The Tail of the Trail


Hash break
Thu, 7 Nov. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Blondie McFucksALot and Marbalus Asshole hared from Howl At The Moon for 15 hounds. That number included three visitors passing through Whip It Out, Follows Direction and an old friend, Mother Inferior, all from Ann Arbor. And we had a virgin, Just Amelia. And then we had the directions from Blondie McFucksALot. Purple chalk. We could barely see what she wrote at the start with a whole lot of stuff. What would it look like after we took off. I saw the second Check and the last arrow into the beer stop. And I was told where the stops would be. The pack had even worse troubles as they ran a circular route, CCW, over to Wolf Point and then north, etc. I missed all of that and barely beat in our walking visitors. But we had a short quic circle next to a high rise building, with security watching over us. Then is was back to the start for an evening of drinking, inside. I know these hares are new to Chicago, but how many times do we need to explain, no colored chalk in the dark. Especially blue and purple. The hounds just can't see the marks while running, with any consistency. Your trail should be all about the hounds trying to follow your trail at a run, some difficulty at Checks to allow the slow runners to catch up and not about what does this mean, have you seen anything in the last few blocks and what the hell do we do now. Please consider white, dry wall or railroad chalk, not sidewalk chalk in a rainbow of colors. 
Hash break
Sat, 9 Nov. 2024, The Big Dog Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from Miller Meadow for 8 hounds. And we got a Wackoff trail all right. An easy run on paths and then Zone 2 led us from a Check into a sort of woods path of vegetation, trees and such, about ten foot wide and along a fence. The front runner, Berts Special Friend found a Back Check and Magnetic Muff found trail across a lot of grassland. Berts Special Friend took over and led to a Split by the dog park and the very obvious face to lap dancing in parked cars. You can't drink beer in a parked car in the Forest Preserves, but you can drink all the cream you want. Near here we had a Check and could see the late arriving Back Door Bizzle in the distance. Great. trail was found in some woods and then we ran past the air field. Here I saw the pack disappear and the hare joined me and we entered some weeds and as I followed the hare, he lost his own trail. I found this and we were off on a paved path to a Check. This trail led into some deep woods and a deeper gully before we got to a great beer stop. A quick beer and it was a nice walk over a hill along a well traveled narrow path and On In. Circle was held in a shelter that did absolutely zero to shelter us from the wind, but it kept us dry from the very light rain. And the salted peanuts were a great touch. After circle it was on home. And for all of the wimps and house Puppies, False Advertising did most of the trail just a few weeks after some serious surgery. Yes, you can do the woods. They are great. The way hashing was meant to be. Come on out. 
Hash Break
Sun. Nov 10, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Antique Load Show laid trail from Atlantic Bar And Grill. I could have walked there quicker then waiting for the bus that never came. And since it never came, it became to late to wait and I went home. Thanks CTA. 
Hash break, 

On On and Swing Low 
Horn-E




The Tail of the Trail

Hash break
Wed Oct 30, 2024, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Silent But Deadly hared from The Twisted Spoke.  Missed it. But they did have one visitor, Horse, and he said he enjoyed the trail. 
Hash break
Thu, 31 Oct. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Bottom Wrangler & Bit On The Clit hared from Sullys House. Missed another one. Gout is hell. 
Hash break
Fri. Nov 1, 2024, The First Crack of the Moon Hash was set by Cumming Right Meow from Industry Ales House for four hounds, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. 
Hash Break.
Sun. Nov 3, 2024, The Chicago Hash.  Bit On The Clit laid trail from the home of Back Door County and Chunder Pussy for their annual Punkin Chunkin Hash. There were about 6 hounds on the running trail and 3 walkers who set out with a wagon to meet them part way and take their pumpkins from them and walked on in. Meanwhile the runners ran on and found even more pumpkins. The host couldn't find his slingshot so we let the rug rats and crotch grabbers have at it and they destroyed the pumpkins all over. Then we tasked them with the cleanup and they enjoyed that too. After we finished cleaning up, we went back to the house where Back Door Bizzle led us in a good circle and then out came the grub, good smoked meats by Chunder Pussy. Then it was On Out for me. 
Hash break, 
Tue. Nov 5, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash, Lifa is haring trail from Embassy Public House. Sorry, missed another one. 
Hash Break

On On and Swing Low 
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail

Hash break
Thu, 24 Oct. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Brother Incisor hared a Pink Dress Hash from Everything Bar. Brother Incisor picked a nice bar for what we were trying to do, but sort of isolated from the streets we needed to run down with a lot of street traffic where we could collect a lot of money. But a good turnout in pink dresses and the crowd was off and running as they worked their way west and north to Division and North Ave and crowds of people. Of course, I was running slow and lost the pack and then caught Oh Die Mark on Division. But he was soon gone on the hustle and I headed straight to Ashland and found trail. It went north and I again took a wild guess and headed west on Augusta and again found trail, the On In trail to Eckert Park. Here was a beer stop and then the pack headed south and back towards the bar. Again, little walking traffic but that didn't stop Choke N Stroke as she was seen running out of bars and climbing through windows of cars as she hustled herself along the way. Total we racked up $669 dollars. Well done hashers. 
Hash break
Sun. Oct 27, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Oh Die Mark and Ball Cock Dumper hared from Marz Community Brewing. We had a good pack, but a lot of walkers and auto hashers. The trail led south and over to where Ball Cock Dumper had previously laid a trail and he could cheat and use his old trail. And I was on that old trail and still got lost at a Check at 33rd and Morgan. Trail looked swept to the east, but after doing a long block I found no more arrows. I worked the Check and still found nothing. Returning to the Check, there was a new mark, bright blue. Oh Die Mark was leading the walkers and got there and marked that 
Check straight north. and there were two marks in white, the second one turning the trail west. Only it didn't. He didn't lay another mark from the "Check for two blocks, which made that turning mark look right. Only it wasn't. I again wandered before returning and figuring out what happened. From there it was following his walkers trail to the hill where the shot stop was. And there I caught the walkers just setting out on the second half. Damn, to late for the runners trail, so I followed them on in to the beer stop and circle along the river at a little park. Back Door Bizzle led circle and it was pretty good as we nailed the hares, and those two sets of twinzies, Berts Special Friend and Meat inside Her in matching onezies and the same with Keylless Entry and Urine Love. When circle ended it was On Out for a damn long walk back.
 Hash break 

On On and Swing Low 
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu, 17 Oct. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Berts Special Friend hared from Estelle's for a pack of 8 hounds. We headed west and then south into some alleys. and I fell behind early. But I ran on and eventually the trail went up to the 606, And still no one in sight. Finally an On Down and just as I was about to hit street level Choke N Stroke ran by. I'm baaack. A block later was a loop and there goes Catstro Dick Assist down an alley across Damen. A block later the trail headed south and there was Bit On The Clit on the other side of the street. Lost her quickly, but just as the trail had a turn north in an alley, I saw Homo Dynamics and another hasher two blocks ahead. Shortly after I get to where they were, and the trail heads south. I follow the marks south and at North the trail heads east. Two blocks later I'm thinking, this isn't what Berts Special Friend would do. There is an alley across the street. He would do that. Damn, I should have taken my hunch. At the next corner is a Check and everyone is coming back from Falses. They head south and nothing. So I head east and see Lifa a block away, in that very alley entrance I didn't cross the street for. Damn, I might have been FRB if I did. Anyway, I head west paralleling Lifa and follow him on in to the beer stop as various hashers pass me along the way. Hey, middle of the pack. In hashing it isn't the position you are in for the whole trail but where you manage to position yourself aat the last Check that can determine where you finish. And it was Independence Park where the hare was waiting with all of the rats. And we held a nice laid back circle. 
Eventually about half the pack left and we watched as the rats returned and we finally were On Out
hash break
Fri 18 Oct 2024, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Horn-E laid trail from Barrelman Tavern for five hounds. They took off through an alley and 2 blocks later came to a four way split and died on it. There were five hounds and only four choices. The true Trail was a short half block north and it took them 15 minutes. But they were soon on mostly following Muffin Stuffin as he caught my first back check and many others on trail. Trail went north to Devon and then over to Ridge. Then we entered the danger zone. Sidewalks that didn't meet at the same level. I marked the worst of these and there were at least 20 dangerous tripping zones in the dark. But no one tripped. Trail worked it's way to a park and a golf course with a Check at the entrance. Stuffin Muffin his most of the Falses as the trail never really entered the park. Instead, it went straight south and back into the danger zone. Finally coming out again at Devon. Trail then went south and only a few more danger zones and apartment zones and on to Peterson. From Peterson the trail headed east to Ravenswood and up to the Metra station and the waiting room where the nasty hare was waiting with cold PBRs and circle. A laid back circle and then we walked back to the start for a warmer area and a nice cold craft beer. We left at 11pm and the muffins stayed until they were thrown out at an early closing of 11:30. Others on trail were Magnetic Muff, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and Cumming Right Meow. On Out.
Hash Break
Sat. 19 Oct. 2024, The Bushman Hash hared from Cumberland and Irving Park for a pack of 5 hounds. Trail went south in the woods through a tight section of trees and then a field/prairie of grasses some over ten feet high. But with the dry spell they were mostly falling over and almost a path through the mess of twisted stalks. Then it was east on a former wide path that was now full of trees that fell across it. Crawl over or climb over. Finally a Back Check. This led south on a path to a hugh section of trees and low scrub so you can really run through it. Finally we get to a path along the golf course. Did anyone catch the False onto the golf course? And more path running and a Check and finally to the end of the creek area where it gets wide. But no running water due to the dry spell and an easy crossing and another Check. From here a nice twisting path and finally to the hill and another Check on top. That led to the holy water fountain and across Irving Park and to a little oasis in the middle of a field. A homeless person had taken over that, so we just found a place in the field in the shade for a cooler full of cold PBR and our circle. After this we hung out for about a half hour before heading on home. On Out
Hash Break
Oct 20, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly and Steps In Shit hared from the Woodlawn Tap for a charity hash for the family of Shittie Situation. Trail headed north and we made a wide sweep of Hyde Park going counterclockwise to a beer stop at the northwest corner of Jackson Park and then through the Univ. of Chicago and back to the bar. I was in the back with a pack of semi walkers. Gee, like myself. Jogging a little and walking a lot. Along the way back, our virgin did a header. Welcome to hashing. We all fall eventually. We also had four visitors. Welcome. Back at the bar we held a rare indoor circle in the middle room that got quite loud and went on and on with a few long songs. Great circle. Meanwhile and after I was selling excess used t-Shirts for whatever anyone wanted to pay, from a few dollars to a lot of twenties. All of the money went to the cause. Then we hung out and some ate some good pub grub, and all was good. On Out
Hash break 
On On and Swing Low 
Horn-E






The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu, 10 Oct. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch and Furry Spice hared from Dugans for an unknown pack of hounds. If it isn't the CTA, now it is Metra. I started out getting there my Metra and one stop into my trip the train stopped. No one, including conductors knew why. Someone said police activity at the Clybourn Stop, our next stop. Trains in both directions were halted. I found out later that the trains were halted for 3 hours on this line only. Possibly for a motorcade. Hey, this route is elevated and doesn't affect ground traffic. Anyhow, I left the train 40 minutes later and went home. On Sat we found marks at the north end of Goose Island. Did it go there? Didn't they realize that we had a Big Dog Hash starting there on Sat? Whatever. 
hash break
Sat. 12 Oct. 2024, The Big Dog Hash, Back Door Bizzle hared from Goose Island. We had a pack of 4 hounds, two walkers and two runners. The walkers just followed the hare to the beer stop. Meanwhile False Advertising took off east on North Ave and then at the second block headed straight north. Meanwhile Horn-E followed and already lost sight of him at that point. But I never lost trail and only had one bad spot on trail. That was after crossing Clybourn at a Check and coming to a Split in neighborhood with a lot of streets going in many different directions. One Split caused gave me hell because I apparently just didn't go far enough in Checking it out. But eventually I was back on trail at Clybourn and Cortland. More industrial area leading to a bridge at Webster and over to Ashland. Here was a Turkey/Eagle Split. I took the Turkey and headed south on Ashland. Met a New York hasher here for the marathon. And eventually trail again coming off of the Metra station. A block later was a beer stop, and they were all leaving as I arrived. From here we walked back to the Start and held a short circle between the five of us and then went home. On Out.
Hash Break
Oct 13, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Lost Her Penis hared from Maria's Packaged Goods and Bar. Nice place. Too bad that only two hashers showed up to hash, two walkers also showed, the lame and the tired, and two hares. WTF. They laid a short trail that went west and north and up to Archer. There was a great photo Opp with Bottom Wrangler posing as if he was on the bow of the Titanic. Then they went northeast on archer past a series of Splits that went nowhere, up to Halsted and into the old Quarry area and uphill and over to a lookout over the little lake. And here were the hares and the two waklers, Silent But Deadly and Horn-E. We held a very short but fun circle and then it was On Out.
Hash break 
On On and Swing Low 
Horn-E





he Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Wed 25 Sep, 2024.The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor didn't hare out of the Dram Shop for some reason and the pack then voted to just stay in the bar instead of a live hare. WTF. Don't give it a number because it didn't happen
Hash break  
Thu, 26 Sep. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Ultimate Disco Kunt was supposed to hare from Rabbits. I got there four minutes late. I saw no marks out front or in the parking lot and no hashers inside or anywhere. I still don't know what happened. 
Hash break
Sun. Sep 29, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Little Trojan Annie laid trail from Four Moons Tavern. I was a little late because of no buses. Yes, again. But as I approached the bar, I saw  False Advertising heading south on Ravenswood. I followed. He hit a Split and kept going south. I assumed he saw hounds heading south and paralleled. He didn't. The pack went over to Lincoln to a check and then north on Lincoln. After two more blocks he looked like he was heading east to rejoin the pack. He wasn't. Meanwhile I also headed east and found no marks. So, I figured the trail had to go over to the six corner intersection. And I found a Check. Beer Near. So I missed 90% of the trail. So I solved the check to the ON IN on the roof deck of Urine Love and Keyless Entry. Again. Meaning if Back Door Bizzle showed up, he wouldn't be allowed in because he brought $20 Butt Stuff. Something un hash like about this. Not the hosts fault at all. Their house their rules. Any who, I wasn't heading up there right now. I went back to the Check and ran a No No trail. And I followed it back to the beer stop at a park on Damen. And there was the hare and four walkers including Back Door Bizzle. And a long wait for the pack and after a beer then headed to the sky deck and I joined Back Door Bizzle in heading on out. 
Hash break 
On and Swing Low
Horn-E


Hash break 
The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu, 12 Sep. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, He's Still Limping hared from Revolution Brewing. This trail was so straight she couldn't lay it near boystown. Even SnatchSquatch who never accuses anyone of anything said so. What I was on was straight east, with a check, but four blocks. Then straight north for four blocks into the Turkey Trail. I was with Homo Dynamics and Oh Die Mark. We finally crossed California and came to the river bike path and no marks. We headed north two blocks and under a bridge and up to another bike path before seeing another arrow. WTF. But we did have some fun along the way. We found a snow drift. Yeah, snow. Made some snow balls and as we went under that bridge we saw Serial Shitty Squirter and Brother Incisor and had a target for our snowballs. Then it was across Horner Park to a beer stop. Now that was nice. Then we were off again on an easy finishing trail to another little park for another nice beer stop and circle. And right by Target so the Harrietts had available facilities. Nice circle. 
Hash break
Sat. Sep 14. 2024, The Big Dog Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special friend laid trail from Pilsen Yards.
HSix hounds and with the heat and whatever, no one was really into a fast running trail. There were 5 T and E splits on trail. We screwed  up the first Check and were wandering all over. I found myself with Homo Dynamics as I came to 18th St. Were still checking but really ranging. I picked this alley and gave him the street. we both came upon trail, but it was heading his way and he was in front to a T and E 
Split. He got first choice and took the T trail, Lifa just joined me and then Lost Her Pussy. We all opted for the Eagle and the whole pack rejoined at the 2nd Check. And I last last in. They were scattered everywhere. I saw two hashers in a parking lot, looking On until they weren't. They returned to the street I was on and Magnetic Muff joined them. But they weren't on. So I ranged south were Lifa was just returning. He went on west and I decided to recover that street and headed east. Nothing. So I ranged North past were those other three were headed. Nothing. I kept going straight for two more short blocks and there was a swept arrow. I headed east thinking Stuffin Muffin joined those other three and they were out of sight. I kept looking back for Lifa, but nothing. Came to a 5 way split and it wasn't swept. Damn. But I was right on the true trail and that was what it was for the rest of the way. Every Split wasn't marked but I still couldn't catch them. Finally under the tracks and heading south. No beer stops and nothing swept and I couldn't catch anyone. Of course I never can. I finally past the last T and E and a few blocks later I came to this park and B and only the hares were there. WTF. Where is the pack/ Well, guess what. That Swept Arrow I found after the 2nd Check was not made by anyone in the pack. It was made by the hare. Hey, we can count to three. No need for hares to mark the third arrows as true. Gee. Someone might think the pack was ahead of them. Like Me. Within a few minutes the pack started to come on in. And Horn-E was FRB. Mark that in the sacred scrolls. We then held a nice short circle and went to a smoked bar b q joint for some grub. Then we were On Out
Hash break
Sun Sep 15, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler laid trail from Olive Black Chicago. I got there just as chalk talk was breaking up and we were soon off to the south and a six corner intersection for a Check. This was tough. We were scattered. I went east and only found two marks. So, I then headed west and nothing. Around the block and back again and everyone was gone, and the Check wasn't swept. So, I hadn't seen any other marks, I decided to go back east and see if I just didn't go far enough. A block longer and nothing. I looked around the corner I saw a mark. I'm on trail again. I followed this okay and eventually came to the beer stop and everyone was gone, and Back Door Bizzle was there. They told him where the B was because $20 dollar Butt Stuff was dogging it due to a bee sting this week. And as he approached the B stop, the pack ran by and told him where it was, and they still might be there with beer. They weren't. Then I showed up. We really didn't know what to do from here. Were they coming back. We finally decided to follow trail. We walked on slow with $20 Butt Stuff still dogging it. Back Door Bizzle finally got a hold of someone on the phone and we were given the finish address, the roof deck of Urine Love and Keyless Entry. We headed in that direction. Then another message. $20 Butt stuff would not be allowed in. I know, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Like $20 Butt Stuff would chase the cat around the roof until it took a 3 story dive.  But this is $20 Butt stuff who would have just laid there. But, hey, it is their house and their rules. Didn't feel like saying, sorry, bye, I'm going to have fun without you. And circle was probably already over anyhow. So we were On Out 
Hash Break
On and Swing Low
Horn-E





The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu, 12 Sep. 2024, The Thirstday Hash, He's Still Limping hared from Revolution Brewing. This trail was so straight she couldn't lay it near boystown. Even SnatchSquatch who never accuses anyone of anything said so. What I was on was straight east, with a check, but four blocks. Then straight north for four blocks into the Turkey Trail. I was with Homo Dynamics and Oh Die Mark. We finally crossed California and came to the river bike path and no marks. We headed north two blocks and under a bridge and up to another bike path before seeing another arrow. WTF. But we did have some fun along the way. We found a snow drift. Yeah, snow. Made some snow balls and as we went under that bridge we saw Serial Shitty Squirter and Brother Incisor and had a target for our snowballs. Then it was across Horner Park to a beer stop. Now that was nice. Then we were off again on an easy finishing trail to another little park for another nice beer stop and circle. And right by Target so the Harrietts had available facilities. Nice circle. 
Hash break
Sat. Sep 14. 2024, The Big Dog Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special friend laid trail from Pilsen Yards.
HSix hounds and with the heat and whatever, no one was really into a fast running trail. There were 5 T and E splits on trail. We screwed  up the first Check and were wandering all over. I found myself with Homo Dynamics as I came to 18th St. Were still checking but really ranging. I picked this alley and gave him the street. we both came upon trail, but it was heading his way and he was in front to a T and E 
Split. He got first choice and took the T trail, Lifa just joined me and then Lost Her Pussy. We all opted for the Eagle and the whole pack rejoined at the 2nd Check. And I last last in. They were scattered everywhere. I saw two hashers in a parking lot, looking On until they weren't. They returned to the street I was on and Magnetic Muff joined them. But they weren't on. So I ranged south were Lifa was just returning. He went on west and I decided to recover that street and headed east. Nothing. So I ranged North past were those other three were headed. Nothing. I kept going straight for two more short blocks and there was a swept arrow. I headed east thinking Stuffin Muffin joined those other three and they were out of sight. I kept looking back for Lifa, but nothing. Came to a 5 way split and it wasn't swept. Damn. But I was right on the true trail and that was what it was for the rest of the way. Every Split wasn't marked but I still couldn't catch them. Finally under the tracks and heading south. No beer stops and nothing swept and I couldn't catch anyone. Of course I never can. I finally past the last T and E and a few blocks later I came to this park and B and only the hares were there. WTF. Where is the pack/ Well, guess what. That Swept Arrow I found after the 2nd Check was not made by anyone in the pack. It was made by the hare. Hey, we can count to three. No need for hares to mark the third arrows as true. Gee. Someone might think the pack was ahead of them. Like Me. Within a few minutes the pack started to come on in. And Horn-E was FRB. Mark that in the sacred scrolls. We then held a nice short circle and went to a smoked bar b q joint for some grub. Then we were On Out
Hash break
Sun Sep 15, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler laid trail from Olive Black Chicago. I got there just as chalk talk was breaking up and we were soon off to the south and a six corner intersection for a Check. This was tough. We were scattered. I went east and only found two marks. So, I then headed west and nothing. Around the block and back again and everyone was gone, and the Check wasn't swept. So, I hadn't seen any other marks, I decided to go back east and see if I just didn't go far enough. A block longer and nothing. I looked around the corner I saw a mark. I'm on trail again. I followed this okay and eventually came to the beer stop and everyone was gone, and Back Door Bizzle was there. They told him where the B was because $20 dollar Butt Stuff was dogging it due to a bee sting this week. And as he approached the B stop, the pack ran by and told him where it was, and they still might be there with beer. They weren't. Then I showed up. We really didn't know what to do from here. Were they coming back. We finally decided to follow trail. We walked on slow with $20 Butt Stuff still dogging it. Back Door Bizzle finally got a hold of someone on the phone and we were given the finish address, the roof deck of Urine Love and Keyless Entry. We headed in that direction. Then another message. $20 Butt stuff would not be allowed in. I know, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Like $20 Butt Stuff would chase the cat around the roof until it took a 3 story dive.  But this is $20 Butt stuff who would have just laid there. But, hey, it is their house and their rules. Didn't feel like saying, sorry, bye, I'm going to have fun without you. And circle was probably already over anyhow. So we were On Out 
Hash Break
On and Swing Low
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Sep 3, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa laid trail from the Chipp Inn four nine hounds. Well, five runners and four of us lame walkers. Yeah, I'm back but only walking so far. But I tried hard until I didn't. I go about a 15 sec. late start and went right past the other walkers and tried to follow trail as best as I could. I managed to catch the runners at Augusta at a Check they were having trouble with. Hey, this is Lifa and he can be sneaky. So, I looked west on Augusta, one mark, a Slit and Berts Special Friend was just catching up. The third mark and within fifty feet, Stiffy 4 Stiffies whizzed past me. But I'm walking and managed to find the first Check after a long illness lay off. Feels good to be back. And then the rest of the running hounds past me. We regrouped at the second Check and I saw Lower Wackoff heading in the correct direction. Then Berts Special Friend, and I then joined False Advertising and Just Do Me Slowly on the correct trail. I spotted a 3 way that was swept and we were off. Or they were and that is the last I saw of them. Through some neighborhoods and gangways and back to Division. East under the highway and Check 3. Obviously marked south and that was the last mark I saw. After a long straight, I realized I missed something, and walking, I decided to head towards the finish. And missed the beer stop I didn't know about. Ooops. So, I was in at 7:55 and the pack came in at 8:15. Lower Wackoff led us in a short easygoing circle and it was On out.  
Hash Break 
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E







The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Sep 3, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa laid trail from the Chipp Inn four nine hounds. Well, five runners and four of us lame walkers. Yeah, I'm back but only walking so far. But I tried hard until I didn't. I go about a 15 sec. late start and went right past the other walkers and tried to follow trail as best as I could. I managed to catch the runners at Augusta at a Check they were having trouble with. Hey, this is Lifa and he can be sneaky. So, I looked west on Augusta, one mark, a Slit and Berts Special Friend was just catching up. The third mark and within fifty feet, Stiffy 4 Stiffies whizzed past me. But I'm walking and managed to find the first Check after a long illness lay off. Feels good to be back. And then the rest of the running hounds past me. We regrouped at the second Check and I saw Lower Wackoff heading in the correct direction. Then Berts Special Friend, and I then joined False Advertising and Just Do Me Slowly on the correct trail. I spotted a 3 way that was swept and we were off. Or they were and that is the last I saw of them. Through some neighborhoods and gangways and back to Division. East under the highway and Check 3. Obviously marked south and that was the last mark I saw. After a long straight, I realized I missed something, and walking, I decided to head towards the finish. And missed the beer stop I didn't know about. Ooops. So, I was in at 7:55 and the pack came in at 8:15. Lower Wackoff led us in a short easygoing circle and it was On out.  
Hash Break 
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time
for a quick beer. Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  
We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash. Hash Cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might 
include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in 
advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you 
should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" 
hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.

Hash break
Wed, Aug 7, 2024, 7:00pm The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin will hare from Booze Hound at 3734 N. Milwaukee. The BLACK SOCKS HASH. $5 Hash Cash
Hash break
Thu. Aug 8, 2024 7:00pm, The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow will hare from The Green Lady at 3328 N. Lincoln $5 Hash Cash. POP registrants free ThirstdayH3.com 
Hash Break
Fri. Aug 9, 2024, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash, The Cock Whisperer will hare from McGees Tavern at 950 W. Webster. $10 Hash Cash or POP registrants free ChicagoHash.com
Hash Break
Sat Aug 10, 2024, 1:30 pm, The Chicago Hash, Bit On the Clit in Texas and Brother Incisor will hare separate trails from Cody's Public House at 1658 W. Barry for the Power of the Pussy Hash. Closed event I think. Check at ChicagoHash.com
Hash Break
Sun Aug 11, 2024, 2:30pm, Show by 11AM and watch the air show. The Chicago Hash, Bi-Holer will hare from The Rusty Cock Lofts at 1872 N. Clybourn. $10 Hash Cash or POP registrants free. Check  ChicagoHash.com 
Hash Break
Mon, Aug 12, 2024, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff and Bloody Thighs celebrate 30 years of hashing by haring from River Park at 5100 N. Francisco. $5 Hash Cash
Hash Break
The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Jul 31, 2024, 7:00pm The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from Northman and they get a pack of 3 at the start, Meanwhile I was on a bus taking over 30 minutes to exit Lake Shore Drive. When I finally got off the bus at the river I headed underground towards the start and found a Split. So, I took off on trail and a short time later I came to a Whiskey Stop with the hares surprised to see me. I soon took off on the second part of trail just as the other three were arriving. This led to a tour of the lower level park just north of Randolph and right back out on the other side of the street.  Then across Randolph for some twisting paths in Maggie D park and finally to a crossing of LSD. From here it was north along the harbor and the other three soon passed me. Then I found myself on a runway for migrating geese that never migrate. About 20 of them flew right in front of and behind me at waist level to about ten foot level. I've been on runways hashing before, but never during flight opps. A short time later I was at the W stop and we had to wait for the hares and beer. A short circle later and we were then treated to about 10 minutes of fireworks over the lake. Then it was on out and a lot of bad bus connections on home. On Out. 
Hash break
Thu. Aug 1, 2024  The Thristday Hash. Happy Ass Grabber hared for the first time in 10 years. It showed. Start was Cricket Hill at Montrose Harbor. Or so it was supposed to be. Instead, we met at a shelter just west of there in case it rained. There were four hounds there at the start. Apparently, another hound showed up after we left and we never saw her. A visitor from Mobile called I'll Bang Your Baby. Was she waiting at the top of the hill? Did SnatchSquatch miss her in a last minute check of the hill? But he didn't know what she looked like. Sorry IBYB. 
A last minute change screwed me earlier this year. Sucks. We did have one other visitor, Black to the Couter from Kansas City. I asked and she was ever known as Indian to the Couter. Okay, bad political joke is over. We were warned that the trail had flour and chalk. So, we took off on flour on trees and the leaders missed the first turn. But Horn-E spotted it and we were off through a tunnel and towards the harbor and the lake front path. But Back Check. Stalled us for a while and we finally got back on and headed towards the bike path heading south and towards Peace Park. We finally get a start in the park and almost immediately leave it. WTF. But through the tunnel under LSD and straight west. Homo Dynamics is walking with the hare sweeping as we go along here. SnatchSquatch and BTTC is right with him. The hare offered to tell me were the Beer Stop was. I said as long as the marks were good, I'll find it. AS LONG AS THE MARKS WERE GOOD, I'LL FIND IT. AS LONG AS THE MARKS WERE GOOD, I'LL FIND IT. AS LONG AS THE MARKS WERE GOOD. So, we came to a Check at Clark and Buena and it took forever. I finally decided to check on the other side of the street from the On In to the Check. Nothing. Then SnatchSquatch saw marks on trees. WTF. That is fine when going through the woods or parkland, but not within the city streets where sidewalks are right there and we were now using chalk. Kind of a stinker of a switch. But we were On and trail came back to normal. Until the next time it wasn't. Happy Ass Grabber was pulling out sneaky tricks that almost no one uses besides me. And a real problem with only two running hounds and one half running hound. Me. Some of these marks might have been good with a much bigger pack. At least ten or so. But 2.5, not. This next one was looping around after a Check and crossing over the On In trail to the Check. Nicely marked. And at least it allowed us to regroup. The next difficulty I saw was another Back Check. I got there as they were returning and we saw no marks and so SnatchSquatch led us on a loop trying to find something. We eventually saw an arrow turning into the path we were running on. This came to another Check. Since we were north of the start, we checked south and wandered all over with marks that didn't make sense. We encountered the trail we missed after the last Back Check and it led to an area where you would expect to find markes after a Check. And then it went into a loop and back to that Check. Make sense? Not to us at first. So SnatchSquatch is off on the loop and then solves the Check. We spot him heading north and follow. 
From SnatchSquatch: Managed 6.5 miles last night. Twice the trail looped back and created infinite loops right where I lost you. Eventually made it up to Lawrence and found the Turkey-Eagle split. Took the Turkey into the park, lost trail again (marks were on the trees, which were impossible to see in the dark without a lamp. Finally just went to the lake and started calling out "On-On" before eventually finding Happy. Nobody else made it to the beer stop - no idea what happened to our visitor and apparently the harriette from Mobile arrived late and never caught up or found us. Happy and I watched the lightning over the lake and did a couple down-downs before heading home. 
We followed to the T and E Split and also went under Lake Shore Drive where the trail disappeared. We never saw another mark and finally decided to head to the start and find where the B was. At the start we were shocked a bit because the B was at Foster Beach, a mile away. If you wanted a lake view, Montrose beach was nice and close. Why? So, we got into her car as the rains started. We got to Foster Beach as directed and looked all around. No marks from Where the Eagle was expected to get there and no marks anywhere. We searched the beach and all around and finally quit. WTF. I offered to buy her a beer in some nearby pub, but she had about an hour and a half ride head of her to where she was staying. So, it was ON Out. Note to Happy Ass Grabber. Your tricks were great for a daytime hash with a crowd of at least ten hounds. We're getting consistently less then five and slower hounds. And the back and forth on trees when sidewalk was available didn't work to well. The change needs to make sense. 
Hash Break
Sun, Aug 4, 2024, The Big Dog Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat inside Her hared from the Guiness Brewery. for 20 hounds. Yes, 20. I think this is the biggest Big Dog Hash since way before Covid at an 8 Beer Stop Hash. Wow. Probably the biggest Chicago Area crowd not a special event since pre-Covid. There was to be a Turkey/Eagle Split. I opted for the Turkey trail and it started right from the start. Ooops, not a turkey trail but just a walkers trail. At the first Split I stated running and led until five feet before B when Glory Hole walked in front of me. There was a visitor that also ran, Since B from Alabama who ran in flip flops. There were four runners who actually ran to B on the runners trail. And Lower Wackoff came in FRB followed by Stuffn' Muffin. Eventually SnatchSquatch and then Lifa who both got stuck on some mark. After B myself and Since B joined the runners rather then just a fairly straight walk back. We ended up passing Guiness and into a little hidden alley for B and circle. Circle was normal Big Dog style and the pack got into it. Thinking back, the runners trail would have made a normal Big Dog Hash. On Out. 
Ha.sh Break
Mon. Aug 5, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Lifa and Oh Die Mark hared from 3127 N. Ashland, the home of Urine Love and Keyless Entry. We had a pack of, four. What happened to all of those hashers that showed up on Sunday at the Big Dog Hash. Four for CH3. It was a typical Lifa trail with good Checks that slowed down the front runners, Just Trevor and Rip 'em Snip 'em   And they both did a great job in returning to let others know they found trail. Well done. And others were Lower Wackoff and Horn-E both sucking up the rear. Trail eventually got to the park at Belmont and Damen. Then off on more trail as Horn-E bailed and took a short cut to a second B in a parking lot. Then it was walking back to the Urine Keyless Love Entry and a long climb to their roof deck for a real casual circle led by Lower Wackoff. From there it was On Out.
Hash Break
Tue, 6 Aug, 2024, the 4X2H4 hash. Berts Special Friend bailed on haring, but Meat Inside Her, his better half, hared from Midwest Coast Brewery. And we had a great crowd of six hounds. 3rd Personality Disorder and Lost Her Penis led the walkers, eventually joined by Just Do Me Slowly who eventually stopped running after being burdened by cook books from little libraries. WTF. That left the slow runners Lower Wackoff and Horn-E trying to keep SnatchSquatch in sight. Trail went northwest to a Check in a park just east of Western. Horn-E ranged and found nothing. Thanks to his bad hearing, he didn't here Just Do Me Slowly calling him back. Yeah, thanks. I ranged east to Western and then North until I saw SnatchSquatch at an alley. From there on it was trying to keep up with him as we wound our way back east to Damen and south past the new (WOW) Damen Green Line Stop and into a deadend street for circle. Every time SnatchSquatch got ahead he would go the wrong way at a Check, Horn-E would get lucky and find trail and then SnatchSquatch would blow right past him again. A short casual circle with a rotating RA going to our right in the circle. On Out 
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Jul 18, 2024 The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow hared from Irish Eyes for a hopefully larger pack. She went through the trouble of laying a nice Eagle Trail, and a Turkey trail that was pretty much a straight walk east on Fullerton to the lagoon and the beer stop. Due to a senior moment, I arrived a half hour late. I found trail and headed out to a Check at Fullerton and then east. Then I found a T and E split. Well, 30 min. late, I took the turkey trail, and almost a mile later I was at the beer stop and there was the hare and three Harriets, I'll Bang Your Baby from Mobile, Takes It All from Waukesha and Rip 'em Snip 'em from Chicagoland. I thought we were waiting for the Eagles. No. And we were soon off on the last part of trail. That is when I found out that there were no Eagles. Even though there was a least one lady eagle there. WTF. It seems as if there was BINGO night and all of the Eagles decided to play old granny ladies and go play bingo instead of hashing. WTF. So much for the TH3 Motto, 'The Best Reason to Call in Sick on Friday'. Screw bingo. We're friends because of hashing, not bingo. See the real hashers on Cricket Hill next Thursday. Anyhow, back to our Tale. We walked on to Oz Park and had our circle. I was designated the RA, and declared all the bimbos FRBs and FBIs, and the Hare still sucked, and I was DFL to keep everything legitimate. Since no one did the Eagle trail, I sang for the bimbos, 'Well, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, etc'. and all through the song, three verses, I didn't know that I'll Bang Your Baby was from Mobile. WTF. We then went into Moon style circle and did about 10 to 15 accusation s and then dispersed. On Out. 
Hash Break
Mon. Jul 29, 2024, The Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch hHred from Lemon for all things lemon. We got our separate lemons and had to name them. Then off on the usual trail. we finally came to a little park for our first Lemon stop and lemon drinks. Then off again with another section of T and E splits. I saw False Advertising and Steps In Shit take off with two walkers, Meat Inside Her and Zone 2 on the Turkey trail. Are you trying to win the hash? No one cares. I followed the Eagles and they were immediately out of sight. Then it was east, and west, and east and west and finally north to a park for circle. And the hare demonstrated in circle what we had to do with our lemons. Cut them open and squeeze them dry. SOUR.  We had one virgin, Just Bryce. And circle went on until it didn't. And then eventually the pack dispersed, and I was on out. 
Hahs Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Jul 18, 2024 The Thristday Hash. Silent But Deadly hared from Liberty Lounge for nine hounds. We headed 
west towards the river. With a fast pack like we had, they were soon out of sight except for the trailing Happy Ass 
Grabber who caught a light at Western. But he also was soon out of sight. Trail went behind Lane Tech and 
around the mini Cubs park and toward Addison. And a block away, I saw Happy Ass Grabber disappear. I got
 there and found trail from a Check still heading north. Trail came to Western and Irving Park after two quick 
Checks. It was swept to the north. But at this point I was so far behind I decided to short cut for the trail back.
 Left or right. I went right and somewhere into the far north, trail finally headed west and back south to a circle 
along the river by the bike trails in the woods. Meanwhile I suffered through a wrong choice and headed south 
and back to the bar. And of course they weren't there. So, I headed out to known familiar beer stops and again 
guessed wrong. Then a bus came and I headed home. On Out
Fri, Jul 19,2024. The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend will hare from 1640 S. 
Jefferson. We had four hounds. After screwing around with a Check in the park we finally got off to the south 
and east. The hares were their usual sneaky selves and we did a little loop that had the lead runners running 
over a bridge to the east and back on the other side of the street. And I caught up. We then headed south and 
another Check at another bridge. By the time I got there, every direction was already checked. So, I tried again. 
South, only two marks over the bridge. So, I headed west between factories and such and eventually found the
 true trail that the others missed. I called On and Lifa followed. Cumming Right Meow and Stiffy 4 Stiffies didn't 
get the call and it was some time before the found that trail. Meanwhile Lifa passed me and we went west and 
south and eventually on 22nd St. I kept looking back, but no followers. There were several loops to the south 
and back to 22ne St and On west. I finally got to Halsted and there was a turn south. Had to be another damn
 loop by those nasty hares. So, I looked west and there was someone jogging west. Then suddenly heading 
north. I'm thinking, Lifa. Turned out it was Cumming Right Meow. Anyway, I missed a turn and ranged west and 
south and finally saw her a block away. Naturally I wasn't thinking it wasn't her because they were way behind 
me. Weren't they. Somehow they passed me on one of those loops and I was looking back for them, not ahead. 
A few blocks later I was at a BN and her and Stiffy 4 Stiffies past me and a half mile later we were at B in a little 
park. Short circle and they headed to some festival and I headed home. Two freaking hours. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Jul.  20,2024, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E set trail from Horn-E Woods at Cumberland and Irving Park. I 
only knew of one hound coming so I tried to make an easy trail with short Checks. Trail started over the airfield 
and the path along the creek. With a loop over that damn hill that the hounds hate. There was a Check by the 
stone bridge over the creek and true trail went west, north of the creek. Eventually trail went off the path and 
north into trees and such. Easy running area though. The idea was to get to the path along the river and instead 
of heading south, I would head north under Irving Park and that section of woods. But suddenly I get to a path 
and it leads me right to that path along the river. Only it was still under the river from last Mon. and Tues. 
massive rains and tornados. Hell, I ain't going that way with only one hound. So, I had to back track on that path.
 The creek to the south was also flooded along here. Eventually this would lead me to previous marks. What to 
do. What to do. Make it work. Three dots on a tree and then follow tiny dots instead of arrows until they hit a 
tree with four dots. Then look for arrows on the ground which would lead them over the creek bed where the 
waters had receded. It worked, as I will claim. From there it became mostly paths in a big loop south west, along 
the golf course and north through the center of the forest. Then back to the start. And here comes Lifa. Then the 
unknown. False Advertising. Just enough beer. Two hounds and six beers. What I didn't know is Lower Wackoff 
and Back Door Bizzle also showed up, late. And they caught the other two hounds. And because I didn't know 
about them, I only had those dame six beers for four hounds. And as for the screw up with high waters, it worked. 
They say I screwed up, but they all managed to cross the creek where I planned, and no one got wet. And we held 
circle on that dreaded hill. Imagine my surprise when Lower Wackoff came in FRB and popped out of the weeds 
at B. We circled there and then went back near Lifa's car and he had three cold ones in his car for a fair well drink. 
All worked out and we are On Out. 
Hash Break 
Mon. Jul 22, 2n024, The Chicago Hash. Steps In Shit hared from 4354 S. Calumet. We had 10 hounds for this trail
 including Shell Dick, a new import finally coming back out. Trail headed in a general south and west direction to
 49th St and Wabash. By now the pack was long gone, but I'm running again. Sort of. If you can call what I do, 
running. The trail turned to the east and north and somehow I missed a turn or something. I knew the general 
location of the finish, the hare's hutch. So, I continued east to MLK DR. Heading south I saw some of the pack 
heading north across the and followed, falling in right behind Cumming Right Meow and Lower Wackoff. But
 they left me behind. Crossed 47th St and came to a turn to where someone was sprinkling. No marks. And I 
ranged north and found no marks anywhere. Well, I knew about where the finish was but had to range all around 
it before finding an arrow in into the specific location in the hares back yard. And low key quite circle was on 
going. After circle we hung around for about 15 to 30 minutes before the whole pack headed out and four of us
 headed for the Green Line. On Out.
Hahs Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E





HHHi HHHashers
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time
for a quick beer. Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  
We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash. Hash Cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might 
include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in 
advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you 
should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" 
hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.

Thu. Jul 18, 2024 7:00pm, The Thristday Hash. Silent But Deadly will hare from Liberty Lounge at 3411 N. Western. Enter bar from around back. $5 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com 
Hash Break
Fri. Jul 19, 2024, 7:00pm. The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend will hare from 1640 S. Jefferson for a taco and burrito festival. Enter on the Des Plaines side. $5 Hash Cash
Hash Break
Sat. Jul.  20,2024, 2:00pm, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E will set trail from the NW corner of Cumberland and Irving Park, at the bus shelter.  Remember, this is the men's hash. Harrietts invited if they have the balls to run with the Bushman Hash. If not, The Grand Master will provide them with a pair of golf balls in a sock for them to wear. It is just part of our game ladies.You are welcome $5 Hash cash  
Hash Break 
Mon. Jul 22, 2024, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Steps In Shit will hare from Hadiya Pendelton Park at 4354 S. Calumet. $10 Hash Cash ChicagoHash.com 
Hash Break
The Tale of the Trail
 Thu Jul.11, 2024, The Thristday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from The Avondale Tap to celebrate 7/11 with free slushies at 3, 7/11 stores along the trail on a hot muggy day. And off we went to the south and west and eventually to our first stop on Pulaski. And the bastards were out of slushies. So, there we stood on a corner drinking shots without the slushies. And I was DFL right behind Oh Die Mark. Trail then headed north, sort of and Oh Die Mark raced off for the lead and at the first Split he went the wrong way. That's ok, Horn-E still came in DFL behind Homodynamics. And then we were off to the east and south to the next 7/11 and I finally got a slushie. And another DFL. And then we were off to a tiny park for circle. It was a short circle and then they headed for the bar. 'And since I can't drink, I headed On Out
Hash break   
Sat. Jul 13, 2024,  The Big Dog Hash, EZ On The Ass hared from Bemis Woods South, for a small pack, but they really came out of nowhere. Rotton Whore and Snotcho Mama. And right away we had trouble finding the start, but it went out to Wolf Rd,. for a Check. Lifa found that to the north and another Check a hundred yards later at the corner of Ogden and Wolf. Now Horn-E might be old, but he can still see marks on trees. And he saw one as he crossed Ogden on foot before the hash. So, why not go that way and he was On. Horn-E leading and walking and finally towards the woods and at the last moment he stopped to cough and Snotcho Mama beat him to the first impromptu beer stop. And the pack gathered. Then we were quickly off. We aren't Waukesha. And a couple of hundred yards later we had another one. Maybe this is Waukesha. Or the hare hashed there too long. From here on we were on out and on our own and went down a path to a check by a bridge. And it didn't go over the bridge. I think it was Rotton Whore who found trail to the left on a path and from here on I fell rapidly behind as they got in a little running on wide paths, On and On. Finally, I went through this family picnic and there was the On In. And finally, some shiggy. About 30 yards of it before exiting into a picnic area and the waiting hash. We held circle under the shade of a nice tree and all was good. Others that were there included our FRB, Lower Wackoff, Lifa, Zone 2, and False Advertising. Then it looked like rain was eminent and we took off and Lower Wackoff was good enough to give me a ride to the "CTA. On Out
Hash break
Mon. Jul 15, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Rip 'em Snip 'em, Stiffy 4 Stiffies & Brother Incisor hare from Gannons Pub. We took off to the west and despite all predictions of three hares laying trail, they actually didn't make it too long and they kept the pack together with some decent Checks and Splits. Walking behind, I almost never really got out of sight from the pack and wasn't DFL either. We did have a beer stop at Horner Park and then it was back east to the park at Montrose and Western. And the GM led circle in a wooded section of the park. We only got a few accusations before lightening flashed. Some of the pack wandered off. Back to the bar? Then eight of us headed over to the Gazebo and continued drinking. A few more flashes of lightening and I decided to head out. Bus stops in pouring rain aren't fun. I got home and five minutes later the sky burst open. Looking out my window was like looking out from the inside of a waterfall. Was the pack still in the Gazebo? Did they get drenched? The stories should be good as there were tornados in the area. On Out
Hash Break
On On and Swing Lowd
Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time
for a quick beer. Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  
We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash. Hash Cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might 
include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in 
advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you 
should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" 
hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.

Thu. Jul 11, 2024 7:00pm, The Thristday Hash. SnatchSquatch will hare from The Avondale Tap at 3634 W. Belmont. $5 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com 
Hash Break
Sat. Jul 13, 2024, 2:00pm, The Big Dog Hash, EZ On The Ass will hare from Bemis Woods South, Just west of Wolf on Ogden in Western Springs. Come on out and enjoy the woods $5 Hash cash  
Hash Break 
Mon. Jul 15, 2024, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Rip 'em Snip 'em, Stiffy 4 Stiffies & Brother Incisor will hare from Gannons Pub at 4264 N. Lincoln $10 Hash Cash ChicagoHash.com 
Hash Break
The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Jul 4, 2024,  The Thristday Hash. One Fuck Chuck hared from his house for 8 hounds on this special afternoon hash on Independence Day. We headed straight for the park where we stalled on a Check. It went north led by Lifa. I was right behind and I thought I saw Lifa head to the lakefront at the next Check at Bryn Mawr. Whatever. I didn't see him again until almost the finish. Trail went north and up Sheridan Rd. Falling behind I missed a light. But I thought I saw SnatchSquatch heading east to the lakefront and so I short cut to the lakefront looking for the returning pack running thorough Holiday throngs and bikini babes everywhere. So I wandered all over, thinking there had to be trail somewhere. Lifa never came back. Wrong. He was off with the others, and I was wandering through mobs of flesh. I finally found marks going into the alley behind the hare's house. Since no one was there yet, except the short cutting Homo Dynamics, I headed backwards on trail doing a No No course. I went almost a mile before seeing Lifa on trail and then followed him back to the hare's hutch. And soon, most of the pack followed us on in, including Boy Scout, and two visitors, Rim Licker and Jizz Wood. The pack was complaining about to many checks, to hard checks and to freaking long. 6.5 to 7 miles. It was about 15 minutes later before our fastest runner, Sleepy Num Nums wandered back and off trail. We held a short circle and then hung out in the sun until we could hang out in the shade and then we wandered off. On Out
Sat. Jul 6, 2024, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her hared from Dugans for about ten hounds. And where they went was a bit of a mystery for me. No trouble until we hit a Check at Canal and died there. Finally found we headed across the river at Harrison following Stify 4 Stiffies and I had them in sight, especially Magnetic Muff and her bright yellow shirt. Stuffin Muffin was also with her and trail headed past the Sears Tower and then east. the hares are heading towards Grant Park and the Nascar track. Not. I followed on Jackson with that ever present yellow shirt in the distance. Until it wasn't. I saw my last mark as I headed east towards Federal Plaza and the skate boarders. Lost the trail. But I guessed they had to go towards that damn park. Right? Wrong. I don't think they went east of State Street. Meanwhile I was wandering all over Grant Park looking for marks. Finally got to Randolph and headed west. I figured I'd run into marks somewhere. And I did. At State Street. I followed them to the River Walk where there was long straight along the river where I saw a car going down the middle of the river. Really. The trail went all the way to the end. Then along Lake street for a bit and south and through a parking lot to a BN Check. This was another ten to fifteen minutes solving that. First was the sweep mark going south. Only the trail didn't. If the sweep mark is false, please cross it out. Finally see a true trail mark right across the street going west. This led to another screw up. A Split at the alley. True trail went down the alley to the north and west before an arrow was seen. That went west and across the next street before another arrow. Then went south across Randolph to the next arrow. Again, sweep screw ups as some sweep marked the Split as straight ahead, because they probably saw someone crossing the street going south.  But there was no arrow there. They followed the pack, but Split or a Check, keep making arrows until you, yourself, actually get back to a real arrow. From there it was back and forth and on in in a park two blocks west of Halsted. Circle was long over. I was out for over 2 hours. and half the pack left as I arrived. We did hang out for another half hour before it was On Out
Hash Break 
Mon, Jul 8, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Oh Die Mark laid trail for the racers in the pack from Kaiser Tiger. 21 hounds showed up for a little over 4 miles. I followed the runners through the park and heading west for a long block. They were already disappearing. I saw them to the north at Lake and followed as fast as I could. They headed west a block and then north again. Straight north for six blocks and then a Check at Grand. I saw them six blocks ahead of me. Of course they were long gone by the time I got there. And the Check was swept north and across the street. That is when I said. No way Charlie. I just did a long trail on Sat, alone. At least it had turns.  Described in the circle as go straight, turn right, go straight, turn right, go straight, turn right. Y get the idea. and back into the finish. There was the largest circle this year, that wasn't a special event. Brother Incisor lead the circle. We had two visitors from Sweden, Shitty Shaggy and Tranny Granny. We also had 4 virgins, Just Witney, Just Logan, Just Dave and Just Brett.  Now Just a hint on laying trail. I always try to have a turn or a decision at least every two blocks. Then hold the pack together with the idea that the front runners get their five or six miles while the back of the pack does 4 or a little more, taking advantage of short cuts and catching up at Checks. And everyone finishes close together. Long straights and simple Checks leads to just a 5 mile race. Not what hashing is supposed to be about. Hope that helps on your next trail. I've seen you do better, Everyone tries and thinks they have the greatest trail ever and we all screw up. Hope my hints help you newer hares. On Out
Hash break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E




Wed, Jun 26, 2024, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lower Wqckoff hared out of Gamblers and doubled the attendance. We had 4 hounds. As I arrived some lady walked right past me heading for the bar. Wrong door. I pointed out the right door and she walked in and sat alone in the back. Hmmm. Then the hare arrived and two hounds, Just Do Me Slowly and Garmin. Hash time and I head for the john before leaving and pass that lady. She is wearing hash beads. She said they were for a running thing. I said, The Hash? We're leaving. First I knew she was a hasher. It pays to wear hash attire, especially when visiting. So, we had four hounds. Three walkers and one runner. And he ran until the first Check. After that he walked, mostly with our visitor, The Syracutie from, Syracuse, Calzone Nite. I even ended up leading a lot. A lot of walking. Hey, runner, Garmin, run and solve the Checks so we aren't out here all night. But we eventually started in a CCW rotation around the beer stop slowly circling towards the finish. There was a Turkey Eagle Split I missed that the Hare really want to get me on. Water crossing shit. But because the runner wasn't running and this old walker was in the lead and Checking in the wrong direction, the runner got the woods and water crossing, while I saw the walkers crossing Foster and followed them. We finally circled into the finish and I let Calzone Nite and Just Do Me Slowly hit the right direction over some rocks in a stream while I did an obvious false after the last Check. Then Garmin caught up and we eventually arrived at B in opposite directions with me five feet ahead of Garmin, DFL. We held circle on a pile of logs and then returned to Gamblers for a final beer. On Out. 
Hash Break
Thu, Jun 27, 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Ball Cock Dumper laid trail from One City Tap for four hounds. Two runners and two walkers. As we sat in the bar, Oh Die Mark was thinking of doing a trail from a near by brewery. So I told him about the housing along the river and the old quarry and now land fill on Halsted and the area north of the expressway. And the hare is laughing to himself as that was exactly where the trail was going. So, Oh Die Mark and Steps In Shit took off running that exact concept and Just Tina and Horn-E walked behind them. And yes, that was the trail with a decent amount of Checks and Splits and different loops and such. And an eight foot skeleton with his balls hanging out all over. What's to add. Then we finished at a little river park and a nice short circle with four hounds trying to think of songs. Then BCD gave us a ride to the EL/bus terminal, and it was On Out
 hash break
Mon, Jul 1, 2024, The Chicago Hash, Brother Incisor, Double Meter Beater, and Silent But Deadly laid a trail from Kellys celebrating Canada Day. Flag and all. We had 14 hounds including two returnees, Just Ben and Just Dave and a virgin Just Trever(?). That was eight normal runners, and three walkers.  We were off to the Northeast and our first Check, at Lincoln/Fullerton. Just as the walkers arrived there, someone yelled On, north on Lincoln. Trail was eventually found East on Fullerton.  So, we are really seriously behind the leaders on this relatively simple trail. North and East to Diversey Harbor and the Lakefront. South a half mile to Fullerton, and cross LSD and the lagoon and another long straight to the south edge of the zoo. Then it was pretty much straight over to Oz Park and the long waiting circle. Circle was led by SnatchSquatch and fairly decent. Then beer was gone and a quick exit to the bar four blocks west. And I was closer to my bus and ON Out
Hash Break
Tue, Jul 2, 2024. The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa laid trail from Life On Marz Community Center for another small crowd. Three hounds. And Lower Wackoff led all the way. Well, Just Do Me Slowly got a major short cut due to her broken foot and Horn-E was walking still. But the trail was interesting. A short loop on 606 and then west to our first Check. Trail was found to the west on the south side of the street. But I was running on the north side of the street. Passed this one house with massive decoration of garden between the curb and sidewalk. Well worth stopping for. the most elaborate I have seen anywhere in Chicago with hills and little houses and trains and such. I digress. We worked our way back to Armitage and I got ahead for about 20 feet. My only lead of the night.  From here we got to a short cut the hare added because of the slow caliber of the pack. I lost track of LW along here but followed the arrows. Then I hit the x rated section of the trail. All of you sensitive woosies, skip the black part. I ran through a school yard full of kids and such. Then I headed north towards Fullerton. I saw a turn up ahead so I headed into the street to short cut a little. As I passed the last car before the alley, something caught my eye between the last two cars. Some guy laying in the grass between the curb and the sidewalk. Was that a helmeted one eye trouser snake in his hand? Nah. Couldn't be. It is still/even light out. I ran around that last car and into the alley and yes, it was some guy with his little tally wacker, as hard as he could make it and he was wacking off. Did Lower Wackoff see it? Been years since I'd seen someone having sex, alright solo sex, on trail. In Chicago. I walked on. Faster. A short time later I found Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly and we did the last half mile into the finish at Senior citizens Park for circle. And it was a nice laid back very short circle and four friends sitting around drinking beer. On Out
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E





Sat. Jun 22, 2024, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail for six and a half hounds from Carys. I say half hound because Just Do Me Slowly walked only about a half mile or so before heading to the beer stop, donning her bikini and laid back to get a Moon Shine tan under that beautiful Full Moon. Meanwhile the rest of the pack struggled along a Lower Wackoff trail past arson zones and turtle zones as we struggled to find Bingo.  Lifa took off soon and was seldom seen again. But he did mark a few Splits and Checks for us. Stuffin Muffin was also trying to run but couldn't keep up and fell back with the walkers. Four of us in the geriatric corp. Where are all the young hounds these days? We had 250 years of hashing experience in that pack. There was some confusion on Pratt. Apparently a Check and Stuffin Muffin had us all running down an alley for nothing. Trail finally headed north, but I never saw a mark. I was just following heads on the other side of the street until I didn't see them. Probably slipped down an alley. But nearing Indian Boundry Park I headed there.  No marks as I entered the park, but soon saw flour. Hmmm! Was flour mentioned in Chalk Talk. But, I was On. For four marks up to the lagoon. Then nothing. Circling the lagoon, I saw Lifa running trail. But he found nothing. Must have been a Check he was On. He soon found marks coming out of the park and East. I tried to keep up, but no good. We then headed south to Pratt and a BN Check. Now here it really gets good. Eight ways out of that Check. All within 75 feet of the Check. Four parallel paths to the east and west. Four covering both sides of Pratt. Four covering two parallel paths in this park. I headed west in the park monitoring both parallel paths. Finally found one mark, then two, but nothing after that. Around there was an intersecting path south into the park. But no marks pointing that way.  Remember this point. Lifa then comes along. He checks further West to Western and no marks. I retrace his steps to the east and nothing. We finally decide to Sweep south along this golf course. There are good Beer stop spots along there. Nothing. All around the whole damn Golf Course. Lifa is now way ahead. I check all around the hill in the park where we have had many a Moon Hash beer stop up there under the Full Moon. Nothing. I head north and see people ahead. The pack. And Lifa rushes up, grabs me to show he were the trail came into the beer stop. Remember, 'Remember this point'. There were now arrows pointing south to the beer stop. Turn arrows and True Trail arrows that magically appeared. Yeah, after Horn-E and Lifa were off running around the whole damn golf course. Created by the hare sweeping along with the walkers. Damn, double damn. I could have been a last minute FRB and now I'm DFL yet again. After a short circle we headed back to Carys. Well, five of us. And just before the rains hit. But Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff gave me a ride home. Others on trail included Menage A Twat and Bloody Thighs. On Out 
Hash Break
Mon. Jun 24, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Lost Her Penis, 3rd Personality disorder and Oh Die Mark were the hares for this and managed a 12 pack of hounds. One, a visitor from Vancouver, Facial Discrimination. And he was FRB. Trial headed west and within five blocks we are at a shot stop with sparklers. Then off to the SW and a Check on Ashland. This confused the pack as they didn't go far enough west. But we finally found it and mostly west to a shot stop in a park. They were already leaving as I got there with Ball Cock Dumper. So, we were on to the west again and eventually I followed Ball Cock Dumper and Lower Wackoff into another park and a pierogi stop and shot. From here it was straight west to the hare's abode. I fell behind the pack being the only one to catch a light at Western. As soon as I got in, they started circle led by Bottom Wrangler. A short circle and some food was served and I joined some headed out for the El ride back to the bar, and home, or just straight home. That would be Lower Wackoff and Bit On The Clit to the bar and their cars, and myself and Cumming Right Meow and Catstro Dick Assist heading straight home. On Out
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E





The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu. Jun 13, 2024,  The Thristday Hash. He's Still Limping Hared from 4501 N. Clarendon in the park. We were to play this Assassin Game on trail. Everyone goes off on different trails and tries to shot the other hounds. Fortunately we were only using squirt guns. We had 6 hounds at the start, Just Lindsey, One Fuck Chuck, 
SnatchSquatch, Hot Mess Bench Press, Boy Scout and Horn-E. And I was only walking that day. Yes, again. A block into one of the trails, I ran into Cumming Right Meow and four blocks later I was shot by Just Lindsey, Dead. We finally finished at the park across from Carols where Just Lindsey and Hot Mess Bench Press had a final shot out. My leg was ailing, and I left from there and they went on a regular trail from there. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Jun 15, 2024,  The Bushman Hash, Horn-E set trail from Irving Park and Cumberland for a chance to see the 17 year locusts. And I did. 100 feet into laying trail and I had my first one walking up and down my hand. But this is a hash trash and I was laying a trail, all on the ground and no tree marks. It was about seeing the locusts and running the paths in the woods would be good enough. And at every intersection there was a Check or a Split. Beer was set out and I returned to wait for a pack of city folks coming to see nature. Yeah sure. An hour later and it was time to give up and go home. A no show. I returned to the beer stop and retrieved the beer and got on a bus. Picked up my paper and started to read. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a man and his dog. Back Door Bizzle. WTF. He got stuck in traffic and was going to follow the trail and hopefully get to the beer stop before we left. 35 minutes late? So the two of us had a nice walk in the woods with him trying to find the Checks and Splits and I sort of swept. And I got him on the first four. But overall, a nice walk in the woods. Twice. Then we went out on a deer rescue mission. Never did find that deer. So we headed to a clump of trees, found some logs to sit on and drank a few beers on a beautiful day to be in the Woods. On out
Hash break 
Mon Jun 17, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler and Cuntlery hared from Wills North Woods Inn. I'd like to tell you what happened, but the CTA screwed me again. Ten blocks into my trip, the bus hits Foster. They change drivers here. The replacement driver was a no show. My only hope is the next bus. Well, the next two buses never showed. I caught a bus home at 7:35 and still no replacement bus all the way home. Hope you all had a good time. On Out


The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Thu. Jun 6, 2024,  The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from The Unforgetable Bar for 6 hounds. The pack was off to the west and a few loops and back to Irving Park. Following along were Horn-E and Homo Dynamics. We saw then cross at a light and so we crossed in the middle of the block and assumed they headed south. Then didn't. They headed west and we headed south and actually found marks. So, we were ahead for a little while until they caught up at a Check. I was east when they found trail to the south, and they wandered on to a Victory Garden for a beer stop. I finally found it. I don't drink beer and decided to keep on hashing. And I made every wrong move possible until they finally caught me and passed me.  We came up to Pulaski for the second time and went east this time. A short loop and back over Pulaski to a little park for the final beer stop and a short circle. Others on trail were Cumming Right Meow, He's Still Limping, Oh Die Mark, And a transplant, Shell Dick. Then we headed back to the bar. I had a sore ear that was really getting sore, so I was On Out. 
Hash Break
Fri. Jun 7, 2024. The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Horn-E hard from Double Bubble. A decent enough trail for an expected, hoped for 3 to 5 hounds. But only Cumming Right Meow showed up and there were a few Checks/splits that caused fits for her. She ended up with 6 miles and that was with me sweeping. Oh shit. A few simple checks and we came to Senn High School and a Check. She went the wrong way and wandered out to far. But back on trail. It went over to Ridge, south on Ridge to Bryn Mawr and eventually over to Sheridan and Thorndale and the beach. Weather was beautiful and we sat on the rocks and told tall tales until it was time for her to catch a bus home. And I walked home. I must have had over 10 miles that night.
Hash Break
Sat. Jun 8, 2024, The Big Dog Hash, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff hared from their new home. A beautiful day for a hash. Just cool enough for the run through the woods and it was lush and green. But shit happens. I led into the woods until a Split. Back Door Bizzle then took the lead to a Check. He picked the right course and called out, but Moraccan Roofie and I didn't hear him. But we did follow the correct course. Somehow we managed to pass him at a Split/check and never knew it. We went over the tracks and after another Check we hit the city streets and over to Elston. From here it was mostly south on Elston to the tracks and through the station and to a Beer Stop at a shelter in Forest Glen. And there was no Back Door Bizzle. Oops. WTF. But within 10 Minutes he arrived. From there it was a short walk back to the hare's house through the woods. We headed for their Gazebo and a circle. And the rains kept coming. So light as to be almost nonexistent. And then we left and Back Door Bizzle forgave our failure to sweep and gave us a ride. On Out
Hash break
Mon. Jun 10, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Rusty Grundle was supposed to hare from Sullys. But they were closed on Mondays. So, he picked a new location, McGees, a mile away. He notified Mismanagement and Silent But Deadly sent me an email. Unfortunately, I didn't get it. I was happy that for once CH3 actually had a location, weeks in advance, that I didn't think I would need a last minute check to see if there was a change. And I arrived early. Suggestions. Shit happens. If a change of venue is necessary, consider these. 
One, meet there anyway and just wait outside. Summers aren't bad. Then lay an A to B trail to a real close venue. 
Two, always go to the original start and write down the new location on the sidewalk. You can never guarantee that everyone will get the word and we have no right to schedule something and change it at the last minute without damn well covering all bases. These are our friends that could get screwed. And Farcebook is not a guaranteed solution. 
Three, start later in case someone goes to the wrong site and is now on their way. 
Four, if possible, run your new trail past the old location.
Just some ideas. Consider them the next time. 
Hash Break



On On and Swing Low
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed. May 29, 2024, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lifa laid trail from Maplewood Brewery. When I got 
there, I was it. But Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend were on their way. 3 hounds, two fast and one 
half fast, walking due to medical issues. Damn. But he gave me a head start and two blocks later I was at the
 first Check. Found that right away, and a Back Check and then a Split. Now I'm running through a section of
 town houses along the river and get another Split. Wrong. And as I returned, they finally caught up. From 
here it was nothing but following their lead until I screwed up a short cut. Damn. BSF went down an alley and 
so I short cut through a parking lot. Trail had to cross the river at Belmont or Addison. If Belmont this would 
save me a couple of hundred feet. If  Addison, I either go back to following BSF or parallel both of them to 
Addison. The trail went over the bridge at Belmont. Only I didn't see BSF ahead of me and missed the damn 
hare's well placed arrows. Damn. So I tried to parallel two hounds that weren't heading to Addison, found no 
marks on Addison and ranged back adding over a mile to the trail before following what I should have done 
in the first place. Damn. So from here on, a mix of twisting streets, almost back to the brewery before that 
last half mile to the east end of Logan Blvd where the two hounds were waiting. We held a short circle there 
and it was finally On Out    
Hash break
Thu. May 30, 2024, The Thirstday Hash. Cumming Right Meow laid trail from Industry Ales Brew Pub for four 
hounds. We came to a quick Triple Split at State St. Nothing to the Right or Left, or straight. Well, actually it 
was straight, but across the street you had to wander north a bit for a hidden arrow. Not necessarily a standard 
mark. Should have been at the corner. But we are on. Trail heads over to Clark and then north. Castro Dick Assist 
and LaShartsie are now long gone and Ball Cock Dumper is hanging back with me. We fell even further back at 
Daley Plaza somehow missing a turn arrow. But we eventually found it and were ON again. Over to Wacker Drive 
and the River Walk and then the steps up to Lower Wacker Drive for a beer check.  At the head of the stairs it was 
marked BC. Then twenty feet further was an arrow pointing over the bridge where they were waiting for us in the 
middle of the bridge. Only they left. And we interpreted that arrow over the bridge to mean trail went that way. It 
didn't, but we did. All over Lower Wacker north of the river. Trail actually went up a level and who knows where. 
We gave up and headed for the hare's Condo. Nothing. So Horn-E made a last chance guess and we headed 
straight East on Monroe to Columbus Drive and as we got there we found the pack just starting to return. Lucky 
guess. So we held a Quick circle in Grant Park and then headed back to the brewery for an on After. And I 
headed On Out
Hash Break, 
Mon.  Jun 3, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Hot Mess Bench Press and Cockholm Syndrume laid trail from Damen 
Tavern for a hash for our visiting former Swede hashers. We had up to 16 hounds, although I'm not sure they 
all ran with the finish being at the Taco Palace in the Sky. Hmmm. Many did short cut there. Meanwhile I found 
myself walking along with I'm Fucking Nuts. And we kept the pack in sight as they headed west to a few blocks 
past Western at a park and a Check. From here we seriously fell back behind the pack and they were soon out 
of sight. But we walked along, now heading east and at Damen we just headed over to Grand and walked to the 
Taco Palace in the Sky. And there the pack had just started circle. I did give a down down to Complimentary 
Nuts for leaving I'm Fucking Nuts all alone with Horn-E wandering the ghettos of Chicago. Then we all hung
around the sky deck enjoying the weather and view. Got to meet our new transplant Rip 'em Snip 'em.  
Welcome to Chicago. Now try all of our hashes. And I was finally On Out
Hash Break
Tue. Jun 4, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin laid trail from River Shannon. We had a stupid ass trail for the only 
two hounds stupid enough to come out to run this stupid ass trail. Although Horn-E did manage to solve three 
checks and a few Splits, it was Cumming Right Meow who was the FRB and led 95% of the trail as Horn-E 
walked along trying to keep her in sight. Always within 200 yards. The trail was actually made for us as all of 
the marks were close together and easy to solve Splits and Checks as they were close. Don't do this with a 
fast pack or large pack. We wandered over to Oz Park and through it and then worked our way north of 
Fullerton and headed over to the park by the Gazebo. Then it was south through the park to the BN Check that 
Horn-E found and Cumming Right Meon raced past Horn-E one last time. A quick circle and then we headed 
for a shelter from a passing thunder storm. Then we had to listen to Horn-E's near death experiences with 
Typhoid and Tear Gas and blizzards. Then we were off to bus shelters for our busses home and I got stuck
 watching some naked guy taking a shower. You don't want to know. On Out
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu. May 23, 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Oh Die Mark hared from Midwest Coast Brewing Company for nine hounds. Only his second time haring and only two things wrong. Not to bad. First, those marks were tiny, but I think we started to get what we were looking for and we managed. We started out to the east and north and within blocks the four front runners wee out of sight. And then they bitched enough later about lack of whistles and sweep marks and confusion between them. Lifa, SnatchSquatch, Furry Spice and Feather. But they got to the beer stop and the finish together. Now for those walkers. Five of us. Disgusting. My only reason was medical. But no excuses allowed. We're a running club. Any hoo, at the first Check I managed to find the 3rd mark and called out. then walked on to Grand and Damen where there was a Split. I went south for a block and found nothing. By then our walking pack caught up and were able to head straight east from the Split. I went straight east a block south. And I never saw them again. I got back to Grand and they were out of sight. A block later there was another Check, unswept. I headed south again and nothing. Crossed the street and there was a mark coming from the east. I'm on a mark, I'm On. I have no idea this is an On Back mark. Just a Mark. This was the Hares second mistake. Having the On Out and On Back within a short block of each other, especially at a Check. Yes, we range that far. So the walkers were on somewhere, and found the beer stop shortly after the runners. Me, I was solidly on trail and had no trouble following the small arrows on into the 2nd beer stop. A half hour after start time and a half hour before anyone else showed up. WTF. But the walkers, Bleeding Saddle, 3rd Personality Disorder, Bubbles and Lost Her Penis came in shortly after the runners into this little park and we held a nice circle right there. I then left from there. On Out.
Hash Break
Fri, May 24, 2024, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend and Horn-E hared from Liberty Lounge for 5 running hounds and 2 walking hounds, Bubbles and Back Door Bizzle and one crip hound who walked to the beer stop on her own on a broken foot . Well done I think. I did give the two walkers a clue, walk west at Irving Park and go under the bridge. The trail was getting long. So it was the runners. A twisting back and forth bit of trail heading north and east of Western. Then we crossed Western and headed to this park and a Check. Got some there as they headed into the park on a big loop, but the actual trail just went north and across Irving Park. Then a few more city streets before the 1st goal of trail, the river trail north to Montrose on wood chip paths in trees. Then we crossed the river at Montrose and a Check in Horner Park . Caught them good. 369 Hash Degrees. SnatchSquatch ran off on a few Falses before guessing that the trail back tracked to the entrance to the rivers edge path heading south. Our Second goal. I have not seen that run since it was rehabbed many years ago. A nice path with a few splits and many entrances from above. Some hounds were following SnatchSquatcth before he yelled that he wasn't On. Meat Inside Her was bitching via text to Berts Special Friend. He told her to go north and she is still trying to figure out where North is. They finally returned and did that river path. A little shiggy in the city. It did get in one steep climb back out of there and then straight south under Irving Park and pretty much straight On In to the dirt bike woods on the east side of the river and north of Belmont for our beer stop. And a First Circle. Then we all headed for Liberty. No, not some protest or rally, the bar. And the bar tender knew who the hash is and was. And she wanted to hear some singing, so he held a 2nd Circle that included 5 House Puppies that never left their bar stools. Meanwhile, this old fart was still ailing from a massive ear infections, I never should have tried to put it in her, it was On Out.
Hash Break
Sat. May 25, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Antique Load Show and Ritilin Cum Bubble hared. missed it and don't know what happened.
Hash Break
Sun. May 26, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Multiple hares and trails from Labagh Woods Grove 3. Missed it. Don't know what happened. But it did rain a lot
Hash break
Sat. May 27, 2024, 12:00pm, The Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from The Cock Grundel sky nestAgain missed it.
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E





Hash Break
Thu. May 16, 2024, The Thirstday Hash, Brother Incisor hared from Tin Lizzie for ten running hounds and one bike hound. We started out through a parking lot and alley and could already see that R Kelly was not prepared to ride his' kid's bike. Seat was adjusted for his kids and he was so scrunched over his knees were hitting his chest.  He quickly fixed that and now Horn-E was way back as trail headed over towards LIncoln/Fullerton 6 corner intersection. And we regrouped until a bunch of faster runners found trail and the slower runners didn't know it. What else is new. YELL ON ON. But we finally found it Through De Paul and south to another Check at Webster. And again the back of the pack regrouped just as I got there and we found trail east and south through an alley and over to Oz Park. Another regroup, almost, as I was only a block away as they headed south, and east on Armitage. And suddenly I was no longer last, and then was again as Catstro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow passed me. Where did they come from? We ran on to another Check at Dickens and Lincoln. A Song Check. What happened to just hashing? Well, at least it was right in front of a sidewalk cafe. Hope a bunch of barking hounds serenaded them with something good. As for us in the back, we were trying to solve the Check and headed east through some alleys and past screaming old ladies. Private property, private property, private property. Thought she was going to sic Al Capony on us. From here we sort of headed towards Fullerton and Stockton and on to a beer stop in the park. Or was it Malort? And that random guy on skates who tried a few slugs, couldn't stand on his skates and fell on his ass. We drew silhouette marks around him and left him for the 17 terrorist locusts to eat. And the pack  was on to a long Back Check around the lagoon while the short cutters headed for the hares former apartment. And there we circled and then ravaged through all of the goodies from booze to furniture she wanted to get rid of. Nice circle and then it was On Out.
Hash Break
Sat. May 18, 2024, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul Woods. If something can go wrong it will. And this was just getting there.  Bus was a half block away when the Metra went by. Now a two hour wait or head for the red line. At the red line I needed a train north from Bryn Mawr. But they don't stop at Bryn Mawr and I had to go south to Argyle and transfer over. And as we went south the north bound went the other way. Another 20 minute wait. Then on to Evanston and the purple line to Davis. Then the 250 bus. Which wouldn't leave until 1:05, about the time I would have arrived at St. Paul woods if I waited two freaking hours. So I get on a Bounce Bus, every 15 minutes. Only I discover that is an express and doesn't stop at the woods. WTF. But a train is coming by and she had to stop and mercifully let me off. Then I rush to the start of the trail and there is Back Door Bizzle sitting in the grass eating a 16 inch pizza. So I arrived at the start, 5 minutes after I would have arrived if I waited 2 hours for the next train. Damn. So He took my extra bag and I took off on a semi live trail. Had to shorten the original intent and head to Linnie Woods instead, Through screaming nettles, over tracks, through traffic, over tracks and into woods. Simple trail with a few tricky Checks with Falses down hills. Through some prairie, more woods. A river crossing at the north end of the woods and some mostly trail running and a few short jumps into woods.  And on back. And there was evidence of someone heading out on trail. Who? How many? There were four Hounds and $20 Dollar Butt Stuff.  Well, no one was bitching anyway. Tired in the heat. Back Door Bizzle took some beer and had to leave right away. Stuffin Muffin was a leader in Checking a lot. Lower Wackoff kept up, but made a wrong turn at the end and came in DFL And SnatchSquatch was looking more dead then $20 Butt Stuff. Trail was about 3.5. But Snatchsquatch is training for a half marathon and decided to run up to the hash.  Nine miles, the last three of which were no trees, no sidewalks, Lehigh, in 80 degree heat and hot sun. With that crowd we held a laid back circle and Stuffin Muffin then gave Horn-E and SnatchSquatch rides to convenient CTA. On Out
Hash break
Sun. May 19, 2024. The Chicago Hash. Stacies Niece laid trail from Half Acre Brewery. There were 12 hounds at the finish. I missed the start. I woke up with a rapidly deteriorating ear ache/infection.  So I headed to the VA via CTA. Another horrible tale of poor service, but finally got there, supposedly put on the road to recovery  by great doctors in the emergency room, and feeling fine, I headed to the hash. It is now two days later and I have shooting pains going through my ear every 5 minutes. Excuse typos. I got off the bus and there was an arrow. On In? On Out? I followed through the park at Damen and Foster and got to the pack at a beer stop. Good. And they were soon off and running/walking. I walked with Back Door Bizzle and we followed 3rd Personality Disorder and Lost Her Penis. And about a mile or so of trail we were at the beer stop behind the brewery in an alley.  The whole trail was about 2.5 miles. Good enough for me. Back Door Bizzle led circle and then it was On Out for me. Long walk home still ahead of me.       
Hash break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Tue May 7, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash. Silent But Deadly hared an A to B trail from Cleo's for a small pack of 5 hounds. The hare had a great mix of back and forth and Splits as we wandered north to Division. And even an old fart like Horn-E was able to keep the leaders in sight. Then a long straight stretch west on Division almost lost Horn-E, but a Check managed to regroup the pack a bit. Lifa was now out of sight. And soon Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her and then False Advertising disappeared in the distance. So it was plugging along, right, left and so on past Orthodox Churches and Ukrainian flags everywhere,and eventually to Damen for another long straight south. Heading for the tracks? No. Just a loop south and then east and north to the Taco Sky Palace for our finish on the roof deck. And they were patiently waiting for Horn-E for circle. Good short circle and then we were able to see the incoming cloud cover and lightening. That got False Adverising going and I also left looking at a long bus ride and a transfer point and thunderstorms coming. Missed me though. ON Out.
Hash Break
Wed May 8, 2024, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Lifa hared from the Bucktown Pub. Great spot. And in two weeks I would have had a direct Metra train right there in two stops. Unfortunately I had to take the CTA and two buses never showed up and at 7:05 I called it and went home. Damn. I heard Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin showed up. Don't know who else. But they said it was a good trail. Of course it was. A Lifa trail is always good. Except when it isn't. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu. May 9, 2024, The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch laid trail for five hounds from Wills North Woods lounge. Three fast and two half fast. We were off to the east and struggling at a Check. Finally found it in an alley andwe were gone. But did we loose Choke N Stroke. No. She showed up a few blocks later, ahead of us. WTF. But we were soon heading south across Diversey and south on Sheffield to another 6 corner intersection for a Check. Would their be a beer stop in the park. No. Trail headed south on Lincoln and I followed. Oh Die Mark came into the alley from Sheffield and we weren't On. But I found marks under the tracks and was yelling On. Lost him there and he never passed me. Hmmm. And about there Homo Dyanamics headed for the beer stop. Damn cell phones and giving up beer stops. So the bimbos are long gone on trail and I'm struggling along. Guessing right sometimes and some wrong damn long mistakes. Headed east on Webster and into De Pauls Campus and the Palestinian demonstrations. But the hare chickened out and circled trail around the demos. And when I got there it was as peaceful as a senior citizens shuffle board tournament. One protester with a sign. I lost trail here and wandered a bit before picking it up again. Damn. I found trail just before a Check, just before the beer stop. And I guessed wrong and ran a real long block west and back again. just north of the beer stop. And I could see Homo Dynamics two blocks ahead. Walking. I followed and came in shortly after that to the finish by the Gazebo park. And then a short time later, Oh Die Mark came on in. So I wasn't DFL. Short circle there and everyone went back to the start and I headed home. On Out.
Sat. May 11, 2024, 2:00pm, The Big Dog Hash analversary hash from where it all began Caldwell Woods. Horn-E hared. And we had 11 trail hounds, a cook and a bike rider. Woods. Yeah. But this isn't a Bushman Hash so I added in some street running for variety. And to fuck over the hounds on trail. It did. The start was a Check and everyone ran north into park area. Gotcha. Trail went to Milwaukee and Devon and west in city streets. North near Wackoos and back to Milwaukee. And I had to give Lower Wackoff a hint to get them going. Stuffin Muffin was the last we saw crossing Milwaukee but Yer Anus was on his way. So, False Advertising was going to grill and we needed to bring the grill across the river to set it up. So this is when I normally get a head count, know how much beer to get and go get beer. Got distracted and forgot that important part. After we found a finish for our circle, False Advertising reminds me about the beer issue. Damn, how fuck up happens. So he went for beer. And the pack was heading north on Milwaukee from a Check and finally into woods. And an immediate T and E split. Yeah. with the river swollen, no one was crossing the river and instead headed north through areas of tiny blue flowers and tall yellow flowers as we followed the rivers edge. At Herts Road was another T and E Split and the Eagles ran north to Touhy east over the river and back south to Herts Rd. The Turkeys got a real short cut to trail over the river. And after some thick undergrowth in the woods trail came to a path along the river and just before it narrowed, a quick left between two hidden sloughs and up a hill to a Check. The Eagles were probably catching up about here and the Turkeys were working the Check. Across the road and into more woods. Ooops, there is a bit of water. I'll go round that, and then over a log over another wet area and finally in the middle of the woods, I realized that there was no dry way out of there, Just two or three inches of water, but wet feet. At Caldwell the trail headed south and into two loop roads past some real nice homes. Another T and E. Eagle was just a little longer loop. After here the trail gets back into the woods and a nice run along the river and on into B. And SnatchSquatch was first in. Meat Inside Her the FRB. The beer was cold and everyone seemed happy. No real bitches even with the water. Well, except for the few with bare legs that ran through some screaming nettles. Brats and dogs were soon served and after we held out unique Big Dogs Circle and some good down downs. Oh, and Stuffin Muffin came in DFL and still gave this tired old fart a ride home. Thanks
Hash break
Sun. May 12, 2024. The Chicago Hash. Bit on the Clit In Texas laid trail from a closed bar The Barrel. Park time. Its summer. And we were soon off and running or barely running. And that was a lot of us. There were 13 on trail including Back Door Bizzle who arrived late and followed the whole trail dragging $20 dollar Butt Stuff. Yeah, with 80 degrees, she was tired. But well done.  There were two sections. The fast pack was soon out of sight. I tried running, but just to tired from Sat trail in the woods. So I was barely ahead of walkers Lost Her Penis and Third Personalty Disorder. And keeping Ice Princess whose leg was slowing him  down and Lower Wackoff. And trail kept going east and east and we finally came into a little park and there was beer, And the front runners were already getting ready to go again. So five minutes later we headed west, for a sneaky loop and then further east yet again. She caught Lifa on this as he ran to 22nd St and no marks. So he caught up to the back of the pack and we could see the front eventually heading north. So he headed north on a short cut and so did I. Eventually there was the pack ahead and then they were gone. Heading over to 16th St and west. The trail eventually went under the tracks. Here is where I again short cut the trail and two blocks later I saw Ice Princess and Bottom Wrangler walking along on trail. So I followed and eventually almost caught them and they started running. Can't let that old fart Horn-E actually catch them or even pass them walking. Well I did it once more and they again ran off. Major racing attitude there. But by then we were heading back to the park and beer. And then Back Door Bizzle came in, DFL and some house puppies. He started a long circle and everyone was really enjoying the warmest trail of the year and circle. When Back Door Bizzle had to leave, I was glad for the ride and we were ON Out
Hash break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Hash break.
Sat. Apr 20, 2024, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid a shitty trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve for the Anal Flower Run for 7 hounds. And the Flowers looked real good last Sat. That was last Sat. But the flowers in Forest Glen were virtually non existent. They peaked a few weeks earlier. Damn. They always peak together. But now the flowers were more to the west. Maybe. So I took off laying trail and eventually started finding them in Lechowicz Woods and over in Edgebrook Woods. So, not a total failure, Remember, Mother Nature rules. So the pack was off and running and over the tracks instead of the bridge to Lechowicz Woods. Here they ran right through sections of yellow flowers and off path. The FRBs got to the Check along the river where I had a mark on a log going over the river. And you could see two other marks on the other side of the river. They didn't all get the message. And add in the fact that last weeks trail came right through here. Although it rained, the marks under the bridge and on trees on the other side didn't get washed away. And Zone 2 fell for that. But Back Door Bizzle was there to rescue her. He was there last week. So they were way behind, but back on trail. The rest had moved on and were wandering through fields of yellow flowers and around blue flowers and other fresh growth to help make for pretty scenes. As trail got to the end of Edgebrook Woods and at the tracks, there was a Split. Chicken Stifer went up and over the tracks and found nothing. So he ranged along the tracks while the pack was down along the river on sort of an island going trough more flowers. That trail came out near the trestle and an arrow pointing across the river. Yeah, like anyone would do that. Over the bridge and into some nice woods, but the flowers were almost non existent here. And near the bike hills there was a short turn into the last flowers I could find for our Beer Stop. And Chicken Stifer, with his short cut along the tracks actually got there just before I arrived with the beer. A good five or ten minutes later Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin came on in. Thanks to tech knowledge.  Damn cell phones. "Help me I'm lost" Making Stuffin Muffin the other hero of the day. And finally we had False Advertising and Lower Wackoff, Nice short circle and then we were on.  Windy, cloudy and temps falling and we old farts were getting cold. On Out. 
Hash Break
Sun. Apr 21, 2024. The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler hared an A to B trail from Wills North Woods Inn. We actually had 13 hounds at the start. And over twice that many at the finish . Well, at least 15 house puppies as in hashers that didn't run that day and a whole lot of those that don't anymore. They were there for Shit T Situations birthday and not hashing. So that was them. On trail, our hounds were about half runners and half walkers that acted like lemmings at every check. You know, hey, someone is running that way. Lets follow. Ooops, he/she never found a 3rd mark. Lets walk back and start over. Even our virgin J. Diane, got caught up in the walk along crowd. All right, we can excuse SnatchSquatch and Menage A Twat, walking wounded, because he was and she had hip replacements and is doing all she can. Well done. And what happened to False Advertising. Well, he did say he wasn't going to do the whole trail and only got to the shot stop. Other walkers included Ultimate Disco erty, A visitor from Delaware, Toxic Waste, Third Personality Disorder and Lost her Penis. So, for those that ran and tried to run, that's you Horn-E, here is the Tale of the Trail. Bottom Wrangler tried to again introduce all of these Boston H3 trail games. Mixed results. And the trail was nice but a real long A to B making it hard for those that drove to the start, to go back for their cars. Like one of our visitors, Occupied from Hawaii. We had a Group Hug Check within two blocks. By the time I got there they were already wandering in different directions without finding marks. But I noticed Cumming Right Meow coming back from the east. Suddenly she was gone. WTF. I headed that way with Occupied right behind me. She found a mark into this alley, and we were gone. I mentioned lemmings. They were off wandering and we had no one to shout On On too. And a long way to still find the 3rd arrow. So we ran on to the 2nd Check and Cumming Right Meow was returning from a 2nd False. The pack was finally arriving behind us. So I checked east and was On. Again, the lemmings wander out of sight and we yelled again and again. So Occupied and Horn-E ran on. South of Diversey and towards Lincoln and another Check. Occupied headed south but we were wrong. On returning False Advertising was getting to he Check. Horn-E found a mark in an alley and that old fart found another Trail, WTF. But we ran on and headed south and into a park for the shot stop. When the pack finally arrived, we were out to the south and in an alley paralleling Sheffield. Two blocks later we were at another Check. And the lemmings were again all following without a 3rd arrow or a call On On. And when we returned I searched the obvious parking lot, only to quit when they again followed someone down the street that didn't call On. Finally we returned and I went the only way not checked, the parking lot and found a true arrow exiting the parking lot. Me, Horn-E, now solved three straight checks. And off I went straight east on Fullerton. Until I got to the end near Lincoln and found a mark CB4. Hmmm. Something that wasn't mentioned at chalk talk. So now I'm at the end of the pack and as slow as I am, it took a while to start catching up and passing some of the walkers and ON into the Beer Stop at Oz Park. From here it was a few more Checks and the real FRBs of the day, Bit On The Clit In Texas and Cul Du Sac Tap finally took over and solved trail and led us into the B, at the Sedgwick Stop. Only about 2 miles from the start. We talked Third Personality Disorder into acting as RA and she did a fairly decent job on her first attempt. And of course the bar and beer garden were full of non hashing hashers and ex hashers. The sun was out and all was good. Now for that long walk back to cars. On Out.
Hash break
Mon. Apr 22, 2024, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff hared out of Athletic Field Park. We had a pack of five for Lower Wackoff's madness. And the trail lived up to it. After a long Check in the shopping mall parking lot Horn-E finally found the trail going west with Berts Special Friend right there. He took the lead heading west and under the tracks. Now trail headed in a zig zag fashion to Milwaukee and Belmont. Never went anywhere near there from that starting point. Interesting. And we were all together at the Check. And everything was False. Finally myself and Meat Inside Her headed NW on Milwaukee and she was On. Until she wasn't after a Split. I found that and was soon passed by everyone. We got to Addison and Pulaski and headed east for a block and then further north. Falling behind Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin, and being a smart ass, I decided to shortcut to Avondale for the run on in to the east and the finish. Only the trail didn't go that way. Meanwhile the rest of the pack headed west on Avondale and were out of sight. Damn. So they sort of followed Avondale NW to Irving Park with a few climbs up massive steps to train platforms. On trail and off. Then the circled back east On Irving Park and ran circles around Independence Park and on to a little hidden area along the Expy for a beer stop. Meanwhile I walked the trail backwards to the beer stop and they weren't there. I'm thinking, "How could I have missed them." So back to the start/finish and they aren't there. So back again to the beer stop and they were just finishing up. Lesson learned. Don't try to outguess the hare. We held a Moon style circle and finally headed on out and I caught the last east bound bus out of there. On Out
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E









The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed. Mar 27, 2024, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Garmin hared a live trail from River Shannon at 425 W. Armitage. A great location and a great pack of hounds. The greatest hounds in Chicago. Or is that hound. Yeah, hound. Singular. Only Horn-E showed up. With such a small pack, and they don't get any smaller, the hare decided to lay a short trail. And it was with no Checks and a bunch of Splits. A piss stop head start, like Horn-E was ever going to catch him, and the hash was on. Actually I came out of the bar and as I was putting on my gloves and back pack, I saw the hare across the street laying trail in a housing section. Short Cut. He headed right out of there and north on Lincoln. Out of sight I followed to the next intersection and a Triple Split. I guessed east and to the park and I was right. All of the way to Lincoln Park west and another Triple split. I doubted it would go north and was wrong. I guessed into the park and as I got to Stockton Drive, there was the hare on the other side of the street heading south. So my wrong guess was a lucky right guess and now I'm right behind the hare again. Trail headed south and then towards the lake and around the lagoon. Guessing right on Splits I'm doing fine. Around the prairie areas by the lagoon and under Grant's statue and south to Ben Franklin. Here trail went back towards city streets. again. Guessing right on a Split I headed south on Clark. And finally screwed up. About where I would have guessed he headed west, I missed a Split doing just that. But returning I'm right back on trail. Finally at an alley in Old Town there is a Split I guess right and didn't go far enough. Going around the block I finally find the mark coming out of the alley and one mark later I was at B and the hare. A quick circle, one down down each and a quick beer, the hare was cold and we were On Out. 
Hash Break
Thu. Mar 28, 2024. The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow laid trail from the Polk Street Pub for her 2nd Anal, Jesus Saves Hash. The bar was closed. Then along came a couple and she hashed before. But the hare still couldn't talk them into joining us. So we waited outside and when no one else arrived, we were on out. Four hounds and they were soon heading south and leaving me behind. Zig and zag and we got to Roosevelt. I saw them ahead at the light. They crossed and I caught the light again. From here it was south a few more blocks and then past the Pacific Garden Mission and a Back Check. By the time I got there they were gone and the trail went straight north to Roosevelt and after another Zig and a Zag and the trail had a BN at the entrence to Portillos parking lot. I found no more marks anywhere and no drinking hounds. WTF. So I circled the area and finally picked up on trail. South to Harrison and then east across the river to a Beer stop. Only no one was there. No hare again and no beer. WTF. Well, what happened was that at Portillos, SnatchSquatch, Bottom Wrangler and Catstro Dick Assist also couldn't find marks, the hare, or beer. CDA looked inside Portillos and there was the hare with hugh mugs of beer and chicken. Wow. Great beer stop and they almost missed it. And I did, Damn. So when they left, they were ahead of the hare and more beer and behind me, running all over the area looking for the beer. Beautiful beer stop under the buildings and such and along the river. Nice short circle and beers and then we were on Out.
Hash Break
Sun. Mar 31, 2024. The Chicago Hash. La Shartistie hared from Double Bubble, just five blocks from my house. But it was Easter Sunday and I did the family thing. Don't know what happened but I heard about 6 hounds, If anyone writes a story I'll print it.
Hash Break
Tue. Apr 2, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash. #100. Lifa laid trail from Eckert Park for a, Wow, get this, pack of 12 hounds. And it was supposed to rain. Mostly the usual suspects and one returning hasher. Peace Corp Whore. I showed up late and got off the bus and saw a Check. I'm a little late so I just start checking. West and nothing. South and nothing and as I'm returning north I see a hound heading into a alley. Peace Corp Whore. But he only had one arrow. The pack is scattered and I head east on Chicago and nothing. And then the pack finds an arrow into an alley north and west. Damn. In back again. Way back. I ran on and followed False Advertising into the alley. Saw him make a turn south and so I did a block earlier then that, and paralleled trail for a block. And I saw several runners head west and north and all over. Only they were, yech, real runners, not hashers. Well, now I'm way back and following trail and sweep marks and just plodding along. Back and forth towards Ogden and a Check. Finally found marks over the bridge to the north and a big loop around that big dreaded intersection. I finally short cut a little and no marks so I short cut over the bridge and into Eckert Park and there is the hare laying his last few marks. I missed a great beer stop in a wooded section with wild game everywhere. Well, rats. But big ones. And the pack was soon coming in. I would have missed the beer stop anyhow. Nice circle and soon everyone was moving on, back to the Chipp Inn or on home, and I was ON Out.
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E

Hash Break
Thu. Apr 11, 2024, The Thristday Hash, Takes It All from Waukesha laid trail from The Unforgetable Bar. We had seven hounds on a nice night. There were several shots stops and two beer stops as the Hare tried to show us how The Waukesha Hash takes the run out of hashing. All right, it wasn't that bad, but it was short. A course that only Horn-E could f*ck up and he did, missing the second Beer Stop. We started to the north and a quick T and E Split. They were already out of sight on the E when I got there so I took the T trail. Gave me the opportunity to look for trail myself until the pack caught me. Headed east on Collum to Keystone, north for a bit and through an alley to a Check at Pulaski. I picked the right course and soon the pack was right behind me and then in front of me. We ran to Irving Park and then east to a beer stop in Independence Park. After this it was south to a Check at Byron and down the hidden foot path to Pulaski. Trail went south under the Expressway and here is where I lost the pack. Jammed my toe on a rusty bolt sticking out of the concrete where a sign once stood. I limped a bit and the pack was out of sight. I wandered a bit until I finally found trail again, missing the second beer stop, at Grace and Keeler. From here it went to an alley and On In. Short circle in the bar while the hounds gobbled up some Waukesha Cheese. The pack drank on and I had to head On Out.
Hash break.
Sat. Apr 13, 2024 The Big Dog Hash. Lifa laid trail from the Ham Tree Inn for 10 to 15 hounds. Unfortunately, on a beautiful day, only 4 hounds showed up. And we were in an area where angled streets and NS and EW streets meet. So we soon got separated and back together and on and on. I got ahead of Back Door Bizzle and then at a back check I ended up following everyone to a Check at Central and Elston. I spotted Chicken Stifer in the distance heading through a parking lot and ranged to eventually follow CS and False Advertising into Lechowiitz Woods and a Check at the shelter. CS & FA were wandering around the grassy field and BDB was just arriving and we were back together again. Sort of. Bye every one. Trail was found to the west along the river by CS. And that was the last we saw of him until the Beer Stop. I followed FA under a bridge and along the river to the NW. BDB was following with $20 Butt Stuff. FA took a wrong way on a Split that allowed Horn-E to get ahead of him but H was soon passed as we left the beautiful flower area (Come to the Bushman Hash next week for the full flower run. They look great and there will be tons more). As we left the forest we had a Check. Not swept and FA went left, right. H went right, wrong. But you have to check it out. Eventually returning, BDB was now ahead of H and we had a lot of pavement pounding ahead of us. All alone. Yeah, the four of us were out of sight of each other until H finally caught BDB on NW HWY. A block later we saw FA checking and followed him down a series of alleys and on into the BS in a little park. We held a short circle and all was good. And then it was back to cars at the bar and on home.On Out.
Hash Break
Sun. Apr 14, 2024. The Chicago Hash. Horn-E hared from Gamblers. Will anyone show with camp outs and road trips sucking off some regulars or will there be a zero turnout like the last one in a snow storm. When I got there after laying trail, Back Door Bizzle was waiting at the door. Inside was one hound, Garmin. But the bartender mentioned a guy at the bar that wanted to run with us. Hey, he is drinking beer before the hash. Sounds like hash material. Just Jim, welcome. Then we got Lifa and Lower Wackoff who wasn't going to come. And a hash bimbo, All Bush No Balls. That's a hash these days. And someone said Choke N Stroke was cuming late. So they were off after a quick Chalk talk and warnings. About 5 minutes later, Ice Princes and Brother Incisor also arrived. Nine hounds. The first Check by a bridge caught Lifa crossing the bridge and checking out all three Falses. Someone else went east and over another Bridge. False. Then Lifa looked back and a driveway and an alley and the pack was on again. Trail wandered past the Admiral and another Check. From here trail went down a long alley and into an amazing maze of streets NS streets, EW streets, NWSE streets and NESW streets. And then alleys and triangle blocks and a total mess. If you got off trail you might not get back on. And somehow they managed to manage that mess and head north for a few quick Checks and a park where the damn hare was sitting on a log with beer. Lifa was FRB and eventually the others managed to find there way in. I heard Just Jim managed to stay with All Bush No Balls so he has good taste in women. And all Harrietts taste good. Right? Circle was held there. And then the pack finally left. Well, almost. Some of us headed back to Gamblers for a few more rounds. Trail of the Year. On Out
Hash break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Mar 21, 2024. The Thristday Hash. SnatchSquatch will hare from District Brew Yards. Victim of the CTA yet again. Damn Ghost Buses. So I missed the trail. I heard there were two hounds, Bit On The Clit IN Texes and Just Vinny and they actually swept the trail again and again in case I made it there. Thanks.
Hash break
Mon, Mar 22, 2024. The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her hared from 2201 W. Campbell, The Bert's Meat Cul de Sac. A last minute announcement and we had four hounds show up. All over 50. Where is the young blood in Chicago? It was a nice night. We took off to the north with Horn-E leading before he started limping again. And we had a False at the expressway that naturally Horn-E found. All the way over the bridge. Damn. So Stuffin Muffin took over leading the geriatric pack as we headed on a zig Zag pattern to Western and another Check. And he was long gone before Horn-E, Magnetic Muff and  Just Do Me Slowly came along and found trail. A short course that headed towards the Hare's Hutch. But that was a False Trail. Around a local track with Horn-E trying to lead the harriets before giving up and walking along with them as they got texted from Stuffin Muffin on where to go at each Split and Check. And finally we caught him on a Triple Split he was still working and it came to a BN Check. So, that old fart Horn-E guessed it had to go to the Hare Hutch and headed in that direction and was On. And FRB. With the DFL ladies only a block behind. Then it was inside to good beers, whiskeys etc., and Korean food. And we headed out after 11:00. And I missed my bus. But there was one last bus and it took over a half hour for it to come along. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun. Mar 24, 2024. The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess hared from Kasey's and we had 10 hounds on trail. Well, if you count False Advertising who short cut half way through. What else is new. Anyway, trail headed east to Michigan. On the way False Advertising managed to connect J. Dilcia up with Back Door Bizzel. He was walking with $20 Butt Stuff and, well, J Dilcia needed a walker to tag along with. She was trying to run in sandals. That had to be interesting. I don't know how much Spanish he knew, but she knew virtually no English. So all of you that know a little Spanish, come on out and welcome her back. Anyhow, they ended up DFLs. So for the rest of us. Trail went south on Michigan, into the park, back south on Michigan and east on Roosevelt. And I manged to just barely keep them in sight. We then headed south, around a little park and to the hard Check. Hard because suddenly they couldn't find it, not going far enough down an alley. So Horn-E ranged a block west. Nothing. So It had to go south and ranging is my middle name. A block later I came to a Split coming from the east. Had to be. But I went wrong and went a block west. So, it was the other way and a long way straight south to 16th St. And here was a Triple Split. And the pack was just coming from the east led by J. Vinny. I went west again and I was ON again and still in front, down an alley under the El Tracks and through a tunnel to Michigan. Trail went north and to another Split. Again I guessed right and finally found the mark and called out to J. Vinny. And then it was another Split. I headed into this park and a small neighborhood. Wrong. Trail headed west and then north on Clark. A long road with no outlets until Roosevelt. And a Check. And then still north on Clark to Polk. Meanwhile I paralleled straight north. under Roosevelt and north, through a little park and finally to Polk and I hear whistles. I look west and there is Double Red Diamond heading down an alley. I parallel to Harrison and see J Vinny running east and I follow him into the finish. The finish was the Hare's Hutch Roof Deck. And eventually Back Door Bissel showed up and started circle. We had two virgins. I hope I get this right. I thought I heard J. Adrian at Chalk Talk, and J Andreas. Eventually we also were introduced to our newbie, J. Dilcia who sipped a lot and finished her beer and poured it over her head. Well done. Then she put the empty can, or was that a refill, on her head and started pole dancing, and break dancing with the can on her head. I swear it was true. Again, well done. J. Vinny was FRB and Bi Holer was FBI. But eventually all good circles have to end and piss stops in the hares sand box down stairs. Others on trail, in case anyone forgot who they are, was ,Joaquin Penis & Dick Hermonica and a group of house puppies. On Out
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu. Mar 14, 2024. The Thristday Hash. Brother Incisor and Ice Princess laid trail Nesei Lounge for a pack of seven hounds plus one real late comer, Lower Wackoff. But he managed to run into Horn-E returning to the bar, as he was heading for the bar. Horn-E gave him a short cut to some trail and he ran until he figured out how bad it was and came back to the bar. All right, it wasn't that bad. But how would I know. I missed most if it myself. We started out running around the fringes of the CTA construction zone and by the time we got past that they were already out of sight and I was on my own again. Trail then got down to Belmont and headed west past the CTA for two blocks and a Check. It was sort of swept. South or west. I chose west and was wrong again. After a block Stacys Niece ran up to me, also lost. I suggested he go back a block and check south and I'd keep ranging west. Trail had to come back to Belmont. Right? Wrong, He got on and I got way off running four blocks west before heading north for two blocks and then back towards the bar. The trail had to come back this way. Right. Wrong. And finally I met Lower Wackoff parking his car. Meanwhile the trail did go south and further west and then a loop towards the east and eventually back to the bar from the north. Was I off. Not a question. A statement. Many came in complaining about this and that on trail, like marks they couldn't find. But Garmin found them okay and was in ten minutes before everyone else. The date was 3/14, Pi is 3.14 and the trail was 3.14 miles. But they mostly did about 4.14 and all science is crashing. Circle was held in the back beer garden and then everyone re assembled in the bar and drank on. On Out.
Hash break
Sat, Mar 16, 2024, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods. Expecting only Lifa and maybe one other, I laid an easy trail with few Checks and a lot of path tunning. Then five hounds showed up and they blew through the trail almost before I got to B with the beer. Damn. Was it that short, or that easy? Anyhow the trail headed straight north to a quick loop and I was able to see False Advertising finding the trail out of that and heading along the river on tiny paths while Chicken Stifer was shortcutting on the grass. Across the river and trail followed the path along the river for a big loop and then on north. Along here the hare, that would be this old limping bastard, stepped in a hole, tried to catch his balance and caught his foot on a log and did a header. My ankle was a little sore, but it moved okay and now I had a sore right foot to match my sprained left foot. Went on north and finally a Check with a long False along the river that SnatchSquatch managed to get. But back on trail across the picnic areas and heading east. along the river and then into virtually un hashed areas near Caldwell. Then the trail started to get wet and I looped around. Trail then headed over to the big ravine and my ankle was starting to really hurt and I was really limping so I cut things short. Another Check that Chicken Stifer found and soon he was under Devon along the River and a new beer stop location in an area across the river from the golf course. And the area was full of little white flowers. No, wait, golf balls. I manged to find 20 before I had the beer hidden. And then the pack arrived. All except Zone 2. She got attacked by a two prong twig that leaped out at her foot and bit her. Well, something like that. So she went back to her car. And after a quick round or two of circle, her mate and knight in shinning finally went to rescue her and whisk her off and away home. Only it didn't work out that way. As they were about to leave, False Advertising noticed Lifa's bag in the back seat and they came all the way back to the Circle to return it. And there was exactly 2 beers left. Worked perfect, So, when the beer was gone, the pack headed west to the cars and I headed east to my bus. But not before picking a few of those white flowers. Damn, that bag got heavy. I ended up struggling up a steep hill on my two lame ankles to Devon for that long walk back. I had 28 pounds of golf balls. Never new they weighed that much. 131 of them. Hell, I had nothing else to do but go home and ice my sore right ankle all night. Going in for X rays tomorrow. If I was an Indian and you looked at my foot your'd swear I was a member of the Blackfoot Tribe. On Out
Hash Break
Sun. Mar 17, 2024. 2:00pm The Chicago Hash. Lifa was a late stand in for a St. Patricks Day Hash from Rinalli's west loop. Back after 6 days from this same bar. We had 14 hounds on trail. I found myself limping along trail with two others, Zone 2 and Back Door Bizzel, and a short cut from the hare, and we came in 1, 2, 3. Yeah, Zone 2 came in FRB. The trail started going south through Skinner Park and south of the Expressway. After it returned to the north it was a short loop towards Union Park that caught a lot, including us walkers into thinking it was a beer stop in Union Park. But is was back to Skinner park. I did get two bits about the trail. At one point SnatchSquatch saw Cul De Sack Tap heading off in the distance and followed him, only to eventually see Cul De Sack Tap heading the other way. Make sure you know who you are following when ranging. And that brings us to another bit. SnatchSquatch was off on a long raging loop and False Advertising followed. That brought them in last with False Advertising coming in about 5 minutes later. You live by ranging you die by ranging and they both do it often. SH. We did have two visitors and they entered us with a non verbal song. Great. Thanks to R2D cup and BOSCO from Alaska. And we did have two Justs, Vinny and Page the Vassar girl. Do something stupid so we can name you. Back Door Bizzle led us in a circle. Yes, he survived his recent boxing match with a Split Decision loss. They are headed for a rematch and he vows to make his wife a widow and their kids orphans. Yeah, yeah. yeah. Then he had to head home to shovel and sewage in his basement. No, we don't want to hear about it. I'm sure it is a shitty story.
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Tue, Mar 5, 2024, The 4X2H4 Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Insider Her hared from Lone Wolf for two on time hounds and one late old man. Trail was fairly easy as it headed towards the loop. I was able to follow it and a few nicely swept marks and worked my way towards Canal and Lake. A little loop north that I was able to short cut and then over the bridge on Lake. But no marks. And somehow I heard an ON On from a Harriett. Or so it seemed. Could that have been Brother Incisor from across the river to the north carried on a strong north wind. But I saw no one and no marks so I headed back and found the turn arrow I missed. This led down near river level and along the river heading north. Finally On Canal I'm heading north and I see two people running west across Canal on Kinzie. Could they be hashers. Trail turned east on Kinzie on the south side of the street. But I crossed the street and there was a mark heading west. Those two runners were out of sight, but I followed. And lost them again. There was a Split under the tracks. They headed straight and found marks. I headed north into the dark dirty tunnel with boogy men and rats everywhere. But no marks. I ranged around and finally came back to Kinzie and there was a Check. They weren't sweeping anymore, but I was right on it and after 7.63 more miles I ran up to the circle on a little hill overlooking the new Guinness Brewery. Brother Incisor and False Advertising were the only other hounds and the two hares. After a few quick down Downs we decided to finish off in the brewery. And I enjoyed one of the best glasses of Guinness I can remember. It helps when they have it real fresh and know how to pour it. On Out
Hash Break
Thu. Mar 7, 2024. The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow hared from Four Treys for 8 hounds. Alright, the trail wasn't that bad. Well, not really. Just one massive screw up at Ashland and Belmont and one short one at Damen and Roscoe. So the pack takes off on a short loop, S W N E and back to just north of Four Treys. By now the runners were out of sight. I came there and apparently missed a turn south to the alley and then East. Anyhoo, back and forth and two walkers  finally arrived. They also didn't see the turn. But we decided to go East and a block later there was an arrow cumming from the south. WTF. Apparently that alley. Anyhoo, I crossed the street and saw marks heading back west. WTF. And this led to a Back Check. And then a photo stop I missed. And that was at the mysterious Rat Hole, the theme if this trail. From here I was following Botton Wrangler with Garmin and Homo Dynamics following. We got to a Check at Lincoln and a few hundred feet later another Check at Lincoln and Belmont. Six corners and the whole back apparently was there, and not finding the trail. Now here is that second FO. Trail went south on Lincoln. And while we were looking for that mysterious mark. the hare came by, finishing trail. And laid a Check, right by the first mark for true trail from that other Check. And we saw her and then she was gone and we don't know what happened. But we finally found that trail heading south and were off and running. Not realizing that we were on a loop of over a mile or more and right back to that new Check the hare just laid. WTF. By the time I got there with Homo Dynamics everyone else was gone. but they swept that Check straight West. But it didn't go that way. It went west on the other side of the street and a block later, back to the south side of the street. And we walked that whole long block and no marks. Back to that damn six corner intersection. We split and a few more blocks of ranging I finally came to the real trail. From there it was a simple trail to the park at Damen and Belmont. Meanwhile Homo Dynamics wandered back to the rat hole and finally saw a park on his cell phone. And he joined us. We all gathered and circle was already underway. And all was good. Others on rail were Stacy's Niece, Just Vinny, Brother Incisor and Shitty Situation. On Out.
Hash break
Sun Mar 10, 2024, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff & Soul Taco laid trail from On Tour Brewery. Yeah, I'm late again. CTA. I'm a half hour behind them. But the trail was mostly swept and I just plunged on and on. Mostly west near Grand to Smith Park a block west of Western. And then the big loop back. And eventually to a BN in a kiddie park full of parents and kiddies on this beautiful day. Then the hares changed and Soul Taco laid her part to the Soul Palace in the sky. This was back and forth sort of along Chicago until it was not, at an unmarked Check. Then a screwed up mark at a Split. But I was guessing right and walking now, due to a bad ankle. And on east and south until another Check, and this was a block from the Soul Palace. There I found three hashers on the street and we headed up 47 flights of stairs to a room full of hashers. Where the hell were they all winter while a few of us kept hashing going. And who were they.  Visiting 3rd Personality, Horny John, and Needy For Meaty. A virgin Just Brad. Then two we haven't seen in a long time, the Ass brothers, EZ On The Ass and Happy Ass Grabber. We then headed up to the roof deck of the palace and circle. And half way through the circle the Ass Brothers left just before the hare Lower Wackoff had a song for EZ On The Ass. After circle we headed down to the inner sanctum of the Taco Palace for one last beer and the pack quickly disappeared. Lower Wackoff and I were the last to leave Soul Taco's beautiful home with beer cans thrown everywhere and beer spilled all over the floor. And we even took the left over beer. Left over beer? This was supposed to be a hash. On Out. 
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed, Jun 28, 2023, The Whiskey Wed Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from Senior Citizens Park for five hounds. From a nice park for seniors to a kiddie park to a stinking alley in less then a hundred yards. But we are hashers and we run on. Across Western and into more alleys and the three in back finally catch to the two front runners at a Check they could resolve. Lifa returns from a False and heads in the right direction and misses the mark. Then he is off to the north. I follow thinking he is finally On. The last I saw of him was heading north. I follow, but no marks. I range south and suddenly there is Lifa coming from the south. WTF. He returns to the Check and it is marked, where he initially didn't see the mark.  and we are off through more alleys and across Western and back and forth afound the North Western intersection. We again regroup at another Check. Berts Special Friend is on, but didn't know it, because of a hole in the fence and the third mark way down the alley. WTF. So it is back to Western and south and eventually to the 606. Another regroup sort of, on the fly. Lifa is ahead and Berts Special Friend following. Then the three slugs. Me and Magnetic Muff walking and Stuffin Muffin running. We finally exit the 606 at Damen and head south to another Check at Cortland. And everyone is gone and I'm alone again. But I cross Damen and in an alley id Stuffin Muffin pointing the way. And it is alleys and such to where I saw marks on the way to the bar, and I do a quick short cut and get in front of Stuffin Muffin as we get to the Whiskey Stop behind the Web. After that we headed back to the park and held circle and hung out in the Canadian Smoke. Certainly not good, but no worse then over forty ears in smoky bars. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu, Jun 29, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Horn-E hared from Gompers Park for three hounds. The GM listed my hash as heading for the shiggy. Listen to the hare and not wild imaginations about the hares trail. And forget about threats from air pollution. It rained heavily all day. Most of the smoke particles from the Canadian Forest Fires were washed out of the air. So the negatives hurt and only three hounds. Lower Wackoff and Lifa and the transplant Swiss Balls, mostly a walker. Trail headed west through the park and a Check at Foster. No, it didn't go into the next park and towards shiggy. South and west to the next Check and again, two trails heading north towards the shiggy. Not. South and then west to a Check at Lawrence. True trail went through a parking lot and a hole in the fence and a maze of streets and alleys and that bastard hare twisted the trail north and south as it worked its way east and a great opportunity for the Swiss Balls and Lower Wackoff to catch Lifa. Until the Check at the end. And Lifa ran on and eventually On In. About 5 to 10 minutes later the other two came in from the wrong direction. WTF. Anyhow, there is two ponds there. One is sort of upper level and fed by a little stream and a flag stone waterfall of about five feet in various levels. It is fed by a bubbler. and with fresh moving water. So no skeeters. And even though they sprayed, I didn't and not a bite. The skeeters hang near stagnant water and underbrush. So that is were we held circle. Three beer drinkers and 12 beers. When they were done, we were done. On Out
Hash Break
Sun, Jul 2, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Peterson Park for four, plus one, hounds. The usual suspects, Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E. And that is the way the pack stayed. Lifa was soon gone at the first check in the Northeastern campus. Well, How did we know the trail went there? The hare works there. Lifa now long gone, Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff made up the middle and I was was barely keeping them in sight, and not in sight and we did this long counterclockwise loop. Along the river, through another campus, more rivers edge and then north through park paralleling the river. Finally we are heading west over the river and actually running through some park and neighborhood I don't recall running through. I finally get to the entrance of the park and head on in and there is the pack, circling near some picnic benches. Halfway through the circle double Meter Beater showed up. Running from home he ran across the trail somewhere near the south east edge and followed it on in to the finish. And thanks to Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff for the ride home. On Out
Hash Break
Mon. Jul 3, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Sleepy Num Nums finally got us a location 2 days before the hash. Now what kind of turnout can we expect from that. At a beer stop at Ravens, he told them he expected 7 to 10 for circle there. I counted 9 of the usual suspects, Okay. Then another five irregular hashers. Okay. And one returned for a visit, Mommys Coming. Okay. Two new transplants, Swiss Balls and Penquin. Okay. One visitor Pussy Sweater, brought three virgins. Okay. Then another visitor, Little Foot, brought about ten virgins. WTF. That last group was the real surprise. They were world class runners, in town for the World Beer Mile Championships. Yeah, in Chicago. These were the best beer mile runners from their countries, At least Sweden, Canada and Australia were there. By the way. America won the team championship. Like five minute milers after drinking four beers one before each quarter. And these guys compete at anything. While at Ravens, I watched four of them, with a full basket of fresh pop corn, race to see who could finish the whole basket without using their hands, About three minutes of four faces buried in pop corn. Crazy stuff there. By the way, any of you beer mile people looking to try hashing when you get home, look up Half_mind.com and that should get you to a lot of sites wherever you live.
So I arrive at the start and saw this mob and didn't know many. And they were off running south. One quick loop of a block and then over to the north Ave beach, north a block to the foot bridge and through Lincoln Park to Dickens for a beer stop. then three blocks of a quick loop to Ravens. And these fast runners were running everywhere. Past the marks. Hey, these guys were fast.  Well, with too large of a crowd for a circle at Ravens, we headed over to the lagoon just north of Fullerton and under a big street light, we held circle. There were 30 of us. Rusty Grundle was called to act as RA and did a good job with some innovative shit that had the circle really going. When the beer ran down, we ended, hung around until all cans were drained and then the pack that was left, mostly that Beer Mile crowd headed over to McGees, following SnatchSquatch, to close the place. Remember all you virgins, The Chicago Hash is your Mother Hash wherever you go. And let them know how well Chicago showed you what hashing can be about. Now if only we could get our local people back out. Kung Flu is over. It is safe to hash again and still fun trails. 
Hash Break.
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E






The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Jun 22, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Famming Flaggott hared from Kelly's, thanks to a last minute delivery from American Airlines. Actually they screwed up his earlier flight and so he had little time to lay a trail. And it showed. Five turns in the whole course. We headed west two blocks. Actually three because we didn't understand how he was marking trail. He was still out marking trail. Any who, we then headed straight south to the alley just before North. Now I'm already out of sight of the pack, and it is four blocks straight west in the alley to a Check. And the Check is marked north so I head north. Third turn in the course. But no real idea if I am On until I see the second mark. All marks were as tiny as the hares dick, and all hidden, and a block apart, and after the intersections. It was a crap shoot. But I finally see enough marks to know I'm ON. Get to De Paul's campus and suddenly Coming Right Meow cumes up behind me. Lost trail. I said the marks were small. Sometimes only one per block. So we go through the campus and their is a mark. Across Fullerton and several more blocks north to the fourth turn, east, and a quick fifth turn into Jonquil park for a beer stop and circle and there is the pack. About 1.7 mile trail. But the hare kept the beer flowing and made up for everything by successfully blaming it all on American Airlines and finally flying standby in the last seat available. Next to the crapper that should have flushed over St. Louis. No one cares about them anyhow. Well, at least he got out three Harrietts for a pack of seven. On Out
Hash Break
 Mon. Jun 26, 2023, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. ...He's Still Limping finally got us a late location, Moody's Pub. And we had a visitor from Cal, Vin Dazzle, who luckily found the hash. And he was hoping to be dazzled by the hares trail and the Chicago Hashers on trail. Yeah, two old men, a cripple and a new guy in Chicago who also wanted to be dazzled by the Chicago Hash. A beautiful night and the rest of the Chicago Hash was missing in inaction. Five of us. The hare led us in a chalk talk and bewildered even the Chicago Hashers. A salmon check. Well, the people in the park found it amusing watching three hounds playing around with each others thighs. Hmmm? Meanwhile the resident two old men were at the beer stop these three young bucks missed. Lower Wackoff was wading off into Lake Michigan toward old rocky island to rescue the fair hared mermaid laying in the setting sun, passing out beer. I digress. J. Chase found the first check, straight west and to another Check at Senn. I got there as Bottom Wrangler and Vin Dazzle were heading off to the cry of ON ON from J. Chase. Lower Wackoff was right behind them and of course the old horn dog, Horn-E. But at Ridge we missed the turn on ridge with the trail going from flour to chalk. But we found it and the leaders were long gone by now. We ran some alleys and through Senn Campus and over to Broadway. And a Check, in flour. I just walked that way on the way to the bar and never saw that mark, or the dollops of flour. It wasn't raining. I had looked for chalk. Oh Well. North past Double Bubble and a Split swept to the young guys. We followed two blocks east, a block south and then straight east to the beer stop on the beach. Easy Peasy. But where was the pack. They somehow missed the hare and the smell of beer. And they call themselves hashers. They had run on. Eventually Lower Wackoff finished a second beer and we ran on. Several blocks later the hare texted Lower Wackoff that the front runners finally got to the beer stop. Just as Horn-E was at the salmon stop. Come on back, there is enough beer for circle and what better place then on the beach. The only thing missing was the bongo drums and forty two bimbos in bikinis. Our RA called circle together. All blame we could drag out from those that missed the beer stop to those that didn't miss the beer stop were squeezed out. The beer was finished and we headed back to Moodys were most stuck around for one more round. On Out.
Hash Break
 On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Jun 15, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Bit On The Clit In Texas will lay trail from The Barrel, And the pack gathered. Sort of. SnatchSquatch arrived much later then planned. Something about the Pink Line slamming on the breaks as it pulled into the Clinton Station. Someone ended up on the tracks, under the first car and probably dead. Ooops. That might delay a train. So our hero crawls through a window, jumps about 50 feet down to the ground, grabs a DIVVY and pedals his ass off to the Barrel. And arrives right after the next Pink Line Train with other hashers aboard. If only he waited. So we are off, Seven hounds. Will further tragedy be averted. Well, Horn-E falls behind, as usual. Going to the shag wagon while the pack ran off. So, as the trail headed north and then west, Horn-E spotted a runner going east on 18th St. Could it be. Would it be. It wasn't. But as he ranges north, Meat Inside Her, then Cumming Right Meow and then Berts Special Friend pop out of an alley and keep heading east. Short cut one worked. Heading east now, Horn-E still falls behind. And at Ashland he sees a mark heading north under a long dirty viaduct. What goes north, must come back south. So He heads further east, or he will never finish that trail. And sure enough, at Blue Island, a mark heading north and to a Check at 18th. Short cut number 2 worked. While trying to solve this, the pack starts to arrive. Berts Special Friend and SnatchSquatch. And SnatchSquatch finds trail further south and is gone. At the next circle (what was that mark supposed to mean) Meat Inside Her and eventually Bottom Wrangler arrive and eventually the trail is found to the west and on into the park for a beer stop. And the winds were blowing and no one wanted to circle there. So Sleepy Num Nums our night in dirty sweaty rags, got on his white charger and rode off to rescue the missing maiden, Cumming Right Meow and get her back to the barrel. We held a lively circle and the hare was laughing so hard at the verses of some songs she never heard before, that I thought she was going to P her knickers.Then the bartender came over and wondered what the hell is happening. We are making all of this noise, but no one is buying beer. Well, the hare thought we could just finish all of the beer she bought earlier from the bar. NOPE. Well, that ended circle and I was ON Out
Hash Break
Sat, Jun 17, 2023,The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park for 10 hounds. Unfortunately only 3 arrived due to out of town activities that attracted some, well a lot, of our local hashers. Then add in that the trail that was planned was over run by a soccer tournament for kids and their were pitches everywhere. So the pack headed north on trail I never laid before and even to the east, really virgin territory, but still managed to stay together until they came to the bone yard. A pile of former deer. Just into the woods from Cumberland. Alright kiddies. This is why you look both ways when crossing streets. Got that Horn-E. But the pack goes on. Around a wooded section, along a pond, and into the woods and a path heading west. Until the path didn't head west anymore. But the trail did. Knee high grasses and such and good woods running until a road. Check. The hare got the pack here before they finally headed south. Really shitty part of the trail. It wasn't where I wanted to be with the trail. So they had to run along roads and parking lots until the trail finally got into some more great woods running territory. Down along a creek bed and finally a Check. Trail from here was knee high grasses and semi open running in real great woods fashion as it twisted back and forth. Trail finally broke out onto a bike path and mostly just paths all of the way back to the B. Nice running paths. The best part was the Split by the hill. Berts Special Friend told Meat Inside Her that there is a picnic table at the top of the hill and the B might be there. Ha Ha. It wasn't and as she got to the top, he yelled On ON. Then at the next Split, he went the wrong way. Revenge is sweet, And she came into the finish first moaning about it being her longest Bushman yet. Over 5 miles. Hell, I did over 7. Eventually Back Door Bizzel came on in. And the beer was good and cold. And the only casualty was a tic on The leg of the Grand Bush. Tic toc tic, will it be a Lyme tic. Not. And there we held circle in an air field while helicopters were doing loop d loops. A private air show. Cool shade and a nice breeze and Meat Inside Her learned about the 'Meanist'. And as for those that did the bike camping trip, apparently there was a crash and two hashers were banged up a bit. Hope they are okay. This is getting to be a dangerous weekend. On Out.
Hash break
Sun. Jun 18, 2023, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Cuntlery will lay trail from Illuminated Brew Works until she changed her mind three days before the hash. Now she will lay trail a few miles up the road at Firewater. Then supposedly she got hit by a car while on her bike and wasn't up to it. So the might LIFA stepped up to hare. A 5 mile twisting clockwise loop. a to a'. And only Horn-E showed. Then Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. Despite all of the changes, we have a small pack and we are off. Wellm we got 4 blocks into the trail when Magnetic Muff did a header. About a five point landing. knees, elbows, wrists and head. But it was the left elbow that took the brunt of it. A bleeding large rash. So she headed back to the bar with Stuffin Muffin. Now it is Horn-e and two fast hounds and pretty soon they were long gone. I did manage to see Berts Special Friend once more. He waved t the west. Well, trail then went north and east and I ran into another hasher walking a dog. Chatting a bit and the wrong way and now I'm way behind. But splits were marked and they did the Back Checks and I didn't have to do them. I arrived at the beer check as they were getting ready to leave. And again they left me behind, but Splits were marked until the last Beer Near Check. Three ways to go. The right way was my thrid choice and still I was on the wrong side of the street. But straight to the beer stop and the pack was just starting circle as I crawled on in. And Magnetic Muff was there with ice on her elbow. It was the size of a baseball but going down. Hope she's okay. After circle I discovered I just missed my train. So Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her gave me a ride home. Thanks loads. On Out. 
Hash Break
 Mon Jun 19, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Bit On The Clit In Texas and North Bangher Alley finally got out a location for their hash. I got the word the day before. Somehow we still had 11 hounds for trail. Trail took off to the east and then north. I last saw a hasher at Wellington and Halsted. But trail went south. and then over to Lincoln Park for a bit. That east part I missed. Just walking I was to far behind. So I headed south and two blocks later I found the return trail and a Check at Wellington. I knew the finish was straight west, so it was easy to pick straight west. But I was on the south side of the street. True trail was on the north side of the street. After only finding one mark. I crossed the street and it was after the trail went north. I went west and still found nothing, So I crossed the street again, just before the true trail came back to  Wrightwood and ON In to the beer stop. So, not finding marks, I ranged south, all the way to Fullerton on Lincoln. Nothing. Damn. So I return on Halsted to the Check and now it is marked to that damn other side of Wrightwood and I was finally able to follow the true trail On IN. Damn. Take a chance ranging. It works, then I screw it up and almost came in last. So, what was good about this trail. Well, no one got injured. No blood. That is a start. Circle was fun and long and good. After circle the pack just hung out drinking beer. A newer hasher, Just Chase, told me he likes these stories. Thanks. All right, you got your plug and a mention. Now come on out more often. On Out.
Hash Break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Jun 8, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Cuntlery laid trail from Illuminated Brew Works for an anticipated 2 hounds. Crotch Fire showed up early, saw marks and took off on his bicycle on trail. WTF. Four hounds were inside the brewery drinking beer. Snatch/Squatch, Chicken Stifer, Lost Her Penis and Lifa. The marks were hard enough to follow that they soon caught him. Then Horn-E showed up after 1:37 in CTA Hell waiting for buses, etc. He followed, and followed and followed. Sometimes the Splits and Checks were swept. Sometimes they weren't. Like that first Triple Split. 250 yards left, nothing. 300 yards right, nothing. It was straight. Damn. But the trail was nice, sort of, and the homes were really nice, suburban homes. Some were decorated in Stars and Stripes and not a damn rainbow anywhere. Finally came to a street near the tracks again. BN. The brewery was to the left. But the trail went right for several more blocks away from the finish. Finally B pointing to the tracks. and no one in sight. Headed over to NW highway to get my bearings. The brewery was about a mile NW. There was no way of knowing if anyone would even be there when I got there. And a bus was coming. On Out
Hash Break
Sat, Jun 10, 2023, The Big Dog Hash. Stiffy 4 Stiffies laid trail from Ink and Drink for 8 hounds. The trail was twisting around a lot and three hounds were walking this long Idiotarod Summer Classic, Back Door Bizzle, Horn-E and $20 Butt Stuff. And Horn-E found the first Check through Sonic parking lot and over a fence. Then he lost the lead when he found similar marks leading homeless people to free food. And the good people handing out food weren't going to let Horn-E go until he ate his fill. I'M NOT HOMELESS. By then Just Julie was in the lead, chicken and grits are still just chicken and grits, and the pack was whole again. And every time the pack left us behind, and we thought we were on our own for the whole trail, there they were again. Last time that happened it was Lifa that passed us just off Clark. Then we came to an arrow pointed at us instead of away from us. WTF. A missed direction on a Split and then a Check. Oh hell! But on we went and around the cemetery and another Check. From here we didn't find any marks and finally stumbled onto another mark going the wrong way. Yes again. Another Check. Beer Near. So we are back on trail again. And finally another Check by the park. We headed south and never saw another mark. Finally crossing Wilson and missing any marks there, we got to the front of the hares den. And no one there. They were on the back porch and finally a Farcebook hunt told us to go around the block and enter the alley. And there was a mark. Damn. Where did that come from. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was grilling some good burgers and all was good. Circle was held led by Lifa that he didn't lead. Lost Her Penis sat around half naked as usual. Some Crapppy Name was called out for bothering to come back to Chicago. Choke N Stroke left early leaving all of those hounds for Just Julie. SnatchSquatch never shut up. Back Door Bizzle took two turns leading circle, and Horn-E just sat there coughing up his burger. Awe, hell. WTF. On Out.
Hash break
On On and Swing Low
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Thu, Jun 1, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Bit On The Clit In Texas laid trail from Sullys House for a pack of, four hounds. Yes, only four hounds on a beautiful night in a good location. And a nice trail, or so I heard, through areas of old trails that still had marks from trails over the last few weeks. We need a good rain for a fresh slate or expand the area of regular hashing. So, trail took off to the south with Sleepy Num Nums leading and then Stiffy 4 Stiffies and then Bottom Wrangler. And finally there was that old fart Horn-E walking and following from the git go. Two blocks later and they were out of sight to the south. Shit, here I go again. But trail went east through some housing and then south to Scott. And a park and open fields and a turn to the east. And there, about seven miles to the east is Larrabee. And was that Sleepy Num Nums heading north. I pulled out my trusty telescope and yep, sure looks like him. Hey, is that Stiffy 4 Stiffies following. Yep. And is that Now Bottom Wrangler. Yep. Wow, am I that far behind already. So I trek on to the east and a short cut across a field to a Check on Larrabee and Clybourn. Swept to the southeast. Nope. Ain't going that way. I'd still be out there two hours later. So I figured that trail would eventually head back west, probably north of north. Head north old man. About a block and a half later, I saw a Split heading south and west. I'm coming from the south so that is out. Heading west and a few blocks and a mall later and I'm On In. Shit happens. Some time later Stiffy 4 Stiffies comes in, followed by Bottom Wrangler and eventually wrong turn Sleepy Num Nums come on in. A laid back circle was held and all was good and tall tales were being told. On Out.

Fri, Jun 2, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E set trail from his back yard for a pack of 9 hounds. They were in three packs. SnatchSquatch, the eventual FRB because Berts Special Friend started walking and Lifa. And Lifa caught the long False in the park, swearing all along that it can't go that way. We're to far out. FALSE. The second back consisted of Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle and Just Do Me Slowly. And they also did the whole course. And then there was the back of the pack, Menage A Twat who I gave a short cut to and Cuntlery anther walker. And they were only about 5 minutes behind. What else can I say. a pavement pounder, left right, north south, etc with Checks and Splits to curse the hare over. The beer was there and cold and the pack settled in to some sitting and standing and a loud and rousing circle. After circle and after the beer ran out, seven of us headed over to Barrelman for an On On On, Lifa headed to the Metra and Menage A Twat headed to the CTA. On Out

Mon, Jun 5, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared for his birthday Hash from Four Treys for 9 hounds. Arriving at the last minute, the circle ended and the pack was off. Lifa gave me a walkers hint. Straight south for seven blocks to a Check. Meanwhile the pack headed SE and eventually to the first beer stop along some tracks just north of Diversey. So, they are drinking beer and I'm walking south on Clybourn and Damen and through a strip mall by Costco and finding nothing but False trails. I finally head west and pick up on trail and was soon at this shitty floating dock where Lifa had a shitty second beer stop. Goose Shit everywhere and in mounds. And finally. led by Stiffy 4 Stiffies, the pack arrived. So, back to the bar. Not. More trail and Checks and eventually trail went through Hamlin Park where we have had many a beer stop. Not. Around the field House and north eventually to Belmont and another little park where we have had many a beer stop. Nothing. Back south to Hamlin Park were Lifa was waiting about fifty yards from where we just ran and Lifa was laughing at how it worked. And so, a third beer stop and a circle in the park. And finally Horn-E and SnatchSquatch came walking on in. After circle I finally decided to move on and as I exited the park, there was a bus coming. Perfect timing. On Out.

Tue. Jun 6, 2023, The 4x2h4 Hash False Advertising laid trail from Output Lounge for 12 hounds. I literally turned the corner as the pack was off. Damn. The hares were also off and running. To the beer stop. So I just followed. Within a block, all I could see were Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly running off in the distance. I kept them in sight until after they went under some tracks. But I dodge the homeless guy and follow as fast as I can walk. Heading west to a Check at Damen. And more west. and south and past some brewery and trail heads north and there is Just Do Me Slowly. And eventually Lower Wackoff. North under another trestle and this time a convention of homeless people high on whatever. But HIGH. Escaped again and a few blocks later, just past Western is a beer stop. And a home brewing club, at the invention of R Kelly. He was there of course with his wife, Brotha Lova. And the pack, almost. Joaquin Penis and Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran right past it. Hey guys, hashing isn't a race. And the beer inside was free. Six taps and several of the home brewers brewing away. And there I met Paddle Yer Anus who I haven't seen at a local hash in years. Many. Welcome back. So, after a few samples of home brew and some pics, we were on back. The trail headed to a local park and the FRBs were long gone. There was a Split and Lifa, Crotch Fire, Just Do Me Slowly were heading northwest. Lower Wackoff headed North and was on. I short cut to him and despite his whistle blowing the rest didn't follow us. Well, for a few blocks, Eventually they passed me, walking as usual. A power walker I'm not. I was soon left behind and finally arrived at the Soul Taco crows nest where the pack was gathered on the roof deck. Nice roof deck by the way. And Lifa soon had us in circle going through the usual accusations and rituals and laughs. Soul Taco was a great hostess handing me a couple of no alcohol beers, Thank you. They were good. After circle the pack hung around for about a half hour and then it was On Out. And I just caught a bus.

On On and Swing Low
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
HASH BREAK
Thu, May 25, 2023, The Thristday Hash. For a week of two we had someone listed as a hare and no location and suddenly we had a location of Sedgwick Stop and a New Hare, Sleepy Num Nums. And there were marks all over the area from a trail six days before. Ooops. Where is rain when you need it? So we head out with eight hounds and three are walkers. A quick Split has Horn-e ehading east to where he saw marks earlier on the way to the bar. And he is On. Everyone else heads north and they are On. The pack then goes on a big loop to the west and south and east and finally to that mark Horn-E started out on. DAmn Short Cutting Bastard. Really, I thought they would be on a short loop, not half the freaking trail. So I'm on trail to Lincoln Park and then a loop back to Sedgwick after a nasty 6 corner Check. I managed to pick every damn Check and Split wrong, thinking there was a lot of trail ahead. But I'm On In. And less then five minutes later the real FRB comes ON IN. Damn. Don't you hate when that happens. It took alother 10 minutes before the other two walkers walked On In. That would be Homo Dynamics and Famming Flaggott. We did have a visitor, Undercover Jerker. On Out
Hash Break
Sat, May 27, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Steps In Shit signed up and didn't have a location, 4433 S. St Lawrence, until about 2 hours after I posted last week. Hey, you signed up at least a month earlier. It helps get more attendance to get locations out there. Anyhow we still managed to get eleven hounds. Another trail with three of us walking, Famming Flaggott, SnatchSquatch and Horn-E. The rest of the pack soon left us behind. By the time we got to King Drive they were disappearing at 47th St. When we got there we met a nice lady who delayed us with an area history lesson and a warning for Famming Flaggott that he better watch that camera or someone would steal it. Hmmm. Nice neighborhood. So we walk on west a few blocks and then back to King Drive and Hyde Park blvd. And here we entered Washington Park. Easy walking except for one missed mark after a Check, but five minutes later we are back on. And soon we get to the Beer Check at Drexel and Hyde Park. And no beer or pack. SnatchSquatch contacted the hare and he told SnatchSquatch that someone told him we went back to the start. That is over a mile from the finish. Anyway, he said the finish was at 43rd and the Lake Front. So we ended up heading straight north to 43rd and then east and over this winding 3/4 of a mile bridge. As we did that. Bit On The Clit In Texas was going the other way. Already heading home and a solo walk over a mile to her car. WTF. We get there and everyone is relaxing and drinking beer from a cooler and no shag wagon and my bag with something to drink. Damn. So, we finally held circle and after circle we head over that long bridge again. And there was a bus that would take me to the El. I'm out of there. Joined by Joaquin Penis. Along the way we saw half the pack walking back to the start and cars and the hares back yard. And some were given a ride to the El and we headed north together. We did have one Visitor who will be around this summer. Peeparazzi from Pittsburgh. Welcome. On Out. 
Hash Break
 Sat, May 27, 2023, The Chicago Hash.Sun, May 28, 2023, The Chicago Hash, Horn-E, False Advertising and Zone 2 hared from Bunker Hill Forest Preserve. Well, at least that location was out there for a month. But that was set up by the MisManagement (Well, at least they did that much) and because of location and I know the woods better then anyone, I volunteered. And found two co hares to mainly help with a car and getting beer to beer stops. Then when I got home from Saturdays trail and relaxed, I finally contacted False Advertising and find out that the GM told him we had to provide the beer. WTF. Over 35 years hashing with H3 and every time we had some celebration hash, like this, MisManagement arranged for the beer. That also freed the hares to plan a better trail. Well, "Trail of the Year" as some called it. I digress. So I head out the next day with two coolers I wasn't counting on and a back pack full of flour, etc. Fortunately my co hares drove by a half mile into the long walk to the start. So, we are now set to lay trail. I had a map. When do I need a map. It is in my head. But that was for the co hares so they knew what was happening. Zone 2 laid a walking trail with a Check and Split or two that would be about a mile to Waukesha. The street, not the hash. F A laid the longer running trail portion on city streets. Then it was into the woods. Z2 and FA headed in to lay the walkers trail while I walked to a good starting point for the runners to enter the deep woods and to a meeting point for a beer stop. Then Z2 headed back to the start, laying more walking trail along the bike path. And a good thing she did. A biker Gang showed up and wanted to take over the shelter and Z2 told them to bugger off and saved the day. That is why you have someone with the permit arrive early to guard the shelter. Great job Z2. Great job MM. Meanwhile FA and I headed into the deep woods. And the woods is always changing and you take what the woods gives you. Along the way we were confronted by some lady. "What are you doing in my woods" A quick explanation and she says, "Oh yeah, Andy told me about you." I guess we are okay. Then we are off finally to the gully area and over to the bike path and trail through a culvert. Like they would do that. Then trail headed north along the river's edge and a river crossing. FA set that crossing river part and the raging waters. Deep too. About ankle deep at least. I laid the turkey part and the walk along the river to a second beer stop at the bridge. From here it was either back to the shelter or the final Eagle Part that FA laid. So, how did trail go. Eleven walking hounds got about a five minute head start. Including 3 kids and a some black pussy. Five running hounds then took off and ran some nasty streets with long blocks. Nice homes and such. and a nasty Check or two, including one that was by a tunnel and an obvious choice until you get to the YBF. Gay Dancer came in first for the runners, just as the walkers came in led by R Kelly and three kids, Just Julian, Just Teresa and Just Alex. His wife Brotha Lova backed off with the trail got to the poison Ivy(?). Also with the walkers were Sass and the Shiggy, Glammy O'Shenanigans, Glory Hole, Joaquin Penis and Just Erica. And finally the last of the runners showed up Lost Her Penis, SnatchSquatch, Crotch Fire and Sleepy Num Nums. Oh, and Cuntlery who has pushing a three wheeler with her black pussy. This was a drink and go stop and so GD was long gone and R. Kelly and the three kids who got tired of the walking course and wanted the deep woods. And they saw animals, 3 crocs in the river, fourteen snakes including the boa, a mama beer and her three cubs playing in the stream, and an occasional deer and possum. At the water crossing most runners just wading on in. But Sleepy Num Nums wanted to prove what a great tight rope walker he was and walked across on a log fourteen feet in the air. Good thing he didn't see those beers. Meanwhile the rest walked the Turkey trail along the river where Cuntlery washed off her pussy, or let her cat go for a swim. I get lost in the translation. After the second beer stop, all of those macho city runners, you know who you are, backed off on the rest of the Eagle trail and walked back to the shelter. Meanwhile The kids were all for more woods and they led R Kelly through the last portion of trail. When they got in, we started circle with SnatchSquatch leading it, Some good songs and stuff. And it was one of the girls that get scratched on trail. Don't worry, that is a badge of honor. Well done. After that the food came out with mac and noodles and guacamoldie, fried chicken, snacks and cookies and everyone managed to get fed. Then the slow exodus started and when a ride was offered, I had to take it or walk over a mile pulling my coolers and stuff. I took it and caught a bus right away. On Out.  
Hash Break
Mon, May 29, 2023, The Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and La Shartistie were finally recognized as hares. Another hash screw up. We knew for over a month that Rusty Grundel and the Cock Whisperer were offering their roof deck for the On In. But they were not going to also hare. As I got this, SnatchSquatch finally volunteered to hare on Friday, Then at the Saturday Hash La Shartistie said he was the hare. So they co hared. SnatchSquatch laid a live trail for the runners and La Shartisite laid the walkers trail. Location, the Rusty Cock Grundel Whisperer condo. I headed out in front with R Kelly on the walkers trail and we had a quick Split. I found trail and the pack followed. I walked on expecting more Splits and such and ended up finding all of the Split and Check. Notice. Singular. One each. And so, I'm walking on expecting to go off on some falses and the pack catches me. Not. Willow to Halsted to North and almost strait to Goose Island and FRB. Then the rest of the walkers, Steps In Shit, R Kelly, Cuntlery, and Hot Mess Bench Press. About five minutes later Garmin and Stacy's niece came in and finally the rest of the runners, Lost Her Penis, Soul Taco and Peepkazzi our visitor from Pittsburgh. Long beer stop and then back to the roof deck for a pretty damn good circle with some good songs including a few long ones. Then grub. Burgers and brats. and finally I was offered a ride home and I was gone. On Out.
Swing Low
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, May 18, 2023, 7:00pm, The Thristday Hash. Bi Holer and Ice Princess hared from Dugan's for a small pack of 4 hounds. As we headed out, Sleepy Num Nums took a quick lead and headed into an alley and back area parking lot. Off of a Split. Well, there was another arrow in there when I got there. And no one came back, but they were gone. WTF. I finally found my way out and checked that area and found nothing. Well, at that last Split, the trail want south and they all just ranged there. By the time I got back on trail, they were long gone. But surprise, I almost caught up to Bottom Wraingler crossing the expressway and heading for the UIC Campus area. And then he was long gone. I followed trail through the campus and out to the west. In an alley I found a mark heading south. Figuring I was way back, I tried to range and headed west. A block and a half later I found a mark coming from the south. Whoopie, I'm back on. Actually ahead. As I headed north, a Check, and I headed on north and suddenly SNN is passing me. Well, that was False. He returns and I head west and there is BW heading west and yelling ON. Two blocks later, is Racine and the front two are joined by Lost Her Penis who is catching up. I'm falling back again. So I head straight north, block after block after block. Checking all four corners. Nothing. So I go a block east and then head south at the next corner and there is a mark. A quick pick split after and I'm On In to the beer stop. And the pack arrived less then five minutes later. Bitching about the difficulty of checking. Well, the hare admitted to laying trail with a pack of 10 in mind, Not just 3 checking. If I didn't short cut, they'd have had to wait quite a while for me. Soon after they arrived, we headed to the hares Condo building and up to the roof deck for circle and hanging out on a beautiful night. On Out
Hash Break
Fri, May 19. 2023, 7:00pm, The Big Dog Hash. Shit T Situation hared from Sedgwick Stop for 10 hounds. Well, he did say this was his first trail completely on his own. It showed. Alright, just kidding. One mistake on trail, an arrow to far around a corner in the Zoo area, and marks there were really tiny. But otherwise, a simple loop trail. We headed over to the park and I was just walking. I quickly lost the pack except for Back Door Bizzle. I caught up to him at a red light, just before the park. And we walked it together. $20 Dollar Butt Stuff is slowing down. I did notice that Menage A Twat was walking behind me at the start, but slow. I looked back several times and she disappeared. I figured that she just went home as she lives near there. Note: She just recently had hip replacement. Well, just as circle is finishing up, she comes walking on in. 20 minutes behind those two other slow walking farts, Horn-E and BDB. Just want to call her out for a hell of a job finishing that trail. Well done. Keep it up. Look how many other hashers aren't coming out anymore. And so. the pack just hung around in the outside patio drinking beer and I had to head out and lay trail the next morning. On Out
Hash Break
Sat, May 20, 2023, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid a trail from Lechowicz Woods and only had 2 hounds. Then a third. Then five. Then seven. WTF. And off they went, except the last two a virgin Just Sai and Just Michelle, a visitor, who wasn't really dressed for trail in the woods, So I walked them to the beer stop and then we walked part of the trail backwards and then I sent them off on the back part of trail and swept along with them. And a short way into trail, J. Sai wanted to take off his shoes. Haven't seen that since Bali many years ago. Hey, if you are comfortable walking barefoot in the woods, go for it. And he did pretty well. Meanwhile, the other five were off and running. Across Central and into some prairie on TP and flour mix. This finally turned to the river and a path north and east. Now the fun began. I told then there were two Splits on trail and both led to the finish and you had to decide which way you wanted to go on and which diversity you wanted to go through. River crossing or stay dry. The water level was so low that I couldn't resist. And False Advertising and Back Door Bizzle opted for the river which cut out a tough 25% of the trail. And trail regrouped across the river. So FA and BDB were off in some beautiful woods hashing. Not yet overgrown and still lush green from spring. Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Lower Wackoff opted for the dry course and were climbing over logs and under and over bridges and tall weeds and finally came to the regroup. There was a Check near hear and MIH and BSF found the trail. LW arrived there and somehow wandered across the woods and picked up on some On Back trail and was soon following BDB and FA. This led across the road to the golf course and then across Central and onto the trail the visitor and virgin were on. And they caught them just after the Check at the tracks. Trail from here was along the river path to Central and across the foot bridge and then the river to the bend in the river by the tracks, a favorite Bushman site in that area, And FA found the beer. Eventually, MIH and BSF came in DFL. Not knowing where anyone was and if they were FRB or DFL. DFL it was. And we held circle in the relaxed manner of the Bushman Hash, in a nice scenic sight in the woods. J Sai and J. Michelle, come on back and also try some of the other local hashes ON Out
Hash Break
Sun, May 21, 2023, The Chicago Hash, La Shartisie and Reverse Muff Diver hared from Double Bubble for 14 hounds. That is nine Chicago Area regulars. two virgins, Just Lucas and Just Shruti, a transplant Rubbed Out, and two visitors Just Mike and Gravy Train. Hope you all enjoyed the hash and return often. And try some of the other hashes in town if you can find out where they are. Trail headed straight east and worked itself to the Foster Ave Beach. That is were I lost trail. Apparently it went south from a Check but a Check had an arrow pointing west towards Hollywood and Sheridan. This is about were Zone 2 lost track of me and headed back. Meanwhile I saw someone at Bryn Mawr that looked like Back Door Bizzle. Yellow shirt and a dog. It wasn't. Damn. Now I am way off course so I ranged west and a few blocks later I picked up on trail and was working a three way when Just Mike and Gravy Train caught up to me. Then Pony Pounder arrived and found trail. Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed off on a wrong Split and somehow came in FRB about a half mile later. La Shartisie our hare, was also sweeping. Something that should happen more often if there are two hares. Makes sure trail is swept correctly and even good short cuts can then be added for those hopelessly behind. Well done. And everyone else passed me there, finally J. Shruti one of out virgins. Trail ended up in the small back yard behind Reverse Muff Divers Place and the pack was complete when Back Door Bizzle finally arrived. And then a few House Puppies arrived. Back at the bar, we held circle inside because of our foul songs, instead of the back yard. The Virgins and Justs were called in often. And after several hounds hung on and on. And Rubbed Out and I got into a great conversation reminiscing about pussy talents and ping pong balls. On Out.
Hash Break



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, May 11, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Garmin hared from Nisei with a six pack of hounds. I fell behind early and then caught the two hounds J Evelyn and Bottom Wrangler at Clark and Addison. SnatchSquatch, Ice Princess and Joaquin Penis were already out of sight. But we got caught by lights. Then it was north through an alley and up to Grace, east to Ravenswood and then north and south and working our way to Lincoln Park at Irving Park. From here it was south around the tennis courts and ball fields and to the tunnel by Addison. Here I lost trail and headed On In, DFL. Circle was just starting. I had walked almost the whole course. Am I getting old or just lame? don't answer that one. During circle a visitor from Atlanta ON The Rag, joined us and after Circle we had a good talk about the old days in Atlanta hashing. On Out.
Hash Break
Sat, May 13. 2023, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle and Just Mickey laid a trail from the park at Clark and Sheridan in Evanston. Only three old retired hounds showed up. But us three old farts represent about 20% of the hashes set and run in Chicago. I know. Get a life. It is our life. But that isn't the point. Just want to encourage more participation in hashing in Chicago. Twenty or more at a hash is good numbers. Less is either falling away or working to get to those good numbers. We need you younger people to make this work. Not us old farts. Circles and the run itself are more fun with more people. Get your friends to come on out. The best recruiting we can do. Meanwhile, the trail. The hares had us set off towards the Northwestern campus and the newlt constructed areas on landfill in the lake. Beautiful day for that run along the lake. Lower Wackoff found the first Check, and the second Check. Then Lifa took over as we left the lakefront area and ran through the Frat areas and then on west into the city. I was falling behind when I saw Lifa crossing trail ahead and I had a good short cut. This got me back with Lower Wackoff and after missing a mark the two of us got back on trail and to a hidden tunnel under the EL tracks where the hares were waiting with beer. But this was only halfway. It was just to good to not use. So we ran on and I immediately fell behind and short cut to some marks I saw on the way to the start. And I was back On and FRB. No, make that SCB. Lifa eventually came on in as the true FRB. And Lower Wackoff was DFL, where I should have been. They both got stuck at a Check at Fountain Square. There were no false trails, and they each checked every way but the right way before coming on in. Nice little short circle on the lake front and it was On Home. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun, May 14, 2023, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from the Pony Inn for 13 hounds. The trail went west and south and I was walking and barely keeping the pack in sight. Got slowed down a bit as the pack past a bar and a customer wanted to know what the f*ck is happening. Maybe I got a recruit. So now I follow the pack heading west towards Damen. All I can see is Zone 2 a block or more ahead and Gandolf the Gay, a visitor from Minneapolis. At Damen the trail went south. They went north. I followed and two blocks later we found marks coming from the west. Three blocks later, now on Belmont, I could see the pack catching us. A block or two later and they were past us and we had a BN. And we were soon in this tiny park for Beer Stop and circle. Don't know how far west of Damen they went, but it couldn't have been far. So an overall short trail. Back Door Bizzle was our RA and a short circle was held. Then I headed home, just as the rain came down. On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Ever since the fiasco of Bud Light's advertising team picking the absolutely last person on the planet that one would expect to be in a Bud Light ad, it seems as if that is the only beer being bought for circles in Chicago. Did Bud Light offer it to us for free? Or a cheap discount? Are we about the only organization in Chicago buying that beer? Just askin'. Bud Light, Bud Light, F*ck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Just a casual observation from someone who can't drink beer anymore. Moving on.
Hash Break
Tue. May 2, 2023, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from the Goose Island, water Taxi stop. Now this is a great spot for a start of a trail and circle. We started out to the south and a Quick Check. Then that old man Horn-E got off trail and went ranging. And he ranged everywhere,,,,, but the right direction, finally circling Goose Island and eventually picking up on trail from the start. WTF. Meanwhile the rest of the pack followed Two Fuck Canuck a visitor from St. Louis. That got short cutted back to the start. Then for some reason, they sent out search parties looking for Horn-E. No, he didn't fall into the river, get mugged, get attacked by Mother Goose protecting her flock of goslings, or found on his hands and knees leaning over a sewer gagging away. Having found no one at the start, Horn-E finally got on true trail and headed out. After a bit, noticing the time, he circled back and was the only one to find the On In trail. A really great finish, not to be missed. But everyone did. So, come next time. The finish was worth it. Now, being a 4x2 hash, it was a quick circle and on out. And the Hare gave Horn-E a ride home. Didn't want to loose him twice in one night.
Hash Break
Wed. May 3, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, SnatchSquatch hared live from McGees. We had a small pack and it soon went into the front pack and the back pack. That is where I was, following Cumming Right Meow who was following Lower Wackoff. The hare had told Berts Special Friend that the trail from the start was to the east. It was to the north, under the tracks and then west and north. We circled around De Paul and then north to a Check at Lincoln and Sheffield. There I had a brief look of Berts Special Friend heading south on Lincoln and that was it. Back to our last three again. We wiggled around a bit to a Check at Lincoln and Fullerton and what would probably be ON IN to McGees. Not. Bastard hare was really f*cking with us. McGees, Oz Park, McGees, Oz Park and finally right past McGees, a half block away and on south and straight east to,,,,,,Oz Park on the hill. And the winner was, Meat Inside Her. This is where we had a beer stop on the very first Chicago Full Moon Hash. I was a co Hare with Downwind and I provided some Moon Shine shots from a mason jar for the assembled pack. This time we had Bud Light. How the mighty have fallen. Then it was back to McGees and more noise then I could handle.
Hash Break
get mugged, Thu, May 4, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow laid trail from Sedgwick Stop. No shag wagon, so no beer stop. Like the non runners couldn't sit there, drinking beer, and watch our bags. So the hare did. And we were off basically to the east and into Lincoln Park. And the pack was gone. I found and lost trail a few times and ended up at the south east corner of the zoo and saw an arrow pointing north. At this point, I know I am way behind and will never catch up. So I head west around the Zoo and looking for marks heading south. Finally find an arrow at Lincoln and armitage and followed trail in in from there. Since that first mark I saw was swept, I figured that the whole pack was in. Not. Brother Incisor also short cut the trail and marked that. It was another 5 to 10 minutes before La Shartsie, Putt Putt In The Butt, Choke N Stroke and Bottom Wrangler came on it. Then it was the back room for a circle with the house puppies and On Out.
Hash Break
Sun, May 7, 2023, The Chicago Hash, Sleepy Num Nums hared from the Tin Man statue in Oz Park on a beautiful sunny day. Ant it netted a virgin and a visitor. The Virgin Just Cassy and the visitor Shut Up from Stuttgart. We took off to the east and up to a Split or Check at Dickens and Clark. I was last there and first to find a mark. SnatchSquatch was returning from the east on the north side of Dickens. I crossed over and there was a mark. Pointed it out, SnatchSquatch yelled On ON, and we all know he is loud. No one heard and I followed him to the next corner and then north to Lincoln Park at Fullerton. That is about when I realized no one was following. WTF. By now, SnatchSquatch was in the park and yelled checking. I ranged east and found nothing, but I could see him running north and obviously ON. And another Check at the Gezebo. By the time I got there, he was long gone. and I set out checking. North and west, wrong. North and north and east and ON. A big loop and south on the east side of the lagoon and over the TH3 trail from last week. Finally a Check at Fullerton. And here, everything went to hell. SnatchSquatch had marked the trail south along the east side of the zoo. One mark, two marks and a turn across the street. and then a Back Check three. Hey, that is back to the Check. That is where a False would have been the appropriate mark. As I return I ran into three hashers finally catching up. I warn then about the screw up and they decide to Check east. Well, I can't keep up with them so I headed west and around the zoo. Trail had to come that way eventually. Well, it might have but I missed it. Actually SnatchSquatch was the only one to find the trail and came into the finish in Oz Park, FRB. Since he was the only one to find the whole trail, that also made him DFL. And meanwhile I am still ranging south looking for some marks from the east. I went almost to La Salle Drive before hanging it up and heading for Oz Park. About three blocks away, I spotted Back Door Bizzle walking a block away. That is where he finally found some On In marks. I followed and it led to the pack in the park and I was DFL to the Beer Stop. From second, half the trail, to DFL. WTF. Apparently about the whole pack got to that Check at Fullerton and never found trail from there. They also gave up. One out of 15 managed to find the trail. Well done SnatchSquatch. During circle we named Sleepy Num Nums dog. I believe it was Splash and Spayed. Something like that. On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed Apr 26, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her were supposed to hare from Bourbon On Division but it wasn't open. So we found them across the street getting soused in another bar. Maybe that accounts for the real shitty trail But we did have a turnout of a six pack of hounds. And off we went to the west and south to a nasty Check. They said 369 Hash Degrees and they got us. As I arrived, Lower Wackoff was yelling on to the north. It wasn't. So back to the Check and retry. After returning from a Split into an alley I saw Cumming Right Meow and Catstro Dick Assist heading west to Western. Then sort of looked ON. But back at the Check. LW was now heading east and he eventually yelled On. I guessed right and followed LW. He was on and solving Splits and blowing his whistle until some old man confronted him and asked, "Are you getting raped." He replied, "No. but I'm available." Eventually we caught him on a mid block Split, returning from the False. J. Sam and Garmin were also just finally catching up. See what happens when you let LW get in front. Shortly after I fell behind everyone, but a lucky shortcut and I caught up to some FRBs and we found a real shitty fountain. It wasn't even on. It was a fountain honoring a pile of shit. Yeah! Really! That's Wicker Park for you. We ran on and across Division we finally all regrouped at a WN Check. Trail went down some allies and under the EL. I eventually went looking for marks in the wrong alley and came out at Wicker Park, paralleled, I think, the pack, I finally entered the park and the pack grouped at the Whiskey Stop for a laid back circle. On Out
Hash Break
Thu Apr 27, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #985, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Just Sam hared for her naming Hash, from West On North. Then we headed out East on North and then North of North and East to Western. Check. We had a pack of 10 now split up all over. Trail went east and I quickly fell behind SnatchSquatch and the Cumming Right Meow. Here I go again, on my own. The last time I saw her was two blocks down an alley. But the marks were there and I caught SnatchSquatch and ...He's Still Limping on Milwaukee. But again he disappeared and eventually she also passed me. Streets and alleys and the 606 and eventually I came to a BN Check. It did twist all around and J. Sam did manage to plan it all by herself. I saw her map. Not bad for a Virgin Hare. But still a shitty trail. We were scattered all around. At least in the back where I was. And somehow I found myself cumming into the finish ahead of HSL. How and where I passed her is a mystery because I was dead on except for one small part of the trail. But HSL finally came on in, and we returned to the bar and their back patio for circle and a naming. Bottom Wrangler led circle, very short, and then into the naming. It was loud and chaotic and I had a hard time hearing all of the questions, but the pack finally settled on a name and forever more, Just Sam will be known as Bit On The Clit In Texas. On Out. 
Hash Break
Sun. Apr 30, 2023, The Chicago Hash. False Advertising, Just Julie and Just Katie hared from Fulton River Park. This will be a movie Hash going past many locations where movies scenes were filmed. And they were all about 3 miles straight this way and then two miles straight that way and then add in the rain and washed out of marks. This was not going to be easy. Hey, False Advertising, did you ever hear of flour? Just askin'. Then a block after the start, we had a Check that really Split us up. And Bit On The Clit In Texas almost ran over to the On In location. But trail was eventually found to the east and we followed Lost Her Penis and BOTCIT to another Check at Wells. Well, through a garage and east on Hubbard and Lost Her Penis disappeared. I ended up leading to a Check on Wabash, upper level that looked like a B. I ran east and found a Check at Michigan. And I headed underground and found marks by the Billy Goat. I came back and relayed that I was On to Bottom Wrangler and was off. Over the river and down to the River Walk. I finally came to a Check just as Lost Her Poon??? from DC caught up. Trail went straight west and we went up. Ooops. But whatever, it has to come up somewhere and I kept going west. Eventually at La Salle, upper level we became a pack of five with LHP, BOTCIT, LHP and Putt Putt In The Butt, and I. And I again managed to find a mark heading south on La Salle and at Wells, we found Bottom Wrangler at a Check. Now how did he get ahead of us? Anyway, I ran on South and solved that Check and the other five left me behind. More movie scenes and we get to Jackson. Trail is found to the west by LHP and we head to Union Station for that movie scene and never saw another mark. At that point the pack had it. Facebook for the beer stop and it was straight north from Jackson to Kinzie. Then the Beer Stop was found behind the Chocolate factory, dry and under tracks. I arrived there with PPITB. Circle was already half over. Our visitor already left. Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff, Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow had long since gave up on trail and were there. Then they got into naming Just Katie. After much wrangling and some good names, we finally settled into Morocan Roofie. And so it will be forever more. After a good hour and a half or more in a steady light rain, it was On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu Apr 20, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #984, Brother Incisor and Choke N Stroke hared a 420 Hash out of Sully's House. Where they ODing on 420 while laying trail? You decide. This is the best I can figure out what happened by the tall tales and fabrications. We had 10 Trail Hounds taking off to the north and west. At our first Check at Kingsbury and Weed there was utter confusion. When I got there, hounds were already returning from the north, and the trail actually had a second Mark at North and Kingsbury. But the FRB hounds never saw it. So we ranged all over to the south and along the river. Nothing. I was out ranging when the trail was finally found and the pack headed west on North, over the river and finally to a Back Check 5. That brought the back to the pedestrian Bridge over to Goose Island or north on abandoned tracks. That is where I headed until I heard an On call going over the foot bridge. That was a False call. So I took off west and over the bridge on North. This time on the north side of the street. A mark should have been just over the bridge at the worst. Nothing. As I was returning Joaquin Penis and North Banger Alley came at me and kept going. So I followed. Steps In Shit called to me from across the street, that he heard an ON call. So we finally came together at the Home Depot Driveway. No marks. WTF. Apparently they did find trail further west, way beyond any distance we would look for a mark. Meanwhile, without a trail, we headed back and the whole pack was gone. Where in hell they went, I don't know. Apparently the trail went south on Throop or Elston to Division. then sort of east to Larrabee and north to the On In. Meanwhile Steps in Shit got the On In location from farcebook and we headed there. Or thought we did. Then we reconfigured and headed to the correct location, about two minutes before the pack, led by Stiffy 4 Stiffies arrived. And they came from two separate directions. Circle was held there and North Bangher Alley was RA and roasted the hares well. Then we returned to the bar for an On In. On Out. Note. to hares. The way the Back Check works with numbers, go back that many trail marks and then look around. There should be a trail mark with a hundred feet or so, on one side or the other. Not two or three blocks away.
Hash Break
Fri Apr 21, 2023, The First Crack of the Moon H4. Ice Princess hared from Kasey's Tavern for 6 hounds. A quick Check at Harrison. I headed east on Harrison right behind Meat Inside Her. A little back and forth and a Split at an alley. I headed south in the alley. A long alley. Finally found the mark and called out. This led to another Check at Michigan. Got to be the park. I ranged into the park and finally found a turn mark heading south. On One. Another long stretch and finally another mark heading over tracks to the east. Only a second mark, but I called ON ON anyway. To far to not be ON. And it was. At Columbus there was another Check. Thinking Buckingham Fountain, I looked for marks to the north. Nothing. So I headed east to another entrance. Still nothing. On return, the pack was gone and I saw the tail end of Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff heading south along Columbus. I never saw anyone again. I made one miss direction on a turn, but soon found the real trail and a few streets and On In at the Hares House. About 2 miles. We were going to meet on the roof. I pressed the button and got buzzed into the first door. But it wasn't held long enough and I missed the second door. But someone was leaving right away and I got in. Then find out that you need a key card to get into the elevator. WTF. Hold the buzzer for me to get all the way in. Eventually they had to come down to get me. But up on the roof we had a nice view, it was rehabbed since we were last there. Circle was held 10 stories up and there was a little variety of beer and a case of Tranny Light. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Apr 22, 2023, A Memorial Hash for B O B. B O B was a past Grand Master of the Chicago Hash. His old buddy, Specklebird laid a trail from his house, with the assistance of Flounder from Waukesha. What could go wrong here. B O B's wife, Organ Grinder was in town and some hashers from out of town and out of the past. Nine hounds ran the trail. And I soon fell way back. Trail did a loop from one alley to another and then up to abandoned tracks where we headed straight south to Tennessee or Missouri or whatever. A long way. When I get to where they left the tracks, they were long gone. I ranged a bit and picked up on trail on Belmont. Then lost it again. So I ranged east and north and finally got to the On In. Only the Inn was closed and no one was there. So I followed trail backwards and found them in a community garden walking all over everyones fresh planted crops and flowers. WTF. Then we headed back to the On In. And Specklebird led his own circle with many a down down until we did a little "Favorite Memories Of B O B. "I guess my favorite was naming him. On a raft in the middle of a heart shaped lake in a clothing optional resort. I said B O B and immediately it was mentioned Bend Over Boy. That joke still resonates onto death, but the official name is B O B. After circle it was inside for grub, two pots of chili and snacks. Other out of towners included Hotlips, Takes It All, Just Diana (Organ Grinders best friend), and Wedgie from Harrisburg.
Hash Break
Sun. Apr 23, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared out of Duffy's Tavern with a pack of 9 hounds. It was a Lifa trail. What can I say. An immediate Back Check into the park and I, yes me, found trail to the south and a quick Check. Just Sam went east and was On. Bottom Wrangler went south and was On. And they both called out On together. Perfect. You live for those moments. I couldn't see Just Sam, but the pack was heading south, I reluctantly started that way until they hit a False. Damn. So I'm on following Just Sam to the east and she was On and the now spread out pack slowly followed and passed me. Trail went south past the yacht Club and then a Check. That was then under Fullerton and west on Fullerton. It is now the back of the pack, sort of together. Hotlips, Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff and Myself. Wandering alleys and streets just west of Clark we headed north to Diversey. Lower Wackoff left us. Then Hotlips left us. Then she returned on a Back Check 4. Only it wasn't. It was just the 4th Check. Listen in circle girl. But we got on and headed north and over to the lakefront area, around the Driving range and back to a park area near the Goethe Statue and Beer Stop and circle. That was led by Back Door Bizzle and lasted until everyone got cold. Then it was back to the bar where a swarm of House puppies were all warm and cozy, waiting for us. and the pack partied On. On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Sun Apr 9. 2023. The Chicago Hash. Started at Sidecar. There was an aggressively loud drag queen Brunch across the street in celebration of our Lord's resurrection. But I'm confident I am prettier and have better moves than them.  Pony set the trail.  Sleepy lived up to his name by looking like he just woke up at chalk talk.  We wound around north generally by the lake to an actual beer stop at Pine Grove and Sheridan out of Pony's trunk.  Trail ended close by at Gill park.  Due to my geriatric dog Pony showed me how to get to the end without climbing a fence on trail.  I heard multiple people had problems with this obstacle and old man Garmin needed a lift.  Then the kennel made fun of me for being too thin due to my weight cut.  I ran circle until Pony used his GM power to substitute North Banger for me.  Our Portland visitors sang an extremely amusing song that I now forget.  Snatch made fun of Sleepy for being too sleepy.  Eventually the general chaos died down and circle ended.   Story by Back Door Bizzle
Hash Break
Thu. Apr 13, 2023, The Thristday Hash #983, SnatchSquatch hared from Four Treys. I missed that hash because I was off watching one of out own, Back Door Bizzle, win his first boxing match in the golden gloves.
Hash Break
Sat. Apr 15, 2023, The Bushman Hash, #215, Horn-E hared the anal Flower Hash from Forest Glen Forest preserve on a really beautiful day into the 80s, for a small pack of 4 hounds. And the flowers were well into bloom. So this was to be a tour of the flower zones as best as I could find them. And I did. And multiple encounters with the local wild life. The flowers are mostly along the river and only known by me, as being in that area. So trail went down stream along the river and through the fields of flowers, and then along a nice running path over looking flowers on the north side of the river. Then we went over a bridge at Cicero and headed upstream and into a small meadow full of flowers and trail had to resort to TP for a bit. Across Forest Glen Dr. and on up stream as I kept the trail as best as I could, heading into concentrations of flowers. Then the trail squeezed between the golf course and the river for some nice clusters of flowers. And they were warned to watch for the golfers, but that didn't stop Zone 2. Blinded by the yellow and gold, she ran right in front of a guy teeing off. And was he teed off. After here there was a section heading north along tracks. This was supposed to take the pack to the north end of another section of flowers to be run on during the return south. This was also supposed to regroup the pack. Not. There was a Check and a four way Split. Lower Wackoff went north and through Edgebrook Woods and then even south to Lechowitz woods with out a mark before returning to that four way split. But he knows the area and saw more flowers then we did. The trail went south along the tracks and into woods and more flowers. But no one went far enough south to find the first mark, or maybe they missed it. The damn deer do eat the flowers and flour. Back at a trestle over the river and the last check, the hippies were tokin' and smokin' and digging the flowers and ignoring the flower of the hash, Zone 2, as she struggled up the gravel to the trestle. One last Check and it was a long winding path to the beer stop through fields of flowers and a few Splits. Lower Wackoff was first in, somehow passing the rest of the pack at the end. And they included False Advertising and Back Door Bizzle. We settled into a section full of flowers and some logs to sit on and $20 Dollar Butt Stuff immediately fell asleep in a bed of flowers. We held a laid back circle and just relaxed and enjoyed the scenery. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun Apr 16, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Joaquin Penis hared from Billy Goats. Another hash I missed. I believe it was to end near where the Fri and Sat night riots on Michigan Ave took place. Might be some interesting stories there.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed. Mar. 29, 2023. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from Delilahs. And before we even got started, Horn-E got carded trying to come into the bar. Yes, that Horn-E. But management relented and let the old fart in. We finally held chalk talk and were off and running. Into alleys were Horn-E decided to short cut to a mark he saw on the way to the bar. Unfortunately, it wasn't an On mark, but a false off of a Check and the trail headed the other way. Back of the pack again. And heading east down more alleys, I finally lost the pack. Falling way behind I decided just after Halsted, to short cut south and try to pick up trail or they would be waiting for me 'til 9pm to get to circle. Yeah, like they'd wait. So, just after Wrightwood I picked up on trail and headed west. In more damn alleys. Finally at Lincoln I came to a BN Check. A short distance to Jonquil Park. Looking around I picked up on trail at the park and came in second. Brother Incisor got in a little bit ahead of me. She got to Clark before shortcutting and picking up on trail. Within a few minutes the rest of the pack ran on in led by Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend. And eventually Lost Her Penis and Gaylick Pornoculture came racing on in as dual DFLs. Others included False Advertising, Garmin and Joaquin Penis. After a quick circle, some left and some went back to Delilahs. On Out
Hash Break
Thu Mar 30, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #981, Garmin hared from Big Joe's. and the pack was not as big as Joe's. But we had two front runners and two slugs. One an outrageous short cutter. We took off to the southwest and spun circles around Winnemac Park with Splits everywhere. Trail finally exited the park with a Check at the Southwest corner. Trail from here headed towards a Check at Lawrence and Western. SnatchSquatch was blazing through the trail with J. Sam in hot pursuit. Then came Lower Wackoff in luke warm pursuit and Horn-E on a cold trail. So I guessed right and short cut straight west to Western. Lucky. As I got there, J. Sam was whizzing past Mac Donalds with two whoppers and an order of fries. No coke with that. I followed her and found trail. Meanwhile, Lower Wackoff arrives at the last Check. It is unmarked and so he manages to do every possible False trail before picking up on True Trail. At Western and Foster we have another Check. This time I started out doing the False Trails. But when I finally found True Trail. I came back and posted it for LW. Then at the next Split, I short cut again heading towards marks I saw on my way to the start. And at the tunnel, I found the hare, the FRB and the FBI. Add in me as the SCB and soon we had LW as the DFL. We were running out of initials and circles was on. After circle we adjourned in mass, as little as the mass was, to Big Joes were beer was poured and tall tales of long ago adventures flourished. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun Apr 2, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Back Door Bizzle hared from L & L Tavern, which turned out to be closed until 4pm. Ooops. But a nice day and we gathered out front, and were joined by a virgin, Just Mickey. M I C K E Y  M O U S E. Really, her words. But her ears were to small. Nope. But I digress. We took off and headed east towards the lake. Sort of. With a pack of 13. Ten in front and 3 trying to, not be last. That's my job. From Belmont Harbor we headed inland to a Check that really stumped Horn-E and Lower Wackoff. Someone set a table over an arrow. But LW finally got us on and headed towards Wrigley. And a crowd. That is where we caught up to J. Mickey. She had only found one mark off of a Check at Clark and Addison. With the three of us, we were soon on and up to Irving park and a three way. Naturally we headed east towards the House of Bizzle. Not. Horn-E found trail west and we ran into the hare, just leaving the Beer Stop. It was the Back Door to his wife's bakery. To many innuendos there. And the pack was gone. The last time I saw donuts at a hash was CH3 500 when The Harlot was doing an Allouette on Armadildo Dundee and jammed his tally wacker through a cream filled donut. I digress. Horn-E and J. Mickey took the hares offer of a ride to the finish. We're the lamest. Lower Wackoff was sent off in hot pursuit of the pack and wasn't seen again. And he doesn't quit. So, there was some sort of FU on trail. Nine other hounds texted on were to go for the Beer Stop. So, they really didn't run that final lag of the hash. That left LIFA, the true hero of the day, the DFL to the beer stop, but in reality the FRB as the only one who found it all, and with none of the marks, swept. Because they were all SCBs. Well done LIfa. Circle was held and we headed off. I took advantage of the offer of a ride and some went back to the now open bar to join Lower Wackoff. On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Mar. 21, 2023. The First Crack of the Moon Hash #305. Cuntlery laid a trail from Wright Junior College for four hounds. This was her second trail in Chicago and the last one was almost a rain out. Well, the marks were still tiny and to far apart for a crowd, did I say crowd, of four hounds. Maybe 20 or more might have sailed through that trail. But we four really struggled, learning a new hare's style and small and to distant marks. Our first Check had us puzzled until Horn-E found two tiny marks over a grassy area. Never saw a third, but we found another Check at the next Traffic Light. The first mark was right across the street, but we struggled for a long time, each hound retracing every other hounds steps and going further before Berts Special Friend finally got us in the right direction, east. And two blocks later, another Check. And we searched and searched. False trail seemed non existent so eventually we figured one mark and you are on. We went north to a park, around the park and east. Lower Wackoff found one Check here. But BSF and Meat Inside Her were the main hounds finding trail. We circled further east and then south to a Check at Montrose. Here LW and I lost trail and headed west. MIH and BSF were long gone to the west. The next mark we saw was at a parking garage on campus about 100 feet from the beer. We did hold a parking lot beer stop and circle before we all headed out. Windy/cold. And I caught the last bus east. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu Mar 23, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #980, SnatchSquatch hared a live trail out of The Hock Shop for four running hounds and one biking hound. We were in sight of each other for about 3 blocks and then Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Just Sam were long gone. It was another trail with no Falses and a lot of Checks. Lower Wackoff and Horn-E struggled along the trail and didn't have to much trouble, but. we're slower then most. Trail worked it's way south of Irving Park where I got sucked into heading up a long flight of stairs to the tracks. Damn hare. But then followed LW and got ahead and behind and ahead and so it went. Over to Pulaski and then through all of Independence Park and finally west to Milwaukee area and a Check. LW went wrong, up Milwaukee. Horn-E went right, east and north and we regrouped and on over to the SnatchHouse for a Beer stop. We then headed to the bar for circle. Slippery Fingers rode his bike on trail. Hey, if you can't run, biking and walking trail is welcome. You do what you can do. But Bikes should never lead the runners in solving Checks etc. Hashing is still a running thing. The bar was mostly empty so our circle was ignored and we partied on. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun Mar 26, 2023, The Chicago Hash. This trail was hared from Union Park by Lost Her Penis, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside her. It is the annual Shamrock, Beer in the Box, Hash thing were some hashers run the Shamrock Shuffle and many meet then at Buckingham fountain and drink free beer until hash time, Few runners then hash and some hashers show up to run a hash. So, we had a total pack of 11, 6 walkers and five hounds, The walkers took their participation medals and just walked a walkers trail to the Lost Penis house for some good corned beef while the real trail hounds ran a decent trail. Sort of. Stiffy 4 Stiffies Joaquin Penis and Steps In Shit ran on. Back Door Bizzle sort of kept them in sight and quit at Western to go get his car. And Horn-E, with his nagging cold, tried to follow, hacking all the way. Last time I saw the pack was crossing Ashland. Yeah, I finished and did it all. At the finish, inside, we held a fun circle led by Back Door Bizzle. Good Corned Beef sandwich, and then Back Door Bizzle offered me a ride home. And it was pouring rain. Damn glad I took him up on that. ON Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu Mar 16, 2023, The Thirstday Hash, #979, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Little Joes for a first of the year. The hares outnumbered the hound, Horn-E. But the old fart grabbed his umbrella and headed out anyway and braved the dark misty trail through the neighborhood and the local college campus. And it was straight into an alley before heading over to the campus. A Check in the campus and some Splits slowed the slowest to even slower, but he ran/jogged/walked on. Eventually the trail got over to Halsted and that lazy old dog decided to short cut a bit of trail due to the weariness of running with such a large pack. Over a grassy field he had to go, past some young Coed squatting by some bushes. Hmmm. Don't go near there, but run on. And back on trail. This led to a long stretch under a building overhang and finally a Triple Split. I never found another mark after that Split so I wandered wide looking for marks as I headed to the known beer stop where the hares were waiting. After a short circle we headed back to Big Joe's with a pack of House Puppies who came to drink, but not to hash. All right, at least the puppets were cute. On Out  
Hash Break
Sat. Mar 18, 2023, The Bushman Hash. #214, Horn-E hared from Hernandez Picnic Grove. It was cold, windy and partly cloudy. Would anyone show? So I head out and laid most of the trail I per-planned. Most of the first part of the trail was to be laid on the known spider trails south of the river. And there was new construction. The areas that tended to get wet and slippery were filled in with cross sections of fallen trees. Like stepping stones. And many were anchored by metal stakes through them so they wouldn't float off during high water times. And the stakes were sticking out of the logs, so a one inch covering of snow would make then a real tripping hazard. Only Cook County could take the nature out of nature and make it more dangerous at the same time. But a Check and Back Check through the area and eventually found about 30 people cutting out Buckthorn trees. An invasive species that tends to stifle natural growth and take over the area. Well, that part was good. Then trail went over to Cicero and across the river and back east. I warned the pack about the slippery mud and sure enough the trail went by the very edge of the river and an 8 foot drop and narrow slippery path to the edge. Hey, the forest happens. Then another Check that would later stifle the pack and split them up as trail went around and sort of through some areas of frozen water. Well sort of frozen. Pick your steps carefully and always step on vegetation. In between the ice wouldn't support a small dog. And $20 Butt Stuff is not a small dog. And she had to drag along on a short leash this big guy named Back Door Bizzle. But from here there was a short trail to a lower wet land area and wider pools of this ice and about the nicest scene on this cold windy day and an instant decision to have the beer stop here, out of the wind, and pray for patches of warm sun, where we could drink among the migrating robins all over the area. So who else showed. Seven hounds and one house puppy who walked with the hare to get the beer. Thanks for the company, Zone 2. Now hash next time. This was an easy hash. The first one into the finish was Chicken Stifer who showed up about a minute after the hare and before he could hide the beer. Shortly after was SnatchSquatch bitching about this and that as usual. Must have been a good trail. He was followed by a Bushman virgin and her second hash, Just Julie. She got afraid of the woods and getting lost so she visually hung on SnatchSquatch and wouldn't let go and get lost. Her sister, another Bushman virgin, Just Katie came in much later. She lost sight of Just Julie and kept looking back for baby sis. But she also wasn't going to be left alone out there and never bothered to actually go back looking for baby sis who was actually way in front of her. J. Julie, did she also pretend to care about you like that when you were kids? Also on trail were False Advertising and Lower Wackoff. And we've heard there whining stories before. After two round of circle, we headed out to High Stool, a bar known for its good pours of Guinness and a little warm up time. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Mar 19, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Cumming Right Meow and Catstro Dick Assist out of O'Callaghans. By the way, apologies to the hare for the wrong spelling of his name. And CH3, your spelling was really way off. This is the correct spelling from the hare. So, I'm late getting there. And for once I'm glad I missed that start. I ran into Catstro Dick Assist on the way and he told me it was A to B to his house and I knew were that was. Thanks Lord. Around the corner I met Lower Wackoff. Also late and saying there was a Split on this corner. We never found where that Split went. And we worked the area. Then we got split up. The other hare told Lower Wackoff were the Beer Stop was and so he eventually just headed there, near Division and Sedgwick. The finish was the opposite way. I wandered and wandered and using my best and worst instincts finally crossed the river and checked out the River Walk. Nothing. Going south a block on La Salle I found an arrow. This was the part of the trail that Catstro Dick Assist laid and it was a struggle at times, with markes after Splits, rather far out for this small pack of 7 now like 5 and 1 and 1. Anyhow, I ranged on and on and finally made it on in. The hardest part was the Check be Daley Plaza and that hidden third arrow behind the traffic light pole. R Kelly and Back Door Bizzle managed to just walk back to the finish from the beer stop. And Lower Wackoff struggled to find that part of trail but managed to make it On In. Now for the last three. Apparently Joaquin Penis took off to his house and then came back and somehow came in to the finish with Lost Her Penis and SnatchSquatch. GPS came in at 11.4. We compared several different GPSs pics and the hares. I can only add, unbelievable. They were posted on line. But everyone was in good spirits in circle and despite the bitches, we had a good time. Things go wrong, especially when two hares each do seperate parts of a trail. Distance especially. But we struggled with first marks after Checks and Splits that were to far out for a small pack. Hares, keep that in mind. A mark by the next corner is usually far enough for small packs. Now, it is spring. Lets get those bigger packs back out there. On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Tue Mar 7, 2023.The 4X2H4 Hash. False Advertising hared from the Gold Star Bar for 6 hounds. Well, actually 5 at the start. Lower Wackoff was off wacking off and parking. And yet somehow he finished ahead of Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly without ever passing them. How he do dat? We took off to the north and struggled on a few Splits and Checks before getting to Milwaukee. There Horn-E ran right up to the mark and didn't see it. And so many marks were like that. Anyhow Bottom Wrangler found that and we headed south on Milwaukee to a Check. And here we really died before finding trail south on Milwaukee. And Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly witnessed Bottom Wrangler flying. Well, at least crash landing. 'Off We Go'. But a Check at Ashland. Again. And this was on south on Milwaukee. Hey, this isn't Elston. With one little side loop we ended up at another Check at Augusta. Again, a regroup as we struggled here. Then we were off to the south with Horn-E heading on straight south on a short cut and a Check on Chicago. Again that bastard Horn-E short cuts and the trail cums up to him. And everyone is accounted for except Just Do Me Slowly. So the others ran on and the SCB waited for JDMS and we ended up walking on in to the hares car for cold beer and a short circle. And there was Lower Wackoff. WTF. Also on trail were Lifa and Joaquin Penis. On Out
Hash Break
Wed Mar 8, 2023, 7:00pm, the Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa hared from Solumn Oath Brewery. Nice pack of seven at the start with the usual two late comers on their way. We headed west to Humboldt Pkwy and struggled on what should have been a simple Check. I was finally on One when Stiffy 4 Stiffies looping back found the trail ahead of me. We're off to the south and west, working our way to the 606. A short back check and we are heading east to the first exit and south on Humboldt Pkwy to Check number two. Again I'm heading the right way when trail is found to the east ahead of me and soon everyone is passing me, including the grand Moonies, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her, our late comers. This then headed north and east to Check 3 and I was just arriving when it was solved, to the east. A few zigs and zags and I fell behind and out of sight to Check 4 at Milwaukee and Western. It was marked SE and I was off following trail that was swept well. A short south loop and then straight north to Charleston. Kept looking for Sally but only the rats were running that alley. From there I went west. Heading home. Well sort of.  Crossing Western and another block and there was a Check that I missed. Trail jumped from the south side of the street to the north side of the street. A block later their was Just Do Me Slowly wandering around with her cell phone, lost and trying to call for help. Well we back checked a bit and found the marks and we were off to Milwaukee again. Then south of Milwaukee wiggling trough various streets to California for the last Check. This was straight west and on to Palmer Square and the parkway for the beer stop and circle. And as we headed in that direction we spotted Lower Wackoff a block ahead of us. So we almost came in together. The pack was whole including Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Joaquin Penis. Moon Hash circle was held and we all headed on home. Nice hash with no rain. On Out
Hash Break
Thu Mar 9, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #978, Cuntlery laid trail from Grandparents Park. We had a late announcement on a location. We had rain and potential snow, We had a far out (near O'Hare) location, we had a new hare to Chicago, what else could go wrong. Like a no show. So Horn-E heads out there, 90 minutes by CTA with a hacking cold. And False Advertising show up so she won't be stuck with just Horn-E on trail. Cuntlery laid trail with her best friend, some pussy on a leash. S & M. Hmmm!!! Then we couldn't find her light flour marks in the rain. Talk about washout. But eventually Cuntlery returned and pointed out the right way and we were off. She indicated that we might go into the woods, but there was a short cut if we didn't want to do that. Like Horn-E would take a short cut and avoid the woods. Struggling along, we managed to find a few traces of flour and eventually a Split. Chalk. It held up beautifully. Horn-E had second choice and found the marks and eventually led to the Forest Preserve. Catherine Chevalier Woods for those familiar with the area. Long, very long, dead end parking lot. Horn-E headed out and managed to find traces of flour in the road and kept going. He flashed his light and blew his whistle for False Advertising. Meanwhile False Advertising found the short cut and blew his whistle and flashed his light for Horn-E. It is one thing when a large pack gets split. But two hounds. So Horn-E heads on constantly finding light, barely visible traces of flour and runs on signaling all the way. At the end, he finds four large flour dots indicating a Check. Well, it is the woods on wide paths or real bush wacking. Not another mark was found on partially flooded woodland bike paths and with light traces of flour on pavement, the deep woods seemed impossible, although intriguing following C*nt and pussy in the dark on a dry moonless night with plenty of good marks. Yeah!!. So Horn-E returned along that long street in the woods. Meanwhile False Advertising found the hare and her pussy in a warm car and they were snuggled up keeping dry and warm waiting for that old fool to return. And he did and we had a tripod in the car instead of a circle and the hare dumped Horn-E off at the Cumberland Kiss and Go. Only it was all GO. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Mar 12, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler hared from The Sedgwick Stop for 8 hounds. And one very partial hound, Rusty Grundel with kid in a stroller. He ran a few blocks with us and seeing the futility of the marks, retreated with kid to the bar and his warm wife, The Cock Whisperer. As for us. It was hard. We got to a Check at La Salle and Clark. And everyone was scattered. Everywhere. And finding nothing. And that was the tale of the day. Long distances to the first mark. around corners and such and, now get this, pink chalk in the rain, where everyone was walking over the marks. What could go wrong. Well a few more Checks, like every few blocks, and we reached Division. Ranging everywhere, I was paralleling at one point and they weren't On. They went back and I ranged to the east because that is where we hadn't Checked yet. They found marks to the west and were gone. I never saw another mark. So I ranged west on Division and of course nothing. They were two blocks south of me, struggling on Check after Check. I came to Sedgwick and there is this little park across the street. We've had beer stops there before. Saw nothing. So I headed north to the bar. As for the pack, they eventually got to that same park, as near as I could figure, and had a beer stop. Two hounds, Garmin and False Advertising quit at that point, already over four miles, and went back to the bar. About 10 to 15 minutes after I got there. That shows how much they were struggling. And Sleepy Num Nums just disappeared. Eventually they all made it back to the bar. Joaquin Penis said something about over 7 miles for a four mile trail. The other three finishers were Pony Pounder, La Shartsie and Back Door Bizzle. Hey, well done. Circle was held in the heated smoking tent and most headed home. Exhausted. Hey, shit happens. Sometimes the best of intentions go bad. Part of the game. On Out
 Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu Mar 2, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #977, Sleepy Num Nums hared from the Cowardly Lion in Oz Park for a pack of seven hounds. I'd like to say this was a good hash, but I'm not that good of a liar. But it was fast. And what wasn't fast was half assed. So naturally I fell behind early. But the trail ran east and south where it went by my old apartment on Wisconsin. By then the pack was really gone. But I managed to follow the trail without to much problem and actually went down an alley I never hashed through before. Hey, good. But then we went into the park and a Split. I went the wrong way, but being way behind I figured to go north anyway and maybe pick up trail coming out of the park. And suddenly by the Farm, I heard whistles and there was the pack on a bridge indulging in champagne. Shortly after arriving the DFL Cuming Right Meow arrived. We finally took off with the pack heading east and I went with the hare to the west. A short time later they were coming out of the park and heading north. Except the Checking Meat Inside Her who headed under a bridge to the west. The rest had a Check at the entrance to the Zoo at Webster. And the finish was to be at McGees about 9.7 miles straight west. There was a slight diversion to the north, but McGees was it. I walked/jogged straight west and just as I walked up to the bar, Cuming Right Meow ran right up behind me, DFL. We did have a back room to ourselves and held circle there, led by Bottom Wrangler. The Improviser Man. He probably improvises as bad as I write these stories. But all was good and the piss was flowing. On Out
Hash Break
Sat Mar 4, 2023, The Big Dog Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Blueberry Hill in Forest Park. The place was full of parents mis raising their children while they over comsummed the worst of beers, Lyte. Ugh. The usual suspects of hounds were joined by two towering Harriettes. A virgin Just Julie and her sister a Big Dog virgin J. Katie. No, not a big dog, A Big Dog HASH virgin. Both of them about six foot seven. No way I would keep up with those two galloping amazons. We were soon off with a pack of 9 hounds. A split and a turn, a turn and a Split and a turn and Horn-E was already lost. SnatchSquatch probably planned that so that old fart wouldn't get attacked and beaten up by some old lady with her umbrella at her own funeral. So he was soon, well not to soon, hashing Harlem. The street, about two miles from the land of the dead. Early on, Brother Incisor decided to bail. Hell, Horn-E might have been off course, but he ran/walked on. She bailed before Horn-E even got lost.  Meanwhile in this cemetery the mischievous hare planted a Check on a pile of dirt by a rectangular hole. Seriously, how was he to know that the funeral would happen right when the pack came by, and Splits after Splits had the virgins running around in circles all over graves, jumping from stone to stone so their shoes wouldn't get wet and dirty. From Mabel in 1887 to Max in 1917 to baby Bennie in 2022. Don't worry about the cops being called. They were patrolling streets for a parade and kids running amok collecting candy. So the pack ran on following Stiffy 4 Stiffies, named for those kinds of stiffies. The virgins were desperately trying to follow the Penis brothers so they wouldn't lose Lost Her Penis and trying to stay far ahead of the Walking Penis. Lifa was ranging from the old Confederate section to the gangster section and back again desperately trying to solve the Check on the hill. And despite everything, we all managed to finish close together. Inside the False Advertising/Zone 2 abode we enjoyed multiple Pizzas while holding the worst circle I've seen this year, in the normal Big Dog Style and our virgin J. Julie made the best accusation, 'Back Door Bizzle for blaming his slow running on the $20 Butt Slut' who went and peed on his shoes. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun Mar 5, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Garmin hared from Lickity Split Frozen Custard. Now that is a first. An ice cream palace instead of a bar. Lick Kitty Slits? Sound like a lesbian place. Are we now recruiting running Lesbians? All right, lighten up. We're hashers and we make jokes that piss off the politically correct crowd. Did I? We had eleven hounds on trail including two Harrietts, All Bush No Balls and Just Lindsey. Yeah!! And we were off to the east and then north and through Loyola Campus. Meanwhile I'm way behind and making it on my own. The hare said something about several churches and a mosque. I know where those are and short cut towards them and there is Lower Wackoff chugging along just south of a church. Bingo. So we head west and I miss were he made a turn and run on to Devon. Where did he go? So I cross Devon and still no marks so I head west and pick up on a mark going into an alley just before Clark. I'm off. After a long block east. I turn the corner and head south and at the first alley it is back west. Not me. I know where the Mosque is and another church. What, no temples or synagogues. Discrimination. Anyway, I head south and looking back, there is finally Lower Wackoff doing the whole trail. Well done. I'm a short cutting bastard today. Eventually he catches me, passes me and we run trail on into the finish. Then we walk over to Double Bubble for circle in their back yard smoke pit and Back Door Bizzle led his best circle of the year. And Bottom Wrangler drank at almost every accusation. He thinks he's funny so we got him drunk to help him actually become funny. On Out. 
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Feb 22, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from River Park for 4 hounds. Yes, that many. It had rained for hours and rained throughout the trail. We saw some marks before take off and they didn't look bad. Yeah, they were recently laid. Older marks were more of a problem. My take on that. Instead of a long spray of flour, it runs off quicker, try small piles. It coagulates like dough if you are lucky. But a lot of marks were on trees and they held up real well. If I only bothered to look up at the right times. So off we go and I'm in the wrong direction after 100 feet. WTF. But at a Check I catch up and I'm following Lifa. Then Double Meter Beater passes me. As I look back for Stuffin Muffin, they disappeared. They found trail through a section of park. When SM and myself got there, we never saw a mark going into the park or in the park. So we headed south to Lawrence, NADA. We ranged across the river and north and sure enough we find a Check and it is swept. We run through that section and west along the river to a Split. I went north and was right. But I didn't see any marks and the road was seriously flooded. So I follow Stuffin Muffin, way back now and finally come to a Check at Kedzie and Foster. Swept. A block later I find the hare and he directs me into an alley. Well, from there on, it was mostly marked, but occasionally a bit of a problem. Behind a school building and up to Bryn Mawr, over the river and south along a narrow park area along the river. I did miss one section into city streets but at the next exit the trail returned and eventually to the underpass under Foster and the Whiskey stop and circle. And all was good. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu Feb 23, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #976, Dryrafoan hared from Big Joes for 6 hounds. We took off to the east/south and the lead was soon out of sight. WTF. After three blocks and searching the wrong way on a Split, I found myself with Famming Flagott and we walked and ran the rest of the way together. As we got to this park at Kedzie. We thought we heard whistles, but from where. Well, the rest of the pack did trail south of that park for two blocks, west two blocks and then right back to that park. We could have saved our selfs a lot of trouble if we just went to the whistle, but echoes are deceiving and it was dark and we couldn't place them. So we went and did that same loop only to find Dryrafoan at a beer stop in a play ground. Right near where we heard a whistle. They're long gone and probably finished by then. For some reason Brother Incisor never made it to the beer stop. And we followed and short cut our way to the finish. Brother Incisor led us in a circle and all was good. Others on trail were Just Sam, SnatchSquatch and Sleepy Num Nums. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Feb 26, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder will hare from Begyle Brewery. I got there just as circle was starting. I went to the facilities and by the time I came out, they were gone. But there were a total of 13 hounds on trail. I saw some marks on the way to the brewery at Ashland and Irving Park. So I headed there just as Sleepy Num Nums passed me. The pack seemed to really struggle on that Check. Finally La Shartsie headed north on one side of Ashland and I did on the other side. A block later he found marks, but not coming from the Check. They came from the east. Could have been just around this school, so we ran on. (Note: This was an ON Back trail laid only a block from a Check. We missed the shot stop. The whole pack could have missed it) A block later was a big W. Was that a Whiskey Stop. There was supposed to be a shot stop. Find out late that it was for the Walkers. There were walkers? I was always just short of catching LaShartsie at Splits as he returned to sweep them. But no one else around. Was anyone ahead? NO. Suddenly the pack slowly caught us as we approached Ravenswood. And then they are all passed me and I'm trying to desperately keep Back Door Bizzle in sight. And then he is also gone. Damn. But I run On and at Western, Lifa suddenly approaches and passes me. Where in hell did he come from. Ranging at Splits and Checks. So we are at Irving Park and Western. He's already got 6 miles. We are 3/4 of a mile away from the start and heading further away. WTF. A block later is a Check. Lifa heads south and I follow along North Center Park. Nothing. He and then me enter the park and go around the tennis courts and no marks and back to Irving Park. I go west, nothing, I cross the street and see a mark. we were soon on three and back across Irving Park again and into the west side of North Center Park and there is the pack and circle starting. We were just on the other side of that park, less then a hundred yards away. Why didn't you wankers call out to us instead of letting us run on? But circle is held and then I realize that it is an A to B trail. We now go to the Burning Bush Brewery for an On In. A to B, I didn't see it announced on the web site. Might have missed that in circle if it was announced there, and a mile away gets to not being nice when people finally leave and have to go that far for cars and bikes. Just saying that announcing these things in advance helps, and A to Bs that far away are problems for some after the run. Warm clothes, rain gear, snow issues, etc. We did have one newbie, transplant from Azerbaijan (did I get that right?) Named Ultimate Disco Cunt. Welcome to Chicago.
On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Feb 16, 2023, The Thirstday Hash. #975 ...He's Still Limping & Laura Ingalls Girls Gone Wilder hared from Liars Club. All right, shit happens. There was supposedly a trail under that inch of snow. They laid the trail before the snow and had no options for the snow that was coming. We had six hounds in this mess and some in costume for this themed hash. I never saw a mark. We headed west as directed and there were obviously no marks to be found. I crossed the street and checked out a mall as they said they tried to lay marks where snow wouldn't get to them. Nothing. Finally Walking Penis ran by and said trail went to Damen and then south to Diversey and turn right. Two long straights. I was finally quitting when Scent Of A Man came along. Where the hell did he come from? He had a phone and directions to the drink stop. It was turn left, not right, on Diversey and eventually to the hares in the middle of this housing section. Only three of us made that. I said I'm heading back to the bar and two skipped the second drink stop and were told where three was and ran on. Back to the bar. SnatchSquatch wasn't happy, understandable, and said he ran about seven miles, actually managed to see three marks that didn't help a damn thing. Then he left early. Coming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist quit early. We had a short circle starting out with the hares 'ran such a lovely trail'. I guess that is the exact opposite of the 'hares ran a shitty trail' no matter how good it was. Now hares, I know you went through a lot of work laying your original trail, but it was gone. It snowed. With snow eminent and predicted, you should have been prepared for plan B. Colored flour, 2 to 3 miles and a live trail would have been great and the hounds would have been happy for the effort and the fun of actually having a trail they could follow. If you need help next time something like this happens, ask. SnatchSquatch or I would have gladly offered advice and help. On Out
Sat. Feb 18, 2023, The Bushman Hash. #213. Horn-E laid a trail out of Cumberland and Irving Park (Horn-E) woods. And I had 2 hounds at the start. Back Door Bizzle showed up at the first Check and joined False Advertising and Lost Her Penis. They struggled with that one and eventually got into the trail through the air field and into the woods. This trail would have some difficult moments. Snow was everywhere while laying trail and red on snow looked great. But it was warm and the snow was melting which made the marks over grass almost impossible. But once in the muddy paths through the woods, the marks were a little better. White on trees which usually works great even in snow and I tried to find the thickest spots of snow for ground marks. A ccw trail that went over to the river and then back and eventually along the same creek that they ran out on, but on the other bank. This is rapidly getting into the impossible, impassable stage being over run with thorn bushes. Then a short time later I headed for a known weak path that soon disappeared and I played hell trying to find my way through it. And so did the hounds. Then over a few logs where BDB had to carry $20 Butt Slut over. And finally beer. Now some bad news. While they hashed, I went for beer. But the closest liquor store closed down. WTF. So almost two miles to get beer and set that up. And as I wandered through some woods I haven't been in for a long time, I found a half completed log cabin in the woods. Prefect for the best beer stop of the year. Looks like it was made by local kids or homeless. Roof, just some main beams. But walls and windows and all probably illegally erected. We'll have to try that again. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Feb 19, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. La Shartiste hared from Parrots for 13 hounds. I'd like to say it was a nice trail, but I'm not that good of a liar. All right, I lied. If you were up front you probably really enjoyed that trail, nice tiny itsy bitsy marks and easy Checks and Splits. But from where I stood and as fast as I was running, I might just as well have just stood there, the trail was quickly blown away and I was alone. DFL. So, what else is new. Then there was the turn mark that was washed away on Clark street by a window washer. And every time I thought if a short cut I didn't take it and then found out I should have. Damn. Finally got to the beer stop in Oz Park and they were gone. So On I went. This time I saw a short cut on Dickens and took it and it worked. Then another on Sheffield and it worked, and I ran into the finish. And the pack didn't kill me for holding up a short circle, led by Bottom Wrangler. Then it was back to Parrots and another short circle and hanging out with out Swedish Friends, Construction Junction etc, and Cockholm Syndrome. On Out.
Hash Break
Mon Feb 20, 2023, 7:00pm, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, hared by Cuntlery, then Berts Special Friend and finally Meat Inside Her did the job. Location was from Welles Park and when I got there I had to walk around the whole damn park to find what I thought might be 2 or 3 hound had already taken off. Instead I found a pack of eight others and myself. That is nine for you hounds that can't count that high without using both hands. And the hare was already off on a live trail with a fifteen minute head start. We gave her ten. And it was a fast pack, but we managed to stay pretty well together as a pack. I finally drifted back as we crossed Irving Park and through a parking lot. I saw hounds heading west to Western so I short cut in an alley. They were a block south and apparently at a Check. I saw one hound heading north, then turning around and going back a block. Then he went west. So I paralleled and after a long block, no one was in sight. Damn. But as I go south towards were the pack had to go. I spot an arrow, into this park. I'm On and ahead. But there is a Check. So I head north in the park and around it on Irving Park. And suddenly there is some of the pack coming north on this road just before the bridge. Whoopee. So we cross the road and then over the bridge and some major confusion at a check. But it was soon found going north through Horner Park to Montrose and of course almost everyone passed me. Again across the river and a Check. We were scattered here and On or not On and then there is me. I went a block north and nothing. So I headed east and saw various hounds looking confused. But not ON. So I kept going east and at the alley right before Western I saw a mark heading out of the alley and to Welles Park. And there was soon the pack assembling at the Gazebo for circle. And all was good. We held a Moon Hash circle, ate chips and Swedish candy and drank beer and waved good bye to Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction. On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Feb 9, 2023, The Thirstday Hash. #974. Soul Taco, the Dark Kunt & Silent But Deadly hared from Duffy's. What a night. First off, with three beautiful harriets haring, where was everybody. All right, a last minute notice of location. And the rain might have also added to it.  Damn, and R Kelly was going to bring some virgins. Hope they were older then 16. What we got is three harriett hares and two harriett hounds and only three Wankers on trail. When was the last time the ladies out numbered the men. Definitely not the usual sausage hash. Extra buns on this one. So, who were these hounds. Scent Of A Man came all the way from North Dakota for this hash. R Kelly was on his second Chicago Area Hash, Laura Ingalls Girls Gone Wilder, Brother Incisor and that old slow fart, Horn-E. We took off to the east and our second mark was a Check. Brother Incisor checked south and missed an arrow in the shadows of a low fence. Hmmm. Arrows in chalk in the rain? Flour might have helped. Next the pack started out to the north and they found marks, but it was the On IN trail. Meanwhile that old slow fart followed and lost them and didn't see any marks. So he returned and headed south and found the marks for true trail. And ON and ON he went. The marks were mostly there, but often very light in the rain. Some marks just weren't were that blind old fool would normally expect marks. But continuously checking and ranging and the trail would eventually be found. So ON he goes. And just about every time he was ready to quit, like that triple Split just before the Farm in the Zoo that must have taken 15 minutes, suddenly there would be a mark where he never would have looked. Damn. Can't quit now. And so On it went. From the start the trail hugged the west edge of Lincoln Park to that damn farm. Then east to the other side of the Zoo and a long straight north to Fullerton. Then over to the lake front and north to Diversey. And always just enough Splits to f*ck up the hounds. Hounds? At Diversey, trail went under Lake Shore Drive for a shot stop. Like they waited out there by the harbor in the rain all that time. And Horn-E didn't even find that. Washed out and the hare ran out of chalk about then. Then Horn-E, not about to quit now, found trail again heading further north along the golf driving range and Split after Split and he guessed wrong on almost all of them. Finally trail headed into the city streets and at a Split on Briar, that was Swept. Who? How? When? So he runs on to Broadway and there aren't any more marks, anywhere. One freaking Split marked and it is marked wrong. So he ranges and finds another Split south on Broadway. It also is marked. And there were no marks after that. Two Splits marked and both led to no where. That is when the old fart finally quit. 135 Minutes on trail and 130 of them alone. And within ten minutes everyone started to bail out and take off. All right, don't know who did what north of Diversey, but Soul Taco did the whole southern portion. If we all got on trail it would have been a descent hash. But alone, where it sucked, it..., but I had fun. I don't often get to actually solve that many marks. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Feb 11, 2023, The Big Dog Hash. #220. Lifa set this annual Idiot-A-Rod Hash, ten mile trail from Hawkeyes. Are these hashers crazy. 14 of us. Trail headed north and across the expressway and more north. Twisting back and forth a bit and just easy enough for the pack to run away with the trail leaving Back Door Bizzel, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to really fall behind. Then Lower Wackoff found an impromptu beer stop. Some workers outside a pallet factory having a few Modelos. And Lower Wackoff was more then happy to join them. So Horn-E also stopped. We finally get moving and north of the tracks on Ashland we get marks to the west and there is the hare, sweeping on his bike. He gives me a short cut as they are just going on a short loop to a beer stop and I don't do them. He says there is a Split at Grand, a block north. So I head there and never saw the Split after checking all four corners. and I checked a block in all directions possible. Nothing. I saw SnatchSquatch's GPS trail and he never crossed Ashland heading east at Grand. Rather a few blocks north of Grand. Not saying what happened, but what I did. So I ran on to the east and kept finding nothing as I wandered east and south hoping to cut off trail. And I finally did. Marks between the second beer stop and the finish. And about then, along comes Cuntlery. She didn't do the Idiot a Rod, but the short trail and got to the beer stop before everyone. so she was still out and about for the hell of it. We headed over to the beer stop and the pack had just arrived. Finally at the circle in an open field we held the usual Big Dog circle and all was good. We survived. Eventually after circle we headed back to the bar for a warn up beer or two and some grub. On Out
Hash break
Sun. Feb 12, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Sleepy Num Nums was supposed to be haring from McGees. Never heard what happened. But the GM replaced him and along with LaShartisie, got a trail laid for 19 hounds. it started east and south and eventually I ended up with a few hounds running and walking at the rear. At North and Halsted the runners headed south. I headed east behind Zone 2 and False Advertising, walking and little jogs. Eventually we were joined by SnatchSquatch at the foot bridge over the river to Goose Island. From there we headed north and worked our way to a usual beer stop on Webster about 1200 West. While they were walking, I was trying to run and stayed just a little bit in from of them and finally came in FRB. Really, FWSCB. That is Front walk/running short cutting bastard. A short time later Stacys Niece came in as the real FRB. We held circle there, led by Bottom Wrangler, and then hung out there in the park. Eventually hounds drifted off and some returned to the bar.
Hash Break   
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Feb 2. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #973, Sleepy Num Nums, Just Scott and Gay Dancer hared from Phyliss' Musical Inn for nine hounds. We started out straight North and at the first Split, a short block later, we were already screwed up and lost several hounds. Yeah, not the best marks. But I somehow ended up following the lead pack and we headed across Milwaukee Ave and then east. We're following Walking Penis who went right by a Split. Myself and Steps In Shit were right there and couldn't see the Split even with flashlights. But visiting hasher, No Man On The Moon spotted it and was gone. A block later and I couldn't see any marks at a turn, but the pack was gone and heading for Ashland. I looked. NO marks. But I followed. We crossed Ashland for a few blocks and then headed north across North. A block later and I caught a short cut that got me ahead of Cumming Right Meow as we headed east across Ashland. A block later and we are Checking again. And suddenly SnatchSquatch and Just Sam finally caught the pack. North a block and we are at another Check. Hmmm. 606 Trail. But someone already checked that. But not far enough. Meanwhile I ended up heading straight west an got to the next down ramp from the 606 trail just as Anal Contradiction came down the ramp. Trail headed south. And the pack slowly passed me and I fell behind. Finally got to a BN Check. Never saw another mark. Ran on to Wicker Park eventually where I found Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow. Also lost. So we worked out way back to the bar and found the whole pack there. There wasn't a beer stop, just On Back. We headed for the beer garden for circle and still the band made it almost impossible for me and my bad ears to hear a damn thing. Eventually after a very short circle and an even shorter naming, we finished and Just Scott will forever more be know as Kool And The Gangbang. On Out
Hash Break
Sun. Feb 5, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from A. J. Hudson's Pubic House for this Hawaiian Theme Hash. There were fifteen trail hounds for this trail. Just because it had a warm theme doesn't mean it was. I saw some marks on the way to the bar, so this old fart used them as early on short cuts. The pack did head that way and they finally got to Clark and Grace about the same time I did. I was checking with Furry Spice, Garmin, SnatchSquatch and a few others. Trail was found to the north and through a now locked gate and through a parking lot. We eventually found trail coming out of the lot and to the east. The pack headed north just past the cemetery and I kept going east. They had to come back south, didn't they. After a few blocks I saw SnatchSquatch go by and I knew I was ON again. Followed this around Wrigley to the south and then south on Clark from a check. The rest of the pack was now following. I blew my whistle for them and we were off down some alleys and streets and winding our way towards the Shot Stop. I missed that by going down a side street and eventually over to Ashland and School. A Split caused me some grief and then I was on heading to Lincoln and then north. A block later was a Check, but this was a gimmee and I'm off down an alley under the tracks and north on Ravenswood to a damn Back Check 2. Heading back I see the pack cuming with Snatchsquatch leading. I yell out Back Check and he heads under the tracks. Good. I head the other way and nothing. Meanwhile the rest of the pack arrives and heads straight for the Back Check and never returns. WTF. Somehow they ran past it to Addison and were on and I was FRB and now DFL. The first shall be last and the last shall be first and so it was written and so it shall be done. Well actually Cumming Right Meow finally caught up to me and we worked out way to the Beer stop under the tracks and Circle. We did have two virgins, Just Claudia and Just Matt, and there were two other Justs, Just Erica and Just Jeff. After circle it was back to the warmth of the bar and eventually On Out.
Hash Break       
Mon. Feb 6, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Park Tavern for four hounds. Unfortunately Horn-E showed up late and made it five. So I'm running late, but they are sweeping the trail and I follow along heading east mainly. At Skinner park I'm thinking, can I short cut around and catch them. I didn't and either did they and two blocks later I'm with the back of the pack. We head over the expressway and a Triple Split. Lifa goes straight and doesn't come back. So we follow and I eventually spot a mark. So it is now me and Lost Her Penis following trail south and east to Lost Columbus Park (Arrigio), and a Check. I head into the park and find a Split but no other marks. Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff now arrive. So I decide to range on the south side in the park and to the east. At the far end I find nothing and exit the park to check the perimeter and then head north. Now remember this point. Yeah, right here, SE corner of the park. But before I do that I hear Lower Wackoff's whistle. To the west. So I head back through the park heading west while LW and JDMS are heading east just outside the park on its north side. I get to the far end at Loomis and check all around. No marks. I finally return to the Check and it is swept pointing east on the north side of the park. At the end of the park, where I was originally heading next, the trail went south for a loop a block south (Missed short cut #1) and then a block east and back north and back west and remember that point I said to remember. Right across the street from where I was. And I just missed seeing Lost Her Penis and a great short cut. (Missed short cut #2) Now I'm at least a half mile behind everyone. So it is south to Taylor, west and eventually towards the Hospital campus following that damn hares middle of the block crossing the streets and loop backs to hell. I finally come to an unmarked Check and there is Lower Wackoff returning from the south. JDMS is returning from the north and Lifa is texting that the BS is west in front of the Old County Hospital building in the park. Boom and we are there and after all that. I beat JDMS by about 20 feet and wasn't DFL. We held a Moon Hash circle and then dispersed. I could see the blue line station from the circle and ten minutes later I am warm and sitting on the train. ON OUT.
Hash Break   
Tue. Feb 7, 2023, The 4X2H4 Hash. Horn-E is haring from Senior Citizen's Park. Trail was set to go east and then south with a series of back and forth shit and eventually to a Check at Milwaukee and Western. And damn if the pack didn't all regroup here. Trail was across Western and straight west. They all managed to get over there eventually and when no one was looking, Just Do Me Slowly took off on true trail and was long gone. False Advertising and Lifa soon followed. Lower Wackoff was looking for JDMS. I told him as hare and sweep, I would wait for her. But of course she would never come because she was gone. While I was waiting, I caught a real "Serves you right asshole" moment. We've all seen these one wheel powered vehicles that have direction and speed determined by leaning and balance. They whip in and out of traffic worse that a mob of bicyclists. Well, here he comes on Milwaukee heading east and leans into a turn onto south Western and the damn thing slips out from under him and he and it slide along and into the southbound lanes of Western. He gets his, whatever it is called, and dusts himself off. Finally gets it going and suddenly he whips across Western and heads north. He'll life to die another day on that thing. So now. JDMS isn't coming so I head west to find the pack and suddenly here comes JDMS leading the pack out of a dirty filthy alley after a check. And they are soon all together and heading into the maze of alleys in the area. Missing Back Checks and rats and such along the way. And along the way they run into
Laura Ingram Girls Gone Wilder, wandering aimlessly along hash marks looking for the beer stop or the pack and sort of on trail backwards. She informs us that Scent Of A Man from North Dakota whose first trail ever was a Bushman Hash, is out on trail somewhere following us. WTF. We shortly are all back at the start and the B. And SOAM comes over to me for a hug and he is all sweaty. Our 25 to 30 degrees is a heat wave to him after his North Dakota -54 degrees. So Lifa leads a circle and we hang out and eventually head out. I go over to the WEB with SOAM and LIGGW where they had a few nightcaps And eventually I was ON OUT.
Hash Break         
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Wed. Jan 25, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lifa laid trail for this ninth Analversery Hash from Twisted Spoke, for 6 hounds. At 7:30 he sent five hounds off and running. Where the hell was that old dog, Horn-E. Not another tail of missed buses. Yep. The relief driver never showed up. Long story short I changed route to the damen bus and instead of cuming early I got to Grand at 7:28. A mile away. I waited for the Grand bus. And the hare waited 15 minutes for some dumb late fuck to show up. They ran north and south and west, but none east. I finally gave up and started hoofing it. Still no buses. Ever. But I finally found marks on Grand. Great. Now am I in the first part of trail or the end. I was about the 15% point and the pack was well past me. Trail went south a block and back east. Is this the end. Nope. At Ogden the trail headed south of the tracks. Ain't going there. So I figure the pack had to go south and then more east. I checked every corner just north of the tracks and finally the trail came north again. Did I get in front of them. No way. So I run on. Simple trail and finally crosses Ogden. In the grassy area just south of the expressway. Damn, almost ran right past them. At the Whiskey Stop. I didn't see them and they didn't see me. And I continued on a loop across the expressway, east to Ogden and back over the expressway and through the hole in the fence. And there was the pack. I saw the GPS and I did about half to 60%. Others on trail were Dickens Cider, Garmin, Berts Special Friend, Lower Wackoff and Walking Penis. After a quick circle overlooking cars and cars and trucks and noise. Then back to the bar. A quick round and I headed out. On Out.
Hash break
Thu, Jan 26. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #972, Horn-E laid trail from Double Bubble for four hounds. I got that many???. Wow. Snowed during the day and I was worried about snow over my marks. It quit about 6:00. So, out I head, Set the back part of the trail first, check the bar and then the first part of the trail. Circle back to the bar and get off the 42 hounds. Okay, only 4 hounds. And they ran right past the first turn. And I head out to get that middle turd of a trail. And it was a turd. Damn. Anyhow the trail was simple because more snow was expected. Sort of straight to Loyola Campus. A Check and a sucker False Split across the street. Got at least SnatchSquatch there as he ran towards the lake and the through the campus to the shock of a bunch of freshwomen coming out of some building and seeing this huge monster saquatch running by. They were almost right. But the one I really needed to catch was Sleepy Num Nums. And he runs right to true trail and is now hot on the old farts tail. Meanwhile I lay another Check and then a series of Falses looking like trail might go to my house for a beer stop. Caught SnatchSquatch and some on that. But the sneaky Sleepy  Num Nums doesn't know where I live and keeps right on picking the right directions on all Splits. I see him cuming and try to get to that last Check before beer before he catches me. I even head off in the wrong direction so he won't head straight for beer that I haven't bought yet. He snares the hare right at the second arrow of that False. So I send him off looking for trail and head for the beer stop right behind a liquor store. They weren't there yet. I run in and run out with beer and they are there. So the hare fucked up and was mot only snared but about two minutes late to the beer stop. Then it was off to the bar for a circle. Others on trail were J. Scott and North Bangher Alley. About 2.5 miles average. On Out
Hash Break  
Sun. Jan 22, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler and Just Adam laid trail from The Sedgwick Stop for 12 hounds. Nice day and no threat of snow. We take off running to the north and east and towards Lincoln Park. I missed the Group Hug Check. Actually a missed a turn towards it and was off in the park with no marks. Returning I find the hug Check and it was swept by the hare, Bottom Wrangler. So I get to the lagoon and I'm looking for the pack in the distance. I see them leaving a shot stop under Grant's horse's ass. They are heading north on the east end of the lagoon. So I head north on the west end of the lagoon and into the Zoo and there is a mark. And then a Check. I go north through the Zoo on a False. Meanwhile the pack was already through here on a quick Check and heading straight west to Oz Park for a beer stop. So eventually I follow. Now along here the sweeping hare texted. You know if the hare has to text during a hash something is fucked up. Yes, his co-hare was still sitting in the pub with the beer. And hounds were already at the beer stop. WTF. Well, they finally got beer and pounded them down and were off. Just as this old blood hound arrived. So I followed and four blocks later they were stopped again for a second Shot Stop. From here it was On In. Sleepy Num Nums tried to lead the circle with the help of Bottom Wrangler. Hey, he's the hare. We also met our Virgin Hound, Just Sam, and deflowered her with a down down. Then it was back up front and beer and food and beer and on and on and On Out
Hash Break                   
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


       The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Jan 19. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #971, ...He's Still Limping laid trail from Drink and Ink. A small pack of SnatchSquatch, Garmin and Horn-E and just after the start, Double Meter Beater arrived. And that damn first Check to the north took forever. By the time it was found, we were in four separate packs. Actually four lone hounds. Trail went north a block and then west and eventually into Lincoln Park and near Montrose Harbor. Well, that is where it was supposed to go. And then a beer stop at the hares hutch. Double Meter Beater sort of made most of that. SnatchSquatch got as far as the park and Lawrence and headed south and suddenly was at the BS a few blocks later. I made a big loop to the west, where trail never went and finally got on trail and followed SnatchSquatch to the BS. Meanwhile, since this was an A to B in design, something I didn't know, Garmin somehow ended up at the B and no one there except a hash groupie. We decided to stay at the BS and Garmin finally joined us. Circle was held and tall tales were told. At least when possible to get in a word or two. And I finally headed out. On Out.
Hash Break
Fri, Jan 20. 2023. The First Crack of the Moon Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Rabbits. The bar not a fluffle. We had a large pack of hounds including Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Lifa and Horn-E. Actually that was the whole pack. A short trail to the west and through a block long park, and back and forth and back and forth. And a shot stop for this Lunar New Year Hash with a shot of So Jew. Alright, so I can't spell. Then Stiffie and Lifa took off with SnatchSquatch sweeping. And that old fart really looked like it as he fell way behind. But he finished in time for a one around short circle. Then we headed back to the bar for grub and beer and the wonderful company of the two Moon GMs. And all was short and good. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Jan 21. 2023, The Bushman Hash, #212. Horn-E hared from Lechowicz Woods. There were 6 hounds including the hibernating Just Do Me Slowly. Trail headed into the woods and down this hill and an immediate left to the west. Meanwhile the pack headed down the hill and wandered around like at a Check that wasn't there. Finally after the hare corrected them before they found the On In trail, they headed west in woods to a Check under the foot bridge. Trail went up to the auto bridge and north, across the bridge. Then it went east along the river and in woods to a short water crossing. And across the river was the hare, laying the beer stop and watching them try to keep their feet dry. Then a check and soon the ON ON. Into the golf course. Fifteen foot high chain link fence and one low spot to crawl under in dead leaves covering wet mud. Some went under and some tried over. $20 Dollar Butt Slut had no problem. There were a few golfers so the trail didn't go through the golf course as much as around the edge and finally back into the woods. Then it was along the river's edge to a river crossing near the bridge. It was at least 32 degrees and only 3 to 4 foot deep. No one tried the river crossing and took the Turkey way out and went around. From here is was more running west along the river until a final push over to the bike path and the foot bridge over the tracks and On In. False Advertising arrived at beer to see Lifa and Chicken Stifer wandering around looking for the beer. A quick glance and he saw a tree stump and went right to the beer. FRB. Finally Back Door Bizzle and then Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Circle was held at this bend in the river while the hounds munched on nuts like a pack of mangy squirrels and washed then down with cold beer. Then it was off to Tall Stool, no, not the porta toilet, the bar, for a pint of really well drawn Guinness and on home. On Out
Hash Break  
Sun. Jan 22, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Annual Winter Snow Hash. This fluffle of hares, Lifa and Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverend Shut the Fuck Up hared from the Hare Hutch of Stab 'em and Slab 'em. Well, actually the hare, Lifa, laid the trail, Reverend Shut the Fuck Up swept and Stab 'em and Slab 'em led the the itty bitty walking puppies to the beer stop. So, we had the largest pack of hounds this year. Did free grub at the finish help, or the visiting Hounds of Indiana, and other seldom seen hounds, coming out to sniff out old friendly tales. And they all barked up a few. And the Visitor, SadHeAteHer and the three virgins, J. Matt, Tami & Tod. Alright, about 10, 2023 regulars. As I arrived I met Just Matt, again. Seems as if we met about 15 years ago in Jimmy's WoodLawn Tap, an old area hash bar and a Hyde Park institution of renown for defeating City Hall and being able to grandfather in their license during selling and passing it on. He was the bar tender back them and the owner now. Does that mean we train him to be a hare and come back down to Hyde Park more often. He introduced me to another virgin hound, his friend Just Tami. About then the head hare, Stab 'em & Slab 'em, walked up and was introduced. And they turned out to both be Pathologists. I suddenly had a fear that the grub at the finish would suddenly now be roasted and professionally dissected bunnies, blessed by The oh so Reverend Shut the Fuck Up. Oh, for the Lifa of Brian. Instead we had Bunny Sausages that looked like cadaver willies with mustard and ketchup ooozing all over them. Enough of this. The trail was relatively simple, CCW over to the former beautiful Jackson Park, being torn apart for the building of an ugly Pyramid that would tower over the trees. What is left of them. Trail went through the usual lagoons and past the Japanese Garden and then west and eventually to the local school for a beer stop where the walkers were waiting for the runners. Back at the finish we were led in circle by Back Door Bizzle and $20 Butt Stuff on her royal blanket. Limericks were led by Lower Wackoff and Horn-E got accused of actually being the perpetrator of so many of those Limericks. Then it was grub and get the hell out of there. I finally left with Bloody Thighs. No, I didn't have them, she did, and was named for them, and drove me home. Thanks BT. On Out                                                             
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

 
The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 12. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #970, Brother Incisor laid trail from Irish Eyes for five hounds. We headed south and east and an alley before getting to six corners as Fullerton Halsted. That sneaky bastard Horn-E saw marks on the way to Irish Eyes, so he quickly hit the first mark off of a Triple Split on Fullerton heading east and he was in front. Like that would last. Bottom Wrangler and Castro Dick Assist passed him a few blocks later, and Cumming Right Meow shortly after. Where oh where was Antique Load Show. We headed east and north and kept on going. I finally spotted them at WOOGMS alley and they soon disappeared. Yes, again. Trail went west now and there was a Check at Clark. I caught the pack at Halsted and there was ALS and BW. Trail kept going west and north and I finally opted for a short cut straight west. Two blocks later there were marks returning from the north and no one in sight. I soon headed into an alley and along came BW and CDA. Then ATS and finally CRM. At Diversey and Lincoln, I was pretty sure the trail was heading to the usual park and I was right. But a Check and a mark from BW led me astray and I ended up heading a long block west on a False Trail. I returned and started Checking and soon was ON to that park I knew, had to be the Beer Stop. And there was the pack and I was DFL again. Damn. Back at the bar we held circle around a table and all was good. On Out.
Hash Break
Sat. Jan 14, 2023, The Big Dog Hash #219. Horn-E laid his annual 8 Beer Stop Hash from Catherine Chevalier Woods for 11 hounds. Due to overall low attendance in Chicago, I knew we would have a smaller crowd. So I only had a case of beer and over 10 pounds of flour on my weary back as I entered the woods. Time was running short, so I couldn't lay trail backwards and get rid of the heavy beer first, so it was straight away and hope they would find my chalk talk and just follow. No way would I get back in time to start them off. Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist texted that they were running late. Oh Shit. The first Check was a stumbler for the pack and they stalled there. They texted back were to go and CRM and CDA stumbled even worse at the beginning and finally quit. As I was laying trail I past this small wet lands off of a creek bed and there are some tall reeds there. Taller then I have ever seen. Like 20 feet high. Beer Stop, in the middle. Only it was so thick a naked 75 pound Thai hooker couldn't have got through there. I managed about 10 feet before laying out 1 beer and backing off. It would have taken over a half hour to go through that with a razor sharp machete. SnatchSquatch managed to get in and get that beer. Trail went On. Down a path under construction for a new bike way. and finally into the woods. Beer stop 2. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That found that one. 5 feet from the B in the hallow of a log and covered in leaves. Meanwhile, False Advertising and S ran off on two separate well marked Falses, and the whole pack just followed. Both times. Hey, B is a Check. You don't blindly follow until On On is called. Whatever, it was a beautiful day, and the sun was out, and no one cared. Into some more ten food high weeds and past the circled dead mole. Is this a sacred animal grave yard? Beer Stop 3. This one was protected by a Zombie Deer. I swear it is true. The beer was laying on the ground in a plastic sleeve. And there was this Zombie Deer reaching out of his grave with one hoof firmly planted on the bag to protect it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Meanwhile, were the fuck is Horn-E. I finished laying the 8th Beer Stop. If I knew that CBA and CRM were at the start, waiting, I would have gone on to the finish and got them out onto trail. But I didn't and I decided to just back track and join the pack. I caught them shortly after their escape from the Zombie Deer. By now, everyone was just walking instead of running ahead and looking for the next beer stop. WTF. They came out into wet lands, mostly dry with patches of water here and there. S led them along a stretch of dry land to a turn over water and a B on a tree over the water. So they all retreated and went around and there was the whole pack, minus the missing two. Nine of them. They found the beer and instead of four standing around drinking the beer, everyone had a beer and they just walked along on a stroll through the woods. A Check at the path stumped them before they ran on to BS 6 by a tree stump in deep woods. Then on to some well hidden beer at BS6. Knowing this location in a little bit of a clearing and another well known clearing to the east, I had a False heading to the second clearing. And they all followed Chicken Stifer like little lemmings. Upon returning, the next two and final two stops were easy and straight north. We hung around at the last one a bit and everyone had a beer. Even a few that weren't consumed. Your hashers and you didn't finish them. WTF. We finally headed on in and held a circle at the shelter. Then it was off to The Cabana Club for a sit down and a few more beers for those that came and a chance to warm up. Also on trail were Crotch Fire, Back Door Bizzle, Zone 2 and a new hasher to the area, R Kelly. Welcome. And On Out.
Hash Break
Sun. Jan 15, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2400. Brother Incisor and Ice Princess will hare from Miska's. Ooops, closed. So to the next closest bar, Four Treys. Trail headed north and west and north and west and north and west and north and west. I was so far back I missed the one good loop for a short cut. At Irving park and a Check. I headed west. When trail headed north yet again, I said no way. Actually a good move. I went west to Western and then south. The pack went a block north and then basically over to and near the river or about two blocks west of me. I finally headed east a bit and came up to Belmont, a block west of Miskas. And Sleepy Num Nums ran by yelling ON. Bottom Wrangler was next in line and On and On. Apparently they got stuck at a Check at the Police Station. Brother Incisor laid it there as a reminder of the time she and North Bangor Alley spent half the night there trying to convince the police they weren't out soliciting. About 3AM they finally convinced them they weren't soliciting and the police let them go. Now they are hungry and they solicited the police to give them a ride to were they could get something to eat. Hmmm. That's my story and the way I remember BI telling it. Anyway, we were soon on south to a park and a beer stop and a circle led by Sleepy Num Nums and whoever chimed in. Then most of us headed back to Four Treys and hung out for an hour or two. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, and the Penis brothers, Walking and Lost Her.  On Out
Hash break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 5. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Lifa laid trail from Four Treys for 5 trail hounds. And I showed up lame, but game to walk the trail. They could have used me on that trail. We headed east and I caught the pack struggling on the first Check. But Double Meter Beater was eventually On and they were gone. Trail headed to the dreaded six corner intersection at Lincoln and Ashland. I got there and found a Check. Somehow a piece of paper was on the Check indicating trail crossed the street and went west. So I did. Trail didn't. It went SE. But after a block I assumed the trail had to go south so I did. At Wrightwood I saw Bottom Wrangler running by and heading south. Like I said, I could have helped. But being lame, I short cut west to Damen and then north to the Beer Stop. Trail went south to Diversey and then over to a Check from hell at Clybourn and Damen. First Double Meter Beater ran an extra seven miles looking for trail. Finally found it and blew his whistle. Stiffy 4 Stiffies heard, or didn't hear that whistle, and ran another 6 miles before he found the trail. He blew or didn't blow his whistle. And Bottom Wrangler and Happy Ass Grabber spent three hours and another fifteen miles trying to solve that check. I might have helped there. Or maybe not. But eventually they wandered into the beer stop. A quick circle and back to Four Treys where the pack drank on and on. On Out
Hash break
Fri, Jan 6. 2022. The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lower Wackoff laid his 27 Annual Winter Moon Hash from the Gladstone Lounge for six hounds. And we were off and running. Except Horn-E. Can we actually call what he does, running? So I fell behind as we headed to a Check at the pool. And marking issues caused Lifa to run about four point three miles here. Is that revenge for his last trail at TH3. Anyway, Horn-E was cumming down an alley heading for the pool. At the T in the alley, the arrow pointed west, But there were whistles to the east. And there was SnatchSquatch running by. Short cut. So we now run SE along the golf course and a Check and then into the golf course. I'm alone again in back. Look for flour on trees. Only the hare put flour on the ground in heavy weeds. Finally the Hare sweeping and Lifa, (Why wasn't he up front, Oh yeah, the pool) arrive. Well, now we finally find marks and we're off through the golf course in the dark. From here it was street running until we crossed Central and headed over the Foot Bridge. We could hear the hounds barking. They were stuck on a Check. Check? At the foot bridge. I look over the edge and there is a mark down below by the rivers edge, heading for some real muck. So I struggle to get to that mark and Castro Dick Assist is finally yelling ON. And I almost lost my shoe in some muck. Damn Untied. I get to that mark and I'm in front. Could that old fart finally become FRB. Not. Some woods running and suddenly SnatchSquatch is ahead. WTF. But we run on along the ups and downs along the river. I know where we are going. To the drainage tunnel for a beer stop. So with my shoe almost falling off I loop around leaving the up and downs to the pack. And Back Door Bizzle and Cumming Right Meow are yelling for me and I'm yelling back that I know where I'm going, and we finally came in together. And SnatchSquatch was sitting there not knowing if that was our beer or not. It was being guarded by some angry looking duck with her wee wittle duckling. SnatchSquatch, meet Bingo, our guard duck. Eventually Lifa rolled on in. He was way off on that last Check. So we had beer and returned to the Gladstone. Held a circle and ate some pizza. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun. Jan 8, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2399. Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewery for six hounds. Okay, the numbers. CH3 missed a hash on the Christmas weekend. In 2397 weeks Chicago Hash never missed their weekly mandate to lay a trail, with the exception of the Covid period of mass fear. But they didn't mark those missed dates as hashes and give them a number. Why was this one? Should it get a number? We've had zero turnouts, But if a trail was laid, it is a hash. We've had one hound show up, but if he runs trail it is a hash. But no hare and no location? So that is why I labeled it 2399. Now for the chalk talk. Again some confusion. The hare said there would be one False on trail and it meant go back one mark. Normally a F means go back to the last decision point and start over. Lifa was interrupting him as to that matter and apparently no one knew what to expect. If you want the trail to go back one mark, it should be a Back Check with a number or a back Check with no number but an obvious direction correction. Here we go again. Would the hash figure this out? NOT. So, lets run the trail. We take off to the east and south for a quick shot stop. Shortly after here we lost Zone 2. The pack heads south and eventually to a Check on Lawrence. Here we go again. I was already short cutting and was going past an empty lot when All Bush No Balls started into the empty lot from the alley. I yelled 'no marks' and she turned back. Bye. I followed her and found two marks in the alley and didn't see what directed her into the alley. No one was in sight. And I didn't see a Check. So I ranged east for a block and a half and nothing. So I ranged north. Suddenly I'm hearing whistles. I was looking for someone to my east, but it was SnatchSquatch on the west, running North in an alley. How the hell did he get there? He later said he just ranged wide and eventually found marks without knowing where they came from. So he runs on and I short cut towards where I thought the beer stop would be. I arrive there and no one is there. Just south of the Bryn Mawr/Damen curve. Then the hare and Zone 2 get out of a car. Okay. And we wait and wait and the sun is going down. Finally Lifa arrives from the south on Damen. There was no trail anywhere near where he ended up after that Check. He ran an extra couple of miles. Then SnatchSquatch come on in. And we wait and wait and eventually All Bush No Balls and False Advertising come in. She clocked 8.3 miles. And finally Back Door Bizzle. That was a long wait. It seems as if that is all we did this week. Wait at beer stops for hounds that were stuck on a Check. And Lifa got burned again. So Back Door Bizzle  holds circle and we're getting to damn cold and head out. Does this tale finally end. Not. Five of us go back to the Brewery. Spitefull is a good name. Suddenly Lifa and False Advertising rush back to the table, grab their bags and say they are out of there. Something about the bar tender being a dick head or something like an ass hole. Is this place now on the Hash Shit list? I need to hear this story. On Out.
Hash break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Dec 28, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Garmin laid  a trail out of the Duke of Perth. About 6 hounds on trail and I missed it because of a lack of information until it was to late. 
Hash Break
Thu, Dec 29. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #968, SnatchSquatch laid trail from Temple Stowe for five hounds. The Grand Thirst called it the GMs revenge. Well it was different. Only marks on trail were arrows and Checks. The hare laid three arrows and then a Check then three arrows and then a Check. And on through the whole trail. At least when he was able to keep count. And there were over 30 DAMN Checks. So much for the bull shit. Actually it kept us together for a short time. Then Garmin disappeared sometime after whispering on on. Horn-E managed to lead the back pack for about three checks and then he and Lower Wackoff fell back. Then Lower Wackoff fell further back. And in the middle were Dryrafoam and Happy Ass Grabber and hound. Five guys spread out in four groups. But the marks were sort of easy, sometimes swept, and if not, try running towards the most lights. And there were plenty on this Christmas Lights Hash. Tunnels of them. We finally ended this Christmas Lights Hash appropriately enough, in a Church parking lot where we sang loud and clear, a chorus of the usual dirty filthy hash songs. On ON was back at Temple Stowe,
Hash break
Mon. Jan 2, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2398 Berts Special Friend, Crotch Fire, and Double Meter Beater laid trail from Embassy for 14 hounds. There was one visitor, Dodgy Princess from Switzerland, and she brought two newbies, Just Lydia and Just Tom and one virgin Just Forrest  brought by Sleepy Num Nums. Several of the pack walked to the shot stop and then the finish so we had about 11 hounds actually on trail. Including the slowest, Horn-E, DFL. The Hares got tricky from the get go with a turn south only to have the trail head east and then north over the expressway. And from what I saw at the beginning, the virgin and newbies were doing a good job of hunting out trail. Through the campus I was able to still see the pack and got a short cut. But I'm really falling behind. Just ahead was Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist was holding back for her and there was False Advertising looking for a short cut. And somehow I caught up and pointed out trail to them and we were off into an alley and eventually to Target's parking lot. Cuming out of there was an arrow through a locked gate and C D A and I circled to the west and picked up on trail. This led to the shot stop in a park. While the pack was rolling the dice to see what horrible concoction they would have to drink, I ran On. After several false turns I found myself at Ogden and the pack was finally catching up. And a Check with a long False. Trail went south on Ogden and through some parking lots. I was paralleling at this point, running for the lead hound who kept going the wrong way. I finally had to squeeze through an iron fence and catch the pack. Not. So a short cut later and I'm with the front and then the back again as we headed east to a park and the Beer Stop. Soon Bottom Wrangler started the circle and all was good. The hares and visitor/virgins got their share and then we retired to Hawkeyes for some grub. On Out
Hash Break
Tue. Jan 3, 2023, The 4X2H4 hash, Lifa hared from District Brew Yards. Well, actually the street. They were closed. But you make it work and we did. Four hounds on trail for 3.5 to 4.5 miles of trail. And we mostly sort of stayed together until we didn't. Running streets, alleys, and occasional dumps and homeless camps and rats in packs, we finally came to Lake Street. A Check. I held back to mark it. Meat Inside Her went East and after a long block she was ON. But just about then. Lower Wackoff and False Advertising were blowing whistles and they were on. Until they weren't. False. So I know were M I H headed and short cut myself and F A that way and was able to spot her. Meanwhile I'm marking a new trail for L W who isn't following. He went back to the Check and the hare showed him the long way around, but ON trail. Meanwhile we three get to a park and eventually another Check. And again, we are running off to a False. Finally we are back on trail and heading to Ashland and L W was able to catch up. We now head east on Monroe to another park and another Check. M I H is gone. F A is signaling were to go on the Check, but it is foggy. L W and H-E are in a slow pursuit. And suddenly no marks. H-E heads north and L W heads somewhere and finds marks. But he ends up following some trail backwards. Meanwhile I find the marks cuming out of a park. He is blowing his whistle and I'm yelling On and neither is about to admit we are wrong. And I was right, and waited and yelled and finally ran On. eventually Another Check at Randolph. I go north, Wrong. He followed, He shouldn't have. Then I go east and wrong again. He goes west and finds trail a block later. The way I initially looked and found nothing. Damn. So I follow and catch a short cut and get ahead, then it was just sort of On In with L W beating H-E by fifty feet. DFL again. And circle was right near a fenced off old garbage dump we used to circle in. Forced to move up in class by some ass and his huge fences. After circling here, It was on out and I am ON Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Dec 22. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #967, Cuming Right Meow hared from her Condo down town for a massive pack or 2 hounds. It was cold, but near an El stop. Trail was well planned for a lot of inside pathways and underground streets and garages. What could go wrong? A live portion was laid to get us to the underground garages. After a three block outside section we came to a Split, north on Michigan or straight east into Millennium Park. Trail went south. Horn-E went north, SnatchSquatch went east, then we both went north and we both went east and around the Bean where they were shoveling everything away. Her marks? No. Trail never went that way. We finally ended up going east on Randolph and lost sight of each other. SnatchSquatch went around Outer Drive East, above and below ground and all around that lower park. He eventually found his way into the Underground Monroe Street Garage, turned a corner and bumped into the hare. Duh!!! They returned to the start. Meanwhile Horn-E entered an upper level entrance (7) of that same garage on Randolph and found marks. After scaring some cute bimbo with her Christmas packages, this hairy old troll finally explained he was following arrows. She protested that there are no Indians around here, ran for her car and blew her horn. Damn, not Horn-E. Oh well. There were splits in the stairway at every level and I checked them out all over and down to (2). Finally I left the garage and entered the underground maze of streets beneath Randolph and Columbus and all over looking for marks. NADA. WTF. Finally found an open entrance to the Maze of passageways between the building up above. Even found a map. Go left, right, left, right. Yeah sure. Except the last left went through some doors and to a construction area. Thank god the doors weren't locked in reverse. I finally emerged through some fancy restaurant where they demanded to know if I had a reservation. No and I ain't an Indian either. Geez. They had all of four customers and two were coughing up some wampum so they could leave. Anyhow, from here it was give up and On IN. And at the On IN we had some good warm stew and hung around until well after. Well, well after. I left at about 1:30. Yeah, AM. On Out.
Hash break
Mon. Dec 26, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from his back yard for a Christmas lights Hash. Trail followed the lights wherever I could find them until a great street of lights all over and about 3/8ths of a mile long, and then the other side. At the finish there was a ton of slow cooked drumsticks and spaghetti to warm the packs bellies and beer until they had enough and went home to prepare for a week back at work and I could sleep in. On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E
 



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Dec 15. 2022, The Thirstday Hash, #965, ...He's Still Limping hared from Declans for a great pack of...one. The Grand Thirst, SnatchSquatch showed up. Sorry ..., I wanted to come, but was down with a bad cold last week. She laid a live trail for one and made it as hard as she could, as in long stretches between marks, so he wasn't sure if he was on or off. But he and they ran on to the lake and back. ON OUT
Hash break
Sat. Dec 17, 2022, The Bushman Hash. #218, Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods and we got more hounds then TH3. We had two. Lower Wackoff and Chicken Stifer. And they mostly stayed together and ran as a pack of two. Good. Trail headed to a Check at the bridge and the ON was across the river and along the river. A nice winding trail including some crawling over logs and such until the trail narrowed at an incline to the biking trail. Along the biking trail before heading through wetlands that were mostly frozen and into the gullys. Back out at the bike path and then heading east into the woods. This eventually got the pack good. Trail suddenly headed north, like it was heading for a big loop. Gotcha. That Rat Bastard hare would have been giggling so hard he'd piss his pants over that. Got them. The Check had two Falses, both heading sort of North and the hounds died there, almost. But finally a big old white dot was spotted high on a tree and heading south. Yes across Devon and east along a ridge over the river. This would eventually take the hounds into the golf course. Yeah, I like the winters because the golf courses are closed, the golf course covered in frozen snow. And trail ran through the woods separating the fairways and finally straight down the middle of the fairway into a heavy wind and then on in to the beer. Right were the hare caught these same two hashers a few months ago with a tricky Check. Only this time it was B and under the bridge and out of the wind. A treat from the hare. Merry Christmas. The Grand Bush provided them with Super Dawgs. No, not the eating kind. A beer, a pale ale, named after the Super Dawgs hot dog stand and right next to the place was a liquor store that carried it. And all was good. Circle was brief, but with only three in circle it seemed as if we were constantly leading the circle. After circle, we headed our separate ways. ON OUT
Hash break
Sun, Dec 18, 2022, The Chicago Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from the Old Irving Brewing Co. Wow, the pack size was improving. We actually had three hounds. Horn-E, Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist. It was low 20s and three slow hounds. But we mostly ran On and stayed together splitting the finding of Checks and Splits and those three damn Back Checks. 3, 6 & 8. Trail meandered mostly East and South towards Irving Park and about 4200 West. and then we looped back with those damn Back Checks, I caught 6. Damn. We finally headed into a section of Town Houses and CDA ended up leading us to the 8 Back Check. Damn hare. But we stuck together, under the Expressway and back to Montrose. Crossing Montrose, this old hound smelled a beer stop ahead and knew were the little triangle park was. Damn, not there. CDA went right and Horn-E went straight north to the next park and there was the hare. While we were running hash, he was running in circles. Around that park over and over trying to stay warm. A quick circle was held and then back to the brewery for a warm up. ON OUT.
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Tue, Dec 6, 2022, The 4X3H4 Hash, Lower Wackoff hared from Senior Citizens Park. The trail quickly headed west and I'm all alone. Came to the first Check at Western and still alone. WTF. Where is the pack. I ranged south and found nothing. So I ranged west and eventually picked up on trail. This led me to a series of mistakes and close to a mile running in circles before picking up on a back Check and the real trail. So I run on, constantly trying to signal the hare/sweep where I was. I run on to another Check on Division near Milwaukee. Multiple directions here and a few Falses before circling back to Division and finding the trail. And this led to seeing some marks swept. The pack got ahead or is that the sweep. I finally catch the hare at Palmer Square. We sort of turned around here and headed back to the start. There we held circle and just hung out on a beautiful night. And the pack never did show up. I guess I was the only hound.         .
Hash Break
Wed, Dec 7, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #416. Horn-E hared from McGee's. We actually, surprise, had a six pack of hounds. So, the 12 beers I brought should do it. The trail was short, three miles. Over to a Check at Halsted and they headed to Oz Park. Wrong. Trail went south on Halsted and then through a maze of streets to a check near the El. From here it was over to that nasty intersection on Clybourn. They lost Lower Wackoff here as he was off on a False when they found trail. This led them to a small mix of angled streets and alleys and we almost did all of them. Then a Check at Racine and Armitage. Only one way out and this really split the pack. But mostly On In to a park at Racine and Webster for a beer stop and a short circle. Glory Hole was FRB, The Perfect Woman from Seattle wasn't dressed for the cold and ran back to the bar for a jacket and gloves, We had a returning hasher, Just Steve. And then back to the bar for a hash birthday party.
Hash Break
Thu, Dec 8. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #964, SnatchSquatch hared from The Sedgwick Stop. A large pack for Chicago with a lot of visitors. There were two co-hares and a Turkey Eagle trail. Well, I took off hell bent on running the Eagle trail. They were soon long gone. At Wells and Division, caught by the light, and seeing an arrow pointing west, I went west. Missed the turn to the south and apparently it went down to a little park by the merchandise Mart for a beer stop. To much for me. I'd still be out there. But I was trying and ran to a BN. It was the BN for the Turkey trail. I found it right away and when they arrived to the BN, I took off. At least I'm running and not walking. I find one Check. Then a struggled on the next one. Then I lost trail going over a large section of grass. Ranging left, I found the Eagle Trail. So, I'm off on that, twisting and turning I finally came to a Triple Split on Halsted just south of north. East. Wrong. Damn. North. Wrong, Damn, South and I'm on and off to a big open field with the hares and beer waiting. FRB twice, or is it SCB. Circle got going with 23 including those that didn't run trail and the two separate packs. Sleepy Num Nums turned up with his dog. At one point the dog went after the case of beer. Got one can in his mouth and bit down. Beer spraying everywhere. This 6 foot 6 inch hasher stepped back and over me and I ended up on my ass. SH. But why always me. Am I a target?
Hash break
Fri, Dec 9, 2022, The Chicago Hash #2394, Anthrax Hash Prelub. Lifa and Crotch Fire hared from Duffy's. Trail headed east and to the lake front before heading north. I'm now with about 6 or 8 hashers. As I get to the pedestrian tunnel a hasher is seen returning. Back Check? Has to go through the tunnel. So I head west and lead to a Split just as we leave the park. I head straight and I'm on. But no one followed. WTF. And there is a Check at Sheridan. I head west again and didn't find anything. I ranged. Bad mistake. Over to Broadway and north to Belmont. Nothing. Heading west I work my way to a Check at Halsted and Clark. And two hounds looking for trail. It was marked SW but there were no marks there. We ranged. Yes again. I finally found trail several blocks away and followed it on in to a circle just south of the Gazebo. And circle had just started, Count was mid 30s and Back Door Bizzle leading the circle. All was good and after circle we headed back to Duffys for a private party.
Hash break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E
 


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Dec 1, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #963, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared for four hounds from The Ogden, including a transplant, Homodynamics from Houston. We took off to the west and a Split and naturally the trail went east from there. Homodynamics was not in sight. No, not in front, behind. A walker. Meanwhile Garmin was leading and Double Meter Beater right behind. Horn-E was trying to keep up with some loops as we headed north to Ogden and a park and that is where I last saw the two front runners. I understand Double Meter Beater came in FRB. Meanwhile I'm plugging along through neighborhoods and past multiple breweries. If I could only drink, there would have been many opportunities for an impromptu beer stop. But ON I go and eventually around the United Center. Missed the trail on a Check but ranging I finally found it and started to think, Hmmm, are we going to the hares house. Bingo. But how do I get there. I mostly managed to stay right on trail and finally headed down their alley to see two hares and two hounds waiting. And they were cold. So it was inside and we stripped down. well, outer layers and shoes. And Meat Inside Her put in a couple of pizzas. Cell contact was made with Homodynamics and he was not even close. But directions and he was soon there for circle and the telling of Tall Tales. On Out
Hash break
Sat. Dec 3, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. #218, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Mudffin hare from Pleasant Point Park. They had four hounds turn out on a beautiful day. At the very beginning they ran to a Check that took forever to find. After that Chicken Stifer took off in the lead with the others following. They finally hit a T and E Split and Chicken Stifer took off on the Eagle. Lower Wackoff decided to also brave the Eagle trail but after three blocks, heading way away from the finish, he returned and followed by about five minutes, the Turkey trail with Back Door Bizzle and Just Brandon. After the circle, Just Brandon and Lower Wackoff joined the hares in a pub for some warm up beers. On Out.
Hash break
Sun. Dec 4, 2022, The Chicago Hash. #2393 Sleepy Num Nums and Just Scott hared from McGee's Did the hare get my email and limit his trail to east of the El tracks so it wouldn't conflict with the Wed. Hash I'm haring from the same location. Not a chance. We had eleven hounds at the start. And a quick Check to the east. Trail went east and eventually north to Lincoln/Halsted intersection. And now into the territory that was in the blocked in Zone for the hares on the upcoming Anthrax Pre Lub. North of Fullerton. Trail headed east for two blocks and then north through neighborhood streets for a couple of blocks and then heading west and north west as trail headed towards Halsted/Diversey. There was a Back Check in there that allowed me to catch up to Lower Wackoff. Then the trail headed directly west for four blocks. Now the trail heads south. And this is territory I originally planned to lay trail in and conceded to Lifa so his trail would not have any problems. Anyhow, now the trail heads south on Kenmore to Jonquil Park and a Check. This headed through Jonquil Park and I spotted Lower Wackoff at the far end of the park and followed him south on Seminary and finally out of the hare's zone for Fridays Hash, crossing Fullerton. This now went through the DePaul Quad and a Check. From there it was short trip south and through an alley and back to McGee's. And circle was already underway. Hey, what's the rush. Circle was inside now. Warm. You can wait for everyone to get in. Circle was led by Garmin and the hares got many.
The trail itself was good, but heading into territory for upcoming hashes wasn't necessary and should have been avoided. Not faulting the hares for this. They're new at this and didn't know. But hare raisers should guide hares on locations and point out these issues. Apparently there will be rain later this week wiping out those marks and they won't be a problem beyond maybe running the same streets again. Boring. But lets coordinate better. Check the various hash calenders. Most of us run many different hashes and we don't need to screw over our friends. We can do better. On Out.
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Nov 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #963, ...He's Still Limping setup an Orphans hash from her place at 826 W. Sunnyside. And a flock or Toms and Jennys gathered and tried to mate or just mix and turn a little turkey time into hash time or whole turkey time. Much beer was consumed and the flock turned into a real gaggle of Turkeys, the more beer they drank. 
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Sat, Nov 26, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #301, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from The Double and the hounds gathered. Two is plural so we were a pack of two. At the first Check. Lower Wackoff came on the trail right away while Horn-E was off on a False. And then Horn-E went the wrong way on a Split. Now he is way back. But he finally gets on trail and runs on. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff thinks he should go back and mark some splits and the Check for Horn-E. They passed each other in the dark. Somehow. Shit happens. So, now Horn-E is in front and trying desperately to catch Lower Wackoff. He only occasionally marks a Split in case someone might have showed up late. But does wonder why none of the Splits are marked. Lower Wackoff usually tries to mark Splits and Checks. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is struggling on the Splits and Checks and after solving them he goes back to sweep them for Horn-E. Never thinks that an occasional Split is marked. Reminds me of an old hash tale. Two bimbos turn up for a hash. Bimbo A says to Bimbo B, 'What should I do with my keys.' Bimbo B says, 'Put them in my car."' Then Bimbo B says, 'Now what do I do with my keys.' Bimbo A says, 'Put them in my car.' They got named Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. Well, that was the two hounds on this trail. Horn-E not sweeping much because he is trying to hard to catch Lower Wackoff. Lower Wackoff sweeping everything for Horn-E not putting together occasional swept marks meaning Horn-E was ahead of him. All in all, we both agreed that the hares did a nice job and the trail was pretty OK. Whoa, I almost said good. We returned to the Double and Meat Inside Her went down the block for a pizza for the hounds. Good time. On Out.
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Sun. Nov 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash. #2392 Back Door Bizzle laid trail from the Peace Park along Lake Shore Drive at Buena. Another great pack. Five hounds and again, no Harriets. We took off to the south along Lake Shore Drive. Garmin was streaking ahead. SnatchSquatch and Bottom Wrangler were not to far behind and then Lower Wackoff. Way behind was that old fart Horn-E. At Irving Park the trail went west. Two blocks later was the last I saw of the front three. Trail went south and then back east and south along LSD. Now I'm really running slow today so I short cut early. Damn, they didn't come back my way. So I head over to LSD and there is a Check and trail marked to go under LSD. That meant south in the park. So, why go over to the park. Just go south. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is sweeping trail for me. Damn. We finally converged where there was another tunnel under LSD. Even SnatchSquatch said when he arrived at the check by the Harbor Shit House, I'm heading inland, trail or no trail. But Lower Wackoff goes back to mark the trail for me. Making me feel guilty for short cutting. Damn. Anyway, I told him I'm out of it today and just go on. Don't worry about marking for me today. And we run inland and up the back alley behind Halsted and finally back to Halsted and that was the last I saw of LW. I've had it and I'm heading on in. I knew where the trail went on in, because I saw the hare finishing up on trail. Meanwhile LW goes on West again and finally back again before heading north and ON IN. The  pack was whole and we held a short circle. And then it was on out. I got offered a ride from the hare and I took it. Thanks Back Door Bizzle. On Out.
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Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #415. Silent But Deadly hared from Rite Liquors for a pack of 10 hounds. Actually Soul Taco was supposed to co hare and showed up late. So she ran the trail trying to catch up. Still recovering from eye surgery, I just walked the course and quickly fell way behind. Our first Check was at the big intersection of Ashland, Division and the hare had everyone fooled on that one. But they were soon off to the east and then south and I never saw them again. Lower Wackoff was still in site for about a half mile until I lost him on the foot bridge at Augusta. And damn, the hare really got everyone on that. The return trail was right across the street. And apparently I was there a little to soon to catch that great short cut. So I'm off and walking as fast as these old pegs will carry me. Most of the marks were swept, but still often predictable. Hey, if you do enough trails in that area, they can get predictable. Except the one Lower Wackoff missed. And suddenly I was ahead of him. But he caught me at Chicago and Ashland and was soon gone. Heading west, this was now an ON Home part of the trail and it finished in the alley by the bar. Except for me. There was a note that they ran from the cold and are in the bar. Wait until this weeks hashes. Anyhow I got there just as they were about to start a circle around the pool table. Back to pre Covid stuff as the circle was longer then what we have seen of late and some good songs. On Out
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Thu, Nov 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #961, Ritlan Cum Bubble hared from Atlantic Bar & Grill. Five hounds. And I was going to try and run this one. I can't miss two weeks, it shows and my running slows and it is slow enough as it is. But I'm off following the pack. And then my flashlight blinks out. Damn. It took about three or four blocks before I got it going. By then they are out of sight. Some marks were swept  and so I moved on. Then I hit a Check at Lawrence. Not swept. So I range west to Western. Nothing. So I go for the big sweep counterclockwise looking for marks and a few blocks later I pick up on trail. And I'm off. As off as I can get. And the marks weren't swept. But I picked right until a Trip split. Wrong so after a block I sweep to the west and suddenly I here whistles. I had ranged ahead of the pack and now they were catching up in the adjacent alley. Bingo, I lead the pack for a hundred feet. And a Split. I headed north and SnatchSquatch was right behind me, ahead of me and then gone. But I couldn't find a mark. Were did he go. Gone. At the point of the Split, the trail was going the way I went or a big loop around tracks and the river and bridges, etc. So, as slow as I'm going, I ranged west on Lawrence to the bridge and a big loop of going no where near the trail. The trail had actually just gone one block south at that Split and cross the street and back north. So, while I'm running around parks and alleys and such, the pack ran into the hares back yard and were drinking beer. Shit. Hate when that happens, but I needed a run. Went back to the bar twice and tried to find marks by his house(?). Finally found it and there was a note that they just left. Right. And back at the bar we held a short circle and managed to meet our virgin. Just Chase. Welcome. Also there were North Bangher Alley and Sleepy Num Nums. On Out
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Sat. Nov 12, 2022. The Big Dog Hash #217. Lower Wackoff hared from Miller Meadows South Forest Preserve. Small pack and I got halfway there on a two hour planned journey by CTA before I turned back because of Construction delays. Attendance was five hounds. Back Door Bizzle, False Advertising and Chicken Stifer at the start and Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muff came late.Then because of the early start, Lower Wackoff couldn't sweep as he had to set the beer stop. Ooops. and then someone picked up on an On Back trail and they ran straight to the beer stop. 1.9 miles.
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Sun. Nov 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. All Bush No Balls and Prince Guy Ho hared from a last minute location, Magee's. Nineteen hounds on a nice day. Trail headed south in the alley under the El. And I was near the front. I ended up last as they quickly passed me and I was left following Lower Wackoff until I couldn't keep up with him. And Zone 2 who was following me, short cut back to the finish. A close to the bar circle counter clockwise. 3/4 mile north and south and 3/4 mile east and west. That would make it about 3 miles. Most marks were swept or I could see someone ahead. After the hash we had a private room for our circle. North Bangher Alley and Bottom Wrangler led circle. We had two visitors, from San Francisco. Just Get It Over With and Vagina Dentata. And a virgin, Just Scott. Welcome. After circle the party ran on and on. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #300. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared a Halloween Hash from Skinner Park for three hounds and one wanna be. Bring on the stretcher for that old fart. And yeah, the hares were in costume. From some movie. BSF The Grand Moonie looked absolutely lovely as one combatant. MIH, The Grand Crack looked, well, her costume was dark and in the dark it didn't show up as much. Sneaky wench. Lower Wackoff wore yellow pants with flames all over. Was it pants on fire or a flaming pumpkin. We also met on trail, twin Pinatas. One with legs and one without. Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist. That leaves one other wanker, The Grand Bush, Horn-E. Couldn't run due to a recent surgery, but had to costume up anyway. Somewhat. He wore some woman's Hawaiian shorts. These where so loud even Horn-E could hear them without his hearing aids. So that was us. And LW took off on trail. Horn-E walked with the hares for an impromptu beer stop. A great spot in a hidden alley. And the pack finally gathered. After a beer, they were off again. Stay together. Nah. At a Check LW blew his whistle and CDA and CRM both took off on different directions on a Split and never found trail. They finally came on in to the finishing beer stop through a tunnel of lights. And about 45 minutes and 8.2 miles later, LW finally came on in. The only one who did the whoile trail. FRB & DFL. We held a short circle with good, damn good, beers, in a little garden area in the park, and were soon off. On Out
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Tue, Nov 1, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. False Advertising laid trail from Chipp Inn. Another large pack for this four mile trail. And so I heard. Just Laura was the FBI. That is First Bitch In. Lower Wackoff short cut all over the place and still did 4 miles. WTF. He never short cuts. Was it that hard? Well, Lifa did the trail and logged 7.2 miles. And finally they regrouped and held a circle that lasted way past the stop time. Because it took so long to finish, they started way past the start time. Since I was only going to walk the course, It sounded like a good one for this old fart to sit out. On Out
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Thu, Nov 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Magee's. We had a six pack of hounds at the start and only five at the finish. Just Greg, are you out there. This write up is for you.
North Bangher Alley, Sleepy Num Nums, Garmin and Brother Incisor finally arrived. They were not kind about that trail. I'm glad I just walked to the beer stop with the hare. And the other Hash Groupies. The beer stop was in a great loft apartment on the 6th floor. There were seventeen security doors to go through to get to their unit. And you needed their phone number to get the secret codes to get past the doors, gates draw bridges and moats to get to the Keep in the southeast corner. Great view. But that doesn't help if you didn't have the secret code. And we waited for the last two hounds to make it. Finally SnatchSuatch arrived. He hadn't seen a hound since the first Split. He thought you were ahead of him. Heard whistles, but that could have just been the whistles from life guards at North Ave beach as gang bangers were dumping bodies from last weekends shoot outs. And he was bitching. Damn, it that old fart Horn-E was on trail you would have really heard some bitching. And that is only on hearsay. So we finally held circle. You can be glad to hear that we properly trashed the hare. at one point he got 12 down downs in a row. Good thing he lived there. Meanwhile more and more groupies arrived and it was damn crowded. And J, Greg, unfortunately you missed a great circle. Well, at least as good as those two bimbos good make it. Especially NBA in her practically nude tights. Hmmm Hmmm. And to the hare, it really wasn't that bad of a trail. Yeah sure. J. Greg, come on back. On Out
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Sun. Nov 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Chunder Pussy hared their annual Punkin Chunkin Hash for 18 hounds. Only this hound didn't make the start. So, only 17 hounds started out. And as best as I can figure, four never finished. Shopping and short cutting and such. As for myself, you don't want to hear another bad CTA story. But waiting for about 40 minutes in front of Wrigley watching tourists taking 147 different pictures of an old building is not my way of spending the day. And the bus ride was even worse. Like rush hour. Standing room only, wheel chairs, walkers, shopping bags, a woman giving birth, twice. That was a long ride. As as I arrived, the hare was just driving out to the beer stop, so I joined him. And the pack finally arrived. Then they went punkin shopping. and we went to the park for the Punkin Chunkin. And there were they usual misses and people that couldn't get the hang of the sling shot. But SnatchSquatch launched a few really long ones. All right, they were kiddy punkins. The hares kids also gave quite a few shots and they got the hang of it. Both kids were launched like Texas Leagers. I mean they both launched several shots out of the ball park. It was like a Run Home Derby for the kids. They finally launched the large rotting pumpkins until the infield looked like yellow and orange mud.  Back to the back yard, and with good weather, a circle led by Back Door Bizzle. We met the virgins, Darryl, brother Darryl and the other brother Darryl. Or was it Brian, Brian and Jeb. After circle, we were treated to some good grub as usual at Back Pussy Chunder County abode. Then it was eat and run. Well, some of us stayed to eat the Halloween candy. I finally got a ride part way home and was home in less that an hour. On Out
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Now, go out and buy a Power Ball Ticket so we can have free hash cash forever and vote for None of the Above as often as possible
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed. Oct 26, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday, Hash. Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley hared from The Red Lion Pub. Wasn't there so I have no report.
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Thu, Oct 27, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Double Meter Beater hared from Langes, a nice neighborhood pub with no massive amounts of TVs everywhere you looked. A real dive bar. Great. This was the Zombie Hash. A Thirstday Hash tradition. Only a small pack. The fast hounds, Walking Penis and Sleepy Num Nums, the half fast Hounds, North Bangher Alley and Brother Incisor. And the dead last hound, Horn-E. Our hare had some Zombie make up on. Or was that the way he normally looks? And Horn-E was in costume. The way he normally looks, always in costume. Wolfman. We screwed up the first Split and that was the last I saw on Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley. Did they do it? Really, did they run trail? Meanwhile I saw the other two for a bit and soon it was just me following Brother Incisor and watching her take selfies of her last blind date. Lifa suddenly did appear on trail. Where did he come from? Late. That is what Horn-E does. I managed to stay on trail the whole way to the beer stop. Well, except for two times. That is what I get for following Brother Incisor. There was a shot stop by Graceland Cemetery. And then I copped a ride to the finish with the hare and carried the bags to the beer stop. Under the El tracks again. And again it is North Bangher Alley as R A. I wonder what she sounds like when we can actually hear her. But after a short circle, It was on home for me. Surgery the next morning. On Out
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Sun, Oct 30, The Chicago Hash, Guest write up by Coming Right Meow.
The CH3 Sunday hash went out from the Atlantic Bar on North Lincoln Ave. There were about a dozen hounds going off on a trail set by Ritalin Cum Bubble (dressed as  a beer) and Snatchsquatch (dressed as a slutty pirate). Many of the hounds were wearing costumes. Unfortunately, we lost Bloody Thighs right at the start.
All the hounds skipped the eagle portion of the trail and took the turkey trail to the first beer stop. It was here that we waited a long while for False Advertising (dressed up as a "Have you seen me" milk carton) to show up. Fortunately, he eventually appeared running trail backwards, missing his milk carton.
Also meeting up at the first beer stop was Garmin, dressed as Eyore, who apparently hadn't had enough fun running 50 miles the day before.
After the second beer stop, everyone decided that they'd ran enough and the group walked to the on in about a mile away at Ritalin Cum Bubbles' backyard, where Ritalin made a blazing fire. Just Gregory, dressed as a wizard, nearly caught himself on fire multiple times. Coming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist had to keep their distance from the bonfire as well since they were highly flammable piñatas. Fortunately, there was a doctor on site that could have helped resusitate any fire victims; Skull n Bone Her, a cardiologist in real life, was masquerading as an astronaut.
Big thank you to Ritalin Cum Bubbles' better half, Antique Load Show, for making delicious chili, bread and meatballs. Also a special mention for ...He's Still Limping's sister, who managed to run trail dressed as a boo-bee without flashing anyone.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Oct 20, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dot Dot Dot He's Still Limping and La Shartiste hared from Hooters for a Pink Dress Hash for charity. Two trails and two separate teams begging for cash. And only 6 hounds showed up. And reports were some weren't comfortable running around in such a small group begging for cash. But they did manage to raise over $500. I didn't run, but I brought a BIG bag of Hash Swag and sold over $100 worth and it all went to charity. The brave hounds included Cuming Right Meow who spent $30 on Shirts including a nice warm hooded sweat. Sleepy Num Nums spent $35. Other hounds included Garmin, Steps In Shit, Hobo Piss and Castro Dick Assist. Well done for such a small group. On Out
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Now, 2 suggestions. A charity event once a year in Chicago is a nice idea. But Thursday nights in Sep and Oct, in the dark really takes away from what it could be. Make it a Sep event on Sat, and pick a steady weekend date, that doesn't conflict with BH3 or BDH3. A steady date can get more people from out of town as it is consistent. Visitors can look forward to it.
My other thought is POP. Get a steady date that doesn't conflict with other hashes like the first Sat of Aug. Then with TH3 permission, take over Pink Dress and make that your Fri night Pre Lube. With all of the out of town visitors, and hashing while it is light out. You will make a lot more money and it would be a lot more fun for everybody. Or even do it on the Sat as your POP event. Imagine POP harrietts dressing the men before the hash. Possibilities.
I put the suggestions out there. Ignore me or think about it.
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Sun Oct 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash Garmin laid trail from Empirical Brewery with 12 hounds. Trail headed south to a quick Check Lifa was on that right away and I started to lead the second contingent in that direction. We headed down an alley and the whole pack passed me by as he kept going south. And then they were gone. It was finally just me, Back door Bizzel and 20 Dollar Butt Slut and most of the marks weren't swept. But mostly obvious. Along the southern part of the course we were passed by a late arriving visitor, Penis Fly Trap. And she quickly flew right past us. for a while we were sort of together and then we were back alone. We finally came in together at Winnemac park where Back Door Bizzel led is in circle and we welcomed out Penis Fly Trap and she sang us a song about tacos and burritos. Well done. And we welcomed the virgin Just Kinnier and then it was back to the brewery. And that is when I headed home. There were at least 30 to 40 people waiting in line to get a beer. And I can't even drink, So I moved on and On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Oct 10, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Horn-E laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake. I hoped for some Marathoners still in town from the marathon, but it was just a short trail for three hounds, Lifa, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. A little over a half hour trail and about 3.7 miles. Lifa was the FRB. Meat Inside Her found the first Check. At the second Check Meat Inside Her was Check Hanging as the two wankers went out to Check and they both found the third arrow at the same time. Both yelling ON ON. And Meat Inside Her is waving them on to find more. One had to be at a False. And it was Berts Special Friend. I love when a Check works so well. Anyhow west from there and eventually through Target and back to the start. Then we just had a short circle and hung out under the Full Moon for two hours before everyone finally left. Yeah, all three of them. On Out.
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Thu, Oct 13, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Sleepy Num Nums and Queef Latifa hared from Oz Park at the Tin Man. Horn-E and North Bangher Alley arrived just before the start. A pack of seven. Horn-E led across the street and into an alley and the whole pack passed him. What else is new. We came for a trail and well, trail? In two blocks we were at a Check. Naturally I went the wrong way and returned with Steps In Shit. Trail headed north one block and another Check at Lincoln Halsted. We saw a mark going through a closed gate. Circled around and no marks coming out. As we returned we heard Coming Right Meow yell On west on Fullerton. But no marks. Then Castro Dick Assist passed me. As we got to the El Tracks, a long block, there was an arrow coming from the other direction and heading south under the tracks. This was the On In. ON IN? WTF. The On In trail
 was within a block of the On Out trail at a Check. Ooops. Major rookie mistake. And the Pack was mow in Magee's after about a mile of trail. I waited longer for the bus then that trail took. Well there was no way we were going back out so it was circle under the El tracks and settle in to just drinking beer. Poor hashers. Others on trail were Walking Penis and Brother Incisor, On Out.
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Sat, Oct 15, 2022, The Bushman Hash, #209, Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. Small pack of four on a beautiful day. The trail went fairly straight west through the picnic areas and finally into the woods. A few short sections of woods and the trail finally headed south. The goal was a small patch of real high weeds we found a few months ago. Where they higher. After a short Back Check the trail headed into the weeds. Not really taller, but now flowering and thick. some were straight up, some leaning north and some south which made it really hard to get through that tangle. Marks every ten feet because that was as far as you could see. And in the middle was a fallen log. Checking. And the trail went towards the left and back over the rotting log and through the tall weeds. A short loop and a Check with three Falses to the north. Trail went south and a long run along the wide bike trail and narrow paths of more similar weeds.Finally across Irving Park under the bridge and a Check. Trail continued straight south and the next Check was just past were the local creek runs into the river. The true trail was straight east in the middle of the creek which at this point is dry and over fifty feet wide, and short weeds, and countless trees in the horizontal position to climb over. But Lifa is smarter that that. Although there are no marks, he keeps going south heading for the golf course. Now that was a massive gotcha. This is hashing. Follow the marks. And they were simple. Straight up stream for a hundred yards or more then exit to the north side of the creek and continue on the twisting path that parallels the creek. And that was the true trail straight to B. Well, there were two checks and they went straight. And yet, somehow Lifa comes On In first, followed by Chicken Stifer, False Advertising and finally Zone 2. The B was in the model plane airfield in the SE corner were the wind was less and the sun was warm. We held a short circle. False Advertising was bitching about not getting a bandanna yet. And it just so happened that I had one for him I made up that morning. He proudly stood there looking like a leader of the Proud Boys militia. And shortly after the pack was out. On Out
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Sun, Oct 16, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from Burning Bush Brewery. There were eleven hounds for this trail. It started out with a Check and Lifa, SnatchSquatch and myself headed east. Not ON so we circled north. And suddenly there were the marks. I'm trying to keep up. Lifa leads to the east and into an alley and a Check. By the time I get there they are gone. I head over to Western and there is Lifa two block to the south. Apparently he was now following SnatchSquatch. Though the front of Lane Campus and a Split. Well, we three know the area and head on to the south and through the hole in the fence and there is trail. Meanwhile the now following pack takes the Split to Western and then back to where I was. We head west towards the river and the wooded bike area. I was passed along here, but I find the trail through the woods and lead La Shartisie, Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley out of there. We are soon at a shot stop. I left there early and trail went over the pedestrian bridge over the river. I soon find the first Check and then a Split. I went the west, but not far enough. So I rounded the block to get to the other direction and naturally, no marks. So I ended up following a left and right trail to SnatchSquatch's house for a hi-jack beer stop coordinated with the hare. From here it was back to Horner Park and along the river path to a beer stop for circle. Unfortunately my drink was in the shag wagon back at the brewery. Damn. A short circle standing on a sewer cover of massive proportions. Deep Tunnel. Then back to the bar to hang out. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Oct 4, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Union Park. Thanks to the CTA I again was arriving late and running down the street at 7:01 when Steps In Shit ran by on trail. But I caught Liva at the start and gave him my run bag and he gave me a little short cut. Off and running, two blocks south I ran into Steps In Shit and I'm on trail. Short lived. Back Check and the rest of the pack was off on the right trail. I short cut to Grand and didn't see them so I headed west. Meanwhile Steps In Shit came out of an alley and headed east on Grand on the other side of the street. He saw me, but didn't yell out. A block later I saw False Advertising crossing Grand. So I'm back on trail and we head through that alley and back to a Check at Ogden. Well that is made and they are out of sight. We follow and it goes all the way to Chicago for a Check. I'm behind and I hear them yell On ON and head west on Chicago. So I dodge traffic and head through a little side street towards Chicago. I hear a whistle. But echoes. I thought it was further west, but it was across Chicago and out of sight on a False. The pack returns and finally finds trail east on Chicago. Meanwhile I think they are (echoes) to the west. Over the bridge on Chicago Ave and checking everywhere for marks. NUTTIN HONEY. I finally figured they went to the next bridge to the north and would come back to Chicago. Keep going down the rabbit hole, I head west checking every corner and alley. Finally at Ashland, not a mark in sight as the pack is over at Halsted and running a great trail down railroad tracks and such, I finally figure out what happened. Well, it is to fucking late now so I head south and to the start. Nothing. So I head to Skinner Park, another park often used for beer stops. Nothing. Returning I pass marks. Yes, MARKS. On the third mark it heads into an alley and I look down that long dark alley and no hashers in sight. They are all in a parking lot right next to me. I skip the alley and try to short cut around it. NAH. So I'm back at that last arrow and there is another arrow into that parking lot and now they are gone. Hey, you could have called out to me. But I soon find them at the start and all is good. Well, except for False Advertising who did a face plant on trail and was bleeding profusely from his knee. So he soon left. Hell, what's another concussion on the highway with all the drunks and gang bangers on that rode. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. After circle I found out there was a conflict with another running club on Marathon beer stop locations. So we had to make a last minute correction to accommodate that. On Out            l
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Thu, Oct 6, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Templestowe for an Octoberfest Hash. As usual, the CTA screwed me again and after three bus no shows I was still only at Damen and Montrose at 7:40 when I gave up and headed home. Don't know what happened besides a visiting hasher/marathoner showed up.
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Sat. Oct 8, 2022, The Big Dog Hash, False Advertising hared from Sunset Bridge Meadow . Well, the CTA again. The whole Red Line was shut down due to Police activity on the 63rd St station. But it was soon resolved and I was on my way with only missing one train and first hound to the start. But the pack soon assembled. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin just in time for the start. Back Door Bizzle got there ten minutes late and ran about 13 of the trail and won the award for the most briers on his clothes. And then there was Zone 2 and Chicken Stifer. We head into the woods on a side path and then into a short loop on small trails. F A gives us slower hounds a short cut and I'm soon off in front after a Split, Only I didn't see the flour mark. Flour does come in five pound bags and you are allowed to use the whole bag. I think he was saving it for Z 2 to go home and make more brownies. And I suppose that is after she launders your Big Dog Shirt you didn't wear. But I digress, A Check and I'm on the wrong course so I'm was behind as we had away from the river heading east. And another Check in a picnic grove. I never found the Check but I did find the first arrow. Unfortunately C S was already into the woods on the third arrow. So I led the rest into the woods and right on trail and into a huge mass of briers. I think I got most of them because the rest of the pack didn't have many. Anyway, I go wrong on a Split and on returning they are gone. So I range looking for those tiny little flour marks and find the infamous wall F A thought I was to old to climb. Bingo and I'm on Thatcher, but no marks. I wander right and soon find marks into city streets. I blow the first Check but then I'm ON and the second Check was a gimme. Then there was the impossible to cross North Ave and the Death March part of the trail. Suddenly C S is passing me and goes right at a check. So I went left and eventually found trail rounding the second corner. Through the church lot and past the Big Game and another Check. I went right, right, but not far enough. Damn. And soon I am joined by C S and M M. We check the other directions and find nothing. So C S goes right again, and a little further and we are on. This time into deep woods and the three of us worked the trail together trying to spot those tiny marks and distinguish them from sun spots. We parallel the tracks and trail finally goes up on the tracks and across the fading gay bridge. CS misses a mark over the tetanus wires and M M and Horn-E hold hands at the crawl over the rusty barb wire and to the final Check. And there in the distance is the finish. It was about 10 minutes later when S M finally hit that Check and we could see him in the distance.  Well done. S M found those marks alone. We held a short circle and ate some snacks and it was on home. On Out               .
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Sun. Oct 9, The Hashers of Chicago Marathon Beer Stop. Well thanks to a change of course and late notice and a conflict with another running club handing out beers and the final bull shit was getting to the last selection for a beer stop only to find the entire two block area we picked was set up for water and banana stop. I wandered looking for hashers and found NONE. WTF. So I head to Indiana and again wandered and found none. So I found a nice spot and started handing out beers. Eventually I was joined by Dick Hermonica and Just Gurjit. With three of us we created a lot more attention then by myself and the beer started to flow. But eventually they had to move on and I was alone again. But there definitely was a few very appreciative marathoners stopping by for a beer. The most noticeable was a lady who wasn't running, but remembered us from five years earlier. She was feeling pretty bad and her stomach was in an uproar. But she saw beer and ran up to us for a taste. Her stomach settled down and she was able to finish. Yes, we really do do good out there and are appreciated. The final beer I handed out was a hasher from out of town who was at the Th3 hash this week. Really appreciated the beer.
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Sun, Oct 9, The Chicago Hash, Steps In Shit hared from 35th St Green Line stop north entrance, for an A to B trail. Only three hounds showed up. Sleepy Num Nums, Bottom Wrangler and Pony Pounder who was over at the running club beer stop. By them I had it and headed home as they headed out on trail, ending with food and beer at Steps in Shit's house. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail
Tue, Sep 27, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff a last minute replacement Hare, laid trail from Hamlin Park. They had three hounds on trail including Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Shit T Situation. About a 4 mile trail with a nice beer stop on the riverwalk at Diversey. Circle was back at Hamlin Park.
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Wed, Sep 28, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. La Shartiste and North Bangher Alley hared from Sidetrack. No information on this hash
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Thu, Sep 29, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Ritilan Cum Bubble hared from the Atlantic Bar and Grill for 5 hounds. And with such a small pack, the hare still tried to kill off 20 % of the pack. More on that in the after tale. We took off to the east and I was soon on my own looking for trail. What else is new. Trail worked its way to the east and into Winnemac Park and then south to a shot stop. Don't tell me we are starting these back up again. More hashing, less stops and good checks. I digress. The pack was there, all four of them and ready to go when I ran past there. Trail headed west and just south of Lawrence. I lost them at a Check at Lincoln. Apparently it went south. I did. But I didn't see any marks. Circling back to Lincoln and Lawrence there was nothing there. So I ranged west a block and suddenly Brother Incisor pops out of a side street and heads across Lawrence. I'm back ON. Into parking lots there was a Check. I heard Stiffy 4 Stiffies yell out Triple Split so I headed there and found that mark. I watched him disappear to the north in an alley, but not On. So I headed west and it was difficult, and far, but I was finally On. Heading north I came to a Split and I bit on the finish being at his house and ran that damn whole long block for nothing. Meanwhile Brother Incisor and Anal Contradiction slipped past me at the Split and suddenly they were ahead of me at another Split and heading east and On IN. Damn, I was that close to being FRB and came in right after them. So we went for our shag and suddenly Cupcakes comes running up to us looking for SnatchSquatch's bag and then ran off. I later learned that after that last Check he was running near some scaffolding and whacked his head real bad and went down with a slight concussion. Okay, they are never slight. But he was off to the Emergency Room for a quick Check up. Okay now. So the rest of us held a quicky circle and soon headed on out. As for the trail. the marks were bright and bag and those that weren't marked were mostly predictable. Until that damn split at the end. On Out
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Sun, Oct 2, 2:00pm The Chicago Hash, Ritlan Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared, sort of. But blame it all on him. And since he circled the Sunday bar on the Thursday trail, he needed different marks. Big mistake. Red chalk. Hard to see unless right on them and harder in shadows. So, things did get fucked up. A lot. And we had one virgin, Just Drew, and one very new hasher, Just Laura and two visitors, Skinny Bitch and Mutt Fucker from Oregon. The first Check was at Lawrence and even I showed up on time before they found that one. The hare pointed north and the pack ran north two blocks without a mark. They were on the right side of the street. The marks were on the left side of the street and only for one block. Now here the pack got split. About five of us returned and found the trail. Meanwhile the pack milled around long enough for someone to roam far enough to find a mark heading east on the cross street. A section of trail that we that found the trail would get to later. A loop. But a short time later they were at a shot stop and myself, Back Door Bizzel and Lower Wackoff were just arriving as they took off. All right, predictable over to Montrose and over the bridge and back north fairly straight to Lawrence. And here the pack get fucked up again. Across from Lawrence and along the river is a strip park. And a Check. Not sure exactly what happened here, but I believe the pack headed north through the park and never found trail again. Eventually making their way to the hares house, lost. But someone marked that Check as true to the north. And A visitor and myself took the bait, ran the forest trail to the end, and no marks. And nothing on the bridge to the east. And at that point we were one hundred yards from the beer stop. Hey, we have to eventually cross the bridge. Or a bridge. So the two of us ventured north to Foster. Still no marks anywhere. We ranged back towards the hares house only to encounter some hashers heading to the Beer stop, across the river from where we first started out on this fiasco. And the winner was Lower Wackoff who found trail way back on Lawrence heading east on that bridge. Damn. And even that took him 20 minutes to finally stumble on the On In arrows with Ice Princess right behind him. WTF. A Fuck up. Back at the hares back yard we were soon in a cloud of smoke. A fire pit. Okay, warmer, but smoky. A short circle led by Brother Incisor and I was out of there. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 26, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartiste hared a nice little short trail from Parrot's for, get this, only 5 hounds. But we had great enthusiasm. Yeah. We finally had a Harriett running with us. Queen Latifah from Tucson. And she took off with Bottom Wrangler and Sleppy Num Nums leaving Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to never see them again until Horn-E spotted Queen Latifah a hundred yards from B and she took off in a dead sprint so as to beat that old man into the ground. The most exciting think on trail was Bottom Wrangler running down an alley and seeing some people parking a car in their garage, And one guy stood guard with a 44 Magnum protecting then in the dark, dark, (bull shit, brightly lit) alley. These yuppies are getting scared of their own shadows and Bottom Wranglers. Meanwhile L W and H followed a mostly sort of swept trail with a dip into Lincoln Park and then back into alleys and the Mean Streets of Chicago and De Paul area and such. We did have a little trouble with the little marks from the hare with a huge bag full of large peices of chalk. But it all finally led in a big clockwise loop to B at Sheffield and Wrightwood. We then walked back to Parrotts for some good beers, Octoberfest, and circle led by Bottom Wrangler and some on the spot, made up verses from Sleepy Num Nums. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 19, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess hared from Kasey's Tavern. We had a small back of hounds and soon took off to the north and west where the hare pulled some new stuff for us. We came to this one Split right near about 107 steps straight up and I was the only fool that did that. It had to go that way. Didn't it? Well, by the time I got back down they were heading towards the river where we went under a residential building, through their lobby and back towards the river. Then we headed towards the riverwalk and north to a Check. By the time I got there they were returning and we headed north on Wacker. Along here I was following Lower Wackoff and Bottom Wrangler as he was waiting to mark checks. I told him I would and they headed west and Suddenly Just Jess is calling from the north and I'm marking and ON. This would us through the loop where we finally caught False Advertising coming out of the subway underpass at Dearborn. Short cut. Mark that and move on. This took us zig zagging to an alley between State and Wabash and a Split. South through the alley and a parking lot where we are following Just Warren to a BN. South to a Cplit and I headed west after Lower Wackoff. False Advertising was in the lead and headed south. Wrong. A block later we entered a park and the beer stop. Just Warren won the hash and False Advertising, due to a bad decision came in DFL. The last shall be first and the first shall be last and so it was written and so it shall be done. We then held a short circle led by Bottom Wrangler. And somehow, the pack all stayed together most of the way. On Out
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Thu, Sep 22, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just Jess hared from OZ Park. I wasn't there and don't know what happened.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Sep 15, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and Mommy's Little Accident hared from Empirical Brewery. And we had a massive crowd. all four of us. And the three fastest proved it right off of the bat as SnatchSquatch, Walking Penis and Garmin took off leaving that old fart, Horn-E behind. The last I saw of them was about three blocks later at a Check as they followed walking Penis down an alley. I tried a short cut and they ended up going west at the T in the alley and were long gone. So, meanwhile I ran up Damen, knowing/guessing that they had to return that way in a narrow corridor. And there was a mark two blocks later. Around the Damen Bryn Mawr curve and heading east. I skipped the back check. I know there is no outlet there. And on east I go. A little trouble at the next Check as I missed an arrow in shadows but I'm right back on it. Then north on Ashland to another Check. Gotta be east and south on Clark and I was on again to Bryn Mawr. Heading east I missed the Split by the curb and went the wrong way. Returning I'm On again and finally came to a Triple Split in an alley. West. Wrong. Circling the block I head south and find an arrow coming from the east and I'm On again to an immediate Check. I got right on that one, down an alley to Foster and On In to the finish. And in that last block I heard whistles coming up behind me. FRB. Walking Penis followed by SnatchSquatch soon followed. Garmin was missing in action having stopped for food on trail. What? Beer stops aren't good enough. We held a quick circle in the little Metra parking lot by the tunnel and On Out. 
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Sat, Sep 17, 2022, The Bushman Hash #208. Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods. We had a visitor from Taiwan, Mushroom Lover, and I got back to the start in time to find him waiting. Soon the pack was assembled and chalk talk sent them off. Trail headed straight east and around the pool building and then north. I laid a Check at the entrance to the parking lot. Multiple directions available and I had a plan, but you take what the woods gives you and I'm off with only one trail from the Check. And the pack were right on that. So now a big loop on nice narrow path along the river with a Back Check and a Split along the way. This gets the pack to the underpass at Devon. And I got the bastards this time. Trail went under the bridge to a Check. First guess is over the bridge that led to a third mark that was a Split. And they fell for a loop under the bridge, over rocks (where the hare fell on his hairy ass and came up bleeding), and just far enough to catch a few to a False. So Chicken Stifer heads off in the other direction on that last Split. What should have been done. But he doesn't go far enough and almost the whole pack return to the Check where there is a hole in a fence and into the golf course. and they wander. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff figures that Chicken Stifer didn't go far enough and heads there and finds the trail. And off he goes, leading the pack. He said that was the longest he has lead the pack in a long time. Finally there is a large arrow pointing straight up a steep hill to Devon. Hands and knees climbing stuff. Then across the Devon Speedway playing Frogger. And off to the northeast in deep woods where I ran into tiny bugs constantly buzzing around my head and into my eyes. Lifa confirmed the location as they got to him also. I tried to get away while laying trail and finally found a path were I could try running away from the little bastards. I've encountered those before, but that was the worst and the trail suffered a little after that. Through the ravine area and over to a path along the river heading north. And this led to the bend in the river and nice trail along the river to the B. CS, and then Lifa and finally Back Door Bizzle. Where is LW and Mushroom Lover. LW never leaves trail and always keeps going. Well, just before B, LW mis directed Mushroom Lover and they headed to a short cut that put them in deep weeds and finally seeing us at the B. And then they had to crawl through the alligators in standing water, and then briars and thorns, bunnies and beaver and such to get to the B. Always follow trail. So the six of us got into a lively Bushman circle. Eventually CS took an early departure, but not before his usual song, and one finger salute to the hare. The rest of us drank on until we finished with Swing Low. Then Lifa got into the shag wagon and took off with the shag, from Horn-E and Mushroom Lover. We ran after him through heavy traffic and caught him at the light with BDB following and beeping his horn. Finally, LW gave myself and Mushroom Lover a ride to a free First Responder party with good sausages on a bun. And we watched as these old farts were falling down all over the place. NO, not Horn-E. And then we got a ride to the Edgebrook Station were Mushroom Lover could get a train north to his hotel, and I could get a bus home. And there I collapsed until I got stampeded by a herd of Charlie Horses. A last word from Mushroom Lover, "Hi Horn E, Yes, I do iron Bushman (3rd Saturday) on my heart. On On. " And On Out and I swear this is all true.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 22, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from the parking lot of Gompers Park for 7 hounds. And we took off through Gompers Park and on west and north of Foster through more park. Trail finally headed into some forest preserve and Staci's Niece found a Check. Now from here trail went south across Pulaski. Just Evelyn and Garmin were seen coming back from a Split to the west. Horn-E didn't believe it knowing the hare likes the woods in the dark. Bye Horn-E. Trail meanwhile went about two blocks south of Foster and then mostly straight east, past Pulaski for a few blocks before heading south through a little park and back west. A short loop and then west to the hole in the fence and the beer, back in Gompers Park. Meanwhile Horn-E was off on a big loop just west and south of the real trail and just in time to catch the sweep hare as trail headed north on that last loop. So, all was good. Circle also included Berts Special Friend, Lifa and Double Meter Beater. On Out
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Thu, Aug 25, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Coming Right Meow hared from Roosevelt Park for 8 hounds. We headed to the south under the usual tunnel and after a check and some splits got to a Check at the exit from a little park. I found the Check and got first choice. Bad news. I guessed she would swing the trail over to Grant Park. Nope. Trail went west a block and continued on south, through a check, where I again guessed wrong and headed east dragging along Lower Wackoff, and to another Check at 18th St. Well, at that point I know I am way behind now and with the hares tendency for long straights, I will never catch up. But all is not lost. I see Castro Dick Assist heading west. I follow and eventually Lower Wackoff also followed. We headed over the 18th St. bridge to Canal for a quick regroup between us. Little did we know that the beer stop would be 3 miles north west of us. But we head north with LW leading, Horn-E in the middle and CDA walking behind. About three blocks later I felt the first rain drops. Within a block it was heavy rain and not a doorway or any shelter in sight on to maybe Roosevelt. A Galaxy Far Far Away. A looked back and saw a Jewel Supermarket. Ran like hell for the edge of the building only to realize that the eight foot iron fence didn't have a gate there and it was really pouring down. So there I stood by the edge of the building like a shadow plastered against the wall. Not in the down pour, but still in rain. When the rain stopped, CDA and LW came back looking for me. Then the three of us worked our way to Roosevelt and across the bridge and back to the start. We did make contact with the rest of the pack. They got nailed by the rain about Wells and Van Buren and found shelter in a doorway with the rest of the area rats. Then when it stopped they called the hare and went to the beer stop on North Wabash. It was over a half hour before they left there and returned to the start. With a cart full of beer. And then we got into the center of the park and held a very lively circle with even a few long songs and had a good time. The hare was enjoying some of the songs so much she almost laughed her tits off. Unfortuantely, it was now getting real late and we all headed on out. Others included SnatchSquatch, La Shartisie, Walking Penis, now area hasher Dot Dot Dot something or other and a visitor Lumber Jack Off. On Out  
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 15, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler laid trail for eight hounds and one late cumer, Horn-E,  from Sewerd Park, at Orleans and Division. I got there late and couldn't find the start, but found some ON IN marks. So I decided to follow the trail backwards. This was the most difficult time I ever spent following a trail backwards. Almost none of the arrow showed a turn and not all arrows were directly sourced from another mark, but I ran about two miles trying to follow trail for about a mile to Elm and State were I finally heard whistles. And suddenly a visitor, Just David, came out of an alley behind me, where I looked and didn't see an arrow. Apparently the trail got over to the North Avenue beach area and running in the dark and missing arrows and guessing a lot. So I was now following Just David and Snatchsquatch to a weird mark at Dearborm. I thought it was some sort of back check, but not. It was a group hug check. And suddenly two big sweaty bodies are hugging me. Then they ran off in the wrong directions and Lifa came along and followed the right direction. I know. I just followed it backwards. So I followed him to a beer stop and the Hare. The pack slowly gathered. Really slowly. False Advertising, then another visitor Snitchy Ho from Boston and Lower Wackoff and Just Evelyn and Crotch Fire. Pack is whole and we walked back to the start for a circle finishing off with Limericks. Great. Better then that lame "Last Down down".   
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Thu, Aug 18, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. The Dark Kunt hare from the Corinthian Yacht Club for a premiminary hash to the Power of the Pussy weekend. Again late, I was heading there when Bottom Wrangler came running at me on a False from a Check, with North Bangher Alley following. She can run. Trail was finally found heading south along the lakefront and along the golf course. At the end of the Golf Course was a four way Split. The right one was marked wrong. The straight west one was marked on. But I never found it. Apparently the trail did go right and over towards the exit from the park at Irving Park. Meanwhile I headed to the tunnel under lake Shore Drive. NO marks. So, trail went south and in some wide loop I'll never find, or north to Irving Park. Whoopie. I'm on trail again. After a bit the trail headed west. I stayed my course and a few blocks later the pack came back to Marine Dr. and I was there for the rear of the pack and saw SnatchSquatch heading west. Hey. wrong way. Heading north I was soon at a shot stop just past Montrose. I counted about 12 or 14 hounds, many I didn't know. Then we were off on a loop to Lawrence, into the park, past the hill and near the lakefront as it finally went around the western edge of the bird sanctuary to a beer stop. I managed to find part of that with Hooch B4 Cooch and then after another Check I found some marks in the dark along the lake. Then a bunch of hashers from who knows where, were yelling On for the finish. As we stood around drinking, I heard some hounds talking about all of the meat on trail at the end. Well, not meat, protein. Bugs. And all the bugs we swallowed. I got three and one up my nose. Then a short chaotic circle. I waited for the POP announcements for POP and they barely seemed to know what was happening on Fri night. Don't remember them saying anything else about POP so I finally tried to get in an announcement for the Bushman. Hey, there just might be someone there that can't do POP, but might want to run in the woods. After all, this is a TH3 hash and not a CH3 hash. Don't know what that was about but the R. A.s finally recognized me among all of the shouting. Then it was over to the Yacht Club for more beer and hanging out. Managed a short conversation with a hasher from Summitt Hash, Mr. Jackson and Papoose. Then it was On Out
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Sat, Aug 20, 2022, The Bushman Hash (The Greatest Hash) #207. Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul Woods. As Lifa suggested the term, I'm calling this one The Power of the Bush Hash. And it took some real power to lay this trail and run it. This might be why so many Harriets won't venture out to the Bush. It isn't the balls, but the legs scratches, burrs and the adversity that the woods offers and demands. I missed my train and had to take an alternate way out to the woods. So the original plans were shortened and redirected. Straight south into the woods and what is usually knee deep at most prairie grasses and such, and then some wet lands. Nope. Waist deep grasses and the normal wetlands weren't. Just a lot of dead logs under a canopy of trees. One gravel path and a False and another path with a Split to a False that caught Lower Wackoff good. This is were he lost the two other hounds. Worked this towards the far east end and a little gully with some water. As I headed down a sleep slope I grabbed a branch, but couldn't hold on and was flat on the ground staring at water with a flour covered face. Shit happens. Knees weren't too scratched so I move on. Some nice woods and then a road and a Check. The left two Falses went towards this pond scum covered swamp or slough. The third one went straight across the road and towards a gully with water. Not. Fourth trail was ON and to a different part of that gully and a water crossing. Then heading left. I focused on a huge dead tree across a field of prairie grasses that didn't look to tall. Well, they were mid thigh and then I found myself surrounded by razor grasses. I had to move on and did, trying to stomp down the razor grass and the burrs and finding a way out. This led to a short quick run along the road and into the woods again for a relative open running area as I kept looking for a good spot to get down to the river's edge where there is a known nice path to run along. I finally see the rivers edge and head there. Of Shit. Did I step in shit, Or at least weeds that were new to me. The former path, and we just ran through this area two months ago, was virtually non existent. Really. I could barely see possible ways through these weeds which looked ten or twelve feet high in sections and wide spreading testicles all around me. I did touch one, and there was only one, that stung the hell on my hands. Tried to stomp that one out. Fortunately I had TP with me and ventured forth. Like every five feet I needed a mark as it was that thick. I finally headed inland as this was getting to bad. I found myself heading up to a known path above the river and then back down again to rivers edge. And again, those tall weeds. I again headed upland again. There is another section of tall weeds and backed by a wall of thin trees bunched together and almost impassable. More TP and a zig zag course through the trees in flour and then up hill. More waist deep prairie grasses. I finally came out to a picnic area. Relief. But short lived. Still too far to the finish so a quick Check and back into the woods. This area wasn't to bad and those high weeds were fewer and more spread out and able to get through them. I was finally able to give the hounds a running area and this eventually got back to the rivers edge were there was the running path I was seeking for so damn long. On in, I found four cars there. And a note that there were three hounds on trail. Who? Lifa. Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. But who was the fourth car. So I headed to that picnic area I came out at I was concerned about Back Door Bizzle running with $20 Butt Slut through those weeds. And just then Lifa appears. Apparently the third hound was Chicken Stifer and they didn't know about Back Door Bizzle. Back at the start we waited and finally Back Door Bizzle came on in covered in burrs with a smiling $20 Butt Slut. All was good. Beer was consumed and a circle was held. The hare was trashed as he would have been. But Back Door Bizzle was able to confirm that those high weeds weren't there 2 months ago at BH3 205. I was still trashed. Then after Lower Wackoff announced his 28th year of hashing. So it was time to give him his Bushman Hash T-Shirt. Now there are four of us. Welcome to the Silverbacks. Over the next few months, there might be a few more awards. It may be you if you are a "long time loyal" Bushman Hasher. Then circle ended and Chicken Stifer left. Lifa brought out his grill for a few quick dogs. And we could all go home, satisfied that the Power of the Bushman will conquer any bush we encounter. Cars that start is another story. Back Door Bizzle offered me a ride home, and then his car wouldn't start. Don't you hate when that happens. He finally called for a tow and they would give him a ride with the dog. But that wouldn't leave room for me in the cab of the tow truck. So I headed to the train with 15 minutes to spare. About ten minutes later I heard a horn honking. He finally got the car started, canceled the tow and we road home. Alls well that ends well. On Out.
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Sun, Aug 21, 2022, Noon? Yeah, forget that. It was after 2:00 when we headed out, eight of us and two live hares, Cuming Right Meow and Soul Taco. This was supposed to be a hangover hash from their POP weekend with an early start so visitors could hash and then head out. Or so I thought. The Chicago Hash. 1872 N. Clybourn for a Rag Time sort of hash. An added plus would be able to watch The Navy's Blue Angels perform from a new unique location. Well, we had a nice short hash with nice Splits and Checks and such through DePaul and over to Magees for a beer stop. And while we were inside, we missed the Blue Angles, what ever they did with the cloud cover. Then Brother Incisor took chalk and ran a live trail back to the start. Again, nice. And we got back to that great roof Deck to see about two passes of the Blue Angles in formation and that was it. Good laid back party, Brother Incisor led circle, and good food, champaign and left over booze. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 8, 2022, The Chicago Hash. The Hare Raiser finally got Stiffey 4 Stiffies to stand up and hare at the last minute and we met at Driftwood Inn. We had 7 trail hounds. After a tricky start where the hounds caught all of his tricks, we finally headed south under the El Tracks and at Buena we had a Check. The pack struggled here and I finally followed Brother Incisor further south under the tracks. We weren't on. At Irving Park she disappeared. I found trail heading west and at Clark Stacy's Neice and J. Hannah caught up. And there was a Check. I headed south and stumbled on marks two blocks south. From here I led for a mile or so through Checks and Back Checks and Splits until Lifa, J. Hannah and Brother Incisor caught up. But I missed the best part of the trail. Apparently Lifa and (?) followed trail into a dead end parking area. There was some indistinguishable marks half washed out next to a parked car. That would be a Back Check. And that is when the frantic woman ran out in a panic and to protect her car. WTF. Yeah, our marks did it again. Actually she broke up with her boyfriend the night before and she thought those marks pointed out her car for some saboteur. Damn domestic terrorists. So the hashers tried to pick her up, (Hey, she's available), before calming her down and reassuring her that all was okay and then they ran like hell to get away before the cops showed up. And like I said, three caught up to me eventually and we followed some streets and Checks through the neighborhood before ending at the Stiffy 4 Stiffies castle for beer and ice cream. And we waited and waited for the three rattled hounds that got lost or ran off in a panic and finally regrouped and tried to find there way on in. That would be the DFL brigade of Stacies Niece, Anal Contridiction and Hot Mess Bench Press. And all was good. On Out
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Wed, Aug 10, 2022,The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid this mess from Warren Park and the first thing is a message for Horn-E. Get a fucking watch. The out time is 7:30 not 7:55 when you hauled your old sorry ass back to the start. By then Berts Special Friend used his authority as the Grand Moonie to get the pack out on trail. And it was him and Meat Inside Her and J. Gregory. And that old fart tried to catch them and we know that didn't happen. So he met them midway. Meanwhile they went on a tour of Pakistan or west on Devon from Western. Now you know what a trail through city streets in Pakistan would be like. Only worse. Trail then went north and west through city streets with the usual array of shitty Checks laid by the hare. Actually that is a real boring area to lay trail and so, shitty checks are really necessary. Meanwhile they soon came back to Pakistan for a few more blocks of another world before heading south and a few loops. This is where the hare met them and was able to give J. Greg a short cut to avoid some loops. From there it was the easy part and they all missed it and lost trail at a real easy Back Check. And J. Greg came in first, followed by MIH and BSF. We then settled into some bleachers for a laid back circle and some beer all under a real bright Super Moon. Nice laid back time. On Out
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Thu, Aug 11, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Brother Incisor set up a beer mile, not a hash, and I'm sure everyone got throughly pissed. Well, isn't that the point of a beer mile.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Jul 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Garmin and Just Pat hared from Koval Distillary. Missed this one, but I heard about 6 Hounds in attendance. I knew the address and still went to the old location. WTF. Get this old fart a brain transplant.
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Thu, Jul 28, 2022,The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared the Running of the Bulls Hash from the Double Bubble. Another low turnout. Just 3 hounds, showed so the running of the Bulls was canceled and just a regular Hash and outdoor circle.
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Fri Jul 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from Little Joe's with only three hounds again. WTF
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Mon, Aug 1, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartisie hared from Horner Park at the SW corner. Unfortunately due to some mixup and what was posted on the Web Site, three of us ended up at the NW corner. By the time it was figured out, Walking Penis left and Horn-E and Lower Wackoff headed to the real start, way after the pack left. I was walking due to Medical reasons and yet I managed to stay close to Lower Wackoff as we navigated the trail. As I was walking, I circled back when we hit Addison and the Target mall. Back at the start I wandered all around the south end of the park with no marks or finish anywhere. Back into city streets and not a mark in sight. Finally at Montrose I was heading east and to the park for a last minute check at the park and the river and damn, there were marks. And the beer stop was at the base of the hill and a big pack. LW came in a few minutes later. A big pack for once swelled due to out of town visitors and those passing through. After we wandered over to the Montrose Saloon and their beer garden.
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Tue, Aug 2, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her hared from the Slide Bar at 939 S. Western. Walking Penis, SnatchSquatch, Lifa, Lower Wackoff were four running hounds and Horn-E walked and short cut here and there and managed to keep the pack or some of the pack in sight over and over. Trail started to the south and then west as we circled counterclockwise and through the hospital zone, and past the hare Hutch before settling into a little park for a beer stop and circle and all was good.
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Thu, Aug 4, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa hared from Winnemac Park. Another small pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffies, SnatchSquatch, Brother Incisor and Double Meter Beater as running hounds and Horn-E still walking. And a quick loop in the park and the pack headed west. Meanwhile Horn-E headed north from the first check in the park. Damn echoes. I thought they blew a whistle to the north. Not. So I loop back and onto trail through the park. The hare did give me a hint on trail and the beer stop so heading south towards Wilson, I got there shortly before the pack arrived. Double Meter Beater leading and he headed further south. Must have been a False or something. But soon Brother Incisor is leading the pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffie wandering around. I think they somehow screwed up the Check here as SnatchSquatch was whining later about running were they didn't. Shit happens. But trail went east and past the tracks at Ravenswood. I headed north and found an arrow at Lawrence and suddenly the whole pack passed me in two blocks and we hit a beer stop in a little park along the tracks. And all was good. Back at the start the hare brought out a full cooler and with the damn beautiful weather we held a short circle and just hung out until the beer was gone and it was after 11:00pm Good time just hanging out. On Out.
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Sat. Aug 6, 2022, 2:00pm, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa hared from Palmer Square and we had a small pack with one visitor from Florida, Skank The Tank. I was finally going to try running again. Slow. We headed south and our first Check had us confused, 360 degrees, and it want east and then south and towards the 606 trail. I'm now following False Advertising and just ahead of Zone 2. Up onto the 606 and heading east. Just me and Zone 2. Alright, DFL again. Back down to ground level we headed south towards Humboldt park and at a Check, Double Meter Beater is just solving it. South and into the park. I follow. At the Park I can see Skank The Tank and La Shartsie running through the park. So I short cut and mark trail for Zone 2. She didn't follow. Apparently she was getting over heated and headed back to the start. So did False Advertising, but he found the On Back trail and found the beer stop. She found Pony Pounder also back at the start. So, back to those on trail. As I short cut through the park, I'm marking my short cut. Right to a Check. Double Meter Beater, Skank The Tank and La Shartise are working that Check. I yell out that I came in the wrong way, but didn't check that path. I'm going back. Well, On one, On two, On three, I'm yelling and blowing my whistle. No One follows. I find a back Check. I mark it. I run on and blowing my whistle I head north and out of the park. A Check. I work it alone. I run on and to the north and finally a Split. I choose north and the trail went east a block. Now, we all know how slow I am, and at this point I can't imagine why they haven't solved that Check and long since passed me. Or did they. So rather then going back I range a bit to the north and I'm about to head east at the next street when I hear a call from the beer stop. And I was just at the street that led into the beer stop. So I missed a few short blocks and I'm in. And only False Advertising is there with the hare. WTF. It I want back to that last Split and ran those last three blocks the right way I would have beer FRB. But instead I'm just the second SCB to beer. Fifteen minutes later La Shartsie comes on in the correct way. Everyone else was messaged and came walking in in reverse from the start. Quitters. Back at the start we held a short circle and then just hung out there until about 7:30, even in the heavy downpour, sun shower. Good time hanging out and I then put myself at the mercy of the CTA. It was 9:49 before I finally got a Damen Bus and after 10:30 before I got home. Almost three F*cking hours. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Jul 18, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Death By Bukake and Just Justice will hare from McGees for a dozen hounds. And the trail went west and then north and then east and then north, and on and on to Wrigley. Then over to Diversey and Sherican for a beer stop and on in. A total of 6 miles according to one sweaty hasher. But I will give the hare credit. As he zigged and zagged north he never went more then two blocks in the same direction. But back and forth and back and forth through a lot of Splits and one Check. Or so I was told. I know I only saw one before I gave up. Hadn't seen any other hasher in well over a mile and as it headed north again at Halsted, I headed south. I was really running shitty. Even for me. I did eventually pick up on trail after Fullerton and ran it on in. Got in just in time to get the shag bags from the shag shack and had them in circle as the FRBs arrived. North Bangher Alley took another shot at RA from where her career began, under the El tracks. WTF. Noisy Els again. After a short circle we got into naming Just Justice. After much deliberation he shall forever more be know as Shit T Situation. On Out
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Thu, Jul 21, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Dryrafoam will hare from Ronan Park, umless it isn't Ronan Park. And then it might be in River Park about three blocks north and across the river. And so the change was announced on the  Web site, at several places. Unfortunately I looked at the place were it wasn't updated. But I managed to find the start just in time and we took off with a small pack of five. And I quickly fell behind, only ahead of SnatchSquatch. And then he passed me at a Back Check and there I was, running alone again. After two blocks. But the trail was well marked and swept until I quit following the swept marks and just headed east trying to short cut the trail. And I did, finding marks a little over a half mile to B. and did a nice river walk to the On In. Here we held a laid back short circle and everyone headed On Out
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Mon, Jul 25, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Little Accident picked up his usual co hare, Gay Dancer and laid trail out of Clarendon Park. We had 9 hounds including a Harriett for once. Just Evelyn. Trail headed south and eventually over to the tunnel to Lincoln Park just south of Montrose. A Check here had me in back. What else is new. but I followed the pack to the north and towards the lake and another Check. I got to it just in time to mark the check and follow to the Harbor were False Advertising passed me. This went along the Harbor heading east and I got stopped by some guy in a long white beard. He was a runner and we talked and I tried t get him to come to a future hash. Of course now I am totally behind the pack. So as the pack did a loop around the bird sanctuary I short cut it and found marks by a beach side cafe. And as I ran on I was soon passed and followed the pack in a northward loop and then over to the bike path and on to a shelter at about 4500 north where the hares were waiting with beer. North Bangher Alley led our circle. So far so good. Now if we can just get her to start running with us again. Nice short circle and then the tall tales started until they ended and those that were left, left. On Out.
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The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Jul 9, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Mudsucker took the hash to territory where it has never gone before, Lansing Il. and The location is the Bottom Up Bar and Grill. Big plans, but it lost somethings in execution from this perspective. Trail was divided into 2 sections going past the bar between them. It might have been a lot more fun if we all stayed together as we got to the second section in the waist deep shiggy. Four people went for just the B part. And that included 3 virgins. They quit the trail in about 100 yards after realizing they would have to cross a bridge on a country road. No future hashers there. That left Back Door Bizzel taking on the shiggy alone with $20 Butt Slut. And just a steady stream of nothing but briars and thorns and such was going to be a bit much for the dog who does shiggy all the time. But that was just to deep and no ocasional path to run down. So he had to abandon the trail after several hundred yards of that stuff. All right, the rest of the pack now. We had 10 people on tha A part of the trail which was just a loop through a cemetery and some grassy area and a truck loading zone. Looked like it was laid by car. I was walking and found myself walking with Just Tookey and out of sight of everyone. We managed that okay, but something like this just stretches out a pack for what it was all about, the Shiggy to follow. So we finally head into the shiggy part. Red flour on trees. The pack of 6 ahead of us had an easier time trying to spot the flour on trees that were sometimes to far apart. We were two and my failing eyesight didn't help. And the marks looked like they were laid the day before. Just an opinion as the flour was hardeing as with dew and such. But we struggled on and on and on. Often just following the beaten path and sometimes just trying to find our way. It would have been more fun with the pack. but with no forest paths it was just a constant struggle. We finally came out to the road and no marks, but finally spotted a mark across the street and into more woods. Another couple of hundred yards of this and we came out at this lake where the Beer Stop was supposed to be. And not a mark anywhere and we looked. And of course the pack drank beer and just took off. WTF. Just Tookey really wanted a beer at tis point. We heard later it was warm. So we finally had to leave and guess which way to go. We got to the road and shortly Back Door Bizzle came by from a gas run and gave us a ride on in. And of course even the circle was over as they couldn't even wait for us for circle. Back Door Bizzle had to leave and so I just took off with him. It might be worth another try, but not the A part and stick around for the whole pack at the beer stop and circle. Others on trail, as memory serves me, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lifa from the north lands and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up, Necrophillac and Jack In The Box.
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Mon, Jul 11, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Ritinal Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared from Loafers. Didn't make it. But heard from Lower Wackoff was the only local regular hasher there. But about 6 other hounds, virgins and visitors. Where are the local hashers?
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Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from Ham Tree Inn. A nice LW trail with his usual nasty Checks and such that led to a beer stop in the woods after about 200 yards of trail in the woods in the dark. Anal Contradiction was the FRB to B and didn't know he had to find the B, in a deep hole. But Lifa finally arrived and found the B and Bingo and BooBee. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E were both injured and walked the whole trail, and almost kept up with the pack with those nasty Checks. Just Do Me Slowly and Stuffin Muffin were also there. That first Check was a real nasty Check that had the pack really spread out. But at the finish we headed into the bar and their beer garden for a few pitchers of beer and our circle. And all was good. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 14, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Dickens Cider hared from Wee Gees. Another trail I missed. But SnatchSquatch reported a fun trail and about 6 hounds, including Famming Flaggott and I don't know who else.
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Sat, Jul 16, 2022, 2:00PM. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E amd Back Door Bizzle laid trail from Horn-E woods at Cumberland and Irving Park. We had to park far away and seeing the crowds of team sports throughout the area, we decided to just tell the pack that the first mark was on the hill to the south. If you were ever there, you know that hill. And we short cut to the hill and started trail there with a check. But we were soon into some knee deep shiggy and scrittchy scratchy and wandering through open fields of this. Then we came to our big mistake. I may never go through this again in the summer. There is an emergency road into the woods. North of this is a section of woods that has had a growing infestation of thorn bushes. Well, once in, we couldn't get out. And we struggled. We finally forced our way out and hit that same road. We were aiming north to exit that thick section and got so turned around we came out to the south, WTF. And we didn't realize it. But we coon recovered and headed towards the river and a Check. We missed this whole section of really nice running woods off of Montrose. Damn. That was the goal. So at this check I looked for a path that used to head southeast from there. Another wall of sticker bushes, Impassable. So we skipped that part of the plan and headed south along the river. Finally we headed inland and into some nice running area in deep woods and then it wasn't. We were shoulder deep in tall weeds and could only see a tree in the distance to put flour on. Very high. But some fun stuff and no thorns and such. We got out of there and through some picnic areas and over to the underpass under Irving Park and another Check. True trail went along the river until a winding path straight east. Well, anyhow it went straight east until we headed straight south over the creek. More water guys, but shallow and narrow. From here we are now running late so it was straight east again and at the foot bridge we held a Check. Two trails out and both on until one wasn't and they were on opposite sides or the creek. But we struggled past more thorns bushes and finally our On In path. That led to a field of waist deep shiggy, but mostly soft grasses and there that bastard hare, Horn-E was sitting with about 12 foreign beers. And SnatchSquatch was the FRB followed by Walking Penis and Just Ron. Then came Lifa and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. But where is Scent Of A Man. Last seen at the Irving Park crssoing. And he is running lame with a torn Achillies Tendon. Finally Back Door Bizzle arrives with some more beer. And eventually Scent Of A Man. We held circle there, Bushman Style. and after three rounds we got into naming Just Ron. The story has to do with riding a bike and a collusion and his eye hitting the other bike. His dad said it was the peddle or peg. but whatever, it popped his eye out. Yeah, dangling from his head. And so forever more he will be known as Popeye Got Pegged. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
 



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Jun 29, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor hared from Delilahs with an assist from Hot Mess Bench Press for 7 hounds. We started south on Lincoln and then west and south and west and west and all the way to Damen. And I almost kept the pack in sight, but finally lost them before Ashland and Fullerton. Trail went over the bridge to Webster and then straight to that mentioned Damen and I didn't see a hasher anywhere. But the trail was mostly swept and I kept plunging on. Now heading east on this CCW trail as it worked its way to a park at Ashland and the end of the 606 trail for a short shot stop. And just as I arrived, I saw the pack leaving. And by the time I got to Cortland I could barely see the last runner heading east over the river. I plunged on and got to Clybourn and there was the last of the pack running off after solving a Check. And I get caught by the light and lost them again. But it was north and east through neighborhoods as the trail worked its way to Fullerton and Sheffield. The hare said 4 miles and by my calculations Jonquil Park would be exactly 4 miles. So as I run north I missed a turn and keep going to Jonquil Park and I can't see a soul in the dark. I really need that eye surgery soon. So I return looking for marks and the mark I missed was in the shadows. A turn to this alley heading north....to Jonquil Park. And there is the pack about to finish circle. But hell. I'm just slow. They don't have to wait for me. About 5 to 10 minutes later, everyone was gone. On Out.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from Lakeview Playground Park with an assist from  Urnestus(?). We had 13 hounds, Good lately. trail headed west and us slow bastards were almost able to keep them in sight until we hit Ashland. From here it was Horn-E, Coming Right Meow, Castro Dick Assist and Scent Of A Man. Trail worked its way through some neighborhoods and a park and then west on Diversey. We did a loop to the south and then Checking at Diversey and Damen. Trail went north to Hamlin Park and then we headed east. Except Horn-E. He headed down, doing a header on some of Chicago's shittiest concrete sidewalks. Knees, elbows, hands and head. Blood was gushing out everywhere. At least that was the reaction of Cumming Right Meow. Actually just a little blood and what turned into a black eye. And hell, as I type this a week later. I'm sitting with a swollen knee and an ice pack. WTF. It was just a freaking little booboo. But we walked in from there, to the start and a beer stop at the start. Then it was off to the Lincoln Lounge for circle. Short. Finally after getting called out for my trip to the head meets concrete, I was able to wash off the blood. Then with $20 pitchers the pack soon dissipated. On Out.
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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail from Sullys and we had an extremely fast pack. NOT. Well, maybe Lifa, SnatchSquatch, and Magnetic Muff are mid speed hashers. The rest of us cling to the back of the pack. And that was perfect for two virgins, J. Andria and J. Gregory. They were afraid of being left behind, but Lower Wackoff saved them and came in DFL while waiting for them. But being a slower pack, they were able to see the checking and such and get to enjoy the trail a little more. We did run the neighborhoods and messed up one Check. That is when a car drove by Stuffin Muffin who was following Horn-E. The guy said to Stuffin Muffin, "That is the fastest, oldest guy I've ever seen." And I wasn't even falling this time. Anyhow we covered the area, still together and we headed over to Division and Halsted and a Check. This went over the west bridge and then to the south. Where, we aren't sure. Trail ran up to a movie set where they were going to be filming some car crash scenes. Ooops. Can't go through here. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and I ended up on the other side of the movie scene and blocked. So as we ranged off, we saw SnatchSquatch running north and yelling about a movie scene and he headed into the north end of Goose Island. I followed and soon after the foot bridge we were at beer. There was also Lifa. And eventually the pack wandered in. And in, was along the river on a nice walkway. And we circled there for a nice Moon Hash circle and even the virgins got into the scene and told us they really like the hash. The Moon was up and kayakers were floating on by. What wasn't to like. But all good things have to end and after many tall tales it was soon on out.
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from Its Too Soft's roof deck. He hasn't been hashing for some time now, but he did open his roof top for us at the last minute. Thanks. We had 13 hounds for this trail and Lifa warned us about possibly running over the TH3 trail from a few days ago. So off we go to the west and north a bit and back through some alleys to Racine and Diversey. Tricky Check at the corner and the trail went backwards past the turn to the Check. So they were heading west and I was Checking east. Yeah, that works great. Then traffic lights and they were all gone. Then the trail went straight to the start of the old TH3 Trail. And On and On in a big CCW loop. A few things were swept a little funny and a missed turn after the third Check and now I'm really way behind. I finally hit a three way and went straight and was at Jonquil Park. I'm done. It is to freaking hot, I'm alone for some time now and I'm two blocks for the finish. I'm done and headed over to the roof deck. Five minutes later the pack came on in. Circle was held and all was going good and fun. Then they called out those that served in the military for a down down on Independence day weekend. Good. Then I called out Its Too Soft for not flying an American Flag. I was told I better get used to it. Not. This holiday was about the birth of America and not the special interests of a minority. I would think we would still be Americans first on this weekend. But we moved on. And after circle the famous Its Too Soft grill was lit up and we had some hot dogs, brats and salmon burgers. Well done Its Too Soft. Then it was hang out time and a bunch of us vets had a good bull shit session about the life of vets in and out. Then the pack slowly wandered off. On Out.
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meet Inside Her met in a bug infested little park with no name.,for a great trail for a great pack of hashers. Unfortunately there were only two hounds at the start, Lifa and Lower Wackoff. Horn-E showed up two minutes after the pack took off. The trail was the usual shitty trail set for a large pack. well, not really. It wasn't that hard and Horn-E soon caught Lower Wackoff, slipped past him at a Check and actually caught Lifa who was running in front and marking all the Splits and Checks. And then Lifa left Horn-E behind and Lower wackoff caught him at Halsted and they worked there way into the finish together. A short beer stop and a shorter Circle and we returned to the start. Here on a beautiful night we just hung around telling tall tales and many beers were consumed and we watched the transformation of lowly bugs into flying eating monsters. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 7. 2022. The Thirstday Hash. BiHoler laid trail from Dugans for a short trail for short and tall hashers alike. We had 11 hounds on trail and we headed east and over a bridge towards the loop. But after a check it was just a loop and the trail was soon heading back over the Expressway at Washington. Then over to Randolph where we ran around and through a stream of sidewalk cafes and such. The fastest runners were blazing the trail or off on Falses and there was a small pack following along. Yeah, myself. And the new transplant Harriet ...Hes Still Limping who was heard to say, "There is someone I can beat." Meaning Scent Of A Man running in his walking boot. He managed to stay in front of her the whole way. We also had two visitors in that back group, Minor Mouthful Queef and Fuck Children Get Cookies. The back pack also included Cuming Right Meow. I was barely hanging in and then at the last park and a Split, I managed to see SnatchSquatch and then Berts Special Friend  going around the park and followed and got ahead of the back pack and hung in to the beer stop. An interesting story after trail from Just Ron (He needs a name). He was on a False and back tracking when he heard two people having sex. He asked "Does this happen often." Not often enough. Three others on trail were False Advertising FRB, LIfa and Hooch B4 Cooch. After the beer stop we headed to the hares roof deck ten flights up and waited for beer to finally arrive. then we held a quick circle. Then a bunch of groupies showed up and tall tales and bull shit really started. And I was soon ON Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.  
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Wed, Jun 29, 2022, 7:00pm The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor will hare from Deliliahs at 2771 N. Lincoln.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation will hare from Lakeview Playground Park as 1300 W. Wolfram, $10 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com
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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, 7:00pm, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her will hare from Sullys Place at Blackhawk and Dayton, Just south of the North and Clybourn Red Line Stop. Parking is tough. Remember, this is the Black Socks Hash. $6 Hash Cash
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa will hare from Its Too Soft's roof deck at 933 W. Wolfram. Around back. Be sure to thank him for opening up his roof deck to the hash on this rush basis. $10 Hash Cash. ChicagoHash.com
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, 6:30pm, out at 7:00pm sharp, The 4X2H4 Hash, Berts Special Friend will hare out of
Aberdeen & Arthington, a park, and near the Field House.
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The Tale of the TrailX
Thu. Jun 23, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just James and Garmin laid trail from Brands park for 13 hounds. Yeah, another sausage fest. And within about two blocks they had their first screw up. They missed a Check mark and people came to a corner and just kept going straight. The pack finally returned when they ran out of marks on a long two block stretch, WTF. But trail was found to the west and we were soon off and running agin. And some of us in the back drifted further and further back while they front raced on and O. There were a few loops close enough for a short cut, but by then we were stretched out enough that we never saw those way in front. But trail was a big counterclockwise loop and eventually back to Belmont where the pack was hiding just over a wall and drinking beer. And three hounds actually came in after me. WTF. Then we walked back to the start where we held a very short circle and then SnatchSquatch then led us in a naming. That that one was fun and Just James was namedasdjkfg hell, I can't read my own writing. That lemon aid is getting to strong. Anus Contribution. Maybe. On Out                            
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Mon, Jun 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Happy Ass Grabber will hare from Park 574 and we had 12 hounds including a Harriet Virgin and a visitor virgin. Scent Of A Man is in town with his son and he ran with us. Then got lost or at least we thought he was lost. Damn, you take your kid a thousand miles away, throw him into a big city get toe and damn if he still finds his way back. Hey, he might grow up into a hell of a hasher. Anyway I believe the Harriett was Just Katy, but you know I can't hear and I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Yeah, a pretty single lady. No way they are going to let this dirty old man meet her. And as for SOAM the Younger, I also didn't get a chance to meet him. I believe I heard Just Ron. How about Run Ron Run. Now for the trail. Just after they took off, I arrived and saw the sweep heading west with Scent Of A Man. I caught up and he grabbed my shag bag and pointed us in the direction of a short cut. And we missed the urban farm. Sheep, goats, chickens and a donkey and an elephant. Wait, those last two were political signs. Then a back check that would lead to a foot bridge over the highway. Would have been great but Horn-E and Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed straight there. Anyway we quickly regrouped and the FRBs ran by and into waist deep shiggy. Nasty weeds and such for a couple of hundred yards. Then the hare directed us into another short cut and he didn't remember where he laid trail. And Lower Wackoff got caught on the first Check and was way behind and in need of these short cuts. But we ran on and eventualy regrouped. Then more nasty shiggy and tracks and such around this hill we have run up way in the past. Coming out of this we headed south to something street about 11teenth south. Again he wanted to give us a short cut, but we decided to follow trail, Bad mistake. He pointed us south and for two blocks we were good. Then a turn across the street and west that went no where. So I headed south and got as fat as 15teenth St. and no marks. Now I'm way behind and heading back to 11teenth St and that short cut so I can catch up. Somewhat. This headed west and into a park. People everywhere hanging out around parked cars. But no beer stop. So I ran around the car blocking the path and through the smell of strong weed and on into the park. Finally heading north, a few cars suddenly drove up and almost blocked that path and guys piled out of the cars. I run on through as I'm trying to blaze a trail through this trail for the following Chief Runs On Club Foot. The Scent Of A Man. We finally get through the park and start walking together. Probably/possibly dead fucking last. We walk on and on and over the expressway and further north and suddenly I see an angled street. Hey, Happy Ass Grabber lives near here. And trail goes straight to his house where Lifa and Happy Ass Grabber were just coming out wondering where the hell we were. His son is missing and so is Lower Wackoff. So Happy Ass Grabber and Scent of a Man get into a car and franticly ride out looking for One Lost Son Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. And Lower Wackoff just arrives in time for a beer/roady and we all head back to the start. And right after we take off, Ball Cock Dumper runs into One Lost Son Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. All is good and we are all in. Except now the hare and Chief Runs On Club Foot are riding off into the sunset or something like that as they drive all over the area. And no cell connection available. Hell, we finally got through to them and they came in and got their due in down downs in the circle. And then all was good and some headed to a bar and some headed home to howl at the moon at another hash. And I swear it is all truth. On Out. 
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Jun 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa hared from Senior Citizens Park at 2228 N. Oakley. The last time he laid trail from here it was cold and snowing and he had two hounds. This time it was steaming hot and he had ..... two hounds. But there was one on the way. Is it Lifa, the park, or doesn't anyone care about hashing anymore. So Lower Wackoff and Horn-E took off on trail and were joined by a streaking Stiffy 4 Stiffies about two blocks later. And then a Check and Horn-E was On for several twisting alleys before they caught him. From there on it was Lower Wackoff finding trail and Stiffy 4 Stiffies finding trail and all three Back Checks. But in all that heat we ran on and mostly were within sight of each other all the way. Then a Threeway. Stiffy 4 Stiffies went right. Wrong. Lower Wackoff went Straight, right and wrong. Horn-E went left and definetly wrong. But circling the block and back to this alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies yells Checking. And one, two, three, and Horn-E is On. FRB until Stiffiy 4 Stiffies zipped on by and into the Beer Stop in a local bar. With Air Conditioning. And a hare with cold pints waiting. Back at the start, the four of us had a long leisurely circle. On Out
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Thu. Jun 16, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch laid trail from Burming Bush Brewery at 4014 N. Rockwell. And Horn-E went to 4414 N. Rockwell. WTF. Is he senile. Not yet. Recovering I ran straight south and arrived after the pack was gone. But across the bridge and a Check and that damn pack was still stuck on that Check. The first place I would have looked is the last place they looked, just as I arrived. So. I'm with the pack and we went under Irving Park and then west on Irving Park. Back through park and to the south and the twisting foot bridge over the river. I'm with them  but constantly in catch up mode. We then ran over to a Check at Addison and Western. This led to the streets just NW of there and I finally find a short cut and I'm now running right behind Hobo Piss. We ran north to a park and the Beer stop and came in one, two and Snatchsquatech is sitting there with three groupies. A short time later the last three came running on in,Just James, Dryrafoam, and Just James. SnatchSquatch led circle and all was good. On Out
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Sat. Jun 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from St. Paul Woods. A beautiful day in the upped 60s. Perfect for trail. The woods were full of lush greenery and virtually Zero bugs. No skeeters. At the first must water crossing there was a baby beaver swimming around so I moved trail to the left. I then headed to Oakton to cross the river on a bridge, but I could have done a straight river crossing as the waster wasn't deep. Anyhow, trail went relatively straight north as it followed the river with a few twists. Hey, it is a hash. Finally the trail heads east along the river and to a B with an arrow pointing across the river. But there was a Split there and more trail in waist high lush greenery to the bike path and tracks and back around the dry way. Hey, the hounds get a choice for once. Over to the start and only SnatchSquatch sitting there. WTF. On such a beautiful day. About five minutes later Back Door Bizzle arrives and I send them off. The only rough part was after the river crossing where I had a check that stumped them for about ten minutes. And when they finally got to the B, SnatchSquatch opted for the long way and Back Door Bizzle hopped right into the river with $20 Butt Slut. And the nasty old hare was sitting on the edge of the bank with cold beer. Pilsner Urquell and Dab. European this time. We held a really laid back circle of random accusations until they had enough beer.
On the way out, Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. Twice. Almost home, he realized he didn't have his phone. He had put it on his car hood just before we pulled out. Damn. Race back and it is no where in sight. But there was a lady there and she called his number. Answered. She was a local in the area and talking a walk through the Forest Preserve, north to south. She was at the south end. Zooooom and we're there and he got his phone back. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 9, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and North Bangher Alley hared from 621 S. Plymouth Court, the residence of Ice Princess. Unfortunately he was in his apartment, asleep, and we couldn't get in. WTF. So we took off, 6 hounds and two that came along later. Trail went north and west at first. Suddenly the trail was straight south and eventually to the mall on Roosevelt on the bridge. By the time I got here, I was alone with Coming Right Meow. Trail then went over to Clark and continues straight south for several blocks. We then worked our way to the east and over to Michigan before heading straight north. A check at Roosevelt and we were now just walking and into a field of legs before heading west and to a park for a beer stop. After here we headed over to the Ice Castle in the sky, a rehabbed real nice deck about 47 stories up in the air, for a laid back circle as we were joined by some others. ON Out.
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Sat. Jun 11, 2022. The Big Dog Hash, SnatchSquatch hared for five hounds from Independence Park. We took off to the east and stretched out a bit, regrouping at Irving Park and Elston at a Check. This was found to the south and I eventually found another Check at an alley and entered the alley to Check it out. Then Chicken Stifer ran right by me. Hey, pick another direction. That is how it works. WTF. So I ranged instead. Eventually I got on trail and could see various hounds ahead and going around this park. I went straight and came to marks coming out of the park and followed them to a Check. Back Door Bizzel went North, CS went east and indicating he had marks down an alley. I was waiting for traffic to cross the street and Magnetic Muff was Check hanging. I found nothing and so I ranged west and eventually found marks just before the bridge over I 94. So I blew my whistle for MM and headed west. At the next Check, Avondale NW was to obvious and this was SnatchSquatech so I headed SE and found two marks. Shit. No third mark. When I returned the Check was marked NW. So i headed NW on Avondale and eventually saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies bright orange shirt and ran straight for Pulaski. There I joined up with MM and BDB and we worked the trail eventually up to a station and towards Irving Park. They had skipped a turn and there were no marks on Irving Park. So I played Frogger and ranged across the street. There were marks and I yelled to BDB. He and MM ran straight east and eventually found marks and MM was FRB and ON IN. Meanwhile I found more trail to the north and some damn hare trail that kept going where I didn't think that sneaky hare was going. I eventually finished the whole trail and came in DFL. We circled there in reverse Bushman manner and just hung out for another hour or so. On Out.            
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Mon Jun 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Po Po Pickup Game, J. Spencer and Garmin hared, from Metropolitan Brewery. I had the best luck ever with three buses that got me to Belmont and Western with zero waiting. Unfortunately, as I got off the bus in pouring rain, the bus drove off and the Tornado warning started. I rushed to a bus shelter. They aren't really good shelters so I stood in the shelter under my umbrella. A half hour later, after waiting and watching for a tornado that never came, I was able to head to the start. No hares and only two other hounds, Lower Wackoff and Lifa. The hares wanted to cancel. Hell No. The hash doesn't cancel over a few raindrops and some howling winds. So they finally showed up and set off on a live really simple trail. We were joined by J Pat for four hounds. After a head start we were off and running. Straight east to Western and a Check. J Pat found trail to the north, but we didn't hear him calling On and never saw him until the Beer Stop. Horn-E found that same trail, eventually, and we headed north. And another Check. Horn-E wandered east and north and eventually found another Check at Roscoe. Again a long whistle to Lower Wackoff and headed west to an immediate Check and a three way. WTF. Apparently two checks back, was supposed to go through this mall to here, then to that other Check on Western. I returned as Lower Wackoff arrived. Meanwhile Lifa going thorugh the mall so me head east at the three way Check, He headed north and found a short cut to trail. Meanwhile I was ranging east and then north when trail was found by Lower Wackoff to the north. So, from then on, we have no idea were the other two are, but it is Horn-E leading and Lower Wackoff following to Addison, over to the street before the river and south through a strip park to beer. Horn-E's whistle sort of worked, Lower Wackoff could hear it, but couldn't tell which direction it came from. Hell, it was loud enough to stop the soccer match, twice. At the beer stop we decided to circle and eventually named Just Spencer. He shall forever more be known as Stacys Neice. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 2, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Mommys Coming hared from Temple Stowe for a small pack of seven hounds. It was a short trail but it soon spread out due to a Check a block from the start that had the pack going everywhere but the right direction. It was a good check, but as it was, it spread us out. I found myself running parallel to the pack  heading north on Kedzie and soon the pack headed west. And I slowly fell behind. Good bye to SnatchSquatch, Dryrofoam, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Brother Incisor and Hot Mess Bench Press. That left me and Just Toki running and walking and way behind. I was n front and then behind and always seeming to go the wrong way. But I finally caught up to her just before the foot bridge north of Lawrence and west of Kimball. From then on we walked and talked and reacquainted ourselves. And on towards the University, but not through it. And we slowly worked our way east and then through some park by the river and north over Lawrence and eventually on in to the Snatch Garage for a beer stop and circle. This was led by Brother Incisor. After that we headed back to the bar for some social time. On Out.
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Mon Jun 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck was supposed to hare and I got a late message after my posting on here. Foster, just west and north on Lake Shore Drive for an A to B hash. Then I found on the CH3 web site that it would be hared by Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer. Okay. I planned on coming, but a medical procedure left me unable to run that night. Opps. Shit happens. Then the next night I heard that One Fuck Chuck and Gay Dancer hared and Mommys Little Accident was the only hound from Chicago. WTF. I also heard there were three visitors and two virgins. Will the virgins ever return. I'm sure everyone will tell them how much fun it is. But then, if it is so much fun, why are there only three local hashers here? And the three visitors will go home and say about the same thing. Doesn't make Chicago look very good. Just relaying the facts as I know them. Really, if that is so, it is really a sad state of affairs. But I've been here through a lot of ups and downs in attendance. And this is affecting all of the local hashes. Coming back from such low attendance is really hard and it takes some dedication from all interested hashers to help bring things back up. It starts out with a good hareline that has at least the next three weeks lined up. And the next two weeks with iron clad locations. Make them work once listed. Period. Quit switching around. Get it posted in advance so we can make the hash are first choice and not something we will look at if we can't find something else to do. Quit setting hashes and not inviting everyone. Quit setting hash dates on some other hashes dates. We hashes are not in competition, like hashes aren't about competition. We are supposed to be about friendly helpful cooperation among hashers and hashes. Let make it all work together. There are other things we can do, but no one wants to listen to me, much less cooperate together. On Out
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Tue. Jun 7, 2022. The 4X2H4 Hash, False Advertising hared from an old favorite location, J & M Tap. But we never returned for a few beers inside. Well, it was a small group. Three old slow farts, Horn-E, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. The hare told us it would be short, flat and dry like our mothers. Well, there was only a little wet spot. The three of us took off to the north and after a Split we followed Just Do Me Slowly to a Back Check. Horn-E found that and around a building and north to Division. And suddenly a late comer, Double Meter Beater blew right by me heading east. Well, at Leavitt he was slowly leaving me behind, but a Split slowed him down. So we start working our way east and north to a Check at Wicker Park. I thought the other two saw me so I didn't mark the next two Splits, but at that Check, they were never in sight and that went for the rest of the trail. I found that Check and DMB found the next one. Then, are you ready for this. Horn-E found the next two Checks and we are working the trail together and trying to mark most things for the followers, LW and JDMS. But they were busy looking for porta potties. And we ran on. Finally to North and Western where we headed south and towards the On In. That is where DMB slowly left me behind and I last saw him on Division. But he marked Splitss with whatever he could find so we three old farts could find trail, Sticks, stones, used condoms. Whatever works. And we finally came in to a parking lot across from the bar and the hare and a short circle that Lower Wackoff led. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E





The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, May 25, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Magnetic Muff & Stuffin Muffin hared from Old Plank Bar for 7 hounds. And it rained just before the start which wiped out a few marks and made many hard to see. But Magnetic Muff was sweeping. Like that would help. She couldn't remember her own trail. We started out bad with the pack running right by the first Check. But that blind old fart managed to see it and we were soon on past faded marks and to another Check at a T corner. Lifa went Left and was right and gone. Garmin went right and was wrong and J. Spencer and Horn-E blindly followed without realizing there was a Check and where. Ooops. Garmin returned to the Check and followed Lifa and by then the sweep and the back of the pack, Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising had come along and were also gone. Meanwhile J. Spencer and Horn-E were Checking a block away from where the Check was, Dumb F*cks. By the time we figured it out, they were all long gone. We followed and I was finally left behind and never saw anyone again. J. Spencer caught up and the pack managed to stay together in their utter confusion on the marks. About ten minutes after Horn-E returned to the start, the pack returned from the Whiskey Stop and we held a circle in a parking lot. After I left, I heard that Stuffin Muffin did a header and came up with one bloody head. Sorry man. Hope all is well. On Out.
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Thu. May 26, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Empirical Brewery with a live trail. We were soon off and I found myself way behind at the first Check, 50 yards away. WTF. I never saw anyone again until I got to the beer stop. Checks happen. Then after a Split that wasn't swept, I went the wrong way in a two block long loop that brought me almost right back to the Split. Well, all I could do was enjoy what I could find. We went on to a park where I found a Check and marked into the park by a nature reserve, I went through that and found marks on the other side, missing a two block long loop to the NE corner of the park. From then on things weren't bad. Just more park, SW corner, and city streets and more of the same damn park on the NW corner. At this point I figure I was hopelessly behind and I should generally head to where there might be a beer stop. And suddenly I see marks into that damn park again, only this time at the NE corner. What I didn't know was that those were marks from the beginning of that trail in the park. By the time I figured that out, yeah, really f*cked up at this point. I ran on to a parking lot by the tracks and their was the pack. From here it was a change of location to Big Joes for the ON In. On Out                   l
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Fri. May 27, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake. I thought that there might be a larger the normal pack due to the big hash weekend ahead with visitors. Wrong. I laid trail thinking 10 to 15 hounds. We had four at the start. And so they were off and hopefully with Double Meter Beater running, he would do a lot of the checking. Damn, he got 8 miles plus. They ran loops and loops and all sorts of shit just getting from my house to Loyola campus and back. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend showed up late and i directed them to a short cut and they regrouped. But they still ran their asses off and J. Spencer finally quit and we had to text Lower Wackoff to come on in. But we had a nice circle that was small, but went on and on and a lot of fun. That was aided by bringing out the old First Crack Hat for the rotating R As to wear. After that we headed over to Barrel Man were they had a couple of rounds of good beers. On Out
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Sat May 28, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Coming and SnatchSquatch hared from Roosevelt Park. This is way south of the loop and we ended up north east of the loop. I counted about 22 hounds at the start, and a few joined us after. And a few finally quit running and joined the walkers trail after being well into that marathon trail. We started out with a Check at Roosevelt and State. Now I might be slow but I still try and while a lot of hounds stood around I headed up hill and across the street they found trail. So I was near the front and we headed into a mall area just west of Clark. Now I know there is only one way out unless you loop right back to the entrance. They didn't. So I headed to the stairs in back, and was first down the stairs, and knowing that to the south was a dead end, I searched for the Check to the west and north and over to the river. That is when the pack found trail to the east and from here on I was alone. Yes again. If you have the guts to check things out, you win or lose. I won at the first check and lost this one. Trail ran on over to the river and along there and then worked our way through the loop. I ended up by default on a Turkey trail and kept running on through the center of the loop. At one point I couldn't get through the mob of people in front of a theater. So I yelled out, "I've been running and I'm sweaty and I'm going to rub myself all over you people unless you make a path." You should have seen those old biddies move aside with expressions of horror and this old gnome pushed on through.  At Wabash, trail went south and finally to a garage where we were told to take the elevator to the top. Another mob waiting in line. Screw this. Only beer at the top and I can't drink so I'm off looking for trail. I did hear that three hounds walked up thinking it would only be about 5 floors. Eleven suckers. I found trail to the Art Institute where there was a picture Check and a bucket drum band and mobs of people. What the hell do they think this is, a holiday or something? Thousands. And that was just the first block. Anyway I follow the arrow to the south and towards the Bean. Unfortunately that arrow pointed to the photo check that people were standing on. About ten minutes later I finally returned and found the true trail to the south. So I'm off and a Check by the twin Indians. I search towards Buckingham Fountain and find trail into the Fountain area and somehow ran between two arrows without seeing a damn thing. So I'm now wandering south along Columbus and then heading west when I run into Lifa. So we return to the fountain area and this time I find those arrows and we are off in a loop around the fountain and then north along Columbus and ups and downs land. Up to Randolph. west to Michigan. north, west, lower lever, garbage dumps. down to river walk east to Columbus, up 101 steps. a block later down 81 steps and then right back up 76 steps, a loop CCW and into  a park and back up about 65 steps and then down again and back underground to a spot under Randolph east end and the final beer stop. Is that about right SnatchSquatch? Can I have a note, "F*ck you for being the hare, etc" Again, some people got 8 miles. From here we went to a grassy area on a hill and chased away the local wild life for a short circle and then it was On Out
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Sun May 29, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer hared from La Bagh Woods. I heard a good woods trail, but the same familiar stuff. A beer stop at Roofie Ragu's and back to the shelter for circle. The Dark Kunt ran a good circle and I'm sure they ate well and drank well. On Out.
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Mon May 30, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lifa, The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel hared from 1872 N. Clybourn. Actually a Lifa Trail. I saw some marks on the way there and guessed correctly and at a Check on Armitage the pack caught me and the leaders passed me. Okay. I'm trying to stay in sight and not last as we head down Cortland and over the bridge. I lost sight of the runners ahead and missed a turn and went to the end of a factory zone. Nothing at the exit on Ashland. Heading north to Webster. Nothing. Returned looking for some marks somewhere coming out to Ashland, and found a Check. Across Ashland and into the Metra Station. Here's a short cut. Only one way out. Now heading south across Cortland and a Split by 606. So he is taking the visitors up onto 606. I'll short cut and head south to North. And there was a unmarked Check. In front? Behind? Both. Yeah, that was it. So I find trail East on North and after a screw up at a Split, (Well laid Lifa. Damn hare. ). I'm back on trail and a BN Check. This leads to the usual beer stop South of North on the walking bridge. And I wasn't last. We then head to the Rusty Grundel, Cock Whisperer, Castle in the Sky, roof deck, for circle. And it is full of hashers who don't run anymore or hardly ever, taking up all of the nice seats, from those that are dog tired from running trail. Back Door Bizzle got a circle going. Damn good one. Only missing thing was he didn't recognize the Veterans on Memorial Day. Even though one old fart is half dead already. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 19, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Garmin hared from Senn Park by Old young Abe at Ridge and Clark. We had five hounds, all guys again. Hey, Harriets, it is warming up. You can come out of hibernation. This was supposed to be a re. What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'msure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. On Outpeat of a failed hash last winter, This meant Horn-E might be able to keep up since he was at that hash. And he did. Trail headed east past Senn H. S, and False Advertising was racing to the front. But he came from that direction and probably saw some marks along the way. At the first Check the trail went south a block and then into a series of alleys. J. James took the lead here. At Broadway there was a Check and just as I got there I heard an On On call from False Advertising in an alley across the street, Yep, right like last time. I blew my whistle and we were right after him and finally came to a Check at Ridge and Braodway. SnatchSquatech and False Advertising were right On heading north on Ridge and then into alleys and neighborhood streets. I followed and as I came out of the alley I was passed by Second Coming and Just James. I followed them to a Split at an alley and headed west. I knew were the last trail went. but this one didn't. WTF. So I followed the old course and came to a Check at the Military Memorial. Where was the pack? Behind me. As I was checking, in the wrong direction they passed me in the right direction. From here on it was following them in neighborhood streets and alleys until we returned to the start. We held a short circle there and then just hung out for about a half hour before dispersing. On Out
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Sat May 21, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Lechowicz Woods. GD rain. Just before I got there it started to rain. So I sat in this shelter waiting for a pause. It never came, but 80 people came to claim that shelter for a birthday party. So I headed over to the foot bridge for a start and we could wait under the bridge. So now I have a direction. North over the river and into the woods for some nice woods running. I wanted to CW through woods and past that previous shelter just before the finish, But at the first Check, I paused. It is raining. They won't be playing golf. A great time to run the Golf Course in the summer. So It was a CCW direction as I looped into the Golf course and a lot of good woods running areas. And the rain kept coming and there was actually one lone golfer out there. WTF. But I'm committed. At one point I left a tee and headed into some deep woods. This is where I almost joined Gispert, hashing around the clouds for eternity. I past this huge downed tree to the left and squeezed past a tight area and headed for a slight hill fifty feet later. Then I heard a loud Crack and looked back as a forty foot healthy tree fell right were I just passed in that tight area. A minute or so after I passed. And when I swept the trail later, that tree was right were I was. I might have even marked trail on it. There would have been no where to rum fast enough. Looked like a healthy tree, full of leaves, no wind. I'm guessing it was just waterlogged with all of the recent rain and fell over its own weight. So, what do you do. Finish trail. And as I'm finishing, still raining there are golfers suddenly everywhere. WTF. So I finally cross that starting foot Bridge and there is the pack, just starting out, False Advertising, Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. And the GD rain just stopped. So I ditched my gear and followed the pack. Nice trail and woods hashing and everyone managed some time in front. Several Checks along the way and we all stayed together and finished together. Back under that foot bridge we held circle for several rounds of Bushman style and finally False Advertising started Swing Low and we were soon out of there. Great day in the woods and God, I'm not ready to die yet. On Out
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Mon May 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Florida Man, Poo La La and Homeless Granny Fucker were haring from Jonquil Park Park for 20 hounds. What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'm sure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. I counted 20 hounds. Didn't get all of their names but two visitors and three virgins were included. That was the good news. Now for the bad news. They laid the trail in blue chalk. In the dark, and even on asphalt. These younger guys that led the pack, might be able to see those marks, but this old fart with failing eye sight was doomed to failure. Started out fairly well as I was about 4th after the first Check. But the pack passed me and at the First Check I was east of the Check watching False Advertising heading east. Trail went west. From there, except for those blue marks, actually looked like it was twisting back and forth okay. I'm now in back with a virgin, (who left a virgin in back with Horn-E) But she was okay and surrounded by a visitor Mudd Wyfe and Coming Right Meow. So Lower Wackoff and I slipped past them and ran on. Pack is now out of sight, two old farts trying to run and three Harrietts walking. Then Horn-E runs Past a turn arrow, damn fading blue chalk, and a long block later, no marks. So he and lower Wackoff return and find trail. Damn, a half block later was an arrow going west into an alley, a half block off of where I just ran. Damn. Well, I was now falling behind Lower Wackoff and at Southport and School the trail headed east. As far as I know it kept going east to Michigan City. I found a few marks and once had to back track a block to verify I didn't miss a turn, Nope, straight east. Finally I saw a bright white arrow. Looking closer there was a faded Check there and the arrow pointing straight east. Yeah, again. I never saw another mark. Three blocks later I decided this was useless. Even my flashlight didn't help. So at Sheffield, I just started walking on in a mile away. Got there about 5 minutes before the pack. And within minutes they started the circle with four hounds still out there. Hey, weather is nicer and we might want to wait a little longer before starting circle. Those slower runners are also part of the pack. Those four I was with earlier. They barely got in before the circle ended. And Berts Special Friend was leading the circle. Then within minutes the pack started to dissipate until there was little more the the usual suspects who weren't afraid of the dark. Did manage to meet one of the virgins, Just Anthony, He already wants to write songs. He better learn some first.  Also met Mudd Wyfe before she was lyfted off. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 12, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a live traifor 9nounds. We were soon off to the west and then worked our way north. We hit a quick Song Check and Ugg won out. Then we were off. A lot of Splits and Checks kept the pack together until it wasn't together anymore. At least I wasn't part of it. Damn. I made my way to Division and a Check that wasn't swept. Ranging west I ran into Meat Inside Her, Checking. I missed a loop. But she was soon gone and then she was behind me and who the fuck knows. So was SnatchSquatech behind me until he also wasn't. We headed west and the last I saw of them was at a Check at Milwaukee. It was swept to the south and I went south and never saw another mark. At Augusta I found nothing, damn. I ranged the corner and finally decided to range back towards the "Known" finish. And I never did see another mark, but the pack was all there when I got there. SnatchSquatch led circle and then they we\re off to the start bar. On Out
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Sat May 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Warren Park for a grand total of 4 hounds, the usual suspects. We got a late start but with Berts Special Friend (the GM) and Meat Inside Her leading, we qould get through that trail quick. Until they couldn't find the last Check. We started out with a quick loop and then up the sledding hill for a Check. We struggled a bit as no one took the hares dare to climb the fence to the first mark. Meanwhile Horn-E is wandering all over except the hill. Yeah, already. We finally got on track and Horn-E did manage to solve that first check. A hundred yards later and he was DFL again. We went around the south east end of the park and then north and into city streets and a Check that regrouped the pack. Regroup? Hell, we couldn't solve it. Horn-E finally went west, Again, Nothing. Going north a block and there was Meat Inside Her flying by on trail. So he followed her to Indian Boundary Park and a Check. She is doing her best to solve that Check and win the Hash and Horn-E is still just following like a lost mutt instead of a hash hound. Hell, that blind old fuck didn't even know we were at a Check. So Finally we are joined by Back Door Bizzle and they are off on another False. Well that old Horn Dog decides to run past the last mark on a False and there is Just Do Me Slowly hiding under a bench in the dark like a little lost troll. And she had beer. We shouted ON On for about 10 minutes before those lost hounds were led in to the Beer Stop by the sweep, Lower Wackoff. And they tell me I can't hear. After here we went back to the start and the cars and headed over to Cary's Bar and their back yard beer garden and grill were Meat Inside Her grilled some damn good brats and we held circle. And the beer flowed. On Out
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Mon May 16, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Skinner Park. I'd like to say it was a great trail, but I'm not only not that good of a liar, but I and half the pack never found the whole trail. Seems like the trail get sabotaged at the start and the pack was lead astray for about a mile and a half. By the time we recovered we were hopelessly spread out. But eventually there was North Bangher Alley, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin off on their own and not seen after crossing the Expressway. That is where I caught up to False Advertising and we went wrong ways. I think he just made his way back to th finish. I circled back and got on trail, now alone. Wow, that is a lot of fun again. I headed west and eventually Just Do Me Slowly, Bag of Ds, Lower Wackoff and a visitor Shark Laid No caught up. And there was a Check and just as quick they are gone again. I did find trail further west and finally just circled back to the start. I was having to much fun running alone. And back at the start were various hashers. Hooch B4 Cooch who found something and what I don't know. But he missed the sabotage and was first back. Finally it was just that front pack missing. And when they arrived, they were with Po Po Pickup Game. Where did he come from? Hooch B4 Cooch led a short circle and we were out of there. Stiffy 4 Stiffies drove by where I was waiting for a bus and I got a ride home. And he won the lottery for a brand almost new pair of shoes. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 5, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Coming Right Meow hared from Butler Field. Hashers were wondering about the hare after her last trail. but, Supiz supiz supiz, she did it. Weather looked a bit iffy but at the start there was no rain and mild temperatures. great for a hash. Rain wiped out some of the hares marks, so she took off on a bicycle to relay the trail. We took off towards Millinium Park and found our first Split, but Horn-E was right on that. Yeah. like that would help. a short time later we missed a turn. but we recovered and headed straight north and a few Splits later we passed the bean and still staying together thanks to those Splits. At Randolph there was a check and the trail headed east and around the concert area and back south to the winding bridge. We didn't believe that Split and were right on over the bridge. At the end we had a bunch of Splits as we worked our way to Monroe and over to the lake front. We regrouped at the light and were soon off along the lakefront to the south and finally a LSD crossing at Bundy Fountain. From here were worked the pathways south and a long loop and then back near and on Columbus Drive to a beer stop at Butler Field. where Castro Dick Assist came in FRB. Then we headed to the hare's castle in the sky and the hare was into the Sinko do Mayo and a day for Mexican food. Without Mayonnaise. On Out
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Sat May 7, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa laid trail from Humbolt Park. I won't say this was a great trail. Rules of hash trashes. And it wasn't. But the hare did lay a real twisting trail that had the pack confused front start to finish, and mostly close together. We just experienced one of the dreariest springs in memory with more then enough rain and never enough sunshine. So this was sort of the first day of summer. Blue skies, warm temps, sun and cold beer and salsa music everywhere. And the pack gathered. Wow. What a crowd. The usual suspects, Horn-E, Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising. After we took off on trail we had two late cummers, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Yep, the Usual Suspects. The people formerly known as hashers were still hibernating I guess. Or just quit hashing. The trail. We took off through paths to the north and FA took the lead. Over to the building by the lagoon and under the bridge to the left. I almost short cut over the street and I would have come upon the marks for the ON IN. Lucky hare there. A Check by a bridge under construction stalled us but we finally found trail to the south and around this finger of water and then back north by little Cubs Park. here is where the late cumers caught up to us. Again, along the lagoon and then west into city streets. A block later and a Check. FA went south. Gotcha. The late cumer MM found trail to the north and was off into the lead. And we headed back to the park, And the lagoon and another Check. Near the lagoon and a kiddie park. So the old fart heads through the kiddie park and was almost on the ON IN trail when the hare sweeping, called Horn-E back. Trail headed north to Humboldt and North. City streets again. No, not yet. Back into the park  and heading towards the North East of the park. Speculation. Back to city streets to circle that other trip into city streets. Never try to out guess the hare. We headed north instead of west. There was a Split by an alley and I headed east and was on. Well MM was still ahead and out of sight. But I passed back the wordand we were on and eventually heading back towards Humbolt Parkway. A Split. We followed MM north to a Check. Duh. Right under the 606 trail. How easy can it get. Not that damn easy. Much later we are still standing around with our fingers up our asses, Well, at least not each others. So Finally Horn-E heads south. Still nothing. Into the parkway and there is an arrow on a sewer cover. Then 2 and then 3 and that old fart blows his whistle and is ON heading east. Yeah, like that would last. A Split trail headed east. Horn-E headed south into Octopus country and coming out right behind FA. From here it was into the park and working our way past were Horn-E almost twice found On In trail and then south on Humbolt Drive to Buffalo Country and the beer stop. FA was FRB and damn, the old fart came in 2nd. Lower Wackoff was delayed and DFL as he tried to pick up a fresh Mexican Taco. After a brewski, we headed to the start area where we gathered among the flowers, Dandy Lions are flowers. We circled Big Dog style and relaxed in the beautiful sunshine and you missing hounds missed it. On Out
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Mon May 9, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Dr Cockvorkian and Death By Bukkake hared from McGee's. Wow. Even in the Green zone and we can't break ten hounds in a city of 3,000,000 people. Only 8 of us. Trail headed north under the El Tracks and get this, Horn-E was leading. A Triple Split, a Check, a Split and Horn-E was still ahead. WTF. But at a Song Check, a quick verse of Swing Low and then he didn't see the arrow to the south and headed East and North. By the time he returned, DFL again. At the next check, everyone was gone accept North Bangher Alley heading south and Lower Wackoff waiting to mark the Check. Horn-E went north again and spent the next half hour trying to catch the pack. Eventually through OZ Park and then west. Finally after a Check at Sheffield, I ran into Po Po Pickup Game. From here we struggled as things got darker and arrows were constantly in shadows. We finally game up to a beer stop and the pack. Horn-E didn't stop and ran on. North and along the Clybourn corridor, back and forth as trail headed North. Finally came to a Check that was rough to solve. I checked east and north and around and finally back to the Check and the pack caught up. They couldn't find anything either. So I went on a big loop and headed east on Fullerton before heading south. Came to a street corner and checked all four corners. Nothing. Headed west and all of a sudden the pack is fast approaching and heading east on the other side of the street. I guess they found trail were I stopped looking because I went far enough without a third mark. WTF. But a few blocks later and we are at the 2nd beer stop. after beer we headed back to the bar and ended up under the El tracks for circle. We made North Bangher Alley play RA and I won't admit it in print, but she did a decent Job. Ooops. I didn't say that. ON Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Apr 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider laid a trail from Go Tavern. An A to B trail for 7 hounds that ended up at her home. We started out to the west and it started out with a lot of up one street and down the next and back again. finally it revolved intto a big clockwise spiral. I was falling behind with Stuffin Muffin and we finally caught up to the pack at Palmer Square. I ran past Lower 'Wackoff looking for trail on a Check. Magnetic Muff pointed to an alley and said Lifa went that way and didn't return. So I followed and it was a three block long alley with no marks. Whehn I got back to Palner Square the pack was gone. But I managed to find an arrow and was off playing catch up. And On and On. Finally went down an apparent Dead End alley that wasn't and at the end I caught up to Lower Wackoff. He had heard Just Do Me Slowly, but guessed the sound wrong. So from here it was the two of us running on and on and eventually to the home of. Slippery Fingers and Fire In The Hole for a shot stop and then we walked to Dickens Cider's Home for the ON IN. We picked Just Do Me Slowly to lead the circle and she did a decent job. Also on trail was False Advertising who I never saw after the start until the Shot stop. FRB. On Out
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Thu Apr 28, 2022, the Thirstday Hash. Brother incisor and J' Paulie laid trail from that bar on Buena. We had a dozen hounds for this trail and an a to b hash. Trail worked its way south to a block south of Irving Park on Clark and our first Check. Should be simple. Keep it simple and teach a virgin hare the ropes. Yeah sure. Trail was found east towards the lake. Three marks and then nothing else. WTF. We searched and eventually trail was found to the west. But meanwhile, after ranging south and finding nothing I went back to the mistake trail. I ranged all over and under Lake Shore Drive looking for marks. Of course nothing. So, rangeing back along Irving Park looking for trail to eventually cross there, I suddenly run into Furry Spice. He mentions something about a Split and then we see a mark heading straight north. From Irving Park to Montrose. No turns. J. Paulie, don't learn that trick. Well, trail went to Montrose and left to the tracks and On In under the Red Line. Somehow I just managed to beat the DFLs. And apparently there was other troubles along the way. Whatever they were, I never heard. But we circled and then got around to naming J Paulie. He will forever more be known as Hot Mess Bench Press and don't ask me why. Then it was back to the bar I headed to the el with Coming Right Meow. On Out
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Fri Apr 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from Gill Park right wear the bad check from the night before was located. Small pack of five and we followed the live hare, SnatchSquatch. I quickly fell behind as Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend disappeared to the front. I was barely keeping the visitor Heiney Girl and Back Door Bizzel in sight as we headed past Wrigley Field and then a loop back towards the south and west before working our way back to the start. I lost those two and struggled over a few marked checks with a few options that were confusing. I finally lost trail about two blocks north of Addison and about two blocks from the start/finish. Guess which way I went. Short circle and then across Clark to a bar for a few rounds. On Out
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Mon May 2, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from River Park. Lower Wackoof was prepared with 2, 30 packs for what used to be ChicagoH3's biggest regular Hash of the year. In the 80s we used to get 5o hashers on the first Mon Night hash. We got five. WTF. Where is everybody. It is May. I know, not perfect weather, but it was nice enough this night. Trail was a little confusing at the start but we finally got on trail and worked our way south for two blocks and then to the east. We were sort of together trying to keep the FRBs in sight and then they weren't in sight and I'm in back with Stuffin Muffin trying to catch up. We got up north to Bryn Mawr when I was suddenly in from at a Check. How the hell did that happen. But the FRBs were soon taking the lead again and I'm barely staying in front of Stuffin Muffin. We finally come to a Check at this park and High School and no one can find the trail. I head north towards Peterson and find nothing. So I head west in front of the school and go a loooong way without a mark and suddenly there is a Split. Got to be On. No one goes that far for a False. So I blow my whistle and run on.Yeah, three marks later I miss a turn and I'm back in back again with Stuffin Muffin. We got over to this park along the river and it was zig zag along and in the park until we came to Just Do Me Slowly's house. A leisurely beer and off to the start for circle. Circle was short for me. Had to catch the last bus on Foster. But I came up with a hash Name for Just Do Me Slowly's Mom. She wasn't there, but we had JDMS do a down down for her Mom. Mama UMeDoMe. For anyone who doesn't know, Yumi is her real name and Do Me is part of her hash name. Hey, have fun with it. So they hung out with 64 beers to finish. On Out 
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Tue May 3, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Skinner Park at Monroe and Throop. When I looked up directions and time for the buses I was given 29 hours and change to Monroe and Throop in Brooklyn New York. By bus. Google gets worse every time I try to use it. Isn't that stuff supposed to get better over time. Anyhow, I forgot the trail starts at 7:00 sharp. So Lifa gives me a short cut and I'm off and running. Actually it was a good trail, but again, no one bothered to come except myself and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Bad weather? Not really. Just a light mist in the air. And it is only the old farts that show up and all of these young kids are sitting home still hibernating. Yeah, I'm picking on you all. So I get to where Lifa directed me and was a few blocks behind the pack of two. A Split and then a Marked Check and I finally see then ahead after a suckers loop, laid for some FRBs that never showed. So they come to a Split at Lake and I figure to take a short cut in an alley to catch up with them. And they were off on another of LIfa's loops for the FRBs and now I'm ahead and looking back for them. So I'm checking and trying to mark splits and Checks and I run on and on finally coming to a park at Lake and Ashland. Checking. Returning from a False and they finally catch up to me. We work that check and almost lost Just Do Me Slowly thinking she was ahead and she's behind. But a few blocks later we are at the On In at Skinner Park. A very short circle led by Just Do Me slowly and we were on our way home. You all missed a good trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Apr 14, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dyrafoam hared from  Big Joe's for a small pack of four of us. And you know who ran damn near the whole hash alone. We took off to the north and Brother Incisor took off leading to the west after a block. Yeah, like that lasted. Meanwhile I'm running behind and after running all the way to Damen following a fast pack, they were all gone. Shit damn fuck. Alone again. At Damen and Foster there was a Check. And a big park to the south west. I ran south and found a mark, but no elusive 3rd mark. So I ranged into the park and after to big of a loop I found no marks. I exited at Foster and heading east I found trail on the north side of Foster right were the trail headed north. After several blocks there was a Split, swept to the west. Hey, after that Check I'm way behind. They will have to loop back by the cemetery. Go straight. I did and sure enough, there was trail. So now we are heading east and south for two blocks and on east. A block later there was a turn north. Now I know where this was going so I headed straight. Damn, all the way to Ashland and no marks at any intersection. So now it was south for two blocks and back west. Still no marks. Finally at Ravenswood I found a mark into the tunnel. And just then, Brother Incisor blew by me damn determined that she would beat the old mam. By about 15 seconds to a beer stop in a parking lot up by the metra tracks. And we held a quick circle there. Then it was back to Big Joes. On Out
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Fri Apr 15, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her laid trail from Beaumonts for a six pack of hounds. We wandered to the west through streets and alleys as Berts Special Friend and Double Meter Beater ran off and left myself and Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff behind. Son Of Spam was walknig part of the trail and knew where the beer stop was. We finally came to a Check and this old fart found the trail in an alley by the El tracks. And as I ran through a parking lot, BSF and DMB caught up and were soon gone. So now it was Horn-E leading JDMS through alleys and streets and finally Lower Wackoff caught us just west of Clybourn. I was returning to mark a Check that BSF solved for me when he caught up. So, now it was the three of us and I'm desperately trying to stay ahead for once and not be DFL. But finally while going through the De Paul Campus, I missed a turn. LW went back and found it and passed me. Damn. A block later my damn weak ankle started acting up and JDMS passed me. And so I am now walking on the bad ankle and get to Oz Park. Heading west I see a turn arrow on a path into the park. So I shortcut to that path and short cut the BN Mark to where the pack was hiding in the shadows. Well. not really hiding, but in the dark I didn't see them. And so I end up doing a big loop around the park before they spotted me. So we held circle by the athletic field in the shadows, Full Moon Style. Then I headed home to get ready to lay a Bushman trail the next morning. On Out     f
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Sat. Apr 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, #203. Almost 17 years of consistently hashing on the 3rd Sat of every month without fail. And still other hashers hi jack other hashes and hare in direct opposition to the Bushman. So, only two hashers showed up, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Horn-E hared from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. Mother nature was late this year with the annual April flowers which were at about 10 to 20%. But the trail was nice and easy to follow, except when it wasn't. Checks. While they had no trouble following trail, there were two Checks near Central that really screwed them over. One was just before the bridges over the river. Real trail was up by the road instead of the foot bridge. And both hounds got sucked into running through some real deer shiggy under Central at rivers edge. But JDMS finally found the trail and they ran off to almost immediately another Check on the other side of the river in the woods. LW managed to get sucked into a long False and JDMS eventually found trail along the river. This eventually led to the Metra tracks, lower level where there was a small drainage stream from some wet lands. Soft mud on both sides. I tried and was really starting to sink is. So I wandered around and about fifty feet away, gravel and sand instead of mud and a short jump. I told them to just find another way when they got there. JDMS just plunged right in. Of course she is so light she didn't sink in anywhere as near as I would have. From here it was along the little island to the RR trestle and then on in through some nice woods and a light coating of flowers on the forest floor. We circled up at a picnic bench along the river for a few beers and a Bushman circle. And On Out. Now, nothing to do on Sunday because that hash date was changed.

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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E





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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon Apr 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from Legion Park for five of the usual suspects. That is those that have consistently been coming around since Covid, especially in the cold miserable weather of winter. It is spring and time for the rest of the hashers to come out of hibernation and enjoy free spirited hashing again. Now, how did the hare screw up this trail. He immediately sent them off to the south and through wet grass. Damn rat bastard. And a block later they left the park for more pavement pounding with a nasty Check. Or Two.  and the hare went out to set a quicky beer stop. Trail went to this footbridge over the river and the hare was waiting for them with the nicest view of the hash. That wasn't saying much for views. And who should arrive first. Berts Special Friend who wasn't even there at the start. What else is new. But we all gathered on a nice evening. We finally couldn't wait any longer and made Just Do Me Slowly finish her beer on trail and they were off.  With a good Back Check led by BSF. Then around Home Depot parking area and into city streets. They ran on until another back check on Jersey that caught Lifa and suddenly Stuffin Muffin pulls into the beer stop as FRB. This was right across the river from the start in another strip park. Also on trail was Lower Wackoff. On Out.
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Tue. Apr 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Harrison Park. Seven hounds. Good. Only Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her showed up late. And Horn-E even later. They caught up to the pack and Horn-E didn't. He even missed circle. Mudsucker showed up. Welcome back from hibernation. I ran trail that was sort of well marked until it wasn't at archer and 18th St. I lost trail there and finally realized I was at a Check as I ended up seeing a mark pointing to where I already was. I did find the True trail mark, but now realizing I'm to far behind to ever catch up, I ranged. Trail went east and north under the tracks and then west until Wood Street and under the tracks again for a beer stop out of any potential rain. Meanwhile I ranged correctly and finally headed north on Wood St. Unfortunately that is where the pack went after the beer stop and there were no marks there. So I was on, but on invisible marks. Back at the park I turned west as I got to the park and right ahead of me, in shadows, was the pack and circle. But I didn't see them. Meanwhile I wandered all over the park looking for any trace of a trail. Not. Finally going by that same section a second time, I saw some people in the shadows, Went over there and it was the circle, after circle and ten minutes later everyone went on or home and so did I. On Out.
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Thu. Apr 7, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dickinme Twofiddy hared for his last time in Chicago. FOYC. Location was Seward Park,. He deserved better because some of his trails were pretty decent. This one was, well, we don't know because no one finished it. I think that was a lot of our fault. The pack that is. We got about two blocks into trail and already SnatchSquatch was long gone and ON. Until he wasn't and ran and ran and finally caved and returned. I was back with the pack and we got to that Check and the leaders were running about but didn't seen to be working things right. Garmin was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, but not finding trail. Then he was gone and eventually back at the start as FRB. Lost. I finally found trail for the rest of us and blew my whistle. They came and I directed Steps In Shit in one of the directions of a Split. Never saw him again on trail and trail didn't go that way. He finaly returned and after moving his car, came in DFL. Now that leaves Horn-E and Famming Flaggott. We went the other way on that Split, Didn't go far enough. Returned to Split and since Steps In Shit hadn't returned, we followed that direction. A big fat nothing. So  we returned and went the original way again and farther this time. Finally found a mark and then another Check. That is when we decided the trail was f*cked and we needed a tree. We returned to the start. So, that is it and I'm sticking with it. We really needed to work together, better, a problem I often see on trail. And this day really showed it. A quick circle and off to a pub. ON Out.
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Sat. Apr 9, 2022.  The Big Dog Hash. Son Of Spam and Berts Special Friend hared from Lo Rez Brewery. Never let those two hare after drinking a six pack each and then carrying around some elderberry wine on trail. The usual suspects showed up in force. Well, eight of us. Zone 2 would be walking and the rest of us took off to the east with arrows the size of the hares dicks. Hey, even our Mayor has a bigger dick. And she never lies. This trail was back and forth with a lot of back shit. At a Check I found myself following Lifa and no one behind us. We got to 18th St, and headed east. This trail was getting tighter then a 12 year old virgin's twat. I'm guessing here. She said she was a teenager and I'm sticking to that story. We wandered a few alleys and crossed trail at least once. I think. And a loop back was within about 10 feet of a turning arrow. I'd like to say well done hares. It was. But I will never do that in print. So you didn't see that here. The hares were trying to take away Horn-E's title of Rat Bastard. But in reality, more like Dick Wads. And if you don't know what that is, ask Zone 2. We finally hit a Check. Lifa, myself, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, were all at different times standing about 10 feet from the On Out trail and didn't see the arrow behind the second column holding up the tunnel. Rat Bastards and Dick Wads.  I went ranging to the south east. Magnetic Muff almost followed. Lifa was off on a long loop to no where before returning on Halsted from the far north and finding marks. False Advertising was up on the tracks. He found nothing, but some fat railroad dicks almost caught him as he raced back to ground level and headed under the tracks. By the time I returned, all were gone. And suddenly, I found that damn hidden arrow. As I head north, there is Stuffin Muffin heading across Halsted. I climb down to street level and almost stumbled into on coming traffic. You aren't going to hit this old man yet. We headed west and another Check. I ranged again and this time I, no I didn't find trail. I was the wrong way again. I returned and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing under the tracks heading south. From here on I ran alone, occasionally spotting Magnetic Muff way ahead. I came into this park across from Lo Rez Brewery and there was the pack. Including Just Do Me Slowly. Where was she on trail? To short to see again.  And especially for an old man going as blind as he is deaf. And finally Lower Wackoff came on in. He fell behind going back and marking Splits and Checks for slow bastards like Horn-E. But the old Horn Dog fooled him and got ahead. So, where are the hares. Drinking at Son Of Spam's house. And suddenly they are there. Berts Special Friend carrying a microphone for our tiny circle. Hey, the circle was small enough that even Horn-E heard most of the accusations. Well some of them. And Son Of Spam came in dressed like a giant can of span with two knobby legs sticking out the bottom  and I think that was his head sticking out the top. So circle was held. Big Dog style. And we were off. Meat Inside Her took Berts Special Friend home and to bed to sleep it off. Or so she said. Son Of Spam went home for a dinner of Spam on a stick. Everyone else headed home and Horn-E headed off chasing young bunnies. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. On Out.
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Sun. Apr 10, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. False Advertising and Crotch Fire hared this mess. All right, it was.  A repeat of an old trail that everyone missed most of. Well, guess what. They missed most of it again. Maybe it is the hares fault. Anyway, about 14 hounds on trail. I followed the CTA's directions to get there fifteen minutes ahead of the start and arrived 15 minutes late. Yes, again. There were marks to B for late comers. I followed them behind Blooms. The chocolate smells in the breeze were the only good smells down in that hole were the local gangs do their drug deals. And no hares in sight. So I take off on trail backwards with my back pack for the shag wagon that wasn't there. The trail was the usual shit in that area. Back and forth, river level and upper level, crossing tracks and going down one side of the street only to return on the other side. and suddenly there it the pack coming my way lead by Hooch B4 Cooch. This quick? Yeah. This quick. They found a short cut and missed over half of the trail. As a matter of fact, the heroes of the day were Lifa, the FRB and Lower Wackoo the DFL. But they were the only ones who did the whole trail. Well done. On Out
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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Mar 30, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Dickinme  Twofiddy hared from Delilah's at 2771 N. Lincoln. They had a small turnout of about 4 due to rain.
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Thu. Mar 31, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck hare out of Empirical Brewery at  1801 W. Foster, They had cans of Empirical Beer for circle. Hey, OK.
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Sun. Apr 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Lifa hared from Welles Park at Montrose and Western. Lifa's 30th anniversary Hash. Thirteen Hounds took off to the north and west and the usual Lifa back and forth and a quick regroup with a long back check. Then we headed further north and eventually crossing Lincoln to the east and north of Lawrence. By now I'm in back with Lower Wackoff and he falls back and I'm alone. We head on and at a large park, we do a loop through it and then head south. And Lower Wackoff catches up. A block south is a Check marked with a stick. Not always accurate and sure enough Muffin Stuffin is coming back from going a long block the wrong way. From here on it is the three of us, heading west and then south in alleys paralleling Lincoln and south of Lawrence. We catch a Back Check here and Horn-E takes the lead crossing Lincoln and south to Welles Park. And a BN Check.Horn-E finds it to the south and through the park to an alley and a Split. From here it heads to western and Montrose where we regroup. Then we head west and right into an alley that leads a few blocks to a Beer Stop in a parking Lot. Trouble is, as we were heading west in the alley, the front of the pack is leaving the beer stop and heading back on Montrose to the start in Welles Park. I guess we don't matter if we're running late. All to often pattern lately. We held an all to short circle led by Brother Incisor and then the pack dispersed. Most went to a bar at Sunnyside and Lincoln where Hash Cash bought the first round. On Out. x
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch had a surprise co hare in Homeless Granny Fucker as they laid trail out of Templestowe for 8 hounds. We took off to the west and I was actually in front. Yeah, one hundred feet. But I was on the right Split and we headed south on Kedzie for a block. By now they are passing me and trail headed west and we were off on a CCW loop. Mostly west and back and forth between Montrose and one block south. We did come to a Check at the exit of an alley and when I got there the pack was scattered. But I didn't see anyone head straight west in the alley. I eventually did and that was the last I saw of anyone. I was ON, and apparently those that weren't, soon were by ranging or seeing someone a block away and short cutting. And with the tight loop that the hares set, I believe that was what happened for most of the trail. The FRBs find the trail and as they are looping around others got nice short cuts. Meanwhile I'm on my own and it was well laid in that with the rainy weather expected, the marks were in flour and BIG. So I had no trouble in finding the trail. Went past Dickens Cider's old apartment, in the alley and back around the front and then back east. Again, a narrow corridor of no more then two blocks north and south and heading east. Guessing became easy and I only guessed wrong on one Split. But that was soon right back ON. Finally ended at the asshole of the Snatch, the garage behind SnatchSquatch's house. And they were already done with circle. So about ten minutes later we returned to the start and just hung out there, warm. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash, This was supposed to be Homeless Granny Fucker haring after getting a haring lesson from SnatchSquatch on Thursday. But suddenly he had a cohare in Brother Incisor. And then he never showed up and Brother Incisor hared alone. And that is how I got the story. But it gets worse, or maybe just the same old thing and then worse. The start was from Harrington's. I got there five minutes late, right with the arrival of Back Door Bizzle. And the pack was gone at 2:33. We followed, him with his dog and me with my back pack. The whole damn way. But that was a blessing in disguise, sort of. Later on that. We headed south to Oz Park and then west a block to Lincoln and a Check. Lower Wackoff was there waiting until the Check was solved. We finally guessed east and we were off. La Shartisie blew on by us coming off of a False. He was soon long gone. So the three of us ran like we were the only ones on the course as most marks were not swept. Over to the Zoo, north in the park and eventually at the Gazebo we headed west a block. North to Diversey and then east to Sheridan. Straight north and then it gets interesting. It started to look like exactly the same course as the hare laid on Mar 3. WTF. So we followed along taking turns leading and eventually working our way up to Sheffield and Addison. Here Back Door Bizzle had to turn back, get his car and head to work. So it is now me and Lower Wackoff. This whole time, it wasn't that we had a hard time finding trail. Mostly quite predictable and well marked, but we're slower then everyone else. So we run on straight west and then south and I managed to get ahead at a couple of Checks, but LW is always right behind me a block or so. Then going south on Racine, there was a turn east and at the alley it continued south. I never saw LW again. And I kept looking. So On to Diversey and south on Lincoln and eventually to the beer stop, just like Mar 3. And when I get there, there is a Check Mark and a message, "May the hash go in peace." WTF. A little over 6 miles and another hash with no circle and this time, no pack. WTF. They didn't know about me and Back Door Bizzle. But they knew Lower Wackoff was out there. It turns out that Back Door Bizzle actually ran by Jonquil park were the beer stop and circle were just finishing up. He told them we were out there running trail. And they didn't wait. Did they just go home? Did they go to a bar? Did thye care at all? Sounds very unhashlike to me. But what do I know. I'm new at this. Lower Wackoff eventually got to the Beer Stop and found the same and wondered what the hell happened. All I do know for sure is I'm glad I didn't put a big in the shag wagon. I'd still be wondering where it was. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 17, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Kelly's Pub for ten hounds. We took off to the north in side streets and the FRBs were soon pulling away. By the time I got to the De Paul campus they were gone. But a Triple Split soon regrouped me with Lifa. We crossed Fullerton and into alleys toward Lincoln and as we crossed Lincoln he pulled away and I was joined by our virgin J. Allison running with That Thing That Vibrates. But they also pulled away and I last saw them heading east on Fullerton. Again I was briefly joined by Lifa as we entered a loop north to Wrightwood and back to Fullerton. As I was resolving a Split on Fullerton, Brother Incisor caught up with me. We crossed Fullerton and headed back to Lincoln. Here I found trail heading south. This untimately led to a Check at Oz Park. Brother Incisor eventually found trail through Oz Park as I was out searching False Trails. I eventually followed and trail crossed Armitage and into Mansion Row. Again another loop as trail came back north on Halsted. From here it went straight west and eventually after a quick loop to Armitage I found a Check at Sheffield. This took a little time before I found trail into an alley that eventually led me out to some construction across the street with an arrow pointing right at it. Not. The hare's arrows didn't always point exactly where the trail went and after screwing around I finally found trail off to the side. Well this led me to a Check at Clybourn. We're getting there. Yeah sure. I found trail and went into s few side streets and suddenly an arrow into an alley. Never saw another mark and I worked that area for another ten minutes. Finally called it and ran straight east on Webster to the bar. And the pack was already halfway through the circle. That was soon over and the pack soon dispersed. On Out.
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Fri, Mar 18, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Son Of Spam and Coma Toast laid a trail from from Smith Park, in rainy conditions. Apparently they used flour and I only heard one complaint. The marks were to far apart. I wanted to go and was dressed to go when a wave of heavy rain came through and I had a 6 block walk just to get to the El. And coming home meant a loooooong ride back on Western bus with detours. and I had to get up the next day to lay the trail in soggy woods. NO excuses, just lame reasons. Meat Inside Her, Berts special friend, Lifa and Lower Wackoff showed up and apparently the rain let up enough for the hash and then came down later. On out
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Sat. Mar 19, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz Woods for 5 hounds. Beautiful day with soggy grounds for running. We took off south and through a small prairie following False Advertising and then some woods before going over the the tracks on the bike path. Here was a bit of relatively open woods hashing and then we went into the area were we struggled last month on the no wimps hash and the cracking ice. From here the hare laid a long back check to find the location were he fell through the ice last month. A nasty ditch with a foot of water at the bottom. But back to trail and we headed back north through some woods following Lower Wackoff and Zone 2 along the river to the Tracks and the trestle over the river. By here we had lost all sight of Lifa who missed the concept of the Back Check. Hey, I've done this before. This was just a bit longer. Anyway, trail dipped down near the golf course and the last one I watched heading through there was Back door Bizzle and $20 Butt Slut. This eventually came out and we went along the railroad tracks. There was one section where you could see a lot of Golf Balls along the golf course. A good day and all of the hibernating golfers came out and opened up the Christmas package of a dozen golf balls. then they promtly hit most of then out of bounds. Got a bit rusty Huh. At the finish we must have gotten about 30 balls, and looking brand new. I digress. A short loop inbto some woods and then a short trip through Edgebrook woods and on in. While laying trail I saw a freight train go by. It was the longest one I ever saw. Even an engine in the middle. And it was on the south bound tracks, heading north. Eventually a Metra train came by on the north bound tracks. About five minutes later an Amtrac train came by. And the freight was still going northApparently the freight was on the wrong track s to let those other two trains pass it. But this damn train was so long, that where it was suppossed to merge back to the north bound tracks came up and the passenger trains hadn't ogot there yet. Train hell. It stopped and blocked all roads going north from Central to who knows were, But miles north. It was stopped for over 20 minutes. I was barely able to get around the back of it.
I digress again. Shut this damn writer down. We held circle under the bike bridge over the river and then adjourned to an Irish bar for a Guiness. When it takes about 10 minutes to pour a Guinness, you know they are doing it right. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 20, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dick Hermonica hared from Roosevelt Park and the starting location was, well, screwed up. There was a CH3 mark on the pavement leading into the park and an arrow pointing south and crossed out. I didn't see anyone I thought were hashers, so I assumed the start was changed for some reason. So I went to the park north of there. Nothing. So I went south where I had seen some arrows andfollowed them. They went by one park and on south. I eventually got to the next park and no marks. Circling back I came to a Park that turned out to be a Shot Stop, WTF. I headed back towards what was suppossed to be the start, to verify that the mark was crossed out and I was now in a real bitching mood. And suddenly the pack is coing my way. From where the start was suppossed to be. But why in hell would an arrow pointing to the start be crossed out. WTF. Okay, so I go to the shot stop and drop ff my bag and finally get on trail with the pack. Not the best laid trail, but reasonable with a lot of Splits. West over the Roosevelt Road Bridge and then north to Harrison through some side streets. But mixed up enough that I was able to keep up and even found trail at one point near binnys. But for most of the trail Mommys coming was leading. What else is new. We finally are ehading up hill to that Roosevelt Bridge again and there is a BVN. Yeah, over the edge, or just follow the on out trail backwards for 4.7 miles. But we finally made it in as I followed Pony Pounder and Steps In Shit. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation came in DFL. Lifa was FRB but short cut the last bit and immediately left to catch a trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue 1 Mar 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin laid trail from Park 567 at 1811 N. Milwaukee for 5 hounds. There was only three of us at the start and we missed a quick turn after a split. I'm thinking already that I'll never see Double Meter beater again. But hey, it takes a while to figure out what the hell the hounds are doing. But then we were off down an alley and Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend arrived, late as usual. A quick Check and I'm losing the pack already. That's what happens when the slow old fart tries to actually Check. When I return they are gone. But it was being marked as they went along. So I kept going. We worked out way to Armitage and Milwaukee and a Check. But that was west across Western and south to Winnebago. Here we crossed Milwaukee again and I missed a turn, But I soon found trail and then a mark was missing but trail went through a parking lot and east on Moffat. Somewhere here I got my personal mental compass mixed up. Hell, it happens. We went back to Western and up onto the 606. but it only went across Western and back down. Now the trail is heading west on Blooingdale. Some how my brain has me going east. WTF. SH. Two blocks later the trail goes south and I'm thinking north. At a Check I head west thinking I'm heading east. But things aren't looking right. I finally check a building number. like they all have them, and I'm at 2700W, WTF. So I return and find the trail from that Check and it is back to Western. Now I'm thinking, that is something new on a hash. I was way behind before I f*cked things up and now it is hopelessly worse. So I return to that bridge for 606 on Western and head east. I better be right. I was. And it is straight back to the park and start. And there is False Advertising. He also lost trail. And there are no hares with beer. Finally the rest rolled on in. Then the hares arrived with beer and excuses and we held a short circle. ON Out
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Thu. Mar 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Brother Incisor hared from Irish Eyes. Trail headed straight east in the alley and then no
The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E   rth to Wrightwood. So we're heading east on Wrightwood and the trail is just confusing enough that I'm just catching up to the pack as they take off after Splits, etc. So far so good. We finally head north to Diversey and the pack is finally gone. But trail is marked and it crosses Diversey and east on Surf. As it heads north, I should have spotted the last of the pack as they did a loop. but I missed that and did the loop to Sheridan and back and we finally head north to Belmont and Broadway. A marked Check north. Not. I'm behind and this pack was fast and we all know I'm half fast. So it was time to head west and see if I can intercept the pack on the loop back to Belmont. And suddenly I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, also lost and ranging. We check were we've been and head west. About 1.5 blocks past Shefield there is a mark and as I get there SnatchSquatch bursts out of an alley blowing his whistle like a steam engine blowing off steam. Since they ran through Boys Town I hope that was the only blowing going on. Trail went west a half block and then south. A few more hashers passed me and headed west some more. Not. I'm heading straight south and then east and eventually towards Jonquil Park and there is the pack and groupies hanging around drinking beer. Soon it was back to the bar and SnatchSquatch led circle. And buckets of beer were served. At least I think it was beer. All the bottles seemed to say something about Lite. And we had one returning hasher haven't seen in a long time, Put Put in the Butt. Welcome back. On Out
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Fri Mar 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid Trail from Ravenswood Manor Park at Eastwood and Manor. The CTA f*cked me over again and I was a few minutes late for a late start and they were just about to do circle. So all was good. But the pack was small. Magnetic Muff and SnatchSquatch and that old fart Horn-E. We headed straight west and then into an alley. I saw SnatchSquatch heading south at the end of the alley, but when I got there I didn't see any marks. Well, to make a long story short, hell, this is Horn-E. Short stories are always long. I ended up ranging a block west in the alley to a T and then with still no marks I worked my way south and west to Kedzie. As I ranged south on Kedzie the other two were heading north in the alley I just left but a half block south of me. Big loop, find a Check and it was marked and I go right back to that alley a already ranged down. But there were no marks were I ran and I kept going and there were marks again and a Check. Unmarked. But I find the trail and head a block west, south a block and coming back east, I find the hounds at a hi jack drinking beer with Stuffin Muffin. After that we three ran on and Stuffin Muffin tried to follow. He missed a mark somewhere and ended up on last Sundays trail and found us at the finish which just happened to be where last weeks beer stop was. Hey, it worked. Meanwhile Magnetic Muff and I were trying to follow SnatchSquatch and we were really spread out, But trail went west and north of Lawrence to the River and then south to a beer stop where the hare was waiting. After the beer we ran on to the track crossing at Rockwell and then eventually to the Wilson ave bridge over the river and back to start. We held a laid back Moon style circle. Back Door Bizzle got a down down for the whitest brightest socks I ever saw at a Moon Hash. Like they were made from slices of cheese from the Full Moon. Only this was a First Crack of the Moon Hash. But they provided plenty of light. After circle the Muffins went home, SnatchSquatch returned on trail looking for lost property. And Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. All was good. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Florida Man and Its Too Soft hared from 916 W. Fullerton, ITS's old condo, under going rehab. Hey, its for sale. Make him and offer he can't refuse. In circle we find out we will be on Blue Chalk. OH NO!!! Trail headed west and north and these young kids left this old man behind in about four or five blocks. The last one I saw was False Advertising and his Orange Elmer Fudd Hat. But I ran on and suddenly there is Furry Spice and his two virgins, J. Beth and J Katy catching up. Well, that didn't last long and about three blocks later they are gone. I am now heading west on Fullerton and trail goes between some buildings. Well at the end, I find a mark pointing across the street. Did I say Blue Chalk. Never saw the turn mark across the street. Finally Zone 2 comes along and sees the marks and we're off to the west. Okay, the hares marks were mostly big and pointing right to the next mark, but you couldn't really see a lot of them until you were right on them, and don't blink. Please never in the dark. White chalk or drywall. So the two of us plow ahead, She's mostly walking and I'm almost walking. Trail finally heads west on Diversey and then north. Here she used technology on trail. GPS. Found out where she was and hit the short cut button. Meanwhile I'm now running on alone. North three blocks and then south on Lincoln to a Check at Jonquil Park. They are already gone. These kids not only run fast they drink fast. Oh how I remember the old days. Back at the condo we gather in the back yard for circle. 20 hounds. There Back Door Bizzle led circle. Horn-E f*cked up a couple of songs. And he's sober. We need to get him drunk again. There was one other virgin there. Just Erin. And someone we haven't seen for a while, A bag of Ds. And most of the usual suspects. After circle was chili mac and pork chops inside the condo and the drinking went on and on. and I am On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  




The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Feb 23, 2022,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Lifa laid trail from Rebel and Rye for a nice pack of two six packs. And we were soon off to the north and west and over the expressway . Then a quick Check on a side street. And when I got there, they were already heading north to another Check at Green Street. Now this one was weird. No one was finding anything. I followed Meet Insider Her north. Looking back I saw someone heading east rapidly. So I paralleled to Halsted and checked the far corner in case trail headed over the bridge. Nothing. On my return, I found a False on Green Street from that Check. Okay. Back at the Check there was almost no one. I followed Berts Special Friend and False Advertising south to that last Check and then just False Advertising heading west in an alley. There were marks. Well. WTF was that other Check all about. We're soon on to the west. Following west I fell behind and saw a turn north. I guessed that it was heading to a foot bridge over the expressway and short cut to where that comes out and there was False Advertising, Checking. And soon there was Lower Wackoff also. I checked south. Nothing. Finally in desperation we rechecked where False Advertising already happened to run, There was the true trail. Damn. So we run on and on and off we run into Stuffin Muffin also. At one point I get the lead and lead us south and then east in alleys and get passed as we go east and through a gangway. I'm now falling behind and head south but no one in sight. So as I work my way into the street to cross the street, some guy is suddenly following me. And following me. WTF. I finally get an opening in traffic and run on and finally loose him. Weird. But now I have also lost the trail. Heading east to check the Chicago Ave Bridge, I come up empty. So, Grand is next and heading south I see Stuffin Muffin running ahead. So I find trail again and then loose it again and I'm heading east again and a block south of Grand and back on trail. Walking at one point. Lower Wackoff finally catches me. Where the F*ck did he come from. And around the corner we are ON IN. And some how Stuffing Muffin is also behind us. No circle and soon half the pack went back to the bar while the rest of us hung out for a bit. Eventually we got cold and headed on to the bar and I got a ride from Double Meter Beater. He dropped me at the Belmont EL. Hey, DMB, that was a mistake on my part. Train stopped at Wilson for trouble in one of the cars. Fire Department was called. A block away. And we just sat there waiting. Even sucks when you catch your train. On Out
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Thu. Feb 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Lifa laid trail from the Senior Citizens Park and it was snowing hard enough to require a live trail and he waited, hoping no one would show up and he could go home. Not happening. Suddenly there was Furry Spice and eventually Dickinme Twofiddy. Damn. So he took off on a short trail of about 2 miles. Unfortunately he laid two many checks and the two hounds really struggled and actually made it a hash. Or so I heard or maybe heard. On Out
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Sat. Feb 26, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Castration Sensation came down from Milwaukee to lay this 10 mile plus hash from Chase Park. And three actually finished the trail. We had a pack of 7 hounds at the start. And trail headed to the west and under some tracks. heading north there was some confusion as to where the trail went. So I continued north to Lawrence and then west and found myself paralleling the course. A few blocks later the trail came to where I was and I was leading the back pack. We went north and around the high school at Damen and Foster. As I was running through the park I commented to Magnetic Muff that we will probably never see those front runners again and suddenly they were right in front of us. Regroup. Yea! The trail then headed back east and eventually back to the start for a quick beer stop. I took off right away and ended up running east on Lawrence and south a block and east to Broadway. Here SnatchSquatch, Lifa and Stiffy 4 Stiffies were catching up to me. Again back to Lawrence and further east. Here is where my ankle started to act up and I decided to call it before I got to far from the start. Smart move. Trail went all the way to the lake and a loop and then back to the start for the full 10 miles course. Somewhere along here, Back Door Bizzle also stopped and returned to the start. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin only planned to run about four and quit at the beer stop, I hung with them until I got cold and headed home. Back Door Bizzle hung through the circle until the pack headed over to Carols. On Out
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Sun. Feb 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dryrafoam hared from Horner Park for 15 hounds. Trail headed through the park and south to Irvng Park. From here the trail headed almost all the way to Western.  and the pack was out of sight. I plodded on. Finally heading north I managed to see Back Door Bizzle ahead. I caught up and we ran on to Montrose. Then it was straight east to Lincoln. At Lincoln the two of us headed straight north. That was getting enough for me. Back Door Bizzle ran on for awhile before quitting and short cutting back. Meanwhile I ran straight west and over the bridge, constantly hoping for a mark and finally after the bridge I crossed trail. And this was just south of the beer stop, but I don't think they were there yet. Florida Man told me he got 7.1 miles. Glad I quit when I did. The pack finally got in and Back Door Bizzle got the circle going. We had two virgins, and welcomed them to our insanity. And they did empty their cans properly. Welcome. And all through circle people kept asking about Homeless Granny Fucker. Did he get nostalgic crossing one of the bridges? Or just quit like myself and BDB? On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Feb 15, 2022. The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared out of Brands Park for a six pack of hounds. We headed north to a Check on Elston. And we were still together. Trail went west around a little park and some damn slippery sidewalk and over to Kedzie and south. There was a Check at Belmont that I never saw because Berts Special Friend was already coming north on the other side of the street and ON. So I head On and at the first turn I missed the next mark until Magnetic Muff came along and spotted a mark heading north in an alley. Back on we head over towards the expressway and sort of along it. And I'm falling behind. But I'm still following MM and at Sacramento there was a Check I missed. And suddenly MM is coming back towards me. WTF. Oh, check. I think this is where Lower Wackoff passed me as the trail then went east and south. Again, near the expressway. At one point there is a little loop through an empty lot and back to a north street. And suddenly False Advertising zips by me and heads off in the distance. Another check at Elston and we head east towards Rockwell. North on Rockwell and a little loop and we are heading east over the bridge on Belmont. Mid bridge and cross the street and to the river walk area and there is the pack at a beer stop. Okay. Oh. More trail. Now here is where SnatchSquatch pulls something I never saw before. Trail goes north along the path to the rowing shed. Here is a Check at the river. And no marks anywhere. Finally the pack somehow finds themselves heading back south and there is a changed mark at the beer stop, heading back south on the path to Belmont, over the river, and back north on the river path on the west bank, and another Beer stop. And where am I. Still working that Check. And then they are gone. So I figure it can only go north and I make my way to Addison and cross the bridge west. Only way left to try is go south on California and at Roscoe I head east to that River walk and there is the pack. Damn. FRB twice on one hash. We held circle there and all was good. Also on trail was Meat Inside Her. Way out of sight as usual. When we left I headed straight south to Belmont and damn, the CTA gets it right for once. I run to the bus stop and just catch a bus. On Out
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Thu. Feb 17, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Garmin hare from Senn Park and there was just myself and Brother Incisor. Finally Dickinme Twofiddy arrives and about 7;50 we take off. This was a live trail due to snowing and blowing snow. We headed straight east and the trail went into the front park area of Senn H. S, Here I lost the other two. Damn. But I finally find trail at the south east edge of the school area and I'm On in an alley. But all I see are one set of foot prints. The Hare? One of the other two hounds? I work my way on through some twisting and finally get to a Check at Broadway. And there are the other two, checking. We find trail across Broadway and heading south in an alley. This wound around to another check coming out of the alley at Broadway and just north of Bryn Mawr. I saw BI heading south and she looked On, so I followed and only two marks. I head back north and across Broadway and I think I spot DT heading south, Again I head south and nothing and neither of the other two, Returning I work my way north and west and finally find a Triple Split on Ridge. Now they are long gone so I'm on my own and the mark aren't swept. Through an alley and finally on streets and alleys heading west to just before Broadway. Here the trail got super simple. Straight north in an alley with a Split at every opportunity. I kept picking straight and was on. Finally I pick a left and I'm On to a Check at the Military Memorial at Clark and Ashland. I find this aright away and after a loop I didn't need because of not seeing the marks, I was on and again straight north for four blocks to Elmdale. A right turn and a block later it was heading past the little park. Next stop for the finish is the alley behind the hares place or Double Bubble as was mentioned before the hash. If they are outside, they are long gone. If they are inside, I can't get in. And I'm two short blocks home. And looking forward to over an hour of shoveling snow, I headed home while I was still warmed up and shoveled snow. On Out.  
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Sat. Feb 19, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared out of Edgebrook Woods for a no wimps hash. And it was. Mid to upper 20s, no wind, sunny. and virgin snow everywhere. I head out to the south with a goal of running through a golf course. Trail went towards the river and at the edge of the hill towards the wet lands, there was ice everywhere. Slippery? Hell yes. Solid? it was/wasn't. But I wasn't sure and avoided it at this point.
Trail went over the foot bridge and then through Lechowicz Woods. We hit another Check near the river  and in the picnic Area. They were still together and scattered. Meat Inside Her headed into the field and eventually found trail at about the fifth mark. They followed and Lower Wackoff finally came out of the woods running last. We went up a hill and left along the hill towards the tracks.
Again, ice or water ahead. The levels were high, so I avoided them while laying trail. Mistake as the ice was solid enough, most of the time. So I aimed for the bike path bridge over the tracks and a long back check to the top.
MIH caught that. As the returned, Berts Special Friend found the trail and they headed over the tracks. I was sweeping with Back Door Bizzle. Trail headed into the woods were I chased three deer. This heads to a ridge over more wetlands. While laying this, I couldn't resist. I had done that section both frozen and wet and the water is never very deep. a foot or so. So why not. This was slippery as all hell. I mean real slippery. Remember, about 28 degrees and bright sun. It looked dry and mostly was, but there was just a slim film of wet making it the slipperyest ice I ever crossed, Then half was across it starts cracking. Ooops. Huge sections were cracking here and there as I tried to walk on that slick ice. I finally got out and figured that would be great for the pack. And it was, As they arrived BDB held back with $20 Butt Slut. His excuse, The dog was light, You might crack the ice. MIH also walked the fringe area. But BSF ventured out about ten feet and tried as best as he could to walk to the end. And then we had LWO. He was following trail and suddenly he just upends and flat on his side on the ice. Now you can stand on the ice. You can walk on the ice. But you can only fall through the ice and he did. Fortuately the ice was thick enough and the water shallow enough that he only got slightly wet. From head to toe.
So we are now off the ice and over some hilly areas and along the river to the two sloughs, frozen and tempting. I remember holding circle on the first one, one year. Frozen solid. But we just had cracking ice and this would be a little deeper. I'm thinking a foot or two, maybe more. I'm not doing that alone. But a little further I venture off the path towards the area between the two sloughs. An area about fifty feet between them and slightly down hill, Well not that slight. I venture out and it cracks a little. The area looked like white water river that suddenly froze. I mean hilly and bowed in the middle. Well about two or three tentative steps out and crack and through the ice I go. About six inches to solid ground and it was dry. WTF. But it took another fifteen minutes or so to get out of there. Real slick and bowed in the middle so I'm on slippery ice trying to climb out on hands and knees, up hill, and then to a steep hill covered in snow. Okay, I make that. Then I go around the second slough to the river path again. Here is about fifty feet of slick ice about 6 feet wide on the normal path. It finally splits and one part goes towards the river. And two damn close and looking slippery and very shallow ice. So, I'm smarter then that. Yeah, sure. I drift to the right and climb over a log and suddenly I am two foot through the ice and I feel the water rushing up inside my pants legs. What happened was I stepped out onto the drainage ditch to the river. The water froze after a rain and then the water underneath slowly ran off. Well, most of it. Damn. No support for the ice and boom. Well, it was cold, but those plastic bags between two layers of socks helped and it really wasn't that cold. So I climbed out and then had to go back and put in a very large False for the pack. 
So finally the pack arrives at the sloughs. I dared them and challenged them to do it. and ,aom;u BSF and BDB and I got into that cracking ice and on our hands and knees trying to get the hell out of there. LW has some video of me, flat on my belly trying to do a breast stroke and move forward and the ice was so slick I couldn't move an inch. And LW  is yelling out for the video, "Come on old man,. We have to get you back to the nursing home." And civilians are walking by on the nearby path wondering what they hell they are doing to that poor old man. I finally managed to get to a frozen stick and pull myself forward. Then it was crawling along a log and up hill and the damn pack just left me behind.
From here the pack ran by Forest Glen Picnic area and back down to wet lands. but time is moving forward after my ice encounters and I had to move on.
And the pack was moving with BSF and MIH leading as we crossed the Forest Glen bridge and into woods heading to the Golf Course. On the golf course the trail was fairly straight, but with soe checks and Splits and our leaders had trouble finding tehm and the last one was found by LW. We headed to the northwest corner of the golf course and a little gulley where the fence didn't go all the way to the ground. And once again I had the pack on their knees crawling under. Then they did one more loop in the woods and a final Check near the tracks. But it idn't go to the cars, but back to that fence and the B. I had already gotten the beer out and we held a fun circle out of the wind and in the sun. and all was good. Swing Low and On out.
This was the trail of the year, and it will take a lot to beat that ice. On Out
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Sun. Feb 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash, This was laid by Coming Right Meow and Homeless Granny Fucker out of her home. We had 20 hounds on trail. This was just the opposite of the Bushman trail from the day before, Just a big loop around the loop. Few tricks like a normal hash, but a nice run with the highlights being the River Walk area. I was On at the first Check but didn't go far enough so I ended up near the back of the pack as we ran north on Michigan. And yet, somehow the FRBs kept passing me by. We ran up towards the bean and then north towards the river and down to the river walk. Now I'm running with the sweep so I'm On the rest of the way. For sure. And a lot of marks did disappear with the melting snow. I ended up running with Zone 2 and Back Door Bizzle. The best part of this hash was the circle in her living room with Back Door Bizzle playing RA. And the circle went on for quite a long time. Haven't done that in a long time with cold outside circles. She also provided some grub for us. Then we hung out a long time, something that hasn't been done outside as we all finally get to damn cold. So thanks for that. X
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  





The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Feb 10, 2022 Dickinme Twofiddy laid a hash for the Thirstday Hash, from a park just south of North on Larrabee for 7 hounds. The trail headed west to the area of Strip Malls near North and Clybourn where the hare led us in tight circles, but mostly well marked, well, when we could find the marks. Hell, with all of the twisting back and forth even Horn-E was able to keep the pack in sight for a while. Then we went down along the river and the only one still in sight was Lifa. And he was pulling away. He left the river and followed the pack. I left the river and found an unswept Check at North Ave. Ooops. That area has so many options. I headed west and found a second mark, a Triple Split. I looked north and south and saw no one. So I tried over the bridge. Not. Back to the Split. I guessed north and was right. But over these abandoned track and snow, there didn't seem to be enough footprints. I finally emerged at the road and couldn't find a mark. Few foot prints, no mark along the tracks and not at the road, spells NOT. Actually it was and I heard from SnatchSquatch that Stiffy 4 Stiffies finally found a mark and the pack was On. Meanwhile I went in a huge loop trough the strip malls, checking both side of streets and all four corners. NADA. Also directly north from that Check. Finally heading east on north I found a mark going south. But only one. Damn. Time is now moving on, so I headed to a mark I saw before the start. Headed north, back trail, to the BN Check. But did they already go by or where they yet to arrive. I turned back and was soon passed by Garmin. And just before a hole in a fence into the park, the rest of the pack started to arrive. So we all did sort of finish together. We circled and punished the hare. Who else was there. Dryrafoam and Furry Spice. I finally started to get cold and headed On Out.
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Sun, Feb 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. A starting location was finally set and then reset on Sat for the Pony Inn. I assumed that meant Pony Pounder was the new GM and he was setting trail with Silent But Deadly. Right. So they finally came out of the RESTRICTED bar and we could get started. I counted 14 hounds. We took off with some running trail and some running to a shag wagon. When we got to the first Check at a massive six corner intersection, some were scattered about, in all directions and more to come. I opted to the south and east and then back to the south. I was on following Dickinme Twofiddy and Lower Wackoff and whoever might be ahead and out of sight. I finally settled in with Lower Wackoff and we found a little on our own and were finally caught be Garmin leading three virgins and North Bangher Alley. They flew by us. We were joined by Back Door Bizzel and the three of us became a DFL pack as we followed Lower Wackoff over mostly swept marks. We finally headed west on Diversey towards Damen and a street before that we headed north. Then over to this park on Damen and a beer check and a circle. By now I was following them and the definite DFL. Circle started with False Advertising playing RA. The hares were called out often with Pony Pounder drinking and Silent But Deadly remaining silent on her fairwell GM Hash. I got called out and had to find a stunt liver because my drink was back in the shag wagon 3/4th of a mile away. Damn. The three virgins were called out, but I never heard their names, because I'm half deaf, and after circle we headed back to the RESTRICTED bar. But these were more virgins brought out by Dickinme Twofiddy. Well done. And his Harriet virgin wasn't drinking so he had to be her stunt liver. But it was a short circle and I'm, On Out              .
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

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The Tale of the Trail
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Missed last week because AOL/YAHOO blocked me and wouldn't even respond and tell me wha was wrong. Turne out they are bitching about SPAM again. So I will have to do another purge of the list and cut back on who wants these messages and thox=se that movednon or let them messages fall into Spam. Everyone who want on is always welcome. Everyone will get three messages to reply or be dropped. Meanwhile, enjoy this weeks tales.
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Tue, Feb 1, 2022 Cockholm Syndrome laid a 4X2H4 hash from Columbus and Monroe for four hounds. Rain turning to snow was expected. It didn't happen and we had a nice and interesting hash. Some new stuff. We started out with a Check and naturally I was off in the wrong direction, south towards Buckingham fountain. Trail went north along the lake. By the time I got across the Lake Shore Drive, they were long gone. Trail headed up towards the river and eventually under a bridge and Lake Shore Drive into this park. Uphill to Upper Randolph and then down stairs towards the lowest level. I plunge on with no hope of seeing anyone again and suddenly as I'm heading north on Lower Columbus, I see Lower Wackoff. and a short time later a call from LIfa and Sharti B. Well, it is back towards the little park and then up a lot of stairs. No wonder the hare didn't want to sweep. Here the trail headed through some doors and we were now in the tunnel system between buildings. We were to follow post it notes on various doors. Yeah, when they were there. But we did regroup as we struggled trying to find our way from one building to another. We finally lost Lifa, or he lost us as he found trail the way it was laid. The other three got lost and just found our way out of those tunnels and such. We headed south and at Randolph we again found trail that took us along the east side on Millennium Park and eventually ON IN. And we hung around for a few beers and ON Home. On Out
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Wed, Feb 2, 2022, Horn-E laid a First Crack of the Moon Hash from Warren Park for two brave hounds. That snow we expected last night finally arrived over night. A good hour or more of shoveling heavy snow. Then wait to see what it would be like at 5:00 for laying trail. Snow stopped and mainly just some blowing snow. Walked over 1.5 miles to the start so I could walk 3 miles to lay trail and run 3 miles sweeping trail and another 1.5 miles on home. The paths in the park were sort of shoveled with that blowing snow. I laid marks and hoped. It was a good thing I swept the trail because in the park the marks were mostly covered. But trail went north through streets and alleys. Damn, but most people actually shoveled and edge to edge and some on the corners went right into the street. Of course there were the assholes who never shovel. So the hounds, Garmin and Lower Wackoff struggled at times and other time it was smooth sailing. The goal was Indian Boundry Park and a loop through there. Some how Lower Wackoff emerged in front as trail headed south and they left me behind. But the marks were mostly damn good. bright red on white snow and under street lights. They ran on and finally returned to Warren Park were the end of the trail was straight across a field of mostly virgin snow and my foot prints. About 6 to 8 inches deep. When I got to the Beer Stop, the hounds were drinking Modelo and Tecate and Lower Wackoff was declared FRB for finding the beer. Once we stopped we started to get cold pretty fast and about five beers between them and we were gone. Damn long walk home. And then another hour of shoveling. WTF.  On Out              .
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Thu. Feb 3, 2022,  The Thirstday Hash was set by Gay Dancer from his apartment on Magnolia for four hounds and one late comer that struggled but only got through a block and a half of trail in about 45 minutes. Yeah, that late comer was me. The El said the trail was coming in five minutes. Fifteen minutes later it arrived. So I got off at 7:32 and ran to the hares place. They had just finished circle and were gone. True trail was marked straight north. As I left the alley, white snow everywhere and no mark. WTF. Two directions and two sides of the street. So it must be straight down the alley. Not. Return and still find nothing. Check the corners a half block away in both directions. Nothing. So back north in the alley to Lawrence. Nothing. Around the block and sweeping wide on Broadway, I return and still nothing. I try one more time to the west and finally see across the street a turn mark in a snow bank and melting in. WTF. I return to find out what the hell I missed. At the original alley, right next to a post in dirty ice and snow was the remnants of a mark in the shadows. So I know it was there. Move on. North on Magnolia and never found another mark, all the way to Lawrence and around the corner. Returned and nothin. So I head back to chalk talk area and head south looking for a possible On Back trail I can follow backwards. Yeah. And this I followed without to much trouble to Wilson and Broadway and the pack was already returning. At that point it wasn't worth going on and it seemed silly to follow them on in and not even be able to drink beer. So I headed home. Don't know what the trail was like, but was told marks were iffy all along. On Out.
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Sun. Feb 6, 2022. The Chicago Hash, the last anal winter snow hash, and we actually had snow this year. Set by Reverend Shut the Fuck Up and Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Lifa from her home on University, for an uncounted number but about 12 runners and about 5 or 7 walkers. We headed north and worked our way towards the Midway Plaisance. I was following and the last person I saw was Stuffin Muffin. I thought I saw hounds heading towards the lake, but I was wrong. Returning to the street were the trail actually was I found a Split. This time it looked like it was marked east and I went a long way east. Nothing. Around the block and nothing. Well. I finally did find it to the west and was On to a Check at the Midway Plaisance. It was swept with an arrow pointing across the street and a little west. And there was a path. I followed the path and found a chalk arrow pointing a little east of straight north, into virgin snow and no footprints. WTF. I cross all the way to the Campus and run in circles back and forth and can't find trail. So, one last desperate attempt. a wide loop to the west and then clockwise. And I finally found a mark coming out of snow with only one set of footprints. WTF. I follow this a block west and into Washington Park. A nice loop of beaten down snow from the pack, around a fence and onto the lagoon and the island. Then around another fence into the lagoon and pretty straight out of the park to the south. Fun stuff. Would have been great with the pack. From here it was mostly marked and back and forth on streets heading towards the finish. Not all marks were swept and I still made a few bad decisions before finally coming to the last Check by the cemetery on 67th St. Marked east. And it went east to University and east and east and east and WTF. Finally at the tracks was the B and of course the pack was long gone. I got back in  mid circle and it was a good circle by Cockholm Syndrome. After that there were brats and foot long hot dogs for some good belly fill and I was finally offered a ride home by Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Thanks loads. On Out

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Feb 2, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail from the Twisted Spoke at Grand and Ogden for the 8th Anniversary Hash. And then they decided to do what shouldn't have been done, do what was done on the first Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Blue flour in the dark and snow. Unfortunately it all to often looked like dirty snow and was hard to make out. We came to a quick Split and trail crossed Ogden and went south to Grand and then west. And Horn-E is doing what he does best, fall behind the pack. They crossed Grand heading south and then back east in an alley and I caught up for a brief moment. At Ogden, trail headed south and under the tracks. I was on following them, but the leaders were gone. I saw a blue mark. So far so good. Two blocks later I still hadn't seen another mark and for once I had a flashlight. WTF. I returned and finally found another mark, So I turned south again. Still nothing. I'm totally behind the pack and no hope of ever catching them so I tried to use my brain. Brains never find Hares or Whiskey Stops. But I tried. Ranged East to the bridge and nothing. So I ranged south on Ogden thinking a Whiskeyr stop at the usual frigid corner. Nothing. Searched that whole area and back across the expressway and other known Whiskey Stops. Nothing. I head for the start and hope that they might have written on the side walk where the Whiskey Stop was. And just as I was arriving, the hares drove up, after the Whiskey Stop. I had fun running around, but it was time to go home due to the frigid weather and our FU mayor's discriminating dictates about drinking inside. Come on Bus.
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Thu. Jan 27, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her, again trying to hare. This time from the CTA Station at North and Clybourn. We took off to the south and immediately couldn't find trail. So Horn-E is doing what he does best. Searching for trail in the wrong direction. And the pack was off to the east. I did manage to catch them coming out of a dead end street. And apparently that was the theme of the day, Back Checks and little loops back and forth through malls and such and finally working its way to the south, We headed into this big field full of snow and I'm falling behind as usual. At Division there was a Check. I didn't know that, but I did see SnatchSquatch heading west over the bridge yelling On. He wasn't. As I got to the street and sidewalk I saw a shopping cart. Great place to hang my clothes as I tried to take off two sweat shirts. I was sweating and over dressed. Meanwhile the pack is returning on the other side of the street. It was only two arrows off of a Check. Remember, that one I didn't know we were at. SnatchSquatch did see me and yelled out to me. "Hay, you homeless POS, we're on and heading east." He knows I can't hear. And I didn't see them until the Beer Stop. I crossed the bridge and couldn't find out where they went. So I assumed Goose Island and headed north. Naturally, no marks. At North I headed back to the start and the hares marked where the Beer Stop was. North two blocks on Clybourn. And just as I got there, Dickinme Twofiddy arrived, the FRB. And within minutes SnatchSquatch came in DFL. That is why he yelled for me. So I would be DFL. We held circle there and all was good and some went to Goose Island and some went home.
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Sun. Jan 30, 2022, The Chicago Hash, SnatchSquatch hared an A to B trail from Ronan Park at 2900 W. Lawrence. Fifteen hounds on this trail. All those people that are afraid of the dark bothered to come out. We were on big Orange flour marks. Just Checks and lines. We headed east over the bridge and a Check. Naturally with park to the north we would head north and the pack quickly left me behind. Ran two blocks north and through some park and the last I saw were some hounds heading west over the bridge. I followed and saw a mark heading into the athletic fields to the north. But I saw some hounds to the east and followed them. They weren't on. They got to Kedzie and headed north. I caught up at Foster. It was Po Po Pick Up Game, Construction Junction, and Brother Incisor. The four of us became the DFLs. We headed west and they crossed the street and joined me and we entered into North Park Campus where the hare wound us all over before finally leaving the campus on Kimball. We then headed west and over the foot bridge. A long block later we did a little loop and the trail then headed into a long alley back north. Construction Junction was way ahead and did this long loop in time for the other two to see her and follow. I didn't and now I am in this long loop. So I run to Lawrence and see a mark heading east on Lawrence. Last mark I saw. I worked my way to the B and came in right behind the others and we were celebrated as the DFLs. The garage door was shut and we circled within. All was good.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Jan 15, 2022, The Bushman Hash #200. Horn-E laid trail from the bus shelter SW corner of Cumberland and Irving Park, sometimes called Horn-E woods. Well, I have laid a bunch of trail from there. We had a nice turnout of 10 hounds for our anniversary. Lifa had beer for me to set out at the B. So after a quick chalk talk they were off in cold and a lot of virgin show. And the trail led to the tunnel under Irving Park and no one took it. All right, SnatchSquatch would have had to crawl, but it was solid ice so no problem. Just Do Me Slowly could walk through upright and pulled him through on his back. Trail went through the creek bed following coyote tracks and then into the high grasses. The pack blew right through that and finally came to a Check at the Southeast corner of the Forest Preserve. Here the attempt was to go through the golf course, but the holes in the fences were all repaired. Dam government. So trail went west on a wide path to a point where it was easy to get into some serious woods running. Then a few paths and back to the creek bed near where it enters the river. And the pack was mostly together. And I was trying to sweep and missed it. After I laid the beer stop I ran to that wooded section and they were already through there. Shit happens. So anyhow the pack headed to a picnic grove near Irving Park and the river. A big field and a Check. And there is a hidden path in the Southeast corner of the field and they couldn't find it for the longest time. Well, at least some couldn't as a few managed to find it and not pass on the word to the rest of the pack. Chicken Stifer first. then SnatchSquatch, Berts Special Friend, and On and through some nasty shiggy before coming out to trails on in. Finally the back of the pack came on into the circle. Meat Inside Her, False Advertising, Zone 2, Lifa, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly and Back Door Bizzle. Then most of us headed over to Draft for a warm up beer or two.
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Sun. Jan 16, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Just Carlos and Garmin hared from Bar On Buena and we had 21 hounds. What the hell happened. Did we just get a warn spell. No, it was cold. So we took off and the pack was soon gone and I was in back with Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Coming Right Meow, Zone 2 and Back Door Bizzle. And the virgin hare sweeping and making sure we didn't get lost. Good Job J. Carlos. So we went on a counterclockwise loop around Uptown and finally into Lincoln Park. We actually had glimpses of the front pack, but there was no way we would catch them. But eventually we almost caught them near Montrose Harbor, almost. And we could again see then run away from us and back under Lake Shore Drive and to the Beer Stop. Back Door Bizzle led the circle, a short one and then we named J. Carlos. And he will forever more be know as Homeless Granny Fucker.
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Mon. Jan 17, 2022,  The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lifa hared from Independence Park and from the map, it was a decent trail. To bad I missed it. Well, I started out on the trail and followed Berts Special Friend and then Stuffin Muffin as we headed west along the Expressway and the little path to Pulaski. There the trail went south under the Expressway and a Split. Stuffin Muffin went west so I went east. And I was ON, but didn't see the mark. I returned to the Split as everyone else arrived there. So we returned to where I was and Magnetic Muff saw the mark just passed where I turned around. All right, we are heading in a counter clockwise loop. Ooops, damn hare. He looped us back to Pulaski and a Check. I followed Stuffin Muffin south still thinking CCW. Nothing. So he returned to the pack and I looped around trying to intersect the trail. Damn. I crossed the trail but never saw it. Damn I'm getting old. So I ended up ranging north, checking all four corners, block after block to Montrose. Heading east now I finally found the trail coming out of an alley and a Split. Meanwhile the pack was to the west and north having fun with back checks and falses and such and running together. Damn. So from here it was a short distance to the B in a parking lot behind Tony's market. But it still took me a long time as I guessed every Split and Check wrong. And still I came in ahead of everyone by at least ten minutes. And they all came in one at a time. Then we headed back to the start for circle. Quick and cold and then we Split. I walked to the corner and there was my warm bus and all was good.
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Thu. Jan 20, 2022. The Thirstday Hash. Escort Required and Just Juice from Copenhagen and Gay Dancer were haring from Clark and North. I wanted to get there early enough to talk with my old friend Escort Required, but shit happens. I checked the CTA web site for directions. Actually the time to leave home. I dialed in Clark and North and Google just doesn't have any idea of what Chicago is. They were sending me to North Clark. North Clark goes from Madison to Evanston. But they picked Addison and gave me the time for that. I didn't notice the error and so I arrived at the start at 7:40. Circle was over and the pack was gone. I found a Check and was off looking for them. A very short time later I was at another Check just north of the start and La Salle Drive in the park. I struggled with this one going north, but not far enough, circling back I checked west and north west and finally heard what sounded like an On On call. To the north, somewhere. So I returned to that original direction and looked further and found trail. Good I'm ON and if I did hear an On call I might not be that far behind. Actually as I'm heading around the east end of the lagoon, the pack was already finishing at another path in that area and just to the south of the lagoon and nearer to the Farm in the Zoo from where I was. So, where did the trail go. Around the lagoon and a Check that I found right away. Then straight over to Clark and a Split and quick Check. Well I worked the Split and then the Check and finally found trail heading straight south on Clark, I did hit a Split that was swept. Wrong. Two blocks later and nothing I returned to the Split and went the other way and was soon on and right to the Beer Stop. I saw a light and headed there and saw three hashers walking away. One hare, Gay Dancer and Garmin and I'm not sure who else. Damn masks are not needed in the open air of a park. But I did meet Just Juice and Escort Required and found out that they just finished circle. Apparently Grateful Dick was also there at the start and never made the beer stop. And no one seemed to care. The whole trail couldn't have been much more then a mile. And no one was staying in the park. Cold, but no wind and pretty nice. But they were off to a bar where discrimination reins and I was not allowed in because I care for my health and won't take experimental dangerous shots that don't really work. So I headed to a bus and was home before 9:30. That never happens. WTF.  At least it might have been worth it if there was a decent length of trail.
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Sun. Jan 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dryrafoam Laid trail from Eugene Park. Another trail that got fucked up. But Dryrafoam at least tried to lay a decent trail. Fresh snow and people plowing and marks getting covered over were all a problem. That and apparently an on out trail and Check right across the street from and on back trail. At least I think that is what happened. Anyway a nice pack of a dozen hounds took off to the west and Foster. Somehow at the first corner we headed south and after a long block, we all walked back. A messed up mark. So we thought it was a Check and some went straight west and found the Check at south west corner of Pulaski. Lower Wackoff and myself crossed Foster and did a short little loop path we knew about. Nothing. At Pulaski the rest of the pack was checking. We saw a mark on the North east corner, but we just came from the east so that couldn't have been it. It was the return trail along Foster and we didn't go that way. We checked north and finally I went into the strip mall parking lot and I checked the far corner. Apparently if I went around the back I might have found the trail to a small section of housing north of the forest preserve, At least I was told that is where the trail went. Meanwhile the pack finally found marks heading east on Foster. The on back trail that Lower Wackoff and I missed. When I returned to the Check, I thought I saw Lower Wackoff heading that way and went over there, But by the time I got there he was gone and so I returned to the Check. From here I ranged to the south and finally heading east I intended to return to the start and find the trail and run it backwards. And as I heading east I suddenly saw three hounds heading west on an area I just checked and there were no marks. Well I followed then thinking they were on something. They lost me and I wandered on in to the start and there was the whole pack almost. WTF. Finally All Bush No Balls came in DFL. I think she might have actually found trail at that Check and was finally coming in. the only one who actually ran most of the trail. Back Door Bizzle ran a circle and then offered me a ride home. Bye bye. Two too short trail in a row.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
Tue Jan 4, 2022. The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin laid trail from the little park on the NE Corner of Michigan and Oak. We had 6 hounds and took off to the south along the beach. Over ran a turn through the first tunnel and found a Check at Division and Lakeshore Dr. The 4 FRBs were gone down an alley to the west, Lifa, Sharti B, Cockholm Syndrome and Furry Spice. All I saw after that was Lifa for a few blocks heading west on Division. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff fell behind at that check and wasn't seen until the beer stop. That leaves me, Horn-E. I struggled seeing some marks and other areas were really marked well. West to Orleans and then south. That was a check were I was naturally off the wrong way. Then trail worked its way east and to a Check at Bug House Square. Naturally I went around the block the wrong way. But finally got back on and worked myself south and east to Michigan. Another Check but I was on this one and went south for several blocks before heading east and then north to the Park at Chicago Ave. I got in just before Lower Wackoff who finally lost the trail and had to call it. Quick circle and we were off.
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Wed. Jan 5, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lower Wackoff hared his 25th anniversary winter moon hash from the Forest Glen Forest Preserve. At the start there were only 4 of us and we took off into the woods on a frigid night. Orange marks on trees and red marks in snow. Lifa and Garmin were sone gone and I was alone looking for any sign of a mark. Finally the hare, sweeping, and Just Do Me Slowly came along and we struggled along the trail heading northwest along the river through trail and off trail. Finally started to see some of the marks and visualize to what I was looking for. At the Tracks we headed north on the track, diving for cover as Amtrack blew on through and eventually came off the tracks at Edgebrook Woods. Check. The hare had to point it out. And there didn't look like any other foot prints around. Where were the rest. Did Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her ever show up. Where they coming behind us. The hare pointed out the trail and we headed to the foot bridge and then through a parking lot and into a big field. There I was left alone while the Hare and JDMS went for pizza. Yeah. Really. Ok, it was takeout for the circle. I was sent off on a big loop that would get me through some city streets. Missed most of that and found the two blocks before the trail went back into the woods. From here it went under the foot bridge over the tracks and then along the tracks. Suddenly I heard, On In and there was the pack and the late comers, in a deep depression out of the wind, drinking beer and hot chocolate. A few minutes later the hare arrived with Pizza and we had a short circle enjoying what we could in the single digit cold. No wussies here.
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Thu. Jan 6, 2022. The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail from Wang Park for the few and hardy no wimps hashers. And another frigid night of single digits. Mommys Coming was soon long gone, although I did spot him once more returning from a Split. I was behind All Bush No Balls. Garmin ws also long gone. So I'm on my own again. Trail was heading south and towards Clybourn and some malls. A check there and I finally lost trail. but I wandered the parking lot and worked my way past Costco to Clybourn and Diversey. A Check. Hey, I hadn't found the last one yet. Well I looped the intersection Counterclockwise before finding were the pack came to that Check. Start over. And damn, the trail out was were I should have come in and now I knew where the trail should go. So I short cut to the river and there is the trail. Along the river and then working its way north and by a big park. Damn, they aren't there. So I find trail east and finally figure out were they were heading and I'm in in time to end the circle and withing 10 minutes we were gone.
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Sat. Jan 8, 2022,  The Big Dog Hash. The Eight Beer Stop Hash. On Friday night I got an email that my co hare couldn't make it. I could have made a call or two and maybe found a co-hare. This is a hard hash to set alone. You have to carry a case and a half of beer with you as you set trail. But I had an "Here, hold my beer" moment and decided I would try to do it myself. Like I got hit by a stupid stick. I wanted to be in the woods by 10AM. It was 11:30. Over two hours by bus hauling all of the shit I needed. I weighed myself when I woke up. 153.2. I left home weighing 216.6 with winter gear and supplies and beer. I formed a plan and took off. After walking fom the El to the woods, I knew it was time to change plans. Laying the trail backwards. Get rid of the heaviest beer stop loads first. Gone was 8 beers. A short time later, gone was 7 beers. Re adjust my loads and leave one bag behind. Now there was no way I would finish trail in time to get back to the start going backwards. So I headed to the start to set the rest of the trail forward. Into the woods and a slightly different direction then normal. And right there, at the very start, I found out that Lower Wackorr tripped over a log covered in snow and face planted on another log. Ouch. Are you okay??? For safety sake, after the hash he was driven home. I digress.  and with all that white snow, I lost track of where I was and direction. And I ran a back check into a loop and back on myself. WTF. I finally eliminated that and they never found it. Good. But where the f8ck was I. Compass.  Found south and after a few more f*ck ups I finally came to the stream. Frozen solid. With all the delays and shit, I figured I could lay Beer Stop #1 here, so the lead hound could stand there drinking beer and watch everyone else try to stand without falling. Here is where SnatchSquatch and Chicken Ctiffer ranged. It was a Check, and found marks at the nearby path. Damn, they could have snared me. But the rest of the pack ran on. Beer Stop #2 was in this lean two built with logs in the deep woods. Yogi's home. And B.S, #3 was in a hollow log. So the pack is following those two other hounds on paths and a long run on icy paths and lots of Splits and another two Checks. These first two S and CS found B. S. #4 but couldn't find the damn beer. This was just as the trail hit the wet lands and a long stretch of slippery ice, over one hundred yards. Most of the pack ran past them and at the other end of the ice, they found #5. All is good and I'm still ahead. From here it was across a bridge and into the woods again, along the stream bed and into a patch of reeds that were about fifteen feet high. And right in the middle was B. S, #6. After here I went to check on previous trail to see if anyone was out there. False Advertising saw me, but I didn't see were they had hit those arrows I laid in a path after B. S. #1. So appaarently I was safely ahead of the pack. I walked on and finally brought traiil back to B. S. #7. Got out my other bag and more warm clothes and headed back looking for the pack. and just as I was heading out, I saw the pack heading for B. S. #7. Joined them and all wss good. We held circle at thel local shelter. After the circle a brief Swing Low, several of us including, Mommys Coming, SnatchSquatch, Cockholm Symdrone and Back Door Bizzle headed over to the Cabana Club for the ON ON ON. Also on trail was Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her and Zone 2. And all smiles around  x
Sun. Jan 9, 2022. The Chicago Hash, Supposedly a trail, but they were unjustifiably discriminating against others for their private medical decisions. So totally unhashlike. I don't support discrimination and won't at any other hashes. If you can't invite all, don't invite any and let someone else do it. But don't take away our regular hashes. We hashed all last winter without this discrimination. Sorry for the rant, but I needed a good run after Sat.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  













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The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Dec 18. 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Edgebrook Woods. Small pack but ready to go. We headed straight towards the river with me in pursuit sweeping and watching the trail develop. Chicken Stiffer was already ranging to the right of trail and was lucky as the trail got to the river and went that way. Stuffin Muffin was soon right after him on true trail. Over Central and into deep woods, SM soon caught up to CS, probably catching a short cut or two. I tried to catch up and still keep the back of the pack in sight. Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff soon passed me. There was a back Check and suddenly LIfa, Back Door Bizzle and Just Do Me slowly came from the road, short cutting and the pack was whole again. Trail finally crossed some water and up to the golf course and a Check. Lifa was off through the golf course. MM and CS were wandering around in the near golf course. Everyone else was off towards the Club House, the wrong direction. Finally it was decided that the trail went west and CS took the lead and over the bridge. Lifa, I think, wandered on to this other bridge and came back towards trail. The rest of the pack followed true trail. Over the bridge we entered some more woods and CS emerged first to another Check. He went NW on two marks and then down hill. And the rest also went down hill towards a False. A long False, that Lifa found coining from the other direction. Back at the Check, Lifa finally found the Check and it went to where CS was checking. Around a green and then down hill into the woods again and to the next fairway. Never saw CS again and from where I was. I could see where the trail left the area and over a road. Bye. Meanwhile Lifa found trail over a hill and towards another green and back down hill towards the river. And here the rest of the pack gathered and found the hole in the fence. And a Check. Here is where I found out I was running out of time and the trail went pretty much straight back in the woods, just north of Caldwell until near the end of the woods. Across Caldwell and what narrow band of woods the hare could find. Good circle back in the shelter and all was good. 
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Sun Dec 26, 2021. The Chicago Hash, Back Door Bizzle laid a trail from along the tracks behind his house just south of Montrose. About 10 or 12 on trail. I lost my list. We headed south along the tracks with two checks before we got to Wrigley Field. And for once we didn't run around it. Yea! But a quick Circle Jerk and heading west on Waveland. I'm now falling behind with Just Do Me Slowly and a visitor,  Touch Me ???. We struggled along here and there and managed to stay on trail which eventually circled back towards the lakefront and the entrance under Lake Shore Drive south of Addison. By now I'm ahead and following trail along the lagoon. Somehow near the Totem Pole, they saw a Check and found trail marked to the north and east of the tennis courts. I went on true trail to the west of the tennis courts, around the club house and back to the main trail. I'm now behind them, but still looking back for them. WTF. I finally hit the Beer Stop in that little park, lower lever, about 4200 North and the pack is gone. I finally caught up to the hare and a few walkers and we walked on back to the finish. Interesting circle, The hare ran it himself and then doled out gifts to almost everyone. Cleaning out his house of misc, crap. But fun, as long as you didn't get a T-Shirt.
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Dec 29, 2021, Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Son Of Spam laid this maze and it truly was. Thanks to the CTA, I arrived late and got off the bus and saw a mark. Hoping to still catch the hare and a shag wagon I ran backwards on trail and finally ran into Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome. Hare's gone and the pack is ON. So I follow, carrying my back pack, and the hare really jerked the pack around at 22nd and Halsted. Behind a factory and a False. Back out and south and west and a real well laid Circle Jerk straight back to Halsted and an arrow in the shadows. We finally are heading west on 22nd and I'm falling behind the first two and False Advertising. Llast I saw them is when they went north from there. Lower Wackoff caught up around here and the two of us fought that damn trail with more damn Splits then single marks. Add in a few checks and you get it. And the two slowest hounds in Chicago struggling along. But we stayed sort of together. Really struggled on a six corner intersection. I circles the entire area and not one mark. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff headed in the opposite direction looking for marks. Finally returned to the check and saw this little alley. You bet. I'm on. I go back to the corner and look for Lower Wackoff. Five minutes later and he finally emerges to the south west yelling ON. But the On I found was to the south east. My trail went to what he found. But one mark later and again we can't find marks. Bastard hare. But we aren't quiting. A few more mis directions and through the Mexican Paizza or monument circle. But it is never easy with Checks and Splits as trail starts heading east. Damn Hare. I'm in front, Lower wackoff is in front. trail is here, no, somewhere else. but we push on and finally we come to this little park near the hares abode. And there is the pack, circling around a camp gas heater that really worked. The hare and Cockholm Syndrome and two groupies. the other hounds already left. But the hare is suddenly putting something on the heater wrapped in foil. Bingo, steamed hot dogs. Needed that. And we held a short circle. Thanks hare. I'll get you next time with a nasty trail. 
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Jan 1, 2022, the Chicago Hash, the Justs Hash. Hares were Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire & Just Dan from Vintage Bar with 12 hounds. Trail went generally south west and eventually towards that same little park were we were on Whiskey Wednesday. A fast moving pack that almost lost Back Door Bizzle, Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff. Actually I didn't see the last two until the finish. But I don't do shots so I left that first shot stop early and two blocks later and I can't find the mark. Trouble throughout the course. Big marks in chalk, but not always were you might look for them. Small marks with red powder, but often barely visible. But trail went on and covering a lot of the area from last Wednesday's hash. Finally worked its way north along Ashland and then side streets to a little hill in a big field. Shot stop. As soon as I arrived they pointed the way out and we're off again. North to the famous missing Columbus statue that the Mayor was going to return, before she isn't going to return it. Again with that gas heater. Really nice when your hands finally start freezing. After circle Cockholm Syndrome led a naming for Just Dan and we really had some funny stories before we finally settled on Just For Men. One virgin. Welcome Just Rob. Now sign him up for next years Just Justs hash.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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Wed Oct. 27, 2021. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard at 1637 W. Glenlake. We had six hounds on trail, back to the usual suspects. And they were soon off to the north and past the first building with some nice Halloween directions. Actually the trail went past all the hare could find. After a block the trail headed east and a Check a block past Clark. And naturally the hare succeed in catching the pack, or so I heard. Trail then went mostly south to SennH. S. Athletic fields and then another Check. Caught them again. From here the trail wandered over to the wimitary Memorial at Clark and Ashland. Again the hare caught the pack. And then they bitched about the hares marks. Damn hare. Rat Bastard. From here it was a loop back towards the small stretch of shiggy off of Peterson for perhaps the last time ever drink stop. Or so the pack thought. Not. Shortly after was a Whiskey Very Near and back to the back yard. Plenty of whiskey and beer was served and a short circle held and eventually everyone filtered off amd a short Swing Low was sung. FRBs Lifa and Garmin, then Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and Stuffin Muffin and finally Castration Sensation. Like I sid, the usual suspects. x
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 



The Tale of the Trail
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Sat, Oct 16, 2021, Bushman Hash was set by Horn-E from Cumberland and Irving Park. And four hounds showed up on a beautiful day for running in the woods. The pack took off to the south and into prairie with tall prairie grasses. From here is was along a wide path to a downed tree blocking the path. The pack spent a good five minutes here trying to resolve a Check. That took them into some think woods were running is almost impossible but a lot of ducking under branches. It finally came out in a section of forest that is sort of wide open. Trail went to the right, north and eventually to a path. The hare thought he'd get smart here and hold a long back check down the path. But Back Door Bizzle climbed over this log and saw the return arrow from the back check. Screw the hare. and they were on again winding around in this forest were running is easy. Well, if you don't trip on a hidden branch or whatever. This finally came out at another path and a Check. Two Falses one on each direction of the path. Got the pack good. The middle was the way out, back into woods and finally to a four way Split. Again the hare thought he was smart. One of the middle arrows was the correct trail across the small stream and to another path. Lifa did go this way, but missed the next arrow, across a stream and to a path. The hare thought he was smart with a big loop to the left on that path and eventually back to that path on the right. But Lifa found trail to the right. So trail went on to the hill and the usual Check on top. False Advertising was bitching about that before he even got there. From there it was across the little stream again and along a wide path, until it wasn't and almost up to where that first Check was. At least that part worked. Then along the little stream and through those original grasslands and there was the hare arriving in this little clearing with beer and some good Polish Sausages from the local hot dog place. After False Advertising there was Lifa and Castration Sensation. We ate and drank beer and finally started circle before Back Door Bizzle finally arrived and we had a full circle. All was good.
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Thu Oct 17, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Gay Dancer and Just Melinda hared from the Bar On Buena for 13 hounds. Trail started with a Split and I headed south followed by Shartiste who soon passed me. He ran by an arrow and didn't call out, but eventually I got there and called and the pack followed. At the next corner there was a Triple Split and I was on to the left/east. At the next corner I was finally caught and passed by Just Jordan and it was a T and E Split. He went T and I followed past this school and up to Lake Shore Drive. Trail went north and another Split. Well, the tunnel was right there under the Lake Shore Drive and I followed Just Jordan. Pretty soon the rest of those on the Turkey trail passed me and we ran on past Irving Park and towards the south end to the golf course entrance. I guessed right on the trail then going north along the lake and another long straight path. The Eagle trail went all the way to the Belmont Harbor entrance. So they had twice as long of a straight path north as I had. I Eat Dick eventually passed me from running the Eagle trail. Trail went over the hill and at the top was a Check. I thought I saw I Eat Dick running west on the path at the other side so I ran that way. Wrong. But I ran into Just Plinney and Dick Me Two Fiddy. They couldn't find anything and were back tracking. I decided to range a little further and through the tunnel I found marks. I think I was ahead of the pack here as I ran through a parking lot and and over to the bike path. Seeing no marks, I headed north to Lawrence and found nothing, So I ranged west and worked my way over to Sheridan and south and suddenly there is the pack from the Turkey Trail. I followed and it was pretty straight forward to the beer stop under the El tracks by the cemetary. And about five minutes later the rest of the Eagles cam on in.  We did have two new hashers, a virgin Just Lisa and a one timer Just Alex. Welcome.
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Tue Oct 19, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Ice Princess hared from O'Neils with a helping hand from Brother Incisor. I was soon behind and followed west on Wells. I was with Berts Special Friend and Grateful Dick and Stuffin Muffin. We crossed to the south and ran on to a Check and runners were disappearing ahead. The next Check came quickly on Harrison and I saw Castration Sensation  heading south. My first choice. So I went east to the next street and then south. Nothing and no one. I circled back and only found one mark. Went north and found nothing. East, and not far enough as that was the trail. So, I was sure it had to go south and ran on trying to intercept the pack by the tunnel at Roosevelt. Hey, dummy. Yeah, you Horn-E. Trail was no where near there. So I circled over to Michigan and started north hoping to eventually catch trail. I did. Harrison. Got it now Dummy. So I couldn't find the trail into the park and went back to Michigan and north and again caught trail just before the Art Museum. This turned east in front of the Museum and I again lost trail heading west on Adams. So again I tried to go straight and eventually catch trail crossing Adams. And I did at Wells. From here it was a short bit over to this little park on a hill and there was most of the pack. Damn short cutting bastard. When the pack got in, we headed back to the bar and held a Chicago Full Moon Circle
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Thu Oct 21, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Meat Inside Her hared from Skinner Park for 6 trail hounds. Trail headed south and then west. And we were sort of together until we crossed Ashland and a Check. Trail went west and around the United Center. I'm falling behind when I come up to Dick Hermonica and False Advertising wandering around. Apparently I missed a Check and they were working False directions. Then we heard Castration Sensation to the east and headed that way. I finally found a mark and we were in pursuit. And again I was left behind. After a few hidden marks in shadows and such I finally came to a Triple split, unmarked. Castration Sensation had been going back and marking all of the Splits. Anyhow I went the wrong way and finally called it. It was to far to ever catch up. Back at the start waited for the pack for about 10 minutes. Glad I quit when I heard were the beer stop was. I would have missed the whole circle.
This was a trail were we were supposed to wear pink Dresses. It helps if some Harriets also show and wear dresses instead of leaving it all to the men. And it helps if trails were in an area with great foot traffic and a big pack of hounds staying together instead of just racing through the trail. But beside that, The last part of the trail went through the west loop and a whole hell of a lot of sidewalk restaurants. Unfortunately empty with the weather and being dark. But it would have been a great money making hash if we had that pack of 30, staying together creating a fun scene and on a sunny Thursday evening in August with the restaurants full of people. Just a suggestion after doing these all Month.
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue. Oct 5, 2021, The 4X2H4 Hash, Horn-E laid an incredibly shitty trail from the Senior Citizens park. That is far as that old fart can get. Trail started out to the west and past some great Halloween decorations. Reminded everyone of Horn-E's addled mind. And then south to the first Check. They ran south and west and found nothing, Trail went east on Fullerton and then through some alleys and twisting back and forth as it headed to the south. Finally another Check at Armitage and Damen and again some great Falses, yeah sure, to the west and south. But trail went east and then south past Lotties and through a little park and another Check. Only one trail was laid from there, up onto 606 trail. but they dispersed anyhow while Cockholm Syndrome got pissed having to actually run a long way to the third mark. Hey, there was no other way. And On it went to the west. There was another Check at some exits from 606 and the pack got confused here. Especially right after they actually found trail and a Check at a intersection with about 22 actual possibilities. Again, only one way was marked out and they couldn't find it. WTF. But they ranged and finally found it. Meanwhile, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Just Do Me Slowly  had already quit and were walking on in. Meat Inside Her blazed through the final maze of alleys not even looking back and was the real FRB. Then came Cockholm Syndrome and Berts Special Friend and finally our DFL, Castration Sensation. Well, at least he ran it all. A nice little circle and on home after an rendition of Cum Buy Here by Horn-E.
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Thu Oct 7, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from Welles Park We had a small pack of just 6 men, no harriets on trail yet again. And a dress hash. SnatchSquatch took off on a live trail due to the weather. We headed north and worked our way to Lawrence and Western and a Check. Everyone scattered and Castration finally found trail south on Lincoln through the mall area. I passed him at a Split and led for four or five blocks always picking the Splits right. Finally a Triple Split near Wells Park, the start. Gay Dancer and Crash Test Blow Me found trail to the east and I was two blocks south on nothing. I ranged east and saw them ahead. From there it was the three of us over to Damen and south as I tried to keep them in sight. Yeah, they were soon gone. But trail was fairly predictable and I plugged along and kept going back to mark the trail for the back of the pack. We worked out way west to Ravenswood and south to Irving Park before finally returning somewhat along Lincoln. Meanwhile the hare came to Montrose and Lincoln and was snared by Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle and Dickin Me Two-fiddy. Well, not really. They were still stuck at that three way. So they all quit and went on in with the hare and I kept marking trail for three guys who were already drinking beer. Short circle was held and I finally headed home.
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Fri Oct 8, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Damn, same old story. CTA. Two buses in a row with no relief driver at Foster and the bus sat there with 15 to 20 people for a half hour. I finally missed my last possible transfer that would have gotten me into the start just a little late. Son Of Spam laid this trail from Eckert Park and only four hounds showed up. Hey, nice night and some good urban trails from that spot. But the hounds were Dick Hermonica, Lifa, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. Hope it was a good trail.
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Sat Oct 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Pony Pounder hared from the Lakeview Tap Room with a 5 to 6 mile trail and a mid point beer stop and a finish under the El tracks near Montrose. The trail started out east and west and east and west and finally a Check to the north of the start. Here is where SnatchSquatch went wrong/right. He ran to marks he saw on the way to the start and was on the On In trail. And he ran on and on until he got to the BN and B and of course no one was there. We were heading west while he went east. Check at Ashland split us up and we got to a Split at Ashland and Montrose and here I found the right trail out of there. As I ran on to the next Check I found Cockholm Syndrome already there. I picked the right way and was ahead to the next Check near tracks. Again I picked right, sort of. Upon returning from a False, there were marks to the north on Ravenswood as as I turned a corner there was the visitor Handy Capable, or whatever. So the two of us ran on and suddenly there were more coming up behind us. And we headed west some more and to a beer stop where Pony Pounder left his credit card with the bartender. So the pack sat outside and enjoyed some good beer, etc and I ran on. Two blocks later I ran into SnatchSquatch running the trail backwards. I directed him to beer and ran on. From there the trail wandered nicely, but all of the Splits and Checks were already marked and I could only follow along to the finish, just as the hare arrived with beer. Nice circle under the tracks.
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Sun. Oct 10, 2021, Chicago Marathon beer stop. Hashes from all area hashes  gathered near mile 23 to hand out beer to marathoners. Over 20 years now. We meet just east of the Dan Ryan and the Red Line and under the railroad tracks. Only this year the cops busted them. So they headed east to State St and then south about a block and set up there. They like that place and weather permitting we will meet there again. Anyhow it ran on to about 2:00pm before cups ran out. So those that were running the hash, walked over to the start of that.
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Sun. Oct 10, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Mudsucker laid trail from Turtles as usual with it ending in his back yard for circle. A short trail to the east and through the campus and the south for a big loop and then past Comiskey Park where the White Sox were in a playoff game later in the day. Fans in black everywhere. We ran through a parking area and to a beer stop that Lifa managed for Mudsucker. From there. as usual I ran on, there was a hairpin loop and then some trail to the south for a few blocks and back north to his back yard. I was the FBB. Soon the pack arrived and we held circle and then the pack started to leave, looking for food. Beautifual day.
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

The Tale of the Trail
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Wed. Sep 29, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Lower Wackoff hared from Smith Park for 8 hounds. I was racing to get there and got there just as they started chalk talk. We were soon off to the North west of the park and a Check. Really mixed up start, but I finally heard a call to the west and I was off. Cockholm Syndrome soon passed me and was long gone. I ran on and eventually found myself running west to a Split. Damn, I went wrong and it was a damn long block. But I kept going north to the first EW street and headed west. Several blocks later I found a mark and was back on trail. Lucky ranging. Ran on to the park and heard an On call and was soon heading south in the park and then back to the east. After a Back Check we were regrouping a little bit and we followed Grand to the east with a few quick loops to the north. One through some dark overgrown back alley. I and a few others got called out for chickening out and going around that. Hell, with my eyes I couldn't see shit back there. The next section included a phony T and E Split. I passed Castration Sensation along here as he seemed to hesitate and I was back on Grand heading east and past the start on the other side of the street. Running On there was a Check near the train station that was swept. So someone is ahead. Across Western and north a block and east again. Now here the hare got tricky and had a turn to the north and just across the street was a turn to the south coming from the east. And no one stumbled on that short cut. I finally ran past the local gang or whatever. Boy where they misguided. They called me young man. I had to set then straight. I earned those wrinkles and gray hairs. Here as where Castration Sensation caught up to me. A block later we headed south to a Check. I guessed right that the trail might go north on the other side of the street. The problem is I guessed that the trail "might" go north. It did to a False and I got a looong run down an alley to nowhere and no trail. Returning to the Check, the DFL group arrived. Dick Hermonica, Stuffin Muffin and Son Of Spam, walking along. So Castration Sensation and I continued Checking. He went south and I went west on the south side of the street and near the end I found the 3rd Mark. The back of the pack was following me. This is that mark I mentioned earlier as trail went south here. At the alley I saw Castration Sensation at the far end of an alley. I called out several times to him. He heard me, but didn't know where from and he went back to the Check and everyone was gone. It took him about ten minutes to find the trail on his own. Meanwhile trail went south past the homeless guy in a wheel chair who lived under the tracks and to the next street. Then east and a block later north and we ran into the Whiskey Stop. Whiskey and beer were consumed and then we returned to the start for circle. It was a drunken circle and with respect, the story will end here. I got a ride from Stuffin Muffin and took off after circle.
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Thu Sep 30, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Christian and Cockholm Syndrome hared an A to A' trail from The Green Door. Didn't Lifa just put out a clarification that A to A' meant close, not four blocks away. And so my bag and drink were stuck in Steps In Shit's car four blocks from the finish and I had nothing to drink. Damn. A to A' should be close, like less then a block. Otherwise it starts falling into an A to B category. We did have 12 hounds and we were soon off to the east through a parking lot and a mix up exiting. Returning to the exit a Check was found and I headed north with two trailing. Bad move. Trail went east. By the time I got on trail I found myself in a maze of alleys with an occasional street to get us to the next alley. Finally I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies as he blew past me. Bye bye. A wrong guess and soon I got over to Clark St. and checked south. Nothing. Crossing the street I found a mark going south and Construction Junction heading south. We ran on together and found trail to the south, over the river and into another series of alleys. She missed a mark and headed south. Trail went west. And soon I was joined by Hump Tale Fail and another Just Christian. Damn Christians everywhere. We missed a turn and found a dead end. Returning I found the marks to the south on Franklin. Here Construction Junction rejoined us and then we saw False Advertising on the other side of the street heading north and calling us. Trail now headed west on Randolph and over the river. The hare thought he would catch us on a deep stairway to river level, but this little group was to smart for that. Around the building and up to a little raised hidden park and over Lake Street. Here trail went to river level and north to a little tiny gap in a concrete wall and out onto tracks. I'm all alone along here and I couldn't find the next mark. So I ranged north to Kinzie and a BN Split and Construction Junction blows right by me coming from the west. We cross the river and trail went to river lever and there was Its Too Soft, The three of us head north and I basically fell back as trail ran the river level, a quick loop up and back to river lever until we found the Beer stop under the hares building and along the river. And circle was held. And when one Christian drinks, all Christians drink for the last time. Then a naming. And my hearing aid batteries went dead, so I have no idea what we named Just Christian, or why. Sorry. But then we moved on.
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Sun. Oct 3, 2021,The Chicago Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from his roof deck. We had 12 hounds including one Visitor from Mo Town, Handy Capable (did I get that right) and one virgin, Just Mike, brought to us by All Bush No Balls. We took off to the west and then north through some alleys and such and then east to the usual Clark/Halsted Check. Trail went north on Halsted and then a Triple Split at Belmont. Trail went west and at Wilton we headed north and started to get a few sprinkles. At the next corner the marks were starting to fade. We headed west on School to Kenmore and then north and the marks were starting to disappear. But Gay Dancer and Pony Pounder both said they saw a check at Sheffield and Roscoe. But by the time we got there, it was gone. Washed away. Like completely. And yet it was hardly raining. So trail was called and I mentioned where I had seen BN on my way to the start. A usual area Beer Stop in a playground. And why not. It was raining. The kids would be gone. Se we headed there and it was no longer raining. And the BN was dry and bright and the kids were swinging away. Apparently a very localized shower went east on the north side of Belmont wiping out that part of the trail. We headed on in and at the finish, the chalk talk marks were dry and beautiful, and the hare was just starting out with the beer for the beer stop. Shit happens. We went to the roof and eventually False Advertising held a circle. Then we sat around waiting for promised food, four slab of real tasty ribs and some sides. Great grub even if the trail got fucked. Thanks Its Too Soft for the grub.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu Sep 23, 2021,  The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail for 6 hounds from Horner Park and Horn-E got screwed up before the first mark. What else is new. After chalk talk SnatchSquatch pointed with his elbow to where the trail began. I saw that as almost straight north and I was figuring the street or alley right across Montrose. Castration Sensation headed straight for the paved path. I think he might have seen a mark on his way into the park, because this is where the trail went and a quick Check. Trail was found to the south and the pack was gone heading straight south. Meanwhile, with the trail not going my way, I headed east towards the bridge and there was an arrow going into this new shiggy path along the river. Not knowing I was on a False from a Check, i followed the Arrow and the path. Four blocks of walking in the dark and running when it was light enough and eventually coming out of this section at a paved path heading under the Irving Park bridge over the river. Newly developed trail here. And there was an arrow going under and then on up to Irving Park. Well, I figured out what happened and all I could do was follow the trail, mostly well marked, except when it wasn't. And the Hare was sweeping. Trail headed south along the buildings fronting California and with one small mishap I found myself heading south on California. Trail headed west and then south to Addison and again west. There was a Check somewhere around here that confused the pack for some time until the hare gave a hint to Dryrafoam and they were off and running. Then I came along and the trail was marked for a short cut for me and we were soon heading north. Then suddenly Stiffy 4 Stiffies passed me. Where the hell did he come from. Oh, yeah, Target. Shopping again. Naturally I couldn't keep up, but I ran on and on, and skipped climbing a fence, and eventually found myself heading into Horner Park again. BN ahead. And as I approach this little garden area, there was an arrow pointing straight in and that is what I did. I saw some creepy old man in the back and naturally I assumed any one that creepy had to have something to do with the hash. Not. The pack called out and there they were in another corner, hiding in the shadows. Circle was held here and eventually we all wandered off.
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Mon. Sep 27, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly hared for 13 hounds from Hamlin Park. The trail started out with a few Splits and a Check as we started around the park in a clockwise direction. As a pack there seemed to be little coordination, like calling out ON ON or blowing a whistle. And so after three blocks I found myself behind with a visitor, I Cum From A Clam Down Under, and running from way behind. We were sort of kindred spirits. Run a bit and walk a bit. And we fell further behind. That is what I get for actually Checking and ending up in the wrong direction. Trail went east and south to Diversey and then east. And suddenly there was someone ahead of us crossing the street. We did to and came to an unswept Check as was the whole rest of the trail. So we were on our own. That other hasher was Castration Sensation who was soon working that Check and the next one, before we fell behind him. But trail did go east to Ashland and eventually north and east and north until finally coming out at Belmont and Ashland and a BN Check. Duh! where could this trail go. Hmmm. West and I was soon on and just as I established that and looked back to call out to the visitor, Just Jordan swept on by me. Well, trail went straight west to a block west of Damen and then south to the park. We headed over to the ball field and held circle with Cockholm Syndrome leading the circle. We were introduced to our visitor and then our virgin, Just Laura, and then the circle descended into a mess. But we could count on Dick Hermonica to bring sense out of chaos when necessary.         
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon. Sep 13, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Castration Sensation hared from the sidewalk in front of Driftwood for 19 hounds for an A to B Hash. Would we end up under the tracks again. Trail was off to the east and with a few twists and a back chcck we got to Lincoln Park and everyone was heading north without any arrows. WTF. So I returned and with Back Door Bizzle, found marks into the park. These went north to around the field house and north. But by the time I got there, the pack had found those marks and was gone. I find the trail and now I'm DFL for my efforts. And so we head north towards Lawrence and then south a bit before heading west. Here I ran into Lower Wackoff telling me that the re was a back check and so we head east. Along came Mommys Little Accident and Just Emanuel and Just Monica. No marks. We missed a turn in the dark. But we are soon on and they are all disappearing in the distance. I trudge on and soon come to a T and E at Wilson and Clark. I think I am way behind so I take the T trail and running in the dark I miss a turn and right behid me are Lafa and two virgins. So we back track and I find a turn to Clark and we're heading south. And they pass me. And then four of the FRBs come passing me. This leads to a short loop and back to Clark at Montrose. Is this On IN. Hell no. Damn. Straight south. I find a not swept Check and head into a long alley. Nothing. I return and head south and spot Just Emanuel and Just Monica and we find trail south. Eventually I spot more behind me as we head east on Irving and I was able to give then a short cut before the long straight a way past the cemetery and then north under the tracks along the cemetery before finding the pack and beer stop mear Montrose. All was good and the usual circle between the screaming trains above.
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Thu Sep 16, 2021, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Soul Taco was a last minute hare and it was a long trail and good, except when it wasn't. And that really split our small pack. Yes, only five hounds. We took off to the west amid screaming crowds of Mexicans celebrating Mexican Independence Day. I've got to wonder, since so many are in America illegally or first time citizens, if they bother to celebrate America's Independence Day as enthusiastically. Doubt it. But we soon hnad a Check at Armitage and following the usual lead of Mommys Coming, four of us headed north. We never saw Castration Sensation until after circle and the hare and GM were leaving. He got a shade under 9 miles. WOW. in the freaking dark with marks often in shadows. Although the hare did try to correct that near the end. Anyway four of us ran on. and at Western and Milwaukee and Armitage, a really wide spread six way intersection, we finally broke apart as a pack. Hump Tale Fail and Just Christian were to the west and south and I never saw them again. Mommys Coming went west and saw a mark, I followed a bit, but saw him returning. Never saw him again. I started ranging and ranging and found three falses as in no third arrow. Damn Hare. Actually, well done hare. Now if only we had a large enough pack for that tactic. Anyway as I circled the corner counter clockwise I finally started south on Western and found trail. This led to 606 and up a ramp and a Split. Now thinking I'm DFL I needed to get this right. I headed left, not right, and of course, not right. Somehow I missed the False mark and by the time I got to the next exit in the trail I realized that there were no marks. And none at the exit. So, like I said, probably DFL, I ran on on 606 and for me, with no cracks in the side walks in shadows to worry about tripping, I had a very good run for me on into the finish and I was SCB/FRB. Damn. So I went with the hare and GM to the B in the nearby park and a short time later Hump Tale Fail and Just Christian came on in. Then after a long wait Mommys Coming limped on in, bleeding knee from a trip and his shoe off because of his stubbed toe. We eventually held circle not knowing when if ever Castration Sensation would show up, And he doesn't quit. And he didn't.
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Fri.  Sep 17, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Coming Right Meow hared from Colunbus and Monroe. She planned a trail through Grant Park and all the way out to the planetarium. But rain was eminent and so she canceled that part and we would run Grant Park. Eventually there were only four of us, the usual suspects. We took off through the park and Lower Wackoff disappeared. But we got to Buckingham Fountain and a Check. Here Stuffin Muffin disappeared. Think he caught a lot of the back trail as it came close, too close to Buckingham Fountain. Meanwhile I found trail towards Lake Shore Drive. Alone. Found my way back towards the fountain and then south to the first street and near Lake Shore Drive. I think somehow Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff were ahead of me and they found arrows across Lake Shore Drive and ON south. Meanwhile, not finding arrows I ranged south to the tunnel were trail had to return from the lake front. And there was Lower Wackoff. And a Split. He went left and I went right, and right, and on to the next tunnel and from here trail went north on Columbus. Lower Wackoff and I worked that north until we were right west of the fountain. Trail went east towards the fountain and an arrow just before Columbus. I crossed the street, but I'm thinking, it can't go here. It is to close to the first Check. It didn't. The hare had on more arrow before Columbus and it turned north. And here is where Magnetic Muff caught us and led us further north along the tracks. We finally worked our way toward Michigan and an arrow going north and I took the lead. At the Art Institute there was an arrow west and over to Wabash and then the rains started. But a block later I was running up to the Beer Near and Stuffin Muffin. We rang the buzzer and as the hare arrived, so did the last two and we headed into the inner sanctum and the hares condo. Castro Dick Assist was waiting there. and six cats and a dog. The hare cooked up a massive amount of food for us and we all ate well. By the time we finished, the rain stopped and we headed up to the roof deck for circle. After a short circle we ended with a new finishing song and then settled into the voyeur game as we were about 19 floors up and across from the Palmer House Hotel. Every room was a new story on its own. Pulling back the blankets, closing the curtains in her nightie, the usual stuff. And no one knew we were there. Until some lady spotted us. Lower Wackoff lifted up his shirt as in flashing and, she glanced behind her and then did so herself. DDDdam those were nice. Thanks LW. But all good shows come to an end and I had to leave to set tomorrows trail. Damn.
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Sat. Sep 18, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from La Bagh Woods. This was the day of the Chicago Beer Society Picnic (CBSP), a week later then normal. Many hashers go to this, including those that would like to also do the Bushman Hash. Conflict. So I tried to accommodate, as best as I could. I set the hash for the same area and we would just hash and then hang out near the picnic and drink our own beer. I set the trail and then couldn't find the hashers. I was at the wrong picnic grove, where they usually set up the CBSP. Ooops. But then I saw Lower Wackoff and we headed over to the area of the CBSP. Saw hashers and headed over to let them know where we would start at if anyone wanted to hash. Hostility. Vaccinations. Screw this. Returned to where we were set up and after waiting a long time for one other hasher who wanted to run, Stuffin Muffin, suddenly Castration Sensation showed up with his girlfriend Just Cortney. They couldn't find the hashers either, but found trail and already ran it. Walked it. A nice stroll or run along mostly paths and the troll under the bridge hiding behind his rock house. So, Lower Wackoff and Stuffin Muffin took off on trail and were soon On In. The five of us, and eventually Magnetic Muff joined us, held a Bushman Circle and at the finish we tried my new circle finishing song, Then those signed up for the picnic went there to eat and drink. They even brought us a few offerings, And the rest of us relaxed in the shade over more beer. Actually, it worked pretty good.
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Mon. Sep 20, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff will hare from Mather Park for another small hash with seven locals and a visitor and a virgin. We took off to the south and really screwed that up before ShartiB found trail in an alley, We got up to Peterson and traffic and our virgin really showed he might make a good hasher by playing frogger as he raced through the speeding traffic and headed north. Here we ran into heavy traffic, men in black, who blocked the whole side walk. People can't have fun on our sidewalks. But we ran by anyhow to a check. Several went north and nothing. Putt Putt in The Butt went east and into an alley with nothing. Stuffin Muffin went west and then they all tried that again  and nothing. Lifa was last seen to the north, on the other side of the street. Bingo. Finally Castration Sensation and Horn-E went that way and found it a long block later. So now we are heading west and north and almost to Devon before heading west in the alley and south to Rosemont and Kedzie. And her was a Triple Split. And when I got there, it had been researched in all directions and nothing. In circle it was said that ShartiB went the correct way through brush to waters edge and heard critters and returned. Trail was in flour marked on trees. (Something the hare neglected to mention in circle.) Anyhow I went north in a parking lot along the river. Nothing. Returned on Kedzie. South was already researched. Damn. So I went back north and then started ranging over the river and on south on a bike path where I found a mark. Turned out to be one off of a Check and nothing else. Returned to the Check and now I had to figure out the way into and/or out of the Check. I found the way in, from over on Kedzie and the T and E split. And there was Castration Sensation. I called on and returned to the Check and found another False. Eventually while ranging the hare drove on by and told me it was over across the street heading south on Lincoln. And there it was, into the parking lot of the motel where you might check in, but you really MIGHT CHECK OUT. Yeah there was a shooting there a month earlier, as a fugitive, suspicion of double murder, and now surrounded by cops, killed himself. Ooops. I quickly checked out of there and headed south and where the T and E regrouped. So now I'm running south in this park for a few blocks and then east. Marks in the street and then over to the side walk and finally a Check. And there were several sweep arrows scribbled out. I went south and nothing, crossed the street and an arrow heading south. This was On and I head east at the next corner. Then another screw up, hare/me, I'll let the hash gods say. A Split going east and north, swept as east. I went east and back and back east again. just past the alley in the second block was a faded out arrow. I'm on again. It was a good thing I was running good on this trail. Why in hell an I suddenly running good. For me. Hell. I'll take it. Then I come to a Triple split. Right, Left, or straight. It is marked Straight. It wasn't. It was midway between straight and right in an alley. But not straight. That was as straight as some guy hanging out in boys town six nights a week and saying he isn't gay, he just likes the music. So I run on in this alley and come to a street and no more marks. Damn. So I return and find the hidden turn mark at a parking lot. Now I'm crossing Lincoln and eventually into an alley and a Check Back 5. I return and work that fifth arrow in all possible directions and nothing. So I finally call it and run back to the start and find that the Beer stop is at a park on Peterson. I get there just in time to walk in behind Magnetic Muff. DFL. So I get my drink and we head back to Mather Park. Lifa led a circle and we met our visitor Preteen Protien and our virgin Just Jordon. Then I took off home, walking with Putt Putt In The Butt and Castration Sensation, two miles more.

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue Sep 7, 2021, The 4X2 Hash. False Advertising hared from Union Park. Unfortunately, Union Park was fenced off for the Pitchfork Music Festival and so they had to make do and make it an A to B trail. I heard that they had about 10 hounds including Castration Sensation, Lower Wackoff and Cockholm Syndrome. But not me. Cheers were heard throughout the area. Yeah, I went for my bus and there was a 45 minute delay. So I went home. Damn. I heard it was a pretty good trail. Now that has to be false advertising if I ever heard it. And two checks after the BN had the pack bitching to me a day later. But once the beer flowed, all was good.
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Wed, Sep 9, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash Sleeping Booty laid trail from Lincoln Park near Armitage. Many late comers, and they still passed me on trail. But in the end, we had 14 hounds on trail. That included two walkers, Menage A Twat and a new transplant Likes It Rough. Apparently this trail was to rough for her, or maybe just to fast. But those to Harriets took off on trail and haven't been seen since. The rest of us took off through Old Town and on south and they soon lost me. Two late comers did blow right by me, the GMs, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. But I ran on and eventually got caught by a back check. That is when another late comer came by, Lifa. And pretty soon we got separated and I was on my own. What else is new. But most of the checks were swept. Finally I ran by a little fire house and never saw another mark. Apparently the trail headed over to the Viagra Triangle and then north to Lincoln Park and On In. I ranged to Division and then east looking for trail crossing where I was. At every damn intersection. All four corners. Damn, and they still snuck by me. At the Park I ran on in and somehow wasn't last in. Nice Moon Style circle and all was good and we hung around in the dark.
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Thu Sep 10, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. #900 Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch laid a live trail from the Mouse Trap on an A to B trail. A small pack at the start but 2 Divvy riders showed up later on trail, for a total of ten trail hounds. Trail went east and SnatchSquatch soon disappeared to the front as the rest of us sort of stayed together in the dark. Until we hit Larrabee and North. Then it seemed as if we lost several or did they lose us. But we were suddenly a small pack of myself, Castro Dick Assist, Coming Right Meow, Castration Sensation, etc. I finally found trail for our little group past the snarling dog threatening my life if I yelled On On for the pack. But we worked our way to Armitage and then past Mansion row and back. By now I am falling behind and at Halsted was a Split and suddenly no marks. After three blocks I heard an On On across the street and there was Castration Sensation and Putt Putt in the Butt heading into an alley. We finally emerged from that area there was a lot of the missing pack. WTF. We ran west to Clybourn and a Check. Putt Putt In The Butt and myself headed straight west and I picked up on trail coming out of Binnys. Hey, it was withing normal ranging room. But the trail went north instead before working its way back there. Meanwhile we ran on and south through the old railroad right away, across North and over the bridge to Goose Island. And there was SnatchSquatch and the hare and the non runners were already starting to gather. Eventually the rest of the pack arrived and SnatchSquatch led a decent circle. Then all was good as all stood around drinking and telling tall tales and other bull schitte.                               .
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Sat, Sep 11, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail for 9 trail hounds. And we were off to the south and a check at Wrightwood and Sheffield. I ran west with Saving Myself For Two Black Guys and into the park. He saw some of the pack heading south on Sheffield and headed that way. I spotted an arrow in the park and it had to be checked out. I yelled to him but he was gone. I found a third mark and yelled On but there was no one anywhere around. So I headed west and saw someone walking way ahead. Looked like Lifa, but walking? It was him and at Racine he turned and indicated a Split and he went south. When I got there I headed north and never saw a hasher again on trail. WTF. Yeah, I'm in front and I managed to guess a few Splits correctly and still no one following. I finally got to a Check at Lincoln and Diversey. This I guessed wrong heading up Lincoln but couldn't find a 3rd mark. So I ranged over to Racine and there was a mark and I'm on and still no one behind me. WTF. After a quick false on a Split I hit the T and E Split with E going  into a street fair where four hounds later detoured. But I run on and after another Triple Split, picking wrong, I get back to a Check at Racine and Belmont. Again I pick wrong, but no one coming up behind me. West is On and then north on Southport and after an alley I'm back at Racine again. Another wrong way on a Triple Split but I'm soon back on Racine heading north. From here I work my way through some construction and then west to Newport. At Seminary there is a mark crossing the street. Okay. Then a mark crossing Seminary heading east. Okay. But later on we determined that I must have missed the turn north right after I crossed the street. This led to more trail around Wrigley. Meanwhile I get to Clark and no marks. So I range south one block and there is a mark. How It got there I didn't know, but I'm On. Actually that was the return mark from the loop around Wrigley. In my defense, Castration Sensation also  noted that not all marks were where you would look for them. So, anyway, I'm On. Now trail heads south and back and forth over Sheffield as it goes south. And right into the marks from his trail from last week. Hmmm. Glad I was on that one and knew the difference. And I finally come on in to this little playlot and the hare and beer. FRB. WTF. We finally headed to the EL tracks and waited there. Steps In Shit and Just Do Me Slowly finally came in. They short cut the loop around wrigley and just stayed on Addison and then back on trail. Then the true FRB that ran the whole trail came in, Cockholm Syndrome. Eventually some of the rest and we finally headed to the roof deck. We were all set for a nice circle when the roof deck was invaded by so damn many house puppies that they outnumbered the trail hounds and I never got called out to lead the Big Dog Style Circle. WTF. Then Its Too Soft provided some good grub that us runners really could use. And all was good and many hung around well into the dark.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Sep 4, 2021, The Second City Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail from the Oakton Community Center at 4701 W. Oakton in Skokie. A to A. Hey, this was as easy to get to as possible, hundreds ot yards from the Skokie Swift, Oakton stop. I know, I came that way. And there was only a small pack of 7 hounds. But we managed to stay together and SnatchSquatch's trail led us in a clockwise direction. And there were enough Checks and Splits that kept Mommys Coming from running away with the trail. Eventually I managed to get up to 3rd at a Check and saw Lifa in the distance. Damn, he was wrong and the trail went left. Following Mommys Coming probably. I was soon DFL again. At the next Check I arrived last and saw a direction no one took. Well, that is what hashing is about. So I took off and was soon ON. At the next Split, I went left. Trail went right and by the time I returned I was DFL. Damn. "The first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so it was written and so it shall be done." And a little over a half mile later was B. If in went right I might have almost made FRB. The nature of hashing is not to find all of the Checks, but be close enough to find the last Check. So I ran on and barely avoided DFL by traversing ten feet of shiggy.  Then while talking to the hare I realized that we went right past where my Father owned a business about 150 years ago. And the building where we were drinking (a brewery) was right next to another building that my Father used to own for another business. Clearly, the neighborhood changed so much that I didn't recognize this. The first building was torn down and the second building was now an animal rescue. Then I took off to look for a third building, a tavern my dad owned. Now a Vietnamese Noodle shop. Excuse my trip down memory lane. Thanks Snatchsquatch for making that happen. That happens with old farts. After a round of beers we headed back to the A location and found a place to settle and have our laid back circle. And then it was on home. That Skokie Swift again.
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Sun. Sep 5, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from his roof deck. Yeah, again. and one more six days later. Yet to cum. And there were 16 hounds ready for this trail and Back Door Bizzle showed up later on trail. Then 7 hounds decided to take a ride to the beer stop at the Diversey Harbor entrance. They couldn't even walk that whole mile. So there were 10 now on trail. And we lost 3 of them. Double Meter Beater was supposed to be one of the FRBs. Hey, you can't be an  FRB if you get lost. We also lost Coming Right Meow and her virgin friend from Peru, Just Vanessa. She will be in town for about 2 weeks so lets hope she comes out again and doesn't get lost next time. That is on you, Coming Right Meow. So that left us with 7 who finished the trail. And two of them were visitors, Pebbles For Pussy and Herpiclis. Now we are down to 5 local hashers who finished the trail on such a beautiful day. Trail wove its way north along Sheffield and to a Check at Clark and Halsted, And trail came right back  on the other side of the street and suddenly I'm no longer last. I followed that back to Sheffield and north and ran into Herpiclis just before Belmont and a Split. He chose first and right and was On. meanwhile I ran on north and at the first street I headed right and several of the pack were right there. A Triple Split. I led us east and we were ON again and the small group passed me and eventually found a Check at Belmont and Halsted. Meanwhile this lame old fart ranged to Halsted and south and found a mark. On. And what I found out later was that it was 2 after a Check. I eventually saw Shartie B ahead and he was ON. So I watched behind and soon Pony Pounder was coming and I yelled On and he returned to mark that turn arrow. Now it was the three of us, and I have no idea where the pack is. Nor did I realize we were almost a half of it. WTF. So, with a couple of Splits, I managed to keep up with those two and at a Triple Split at Belmont and Sheridan I came up last. but running through traffic I found a mark going southest towards Lake Shore Drive. I was in front and the real FRB. Like that would last. Pony Pounder past first and led us under the tunnel. and south on the bike path. Shartie B called out that he was On and I followed. The next mark was a turn mark towards the lake front and the rocks. Somehow I missed that. Maybe someone was standing on it as I went by. So, I'm running on paralleling the true trail all the way to the Diversey Harbor entrance and no marks. I even went under Lake Shore Drive and still no marks. So I could only return and finally found that missed mark and came in DFL. From 3rd to DFL in a couple of hundred yards. Damn. Came in right after Lifa. Back at the roof deck Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and then we had some chicken sandwiches, thanks Its Too Soft, and slowly drifted off. Beautiful day on trail and the roof deck. All right, shitty trail.                                .                                         .

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Aug 25, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Whiskey Dickup hared an A to B trail for 10 hounds from Metroplitan Brewert which appeared closed as we gathered under an Arch. The hare arrived and then took off on a bike to relay the trial because of rain and more eminent rain. Trail was fine, but the hare, on a bike, was snared within a mile. So we waited and waited again and finally took off. This time he managed to get it done and it ended up in his back yard. About a mile and a half away from the start and cars. But eventually Meat Inside Her, a non runner, arrived with the shag wagon. Meanwhile everyone had throughly smothered themselves with bug spray. I almost gagged from the fumes and avoided that and stood between to well lathered hounds and had no problems. We did get a little rain in and after the circle. It was a problem when I headed for a bus home, but after that I was fine and caught good transfers. But many were left behind with a long walk back to cars. Hope they had umbrellas. Trail itself was reasonable with a twisting mix of back and forth and teasing us by going past his old apartment before getting to the finish. And somehow I lost a hearing aid. Probably at the start. We did have one virgin who bothered to come out in the rain. Well done to Just Jeff. Otherwise it was Lifa, Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly, Berts Special Friend, Lower Wackoff, Garmin, False Advertising, Its Too Soft and Hooch B4 Cooch.  Arch
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Thu Aug 26, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from the little park at 1719 W. Wolfram for 11 hounds. And again, no Harriets. But at least we had a Harriet for a hare. And she made up for that short trail some time back. It was about one hour and 45 minutes before we all got in. We started out to the north and a quick check. Trail went north and west. I was north and east. Damn. I was behind Faming Flagott who was walking. But another block and the pack is coming towards me with a well placed Back Check. This led to a Check and as far as I could see, I never saw SnatchSquatch again until the finish. We again headed north and west and hell, who knows where. But the pack seemed to have a central group that sort of came together and then split up again. We worked our way to Damen and School and were back and forth on a Split before it was finally, permanently called east. Last I saw of Hooch B4 Cooch. We kept heading mostly east to Paulina and then north to Lincoln. I thought I was behind and hoped for a Check at Lincoln, but it was just south on Lincoln. Finally caught some of the pack at School again and a Check at Ashland. I was south and wrong when I heard an On call. They headd east and so I did also and they came right out of an alley by me and we headed east. Two blocks later was another Check and I again went south and wrong. But I figured it then had to go east and so I did on Belmont and sure enoughIts Too Soft again comes my way with Back Door Bizzle. They were on but I was ahead and headed south to another Check. Again I headed south and again I was wrong. So again I ranged and this time no one came my way. Ooops. So I kept ranging and finally saw a mark at Wolfram. Yeah, way the hell down there. Now that is ranging to the max. But I was now On and heading west. Back to the park. Naw. Two blocks later and I'm heading north again. Three blocks later and it was west. And finally I'm working my way backtowards the park and NO, I'm not last. Top half. Eventually the rest came in id dribbles and drabs. We held circle and hung around as hounds slowly drifted off. Others on trail were Cockholm Syndrome, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation Urinfectious and Just Christian. If there was anycomplaint about the traio. there of course was, is that the marks were to far apart leaving the hashers way off when they found the first mark off of Splits, or the thrird mark from checks or just confidence they didn't miss a turn especially on long blocks. But otherwise the trail was good.                                         .
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E



Thu Aug 19, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Choke And Stroke and Brother Incisor hared from Arrigo Park. I was out of town but I heard it was a small turnout of four. Back Door Bizzle, Its Too Soft, Cockholm Syndrome and Coming Right Meow. I heard the biggest joke was something about 9:30 and any cock will do or something like that.
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Sat Aug 21, 2021, Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Damn #4 Woods. What a freaking disaster. And not the hares fault. Yeah we heard that before. Really. First, because of this locations lack of access to a place to buy beer, I had to bring beer. A case. Then I had to walk with this case and a back pack full of flour for well over a mile, only to find out where I wanted to start, the southern entrance to Damn #4 Woods, no longer exists. The road was dug up, removed and planted with prairie grasses and trees. That meant the pack would have to figure things out. Like go east and north to the other entrance. And I would still hold a beer stop here, and re-plan my trail and the go another half mile north to the other entrance and a parking lot and start from there. Time is clicking now. But I marked the start and headed into the woods. A couple of hundred yards later I was knee deep in razor grass and my knees and on down are still full of dozens of scratches. Damn. But after that I finally found some paths way back and towards the river and the trail took on a new direction. A lot of twisting paths and Splits and flowering bushes. Yeah, you could smell the flowers. Trail finally was narrowing and I circled back on a wide path and took the trail into the area I wanted to do in the first place. And then there was more razor grass and I never got to the desired prairie. But trail wound at self back towards where I wanted beer and it was over 4 miles, so good. Then I went and waited for the pack. Yeah, all two of them. And we waited to about 2:45 when Back Door Bizzle arrived. So he and Mommys Coming headed out on trail. I swept part and headed over to the beer stop. As I got there the rains started and I stood under a tree waiting for them struggling through the woods and they arrived just as the rain paused. We finally headed to the shelter and held a short circle trying to dry off a bit and finally finished with Swing Low and headed home. All right, it wasn't that bad for such a small turnout. But a lot of shit getting it done. You make it work. 
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Sun Aug 22, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #400. The GM, Berts Special Friend and a founder, Horn-E, hared from Harrigans about 50 yards away from where it all began, in a bar called Durkins That was on 13 Feb, 1987, a Friday night. Hoped for a few more hounds then we got, but they were busy getting drunk on wine across the street from Durkins and we only got 5 hounds on trail. But I think it was a nice short trail and good for that pack. But they did struggle towards the end with marks too damn far apart and in the dark. I know better. Damn it. But the hares were waiting at the Gazebo in Lincoln Park with a case of beer on ice and after about an hour we saw False Advertising coming on in from the wrong direction. He came to a False as he headed towards the park and about there did a header over a crack in the sidewalk. He was bleeding from both knees. Hate to waste a can of beer washing off all of that blood. And he also lost his phone. Wasn't working after the fall. Then along cane Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin also from the wrong direction. And so we drank for about fifteen minutes before Sleeping Booty and Castration Sensation finished the whole trail, about 4.5 miles by going around the lagoon. And now all was good. One thing brought out by the GM in circle, I started this hash before he was born.
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Mon Aug 23, 2021, The Chicago Hash. All Bush No Balls and One Fuck Chuck laid trail from Winnemac Park. Another small pack. Horn-E, Its Too Soft, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle and two late comers, Castro Dick Assist and Coming Right Meow.  We started out to the east and at the first Split I ended up going the wrong way. And as I'm following I'm thinking, three blocks into trail and already i'm two blocks behind. But at the next Split I could see ahead and saw Lower Wackoff heading north in an alley and ended up 2nd. Short lived. Back in 4th at the Check at Foster and I headed west. Trail headed east and then north. As I circled back I found myself behind Castration Sensation and at a Split, I chose west. The others were to the north. I was on after a block and from there in it was bye bye. Yeah, me. Trail went a block north and then west and I came to another Split. I chose west and just before I got to the next corner, Damen, I heard an ON call. So I crossed Damen checking the corners and was going to head south to pick up on the pack when I spot an arrow. And so, when you are On, you're On. And I ran on to the False the hares warned us about. Corrected that for the pack and ran on and managed some smart, or lucky picks at the Checks and some Splits and was soon back in the park and hearing the hares yelling On ON. Three miles, but still FRB. Yeah, me. I'm bragging. Or damn lucky. Mosquitoes were biting so we moved the finish to some concrete and they never found us. But the pack did with Its Too Soft coming in next and actually finding trail for them. Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and all was good.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Aug 12, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dave hared from The Web and it is a story of WTF or what the hell happened. First the hare had a major letdown in attendance. He expected 20. Well, that is overly optimistic. Last week we had a very large, for this year, 16 hounds on trail. This week we had four hounds. Hell last Monday we had 6 hounds in the freaking rain. Sun we had 9 on a Moon Hash. But at least we had one more Harriett then last ThirstdayH3's hash had for a total of one. Two experienced hounds and two relative newbies, Just Emmanuel and Just Monica. So, what happened on trail. First the chalk marks were light. He ordered some good chalk and the package of chalk got stolen. Hey, we could have named him Chalk Walks. It started out okay with the hare sweeping a bit and simple Splits and quick regroups. Then we hit a check. Here is where you need an experienced Hare showing the virgin hare how to position marks. The Check was in a parking lot with two ways out. The west was marked and then a turn into an alley. then nothing and it was throughly checked out at least three times. I looped way around looking for trail. Nothing. We were scattered everywhere. There was no mark coming out of the parking area to the east. Again, an experienced hare would have pointed that out. But eventually I found a Triple Split at the next corner to the north. We checked and rechecked and went way around corners looking for any sign of a mark. We worked that Split every way we could think of or imagine. We eventually had to call it. I must have had almost two miles by then and we were a block from the start. We got a hold of the hare and made him show us were the trail went. False Advertising and myself both agreed that it was positioned where almost no pack would have found it. And that was only the second mark. So we then headed to the A prime location for beer and circle. The trail started out right. With some corrections in marking, it might have been damn good. Hopefully he'll relay it soon. After a short list of accusations our GM, Sanding Ovation showed up. No, she didn't run. But we had five besides the hare and were going to name him. For the trail? An abortion. 'My Body My Trail My Fail' was an early suggestion. But we got into his previous employment in the Peace Corp in South East Asia trying to set up an agri business. Hell, the damn missionaries were still trying to put them in clothes and cover their boobs. Disgusting bastards. And from this we had many disgusting names and some that almost made it like 'Captain Cock'. But considering that the natives were offering this 'American' their daughters and 40 acres of land and a plow, we decided on a name, by a tie breaker vote of the GM, and forever more he shall be known as Piece Corps Whore.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the cold.  We occasionally charge  up to $10 for hash cash sometimes, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
We have had a lot of new hashers during this pandemic lockdown. And they have no Hash shirts. Yes, they can order hash shit on line. But I'm going to try and open up the Bizzare Bazzar again and bring around some old used shirts and maybe even an occasional new shirt. Price. What you think it is worth. The money will go to beer. Might not have all sizes, but just a few shirts now and then. Probably mostly day hashes. To hard in the dark. So if you want some hash attire bring along some cash. 90 120
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Thu Aug 12, 2021, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dave will hare from The Web at 2026 W. Webster. $5 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com
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Mon Aug 16, 2021, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa, Urine Love and Keyless Entry will hare from 3127 N. Ashland. If we are to meet on the roof deck or inside their apartment, please post which buzzer is theirs. $5 Hash Cash ChicagoHash.com
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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Aug 5, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sleeping Booty laid a live trail from the Totem Pole for 16 trail hounds. Welcome to the Chicago Area's all male hash. We gave the hare 15 minutes and we were off under Lake Shore Drive and heading north east. We got to Broadway and Halsted and a Check. Trail was found to the south and west to the Addison El and then south under the El tracks. So far the pack was spread out, but still working together. At Clark we had another Check. I lost Back Door Bizzle here, but was about to follow in the direction where he disappeared. And their was Steps In Shit. I wasn't last. apparently there were a few others. We headed south along Clark and past the El and a Split. It was swept showing straight south. A block and more later we found no marks. All right, who marked this wrong. So we return and Horn-E finds the correct mark into an alley and east at a T junction and another Split. Ahead of this small group, Horn-E gets to a triple Split and it is marked straight west. Wrong again. The trail was across the street. But we are back On and trail headed to Halsted and Belmont where I get stuck in traffic and lost the pack. For good. Trail went south to Clark and a Check. I thought I heard a whistle to the southeast. Wrong. I circled the intersection and came back to a tiny sweep arrow pointing back the way I came into that Check. And sure enough that was correct, sort of. Actually trail was on the other side of the street and a tiny arrow later indicated east, just opposite of the hare arrow going south. WTF. So I'm on and heading over to Broadway and past there and over towards Sheridan. Here there was a short loop in an alley and north on Sheridan and at Barry the trail headed into another alley over to Hudson. At Hudson there was another Split and another Split marked wrong. I ran to Belmont and nothing. A wrong mark is worse then no mark at all. Returning to the Split I headed west and apparently missed the true trail. Meanwhile I headed back to Belmont, crossed the street and headed back to Sheridan. At this point the trail is heading over to Broadway and north for a bit and to the tunnel over to Lincoln Park. At Sheridan I headed north and into that same tunnel and wonder of wonders, there is a mark coming out of the tunnel and I'm On In, DFL. And there was an immediate circle and with non runners there were 19 men in circle. A massive sausage fest. SnatchSquatch led circle and eventually his wife showed up. She called out everyone who hadn't signed up for POP, for a down down. Almost everyone. So I called her out for a down down. Why? We are asked to show up for this Harriet extravaganza and yet they won't hash with us. Hmmm! But just kidding TH3 is a mixed hash and we'd love to see some Harrietts in attendance. The best way to promote there hash is to show up at hashes and show us that there are still Harrietts in Chicago. Again, just kidding. We love you all. Join us. We did have two hounds not seen in a while, Moloun Spluge and Bloody Brown Castle. Come on back out. 
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Sat Aug 7, 2021, The Big Dog Hash Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up hared from her house and again we had 16 trail hounds, but at least some Harriets. Trail headed south and west and looped right back around her house and finally north to 63rd St. I caught up to the pack here as they struggled with the Check. We headed east. And another Check. By the tine I get there hashers were spread out Checking. I went a block east and there was Jack In Her Box and Rigor Mortis at an alley just north on the corner. Cockholm Syndrone on the other corner. Nobody is on anything. I cross the street to look around there. Nothing. I look back and everyone is gone. WTF. Like disappeared. Well, trail was eventually a half block south in an alley. Meanwhile I'm ranging, looking for trail and the pack to the north and a big loop before getting back to the original Check and an arrow pointing to that damn alley. So I follow trail and it works its was to Stoney Island and Jackson Park and there is the hare sweep, Reverand Shut The Fuck Up. We headed south and a big parking lot. apparently, or so I was told, there was a naked man walking around here, before I got there. Didn't need that. Ran straight On and over to the bridge towards the Japanese Garden and just passed Menage A Twat, avoiding DFL, as I came into the Beer Stop. Long walk back from here. But at the finish was the back yard party. Snacks, and foot long dogs and brats and such. And a Big Dog Circle. All was good. And when Lower Wackoff was leaving, I asked for a ride and he was heading to Evanston, right by my place. I'm for that.
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Sun Aug 8, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Silent But Deadly hared but was only seen by the GMs. Apparently she laid trail from her house to the park, when the GMs arrived, she checked in with them and finished the trail back to her house, finishing the loop. Hey, when you gotta go, you make the situation work and she did. Rain looked eminent and so I brought along some rain gear. And we were off to the south and eventually over to Clybourn and a Check. I went north and trail went south so I'm DFL again. At Diversey trail was marked maybe to the west and I followed and caught the pack at a Split a block later. Trail went under Diversey and a quick loop and back heading west on Diversey. And the rain started to go from slight mist to enough for the rain gear. I put it on and the rain stopped. I digress. Trail went past some town houses and across western and I again caught up to a few hounds Checking. Trail went Up Elston a block and the straight north to Belmont and right at the Bridge. Back across the river and I'm now following Castration Sensation and Lower Wackoff. Across the river and at the light we went north around the bend and to a Split at Western. South to the hares house and then east. A block later I lost trail and as I wound myself in the direction of the finish I ran into Berts Special Friend carrying a 30 pack for Circle and we walked in together. Yeah, I'm DFL. Without a hare, Lower Wackoff was designated stand in. When she next returns, she owes him a stand in for all of her down downs he had to do. Now she can do his. And suddenly circle was over and there was a bus. And damn, I missed it. But another was soon coming and all was good and on home before any more rain.
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Mon Aug 9, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Back Door Bizzzle laid this trail live. He rightly saw the rain coming. I looked at my phone and pooh poohed that thought. Bad move. But after the hare took off after a quick flour talk. My bag was in the shag wagon. And the rains started. Harder and harder. Lifa went under the bridge to await the start time. Meanwhile we got wetter and wetter. Finally I said, f*ck this shit, lets go. Two visitors, including Sex The Final Frontier from Bean Town Hash and akjsdfgso from New York. All right, I had his name but my card got soaked in the rain. Also Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation. At the first Check it was really getting heavy and we were wasting time looking the wrong way. Trail was finally found to the east in city streets and we followed  the visitors. We tried to mark Checks and it did help Lifa eventually catch up after leaving his shelter and finding us gone. The first rain kind of quit here. We did hit one Mark at a corner and akjsdfgso went straight. I interpreted it correctly as an attempt at a Split and I was soon On. Whoopie. At the next Check I picked right, south, and ran on to just accross the West entrance to Peterson Park. Here the visitors caught me and they led through the park and a Check and finally exited at the Eastern entrance. They were On on a Triple Split and south to another Split at Bryn Mawr. By the time I got there, they were long gone. I went west and wasn't on. So I headed south into this huge parking lot, the other direction from that Split. Around the parking lot and nothing. Damn. And then a whistle and there is Lifa on the other side of the street from where I had previously run and he is On. So with a Cemetery here, it is straight west. Castration Sensation passes me and finally Lower Wackoff catches me at Pulaski. And a BN Check. Lifa went north. Castration Sensation went north. I picked west and Lower Wackoff got stuck with north. West was it and at the end of the road was the hares car and beer and the visitors. And then the second wave of rain came in. We could try and find trail north to the start or follow the old railroad right a way to that bridge over Peterson. akjsdfgso picked the path and I followed trying to run through puddles. Castration just walked the path. At the finish I went under the bridge. Dry. akjsdfgso was on the other side of the road, under the bridge. Back Door Bizzle told me to wait there. Eventually, Lifa showed up when he gave up the trail. And the last in were Lower Wackoff and Sex The Final Frontier. And somewhere akjsdfgso disappeared. We think he saw a bus and said, screw this. Then the rain stopped. So we went back on top of the bridge, as originally planned, and held circle. Castration Sensation led it. And all was good. And then a third wave of rain came through. Fortunately Back Door Bizzle gave me and Castration Sensation a ride back to civilization. All was good.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jul 28. 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Its Too Soft hared out of his roof deck at 933 W. Wolfram for eleven hounds. And in usual Its Too Soft fashion it was fucked up by the third mark. At the end of his alley was a two way Split. I followed Hump Back Fail to the south and we were ON heading west to Sheffield. Unfortunately I never saw another mark and neither did anyone else. Ooops. by the time I got back to the two way Split, I saw Castration Sensation heading east in an alley that didn't have an arrow pointing that way. But I was soon ON and everyone was already out of sight. At Halsted and Diversey there was a Check and no one in sight. I ended up going south and somehow got on trail on Schubert. Actually Berts Special Friend showed up and found that. So trail then went south on Burling. Actually know that corner very well. Hung out there in 1946. Not a typo. Back on trail. South to Wrightwood and a quick loop west to Halsted and then east in an alley. And suddenly there were several other hounds there. Right where I went to grade school. Lifa found trail behind my old church and we headed further east in another alley and eventually crossed Clark. At the first street we headed north to Diversey and then west to Sheridan. By now I had lost the pack. Yes, again. But a Check here and I am back with some hounds. I followed J. Kervin and Steps In Shit into the park, but just far enough behind to loose them at the golf driving range. Trail pointed north on the bike path and I missed the quick left turn on Oakdale and kept going. No, no more marks. I returned and didn't go far enough. So it is now ranging time. I ranged all the way to Belmont and no marks. Then west to Halsted. Still nothing. Apparently the rail worked its way to Halsted/Clark intersection and a Check. As I was heading south on Halsted I ran into Castration Sensation. Somehow I got ahead of him before loosing trail and now we converged. Well, at that point I knew where the Whiskey Stop was and headed there. Castration Sensation kept looking for trail and showed up five minutes later. Then we all headed to the roof deck and circle.
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Thu Jul 29, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Berts Special Friend hared out of Superior Playground Park at 2101 W. Superior, AlI can tell you about this trail is at the finish someone called the cops on them in this little playground for making to much noise. Noise in a circle? Never happen. Yeah, sure. So what happened to me. God Damn CTA. I caught my bus that was scheduled to get me there at 7:09, well before hash time. But at my transfer point, and I was on time, there was no bus. We waited for 20 minutes before a bus arrived. And after getting on and settled in, a supervisor arrived and told the driver to head for the garage. Yeah. So now we are in a position where two buses in a row amounted to no shows. My cell phone indicated I wouldn't get there before 7:49, well after hash time and I wasn't about to take off on my own carrying a bag full of t-shirts. Again. Sorry Berts Special Friend. 
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Mon Aug 2, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck hared from a strip of park along Lake Shore Drive and just north of Foster. We had a dozen hounds including one virgin, Just Nora. And she says she'll be back. Whoopee. Welcome. We also had two to many dogs and a slight dog fight. But lets talk trail. Trail headed south for a loop under Lake Shore Drive and back north past Foster and keep it going. Two blocks later we go under Lake Shore Drive and north in the park to a Check at Bryn Mawr. Now, at this point most of the FRBs were long gone and a pack of middle runners were standing around. Hey, it is a Check. The idea is to CHECK IT OUT. So Castration Sensation heads north and across the street and Horn-E heads east into the park and ON. Trail heads north and Castration Sensation takes the lead following trail to a three way split at Hollywood and Sheridan. He gets a light advantage and heads south. I miss that and traffic everywhere so I head north to the next street and a light. No marks. Meanwhile all of those check hangers come to that three way and traffic is right and they head west across the street and On. Damn. Castration Sensation sees them get ON and follows. I get to that corner and find the ON mark and before I leave I see Mommys Little Accident at the three way, held up by traffic. I yell On and I'm off. A block and a half later is a loop into an alley. Castration Sensation missed that as he saw the pack a half block further west heading south. Lucky break. He yelled for me but I didn't hear him over traffic. So I go north in the alley and at this Split. I go straight to the end of the alley and nothing. Returning I take the other option on the Split and I'm On. Meanwhile, during this time Mommys Little Accident got ahead of me at the Split and being the fastest runner of the day, he was long gone and passed everyone and came in FRB. I'm following that pack of Check Hangers thinking they are still behind me. Yeah sure. Well, it was a little zig and a little zag all the way back and never saw anyone again. Finally two blocks from the start, there is a turn into an alley and soon a B at a garage. And there is the pack and all of those people I thought I was ahead of. Shits how that happens. So we head to the start for a circle and lead by Back Door Bizzle and all was good.
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Tue, Aug 3, 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Its Too Soft is laying trail Oz Park. Another story I'd like to write about, but DAMM CTA. Yes, again. This time I'm on my bus to get me there on time and I hit Foster where they change drivers. And the replacement driver doesn't show up. This is the second time in about a month and so we sit there. About 20 of us, until the next bus come along 20 minutes later. That is 400 wasted minutes or over 6 man hours wasted. By they I wouldn't have made it until well after the pack had left. So I turned around and went home. To damn much of this lately. Its Too Soft, hope you had a nice turnout.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dillion hared out of Hawthorn Scholastic Academy with a last minute Co-Hare, Stiffy 4 Stiffies for eventually 17 hounds. He was a virgin hare, so we can blame all of the mistakes on trail on Stiffy 4 Stiffies. The trail started out to the north of the school yard and then under the El track led by that short cutting bastard, Horn-E. And on to the north and west. By then the pack was passing me and we finally came to a Check at Addison that really screwed the FRBs. Yeah, me too. And I finally left there with Back Door Bizzel just as a trio or Waukesha visitors finally arrived, walking. We ran on to a Check at Clark ad just north of Wrigley Field. Back Door Bizzle headed north where he saw marks on his way to the hash. I went east and then circled Wrigley Field, counter clockwise looking for trail. At 4 o'clock I finally found a mark and ran through the Red Line station and another Split. I guessed wrong, but there was a mark that way that looked like the hares arrows. Returning on the south side of the street, the pack was just arriving. I led down the alley and was soon passed. We worked our way over to Halsted and Just Christian, (one of the two) and SnatchSquatch and myself worked the trail to the south and finally trail headed west and after a Triple Split I was now running alone. At Clark there was a Check and Beer Near. I headed west and was on and suddenly not On and out of no where. Furry Spice buzzed by me. We weren't on actual trail, but somehow we both made it into the Beer stop and finish. After a short circle we got into naming the hare, Just Dillon. No, we didn't name him Just Dillon. We named him Hump Back Fail.                               .
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Fri Jul 23, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch  hared out of Northman on the Riverwalk for an A to B hash to the other side of the river for twelve hounds. We headed to the south and into that little park between hi rises that used to be a 9 hole inner city golf course. Really. We came out at Randrolph upper level and headed further south into the park for a loop to the east and down to Lower Randolph. I think there was a Split here. But SnatchSquatch, sweeping, yelled go west old man and I ran under the upper deck. Then suddenly, Friday, Bloody Friday. I approached the back of a parked bus and just as I entered the shadows, my right big toe found a bolt. Not a lightening bolt. A rusty old bolt sticking out of the concrete sidewalk, probably what was left from some old traffic sign. Like no bus parking here. I did the six foot four point landing izzy dizzy in the dirty dusty concrete and came up with a 10, 9, and a 9. Not enough for even a bronze medal, but a burple heart. Seven bleeding spots and a bruised toe, both hands and knees and right arm. And we just began the hash. But we had to hash on and one injured old man doesn't stop the hash. Hell, it wasn't even a dog bite. We came out to upper level Randolph and headed west to a Check at Michigan. Now, normally we'd go south into Millennium park, but this was SnatchSquatch and we returned to find the Check marked to the north and across the street. So we are on and heading west toward Wabash and then north across the river and into a maze of paths on multiple levels around Trump Tower and the Wrigley Building. By the time I emerged from all of that no one was in sight. There was a turn arrow going north on Michigan. Well. eventually the trail went across Michigan, but I never saw the mark. Three times I past where the trail went across Michigan. Damn tourists standing on arrows. But I finally get on and head east. upper level and at Columbus I head south to just before the river. Stairs there and it was down and On In. Turns out that Putt Putt In The Butt lived right above the B spot and offered to let me go to his gym and wash off some of the grit and dirt and clean up all of the blood. We then held a circle and after circle Putt Putt In The Butt invited everyone to a 6th floor roof deck to hang out. All was good. We did have two visitors from the Carolinas, Poop There It Is and Nipples To Infinity. Saving Myself For Two Black Guys was back in town and brought his sister, Just Amanda. She's only run once or twice but lives here and wants to come back. So welcome her with a good hash welcome when she returns.
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Sun Jul 25, 2021, The Second City Hash had False Advertising and Crotch Fire haring a canoing/kayaking hash from Busse Woods. A beautiful day, but I haven't heard anything about the hash. x
Mon Jul 26, 2021, The Chicago Hash. The hares were supposed to be Feather and Maybe Mollie. It had been listed for some time as Cleo's or a nearby park. Finally I saw on the TH3 Calendar that it was at Cleo's at 1935 W. Damen. That was on Sunday. I would imagine a day later that I could count on that. Hell, Maybe Mollie signed up over a month ago. So I arrived at Cleo's as 7:30 and the bar was empty and no hash marks anywhere. I looked around a little and then finally found out on my Cell Phone that the location had been changed, without announcing to everyone, especially everyone who might attend, that the location was now at Eckert Park. I caught a bus and headed there. Naturally, no one was there and I circled the entire park, finally finding where the circle started. By now it is about 8:00 and I had two choices, Follow the trail carrying a heavy bag full of T-shirts or hang around for who knows how long, hoping that it is an A to A. I went home. Wasted 3 hours. Thanks all. Things can go wrong and changes might be necessary. But first, the hares should get out what they hope is a permanent starting location in a timely manner. Like well over a week in advance unless you are a last minute hare. And then, live up to it. If changes are necessary, will an A to B work so the start can stay the same and nobody gets screwed. Or Maybe a nearby place. Not everyone has a car for a quick change. And how about marking at the original place so people can hopefully get to the changed location. I don't know the reason for this change. I'm sure there was a reason, but there is seldom an excuse. This has been going on since I started hashing, mostly with Chicago H3. The first time it happened was October 1985. Some people in the inner clique decided to have one more Monday Hash with the nice weather before switching to Sunday for the winter. Unfortunately, they only got around to telling their good friends, the inner clique, probably late Sat. night. I showed up on Sunday and rode around on my motorcycle for a long time looking for some marks. Ruined my day. So, I've been burned before and it is never right. I have seen others burned before. It sucks. Get it right as soon as possible and do your best to stick with it. And if you can't, do your best to inform everyone possible of the changes. It is your responsibility to do what you can to not hurt your friends, and possibly visitors and virgins.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Mommys Coming and Castration Sensation set trail from Horner Park. Well, at least they say they did. But Mommys Coming set us off and manned the beer stop and Castration Sensation was off setting trail. We went straight north to a little park and then a Check.  I went down an alley and when I returned, they were gone. But I plugged on and suddenly saw the pack coming my way. A Back Check gone wrong. It was marked Back Check 2 and turned out to be a Back Check 3. Well. I tried that along with Back Door Bizzle on the other side of the street. At the alley we turned back. Damn, another 30 feet and I would have been On. So we worked the area and much time and about 7 miles later we returned to that Back Check and retried the Back Check 3 idea. By the time I got there, SnatchSquatch Its Too Soft, Just Emanuel were off on the trail, finally. Back Door Bizzle came back to check on me. So the two of us followed through Checks and Splits that weren't swept. That Check on Lawrence was another slow down for us. But we ran On. We finally came to an alley along the El Tracks. As we came out there was a Check and Flamming Flaggot who came late and got directions to there. So I now ended up walking along with him and following the pack. We ended up along Lawrence, crossed Western and then south along Lincoln, through a park and west on Montrose. We missed the Beer Stop in an alley and walked on in with the pack. Except SnatchSquatch and Back Door Bizzle who kept running on more trail I knew nothing about. Along the river on narrow wooded path and down to Irving Park. Then over the river and back to the start, on the hill where the pack was waiting. And the hares drank plenty. Then the newbie, Just Emanuel showed them how to really do a proper Down Down. Twice. Well done. Then the first few rain drops came and I headed out. Unfortunately not soon enough. Got wet and it took a looong time waiting for two bus transfers in the rain. Damn.   x
Sat Jul 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve on a beautiful day, sun shine but not to hot. And only three hounds showed up. And a great new trail that they missed at least a third of. Shit happens. They took off to the Northwest along the bike path and soon headed into brush and towards the start of the bike bridge over the tracks. There I had a Split. SW over the bridge or NW down a hill and then SW over the tracks at track level. They missed this. Now, the Split only pointed two ways, but they tried a third way and found the ON Back trail. Damn narrow woods. But they shouldn't have even looked here. So they ran SE along the river and to the Beer Stop and no beer and only a half mile or so. So, realizing their mistake they returned to that Split and found trail this time. Good. So they are on and a Check at the other end of the Bike Bridge. After finding this into the woods they came out to prairie and a field full of prairie flowers two to four or five feet high and TP going right through the middle. Don't crush the flowers. They did some of this before realizing that there was a path around it and being lazy bastards they headed to the path. Trail finally came out to Lechowicz Woods picnic area and an arrow pointing across the grassy picnic area. Apparently they missed the marks in the grass but eventually it came to the river and a Split. And they went right and it was wrong. Gotcha. They finally returned and from there it was a nice path along the rivers edge and up to the tracks again. As they climbed up to the tracks they saw a train coming and were more concerned looking out for the train then the marks and missed a huge arrow pointing NW across the trestle. Instead Zone 2 crossed the tracks and spotted an arrow at rivers edge from the return path. Damn, the screwed up the narrow again. So they ran on in along the river's edge and that On In part for the third time. There they found the hare at rivers edge with two six packs, Bloody Orange and Billy Goat. And except for the skeeters that kept ignoring the buckets of bug spray we all wore, all was good. So we abandoned that spot and headed to the picnic area and a park bench in the sun and finished the beer. Beautiful Day. One other thing. We all spotte a pair of Blue Herons flying along the river, And did they squak when they wanted to.
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Mon Jul 19, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sleeping Booty laid trail from Lincoln Park near Wisconsin. Yeah, it goes a long way. Trail had about 18 hounds and took off to the east into the park through the fumes of the Farm in the Zoo. That was almost as bad as some alleys we go through. We headed south to the tunnel under La Salle Drive and a Check. Here we headed west into Old Town and I was soon all by myself. I thought I was DFL. But I was suddenly passed by Construction Junction etc. and then Cockholm Syndrone just as I was approaching a much needed Porta Potty. So I had to wait. Then along came Lower Wackoff and he had to wait. I finally took off and followed trail. Finally Cockholm Syndrome passed me and I just ran on and on and finally came to a beer stop. And some how that sneaky bastard Lower Wackoff was already there. Damn, DFL. We soon took off and I was soon near the back as we headed west. Then we saw hashers coming back from a Back Check and it soon led to a Check. I went north and the pack went west. Damn. So Now I am running behind and following behind Back Door Bizzle and then he disappears. Damn, I'm alone again. But I keep following trail to a Check on Clybourn. I see the last of the pack, Happy Ass Grabber running across the street coming back from a False Trail. By the time I crossed the intersection he was long gone. Lights and damn lights. trail went into a area with some mixed up angled streets and I see Eat My Pussy ahead. And then gone and damn, I'm alone again. Finally I hit some EL tracks and trail underneath. At Dickens is an E & W Split. But someone marked a true trail mark across the street and east. A block later I realized that it didn't go this way. Damn. A bad mark is worse then no mark at all. The trail went straight east on Dickens and at the first corner it went north on Bissel and there was no mark on that north corner. Thanks a lot. So I run on and into De Paul area. Here I missed a mark into the campus and a block later I realized I was off trail. But I was so damn far behind I figured trail was just north to Fullerton and circling back. Wrong, They Checked at Halsted and Fullerton and then went much further north. Meanwhile I headed straight east looking for some kind of return mark. Nothing. At Clark I headed south and came into the finish, FRB. WTF. Where was everybody? It was another 10 minutes before they came on in.  Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and all was good.
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On On
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 15, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid his anal Running of the Bulls hash from Union Park for seven hounds. There were three Bulls and three hounds and one dumb late cumer, Horn-E. The idea is that the Spaniards get a head start and the bulls try to catch/gore them. But this time the Spaniards sabotaged the trail and the Bulls were really lost on Ashland. I just missed the Bulls taking off, but I caught them on Ashland when I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Mommys Coming, running all over the area. I tried to join then but with a heavy back pack, that wouldn't last. And just as suddenly they were gone. But Stiffy 4 Stiffies mentioned something about the trail maybe going by Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her's codo. Sounds like an unscheduled/scheduled beer stop. So I headed south to Ogden and then south on Ogden towards their condo. Then I found a Check. First, which way did it come from. Then was it an On Out Check or an On Back Check. It came from the north so the assumption was it was heading south west to the BS. Southwest, not. West, not. South, maybe, big freaking loop and Not. So I tried NE on the other side of Ogden and there it was. So It is an On Back Check. I worked it and it wasn't hard and I came to another park. As I am working the Triple Split, the wrong way, I ran around the park and finally picked up on marks and was off. But as I worked that Triple Split, I heard an R U. I yelled back "NO". The pack was just catching up and ran into the park for a beer stop. Damn, nothing was working right. So I am heading north and a Check. I guessed wrong, but worked my way to Randolph and back to the start. No B anywhere. Just the starting marks. Damn. So I ranged back to that last Check and started working it. East, Not. And as I return to that point I run into a bunch of drunk hounds and we all waked back to where I just came from. And so the pack gathered and we held circle and all was good. Also there were Dick Hermonica, Happy Ass Grabber, False Advertising and Sleeping Booty also on trail. Swing Low

Fri Jul 9, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Harrison Park. We had eight hounds and took off to the south. I was having trouble with a bad ankle sprain since Tuesday's 4X2H4 Hash and it hurt as I arrived. So I was starting slow and suddenly the ankle felt fine. At the first Check I was last in and it took a bit but we were soon off to the west and some of the pack were already out of sight, like Lifa and Mommys Little Dumpling. So the rest of us struggled along. Somehow we lost Lower Wackoff but we got to Western and across and south in an alley and a T and E Split. I caught up to Son Of Spam here and we came out of this little dirt path and headed west under tracks and through Tony's parking lot. As we then headed south, the pack was coming towards us. Missed a hidden arrow. So we are finally back on and heading east. We are a small pack of five now. We cross Western and into an alley and finally between a fence and into ancient ruins. Trail went on at the remnants of building foundations as Stuffin Muffin led here. I followed Magnetic Muff, risking falling in the tight vegetation and squeezing through a fence. Its Too Soft chickened out and went back and looped around. As we come out we head east and there were Son Of Spam and Its Too Soft heading north. At the next block was a Check. Magnetic Muff waited on the corner and the four guys split up aAnd yet again, nd headed north and east on both sides of the street. I don't know what happened with them after that. I found an arrow into an alley and never found another after a long block. But there was no way I was returning. That alley smelled like it was serving nothing but fish markets and Chinese restaurants and their garbage, a week after the start of a garbage truck drivers strike. So I went south a half a block and there was a mark. I'm ON but no one in sight to call out to. So I run on and finally come to a BN Check. Back on trail soon I'm heading north and just east of Damen and I come to a Triple Split. South was wrong so I loop to the east and again wrong. I finally return to the Split and head west to Damen and I'm soon On and heading into the finish. And for me, I was running pretty damn good. About as fast as Lifa and Mommy's Little Dumpling running backwards. Really felt great. We broke out chairs and formed a circle. But we were one chair short. And so, in circle, you stood in the center of the circle and gave a down down. That person got up and you quickly grabbed their chair. Musical chairs. Except Its Too Soft who wouldn't release his chair. Then we find out that it isn't even his chair. Worth another down down. But all was good. Swing Low

Sat Jul 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, Summer idiot-a-rod. Stiffy 4 Stiffies set this Chicago traditional looooooooong Hash for nine hounds. I got there just as they were leaving and after a Porta Potty stop they were gone and I'm thinking 10 miles playing catch up. Shit. And now my ankle is acting up again and I can't risk running fast to catch up. So, I plod along following trail through Lincoln Park heading north. Finally a Check and it is marked west and under Lake Shore Drive. And another Check at the edge of the park. But a sucker play as the trail headed back into the park and north and finally into the dreaded city alleys and streets. Now, as far as I know, somewhere along here, Lower Wackoff see a Porta Potty and the little green flag is up. He boldly rushes up and yanks open the door just in time to see to see a little girl, or was it an old lady, doing the last wipe. Whoops. He slammed the door and ran off to the nearest alley and stood like a man between dumpsters. Hey, it's his story. But meanwhile I follow trail and down an alley to the north and I think I see Lower Wackoff way ahead. Last I saw of him. He went west and there was an unmarked Check on Argyle. So he heads west and then I arrive and suddenly their is Meat Inside Her, Its Too Soft and Putt Putt In The Butt. And they just found trail to the south. And they run off and I'm behind again, but on trail. Yes, eventually Lower Wackoff got back here and this time it was marked. Then there is another Check and again, I just catch up as they run off to the south in an alley. This time Berts Special Friend was with them. But I ran on and the trail heads west and right by Gay Dancers apartment and even though he was running with us, he short cut the pack to his house for an unscheduled beer stop. I ran right on by and a few blocks later I look back and here comes the pack. We run west on Lawrence and then south through some alleys and eventually to a Check at Wilson and Clark. When I get there, the pack is already gone. But I find trail through Staples parking lot and suddenly there were Lifa and Gay Dancer ahead of me. Well, they were soon out of sight and I'm chugging along alone again and come to a Split at Western, a block north of Montrose. And it is marked False to the west, and the pack is to the south and suddenly returning. WTF. A little screw up here. F means go back to Check or Split. In this case you had to go back through that Split to the previous one and eventually Lifa found that heading north. Meanwhile I'm rechecking straight south and after two blocks, nothing. So I range west and up to Montrose and over to Ravenswood. Nothing. Actually the pack was north of me and going further west then were I stopped. Like I'm running an inner circle and they are runing a wider circle. So I head south looking for marks that might come my way. No way. I get to Irving Park and decide to call it. Remember, I'm running on a bad ankle. And I'm still miles from the finish on an A to B and I don't know where B is. So I start walking east on Irving Park and on the south side of the street so I would be better able to see makes coming north. Meanwhile the pack is running around Wrigley Field with rain and thousands of people walking over the marks. Yes, they got split up into about four groups and I made five. I get to Lake Shore Drive and walk under the bridge and there is a bright beautiful arrow. So, I'm on agan and just as suddenly Gay Dancer comes up behind me, Well, I wasn't running and we was so I mostly followed him north to the pedestrian tunnel and through some city streets and two more Checks and I manage to again run into Gay Dancer at parks edge and Montrose. A few block later we head towards Lake Shore Drive behind a field House and there is the finish. A mob of non runners and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooking burgers, I needed food. Damn good burgers. Eventually we all came on in. Castration Sensation was DFL but he ran 15 miles. Life also got 15. My GPS got screwed up but I probably got 7 or 8 miles. Circle was good and a light rain started and all was good. As I left and got into a bus, Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran up and waved me off after I already paid. He offered me a ride home. Now things are really good. Swing Low my friends.
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Mon Jul 12, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sharti B laid a trail out of Palmer Square Park, west end, and he had 19 hounds for this A to B trail. About 4.5 miles for the Turkey Trail. And yes, I ran the Turkey Trail, but I don't know how or where or when I got on it. Any hoo. trail started through the park and just south to Dickens street and west to California. At this point I'm a little ahead of Lower Wackoff and the pack is out of sight. North on California the trail makes it way over to Milwaukee and a Check. As I get there I see Happy Ass Grabber on the other side of Milwaukee being pulled down the street by his dog. I follow and after a short loop to the south we are back at Milwaukee and just before Armitage I find another Check. Unmarked so I head north and Lifa follows me. Hey, where did he come from. Anyhow I inform him about the Check and we split. Ultimately I find the trail and Lifa and Lower Wackoff and I run on to a Check at Western and Lyndale. Lifa goes straight so I head west. Nothing west and I never saw Lifa again until the finish. Straight north on Western and trail crossed Western but never a third arrow. He ranged and picked up on the trail. Now I followed him and Lower Wackoff on that False and we run into USSR. We return and finally find the real trail east from the Check and it runs on to Oakley and we run into USSR's two virgins, J. Emmanuel and J. Monica. Somehow we all manage to work our way over to Western and Logan Blvd. and a Check. At this point we were on the Turkey Trail but here is where we rejoined the Eagle Trail. and the two rejoin and there are hounds everywhere. From here the trail went to a Check on Logan Blvd by a church. This led to Altgeld through an alley and then west, past a Check, and on in to the finish on the Boulevard parkway just west of Richmond. Circle was to damn loud. I guess that is what happens when I have two working hearing aids. It was like standing in the middle of a rock concert. But all was good and we hung around after circle for a bit. I finally left when I felt some rain and headed on out. Swing Low, hashers. 
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On On
Horn-E

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This pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. We have all reacted to it as we saw it, and learned about it, and in the interests of our own health, as we saw fit. When it first hit, everyone folded hashes in panic, even before the Governor shut down Illinois. But I kept the Bushman Hash open. Not mandatory, but for those that wished to live on as they thought was reasonable. Free choice. When we opened up again, the first hash was in my back yard and I opened up my home. Since then and through this winter I have hosted many hashes and always gave access to my home. Its Too Soft also opened his home for multiple hashes. And we cooked and offered it up to all. Last winter when the hashes shut down, many of us said hell no. Regular hashes and under the umbrella of "Friends Who Run Chicago", we kept the traditions going.  And all last winter we had numbers coming out that rival the regular hashes since we have reopened. We had about 15 to 20 hashers who came out frequently and braved the cold of winter for hashes and circles, on lawn chairs in parks and yards. We kept our thing going. Meanwhile, many hashers showed up once or twice or not at all. We got virgins who wanted something to do and found us. If we were not hashing, they might never have come to enjoy our thing and become part of us. And now that Illinois is opening up, our general numbers haven't really increased all that much. Sometimes less then in the winter. But meanwhile something else has happened.

Vaccine Passports. Since Memorial Day their have been two Rag Time Hashes that I know of. No vaccine, no entry. I've only attended one Rag Time in the past and it wasn't really for me. No problem. Beside one couple, hosts, had a new born baby and I'm sure they were being very cautious. But yet, somehow it was okay to show up last Thursday with the baby and ended up holding the baby in circle with all of that singing, which authorities say is super spreader activity. Hmmm. There was one Second City Hash. As I recall, no vaccine, $10 extra and stay masked. I could miss that one. Then the 4th of July weekend happened. First it was the regular Chicago Hash posted. Come to hash but no entry for the great food and party after without proof on your phone of vaccination. I've been a regular member of the Chicago Hash for over 35 years and this is the first time I was not allowed in. I know, babies, kids. But there would be some relief because of a late entry for the weekend, a Second City Hash. No need to worry here. They hosted a beer stop at the Memorial Day Hash and their kid ran around all over the back yard. And there were about 50 hashers and not a mask in sight for about an hour. Wrong. I was told shortly after arriving that I could stay now, because their kid was sleeping, and I could run the hash, but would have to leave after. Huh! She admitted that she screwed up in allowing Memorial Day. It was hard to get up for the hash, and not fun if you know you have to leave. When I returned for my bag, they were all starting to pile into their above ground pool, covered in bug spray and sweat, and no shower in site. A guess that sweat and bug spray is okay on their kid but me walking around isn't. I digress.

Let's get something straight here. We're talking about some hashers I really like and have always gotten along well with. But you can never stand up to and argue with a woman over issues with her child. That is like getting between a Grizzly sow and her cubs and telling her that her cubs are so cute and cuddly and you only want to pet them. Ain't gonna happen. She will chew you up and spit out the bones.

I guess the main objection is, hash is always open to anyone unless you are going around raping Harrietts or stealing from hashers, or shitting on their couches. I, as much as anyone, kept hashing going through this pandemic. Well over fifty hashes since they closed down, freezing our asses off in the cold dark nights of winter. And now that it has warmed up, those that did nothing are coming out and telling us we're having a party hash and you can't come. Really sucks. If we didn't keep things going, where would hashing in Chicago be now.

We are a club of sorts and if you send out an invitation to host a hash, it goes to everyone. We love some and maybe tolerate others. But we always welcomed all. Until this year. In other words. If you can't invite everyone, don't invite anyone. It is only fare to those that are excluded. You can always hold off hosting a hash until you are comfortable hosting all. But how can you be comfortable if you know you have to exclude friends. Ones that wouldn't exclude you.

My medical decisions are personal and based on knowing my body and what I have read about the virus, the vaccine and the potential side effects. And I have researched it extensively and acting on the advice of countless Doctors and Virologists. I'm not questioning your choices.

One other thing. Most of us know the Sixty-nine Cent Man. He has gone through medical hell this year and still trying to recover. If he were to just show up at one of these restricted hashes, just to hang out as he can't run yet, would you allow him to stay? He got the shots. But they didn't take and their are no antibodies, and he has to get a do over. Does anyone else know if they actually have anti-bodies? Have you actually been tested for antibodies? Just asking.

Rant over. I only hope we can all hash at every opportunity, and desire to do so, without conflicts.

On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Jun 30, 2021, Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lifa laid trail out of Independence Park and we had a small pack of fast hounds and slow hounds and somehow I ended up with the fast hounds and eventually FRB. No, I didn't earn it, and yet I did. Later. We took off south and along the Expressway. There was a Check along here and falling behind early, Lower Wackoff and I had to solve this. But with luck we were right after the FRBs. We got to Addison and a little park and then headed west over the Expy and to a Check. The FRBs were again gone and I headed northwest and not On. Then suddenly the whole pack is gathering around one block west on Addison and no damn 3rd mark. As we circled back to the Check someone finally headed east on Addison and we were on. We lost Garmin along here. Well done, back of the opposite side of the street. Along here we finally realized that we were joined by Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation. Late comers. This brought us to a Check at Kimball. I found this for the small group of back of the pack hashers and we headed north. Just before Elston there was a Triple Split and I picked wrong heading north. But eventually AC DC from Pittsburgh found the Check and we scattered around there before getting On. A few quick alleys and we checked at Kimball and Irving Park. This went north and about two blocks later it evolved into a small group at the front, AC DC and Ass to Seman, both from Pittsburgh, Stiffy 4 stiffies and myself. We headed west on Cullom and got a split at an alley. I went south and was wrong, but I headed west and the three other front runners eventually came to where I was running on Berteau. By then I was at another Check and working it, They found it and another Split at an alley. The visitors found it heading north and Stiffy 4 Stifies and I paralleled to the west. He finally went north looking for them and I kept going west and again, the trail came to me and I got lucky again. So I'm running south towards Irving Park and near the Expy and a little pathway to Irving Park. Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran by me here and because of the traffic lights he just kept going straight and towards the finish at the park. Only it wasn't. I crossed Irving Park and headed east and the two visitors followed and then passed me. But no hare or beer in the park. So I eventually headed back with Ass To Semen and we fount the marks and got back on trail. Heading along the Expy we crossed Pulaski and I raced to beat the lights and headed down this little back path to the hare and beer, FRB. A short time later the back of the pack came on in and finally the real FRBS, came into the finish from the wrong way. So, technically, the normal DFL became FRB and the Real FRB became DFL. A twist of luck. We then headed over to the park for circle and hanging out in the dark.
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Thu Jul 1, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa was a last minute co-hare with Garmin to celebrate his 2500th Hash at Oz Park. We had nine hounds and things got screwed up early. We headed south and at the second Check was the confusion that screwed me and left me alone. When I got there Mommys Coming was saying there was a Back Check three. But a Back Check three was the Check. Or did then mean the mark before that. Well we worked that for a bit and didn't seem to know WTF was happening, So I'm out Checking and when I return they were all gone. Damn. Well, most marks were marked and I ran on through Old Town and eventually into Lincoln Park. I skipped a loop here and was soon at the beer check. From here the trail went straight north, sort of, from about Armitage to a Split at Beldon that was marked straight ahead. There I ran into a bunch of hounds at Fullerton and they were saying that there were no marks, Well, while checking, suddenly I heard a whistle. But no one in sight. So after more checking I headed west at that Split to Clark and still nothing. Lifa told me at the Beer Stop that there were about 2 more miles so, I figured that it had to go much further north, So I did and nothing was found. I circled back to the park and the start to see if they marked where the circle was, NO. So I circled the entire park and was returning to the start when I found the pack and they are calling DFL. Hell, I'd already been by there once and no one was there. Well, we held circle and all was good. And Cock Whisperer was standing in the circle with her new born and that was good. But twice loosing the pack and finding myself running alone was not fun, SH.
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Tue Jul 6, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. False Advertising and Crotch Fire hared from the Shamrock Club for eight hounds. As the pack headed west and then south around the Merchandise Mart and over the Franklin bridge, Chicken Stifer took the lead and was soon returning on the other side of the street. So we got a quick short cut. Then back across the river at Wells. Trail then went back north across the river again on the other side of the street. Lower Wackoff managed to see CS returning to the south again on La Salle and we skipped that loop and headed straight east on Wacker. Trail went down to river level at La Salle and back up at Clark. The hares are really screwing with us on this one. Then we head north across another bridge, this time at Dearborn. At Kinzie was a Check. CS went straight north and so I headed east. One mark and then nothing. So I assumed CS might be on to the north and I headed north for two blocks and nothing. So I loop back to Dearborn, still no marks and head for the Check. There I found Lower Wackoff and two visitors, I Fell Tower and Second Cumming heading west. A block later they were on nothing but CS had run this way back and forth and was last seen heading west. Now I'm thinking. North, East, West were not On. Keeping with the previous pattern, could those bastard hares be taking us back across the river on the east side of Dearborn. I run off and sure enough, I was right. I call the pack and run on. At Wacker the trail goes east. Well, what else is new. At State is a Split and I head back across another bridge. Those bastard hares got us again. YBF over the bridge. So I return and it is the four of us again. This time trail heads across State and down to the river lever. Again. My right knee was hurting the last time I did that so I stayed upper lever and ranged while they went down. They ran on to Michigan and back to upper level. Meanwhile, while trying to see where they were heading, my left ankle want out. I get these on occasion and this was a bad one. Slightest twist can do it. But there was no more running. Lower Wackoff lost the visitors at Michigan and with some wrong guesses he fell way back and was running on his own. He got about 6 miles of a four mile trail. Meanwhile, I limped on towards the start to see if the finish was posted there. No such luck. So, I'm thinking that we end in a garage for beer. He has done that before. So I work a big loop looking for garages with arrows into them. No. I head for the little river park near Erie where we have had beer stops. No. A big loop back to the bar and still not a mark anywhere. Last thought was that the trail went into the loop and then over to that spot under the tracks we've used before. And there they were dispersing just as I arrived. That was fun. Not. I get my bag and my drink and the few left sang DFL and then we did Swing Low and everyone was gone. As near as I can figure, from those I managed to talk to, Chicken Stifer ranged from that Check and finally headed over to B. I'm thinking he knew where it was because he came to the bar from that direction and with the hares. Menage A Twat came in Second because she just does a long walk and the hares told her were the beer was. Castration Sensation came in next at over 7 miles on that 4 mile trail. I saw his GPS. He went the wrong way, several times at every Split and Check. The visitors left just as I got to circle. And I don't know what happened to Its Too Soft, but I'm sure he followed someone on in. And that's the way I heard it and saw it.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Jun 19, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared a really screwed up hash from Cumberland and Irving Park. All right, I know the area, but the woods always change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes to become almost impossible. Trail started out to the north instead of the more familiar south and/or west. That got Lower Wackoff right away. We hadn't been this way for some time so it should be an adventure. Yeah, adventure. Sure. First is crossing the ball fields and picnic areas. Then a little loop through a small section of woods. Was that full of ground clutter. Then after some got a little short cut, trail went around a pond and a Check. Do I know what happened here. NO. I was off buying beer. But trail eventually went across a parking lot and into a dirt path in a field of prairie grasses. This led to a short bit on a regular wide path and then into sparse woods and deeper prairie grasses. And climbing over dead trees and such. This led to a Check at a parking lot. Trail went north and to a wide path heading west. This was paralleling a stinky dead stream with about 6 inches of stagnant water. And crossing that was the goal. But the brier bushes were everywhere and I finally got to the end of the former possible crossings and to a more reliable one. But that meant a five foot climb out. Somebody better help Just Do Me Slowly. From here we back tracked a bit on the remnants of a path that dead ended. The overall plan was to get through here and into some more passable woods. It must have taken an extra ten minutes just to work my way past the thorns and dead clutter that I kept breaking away for a passable path. Just Do Me Slowly had it made here. SnatchSquatch, not so much. Now I am in the woods and somewhat running room. This was supposed to come out to fields and a path. When I came out, there were fields of nice tall grasses and the mostly horrible section of trees going on forever. These trees are little clumps of skinny trees just a few feet apart and hard to even walk through. I tried to go around and finally was coming up to a road and no clear path through the trees. I had to head for the edge of the road and run along that until I saw what might be a good spot to re-enter the woods. It was and I soon found some clearings and paths and at least one Split that lost Stiffy 4 Stiffies. But he looped around and soon picked up on trail as we headed towards the river and a small river crossing. Yeah, like anyone would do that. Even Rambo, I mean Scent Of A Man skipped that. And now the trail was on a real wide path along the river. I looked at the time and "Holy Shit" I am 45 minites from the start time and a long way from the finish and now having to scrap some of the planned trail. Shitty trail. Yeah. I mostly headed straight back with a few short loops into trees. So, while they were running, I returned with the beer and walked back along my trail looking for a good spot for a beer stop. And there was this oasis in the middle of the park, a clump of trees. Upon entering I was met with a nice cool breeze and with the heat of the day, that would be the perfect beer stop. Almost. First there was Stiffy 4 Stiffies. He found that left turn and headed for the trees and was soon followed by the pack in twos and threes. Mommys Coming, False Advertising, Zone 2, Back Door Bizzle, Waiting Four Two Black Guys.  Finally we are all there, except SnatchSquatch. Somehow he kept missing the turn into the Beer Stop and we missed seeing him and he was running back and forth. We were looking Snatch. Really. But we all finally made it in. Then we headed to a picnic area and Lower Wackoff brought out a grill and some meat and we got more beer and all was good in the cool shade and light breeze.
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Mon, Jun 21, 2021,  Chicago Hash. Death By Bukkake and Dr. Cockvorkian laid trail out of Liberty Lounge. Fifteen hounds on trail. And I got off at the first Back Check. Damn. Now I'm playing catchup all the way. Not. Then I miss interpreted a mark as trail went north of Irving Park near construction and at the southern end of Horner Park. I saw it as going right over the bridge. I missed a Split and the trail went west and then through the park. Not finding marks and way behind. I opted to head north hoping for the trail to loop east on Montrose. It did. But before getting there I opted to go east and just missed the beer stop in a park. And I would have caught the pack there. But I figured there wouldn't be a beer stop there because it was to far away from the finish. Wrong. What I didn't figure on was two beer stops. Either did most of the pack. And they went further north almost to Lawrence before circling back and east, Meanwhile I ranged on, but not ON, and finally came back to the bar. No one there. So I ran south to Belmont and then east to Damen and actually found an arrow. Damn, how did that get there. But it went no where. It was off of a check. Well, It was a block west and return, north and return, two blocks east and return and one block south and return before I found the Check. Right across the street from where this all started. Damn. From here it was straight south to a park and I was FRB. WTF. Finally Lifa wandered in. He short cut down Ravenswood and found trail. Well over ten minutes before three hounds came on in. We finally gave up waiting at 10PM. By the time we got back to the bar five hounds already left and two were about to leave. It had been suggested having a long trail for the longest day of the year. But at least run it with us. That and most of us didn't realize there were two beer stops and there were a hell of a lot of Back Checks. All in all, a rough trail, but shit happens and after a beer, we all felt better.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu Jun 10, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sleeping Booty hared from the southwest edge of Lincoln park for a pack of 10 hounds and 3 late comers. That 10 included 2 virgins Just Alana and Just Bret and a visitor Good Wood Licker from the Boston area, We started out to the south and then around the pond for the eagles and Horn-E and the virgins went turkey and merged east of the pond. From here we headed south and out of the park and along Lake Shore Drive and the Gold Coast area. Even hit a few gangways I never saw before. Then we worked our way along Division and Wells and North ave and finally heading into old town. Mostly I managed to stay a little in front of the newbies and they didn't get lost on trail. Eventually we were joined by Back Door Bizzle and finally we hit a check at Lincoln and Wisconsin. I headed north and found nothing. But, at that point I was about a hundred yards from the finish and so I headed ON IN. And Good Wood LIcker called me out in the circle for short cutting. Obviously they hash a lot different at her home hash. During circle we finally ran out of beer and the hare had to go get more. And shortly after I took advantage of the close by bus line right to my house and headed hoome.    
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Fri. Jun 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin where out to kill the hash when they hared out of Sauganash Park. And what I saw was an okay trail for a large pack, but we only had four hounds. Hey, we got more in the dead of winter and 10 degrees. But we were soon off to the north and north and north. At Peterson we had a Split and SnatchSquatch was right by the Split as Lifa returned. That was the last we saw of SnatchSquatch. We were heading north on old railroad right a way/bike path and we were up and down. left side and right side and just missing seeing Snatchsquatch up ahead. We finally came to a T and E just before Devon. SnatchSquatch was long gone on the Eagle and Lifa and Lower Wackoff soon followed. I took the Turkey and headed east. Turkey was a bit of straight east with little dips to the right and left until I picked up on the merging of the two trails. From here I was On to the south and with a few dips to the right or left, finally came out in the parking lot of a brewery. The rest of the pack finally came in at the beer stop about ten or fifteen minutes apart. They went way the hell north for about a 6.5 mile trail. We were going to just have a beer stop here, but by the time we all got in, we decided to circle right there. Then my bus, the last bus of the night, came right by there and I was gone.                               h.
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Sat. Jun 12, 2021, The 200th Big Dog Hash. Lifa and Horn-E hared twice in St. Paul Woods for close to 10 miles. Yeah, one prelaid and one live trail. Damn thunder storms. And we had some nice tricks and such on trail and went through a lot of effort creating them. The good part was we saw a lot of deer in the beautiful green woods. And then there was that little fawn. Running and leading away from us and then suddenly coming right back past us. WTF. Oh, maybe it was the damn coyote chasing him. But the coyote saw us right after passing us and paused to look at us and the fawn was long gone and living another day. As we finally approached the finish, we saw the clouds coming in. Then our phones were showing the bad weather coming right at us, on its nothern edge. We might have to relay the trail. So Lifa went out for more flour and I waited with the pack, such as it was. Back Door Bizzel, Crotch Fire, SnatchSquatch and for the first time in about 15 months, RumpleStealsKids. Then the rains hit, hard, and we huddled in the leaking shelter at the far end with the strong winds and heavy rain. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Spam and Meat Inside Her arrived for a pack of seven. We took off to re lay the trail. And eventually they followed. We had to miss a few of our great tricks, and mostly stayed on the old trail except when we didn't. When we got to the coyote area there is this little stream. When we first laid the trail, we had a Check here and I ended up walking along in the stream with about a half inch of water trickling by for a long False. It rained. Lifa got here first and just crossed it. I asked and he said it was only up to his knees. Yeah, a flash flood. Where I crossed it came up to mid thighs. Just missed my phone in my pocket. Whew! We eventually started to leap frog past each other so the pack wouldn't catch us. Like that would work. I got ahead and headed over to the narrow path along the river and started laying more trail. Along here I tweaked the trail a bit and then heard Lifa catching up and calling out to me. I thought he was just questioning the slight change I made in the trail. Noooo. He had a bit of a slip on that narrow trail and as he headed for the river he grabbed whatever he could to not fall in and lost his flour. He needed me to return to relay from where he ran out of flour. So, missed communication. I yelled I'm On and ran on and he returned to wait for the pack. Hey, it sort of worked. I went on laying trail and they were able to follow what I relayed and eventually I was on a bike path and walking, almost out of flour and with so much shit in my shoes from water crossings, I could hardly run anymore. And Berts Special Friend ran up and snagged the lead hare. Damn. But rumor has it that they did enjoy the trail. Back at the finish they started the grill, chicken and burgers and franks and all was good. Then we held a real laid back circle and finally headed on out. Beautiful day, great weather, well mostly, and good hashing. A 200th worth trail.
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Mon, Jun 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. False Advertising hared from Ashland, Division & Milwaukee for an A to B trail that would end near the home of Soul Taco and Hooch B4 Cooch. This should have been a simple trail. Hey, it was a simple trail. Well, except, tiny light marks. A back Check and I was right at the right spot to head south and find trail and take the lead. But I missed seeing the mark. So we scattered and I finally went back to the Back Check and they found the arrow I missed and they were long gone. Almost. I did see Lower Wackoff heading the right way and followed. But I also missed the next arrow and went along the east of this housing area while the trail went right through it and a quick Check on Milwaukee. When I got to Milwaukee there were no marks, Heading north I found a Split heading right towards me and it was marked southeast on Milwaukee. So, ten minutes later I finally returned to the Split and back to a Check I didn't know existed. And it was marked south and eventually west in an alley. WTF. So I ran on and was finally looking for fading marks in the dark. And some bastard was moving the light small arrows from under bright lights to under trees and behind poles. So twice I got burned on that and added four extra blocks. I finally came in to the finish and they were just starting the circle. So, all was finally good and I had another 6.5 mile trail. Damn. We had 12 hounds on trail that included a visitor from Barbados, China Brush.  Thanks for the patch. For your information, she is putting together a week long Caribbean tour by boat with a hash every day on a different island and finishing with the Interhash in Trinidad next April. 
 
On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the TrailThu Jun 3, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatchwas to hare from the Skate Park just north of Wilson. I arrived late because of a CTA snafu, 25 minutes later then planned. That made it 7:24 and not a hasher in sight. Anywhere. But I did find a true trail mark and no usual chalk talk marks. WTF. I followed that with a heavy back pack hoping to drop it off with the shag wagon. Not. The second mark I saw was a true trail mark on a Check near the lake. Still no Chalk Talk Marks. So I headed out lugging that heavy back pack and the trail was mostly swept and I was doing sort of fine. Even found a short cut at Foster. But they were already past that and long gone. Coming south I found a Check at Lawrence. I went south and wrong, but I finely did pick up on trail around Wilson and west of the Outer Drive and followed that east and around Cricket Hill and towards the Bird Sanctuary. Trail came to a Check and I headed into the bird sanctuary thinking there would be a circle in there. Not. Just a lot of solo guys cruising back and forth. I'm not sure if they weren't interested or if I scared them off, but I got out unscathed and headed west. I eventually picked up on trail again and headed around the harbor to a BN mark. Under the bridge I headed wrong on a Check thinking the trail just might go back to the start where ever that was, because I don't remember any A to B info. Well, wrong again so I went the other way and found the pack on top of Cricket Hill. By my best guess there were11 other trail hounds besides myself. Short circle and then we watched the night lights. Mostly flashing and blue on fast moving cars. Must have been about 15 just northeast of where we were. I left and saw at least 6 more arriving. Then two ambulances. Shooting? Didn't hear that. Knifing? Gang fight? Who knows.
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Mon, Jun 7, 2021, Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Skinner Park. No flashing lights here as we were about 100 yards from the Police academy. We had 15 trail hounds, including two visitors and two virgins. The visitors are now gone and heading back home and the two virgins disappeared before the circle. I hope they got hash cash. Actually Just Katy and Just David seemed to like the hash and hopefully will return now that they have experienced at least the running part. I took off running slow and within two blocks my old ankle injury started acting up. Last week I ran 7 days in a row and over a Marathon. Then one day off and I ran about 3.8 milea with a heavy back pack and no problems. But take three days off and this old fart starts to fall apart. Damn. We ran east and struggled on a few checks but the hares took us into virgin territory along the expressway. WTF. And after this there was a Check and when I limped up, they were standing around while a few Checked. So I went south towards the U of I Campus. Two marks and nothing. So I ranged east to Halsted and back north when there was a mark. I was last along here except for Menage A Twat who was walking. We headed into the loop and got as far as crossing the river. Things got a bit dicey here as they were power washing the side walks. They'll do anything to put people back to work. And it wiped out a few marks, but I was just barely managing to spot Ice Princess and Just Katy and Stockholm Syndrome on and off ahead of me. We headed back west and the T and E Split. I took T and hoped I might get ahead of Castration Sensation. I know he would go for the Eagle. Then suddenly there are three hashers ahead of me. Just Katy, Ice Princess and Happy Ass Grabber walking along. Remember HAG. Probably been at least a year. And get this HAG, this old fart finally passed you after all these years of trying and about 2 or 300 trails together. Persistence pays off. Of course now he'll come back and really pass me again. And then a short time later Castration Sensation passed me. Back to normal. A few blocks later I catch up and he said he hadn't seen a mark for a bit. There are two ways to attack this. He went back and found a turn to the south and was On. I ranged ahead and north and didn't find shit. But I ranged on west and worked my way south looking for marks and suddenly I find the BN Check. So I Checked that out and finally got On and ran on in ahead of those I mentioned. Oh, that sore ankle and limp. Went away and I started moving good. Cockholm Syndrome led us in circle after the virgins left and all was good.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trailx
Wed. May 26. 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome hared from Heritage Green Park for 17 trail hounds. Is that another record? We have been getting larger and larger packs during the so called pandemic. It is safe to hash. We started out to the south and west and the FRBs quickly ran away with the trail. We soon circled back towards the east and over the river. By the time I got here I saw Lower Wackoff heading over a green hill. I followed only to find a fence to be climbed. My nuts still hurt. We then headed south to Harrison and I was able to see Lower Wackoff heading over the river again to the west. I followed and called out to the three hounds behind me, Ice Princess and his two virgins. At the post office the trail went south. A block later trail headed west and I was able to see Its Too Soft returning from the south. I got lucky. A block later was a little circle jerk to the north and I already saw Lower Wackoff coming back so I skipped that and waved back for those last three. We then headed north for a block and then towards the west and the U of I campus. At least the north side of it. I think this is where I lost those last three. Meanwhile I ran on and we circled north and after a few blocks we were back at Halsted and soon to the On IN. Circle was okay until they ran out of beer. Hey, this is Whiskey Wednesday. That is when I left.

Thu May 27, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft hared from his roof deck. Rain was threatening, but never came during trail. The hare used railroad chalk which turned out to be problematic right from the start on the wet pavement.  But, we had to do with what we had and the hare was sweeping. There were 7 of us and we really tried to work together and after about an hour we weren't half way and spent at least 15 minutes on the last mark before finding a Split on Clark and Sheffield and we don't know how we got there. We scattered and got no where and some including myself finally bailed. Back at the roof deck the pack was gathering and even some non runners. And the fire pit was raging. I still managed to keep my eyebrows from those raging flames. Ice Princess was first back. Or is that gave up first. The ones who got the furthest finally had to give up around Wrigley field. That was Mommys Comming and Sleeping Booty. Separately. Finally Lower Wackoff came crawling in. And he never gives up. Yep, even he gave up. The others were Santa Cums Once a Year and Castration Sensation. No, no Harrietts. Again.
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Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa laid trail from River Park at Carmen and Francisco. It was supposed to rain again. But no rain. Lifa laid a live trail in green powder. And every mark was bright and easily spotted. I was late. Yes again. But I ran right out and eventually caught Lower Wackoff who was marking all of the Splits and Checks real well. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend were also coming late. That is four and there were five FRBs running wild ahead of us. Trail did a loop to the west and south through some river park and then in a counter clockwise trail from there. I joined Lower Wackoff as we struggled together solving Checks and Splits and marking them. We were finally caught by the other late comers and a block later we were met with a Malort Stop right behind the garage of Antique Load Show and Ritilin Cum Bubble. Back on trail it was soon just me and Lower Wackoff. Shortly after crossing Foster I caught a Check Back 1. Well, Lower Wackoff found it and I circled in the other direction and back toward where I thought he would come with the trail. NOT. I finally found myself back at the start and no one there. But a short time later Mommys Coming arrived from the beer stop and the pack was soon there. We held the usual Moon Hash circle and everyone was off. Where I don't know. But I went home.
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Sat, May 29, 2021, Chicago Hash. Soul Taco hared this pre lub hash from the northern tip of Goose Island. There were about 30 hounds on trail. Trail took off over the bridge and to the east for a quick Check. This was falsely called to the east and then north and only two marks. As the fast smart local runners headed back, and this dumb hound followed, those other bastards ranged far enough and found trail. Nothing like a cluster fuck to start things off. So we ran north to Cortland and then straight west to almost Elston. And the pack was a bit strung out. Trail went north for a loop and as I arrived at the turn north, I saw the pack heading south on Elston. Easy. I followed. Ended up with Lower Wackoff as we headed towards North Ave and then west under the Expressway. From here it was on in to a beer stop at Soul Tacos roof deck. 72 freaking steps up. But Sleeping Booty provided some good micro beer and I actually tasted a bit. Good stuff. We finally headed out and I was following Mommy's Coming and the pack just swept by me as we headed towards Division and a T and E Split. I'm not keeping up with that pack so I headed off on the Turkey. We headed west to Elston and then instead or straight over to Goose Island, the trail headed north on Elston. I'm running on the east side of the street and a small pack is ahead of me on the west side and on trail. Suddenly a Check and they are scattering. So I keep going north and never saw them again. I think the trail went south on the east side of the street and over to Goose Island. Meanwhile I ran on north to North without marks. I headed to the On In and nobody ever showed. So now I am really fucked up. I retreat to Division and finally find another Check. I followed the trail through a bit of Goose Island and over the bridge to Halsted. This eventually led to a little mall and I missed the mark saying head up. Yeah, to a roof of a parking lot for another beer stop. By the time I found that, Prickley Puss and Mommys Little Accident were coming down the elevator. So I just ran off to the finish for the second time and came in just before Mommys Coming and Double Meter Beater. We held circle here in the warm sun and all was good. 
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Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and One Fuck Chuck hared from Edgebrook Woods for the main event of Memorial Day weekend. About 50 or so were there and most went either on a walkers trail or the main trail. Before I forget, thanks to Silent But Deadly for putting it all together and our cooks who stayed behind while we ran trail, Feather and Son Of Spam. After Chalk talk we headed east and Horn-E managed to find the trail into the woods where there was an immediate Split. Some quickly passed me and we headed down hill and along the rivers edge and to Central. Nice. Now we followed trail along the golf course and past a housing section and finally back to the woods and a long narrow section along the river, high up at first and eventually down to rivers edge and on and on until they went under Devon and up and over the Devon bridge over the river. And here they laid a Check, just like there was a Check here two weeks earlier on the Bushman Hash. And they both came out to run that trail and SnatchSquatch said, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And they imitated the Bushman trail along here, about 75% of the trail, until they finally branched off near the end of the woods. And I got to actually run some trail in the woods for once and it was great. I seem to have more energy in the woods and I did on that trail. Back to that Check. They ran trail off in the direction of a former False and ran a little different trail in the woods and across a parking lot and towards the foot bridge. Then they were exactly on the old trail, a nice foot path ziggng and zagging along the rivers edge and up towards the bike path. Then the trail went along the rivers edge, paralleling the bike path and most of the pack opted for the bike path. I took the slower river path, but that is why we were in the woods. Then there was a Check were I had one two weeks ago. This led into the ravine and they paralleled the ravine on a nice winding path and then towards the east and into the woods, finally circling south along Caldwell before finally coming out into city streets. This led south through the neighborhood and over to the Metra Tracks and station and then north to the home of W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie for an extended beer stop. Nice back yard and we all finally gathered.  After we left, there was a city trail back. Hey, I know this area and I took a direct way and along the tracks and was soon in to the finish. We ate some damn good grub, thanks cooks. Then Gay Dancer and Dr. Cockvorkian called us together in the nice warm sun for a good circle. Shortly after the start and some announcements, I was called out for a toast. It is Memorial Day. I called out all the Veterans and military and reminded everyone that we were the lucky ones who returned, so how about 15 seconds of silence for those that didn't. "Heres to the Fallen, Red, White and Blue. They fought for freedom, for me and you. They were heroes, so they say. They finally got to heaven, it was a long hard way.  To the Fallen." Then the fun part began and it was a fun circle. After that the pack just sat around in the sun and drank beer and watched Likes Twice The Seaman fly his drone. Crazy stuff. I finally left in time for my last bus with Its Too Soft.
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Mon, May 31, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid this trail and Its Too Soft co hared as cook and beer meister etc. This was to be a hang over hash and there might be a trail for the hung over. Three walked that and returned early. Meanwhile the rest of the pack, 13 hounds were off and running. I was with the pack to the first Check and in the confusion and people heading off in wrong directions and the pack following and then all returning and a real cluster fuck. Suddenly they are gone and Lower Wackoff and myself were left alone. Damn. We ended up going south on Halsted and then some alleys (Do they ever pick up garbage in that area). I fell behind LW and got real messed up at that next check, going east and south before getting back on trail north to Halsted on Lincoln and a three way. And caught Lower Wackoff here. He went on two of the three arrows and found nothing. I went on the third arrow and found nothing. WTF. Well, that  third arrow wasn't really pointing the way trail went and we finally got on trail. Most of the Splits and Checks were marked with sticks and such and many of the sticks got moved before we got there. So, when the marked direction didn't work, we started Checking. It was a struggle but we were moving forward. Close marks after splits and such helped. Finally I came out of an alley onto Diversey and there were two little girls trying to sell Lemonade. Hey, this trail was getting long and dry so we had a lemonade break. Hey, I'll take that over the Bloody Mary break the rest of the pack had and we missed. We ran on north of Diversey and we know we were heading on in. Sort of. But we split up on a Check and both were on False trails and then followed the other and somehow missed each other. I finally found the trail and headed on in and LW was soon right behind me. Its Too Soft had three kegs going and a pack sitting around in the warm sun and soon the food started flowing. Loved the Salmon patties and the ribs and noodles and such. Thanks. Finally headed on out after Hooch B4 Cooch held a belated circle.
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Tue, 1 June, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend laid a trail from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. And yet again I forgot the start time is a half hur early and as I got off the bus, about 7:10, there was the hare finishing off the last part of his trail. He was nice, imagine that a nice hare, and took my shag bag (Thanks Berts Special Friend) as he was almost done and directed me to trail. A half mile away. So I'm on major catchup that will never happen for another large pack of 13 hounds. Well 12 and me. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation marked all of the Splits and Checks, in case some jerk like Horn-E comes late and so it was a good run, 3.8 miles. Ran straight to Western and then south and found trail, off into neighborhood streets and back to Western. Then going south to a Check it was pointed into a KFC parking lot. Some ass hole decided to use it as a short cut right turn to avoid the light and sure as hell didn't care about this honky jogging through the lot. Damn near hit me. And he wasn't going slow. From here a loop to the west and further south and then the north and west part of the course. Up Ogden and a few other streets until Damen and north to where I got off the bus. But, no, not on in. On to the beer stop and north of the Expy and to the back door of the hare. And of course everyone was already gone. Back at the finish we held circle and Lower Wackoff played R A and did a decent job, Damn rookies. But some good songs. After Back Door Bizzle offered a ride home and I was off.
This was the last of 7 straight days of hashing and there were three survivors, Mommys Coming, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E. Actually it was just the three of us after just 3 hashes. Get a life, get a life, get a life, life life. This is our life.
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On On
Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done.  
New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the cold.  We occasionally charge  up to $10 for hash cash sometimes, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
We have had a lot of new hashers during this pandemic lockdown. And they have no Hash shirts. Yes, they can order hash shit on line. But I'm going to try an open up the Bizzare Bazzar again and bring around some old used shirts and maybe even an occasional new shirt. Price. What you think it is worth. The money will go to beer. Might not have all sizes, but just a few shirts now and then. Probably mostly day hashes. To hard in the dark. So if you want some hash attire bring along some cash.
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Wed. May 26. 2021, 7:00pm. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome is haring from Heritage Green Park at 620 W. Adams $0 Hash cash or BYOB
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Thu May 27, 2021, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck.  Hash Cash $5 or BYOB ThirstdayH3.com
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Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa will hare from River Park at Carmen and Francisco. Hash Cash $5 or BYOB
xSat, May 29, 2021, 2:00pm, Chicago Hash. Soul Taco will hare from the northern tip of Goose Island. Access by car from Division two blocks west of Halsted or over the foot bridge from 1049 W. North Ave. Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.com
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Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and One Fuck Chuck will hare from Edgebrook Woods just south of Caldwell on Central. Accessible from the CTA Blue line Jefferson Park Station. Central bus and it is shortly after the river crossing. Or the CTA Red Line to Bryn Mawr and take the Peterson bus to the western Terminal. Walk about a block south. Or Metra to Edgebrook and walk about two blocks south on Central. No same day registration.  ChicagoHash.com
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Mon, May 31, 2021, Noon, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder and Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck. , Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.com
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Tue, 1 June, 2021, 6:30 pm the 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend will hare from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. This is about 2 or 3 blocks south of the Eisenhower Expressway. Hash Csh $2 or BYOB
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The Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 20, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Garmin laid trail from Winnemac Park. We had 11 hounds and three hounds on trail. We took off to the west and south and out of the park and into an alley and already I was falling behind. Then I really fell behind on Lawrence as I passed a side walk cafe and there was That Thing That Vibrates, No, not that thing. Well, yes, that thing. Sort of. It was a former Chicago Area hasher. At one time she started the Rag Time Hash. Supposed to be a once a month early Saturday hash followed by brunch for Harriets. That lasted about three months and guys started to show and then actually started haring. I guess their feminine side was really getting to them. Anyhow, I finally took off and at Western I found a Check. One False trail later I got on and to the south on Western. A few blocks later a park and another Check. Found that easily and at the far end of the park was another Check. I started to the south and ran into Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft. and eventually Palmolive These Pricks. They already checked south and east so I went north and was soon on to the east. We got to Damen and Its Too Soft was now leading as we crossed Wilson and a Check. Marked west. I was following Palmolive These Pricks and she kept going north. So I did. A block later we had no marks so we ranged west and were right on trail in an alley. This led to a long circle jerk and back to Damen. A triple Split and I was soon on in. Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft got stuck on that last Check, somehow. SnatchSquatch led us in the circle with a great circle. Alright, I lie. After that I managed to sell four t-shirts and went home.
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Sun, May 23, 2021, Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly and Mommys Coming hared from Underbar just north of Belmont on Western. We had 20 hounds on trail and took off to the north. At Roscoe there was a Check and the hash scattered. But SnatchSquatch new the area and correctly guessed to the west. At the river we headed south to Belmont and the hash got really screwed up here. But we finally got on and headed south on the far side of the river. We crossed Elston and by the time I got there I could see the pack returning from a Back Check. SnatchSquatch found trail to the south and I was right behind him. At the next corner was a Split and I got stuck with right. Wrong. Now I'm back of the pack. We went into a section of housing along the river and along here Zone 2 fell behind me. I could occasionally see Lower Wackoff ahead, but couldn't catch him. We ended up running east on Diversey and a block past Damen and then North. Not on marks, I was following Lower Wackoff. As we came back towards Damen, suddenly Castration Sensation and Just Mallory (?) came out of an alley. So it was sort of the four of us heading around a park and north in an alley and a T and E Split. They took the Eagle and I took the Turkey. So shoot me. Two blocks later I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch and the trail came back together. I followed it on in and there was a large part of the pack that also did Turkey. When the pack finally got all in, we headed into the bar next door. Closed, but we circled in the back and we had a decent circle. Shortly after the circle I headed home and although I got hit with the cold front I mainly missed the rain.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Tue. May 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash #282. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Peterson Park. He tried this trail some time back and only had two old farts turn up because of potential bad weather. So he was giving it another try. This time we had 10 hounds on trail and he almost hit exactly the same trail as last time. But even knowing where the trail was going I soon fell behind. A little dip into the woods and over to Peterson and east to a Check. As I got there, they were scattered and Lifa was heading towards the true trail. I followed to the south in an alley. Third as I came out of the alley and a Split. Lifa went east, Back Door Bizzle stood there with his dog and I went west and On trail. But the pack was soon past me and I was falling back. Nice weather made the marks a lot easier to see. We got down to Bryn Mawr where the trail headed east and a Check and I again almost caught the pack as we worked out way northeast and a park at Peterson. Here I was right behind Castration Sensation as he entered the park. There was a big Check here and I could see some of the rest of the pack running towards Peterson at the far end of the park. A Turkey Eagle Split. Everyone went east on Peterson and I went straight north on the Turkey trail. At a mall on Lincoln was a mark crossing Lincoln across a drive way and back across Lincoln with the T and E trails coming together. But the marks looked screwed up to me. I saw the mark as heading SW across Lincoln but in reality the next mark was South along the crosswalk. Damn. I ran in circles looking for trail and upon returning to that mark, the pack was all back together and I was last again. A block south and then west and I watched them disappear back to the north. I went straight and eventually the trail came back to the street I was on and I ran on in to Peterson Park. There I found a Back Check and as I was returning Lifa arrived. I found trail into the woods and B and Lifa was right there with his touch and we found beer. Eventually the whole pack made it on in and Magnetic Muff was DFL. We finally headed back to the Field House and held circle in the dark and ate some treats from Just Do Me Slowly
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Thu May 13, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps N Shit laid trail from Arrigo Park.We had 13 hounds and it was a fast trail with a lot of fast hounds. I quick loop east and north and then west to Ashland. I got there at a Check and the pack was already disappearing over the Expressway to the north. The last I saw of them. I crossed the Expressway and headed east following trail and marked Splits. Finally the trail headed north on Racine and when it hit a Split, I said, forget this. I'm so damn far behind already. So I ran straight up Racine to Taylor and then west to Loomis looking for some kind of mark. Nothing until I got back to Arrigo Park. There I followed trail to the beer stop and the pack. About three were still missingnand eventually the pack was whole with Castration Sensation coming on in DFL. I would still be out there if I didn't short cut. Shit Happens  Beautiful night and we hung on e=well after circle. Another sausage fest with Just Krista/Christa woth her dog being the only lady besides $20 Butt Slut. Please come back. We love you Harrietts.
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Sat, May 15, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid a magnificient trail from Bunker Hill Forest Preserve. Well. it was wonderful until One Fuck Chuck ran past a False. Damn. Well, shit happens. We did gather and when Lifa arrived we took off heading SE along the paved bike trail. A short loop down to the river and back up and SnatchSquatch did the first header of the day. A short Back Check and we were soon running along the river and little bluff over the river on a narrow dirt path. This eventually came to a narrow point and a good spot for a Check. One False headed southeast along the river. Gotchya. Another False went out on the paved path and South East. Here is where One Fuck Chuck ran past the False mark. About fifty yards later was what I thought were hidden marks from the real trail. None on the path and one way into the woods on a tree. No one was supposed to get near there. Ooops. I yelled and they kept going. I managed to catch SnatchSquatch and get him re directed. Lifa was already on the correct trail. So, I followed them into the ravines area and back to the northwest going up and down the ravine and a big log crossing and such until a Check at the north end. Here Just Do Me Slowly was waiting. SnatchSquatch found one False and soon was back on trail to the east and south and into woods like a Bushman Hash should be run. I lost site of him and eventually Lifa as I hung back with Just Do Me Slowly. I finally spotted SnatchSquatch heading straight west on a path and on trail with Lifa right behind. They were on and finishing the best part of trail. This led to the river and an arrow across the river at the Devon Bridge. A Check on the other side and this had two long Falses. And both of them slowed down those front running bastards until Lifa and SnatchSquatch finally arrived and they finally found the true trail along the rivers edge. Trail went on with paths and off trail stuff as we sort of followed the curves of the river. At the Bike Bridge, trail went straight to a huge log and an arrow on top pointing to a log on the other side of the river. Here was a loop that included a second log lean to and a back check around it. Trail then followed the trail south along the river on paths to the beer stop almost right where we started trail. A spot surrounded by logs for their fat butts and the beer flowed. Magnetic Muff has some cookies and circle commenced. And One Fuck Chuck and SnatchSquatch got more down downs then the damn hare. We finally ended with Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The traditional Hash Hymn.
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Sun, May 16, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid an A to B trail from empirical Brewery for 17 hounds that eventually ended in Winnemac Park. We headed east and then north on Ravenswood. I managed to see some of these marks on my way walking to the bar. So I was near the front of the pack as we got to a Check at Balmoral. Everyone was leaning to the trail going east and/or north. It went west, under the tracks and south a bock to Summerdale. I paralleled the pack on Balmoral and at Hoyne the trail went north across Balmoral to this angle street, Bowmanvlle and again right back to Balmoral. So having really never left Balmoral and just paralleling I'm near the front of the pack. There was a Check here and I was about 2nd or 3rd here as we went though some alleys and came out on Berwyn to Western. Across Western, trail still went west. Here local knowledge killed me or made the trail for me. Depending on how you look at it. I saw the pack going south on the first street after Western. I thought this was sort of a dead end or loop and so I went south on Western. And somehow I was on the damn Turkey Trail without even seeing a T and E Split. Two block later and I'm where the T and E come back together at Foster. I thought the pack would soon be coming my way so I ran on. Actually the pack went way past the freaking river. WTF. But meanwhile trail went south a block to a Split. I guessed wrong. Then east a block and a half to another Split and I guessed wrong. A half block later I headed south and pick up on trail. This led to Winnemac Park and right in to the finish. A lousy 2.3 miles. So I went to help the hares empty the shag wagen and just after I returned Chicken Stifer and SnatchSquatch came on in  from two different directions. So there we had three know short cutters. After about 3 or 4 more miles the rest of the pack started to come on in with Lower Wackoff finishing up the pack. Back Door Bizzle led a good circle, especially for the snitches. I sold some shirts and was able to give some beer money to the hare. All was good and then the few Harriets we had, left and it was just Just Do Me Slowly and another sausage fest. Harriets, the pandemic is over. Come on out. We are the Hash House Harriers, not the Rainbow Harriers.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 6, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail from Horner Park, for 15 trail hounds. I was running lame so this is from behind. Not like normal. Really way behind. I lasted two blocks and it was walking the rest of the way. Deep thigh contusion. The trail did a big loop heading east over the bridge on Montrose and then south and even a block or two along the river and on south as close to the river as we could get with buildings and such. I actually saw something new just before we hit the fire pitch. Then trail went south of Addison to pickup on the bike/walk bridge over the river and work its way back. Here Just Do Me Slowly and I just did an Addison to Horner Park straight walk back and we ended up circling on the hill in the dark. We had one virgin, Just Dillin and two visitors Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys who made a return visit along with Fuck Children Get Cookie. Saving Myself announced the new forming of a Lafayette Indiana Hash. Used to be the home of the now defunct Hoosier Hash. I actually hashed their once.
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Sat, May 8, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. False Advertising and Zone 2 will lay a woods trail from the Chicago Portage National Historic Site at 4811 S. Harlem.  A first for me. And it would take about 2 hours by public transit. Hell, Pony Pounder could run there in that time. Almost. And he tried and got to the start after the pack left. A half marathon. But just as I was making my transit plans Garmin called and offered a ride. Should take a half hour. We left at 1:30 and didn't get there until 2:45. Holy Schitte, traffic sucked. But trail was good, sort of and a nice mix. We had 13 hounds. I fell behind right away while False Advertising warned me about having to climb over schitte. Hey, I hare the Bushman. I can handle it. Now it was catchup and a big sweep clockwise in the area and finally catching the pack just after the tracks. We ran a gravel path until the trail headed into the woods. I was about tenth heading into the woods and over logs and such and deer paths and almost crawling. The FRBs were long gone. It was me and Magnetic Muff and Back Door Bizzle and Lower Wackoff. We finally came out of the woods and park area and I could see Stuffin Muffin way off in the distance. We looped a quarry and I'm falling back and suddenly Stuffin Muffin was passing me. WTF. We crossed the river for a second time and headed south on sidewalk to a Check. Here I ran into Garmin and Sharti B contemplating going west and or south. There were a lot of hounds to the west, but not on. But woods that way and so I headed that way and suddenly they are yelling on. Across a park area and into woods and I'm DFL as far as I know. When I came out of here at a road, I recognized the area and followed trail across the road. Then it disappeared. I circled around and finally saw a mark on a tree and I was off into the woods. Just before I got out of those woods, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. WTF. How did I get ahead of you. He said Crotch Fire was also behind and when he blew his whistle he didn't follow. So we ran on through the cruizing zone across one more road and those damn tracks again. We finally found trail on the other side and it led to a huge tree that had fallen over a fence. We climbed over and it was back in the Portage Zone and a nice run on paths on in to the finish. And even with my sore leg, I wasn't DFL. We held a nice circle and eventually just hung around in the cold wind for a half hour or an hour just enjoying that damn nor'easter. Others on trail were Lifa, Cockholm Syndrome, Castration Sensation, Steps In Shit, and Hooch B4 Cooch.
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Sun, May 9, 2021, Chicago Hash. Puff The Magic Tampon and Bottom Wrangler laid trail from the parking lot at 4600 N. Lake Shore Drive. It was still cold with that lake wind, but the sun was warm. We had 13 hounds and took off south east. Heading for the nature preserve. Nope. Trail headed south west around the hill and then south along the hopefully forever Lake Shore Drive. Would trail go around the golf course and into that strong nor'easter along the lake front. No. South to Irving Park and inland. Under the bridge and a check. Running slow the pack was long gone. It was marked north and then east to Sheridan and another Check. Marked good so far and swept good. Lifa had marked the trail with a ? heading north. I headed north all the way to Montrose and nothing. Heading west I picked up on the trail and was off and running. But was I behind or in front. Trail kept going north and north and north and finally a Split. I guessed right, right, and was on to the park and then north to a check. Duh. The finish is straight east and boom I was On again. And this was On in. And nobody was there. 3.1 miles. About five minutes later SnatchSquatch came on in and a few minutes after that Lifa came in from the north. We missed the beer stop which was under the EL tracks near Buena. Eventually the pack returned and then a litter of house puppies. Lifa led the circle and all was good. Cupcakes and two types of cookies.  Puff The Magic Tampon was afraid we wouldn't like her after her trail so she baked chocolate chip cookies. Bribing the hounds. And they were so good I offered to marry her if she would bake a fresh batch every day. Damn. didn't work. No cookie or cookies for me. We had two new transplants from the Emerald Coast. Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow. And it was also Garmin's birthday on Mother's day. And Lower Wackoff had his string of hashes broken by doing a Mother's Day thing. He can start over on Tue. All was good and the sun was warm, and the wind was still to damn cold.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trailx
Wed Apr 28, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider and Meat Inside Her laid a really Shitty trail from Union Park. Rain was eminent, but never showed until we left. But only six hounds showed. Bimbos, where are you? This was definitely  a bimbo friendly trail. Really. Well marked, except when the marks were hidden in shadows, and nice safe streets, except when we ran through dark dingy alleys. And there were all of those bridges, river crossings, track crossings and expressway crossings. Trail headed north and east and in short order Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin ran away with the trail and from us. Lifa was somewhere in the middle and last seen at our first track crossing. Here I was able to short cut Lower Wackoff from a circle jerk and then I ended up following him most of the way. We crossed the Ogden bridge and I stopped to take off an extra shirt. Then I took after Lower Wackoff again and two blocks later I realized I left my hat back where I took off my shirt. Turning around, there was Castration Sensation following and I never saw him again. Retrieving my hat I returned to the chase and the trail finally headed south and west and I missed a few marks but finally came up to the tracks and there was Lower Wackoff coming back to a Split. We sort of ran in together, with me mostly following and we kept missing marks in shadows and finally made it On In. Horn-E, definitely DFL. But we had a short sweet circle with some of Dickens Cider's sweets to eat. No, not that. All was good and On home.
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Sun, May 2, 2021, Chicago Hash. Just Brad and Cockholm Syndrome set a trail from Humboldt Park, mini Cubs Park. Late again I took off after the pack of 13 other hounds and into city Streets. Why did we come to a park if all we were going to do was run city streets and alleys? A quick circle Jerk and then a Check. The only person in sight was Menage A Twat coming back from a False Trail. If we crossed the street we'd have been On. But instead it was a long block west and return. Then east and return. Finally  crossing that street and I'm on and Menage A Twat fell behind as I ran on. North to the 606 and then east. Running alleys and streets in a clockwise direction around the park. Finally about two blocks south of North and trail went East and entered the park and I managed to see Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzel working unmarked Splits together. I caught up just after a Check as they went in separate directions. We all struggled on this for a while before I returned to the direction Lower Wackoff originally took off on. And I had to run a real long way before finding the first arrow. And soon we were back On trail. We crossed Humboldt and through some actual real shiggy and a Split. I went right, right, but missed the next arrow. Upon returning I saw that hidden arrow and took a short cut across the grass to where I had just returned from. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle found the true trail, a circle jerk and at the same time I found the exit from the circle jerk. This led straight west and into city streets and the finish and they came in about 5 minutes later. Good circle and then we did a naming for the hare, Just Brad. Many shitty names were proposed and finally a shitty name was selected and forever  more he will be known as Sharti B. Watch out for who you like. We had two visitors, a returning Chip N Dale from Colorado and from Las Vegas, Just Michelle, who knew my old friend from LV, Hunka Hunka Burning Shit. Beautiful day in the 80s.  
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Tue, May 4, 2021, The 4X2 Hash. Son Of Spam and Back Door Bizzel hared from Belden and Oakley in the park. This is the latest migration of the Polish Constitution Day Hash, and the first one without its creator laying the trail, the 69 Cent Man. Without elaborating, he is on a first name bases with half the doctors and nurses at the VA over the last 3/4th of a year. And not done yet. But he did show up at the beer stop and joined us in circle. Looking good if not his old self. Welcome and good luck going forward. Always welcome in circle. As for trail, there were a dozen and we took off to the south. At Fullerton we had a Triple Split found to the south and I was able to call out for Meat Inside Her as we found trail. As we went down one side street I caught my toe on one of those gas pipes sticking out of the ground. Always high enough to trip you. It tripped me and bang, I was down. Banged my left thigh right where I keep my wallet. Main pain. As I type this I an still sitting with an ice pack on my thigh. No visible, but some internal bruising, like I had been hit with a mallet. So, from there, four blocks into trail, I tried to run in pain. I wanted to keep the blood flowing to reduce swelling and stiffening. Don't know if it helped, but I'll live to hash tomorrow. So I caught up to Castration Sensation and sort of followed him to the beer stop another two miles on. Meat Inside Her quickly caught us and passed us. Shortly after catching him I noticed my fingers were sticking together. Dried blood. It turns out the tip of my right hand fore finger is gashed which makes typing all of this a bitch. Anyway, somehow we were ahead of Lower Wackoff who never quits despite some wrong marks and such. At the beer stop, we met the 69 Cent Man. From there I short cut back but wanted too keep moving that leg to keep swelling down and no locking up. Finally made it in, DFL. Son Of Spam cooked up some great Polish Sausage and Lower Wackoff led the circle. And all was good. Now to get home and a night of ice packs. 
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On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail x
Thu Apr 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from 933 W. Wolfram on the roof deck for 12 trail hounds. Things went bad from the get go. We were soon heading south on Sheffield to a Back Check. But the numbers had us going past a Split. Hmmm. What do we do. We didn't do right but eventually found trail and by then the pack was racing on and there were three of us navigating from the rear. We got to a Check at Wrightwood and Sheffield and Back Door Bizzle saw the last of the front pack disappearing through the park. So we followed and came out to streets and a turn across the street into an alley. Only it wasn't. There was an arrow in the shadows behind a little fence that we missed. But we weren't alone. At the end of the alley we saw Mommys Coming coming back because of no marks. So we return and he is soon gone, and so was Back Door Bizzel. Lower Wackoo and myself head north and we were On. But a long way between marks. Do you need some drywall to supplement your chalk supply? We finally get to Lincoln and there is a hard left arrow. After no marks, hard left, we return to find out that it was a soft left and heading north on Lincoln. We're On again. At Diversey we find a Check. Marked north. So Lower Wackoff made the light and was soon off on the trail to the north. Meanwhile after two light changes I manage to get across the street and only found old marks from Sunday's hash. But not the new ones. So now I'm alone and I range looking for marks and finally just ranging. I got to Belmont and headed east and eventually found marks on the first street after the El. So the plan is to follow them backwards until I find the pack and then return with them. Not. Two blocks later I ran into Famming Flaggott and Just Do Me Slowly. They were walkers today and the hare talked them into going to Wrigley Field and make sure the marks didn't get wiped out. They didn't, but at this point, I just walked back to the beer stop with them. WTF. And Soul Taco beat us in on trail. Well done. Even if it was the Turkey trail. Back on the roof deck we got the fire pit going and some good hot dogs and a circle.
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Sun, Apr 25, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hobo Piss and Palmolive Those Dicks laid a trail from Winnemac Park. I counted 18 Trail Hounds and at least 6 House Puppies go for a walk with the hare. First there was the Salsa band and then circle and we were off. At at the first block was a Split and the pack headed east. But the trail didn't. So we finally get on track and head west and another Split. And someone marks west and we run west and, no marks. Trail went north and then through an alley. WTF. You people know who to run trail don't you. A few blocks later I again see the pack coming back towards me and another mis marked Split. At a Split, a hound goes in both directions. When trail is found, that hound turns back and yells On On for the crowd. Got it now folks. Now we are heading south and what turned out to be a loop around the trail we just ran. I was running near the rear and figured this out and managed to skip a few blocks of trail and get back with more of the front of the pack. And we headed west, across Damen and a little north loop and back south and I looked back and managed to flag Back Door Bizzel and he and a few others were able to short cut that. A few block more in alleys and we came to a little park and the beer stop. And soon the whole pack was there, including about 6 walkers/short cutters. We were finally sent off again, just as Lower Wackoff arrived. At our first Split again the pack just followed the front runner again. But we worked our way over to Lincoln and a Check. A bunch of us thought we were On to the south, but only two marks. We are at Foster and suddenly from the west we see Mommy's Coming and he is On. From here it was left and right and just when you think the trail was heading back to the expected finish, it went the other way again. We finally cross Western and we can smell the beer. Not. South to Lawerence and across. I'm with Back Door Bizzel and Stuffin Muffin along here. We come to a marked Split, but again, it didn't go to another arrow. But Back Door Bizzel yells on east and we follow, but ON what, I didn't know. Back at Lawrence there is a Check and I could see some of the pack coming back from the east where, again, apparently a whole bunch ran off on two marks. From here is was on in to the hares roof deck and circle. And it was a frigid roof deck on a windy day. The hares brought out blankets and the pack was huddling behind the wall trying to stay warm and all was good. Sort of.                              .
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Back Check 32
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When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar.
But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y).
I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals.
It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names.
After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve.
And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle.
At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start.
I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went East.
Just not finding them where I thought they should be.
But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks.
Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked.
So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest.
He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop.
Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation.
Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks.
Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check.
Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city.
The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light.
I then started a clockwise course.
Meanwhile I started to the east and north and into the park. I then started a clockwise course.
Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course.
The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north.
When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back.
So I decided to follow the trail backwards on a No No trail.
Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark.
Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old.
And I had a heavy back pack. Damn.
But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare.
As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds.
Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park.
Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
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I ran it backwards so I decided to write the Tale of the Trail backwards. Hope it came out okay. Here is the Tale of the Trail for those that were on time.
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Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park. As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds. But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare. And I had a heavy back pack. Damn. Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old. Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark so I decided to follow the trail backwards  on a No No trail. When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back. The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north. Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course. Meanwhile I started to the east and south and into the park. I then started a clockwise course. The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light. Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city. Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check. Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks. Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation. He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop. So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest. Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked. But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks. Just not finding them where I thought they should be. I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went east. At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start. And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle. After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve. It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names. I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals. But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y). And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar. When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail x
Wed, Apr 14, 2021, First Crack of the Moon Hash. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That laid an A to B trail from Humboldt Park to their apartment. Waaay north. Good trail for 11 hounds, to bad I screwed that up. What else is new. I got to the park on the wrong corner and finally found some trail and followed it backwards to the start, just after they took off. So I mostly just headed to the initial mark I saw with Stuffin Muffin. And the pack was soon there and I followed Magnetic Muff across the street and the pack was gathering. Down an alley and all of those damn FRBs were soon gone. But there was myself and Stuffin Muffin heading north when we missed a turn. I ran on straight and didn't see him again until the finish. Still no marks I ranged and found a mark and I was On. I yelled for Stuffin Muffin but he was out of sight. So I ran on, on this neighborhood street and the street turned and I get to a Check. I ran east and nothing. North, nothing. So I ran west and started ranging. Trail went north in an alley I didn't see. From then on I ranged while working my way north and leaning west while the trail was just to the east and paralleling me. I finally ranged over to Logan Square and did that loop before heading east on Logan Blve. And just before California I ran into Dickens Cider and the pack was in back on a deck over the garage. I had a good run. To bad no one saw it. A short time later Stuffin Muffin got in. A bit bloody. Apparently he tripped and did a header on trail. Dickens Cider did have some of her home made candies. Delicious. And we held circle and all was good. Welcome back Coma Toast. Now come back on out. 

Sat, Apr 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, annual flower hash.  Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz woods. The flowers were more like 50% of normal, but apparently the pack of 7 trail hounds liked the trail. Whatever happened to Shitty Hash. The trail went in a big loop from the parking lot around the edge of the woods and along the river and over to Central where it went over the foot bridge. There were some spotty nice sections of flowers along here. Trail crossed the river and went east and south, mostly along the river and to this little island along the tracks. Again, the flowers were fairly good along here. And that flower Child, Lower Wackoff ran into Thunder Deer along here. All right, explanation. She met me as I got off the bus and I invited her along to walk with the walkers. She asked him if he was with the runners following the trail. When he told her his name she ran of into the woods to never be seen again. Damn, she arrived late and to the wrong side of the river. My hippie dream date. Hey, when does an 80 year old fart have a forty year old hit on him. Yeah, sure. So, the pack ran on and at the railroad trestle I had a nice little short trip into flowers and an arrow across the river. Got Back Door Bizzle and Garmin on that one. Then they ran south west along the river, on and on. The flowers are usually thickest through here, but really sparse this year. Trail got all the way to Forest Glen Drive and a Check. Two long Falses here, one going straight and the other crossing the river and returning. And it worked. Garmin did both Falses and the whole damn pack caught up and Just Do Me Slowly finally spotted the return trail. Again, not any great sections of flowers, but now we just run some woods trails and a little off trail. Beer stop was on this little sort of Island in the bend of the river. I found one of the better sections of flowers and sort of a circle of logs to sit on and Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2 managed to just sit in the flowers for a bit. False advertising offered this old man his chair for a bit while he went to sit on a log, raised up about a foot. It was at least until he sat on it. But we were sitting in a nice circle in one of the most laid back circles I was ever in. Flowers in the middle and all around us. And just enough sun and lack of wind to be very comfortable. All was good and we drank on until Swing Low. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.
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Sun, Apr 18, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch, Dr. Cockvorkian and Gay Dancer laid a trail from Buena Park for an A to B trail. Yeah, A to B alright. Way over to Belmont and the river. I got there late and saw a mark on Montrose under the tracks. But I ran on to the start and they were gone and I would have to carry my back pack the whole way. Damn. So I returned to that mark on Montrose only to fine that the next mark was a Back Check 3. Duh, the start. Sure hope that won't become a future practice. Turns out that was an Eagle Trail. Anyway, I just did that section twice. Not a third time. So I ranged west on Montrose and on to a block past Clark. Now south and zig zag hoping to pick up on trail. And I finally did on Ashland. Apparently just after the shot stop. Fine I don't do those anyway. I ran on and the trail finally came to a Check at Addison and Lincoln and the pack was now all around me. I headed south on Lincoln with Just Steve, but we only had one mark. Heading west we could see the  FRBs heading south on Ravenswood. And there was Just Marissa running along. And there were more. I came to a T and E Split at Roscoe and took the T with that damn back pack on my back. I followed Just Steve to the next corner and a Triple split. Naturally I went wrong and south and the trail went west. By the time I got back to Roscoe there was Back Door Bizzle waiting for the light at Damen. We paralleled to a Check and I headed south only to find Steps In Shit returning. We ended up finding trail into an alley and I had about a fifty step lead before they passed me. A small group of back packers running along. At one point I am following them heading north and they cross the street in the middle of the block. So I did and found a return trail and now I was in front. This lasted to a Check at Western and Roscoe. I finally found this one heading west and soon passed by everyone and came on into the Beer stop by the river and almost the whole pack. Somehow I got in before Lower Wackoff and finally Mudsucker. As best as I could figure there were 27 trail hounds, but only 20 actually running. And out of no where we had Little Trojan Annie, not running, but re-inventing her stuff as a Religious Advisor with her usual great finish of the Day of the Week. False Advertising was being a thorn in her side, but she managed to keep him in Check and the Hares got many, many down downs, I called out those that hadn't hashed yet this year and we almost ran out of beer. Welcome back to the world of hashing. And finally, Little Trojan Annie sang the song Puff the Magic Tampon. At the final line, "He's been in your box all week." Just Marissa fell to her knees laughing so hard she couldn't get up. Eventually she was called out for those super giggles and immediately given a name. NO, not wiggles and giggles or pickles in her giggles or anything else she might have gotten. It was just done. Period. She will forever be known as Puff the Magic Tampon.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail x
Sat, Apr 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a spectacularly shitty and muddy and difficult trail at Fort Sheridan and through Openlands Forest Preserve in potentially rainy weather, although that didn't really happen. The weather that is. But the rest was true as 7 hounds took off on this adventure on areas I never saw before. Which means some definitely virgin trail. Would we get scratched, cut, bruised and wet. Not really, but one hound got pricked. (more on that later). After gathering under a bridge we finally got a circle and took off. Right back to the top of the bridge area, about 200 yards straight up, and a Check. Lower Wackoff found that and we headed south and then into the preserve along a concrete path. Concrete? WTF. But that wouldn't last long. Near the lake bluff area we ran into the first obstacle on the trail. "No Trespassing, Explosive Area, Possibly buried ordinance". Ooops. If you take a step and hear a click, DON'T MOVE until Horn-E gets safely away. A Check had us finally getting into some serious prairie and I ended way off trail wandering. Yes, again. But with a little hare assistance, I was back on trail for two marks and a Check. While I wandered around over a little hill and into the prairie, trail was found into a deep, steep ravine. I got about half way down when trail was coming right back up. But Cockholm Syndrume was seen leaping over rocks and back and forth over the raging steam from all of the previous rain. Back at the edge I followed Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 who was really in the zone. Was there beer ahead. Where their pricks ahead. Yes to both as she led us up a steep hill full of small skinny trees that were full of thorns. About a half inch long. Lower Wackoff would call that 'Little Boys Hill'. But little pricks or not, after the beer stop the Harrietts, Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 left the pack and returned to the start. I guess they just got to excited and had to go off and dream on their own. Meanwhile the big pricks, from the young to the old, ran on. We did get a Back Checkheading towards the bluffs and steep declines, that the Hare didn't mention. Garmin came back telling us it was a Back Check eleven D one. We did end up running through a housing area and towards another ravine. Hey, I finally found a mark. It was a steep decline into the abyss and the zombie hounds. Something about that bare skin, rotting carcass, and such, got False Advertising thinking up a new song about doing a dead hound and sucking. Well, experienced hashers know the song it came from and I'll leave that to your sick minds or nightmares. Here we encountered more raging waters as we then followed the stream up towards it's source. Must have been at least 300 yards of jumping back and forth over the waters trying to stay dry above our hips, or falling off of slippery rocks, and get washed away. But we finally survived with a final muddy climb out of the ravine. From here it was mostly just running along streets and roads as we skirted around Federal Property and back to the finish. At this point I thought I was DFL, but Lower Wackoff finally caught me. The hare did give me and Lower Wackoff a short cut past a gate and down a winding road into the ravine to where we started. Circle was held there, out of the slight rain but in a raging wind tunnel. A modified Big Dog Circle where we gave a few DDs and then designated the next R. A. And that is where we heard False Advertising whine about getting pricked in the thorny woods. After that. False Advertising had a pocket full of wooden nickels and headed to the Wooden Nickel. I know he likes girlie bars, but he dragged Zone 2 with him. Now most girlie bars include stuffing dollar bills into girls panties, but wooden nickels in the nickel slots is a new one.
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Sun, Apr 11, 2021, Chicago Hash. False Advertising and Just Davinia laid a  trail from Arrigo Park for 9 walkers. Okay, we also had 17 running hounds. We started out to the north end of the park only to return on a Back Check and head out to the south side of the park and then south to Taylor. And I'm behind already. We cross Taylor and head south on Loomis and all of a sudden the pack is returning on a Back Check. But they went way past where the Back Check was solved and meanwhile that had Hooch B4 Cooch and myself heading west in an alley looking for marks. Now I'm really far behind. But I return and follow the disappearing pack across Roosevelt and through some housing areas and south on Ogden and finally west on 14th street to Morgan and a quick beer stop by the tracks. I'm not drinking so I ask False Advertisiag for the on out. Like I can believe anyone named False Advertising. But I head out under the tracks to a Check. I picked right, left, and was soon on and back under the tracks to the north. On 15th Pl the trail went east to Halsted where the hares tried to f*ck with the pack. South towards the underpass and then climb down into the speedimg traffic, climb over a medium and back into traffic and climb out the other side and over or through the fence. Yeah. like I'm going to do that. I go north about fifty yards from 15th Pl. and cross at the light and I'm back on trail running through a housing area and climbing up about 87 steps, I lost count at my age. Now trail heads north to 14th place and I missed the turn mark so I'm south to 13th. Around the block and back and I'm on trail again. I keep looking but no pack in sight. I head east to a Split and naturally pick wrong. So further north and a back check and I'm at a check at Maxwell. Now I have three choices and still no pack in sight. So I go west and eventually I can't even find a second mark. So I return and Mommys Comming is coming towards me. Damn, the pack caught up. As we keep running back to the Check I see almost the whole pack run by and I'm alone in the rear. "The last shall be first and the first shall be last. And so it was written and so it shall be done". From here it was into the Campus and forty2 steps from hell before heading out of the campus and west on Polk following Ice Princess but never quite catching him, and on in to Arrigo Park and the circle. And so we gathered until the last walker, Menage A Twat came on in. Then Hooch B4 Cooch led us in a circle and the hares drank and drank and we were introduced to our virgins, Just Carter and Just Ricky who both did a proper Down Down.  We finally ended that part of circle and we were taking on the naming of our hare, Just Davinia. That was a large circle and it got quite rowdy and fun as great questions were asked and many suggestions for names were submitted. But it finally came down to Just Davinai getting away with not having the balls to run a Bushman Hash, her first Chicago Area hash, and getting away with it. So she will forever more be known as All Bush No Balls. After that we kept hanging around in the park on a sunny day and enjoying spring, and the Harriets were constantly heading off to some tree stump with a blanket to do what the men had to do in the open area behind one of the few trees. Isn't hashing in nature fun?

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The Tale of the Trail x
Sun, Apr 4, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park and had a large contingent of the fair weather hashers coming on out. Yeah, 26 hounds. Let's keep it up. Trail took off straight north on Western and to the other side of the street. And False Advertising and Horn-E showed how to hash the city streets by crossing Western right away instead of getting caught at the light. Horn-E's last moment of glory on that trail. At the next corner was a Split and Horn-E went south and wrong. Trail went right and the pack took off after False Advertising and Horn-E took off after Zone 2. We caught up at the first Check and the trail was just found. East and to another Check by a bridge. As I got there, the pack was again just taking off over the bridge. This led to another Check that again seemed to be hidden and the pack was going everywhere south, but in no seeming order. Then they were coming back. So, as I headed west, checking. Lower Wackoff yelled On and we headed down an alley and over to Horner Park for another Check. Again, the pack was scattered into the park but there seemed to be no order. Hounds running over the hill before an On call. Whatever. So I ranged west of the park and one block south of Montrose, BIG MISTAKE. The trail was finally found west on Montrose and then north. Never saw a hound again. Hey, Horn-E, Horner Park, what the hell. Well I ranged back to the park and eventually way south of Addison looking for marks. Never try to out guess the hare. He caught me good this time. Like, what else is new. I'm ranging south and checking bridges back to the east and the trail went north and eventually over the bridge near Lawrence, or whatever. Meanwhile I finally headed north and still looking for possible trail ran through the river path just south of Montrose. My last gasp for any scent of a trail. I headed on in and got there about 5 minutes before the hare and the pack. Big circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. Three virgins, Just Taylor, Just Mike and Just Marissa. Welcome to hashing and come back soon.

Tue, Apr 6, 2021, 4X2H4, Lower Wackoff with an aide from Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Echkert Park and I'm thinking he wanted to do what we (read that as Horn-E) screwed up six months ago. But Lower Wackoff is a sneaky bastard and I think this was sort of a reverse of that trail with the massive Check that I screwed up last time. We screwed up the first Check but finally got on trail heading west and north a bit. I passed Menage A Twat. How did she get ahead of me? I was now running with Zone 2 and we crossed Ashland and a Check. It was found as we got there and I was now working my way south to Chicago, And Garmin had to pass me again. Wrong way, all day, and catching up all the time. At the next Check I headed west and heard False Advertising call On at Ashland. Right behind him, and soon lost him, and now I'm leading Castration Sensation. And now I'm following Castration Sensation. And somehow I'm suddenly following Berts Special Friend and Soul Taco. Like this all trail. There they are and now they aren't. But we worked our way east and south to Grand and now I'm alone and to a Check at Twisted Spoke. I went south and into an alley with Ice Princess suddenly following and nothing. We go to Grand and Soul Taco runs by. No one is On. So we make a wild guess that the trail has to get to the bridge over the Expressway on Ogden. So we run that way and nothing. I keep going and never saw Soul Taco and Ice Princess again. But I had no marks going over the bridge and so I cross the street and there is Bert Special Friend heading north on Ogden and we are soon on.  We cross the bridge and Ogden again and I miss a turn and head down the alley. Nope, dope. Stay on trail. So back on Ogden I find marks heading north to Milwaukee and across the street. But I saw nothing on the other side. Somewhere there was an arrow pointing to the Island between three streets and a Check. But I find an arrow heading west on Chicago and head two blocks. Nope, dope. And suddenly Lifa is coming up behind me. Where did he come from. Like this the whole trail. So I cross Chicago and find an arrow pointing north. So, we had to be at a Check. On? Nope dope. Cross Ogden as I'm working my way counter clockwise around this six way intersection. More marks? Yep. On? Nope, dope. The I find a mark pointing into a subway station and cross Chicago Ave to check out the exit. Nope, dope. But I still head west. Hey, ON IN is west. Two marks and halfway over the bridge, but nope, dope, no third mark. So Now I head north on little side streets. I'm trying to remember that last trail in reverse and looking for marks. Nope dope. Keep ranging. I finally come to a Split and it is marked west. I'm finally on the back trail. Across the foot path over the expressway and west on Augusta and a turn south and a BN. I run on in and there is the pack sitting around. Lifa eventually started circle. We have schedules. And finally Castration Sensation ran on in. And then a few minutes later, Stuffin Muffin finished off the full pack. They don't quit. Beautiful night for hashing.
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On On
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail  x
Fri. Mar 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa and Just Steve laying his virgin trail from Hamlin Park. Don't worry J. Steve we can retrain you later.  We started out to the east. Forget that. We quickly came to a Back Check a block north on Belmont and a block east of Damen. We struggled on this and finally found trail going west and to a Check at Damen. I ended up on trail right behind Meat Inside Her and soon passed by Berts Special Friend. A few alleys later we hit another Check and they were already gone. I went south and ooops. wrong way. So I ranged west and then a block north. Trail didn't go that way so I returned two short blocks east to the Check and it was marked going north. Damn. Probably the whole pack. A few blocks and a damn loop and I get to another Check at Western and Roscoe. Not marked and no one in sight. Playing local knowledge, I assumed I was way behind the whole pack and so I ranged south on Western. Belmont, and still not an arrow in sight. Hell, I didn't even see any Indians. So I made another calculated decision, based on the river and such and went another block south and there was Meat Inside Her coming my way on  Check. I'm back with the FRBs. WTF. Who cares. At the Check  I head south over the bridge and ON one, ON two, On three. I actually found trail and Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her followed me. At the other end of the bridge we run into Magnetic Muff. Damn, she found the trail. There goes my glory for the day. We headed into this section of twon houses and I fell behind. Tehn at a Split the back of the pack got ahead of me and I'm DFL again. We come out on Diversey and I ended up following Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation through a housing complex and varous streets and alleys, never quite catching up. Finally the beer stop at Belmont and Damen in a little kids park. And Just Steve's father owns Dry Hop Brewery and we had several large cans to share and sample. I even had to try that stuff. Good shit.  Then back to Hamlin Park and a circle until the cops arrived. They circle by us and turn around. Then back again. Someone reported a gang in the park, the CFMH3 gang of pretty bimbos, lame hashers and an old man.                                .
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Sun, Mar 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Choke N Stroke hared from Roosevelt Park. Cold and windy. I got there with Bottom Wrangler and only J. Davinia was there with Ice Princess. The other hare laid and booked. I guess she wasn't proud of her trail. We'll get to that. Suddenly we had 17 hounds ready to go including three walkers, Just Do Me Slowly, Menage A Twat and Famming Flaggott. But we were running. And we headed off to the east and then south through the tunnel under Roosevelt. From here the trail would back and forth until we went through a little park. Local knowledge and I headed straight for the park. And at the end of the park was a Triple Split. I went west and naturally the trail went east. So I'm last as we head south on State to 16th and then west. And suddenly the pack is coming back towards me. Whatever happened, we head south Wabash and pass a split and it is marked straight. But it wasn't. Going straight got us to 18th where there was an east bound arrow. And then another and the pack was off, going no where. At that last Split, the trail went right and under tracks and to a Check on 18th. Those other marks were just marks on a False trail. Is Ice Princess getting tricky? Whatever, trail goes south on State to Cermak and after a little loop to a Triple Split at Cermak and Wabash. Now the pack regrouped and died. Really. The marks were south and east or west. But Cermak is  Southwest to northeast. Ooops. But we scattered and Just Sam, Just Frank, Glory Hole, etc. We're all over the place. Even, Horn-E. Nothing. One block in every direction and options. Finally we are redoing everything and someone found a Check at Wentworth and Cermak and across the street. Ice Princess showed how chivalrous he was and blamed Choke N Stroke for that one. So Cockholm  Syndrome headed north on Wentworth on the east side and I paralleled on the west side. He never stopped so I assumed he was on and followed to a Triple Split at 18th St. He went north and I checked east. Nothing. We returned to the Split. Trail went over the bridge to Canal and then north at a Check. I was now with Zone 2 and Castration Sensation as we arrived at a Split at 14th. Trail went west and then north. I assumed, (Never assume a hare, their jobs is to screw over your assumptions) he would go north to Roosevelt and then towards the finish. So I headed north and at Roosevelt I ran into J. Spencer and Zone 2. We told him where the finish was and J. Spencer ran on. Zone 2 and Horn-E plugged along east on Roosevelt with no marks anywhere. We came to State and then on in through the back door. Meanwhile trail went further north to Harrison and then over to where they could head south and east to Polk and On In. After we all got in False Advertising R A'd since no mismanagement from CH3 was there. And they got the FRBs and finally the DFL. That would be you, Pony Pounder. And not Horn-E. Where did you get lost? After circle we headed over to Kaseys and had a beer and then the pack moved on for more. Others on trail, J. Steve, J Garmin, Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail 
Mon. Mar 15, 2021, The First Crack Of The Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Peterson Park. Slight fresh snow on the ground, maybe an inch, but great running and a great pack of experienced hounds. We took off after a brief chalk talk and entered into some woods. By the time I ventured out of the first section of woods, I was alone with just Menage A Twat. And all those young hounds were gone. Never to be seen again. WTF. We ran on and at the NE section of the park we headed east on Peterson and eventually to a Check. It wasn't marked so I ran north. Nothing. Meanwhile Menage A Twat headed south and was on. We headed south and into Northeastern campus where the local cop was giveing me the once over and following me around the parking lot. I finally returned to a Check and again, Menage A Twat was ahead of me heading east on Foster. aAnd so the trail went, me passing her and then missing a turn while she just walked along and came to the tuurn I missed and headed off. And Lower Wackoff just walked along watching me go one wrong way after another. Damn hare. We finally ended up by a park and Menage A Twat decided she walked enough and headed for a bus. So, with no FRBs in sight, it was decided it was getting late and we needed to head for the Beer Stop, a great little wooned spot. And still no FRBs. Where they stuck on the Eagle Trail???? No. They weren't on trail, or the beer stop. They chickened out with a whole 1 inch of snow  and didn't show up. Just two old timers braved the weather on what turned out to be a beautiful night and a damn good trail. We were doing better in a hell of a lot worse weather all winter, even with unofficial hashes. The Usual Suspects. Disappointing for a hare after many said they were coming.
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Sat. Mar  20, 2021, 2:00PM, The Bushman Hash Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. We had nine hounds on a beautiful day. At the finish, aftter well over 90 minutes, Lower Wackoff came in and told me it was one of the best Bushman trails he ever did. Either he was lying, probable, or it really was, doubtful, or all of the other Bushman trails he ran were that bad, probable. This was definitely a day were things did go wrong. What else is new. After sending the pack off, I headed over to the beer stop with the beer that Back Door Bizzle brought for me. It seemed like I no sooner got settled in and was waiting when Cockholm Syndrum can running on it. WTF. Well, he was the fastest runner that day, but 45 minutes. What went wrong. Well, he started out great running donw the first hill and couldn't stop and right into the water. Good. Later on trail, after crossing Cicero, we was on trail as it headed east along the river and missed the beer stop. Then he headed south into the woods and picked up on trail and missed a back Check and ran into marks for a False from a Check from the other direction. Damn, he is on a roll. But he found that and had no trouble with the rest of the trail and was ON IN. The rest of the pack eventually came along and found the Back Check and the next Check and so on as trail headed between the river and the wet lands. Around here, the two walkers eventually arrived and missed the wet lands and eventually got on trail and managed to come on in with Zone 2 streaking in to become FBI. That group included Just Do Me Slowly and get this, Construction Junction, dressed like she was going shopping on Michigan avenue instead of a run through the woods. What ever happened to the original Bushman Hash? The rest were still out there. Trail had attempted to go around the wet lands clockwise, but in laying trail I found myself surrounded by water. I finally found a way across the water, No I didn't walk on water, and had to go back and correct some marks. But some nice running after that and through a small section of woods almost never run in the past. We did hold a nice circle between two sloughs, as picturesque as I could find that day. And eventually we ended circle and headed out for the night.
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Sun, Mar 21, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder hared from Winnemac Park on what turned out to be an A to B hash as announced after the hash. Hobo Piss's roof deck. Nice site. Over 30 hounds on trail with a whole lot of walkers. I saw a Check drawn on the corner of Foster and Damen on my way to the start. Good clue? Not. The trail headed out of the park and into city streats at the South East edge. They then ran north in an alley and the next streat east, and to the north. I short cut to that Check being slow and the sneaky bastard that I am. Only the trail never came there. At least the pack didn't. WTF. So I ran for where the last of the pack was last seen and I saw Lower Wackoff heading north and then east. So, whatever, I follow and except for the walkers, I was DFL. Through the usual tunnel and back south on Ravenswood only to see Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation back tracking to a Split at Foster. Apparently someone in the early pack knew of marks two blocks south and just ran straight there with most of the pack following. By the time Castration Sensation got there, they were out of sight and he didn't see any marks. They were on the opposite corner coming from the west and not the north. Ooops. So the three of us struggled a bit and found the true trail. We somehow lost Lower Wackoff here. Trail ran east and south and crossed Lawrence and there we came upon more walkers. Heading south we found the first of three Turkey Eagle Splits. Castration Sensation went Eagle and I went Turkey and was joined by a visitor from Houston, (Now I know I'll get this wrong) My Cunt Is For Me. Sing it. Anyhow we ran on together through two more Turkey trails and eventually ON In and most of the pack was there already. Shortly after I got in, the change of location was announced and we were off. And we all somehow made the change. False Advertising and Hooch B4 Cooch ran the circle and all was good in the sun.
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Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail 
Thu, Mar 11, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps In Shit laid trail from the underpass on Laflin at 16th. We had 9 Trail Hounds and quickly took off under the underpass. This led to a big field and some rough remnants of old streets. So, in the dark I fell behind, but was able to barely catch a glance of the pack on a broad loop and eventually to the east. Damn. I'm behind and they are out of sight already. But On, I headed east and as I was over heating I started to disrobe. No, not that far. Just a few sweat shirts. And that is about when Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft passed me. When finished I followed them, just glad to not be alone. But they left me behind until a Split. I caught them and we sort of ran together until a block east of Halsted. There they started to leave me behind as they headed south, under the tracks and further east. I followed and occasionally things were marked and when they weren't, I guessed right. Finally a loop to the south and back west and over towards 18th St and Halsted. Trail sort of just ran west with a short loop to the south on streets and north into some alleys. But I still couldn't catch them. What else is new. I finally hit an unmarked Split, south and west. Knowing where the hare lived, I chose west and was wrong. But there was the hare's street, I headed to the alley and ON IN. And Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation weren't there yet. Apparently they took south on the last Split and I slipped ahead. About five minutes later Lower Wackoff came in. The rest of the pack was already there, including Mommy's Coming, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa and Cockholm Syndrome. We circled on the back porch and headed home. Got A ride from Mommys Coming to the north side and dropped off 2 minutes before my bus arrived. Thanks.
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Sat. Mar 13, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Son Of Spam and his best friend, Berts Special Friend hared from the Zoo Woods in Brookfield. While waiting for the pack I started to do some exercise therapy on my surgically repaired right hand and I think I ruptured the tendon again. Damn. Well nothing to do but run. No pain. We had a nice pack and a damn beautiful day for hashing. We headed out to the east and then north along the river following the MBM, Double Meter Beater and came to a Check at 31st and 1st. I think it was meat Nside Her that found trail to the east and over the river while the rest of the pack was scattered eeverywhere north and west. Trail crossed the bridge and headed north on a residential street. And the hares had a Check here, but almst no one saw that. Two marks north and there was a four way Split. Since we didn't realize we missed a Check we searched wide to the west, south and east and points in between and fonud nothing. BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS those ways. Someone who knew we were off of a Check went back and ran east on city streets. Meanwhile I was running east off of the fourway for two blocks. They found traill and all took off and meanwhile, not knowing about the Check, I knew that the trail had to go north so I went north, several blocks back and then looped through the woods to the river and back south. Not a trace of a mark. BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS. I finally got back there and started to work that four way again. What a freaking' waste. I finally gave up and headed backwards on trail, right past that damn Check I never saw and still didn't see. I circled the wooded section were we started, looking for some marks coming in and finally saw Meat Inside Her and followed her and saw a mark pointing into the trail along the river and the ON IN. Some were there already and more followed. And we circled and went home. I had to drive Son Of Spam home, due to what in some circles is known as over consumption. But all was good and the hares and Meat Inside Her and I shared three pizzas while watching movies of hashers on trail. NOw, that damn check. I have often encountered something like that on trail and decided to go back thinking we might have missed a Check. Why I didn't this time, I don't know. I have also deliberately se traps like that in the past that worked beautifully, to nab the FRB that won't stay exactly on trail and thinks he can range from in front and out smart the hare. Why I missed that I can only attribute to, no, not old age. I'm not that damn old. But meanwhile most of the pack had a good trail that I missed. Others on trail were Lower Wackoff, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, False Advertising, Back Door Bizzle, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Crotch Fire                      . 
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Sun, Mar 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. Garmin hared from Thorndale and Sheridan in the little park. We had 17 trail hounds including Just Do Me Slowly and Menage A Twat who did a good hours walk of the trail. The FRBs were Mommys Coming and Cockhholm Syndrome on the Eagle Course. On the Turkey course it was everybody but me, Horn-E. That included Two virgins, Just Christin and Just Anita, Just Frank and Just Sam, Just Davina and Hooch B4 Cooch. And they could run good, not like this old fart. I did follow that pack sort of and ran along Sheridan a block after they turned in. Now, there I got a good blast of the Nor'easter blowing off of the lake. It was like I was standing still running into that wind. It definitely wasn't running. I headed into the campus and what I could see of the pack was scattered about. I headed east and found marks right away and several of the other Turkeys followed and finally got on. We exited the campus by the El and saw where the Eagle pack would eventually join us. It was a simple trail from there, with a Back Check I caught. Trail worked its way south and past Senn High School and pretty much on in from there. It was a couple of more minutes before the Eagles started to arrive. Lower Wackoff told me he dropped out and found the On back trail, And finally the DFL was Castration Sensation arriving during circle. Well done.
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Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Sat, Feb 27, 2021, Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Jenson Park on what turned into an A to B trail for 11 hounds. We took of to the north and at the first alley was a Check I went east following J Brad and we found nothing. So we headed north to Lawrence and there was a mark and Cockholm Syndrum was coming our way. And we were on. Lifa was just behind us. We headed into various check s and splits and finally over a  foot bridge. I was falling back, butLower Wackoff was with me for a brief moment and eventually J Davinia and J Brad ran by me and we were soon over  more bridges and they left me behind as we headed into a University Campus north of Foster. Never saw anyone again. There was a T and E Split and I figured they were far enough ahead that i better thake the Turkey Trail. Not to much of a struggle and I finally came to a point where my trail merged with the Eagle trail. A few blocks later there was a marked Split and the mark sholed going East. the finish was to the west and I kept ehading there hoping to get back in time to join the eagles. Not. They were are the beer stop which was the home of the hares. Damn. But Berts Special Friend came ang about them, returning for his car. So I got a ride to B. and shortly later the walkers, Just do Me Slowly, Construction Function and Menage A Twat arrived. Meat Inside Her was also there and that was our pack. So we held circle and went home.
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Sun, Feb 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Famming Flaggott and Its Too Soft hared the return to hashing of the Chicago Hash from the hares roof deck. Small start for a restart. Not even the GM showed up to run. Actually just the usual suspects and two virgins, Just Bennett and Just Steve. We started to the north and the usual 6 corner intersection at Clark and Halsted for a check. Double Meter Beater was off and running and did the entire intersection before we all got there. And the usual alley looked prime, and Horn-E was heading there with False Advertising when Double Meter Beater returned from there. Damn. He and I ended up going north on Halsted and nothing. We decided to try that alley again and he did the alley and I went down Clark and bang, bang, I was on two arrows when I saw Double Meter Beater and he ran right in front of me and found the third arrow. Trail went south on Clark and another Check at Diversey. Here I was heading east on Diversey when Just Davinia passed me and a block later she was on two and then three and I yelled On and we were off to the south. We soon ran into some more confusion heading towards the park. I was almost On and again double Meter Beater ran by me and found the trail. Damn. This led to another Check at Diversey and Sheridan. We ranged into the park and again I was almost on trail when Double Meter Beater ran by me and was on again. I keep missing finding the trail. Well, this led towards the lake and under the Outer Drive and south to Fullerton and then inland. I finally came up on Zone 2 and we struggled on marks. Little tennis ball marks walked off because of heavy foot traffic. Well, from here it was marks and missed marks and we finally got to the park at Wrightwood and Sheffield, a few minutes before they closed the beer stop. All were there accept Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle who showed up about five minutes after we did at the roof top. The fire pit was going and we eventually held circle and a few of us sat around and enjoyed the warm fire pit. Also on trail was Lifa.
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Tue, Mar 2, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash Cockholm Syndrome laid trail from under the tracks on Hubbard, just east of Des Plaines. We struggled at the start and finally got going heading west and eventually south into the west loop area. The usual FRBs were soon gone and I was back struggling along. At one point we crossed Randolph and I was with Lifa. He went south and was on, but I lost him. It then became Horn-E, Lower Wackoff, Its Too Soft, Back Door Bizzle, and Castration Sensation. And I was soon falling back, We were finally heading east on I believe Monroe. The trail went through some parking lots and I was loosing sight of them. So I kept running east to Canal and there was an arrow heading north, Ooops. I'll take it and from there it was pretty much on in hitting the BN. I sort of went the wrong way, but only a block off and hit the beer stop coming in the wrong way. Within five minutes the pack was whole and we held circle. Others on trail were False Advertising, J. Steve, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend.
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Sun, Mar 7, 2021, Chicago Hash. I'm Fuckin' Nuts and Complimentary Nuts and Just Stacie laid trail from the Bohemian Cemetary and this is nuts. A pack of 31 haunds showed up. WTF. We headed off south on Clark and right into the south entrance of the cemetery heading east. Well, Local Knowledge works. I know there is no exit that way and I head to the north central exit and Lifa follows. And yep, there is a mark. We ran on and about two blocks later Double Meter Beater passed Horn-E and left that old fart in his dust. It was about two blocks later when the pack started to catch up and I was passed by two of the virgins. Just Sam and Just Frank. Actually a short time later Skull n Boner passed with her dog pulling her along and another virgin Just Eric. There was actually another virgin on trail J Rhainne running with Just James. All right, I mentioned the virgins. Actually met them at the circle after. Back to trail. We got to a Check at Broadway and I followed someone to the east and we were soon joined by the pack and On trail. We did get a back Check and I was back near the front on a group. but that never lasts. The trail headed towards the park and out to the lake front at Foster. I short cut here along the tennis courts and sure enough I see the pack coming out of a tunnel and I am back with the pack. Ran along briefly with J Steve, another new comer. 3rd run I think. But he was moving good and I wasn't. We headed out to Sheridan and I watched as a few hounds disappeared to the north and I followed Pony Pounder. Horn-E catching Pony Pounder. Something not right here. Yeah, he pulled something. No, not that. So we ended up walking on in. We got to Clark and Ashland and a Check and while we were checking it out, Gay Dancer showed up, also checking it out. So they cheat and looked it up on facebook and it was a few blocks straight west at the entrance of another cemetery on Ravenswood, And there we circled up. Beer was served and Hooch B4 Cooch held a short circle. Then the pack slowly headed out and fortunately I was only about four blocks from home.                                      On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Feb 24, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash was set by Cockholm Syndrone and Construction Junction from the parking lot at 201 E. Illinois. And we had a nice crowd all set to run, with 13 trail hounds including four first timers for this year. And a lot longer. Welcome back. We took off to the west and a quick Check and Dickens Cider (welcome back) was right on trail to the north and then took a wrong way on a Split. That left Horn-E and Ice Princess leading to the west and I was quickly passed by a pack. Another Split at Wacker and I went the wrong way. Damn. So now I'm following people disappearing in the distance. The hares were using the upper and lower levels to the max, the bastards, and it was up and down and at the next Check I almost caught the pack heading east towards Michigan on the upper level. We all missed a turn and crossed Michigan and ran in circles before returning and heading down steps to Lower Wacker. Lower Wackoff was somewhere around here, but I don't know where. And the pack was gone before I got there. The Splits were marked well, but all to often we couldn't find a mark as they tried to find dry spots and not necessarily the best spots to make marks. But they were there. So I ran on and west to Dearborn and then back along the hi rises along the river heading east. Up and down and and finally under the Wrigley Building archway. From here it was over the river and east along the southern edge of the river, on two different levels. At Columbus we crossed the river to the south and at the first intersection I lost trail. Yeah, again. Alone and figuring the pack is way gone and I was two short blocks to the finish, I opted out and headed On IN. And just as I got to the finish, Mommy's Coming beat me in. And the pack was soon following him on in, finishing up with Its Too Soft as DFL. We got into some Whiskey and started circle and mid circle Lower Wackoff came troting on in. He never gives up. So now we had two DFLs and we sang again. And just when Circle finished, Stuffin Muffin came troting on in. He missed the start and did the whole trail, And now we had treee DFLS and sang again. The lyrics are so plesent and colorful and easy to learn. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Riot Me This Riot Me That, welcome back you three. Soul Taco, Hooch B4 Cooch, and Lifax
More tales to follow next week. Want to get this out quickly.
The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Feb 20, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E and Lifa were the hares. I started laying this trail at 10:30 going through an upper thigh level deep snow bank and joined by Lifa at 11:00 and we finished at 2:30. One of the hardest trail I ever laid with most of it in at least 12 to 16 inches deep snow, with a few paths thrown in where you could actually run. Here is the Tale of the Trail by Lower Wackoff.


This Bushman trail was laid by HornE and Lifa on a sunny winter day in HornE Woods.  The Grand Bushman promised the trail of a lifetime, a trail not to be missed, a trail to be never forgotten, etc.  Following a week of massive snowfall, I was expecting the worst and was not disappointed.

The starting pack was False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff, plus a walker, Just Do Me Slowly and a skier, Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  HornE and Lifa showed up at the bus shelter looking like they returned from an Arctic expedition.  The hares appeared just in time to give us a less than adequate chalk talk.  We were informed that they spent 4 hours laying trail and would not be coming behind us to sweep.  In other words, we were on our own and took off on trail heading north.  

Deep snow lay ahead of us as far as the eye could see. Immediately we were hiking in two feet of snow. Cockholm Syndrome actually tried to run on this trail that was not made for running and he took the lead. Trail turned west and then south right away to take us through the tunnel under Irving Park Road. That was one short stretch or trail were we weren't walking in deep snow, but ice skates might have helped. Emerging from the tunnel we found a split that took us diagonally across a big field for a long hike in deep snow on our way into the woods.  In some places the snow was knee-deep for me.  I fell on my ass once and took over two minutes to get up on my feet.

Once we were in the woods, the snow was not as deep and we could actually run on the usual forest preserve hiking paths. But the hares weren't going to keep the trail so easy for long. I fell behind the pack after making a wrong move on a split i the woods. Tried to catch up and found the true trail that went south along the river. At a turn I found deer eating up the orange flour in the snow. That might explain some missing marks. The trail went east through a hole in the fence on to a golf course. The snow was deep again and I could see a few hashers far ahead of me. I found a check in the snow on a small hill and thought I was on true trail with marks heading north through another hole in the fence. I fell for the sucker marks. Right away I ran into a big F. I returned to the golf course and along came our skier Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  She said the pack was on the south side of a big hill.  I took a shortcut to the north of the hill to rejoin the hounds.  

What I learned later in the circle was that true trail took the pack south of a big hill through a frozen reed marsh.  Somewhere lost in the reeds Magnetic Muff was heard crying out "I've fallen and can't get up!".  Stuffin Muffin was already out on higher ground and he wasn't coming back to the rescue.  False Advertising saw a dead deer frozen there in the marsh and took a picture.  That pic will surely be a great addition to the Bushman Dead Animal Gallery.

When I rejoined the pack they were heading north through another hole in the fence back to the forest and we followed a path eastward to the B.  We had gone more than 4 miles on trail.  The hares said they tried to make a longer trail but ran out of time.  We got our Bushman circle started with down downs going to HornE and Lifa for haring such a shitty trail.  Cockholm Syndrome was the FRB.  Magnetic Muff was our DFL, but she was also our FBI since she was the only female runner.  I would have to say Magnetic Muff was luckier than that frozen deer.  False Advertising admitted he was a whiny bitch by not dressing right for the snow with no gloves and nothing waterproof on his feet.  We offered our sympathy and gave him a down down.  Then Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion came along to the circle to complete our pack. 

We ended our Bushman circle as the sun was setting and we left the woods to head north on Cumberland.  Once we returned to our cars, Lifa announced "Second Circle!".  We stood around just steps away from moving traffic and had one more beer.   

On On LW
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Sun, Feb 21,2021, Friends who run Chicago held a hash style run set by Pony Pounder from Empirical Brewing. I was actually planning on trying to run the dry sections of trail. On the way there I saw what might be consider some sort of Check Mark at Peterson and Ravenswood. Sometimes a mark like that can be a great advantage later in trail. I headed south and just before Foster I walked through the usual tunnel under the tracks and there was another Check in a similar color and mangled in the ragged snow. Hmmm!. So we finally gather outside of the brewery and get the chalk talk and different style of marks and multiple colors. And off we go, to the east and an immediate Check at Ravenswood. Now, remember that advantage seeing marks in advance can give you. Here is were I went completely wrong. Trail went straight north and through that tunnel to that Check. I knew that check was there, but I was thinking an on in mark. Nope Dope. By the time I got there, and this was just 2 blocks into trail, I saw Ice Princess and Lower Wackoff disappearing into the distant west. So I tired to use logic. The only way they could get to that first Check I saw was to go all the way to Western and north to Peterson and then east. So I headed straight to it. I was thinking that I could at least get there and run the last part of the trail as the FRBs would finally catch me. Not. At the first Check I looked around and suddenly saw a lot of spray painted marks on the snow, similar to the hash colors of the day, but they were obviously Construction marks for underground cables or pipe lines needed to know about for the upcoming major construction on that location. Never try to out guess the hare. I headed back to find the pack already gathering in the brewery. The trail went in a counter clockwise loop from that check by the tunnel. So, 13 hounds got a hash trail and the old fart got stuffed. Lesson: sometimes marks aren't and you can get screwed. I did. But the on after in the brewery went on and on for a few hours. Good time.  x
On On
Horn-E


Sa 2/13 2:00pm The Big Dog Hash set by Magnetic Muff and Muffin Stuffin from Hernandez Woods. They got a small pack ready to tackle the snow. Hey, they even got that old fart Horn-E out there and he did the course. Sort of. No excuses. Come on out. The pack consisted of Lifa who ran in front and did the eagle trail. False Advertising who ran in the middle and when the trail came near the start, he booked and then realized he couldn't leave because he had Horn-E's bag in his car. And then there was Lower Wackoff who did keep running and did the Turkey trail. Then there was the lame and short cutting bastards, Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. Trail went into the park and towards the railroad trestle. From here it headed west on the north side of the river to Cicero. Nice trail running through here. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E ran part of this and then up to streets. That old fart Horn-E was paranoid about his wrist still in a splint. At Cicero the sweep, Magnetic Muff gave us a short cut. Well, not really shorter but quicker by roads and safer for my wrist. The real trail went back into La Bagh Woods and followed the paths along the river and then came out of the woods by Target. Actually the lame got there first by road and only found one mark in the huge shopping center. And it was buried in fresh snow and barely able to make out the direction. A short time later we were on Elston and just past a railroad trestle when Lifa passed by overhead and kept going on the eagle trail. Then came Lower Wackoff and he opted to come on down to where we were. From here the trail went on to Lawrance and Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff headed that way and the lame brirgade headed north and the ON IN. We shortly gathered and held a quick Big Dog Circle and the hares were very nice in giving me a ride home. Damn lame old fart.


Sun, Feb 14, 2021 First Crack of the Moon Hash, and Luner New Year, at Chase park was set by Lifa. A rare day time Moon Hash due to weather conditions. Another small pack ventured out in the near zero weather for this hash. Lower Wackoff, Cockholm Syndrume, Just Davinia and Castration Sensation. There were two walkers, the usual lame brigade of Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. And we took off to the east and the two of us lame hounds were soon on our own. But it could have been worse. Just after we left, Stuffin Muffin showed up. And he didn't make the finish until about 30 minutes after we got back and started circle. Running alone on a non swept trail is a bitch. And that included a Soju Stop. So Well done Stuffin' Muffin. The trail was east to near Sheridan and that is where the lame brigade headed over to the Soju stop and got there just after the other hounds arrived. From there is was a short run back to the Beer Stop in the park behind a Field House. Circle was started by Horn-E in Moon Hash style and we were going round and round before Stuffin Muffin showed up. And within minutes, this old fart said, "Horn-E go bye bye." Just not tuned into that cold and with my splint I only had one set of gloves that fit and they weren't that warm.
The Tale of the Trailx
Su 1/24 we had a Friends Who Run Chicago Hash starting at the west end of the 606 Trail and set by Back Door Bizzel. A little over 5 miles in a big lop clockwise to the north and north west. Nice pack of 10 including Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Just Davinia, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin' Muffin, Crotch Fire, False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome and Garmin

We 1/27 Whiskey Wednesday Hash.from Twisted Spoke for the WWH3 Aniversary and hared by Lifa. It was a dark and dreary night and besides the Hare, only three hounds showed up, the usual suspects, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation and Garmin. I don't want to speculate on the FRB, but I'm sure there was a DFL.

Fr 1/29 Full Moon H3 was started at Forest Glen Forest Preserve shelter and was hared by Lower Wackoff. And congrats to a great writeup by Lower Wackoff.

This was the 24th annual winter moon hash.  For the first time in history, this hash was not at the Gladstone Lounge, but in Forest Glen woods.  The pack of runners was Lifa, Back Door Bizzle with $20 Buttstuff, Hooch Before Cooch, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.  Menage a Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were walkers.

I had to stop short from laying the complete trail because I ran out of time.  We did the chalk talk at the Forest Glen shelter.  I sent the runners off north on the bike trail.  The walkers went ahead to wait for us in Mariano's and we would pick them up along the trail.  I told the pack I would meet them at the halfway point to sweep and then went off on my own to finish the last 100 yards of trail.  Turned out to be a BIG mistake!

The first check was set in red flour on the snow right in front of the bike bridge over the tracks, but it was destroyed by some misguided civilian after I laid it.  Lifa figured there must have been a check there and the pack went off into the woods in all different directions.  Lifa ran across the bridge and missed a turn to the north which ran close to the river where a loopback was laid.  This part was almost a duplicate of what you set on trail for the November Bushman.  I thought I was being a clever hare, but the pack never came this way.  True trail would lead to a second check under the bike path bridge.  Lifa never saw this second check but was working a split he found on the street to the west of the woods.  That split  took him both ways in the wrong direction.  The rest of the pack was still scattered in the woods as far as I know.

Meanwhile, I was standing for 15 minutes on the third check on the tracks just north of the Forest Glen train stop, blowing my whistle and looking for any signs of hashers.  I then saw a flashlight from somebody coming back across the bridge and that was Lifa.  I headed north to meet them and miraculously the pack had regrouped and came out of the woods to run south on the tracks.  Trail from the third check went through a hole in the fence into the Mariano's parking lot where the walkers caught up with the pack.  From there it was a simple trail in the Forest Glen neighborhood and then back into the woods along the river to a beer stop.  

At the end, it seemed like the pack wasn't all that pissed at me for not being there while they spent a half hour working on the first check.  We came out from our beer stop in the woods to circle in the shelter.  I got a down down for a shitty trail  and more down downs after that.  We ended our outdoor hash circle with beer and pizza under a full moon.

Keep getting healthy so you can hash again!

On on, LW
Again, thanks for the write up

Su 1/31 was another Friends Who Run Chicago Hash and the annual Snow Hash set from Stab 'em & Slab 'em's house 6530 S. University with co hares Reverand Shut The Fuck Up and Lifa.  Hey, they had snow this year. and a damn lot of it and had to lay a live trail. 
Yeah, we definitely had the snow and it was quite a workout live-haring the 2.83 mile trail. Beer stop was at the school/park just up the street from Stab 'Ems. Back at the finish we had 2 fire pits on the patio with circle led by Mudsucker. Afterwards we roasted bratwurst on sticks over the roaring fire.

I may have forgotten someone but this is the attendance I remember:
Stab 'Em & Slab 'em, Reverend STFU, Lifa, CICO, Cockholm Syndrome, Pull Her Penis, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation. Back Door Bizzle.
Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, It's Too Soft, Mudsucker, Just Sarah (Mudsucker's friend), Just ? (Mudsucker's friend), Ménage à Twat
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Thanks for the support in getting me this information while I am laid up. Please help where and when you can and fill up our blank dates, please.

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jan 13, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Castration Sensation hared from 825 W Wolfram for 8 trail hounds. We took off down the alley to the west and then south. We were moving fast and I knew I would loose this pack. But we ran on and I caught them at Lincoln and Sheffield and a Check. I was right with Cockholm Syndroum as he found this and we ran through the park and headed south through alleys and a parking lot and on to Fullerton. West and into a quad area in De Paul Campus. I ended up going out the Southwest end with others and no marks. There was some controversy on how that Check was solved, but it went west on Fullerton and suddenly we crossed the street and into a gangway that went through about three small quads surrounded by apartments. Never saw this before. Somehow I ended up last coming out of there and at a Check I went down an alley and the pack was gone and suddenly there was trail. This went through a little park and I followed Its Too Soft here. Now we headed south and he disappeared. But at Fullerton there was Garmin coming back to mark a Check. Thanks. I followed and now we were in the beginning of a stretch of straights without to many decision points, Garmin was gone. I ran on and came to a Split. Looking back was Its Too Soft. I took straight and he followed. (?) A block later I was not on. But it was across the street and I was soon on again, but at a Triple split. I picked straight and Its Too soft followed.(?) NO marks after a block. So I decided on a loop to the north and back to the Split. Wrong. Trail went south from the Split. Damn And now I am finally back on trail and ended up going down an alley for several blocks and found a house with beautiful Christmas lights. While taking a pic or 2, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. So we ran on together, east until the El tracks. South a block and then over to OZ Park. Trail went through the park and north to a Check at Lincoln, Lower Wackoff had first pick and went left. Trail went north on Lincoln and I was soon On. Now I get to a 6 corner intersection. And another Check. I opt to go around clockwise and made a full loop and no marks. Damn. So I start again but this time going much further down the streets. S, no. And about here Lower Wackoff caught up again. Then W, no, NW, no, N, and finally I find a mark further down the block on Halsted and from here we were pretty much north and on in. 94 minutes, 5.9 miles. And everyone was sitting in the back yard around the warmth of the fire pit. I grabbed a seat and tried to stay low to avoid the swirling smoke and circle commenced. Good. Then a burger. Thanks. And finally I left with a ride from Garmin. Others on trail were Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Lifa. Home and I took off my vest and then a sweat shirt. Wow, the smoke smell. Laundry. But I could still smell that smoke. But my other shirts smelled fine. Then I got it. Damn beard. WOW. Double WOW. Long shower and several shampoos, even scented, before that was gone. A week later I finally put on that vest, after the hash, and not at home. Wow, it also smelled of smoke. Laundry. The fires are good, but stay low and avoid the smoke.
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Sat. Jan 16, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Gompers Park at Keeler and Foster. We had 12 hounds. Two walkers in Zone 2 and Just Do Me Slowly who walked parts of the trail. Six hounds really took off and left the last four to struggle on their own. I tried to sweep, but how do you sweep for three separate distinct groups. Slit Digger and Cockholm Syndrome blew away the pack and ran it like it was laid. I assume those that were sort of with them also did, Magnetic Muff, Just Lavinia a new transplant with Malaysian experience, False Advertising and Lifa. Trail went through Gompers Park and across Foster and along a rode at the edge of the river before heading into La Bagh Woods. And Slit Digger did what was planned with the False by the river, jumping off the wall and on through the dried out wet lands and a Check and another Check along the river where he and Cockholm Syndrome both caught the long False. Across the river and a nice run on trails around the swamp and then along the river back to Gompers Park. The middle pack of Mudsucker, Lower Wackoff, Muffin Stuffin and Crotch Fire struggle along and were dying in the dried out wet lands Check. But they got on and finally did that last loop and on in. Back at the finish someone had found my cache of beer and drank four before leaving the rest. but we had enough for circle and we held a nice Bushman Circle. Our transplant Just Lavinia really liked the singing. So all was good and we finally headed home. Good time.               6
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Sun. Jan 17, 2021 Friends Who Run Chicago. Garmin laid trail from Horner Park and for the second day in a row, we had 12 hounds. We covid hashers are doing just fine, numbers wise, and are forming a nice group of regulars. Trail headed south and then out of the park and to the west for a short loop and back into the park. From here we headed south and a Check at Irving Park and California. Trail had to go SE into a park and campus for a high school and sure enough, it did. I actually was right behind Slit Digger for a short stretch before the pack started passing me. We crossed over the river on the bike path and at Addison kept going south along the river in more High School campus area. Then the trail took a u turn and headed north through parking lots and over to a Check at Roscoe and Western. Here the hare admitted he realized he was running out of time and ooops, there goes trail with a massive long straight. The trail eventually did get better after Irving Park as it went through the river path north of Irving to Montrose. And then On In. Meanwhile, I was a major DFL. So I short cut to this park and headed across the park towards Irving Park Bridge and the river. Damn. Hugh fence around the field with wind breaking covers, but a gap right where the path is. But the break was only for the wind breakers and not this new god damn wall of very high chain link fence. With construction signs everywhere and no construction at all. But screw the people anyway. So I followed the fence the long way around, looking for what used to be gaps in the fences. None. Damn. Finally got out and headed across the river and took the river trail on in to the finish. Nice circle when I could hear people with gags over their mouths. Some nice songs including some Limericks. Good time.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trailx
Jan 5. 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Holstein Park for a dozen hounds. Trail started out to the east and we sort of went in circles for a bit. At our second Check I got mixed up as I ran into marks, a False, from the Check before I got to the Check. I finally got there and with Castration Sensation we headed out on the true trail when he returned and said they were coming back. So I ranged from the Check towards where I saw a mark when I got off the bus. Close to the Check, Well, it was trail all right. The ON IN trail and just before the last Check. So I ran the trail backwards which was basically south on Damen, a gangway and alleys and Fullerton west. And I finally ran into Lifa at a Check on Fullerton. Well, obviously I knew the way out. But I always figure when I get there by a short cut or like I did, then I should let the FRB find the trail. He came to hash, not follow my directions because I got there backwards. So Lifa did 2 Falses and finally Back Door Bizzel arrived and headed out the right way, east on Fullerton. False Advertising was right behind. We then ran on until Belden and Damen and the last Check. I found that and one block south. We headed west and towards the finish. False Advertising finally passed me and when we got in, most where already there. Then Garmin came in DFL. He started late and almost caught us. We had a nice circle and headed on home.
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Jan 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, the Eight Beer Stop Hash. Horn-E and Slit Digger hared from Catherine Chevalier Woods.We spent about three hours laying trail and of course it is always how soon can they screw it up. And as soon as they got into the woods, hounds were ranging and obviously not staying on trail. Our first Check was before the first wide path. They ran to a False and over ran it. Got on the path and ran west on a Split from the true ttrail of the Check and I'm not sure they even knew it. But there were marks and a long False. So what do you do at a False? What you do and what they did were two different things. Naturally someone just kept going. Bye bye. The rest finally returned and got back on trail. Trail went trough some real thick sections of small trees and to a Check on another wide path. This took a while and they were soon in the woods again and heading south to this wide prairie of three foot prairie grasses. We had a Check here with three different trails, all leading to the first Beer Stop. One hasher ran straight and yelled ON at the first mark and everyone followed. OK. They got to the Beer Stop and it took about five minutes before Magnetic Muff finally found a Pilsner Urquel. They then ran south, but two hounds found trail out of there on one of those On In trails. Ooops. At the next Beer Stop at a cross section in the woods, Zone 2 and Castration Sensation found the beer. Then they ran on and followed Lower Wackoff on a False. He didn't yell On and even he wondered why they were following him. This pack was not running as a pack or usual conventions. But at their peril. We ran on to Beer Stop 3 by the rivers edge. As I got there, they were confused and couldn't find the beer. Hollow tree was still hollow. Damn. And there was False Advertising staring at a 6.5 foot tall tree stump for about a minute before looking up and there was the beer. So we ran on. Just Do Me Slowly managed to get there and now was following the pack back. I was told Chicken Stiffer finally got back to the pack from that first False. Back Door Bizzel found trail out and we were on to the north. The next check was at a cross roads and down a steep slippery hill, Beer was hidden in a pile of logs. About three hounds managed to head out on the False before a whistle was heard and trail headed along the river and finally to Beer Stop 5 at a 55 gal drum in the middle of the forest. Huh. Trail headed east through the woods and a section that was devastated by a down draft wind storm and fallen trees everywhere, We finally had a Beer Stop 6 in a tight section of trees with the beer high up a fallen tree. Here the late arriving Crotch Fire caught up to the pack. And again the pack got sucked in by another of Slit Digger's long Falses. We got to another wide path and headed south and then into the woods long the water run off area and Beer Stop 7. the pack was whole. Not for long. They finally started out looking for Beer Stop 8. False Advertising started out towards the beer to the east. Then changed his mind and followed Lower Wackoff and others to the south and the slippery path. That led to that very first False that someone ran through. Ooops. Got them. Meanwhile Zone 2 headed East and right to the Beer Stop in a thick section of swamp reeds that were about 12 to 15 feet tall. Beer was in the middle and it was soon the hares and Stuffin Muffin and Crotch Fire and a smiling Zone 2. Something about reeds and molesting or something. When we headed out we ran into Lifa and stoped for a while before heading ON IN. Back at the finish we held a Big Dog circle in the shelter and everyone got at least one Down Down. Then Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and the hares headed for the mega garage for some pizza and warming up.
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The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 30, 2020,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Steps In Shit volunteered but couldn't make it back to Chicago. So Lifa volunteered to do a live hare. Then only Garmin showed up. WTF. Even Horn-E didn't show and they waited for him for ten minutes. Apparently they each had a nice run, Shit happens. As for Horn-E, as he changed pants to get ready to go, his keys fell behind a box and he didn't look for them until he was ready to leave. A half hour later, still no keys. He didn't find them until the next day at about 1pm. Someone get help for that old man. Hey, I knew they were in the house. Just where. That never happened before.
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31 Dec 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard for a 10PM hash. The latest ever in Chicago. And only four showed up. Just Do Me Slowly who walked about a mile of trail , Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzel and Castration Sensation. Laying trail I knew of one local street with a lot of Christmas Lights. So that was the first goal. then I wanted to head south for a big loop. But there was another 2 block long street with a lot of lights. Why not. Then the next block also had some very unusual coordinated lights. Couldn't not do it. Now it was time to change the original plans. Pulled some Checks by the local High School and tried to sneak past the streets with lights and go around to the north hoping for more streets with lights. Nope. So the last part of the trail was boring. About 3 miles. At the finish we had Hot Chili and fresh baked pretzels and cheap champagne tosts to bring in the new year, A neighbor blew off fire works and Auld Lang Syne. We hung around until about 12:30. So, it worked. At least 5 of us didn't have to spend New Years Eve like any other Thursday night, alone with a good movie.
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1 Jan 2021, False Advertising laid his anal New Years Day Hash from Twisted Spokes. Weather was calling for nasty freezing rain. I tried to email the hare and find out if it was worth coming. Would there actually be a trail. The hare's reply. "It is terrible here. I would not come. Freezing rain." So I didn't. And last night all five of us said we were going. And the other four did and there was a trail. So, they alone ran the last trail of last year and the first trail of this year. With two separate hares. Now that was false advertising. From what I heard there was a long stretch through very slippery alleys only to come up to a Back Chekc 21. Yeah, 21. Back to the start and a hot drink and then off on a short trail that wasn't horrible even though there was some freezing rain and they finished under some cover. So, they had a good start to hashing in the new year. 
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3 Jan 2021. Eleven hashers gathered to carry on the Just Justs Chicago tradition for the first Sunday of Jan. We had three Master Marker Makers in Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire and Just Brad. And we would name Just Brad later. We had eight runners on trail and we all spent the entire run trying to get ahead of Garmin. He'd blow away the pack and miss a turn and on and on. I managed to find one of those and he soon blew right past me. We worked our way to the east and one of those missed marks right after the first Split. And then again and we were having a hard time seeing the red arrows on the wet pavement. Lower Wackoff found the first Check to the north and myself and Lower Wackoff ran on to a Split and the pack was soon with us. And we went on and on like this. Trail even went over a roof on the campus and back down and across the expressway for a loop back that I caught. And then through the campus where I ran to the lead hound, Garmin only to have him do a loop back or something and I'm off alone going the wrong way. From there we worked our way out of the campus and back west and south of Roosevelt. And all along I was just behind the pack or way behind the pack until we hit the finish in an open field. And a bunch of the pack got out of cars to join us. WTF. And I caught up to Lower Wackoff and walked in together. And there we were, knee deep in goose shit. If you went home and didn't remove your shoes at the door and now your carpets are green, it isn't fresh grass stains. More like processed grass stains. False Advertising led the circle. And he was called out by Crotch Fire for running off trail and losing trail completely and begging for directions. Then we finally got around to naming Just Brad. I started things out with Goose Shit, but things and stories got better. I mean, a real cellar dweller here. When a name like French Licker doesn't make it, we had some good stories. But it ended up in a tie. So we decided we'd let him pick and the name he liked least would be the name he got. and so forever more he will be called Mommy's Coming. Now he has to explain that one to Mom and we'll let him explain it further. Others in attendance were Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2.
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The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 15, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lifa set trail from Brands Park for 12 hounds and maybe some Christmas lights. We started out to the north and then headed south through a nice twist of alleys and angled streets and I was able to keep the pack within sight. We crossed Belmont and due to a Back Check I was right up front. But within blocks I lost the pack completely. But trail was there and decisions points were mostly marked and I ran on to California where I ran into the hare sweeping. Trail headed east and into a hidden gangway and over to the Christmas Lights House. Steps In Shit blew past me right about here and at the lights, he was already long gone, and I stopped to take a bunch of pics. Then it was on east and south and eventually over to Logan Blvd and Western and a Check. Marked North East, maybe, I ran on and found trail at Diversey and the Turkey Split. Well, I'm way behind with that fast pack so it was straight up Elston and then north to the Beer Stop along the river. And I wasn't DFL. They took the Eagle trail. We then went back to the park and circled up.
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Dec 18, 2020, Lifa set a trail for friends who run Chicago. We were starting from Its Too Soft's roof Deck and five hounds managed to show up and give his new roof top fire pit a good start. This time I fell back right away with a slow start and traffic and the leaders were long gone. We headed over towards Sheffiend and Wrightwood and a Check. Marked, I headed south and into an alley and saw Garmin disappearing ahead. Crossing Halsted and the next street, Burling, trail headed south and across Lincoln and finally into Oz Park. And there was the sweep but he didn't know where anyone was, But a hint and I headed south on Lincoln and soon Garmin passed me on the other side of the street,I headed over to where the hare said there would be a check, at Armitage and Clark and he warned me to not go south for a long back Check. Good move, I headed into Linclon Park and passed the Zoo lights and finally picked up on marks around the observatory as I was taking time to take pics of lights. Then it was passed the north lagoon and suddenly Garmin passed me. What again. He should have been long gone. The rest of the pack got screwed by a back check 11. Not II as in Roman numerals (when have we ever used those) but someone interpeted it as a back check 2. And they worked the hell out of that. Over and over. Who said hashers are smart. Finally they escaped that and were gaining on me. and passing me. A short time later Just Brad also blew past me. At Diversey Clark I opted out of more trail and he ran north on Broadway. Bye. I got back to the finish and joined Its Too soft, Shortly after I was joined by Castration Frustration who also dropped out after that back check from hell. I finally left as I had to hare the next morning and the rest came in shortly after. Also on trail was Cockholm Syndrome.
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Dec 19. 2020. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E ilaid trail from Edgebrook Woods and we had a pack of 12 and 3 bushbabes who stayed behind and found the beer and hung out in the woods. Meanwhile the pack was gone. I tried to catch them and sweep, but my short cut wasn't fast enough and so I just turned back. They said later on that the hare had to do this and that while they just short cut around it. Probably what happened in the beginning as the trail ran on a slope next to the golf course, Yeah, like they would run that. Damn city runners. Why come to the woods if you are just going to run down streets at every opportunity and skip the woods. Talking to Slit Digger I got some input on trail. They did see a lot of deer. They ran along the ravines and caught both of my Falses after a vertical Check on a hollowed out tree. No, trail didn't go inside. Then we had a river crossing and most didn't see the Check on the bank of the other side and got caught on some Falses there. Good. But trail went under the bridge and through a hole in the fence and into the golf course. Managed to head the trail through a lot of the wooded sections and eventually I was running out of time and shorted the finish a bit. But one last section of woods and crossing Central they were at the finish. And the pack was soon following on in with Lower Wackoff being DFL. We had a nice long leisurely circle in the woods and eventually 9 on us headed over to Slit Diggers Garage for our annual Christmas Party. Good lemon treats Magnetic Muff. We eventually ordered a pizza and just spread out in the garage on lawn furniture and relaxed and told tall tales.
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Dec 20, 2020 was another trail for friends who run Chicago. Rusty Grundel laid trail from the roof deck of Its Too Soft and we had 6 hounds, We headed west and north and I was slowly falling behind. But I managed to keep Back Door Bizzel in sight and then not. We got over to Sheridan and north to Briar. They were out of sight and I got to Broadway and there was Stuffin Muffin. The hare pulled a loop back here on the other side of the street, but where the trail went north, there was no turn mark. Oh Oh. But we split up and I found trail and we regrouped at Belmont and Broadway. We ran north and found a Check at Melrose. Looked like it was marked north so we did that but only found one mark. Far enough behind we decided to head west and look for a trail crossing. Melrose to Halsted to Belmont to Sheffield and there was a Check. And we were there first. I found trail to the south and we regrouped at a Triple Split. Well I picked wrong and when I returned Stuffin Muffin was gone on the right trail and there was Lifa. So Lifa and I got on the right trail and he was on one side of the street when I spotted a loop back and suddenly Castration Sensation was right behind me. And then Magnetic Muff was there and some how most of us were together and we finally ran on back to the roof Deck. We hung out for quite a while there, Its Too soft grilled up a few burgers and the fire pit was roaring and the wind wasn't to bad. Good time.
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 13, 2020, A Lucia Fun Run, a Swedish tradition, set by two of our resident Swedes, Construction Junction and Cockholme Syndrome. Celebrating the shortest day on the Julian Calendar.  Trail was in a normal hash fashion with 16 runners. The location of the start had a last minute change of location due to a movie being made at the other location. So we ended up behind the chocolate factory with free smells of fresh cooking chocolate. Trail was set by the Master Mark Maker and he explained the marks and set off the pack to the NE. I started late and he gave me a shortcut straight north and as I got to Grand, the pack was coming my way. At the first street was a triple split and the pack headed north. But Back Door Bizzel came by and told me that there was a check on Grand so we headed there. And as the pack arrived at the Check, I started checking to the west and found trail. Yes, that Horn-E is leading. False Advertising soon caught up at another Triple split and he headed right, right. I headed south, wrong. When I was almost to the next corner I heard the On call but kept going to the corner where I found Lower Wackoff on a short cut. So we paralleled the pack heading west and eventually we came to a street and here was Rusty Grundel coming our way. And there was an arrow and now we are in front. Yeah sure. Rusty Grundel soon passed us and the trail headed east. We followed and at the next block Rusty Grundel found trail through some property. I opted to parallel along the tracks and eventually I saw Rusty Grundel leading the pack south on Halsted. So at the first opportunity I headed south and again I was paralleling the pack. After several more blocks south, the pack came my way and there was Lifa, Some Crappy Name and Rusty Grundel. But it was a short loop and they were soon heading east and I followed as we crossed the Expressway and eventually the pack started catching me and passing me. I'm tiring now after leading for a bit. But we run on and headed for Madison and then down 187 steps to a path along the river. What goes down has to come back up. So I look ahead and I think I saw some hashers heading east on Lake Street. So I head east to Wacker and then north to Lake and guess what. You guessed it. They didn't come this way. Damn. But I head west and quickly pick up on the trail at the T and E Split. Making a wrong assumption, yes again, I never saw another mark. But I start working my way towards the finish and eventually I saw a hasher, Skull N Boner heading behind some building after starring in that damn movie. The story of a beautiful woman being dragged across town by some huge animal, alright, her dog. A short time later I ran into Steps N Shit and then Just Parth as we came into the finish. And there were the Master Mark Maker and the Mistress Mush Maker finishing up on their preparations. And soon we were drinking beer and enjoying traditional Swedish Christmas delights of glögg, lussebullar, pepparkakor and knäck and Swedish Christmas carols. LIfa led a short circle and we all indulged in the goodies and stood around enjoying camaraderie and getting cold together.
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What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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On On
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Tue, Dec 1, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a trail from the northern end of Goose Island for 12 trail hounds. He wasn't there at the start, but we were off right on time and across the old railroad bridge. Checking. Trail headed west and by the time we got to the next Check/Split we were already stretched out with a pack of fast hounds leaving us half fast hounds behind. I saw the pack heading north and short cut the corner and never saw Lower Wackoff again. Kept marking checks and such, but he never caught up. So we ran on. I was soon alone as we headed to Cortland and Damen where Stuffin Muffin caught up with me. He soon left me behind but we managed to run together on and off along the way. We finally got to Damen and the 606 and there was Cockholme Syndrome resolving a back check that brought us up to the 606. And that was the last I saw of him. We ran on and finally came down to street level and a nice mix of streets and the longest mark I ever saw on a Check pointing to true trail. A six foot fence post. Around here we were also joined by Castration Sensation. So it was the three of us running along, together and spreading out, off and On. Finally somehow got ahead of Stuffin Muffin at a Check on Damen. Hey, we had to get back to Goose Island and so it had to go over the Division Street Bridge. Local knowledge again paid. And from there it did cross that bridge and Stuffin Muffin left me behind at the finish. About 5.3 miles for me and I was mostly right on trail.  A circle was already going on, finishing, and shortly after the pack started to disperse.

Sat, Dec 5, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Crotch Fire laid a trail from Wolf Road Woods for a small pack. Unfortunately 15 of us showed up and so the beer stop got screwed up a bit. But we took off on trails that are mostly inhabited by dirt bike riders. And we were running. There were long stretches between junctions in the paths which led to the fast runners running away with the trail. But us half fast runners then got a chance for our own checking. The trails were full of a lot of exposed roots and rocks that at least had me running slower then I wanted to, to avoid catching a toe on something and doing a header, Like False Advertising. Gotcha. He had to ask Lower Wackoff to help him up. Anyone but asking Horn-E. With long stretches between junctions the hare didn't feel a need to keep marking trail because there was no where else to go. But sometimes we need a confidence mark to ensure we didn't miss a turn. Supposedly he had 25 pounds of flour. I doubt 2.5 pounds of flour were used. And sure enough at one point after a junction, I found Magnetic Muff returning on trail saying there were no marks, I kept going and it was at least another hundred yards before I found a little bit of a mark. This eventually led me to leading a small pack down a revine to a road and across the road. Another point where a mark would have helped, But at the next Check, I saw a steep hill and headed that way and was on to the east for what turned into a long straight that wiggled a bit but kept going until we came to a slough. Here trail went left and around the slough and to a parking lot. Again, slight marks and I finally found one at the turn of the parking lot onto a road east. And then I ran on and on with Back Door Bizzle. Probably more yards then the Chicago Bears have managed all year. And no marks. At what point do you stop and go back. did we miss a Check in that parking lot. Nope. Se we tried again and this time the hare came by on his bike, sweeping, and told us that the marks were on the other side of the road. Damn, nothing indicatied that. But we were finally On and we could see the back of the pack coming along. From here it was some more nice trail and finally heading up hill to the parking lot and the finish About 5.5 miles. We held a big Dog Circle and then headed out to avoid the sunset closing rules. From there we headed to a brewery where everyone enjoyed a good brew or two. Good overall day.

Thu, Dec 10, 2020, A fun run. A small pack of hashers gathered for a fun run at Wellington and Damen in the park. Lifa laid a short trail for us, hash style, and we had a mostly good run. A the first Check the last hound I saw was Just Brad. But I didn't need any hints and of course went the exact opposite way and was now way behind. But I ran on. On Fullerton I deliberately went straight at a Check trying to catch up and sure enough the trail came back to me and I found myself just ahead of Castration Sensation and Back Door Bizzle and just before the T and E split. Back Door Bizzle and I went full Turkey and then the three of us regrouped at a Check at Western and Diversey, Back Door Bizzle and I headed east, local knowledge, and I insisted on going as far as the bridge where I knew of steps coming from below and sure enough, there was an arrow and we were soon into a beer stop on a pier into the river where the front pack, Just Brad, Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome, and Some Crappy Name. After a quick beer we headed back to the park and a few beers and home. A good chance to get out of the house and have a good run on a real nice night.


The Tale of the Trail

Wed, Nov. 25, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from Palmer Square Park for 7 trail hounds. Six on time and one victim of the CTA and a bit of rain. Yeah, me again. I got there and it took a while to find the start and of course they were long gone. But I found trail and took off through the park and then hit my first mistake. People standing on the turn arrow out of the park and I ran south going no where. Finally got on traill again and did a short loop around the edge of the park and a Split. It was marked west and I ran two blocks without a arrow. so I ranged and eventually around a long block and back to that damn Split. Tried again and a short distance away there was an arrow into an alley. Damn. Followed that to a Check and checked the time. It was already 8:00 so I headed back to the start, more then a bit disappointed. Yeah.And False Advertising was already in. All right, he lost things at a check and headed in. And apparently I missed a Back Check 7 and one or two other Checks that really puzzled the pack. Eventually the pack made it in and we circled around a jug of Wild Turkey. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Slit Digger, Lower Wackoff and Its Too Soft.

Sun. Nov. 29, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Mather Park for 6 trail hounds. Nice day and a nice night for a hash. Laid a perfect trail. Well, all hares think so and they were sure to let me know where I went wrong. With huge diagrams. The fist Check apparentlyy went normal. But then that Second Check. Started to work perfectly with everyone going off on a False Trail. Instead of finishing off the False Trail with an F, for some stupid reason I laid another arrow and the pack ran in circles for about 10 minutes. Ooops. I want to sweep, but I had to go and get beer for Meange A Twat. Anyhow they finally returned to the Check snad found the correct way out. Only now this time Slit Digger is certain I missed laying another arrow on the true trail. Thanks to Magnetic Muff I was off the hook for that one. Trail went to Kedzie and Devon where there was another Check with a damn long False that at least Slit Digger ran. Actually almost a loop so not that bad. Up until now they were struggling so much that even Meange A Twat caught up walking Then they found the real trail and it was over to a big mall and another Check by Hoe depot. And again they struggled. That one should have been easy, but it took well over ten minutes. After that things were relativly simple and they slowly wandered in one by one. We held a short circle and finished off with swing low and hung around for another twenty minutes or so. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Lifa.

The Tale of the Trail

Thu. Nov 19, 2020, A non-affiliated Covid Hash trail set by Cockholm Syndrome from under the tracks near Kinzie and Canal and 10 hashers seeking some good exercise managed to show up and run a fun trail with plenty of ups and downs. Damn hare. We took off to the east and across the river for a mixed up start and the pack somehow ended on Orleans St near the Merchandise Mart. Some went across the river and over to Wells. Some went in front of the Merchandise Mart. But we all managed to cross Wells and head over this little foot bridge to La salle. Here is where I lost the pack. Yes, again. I thought I saw Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin heading east on Kinzie. Nope. So I ranged north on Clark looking for a trail going east. Not. Meanwhile, I think La Salle is where some found the ON Back trail and headed west. Whatever, Double Meter Beater managed to finish the trail in 25 minutes. but over achievers like him go back out to find the trail he missed. Some few hashers managed to find the correct the trail and keep going and get over towards the lake front for some of those up and downs especially around the rivers edge and lower Michigan. Meanwhile around Grand and Clark, Horn-E found the On back trail and followed it backwards. Hey, its trail. This led me straight east to Wabash where I missed a mark. Damn. But back on trail I ran a block north and crossed Michigan and got into some damn garbage filled alley. Now there I really needed to wear my mask and some nose plugs too. But it was up some stairs and further east and heading down some stairs I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and the pack, at least what was left of it. So I followed them a bit and then, took a short cut to avoid that stinking alley and picked up on trail again with Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin and we headed east. This was a zig zag trail through a bunch of alleys and streets until we finally hit the BN Check. I was in the lead here, and soon Lifa came along. I found trail along the river and we were soon heading back to the ON IN spot. And there was most of the pack. WTF. That included Steps In Shit and Pony Pounder. Eventually we were joined by the first DFLs Its Too Soft and Castration Frustration. And then came the second DFL, our misguided FRB, Double Meter Beater. Lifa led a bit of circle and all was good.

Sat Nov 21, 2020 was the Bushman Hash hared by Horn-E. Set to start at 1:00PM to avoid the early Forest closing of 4:24pm. Damn rules. Unfortunately some didn't read my posting and get the message of the time change. So when I got to the start after setting trail there were just three hounds. WTF. And I carried a case of beer all that way for three hounds. And laid trail for over three hours. Oh well. I'm sweeping so lets get going. We headed out and after a few splits the mini pack was off and running woodland trails. And then they missed a Split. Somehow the Split was marked with two sticks to go left, but they went straight. Now who marked that Split. We did see Lifa's car, but no Lifa. We figured he came and took off on trail. Not. So after a correction, the pack headed for the river following Stuffin Muffin and with a long dry spell, the river was low and we were able to cross the tracks under the trestle and there was a Check. They headed left and middle and both were long Falses. Here is where I got my trail inspiration of the day. I noticed that with the low river there was actually a low river bank trail that was dry and under a high hill with 80 degree climb up and down. Had to do that. So eventually the pack found trail, with a hint from the hare to Magnetic Muff,  to the right and nearer the tracks and through some good shiggy over logs and stuff and through formerly wet lands. There would be two more of that along trail. But along here Lower Wackiff got ahead and then at a three way fell behind. And the pack ran on, together and then apart and really regrouped at the bridge on Forest Glen Drive. A back Check and a hidden Check got them. But here we reversed trail and headed back on the north side of the river through some good thick shiggy and nice enough areas to actually run a bit. Past the golf course and finally to that planned drop down to the river's edge. And they all chickened out. Hey, if an 80 year old man with a back pack full of flour can do it, so can you. Not. Hell, it was fun laying it and doing it again. These are the things that make some trails greater then others. Trail actually went to a thick vine hanging down a fifteen foot drop to the rivers edge. Vines. Tarzan. Well, not really. But I ran along the river and the trail eventually narrows. It is either the river or a steep climb, about 25 feet almost straight up. But with a few small trees growing out of the side, it was a snap. Yeah, even for an old man. Shortly after we saw four hashers on the other side of the rover. A 2:00pm starting group. This included Slit Digger, who was the only one to climb down to the rivers edge and back up again. And Lifa, False Advertising and Zone 2. So we ran west and they ran east. We had some more nice woods trail and eventually we got to the B, at the bend in the river. It took Lower Wackoff about five minutes to find the beer, 25 craft beers, all different. And as we drank beer, we finally saw the rest of the pack, on the other side of the river. Still five minutes to beer. We then held a quick circle and had to leave to beat that damn 4:24 sunset. All was good. And it was a great day with sunshine and all in the woods. And we did see some strange animal. A tail less squirrel. I had more hair on my chin then the squirrel. We figured he was damn lucky and just managed to get away from Wylie.

The Tale of the Trail

Fri. Nov 13, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash Lower Wackoff laid trail from 5100 N. Francisco and we had 12 hounds. Trail started out to the south and ultimately did a big sweep around to the west and back north and east in the park and finally to a BN at the home of our newest resident Crip, Just Do Me Slowly. And it will be months before she is back on trail. The beer stop was in the back yard and Berts Special Friend was the first hound in. By then the lame or bull shit hounds Horn-E and Menage A Twat were already there. Damn hounds, screwed up on trail again. Especially that damn old man. He actually went to a park a mile away and ran to the correct location and stumbled onto trail at BN. Just Do Me Slowly's mom came out and met the hash. She can't really be JDMS's mom. She doesn't look a day over 60. We then headed over to the start where we held a circle as usual and in the cold. We're getting used to it. Others on trail were Lifa, Pony Pounder, Castration Sensation, Some Crappy Name (No, it isn't something too crappy to mention. That is it), Meat Inside Her, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Its Too Soft and Garmin.

Sat. Nov 14, 2020, The Big Dog Hash Set by Hooch B4 Cooch from BlackHawk Park. As I was arriving, going down Blackhawk street, the pack got an early start and ran past me in the adjacent alley and I never knew it. So, it was 14 trail hounds. But as I arrived at the start Hooch B4 Cooch told me and I was soon in pursuit. I caught then at a Check at Ashland. Or at least the back of the pack. And we were off straight west and then wound our way north to North and then south to Milwaukee. Isn't Milwaukee about 90 miles north of Chicago. Where the hell am I? At this point I had fallen way behind Steps In Shit and Magnetic Muff and was running along with False Advertising. I saw Magnetic Muff to the Northwest and we followed to a Check at Damen where Its Too Soft was parked. I started a counterclockwise loop looking for marks and kept watch on Its Too Soft in case someone called on and he was off. And then he was off and On and I didn't see him leave. What else is new. But I found trail to the south on Damen and into Wicker Park and a Split. Unmarked so I checked out the park and nothing. So I assumed, and never assume with a hare, that the trail had to go west and would probably then head south. Being so damn far behind, I decided to range to the south and eventually pick up on trail. Donnie the Retard. Trail went west and then north. Meanwhile False Advertising was sucked along with my bad call and the two of us separately ranged off course and worked our way back to the start, I then ran backwards on trail until I ran into Double Meter Beater. So it was back to the start. And the pack trickled on in and even Zone 2 managed to find trail and now has bragging rights over False Advertising. Eventually a Big Dog Circle was held and with this big mob, we went On and ON. Then we hung out, On and On. And Hooch B4 Cooch kept reloading a coffee pot with hot cider.

Sun. Nov 15, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch again laid trail from Pulaski Park. (Just south of Blackhawk between Cleaver and Nobel)Pulaski Park at Blackhawk between /Cleaver and NobelPulaski Park. and for the third hash in a row, Horn-E was late. So I hid my bag in bushes and took off on trail. Running fast, for me, there was no way I would catch that list of speedsters, 8 trail hounds besides myself. Trail started out like a previous hash and so I had no trouble following and what wasn't marked was often obvious and I ran on to the south east, over the Kennedy and back over the Kennedy on Chicago. Then a loop to the south and over to Ashland and pretty much straight north from there and on in. And there they were and circle was over. That is how fast they were and how slow I was, even when I was running fast. The pack included Lifa, Garmin, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Cockholm Syndrum, Rusty Grundel, Pony Pounder and Some Crappy Name. And more hot cider flowed and we hung out in strong cold winds for well over another hour or so. Just having fun socializing.



The Tale of the Trail

Tue Nov 3, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Saving Myself For Two Black Guys laid trail from Oz Park at Webster and Lincoln. Somewhere within the park. This was a fair well as he is taking off for Hawaii for a bit. Lucky bastard. He is probably laying on the beach while we are stuck with all of this record breaking 70 degree plus weather. I know when the hash is. I typed it in for this list. Then I planned on getting there at 7:15 and the bus was even late for that. They were long gone. But I took off and running well I ran the streets of the area north of Oz Park. All right, trail wasn't bad and I was moving along. Even got past a six corner Check at Lincoln and Halsted without to much trouble. Worked my way north on Halsted and then over to Lincoln and finally towards Lincoln and Sheffield. Found a Check here and it was marked to go through the park. I looked at the time and I was already out there a half hour and so I guessed on the trail going west or east. I went west the the trail went east. So I had a good run straight south to Armitage and then straight east to Oz Park and never came across the trail. Naturally. Then were almost finished with circle when I arrived. But I had a good personal run, so, shit happens. On trail besides myself were Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Its Too Soft, Lower Wackoff and Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Seven hounds.                  h.

Sun. Nov 8, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Gay Dancer hared from Winnemac Park. Looked like a big pack and many more arrived late for a total of 13 hounds running the trail and four walkers. The walkers were 4 Harriets, but glad they turned out. We did have one Harriet that ran, I Eat Dick.She was probably FRB again. We headed through Winnemac Park to the south and I was soon behind the runners. But hounds kept coming from behind me. The first to come running behind me was some guy with Some Crappy Name. A little later I approached Lincoln Square and suddenly I was joined by Cockholm Syndrum and Just Kervin, a virgin. Yeah, he ought to fit in good. Another hound passing me like I'm standing still. I saw then disappear to the west andI was on my own again. Ranging to catch up, I somehow missed the trail crossing Lawrence. Finally crossing Lawrence by the river, and heading through the riverside park I came up to Rusty Grundel and Pony Pounder working a Triple Split. It wasn't my way, so they were soon on. No way I would keep up so I ran north through the park and headed west on Foster. Two blocks later I saw Some Crappy Name following Double Meter Beater. I followed and soon lost them as we headed east and south of Foster and California. Suddenly I ran into two of the walkers, Special Head and Bloody Thighs, They were On and On the Turkey Trail. Hell, no wonder I couldn't keep up. I was on the Eagle trail. But we headed through an alley and Some Crappy Name passes me yet again. I followed and at Lincoln there was a Split. I was ahead, Yeah sure. He soon passed me again. And then another Split and he is wrong again, but I followed and we regrouped and he is gone again. Damn, it sucks to be slow. Finally we enter Winnemac Park and I'm about 100 yards from the On In and, you guessed it. passed again. Rusty Grundel ran right by me in the park and beat me in. Well, with my short cuts, I wasn't last, but should have been. We then laid around and didn't even have a circle. I thought this was a hash and not just some Hound and Hares club.The pack slowly drifted off until there were about ten left, the usual suspects and one virgin. The ones that are doing most of the actual hashing post Covid. We are the hash. Join us.  
 

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

Four hashes this week. I set to and I ran two. Two were great and two were finished by all that started out.

Wed Oct 28, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Horn-E laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake.  Nice turnout for a WWH3 with 8 hounds on trail. I just got back from laying trail as they arrived. I thought I'd have them out there for a good hour. Damn fast hounds. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was soon running down the street. Probably 45 minutes, but they got about 4 miles. Within about five minutes the whole pack was in. Well, at east I kept them close together. And I had about ten different bottles of Whiskey and such to try. And they did, Especially Stuffin Muffin. He staggered out of my back yard. Good thing Magnetic Muff was driving. Others on trail were Cockholm Syndrome, Lifa, Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. There were several groupies who showed up as they held a surprise birthday party for me. Yeah, cake and some gifts. Hey, it is no big deal. Only my first 80th birthday. We also had three groupies that showed up and special thanks for them for showing up even though they didn't hash. False Advertising. Crotch Fire, and Construction Junction, etc. Lifa had a birthday song with 14 verses ready. Even he had to read it. Great stuff. Special thanks for the porn. Really, porn from the 40s. Like I remember that. I didn't even know that it had two uses back then. But it was interesting. It said black and white so I figured it was inter racial stuff with all this racial stuff these days They didn't even sing Swing Low. Funny rather then anything else. Really, I forgot that women had hair there. And no sheep or goats or bald, tattooed, transsexual midgets. I'm afraid of the other one. Debbie Does Dallas. Probably more lesbian stuff between two ladies named Debbie and Dallas. And then there was the instant three some pack. Yeah, two inflate-a-dolls. Two foot long. Look, even I ain't that small. Yeah I blew them up. No, not that way. An electric pump. And they didn't even vibrate. And thanks for the contributions towards hearing aids. Good news is now I can hear the R As. The bad news is now I can hear the R As. I thought all of these years you were calling me Dick Todd for some reason. Thanks guys. Really, thanks. I hope to see you all when I turn 90.

Thu Oct 29, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash, Steps in Shit laid this trail from his house near 16th street and Racine. Big pack. Yeah, like we get them on TH3. But double and more then the last one. We had five hounds. We took off on a cold and damn windy night to the west for a block and a Check. So far so gook. Then under tracks to the north and another Check. Now the shit began. It was like forever in all directions, long ways, and not a single mark anywhere. Turns out, he made marks on telephone poles and didn't tell us. I finally went west and then took off on a huge loop looking for anything in the way of a mark. After a big half loop I ran into Cockholm Yyndrome and he saw Lifa and Its Too soft. So we headed towards them, but I finally saw they were heading where I already checked. So I continued on this huge loop finally heading south again and running into a Check. And there comes Lifa drom the west, So we Check it out and somehow I end up in from and Lifa catches me heding north on Halsted, We make it to Roosevelt and a Split, Eventually I head west and find a Check. I gamble on west and nthing. Only other option was through the U of I campus so I start another loop.Meanwhile Lifa finds trail through the campus and is long gone. I finally find another Check and head north. Wrong again. What else is new. So another loop around and eventually I'm at Halsted and Taylor. Trail heads east. There is a Split a block later. Now, it is south and back towards the finish or further east and away. I'm already at 4 miles. so, it is south and no marks. Yes again. There are only so many ways they can return across the Dan ryan and so I run on checking each spot and no marks. Damn. I finally head under the railroad tracks near 16th street and there is trail coming from Halsted. I'm on and from here it was sort of an easy trail back mainly on 18th St. I head down the alley and there is the hare on this third floo porch with a gas fire pit in a raging wind storm. Its Too Soft quit early and is there. Just Parth who didn't run is buried in clothes trying to stay warm and he was dowwind of the flames. About five minutes later Lifa arrived followed by Cockholm Syndrome and another 5 to 10 minutes later and Castration Sensation came on in. We tried to stay warm around that wind blown fire and held circle finally finishing with Swing Low and settling into some tall tales and wondering what happened to the absent women of the hash.

Fri Oct 30, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. A blue moon. And it is back to Horn-E's house and another trail in a different direction this time. After being so nice with surprise birthday shit two days ago, I felt like paying them pack back a little. Trail was a normal Horn-E hash and they found enough tricks to stay together for a while before slowly spreading out. Lower Wackoff was last seen standing like a man in an alley. Lifa got into the lead near Target and managed to find the way out of their parking garage and to the B N. Magnetic Muff was following him by a few blocks and saw an impromptu beer stop. Three full Buds sitting there along trail. But she ran on. Stuffin Muffin and Castration Sensation didn't and stopped for a quick Bud. They knew Lower Wackoff was behind and with a 'This bud's for you' they ran on. Lower Wackoff then missed it. Meanehiile I was waiting in deep shiggy, Yeah, some of the weeds were about 12 feet high. About a year ago I pulled a last time beer stop as construction was about to start on a new Metra Station here. And sure enough they mowed down all of the weeds the next day. Gone forever. But, that is a government construction project. So here we are, a year later and now the sign says construction in 2020. I'll believe it when I see it. And the pack came in one at a time and we looked up at the Blue Moon with a rainbow around it. Kind of cool. Back at the house I got out the goodies. I had 24 different beers for the enjoyment of the small pack. Then I brought out the food. Hot drumsticks from my slow cooker and some potato and macaroni salad. All was good, eat, drink and circle finishing up with Swing Low and hanging around for a while before the pack drifted off.

Sun Nov 1, 2020,  The Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid this trail from a little park at 4200 N. Marine Drive. Actually had 11 hounds on trail. What happened. Did the Chicago Men's Hash wake up and get some hounds out. Well, there was actually one Harriett on trail, I Eat Dick, but she and Gay Dancer didn't stay for circle and were gone before the DFL even came in. Trail started out with a run through the tunnel under LSD to a Triple Split. I Eat Dick went Left, right, while I went straight, wrong. No one following I Eat Dick called out ON ON. I looked back and no one was on the corner, but Back Door Drizzel and Lifa heading north. So I returned only to find out that they weren't on. So the three of us headed south, quickly found trail and a Split marked west into a long driveway. Well, it was just a short loop around the front of some school and by the time we got there the pack was already gone and we missed the marks in front of the school. So we wandered in back and Lifa eventually found the trail and I assume Back Door Drizzle followed him. Meanwhile I'm running as far west as Sheridan road and no marks. Well. I returned and finally found trail and it was a long lonely trail from there. No Checks. That's not hashing. Just Splits and they were almost every mark or every other mark. And after about three that were swept and were so obvious I could have found them with a blind fold on, there was never another marked Split. Trail went into the park and south past and through the tennis courts and over to the lake front. And by the time I got there the front of the pack had already done an Eagle Trail and a Shot stop and were long gone. And there was this beautiful golf course to run through and we get stuck on a half mile long stretch of gravel road next to the rocks and lake front. And eventually Lifa finally comes up behind me. We leave the area and run into more and more of those damn Splits. Lifa finally heads for the hill but I pressed on thinking it might go through the bird sanctuary. It did. But eventually I lost trail and another Split and ended up running around most of the bird sanctuary before heading into it. And yeah, I finally found trail in the sanctuary. I followed this on out and another constant stream of Splits. Always go straight. Or damn near always. Finally I get to the Split with SN on it. And one arrow points up the hill. I run up only to find the hare couldn't wait for me and left. So I ran on in and found the pack minus two all waiting. And shortly after Lifa led us in a Circle. Who else was there? Double Meter Beater, Just Parth, Steps In Shit, Cockholm Syndrome, Its Too Soft and Some Crappy Name.             

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

On On
Horn-E
“

If they’re making cakes for divorces, why not ‘Happy Menopause!’ ‘Mmm, it’s a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?’

The Tale of the Trail

Thu, Oct 22. 2020, the Thirstday Hash. Location was set for Wieboldt Park with no hare and probably the last + 70 degrees hash for at least 4 to 5 months. We had only three hounds show up to run. Pathetic. You missed a great trail and night of hashing. So Cockholm Syndrum had some chalk and took up the duty of Hare for Its Too Soft and Horn-E. With no shag wagon we all had to carry back packs full of clothes and beer, etc. We gave him a 4 minute head start and never caught him. Horn-E led through about four Splits before the first Check. Then Horn-E went straight, wrong and Its Too Soft picked right, right, and was gone. But after several Splits, Horn-E caught up at a Triple split. This time Its Too Soft went straight and Horn-E went right. Horn-E was on and yelled out. I thought I saw him as I reached the end of the alley and waved and ran on. Did't see him again. A few marks later I got to a Split and was going to cross Belmont first. I started marking the checks/splits with a ? for the direction I went. If nothing I went back and crossed that out and put in another ?. If I didn't find something, repeat. If I found something I didn't come back. Should have worked and I ran on. Trail went to Roscoe and then east and back and forth between Roscoe and the close alleys. Trail finally went west in the alley from Damen. A long alley. At the end was a Triple Split and I didn't see marks left or right. Ooops. It was left. Anyhow a long alley straight and no marks at the end. I wasn't going bck. So I just posted ? and started ranging, right and east and crossed his trail that went straight south on Ravenswood with Splits, to the finish. Meanwhile I ended up over on Lincoln and did a big loop south and into the finish. FRB. About five minutes later Its Too Soft came on in. We were joined by Back Door Bizzle who didn't run. So we made him R. A and had some DDs and such and finished with Swing Low and sat around drinking, still in shorts and t-shirt. Beautiful night. Next spring suckers.

Sun. Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hare was some masked man, oops, Double Meter Beater. The pack gathered and we took off with just 6 hounds and no Chicago Harriett again. None period. The Bushman had three last week and they are the men's hash and the so called Mother Hash of Chicago can only come up with six men at the start. About 3 blocks into trail we were joined by Back Door Bizzle making seven men, the usual suspects, as usual. So we ran off to the north and west and got stuck at a Split on Western. Horn-E finally spotted a hidden in plain sight mark and we headed into an alley where Horn-E went right, wrong. So he paralleled the pack as we headed west and finally Cockholm Syndrum popped out of a gangway joining Horn-E as we headed north. Quickly Stiffy 4 Stiffies passed us to a Triple Split. It was found to the east in the alley as we followed Some Crappy Name and then at a Split Horn-E found trail to the north in another alley. We made our way to Logan Blvd and near Western when trail crossed Logan and headed west and Horn-E got stuck with traffic. So, now I'm following but I managed one short cut by looking ahead and seeing Cockholm Syndrum a few blocks away. That was it for those damn FRBs. Trail went north west to Diversey and California and then north at the red light. And I caught the red light. Damn. Now I will never catch up. I head under the Expy and to a Split. I picked right, right, and ran on. Then a damn north turn. I wondered about it, but you follow trail. Yep, a long block later the trail turned right and right and back down the other side of the street. A great move for the pack and the FRB, but now I'm just dragging along. As I headed south I suddenly saw Its Too Soft and called out, saving him some dead end running. We ran on with Its Too Soft following until we hit a Split on Elston. Unmarked, so I kept going south. Nothing. Lookng back, Its Too soft was still standing there. So I ran further and nothing, finally waving that I had nothing and I started ranging. From there, there were probably only three choices, north on western for the Eagle of a Turkey Eagle Split, through a housing complex, or south to Diversey. Nothing on Diversey and I couldn't see Its Too Soft so I ranged further east on Diversey and as I approached the river, the four FRBs emerged from a gangway. And there was the Turkey/eagle split. They ran off and Pony Pounder tried to text Its Too Soft and let him know were to come to. I headed south and ran on in on the Turkey Trail. As I was about to cross Fullerton, I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Pony Pounder coming from the eagle and couldn't join them. Traffic again. Finally got across and was passed by Some Crappy Name and Cockholm Syndrum just before the finish. About 5 minutes later Its Too Soft came in and another 10 minutes before Back Door Bizzle came in. Not a bad trail for a relatively new hare. I didn't say that. some one hi-jacked my email. Cool, but still a nice day.

“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand”

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

Thu Oct 15, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Just Adam hared with  Whatever's Cheap from Horner Park. We had seven hounds on trail and I fell behind early. Yes, again. South through Horner Park and then across the river and north through that section along the river for the natural river walk. In the dark it was a bitch. My night eyes are going. Damn old age. After this I got to the shot stop in an alley and Back Door Bizzle was just leaving. Well, from here on it was the two of us following the mostly marked trail. West a block and then south several blocks. Crossed Western and now straight north again. Sort of. We missed a loop. But it was back to the street we were on and starting to look like a boring virgin laid trail. But after here we started to get some nice variety on trail and the two of us plugged along finally returning to the park. The rest of the pack, Just Garmin, Hooch B4 Cooch, Its Too Soft, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and J. Lauren managed to stay together and got in a few minutes before we did. We moved the beer stop into shadows and by the hill and Hooch B4 Cooch led us in circle and then a naming for Just Adam. My hearing aid batteries both went dead at the start and I heard nothing on that naming. But they ended up in a 4 to 4 tie that they couldn't break. Finally they figured out that I wasn't voting. Hell, I couldn't hear shit. But they told me the choices and I liked one name. It flowed nicely. so forever more he shall be called     Castration Sensation. Better steer clear of him.

Fri Oct 16, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Leavitt and Campbell Park Drive. There were six hounds at the start. We were warned that this was going into uncharted territory. Beware and run fast. And so we started out to the southeast. Yeah sure. A few blocks south and we headed west. We were still together until a Check and that is when I fell behind. But I was still ahead of Glory Hole. Not. His dog was being to hard to handle, running and dragging him down the streets and alleys. Really wanting to run. About here he decided he had to retreat to the finish. So not knowing it, I'm trying to keep up with Meat Inside Her, Lifa, Garmin and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. They  headed west from Western on Roosevelt and were marking trail so I ran on. Then we headed way south past factories, empty lots a few homes and a lot of mad angry barking guard dogs. But I ran on and eventually I made another turn south and suddenly there was the pack coming north from a back check loop or whatever. Perfect timing. So, now I'm with the pack for a bit, but again they left me behind. We crossed Roosevelt heading north and onto about a five block stretch of pure straightaway before heading through a dark empty trash filled lot. No, no bodies, so I ran on. We finally ran through some factory zone that I recognized and I knew I was On In. Yeah, sure. At Western I figured trail was straight east to the finish. Damn. Trail went further north and close to the Expressway before heading east again. And then another little loop to the south and eventually a T and E Split. Yeah, like I'm going to take the E split. I headed north and it was straight on in and the pack was just setting up after their finish. So we gathered around and formed our circle, grabbed beers and settled in. Berts Special Friend started circle and all was good. Then just after I gave a Down Down to Glory Hole, Bi Holer came to pick him up. And about ten minutes later we looked up and Its Too Soft came walking on in. He arrived late and walked the whole course. I did give one more down down to Berts Special Friend. He warned of us danger and not one gun shot and only one siren. Disappointing. Eventually we finished circle and slowly moved on out.  

Sat Oct 17, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E l hared from Bunker Hill Woods. Trail started from the South east end of the area, near the locked facilities. Ever notice how the nice clean facilities are always open during the week when the forest preserve is mostly deserted, and closed when the weekend arrives and the area is full of people. These are the same people that would write you up for peeing in the woods after that stupidity. I digress. Most of this is put together from what Slit Digger told me. Trail took off to the west across grasslands with six wankers and three Harrietts. The Men's hash. We crossed the road and there was a Triple Split near a small tree. Most went straight but Slit Digger headed south and found marks into the swamp. There was a big loop through the swamp, clockwise and eventually through a section of dreaded burrs. Sorry, but sometimes you get in and can't get out. When in the woods, "You take what the woods give you." This led to a Check and most of the pack short cut a lot of the swamp while Slit digger did that loop and so were together again. They went west at the Check. Slit Digger went south to a False. Returning he headed east and found trail and didn't see the pack until way after the second river crossing. Speaking of river crossing. The next Check was by the bike path bridge. Slit Digger went straight and it led to an actual river crossing with marks on the other side. But that damn dry bridge is so dam close that he retreated and eventually got back on trail. Some nice trail running through here with a few nasty spots, avoidable, and more trail to a Split. No, trail wouldn't go backwards. So Slit Digger ran straight and no marks. He finally turned back a shot distance from Devon. And the other direction was ON and ran through woods, off trail and behind the pool area, more swamp like land and eventually about 20 feet from where he turned around. I love it when a trail comes together and they catch my tricks and traps. From here Slit Digger crossed the river. No, not in the river, the bridge on Devon and to a Check. I hid this well and he first headed south and there was only one mark. Then north and a well hidden trail along the river before he finally got on. Now, meanwhile, I'm north of there in the deep ravine and looking for the beer I hid on my way to the start. Just missed it while laying trail. I finally find it and head upstream to a likely beer stop and plant it. then I got back to my trail and one last Check. Meanwhile Slit Digger is caught in a loop back over a small ravine and towards Devon before looping back and about here the pack finally caught a short cut and caught up to Slit Digger. They ran on in good woods running and back through the deep ravine and up hills and back down and finally to that last Check. That really caught Slit Digger yet again. But they were soon back on trail and I see then just as I'm finishing the last back check before they run on to beer. And at first they didn't see me and I ran on and put down a big B with an arrow and they came running up to me. And as usual, we circled here. Slit Digger, Lifa, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff, Stupid Is As Stupid Does and Glory hole. Then we here a distant yell from two bimbos. Rotton Whore and her virgin friend. Sorry I didn't get the name. I hope we didn't scare her off with more of a hard core run then she expected. And unfortunately she had to leave very shortly. And then suddenly Back Door Bizzle comes over the hill. The pack is complete. We do another round of circle, finish with Swing Low and head for the cars. Apparently the message didn't get out or out clearly. We were planning on going to Slit Digger's for some grilling. And everyone had plans and only Slit Digger and Horn-E went where we were joined by his wife and some good hash stories for another hour or so. Good day. Damn good day.             

Sun. Oct 11, 2020,  The Chicago Hash, Cockholm Syndrum laid trail from the little park just north of Blooms chocolate factory. And it was raining. But it was just stopping as we started and six hounds took off with one visiting bimbo following, Cuntlerry. (?sp)We headed north to Grand and a Split. I headed west and found trail and yelled On On, but with hoods on and such, no one heard me so I ran On. At this point I was running with more energy then I can remember in years. Felt great. At a Check at Halsted I headed north and after a block, crossed the street and there was a mark coming from another direction and pointing north. On again. Across the street and a mark crossing Halsted and up a hill. Now, I'm 99% certain this is a dead end, but the lead hound has got to run the trail. Up hill, down hill, up hill again and finally to a roof top parking area and the dreaded Back Check four. As I return I see Lifa coming and then Double Meter Beater and let then know. Double Meter Beater found trail to the west and I soon never saw him again. Lifa was also after him and soon long gone. By now others were catching up. Cuntlerry was way back and got this far and was the only other person to do that Back Check. Upon returning she ran into Diarebar a transplant who was following and they returned to the start/finish. Trail went on for the rest of us and I was following and catching up and we passed Chicago Ave and headed north and east and up by some tracks. I led that small pack along here, but fell behind as another Split as I went on into a tunnel on tracks. Returning I was following and watched them disappear heading east of Halsted on Chicago. Over the river was a turn arrow north, I followed this but never found another mark and everyone was now out of sight. I thought  of another possible Back Check and worked that intersection and nothing. So I headed south for a few blocks and eventually picked up on trail at Kingsbury by a little park where trail left a river walk. I followed it through an alley and gangway and back to Kingsbury and the hares arrows didn't always point towards the next arrow. I ran straight down to the river and nothing. But I saw False Advertising coming along and we sort of grouped together and eventually found trail and I couldn't quite keep up as he came in FRB. Damn. if I didn't run towards the river and instead ran south on Kingsbury, I might have been FRB. Eventually everyone started coming on in. Back Door Bizzle was there with his dog and did a short bit of the trail before returning. But to his credit, he ran all the way to the start. Steps In Shit and Its Too Soft were still missing and circle was started by False Advertising. Finally Steps In Shit arrives and at last, last, Dead Fucking Last, Its Too Soft. In circle I was called out for my upcoming birthday with a box of donuts, a balloon and a musical candle. Thanks to Construction Junction for letting the world know how damn old I'm getting. We also had a few groupies show up that didn't run and left early. Good time.


The Tale of the Trail

Tue Oct 6 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin hared from Skinner Park, for the usual suspects, 7 trail Hounds. We took off thorough the park and to the south and then east. Trail got near the Expressway and a Check that might have gotten us over to the U of I campus, but no, dam sneaky hare. Trail went north and even though I was feeling good and running well, I was falling behind. I finally got to Randolph and saw False Advertising for the last time. We both headed west at a Check and he finally crossed the street to the south. Bye bye. I went north and no marks. Circling around I went east and finally saw a mark and Lower Wackoff. Heading north for a few blocks and Lower Wackoff was falling behind. Then I missed a mark and he yelled out to me. West. So I paralleled for a few blocks and no marks. Heading south I finally picked up on trail and it was a few alleys and such as we again approached Randolph again. Around the block and back across Randolph to Lake Street. Kept looking for Lower Wackoff but didn't see him. Kept going west on Lake and finally south to this big park by Ashland. And we still headed south to a big 6 corner intersection and another Check. Having gotten off the Ashland bus here, I had seen what turned out to be the first mark from that check. A short time later I was back at the park where the pack had gathered in the shadows. Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys, Lifa, False Advertising, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend. Good trail and a good run for me. We circled there in a nice evening for about an hour.

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash, A pick up hash. Found out about it at about 5:00pm. Jonquil ParkDecided to just rush over and set the trail. Emailed Garmin about that and left. He met me at the park and told me that the GM, Sanding Ovation wanted it to stay a Pick Up Hash ad so he raced over to stop me. WTF. So we hung around for an hour before the pack gathered and Back Door Bizzle was  picked to hare. That left Garmin, J. Adam, Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys and Horn-E. After a short start, we took off after him and he managed to stay ahead of us. Well, a Check every block for seven blocks and he had his good start. And somewhere along here J Adam did a header and had some bloody knees. He needs a naming. Anyway, we finally got past that seventh Check and a Back Check that got me and we ended up in a park about a block west and north of Diverey and Ashland. The hare stopped in a 7/11 and picked up some beer and we had a beer stop. After that no one had any enthusiasm to start haring and so we were stuck with a 1.5 mile walk back and our short circle in the park

Sat Oct 10, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Lifa hared from Humboldt Park near Division and California. Hash of the week as we had a good turnout of 11 hounds. Motorcycle gangs, bicycle gangs, loud music, it was like a hash in Mexico. We took off to the north and quickly caught Slit Digger and Just Brad and Stiffy 4 Stiffies on a Back Check and False Advertising and Horn-E got ahead. Local knowledge. But they quickly blew past us and we weaved back and forth to the north and Armitage. Here we back runners saw then heading west and back into the park and we were able to short cut towards the leaders. This is about where I last saw Zone 2. We found trail and headed west to the big field house and then north. Again falling behind, I saw Slit Digger heading east across Armitage and everyone else following him. He headed north on Humboldt and we were into city streets. Under 606 we headed west and a Back Check and up onto 606. I was near the front along here. We crossed a bridge and another Back Check and then west. Near the end of 606 we came down to street level and through a small playground. Again we struggled at a Check and Slit Digger ranged and was gone. I headed south in an alley. Nothing. Lower Wackoff was on the next street to the east and yelled On. Proud of finding the trail he ran on and on and False. Damn. So now we headed west and were on and suddenly joined by Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend who arrived late but finally caught us. We're now running south and then west and a little loop and I almost caught up. And then at a Check at Armitage. I almost caught up again. The trail was marked south and Stiffy 4 Stiffies blew by me. I thought Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle were behind me, but I never saw them again. I screwed up a Back Check and went around the wrong block. Getting back on trail I ran east to the park and from there it was just running through the park, alone. I was finally called near the Beer Stop and short cut this ball field. And there was everybody. Damn. After beer we returned to where we started and circled in this big field. And suddenly Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys showed up. Late. Ran part of the trail and now we had 11 hounds. Circle was held, Big Dog style and we enjoyed the warmth of the sun.

Sun. Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Lifa laid trail from the home of Urine Love. There was a large gathering, but only half went out on trail, Nine trail hounds and the hare. And ten groupies stayed on the roof deck basking in the sun. Hell, at first it looked like a decent crowd. This was to be a Marathon sort of trail, Yeah. long straightaways. 2.64 miles. We did mix it up a bit with Checks and Falses and Back Checks and finally onto Lincoln where we stayed all the way to Irving Park. By here I was running behind. Really behind. Dr. Cockvorkian found the Check but it was False, and so while I ranged, they found the pack south on Damen and were gone. I never saw them until just before the beer stop. Trail went south and then after a Back Check the pack went a block west and south, across Belmont and to this large park. I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch just before Belmont, ranging from the last Check. We guessed right and he led me into the Beer Stop. And there was the whole pack which also included False Advertising, Bottom Wrangler, Cockholm Syndrum, Back Door Bizzle, J. Parth and O Brother What Art ...Ow, and DFL, Horn-E.

The Tale of the Trail

Wed. 30 Sep 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from, surprise, his roof deck. And well done Its Too Soft. He received some bad news that day that his father passed on. And he still got the trail done. Well done. And the sympathies from all of your hash friends.

He said something about 4 miles, but GPS doesn't lie. Well, except mine which usually shuts off half way through the trail. But we had a nice  group of 6 trail hounds that sort of stayed together until it didn't and got scattered and went way past Wrigley and out to the lakefront. I really started falling behind at a long Check on Clark and south of Wrigley, but I was with them as they surged north and were soon gone. Eventually that part of the trail came back to the Addison red line and then east to a Check at Halsted. Not marked, I ranged to the south and then east and suddenly there was Lifa working on a Check. That ended up going west and he and Garmin disappeared to the south and eventually that damn loop to the lakefront. I kept checking south and finally found trail at Belmont and Broadway. I was On and in front until Lifa finally cught me as I exited an alley. It was a short loop north and then on to Diversey and On In. Soon the rest of the pack arrived including Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black guys. And a short circle was held on the roof as usual.                     

Thu Oct 1, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Pink Dress Hash. Gay Dancer hared from 1300 W. Wolfram, a little park with a small gazebo. We were dressed in our finest Pink Dresses. Well, some of us were. And Garmin had the best dress for this show. There were eight trail hounds, an extremely low turnout for this event. But we took off to the north and a quick Check. This took quite a while to resolve before heading north a few blocks and a Triple Check. This was also troublesome. By the time I headed in the right direction the pack was gone and I ended up running right past a mark right in the middle of some painted marks. Finally got that right, only it was wrong and I was joined by Just Lee and we went two blocks straight east and no marks. Somehow that straight line was actually a Split and the right turn was missing. J. Lee eventually found it and he was off and there was no way I could keep up. Got to a Check at Halsted and Diversey and headed south, and south, and south until I picked up on trail at Fullerton, This led me on a short trail straight up Lincoln to Wrightwood and a Shot Stop. Yeah, first one in the Covid era. Don't miss them. My body shuts down and it takes me a long time to get back going again and by that time the pack is long gone and all I could do was follow. Back at the finish we had a short circle and ended with good old Swing Low. There would be a continuation on line on Sat. of the circle. 

Fri. Oct. 2, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lifa hare from Brands Park at 3259 N. Elston. We had 7 hounds for this trail and we took off to the east. A short river trail and out on Belmont where a Back Check allowed me to catch the pack. We then headed over to a Check at Western. This one had us scattered for a bit before we got on track on Clybourn and then some alleys to Western and over the river and to Elston and a Check. I got lucky here and found the third mark and trail down an alley and I was gone. Blew right through a Back Check/Split and racing On. Did I say racing. Well, for me I was really moving that night and I blew through the next Check and a Split before I finally got caught at a Back Check Split and I went the wrong way. Damn. Don't like that mark. Anyway, I was now with Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. We ran on and came to another Check that caused us some shit. Happens a lot sometimes. At this point Magnetic Muff joined us. We ran on and found ourself at another Check at Logan Square. Damn. Bert Special Friend was soon gone and the three of us ran on and finally caught him at a Check at Kedzie. I want the wrong way, east, but on a mark. Finally returned to Kedzie and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing on Belmont heading east. I followed and this finally got me into the beer stop. It was about 5 more minutes before Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam and Stuffin' Muffin rambled on in. We finally went back to the start and held a nice short circle.    

Sun. Oct 4, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Dryrofoam hared from Gross Park at 2709 W. Lawrence. It was a beautiful day for a hash. Nice sun and just cool enough for a refreshing run. Unfortunately only 5 hounds took advantage of the great day. Dryrofoam laid a trail with the biggest arrows I ever saw on trail. You could follow that trail even if you were as blind as Horn-E is deaf. With our city taking great care of its citizens, the local facilities were closed as usual (idiots) and the first porta potty on trail had a long line. By the time we got going again, the trail had devolved into the Fast, Half Assed and the Dead Lasts. Just Brad was not seen again by me. Garmin was last seen when he returned to mark a Check on Western. And Lifa blew past me after going the wrong way on a Check. So, I was in back with Back Door Drizzle and eventually he ran down an alley that I knew was a loop. I never saw him come out and thought I got ahead. But no. He was ahead. Helps when you have a dog pulling you. So I ran on over Brown Line tracks and over the River and finally back on Lawrence, a short block or so from the finish. Nope. North with a little park running and then through a campus. Finally I came up to Back Door Bizzle. Damn, he was a head of me. We ran on and crossed Foster. Would we keep going north to Bryn Mawr. No. Just an alley paralleling Foster and over the river and soon some alleys and such to the On In. And there we all gathered for a circle. All six of us and not a single Harriet. And well done to the few Harrietts that are coming out consistently. All three or four of them. Is this were the Chicago Hash dissolves into obscurity with less attendance that even the monthlies are getting. And on a beautiful day too. We held circle and sang some good songs and told some tall hash tales. Good time.  
The Tale of the Trail
Sun. Sep 27, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Pulaski Park, for a grand total of 7 hounds. At least we had one Harriett. We took off to the south and Glory Hole took the lead with his dog. With that dog pulling me, I could lead too. Anyhow we got to Division and a Check. I went left, wrong. But Cockholm Syndrum and Pony Pounder went across the street and left and were on to the north along the EXPY and coming out at another Check at Augusta. Soul Taco followed them and I was right behind her. Trail then went straight east and over the footbridge and after two more blocks, a Check. Several hounds were ahead of me and they went south. But they weren't on yet, I think. so I went north and found nothing and only followed then to the next Check where I ran into several hounds lost and Checking. They found trail to the south and into a side street heading east. Here I made a bad decision and since I was at a Split I decided to head east on the Split and run parallel to them. Then I saw a runner way ahead and thought it was Pony Pounder. It wasn't. Damn. The hare pulled a nice, sneaky loop and back to Ogden and over the EXPY. By the time I found this, they were long gone. So I just followed trail and often Splits that were marked and finally there were no marks. Damn. So I ranged and finally picked up trail in an alley just off of Ashland. That lasted a few blocks until another Check. This time at Division. I guessed wrong and eventually gave up and headed ON IN only to find half the pack waiting, Soul Taco, Back Door Bizzle and False Advertising. A few minutes later the FRBs showed up, Glory Hole, Pony Pounder and Cockholm Syndrum. They also gave up. WTF. Anyone we eventually held a laid back circle led by False Advertising on a beautiful afternoon. Where were the hasher of old.

Swing Low and ON ON Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Sep. 17, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Back Door Bizzel hared from under the Red Line tracks between Buena and Montrose for 5 trail hounds and three walkers who just followed the Hare on parts of the course. But at least one of the walkers was a Harriet. Wow, is TH3 allowing Harriets now? We headed north to Buena and then off east and over to Lincoln Park. While falling behind early I caught Its Too Soft under the tunnel to the park as he was checking out a Split. Trail went south to Irving Park and then back west. After a block Garmin was seen heading south on a Split and we followed and soon the pack was together with Just Adam and Cockholm Syndrum and a Check. We head west and two blocks later we ran into the hare and walkers and we were on a Back Check. That brought us all to Broadway and I headed north to check it out. The trail went south, the only other possibility. Duh! So I headed west to parallel the pack and look for them coming north. They didn't. But finally I ran into a mark coming out of an alley. A one foot line, consistent with many of the marks the hare laid. West, East, North, nothing. So I figured it was just the second mark off of a Check. Not. Damn. So I headed west to the red line and then north and finally found the On In mark at Irving Park. Well, I waited and waited and waited and finally they can walking on in. They were at a beer stop at the hare's wife's business. But we partied on and Garmin led circle and no Swing Low. What is this shit. For those that miss it, it is below. And we partied on and on. The walkers were Ice Princess, Construction Junction and Famming Flaggot.

Fri. Sep. 18, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Athletic Field Park at 3546 W. Addison. Wow, 40% of attendance were Harriets. Welcome ladies. You are rare these days. We took off to the north and an immediate Check. Well, that got me. I knew were the trail went, having seen it on the way there. But I decided to play the game and ended up going all around the field, following first Magnetic Muff and then Lifa and finally finding the On In mark before getting on trail and getting to those marks I knew about. And that was a Check at a Hone Depot parking lot entrance. I ended up working my way to the SE corner and as I approached I heard an ON ON. I got there with Mudsucker and found a mark and I was off to the south and eventually following Berts Special Friend. Magnetic Muff joined me and passed me. We ended up going west after a Split and eventually she missed a mark and I saw Berts Special Friend and we took off down an alley. Back on streets heading west there was a Triple Split and i got second choice and I was right, right down an alley. When I finally found a mark I yelled on and they were after me. The next decision mark was a Check. I kept going west and saw a mark that looked like it went into a church area behind a locked fence. Thinking it did and the gate was open when the hares went by, I ran around the Church, A long way. Nothing. So I decided that the trail was probably to my right, but heading north and so I headed north and at Addison, there was a mark. Whoppie. So I cross the street and head north on marks on an angle street. Thought Meat Inside Her might be ahead, but I never saw anyone ahead or behind me after that. I ran on, turned south and to a Check. Got that right away and back on the angle street and into a tunnel of trees and to Pulaski. From here it was under tracks and highway and to a Check. Things finally go wrong. It looked like someone marked the Check with a candy wrapper straight east. After a block, nothing. Across the street, nothing. Damn. I was on the wrong side of the street from the Check on. So I ranged and picked up trail after a Beer Stop that I just missed. I was soon back at the start and waited 25 minutes before Lifa finally came on in. That was probably my best running in years and my damn GPS turned off half way. Damn. We held circle and just finished in time for me to catch the last Addison bus home. Others on trail were Stuffin' Muffin and Meanage A Twat. And no Swing Low. In case you forgot the words, they are listed below.

Sat. Sep. 19, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from Linnie Woods in Morton Grove. We had eight hounds and three were Harriets, more then TH3 and CH3 put together. And we're the Men's hash. WTF. We started out to the south and into bush right away. This led to the bridge over the river on Dempster. Then the trail headed south on tracks and back into Bush. We had a quick Check at the edge of a steep slope towards river level. And I got Lower Wackoff on that one with only two marks. By then everyone was on and eventually back down towards river level and into thick weeds and under brush. The main pack ran on and I held back with Lower Wackoff. He finally got ahead and somehow I missed him and ran on. Trail came out of this river level trail and up to a prairie level with a hill in the middle. This area was full of tall weeds full of yellow flowers and up to about 10 feet high. I warned the pack to be careful and not damage the flowers and I could not see where they went through the flowers. Great. They took many pictures. I came out of this and ran on and back towards river level and down a long path into trees. And I get there just as part of the pack is returning from finding only two marks on a check. Meat Inside Her was leading followed by Berts Special Friend and then Slit Digger, etc. They crossed the foot bridge and headed west along a path and along the rivers edge. I followed Back Door Bizzel along here and the path eventually merged with another path and a well placed Back Check and four hounds were returning from the Back Check just as Lower Wackoff caught up. Just the way it is supposed to work. This led into the deep woods and almost crawling level stuff and tall weeds and such until we came out at the path that is the On In. This part the pack I was now with included Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff, and Just Do Me Slowly. Hey, I just got everyone named. Anyway, back at the B, Slit Digger eventually found the beer and the pack went for their own beer and chairs and such and we sat in deep woods looking over the river below and held our circle until we couldn't think of anymore accusations. Sang Swing Low and headed to the cars. Some managed to stick around in the sun for another hour or so.

Sun. Sep. 20, 2020, 2:00PM, The Chicago Hash. Crash Test Dummy hared from 4342 N. Bernard. We had 13 trail hounds on this trail and we actually had our first Harriet at the start in weeks. Whoopie. Come on back out ladies. Hashing is still pretty much the same and still fun. Anyhow, this was a short simple trail. I started out right behind Stockholm Syndrome and on to a Split. I went wrong and found myself following Double Meter Beater. Yeah. like that would last. We went north and then some zig zag east and north and then south and east and then north and east and finally came to a little park and through it. Then the trail really got straight. Up to this point I had followed Sanding Ovation and then Back Door Bizzel caught up and then I ran on and caught up to Stuffin Muffin and left him behind and still followed Sanding Ovation as we headed north. But at the little park, she kept going north. I called on, but she didn't follow. So it became Stuffing Muffin and myself heading south in an alley until we hit Montrose and a big park. As we ran on into the park we suddenly saw Double Meter Beater doubling back due to a Back Check and guess what. I was right there and following him back on trail and onto Cullum. Well eventually most of the rest of the pack followed me and passed me and we ran on Cullum and Cullum and Cullum and we now have Cullum as he new Elston. Straight on and on until the alley leading us back to the start/finish. Eventually Double Meter Beater led us in circle. By then the hare had left and so did two hounds including our only Harriet. But we still had our slum lord RumpleStealsKids. She was the one way over there behind the mask and the hares stunt liver. Eventually it ended and again, no Swing Low. Pathetic. Well, it is below, hum it.  

Swing Low and ON ON
ON ON andHorn-E


The Hash Hymn - sung world wide at the conclusion of hashes and for the hearing impaired.

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home. (chorus)

I looked over Jordan and what did I see, cuming four two carry me home,
A band of Angels cuming after me, cuming four two carry me home,

If you get there, before I do, cuming four two carry me home,
Tell all my friends, I'm cuming two, cuming four two carry me home,

Some times the chorus is followed by humming and silent verses.



The Tale of the Trail
Sat Sep 12, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, False Advertising hared from Evans Field, wrongly called Jerome Hubbert Woods because of mis communication between the hare and Horn-E. Sorry Stuffin Muffin who arrived late but actually caught some of us on trail and led us. So there were 6 on trail eventually. We started east and then north in a tiny section of woods and immediately lost the trail. I went back to last mark and found trail heading over some grass and into the woods. At the bottom of a little slope was wet lands and a Turkey Eagle Split. Eagle was into the wet lands, actually dry but swamp grasses and razor grass and elephant grass, Hell, it was so high it would take a giraffe to eat from the top. A tall giraffe. And there were some grasses knocked down and a slight trail with traces of flour here and there. The most fun section of trail I ran all year. This was starting out to be the best trail of the year. But it was right after the swamp where the hare dropped his flour and lost half of it to water. So the marks got slight and hidden and mixed up. I led for another hundred yards of good woods before a lost trail. Hooch B4 Cooch and Lifa passed me here and I was stuck struggling to pull 357 burrs out of the hair on my knee and then everyone passed me. But I ran on and eventually found my way out of deep woods and to a path behind everyone else. And this path led back to a real wide path and back to the start. Now that wasn't right. And some of the pack were returning to find trail and where we screwed up. Yep, we missed a False. And so we back tracked and came to the Check and started looking. I lost everyone and wandered through all sorts of paths and deep woods, sometimes seeing two or three marks and then losing trail. Eventually I saw Lifa ahead. He was on some sort of trail, but lost it. Well, he ranged on and eventually headed towards a known path. I kept working that area and finally found the trail and lost it, found it, lost it, found it, lost it. Well, this went on and on. Eventually I found a path and was on trail and running well until I finally came up on Lower Wackoff and Stuffin Muffin, going the the other way, like towards me. I looked around and saw a mark off trail and the three of us were on with Stuffin Muffin leading. About five minutes later we were looking for trail and I realized that this was where I ran into Lifa earlier. I big freakin' loop. I told them and they wanted to run on. At this point I said enough and headed back. They lasted about five to ten minutes before they realized why I wouldn't follow. That trail was almost impossible. So they also returned. We held a Big Dog circle and sang The Hash Hymn. Sweet Low, and soon headed home, muddy but satisfied. Maybe if the hare didn't lose half of his flour.

Sun Sep 13, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess was the scheduled hare, with a maybe start at Kaseys. Then on Sat I got word that the location changed to Redmonds where they were having a closing party, busted by to much Carona and other bull shite. And there would be a co hare of Silent But Deadly. Ten hounds managed to show up. All men for the third hash in a row. Don't Chicago Area Harriets run any more. Anyhow we took off under the El tracks and down to Belmont, through an alley and then west for a few blocks and back to Belmont for three long straight blocks. Then we were north on Southport to just past the El Tracks and back to the start. Less the 2.5 miles and 30 minutes. Hooch B4 Cooch led a laid back circle and along came a Harriet. No, not a Chicago Harriet. But soon to be. A transplant. Didn't get her name, but welcome.

 Swing Low and On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Sep 1, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash, Lower Wackoff hared from Eckhart Park for 7 hounds. If anything can go wrong, it will. The ground was a little wet, but most marks were there. Except when they weren't. I got there a little late and they were already gone, but I ran into them at Milwaukee and Augusta. There is a foot bridge over the Expressway and that is where trail went. Right after that there was a Check right after a railroad threstle. By the time I got there, Lifa and Some Crappy Name were gone. I almost went the right way, back under the trestle on the other side of the street. But the rest of us then spent a real long time looking north, east and south and never a third mark. I ranged the correct way again and went around the whole several blocks and no marks. Missed the flour on trees, but in my defense, the turn mark was missing. Rain??? I finally ran north on another street and again, nothing. Crossed Milwaukee and ranged and this time I spotted a Split. Don't know how trail got there, but I was ON and I called out to the pack, but wasn't sure if anyone heard me. Ran straight on Milwaukee and finally got to a Check at a massive six corner intersection. And I guessed right, Ogden. Not on the right side, but I crossed the street and there was the second mark. Headed over the bridge and found more marks. At the bottom of the hill is a road and there was a left/straight Split, but I somehow missed it and dodged between traffic and ran on to a False. So, not seeing the Split even running back on trail I'm thinking only a False from the Check. Ran into Garmin and Berts Special Friend and marked that trail False and we returned to the Check corner. We found nothing and it was getting late after spending so much time on that other Check, Berts Special Friend, Its Too Soft and myself decided to call it and head back on Chicago Ave to the start. Lifa already did that. Meanwhile Just Do Me Slowly calls the hare and he tells her where the trail goes from that Check. So she and Some Crappy Name head on the true trail, where I found that False, and saw that False I marked and gave up. When does Horn-E ever manage to get ahead and find a False and mark it, Never, And when he does, he gets it wrong. There was a Split and the False was off the Split and not the Check. Damn shadows and bright spots. So we held our circle and all was good and the hare can use that trail again.                  .    

Thu. Sep 3, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park for 15 hounds. We had four virgins for this trail and only lost half of them. Well, two left early or something and were long gone when circle started. Just KP and Just Tim. We started NE through the park and a quick Check and guess who found it. Yeah, this old fart. Headed into an alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies quickly took the lead and we were off through alleys and a Back Check. And I almost found this trail again, but I was right behind Rusty Grundle. Trail headed west across Western and streets and alleys and past this little freedom park and some confusion and then west to a Check. I headed west and soon found myself where the third mark was and Just Tim was returning to yell on for the pack. We ran on to the bridge over the river and they were coming back from a Back Check. The FRBs started heading north and west when I decided to check the other side of the street on the bridge and there was a mark in the shadows. I'm on and in front again. We headed over the bridge and with angle streets along the river we had some back and forth and finally on west and south.  We're heading to a park and sure enough a BN. Suddenly there was an arrow up the hill and there was the hare with beer. Some of us started to take off and we crossed the river and came to a T and E Split. I opted for the T, thinking this was just a short little loop and didn't know I would miss the infamous river path in the dark. So on the T trail I was first into the finish just as the hare got there with beer. Those that took the E trail found a trail in pitch dark along the river. Fun. Rusty Grundle eventually led us in a  circle and officially we met our two remaining virgins, Just Janet and Just Kate and we hung out for a bit in the dark.

Fri. Sep 4, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Peterson Park for 9 hounds. Trail headed sw through the park and then through the area of condos and parking lots. Falling behind a bit I finally ran with Berts Special Friend through that area and he left me behind. I caught a short cut thanks to the hare and headed out of the building complex and found a Check. but I was right on it and eventually headed west on Bryn Mawr and then in a area of single family homes and alleys and such finally coming out near a factory zone and another Check. I went north and found two marks, but nothing else, Returning the pack was finally catching up. I now went south and they went west through some parking lots and such and they were ON. Meanwhile I was paralleling and finally came to the abandoned Railroad right of way heading into La Bagh Woods. And there was a Split. I went west and was wrong, So I was following to the south on the path and running in the dark as my eyes adjusted and I was actually gaining on those ahead with flashlights. Finally came to the Bridge and several hounds were returning saying there were no marks. Had to be. We returned and found a Check. I headed East in the park and on a paved path and found marks  and this eventually led to the third mark and a Split. I went south and was wrong or right as I missed a turn. Returning I was now behind some hounds and missed their turn to the south on the next block or alley or wherever. I ran on with no marks figuring I was on a parallel course and finally headed south at this park and found Lifa and trail. We ran through this park and eventually I catch up to Berts Secial Friend, Lifa, Meat Inside Her and we run some alleys and such and finally out on Foster heading to this college campus and the various paths going through there. And two short cutting walkers came along, Scent Of A Man and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. I passed them and soon I was running into that same park we started from. And then I missed a mark and wandered all over looking for the Beer Stop. Here we held circle and finally left at 10:00, park closing time. Menage A Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were also on trail. Well, so was Its Too Soft. He had to take a Peterson Bus and two Els out of the Green Zone and it took him 7 and a half hours and he arrived late. But he did head out with his lawn chair and his torch and found trail until it left the apartment complex and he called it and found the beer stop. Well done Muff.

Sun Sep 6, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Complimentary Nuts and I'm Fucking Nuts hared from 1764 W. Winnemac, their new apartment, for 10 hounds. This was a short trail and I fell behind early and was struggling trying to keep up. We went NE from the start, crossing Ashland and up Clark and then worked our way west to Ravenswood. As we were heading west, Scent Of A Man was just ahead of myself, Its Too soft and Back Door Bizzle. He made that last turn to the north and I saw the FRBs straight west and I led those other two on a quick short cut. Picked up an trail and in an alley. Eventually fell behind Its Too Soft and we went through the tunnel under the tracks and west to Damen. As I got to Damen and Foster, I saw a Check and it was marked south, twice. So I went South. After a block I saw Its Too Soft and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys heading back. Well, hell. This is at the edge of a park and here is a path into the park. If that Check was marked wrong, time to start heading into the park. I did, Then didn't. About three minutes later I found the hare and the FRBs drinking beer in the middle of the shiggy natural area. Another five minutes before the rest of the pack manager to go back to the Check and find the B. After we headed back to the hares beautiful deck and sat around and Lifa eventually led us in circle. All was good.

On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail

Thu. Aug 20, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction hared an A to B trail from Levitt and Augusta. We had 10 hounds on trail in the light. We ended up in some real dark. They had just taken off as I arrived and It was about 3 miles before I caught up to two walkers coming out of an alley. Hmmm, what were they doing alone in the alley. Oh yeah, following trail. A damn short loop. But it was nice to see someone after running alone for so long. It was well swept but the front end of the pack must have really been solving those Checks. A short time later I came up to some more of the pack, and we sort of mixed it up at a Check and followed on into the finish. I arrived at this park alone and I figured it had to be in there somewhere. But we are really talking dark and I follow the arrows until I see a group of people sitting on some bleachers. It was dark enough that I wasn't even sure it was the hash. Eventually I recognized a few and all so many new hashers. Eventually Hooch B4 Cooch called a circle on some paved area and about ten minutes later the lights started to come on and we could actually see each other. Of course as usual I can't hear them behind masks and talking with their inside voices, but circle was held. After circle we hung around for quite a while. Decent trail and you never heard that here. 

Fri Aug 21, 2020 The First Crack of the Moon Hash Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Jonquil Park at Wrightwood, Lincoln & Sheffleid. We had 8 trail hounds and they took off to the west, the fast pack, the half asted pack and the last pack. Trail went west and south and through De Paul and around some angled streets and back to the park. There were a lot of loops for some good short cutting opportunities, but I think they got to spread out to take advantage. And there were two points on trail were the On Out trail was right across the street from the On Back trail and no one found that On Back On Out, But that might have been a great short cut catch up for some slow hounds. We ended up drinking in the park and circling there. The idea of coming here was to try to get into a nearby beer garden at Tapster. By the time tables were onen most were ready to head on and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly stayed in the park. And so two non runners (yeah, they're starting to come back out) went to the beer garden and they tried ten different Craft beers before we had to leave. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but didn't work out in practice. So back to parks, yards and alleys as long as the weather holds out. Then what, I have no idea. Dam lockdown.

Sun Aug 23, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from 2201 Campbell parkway. We had 10 trail hounds including 3 virgins, J, Kate, J. Even and J. James and one bimbo on her first Covid hash, Choke and Stroke. That left just 6 regular Covid hashers, as in those that are coming around these days during lockdown. Trail headed straight north for 3.5 blocks. 3,5 blocks???. But after a quick zig and zag we ended up at a Check by a little park. Choke and Stroke found this shortly after I got there which put me from Dead Fucking last to just ahead of Lower Wackoff as the pack headed north and west and the two of us tried to keep them in sight. Then we headed south west and the trail went left, right, left, right etc, by some empty fields allowing Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to short cut across fields and almost keep them in sight. Trail went around this hill and then south to the Eisenhower Expy and a foot bridge over the Expy. As I came down the steps I noticed the pack ahead in the next block but not going anywhere. Hooch B4 Cooch indicated a Check and I looked down and lo and behold, there is an arrow, I yelled that out and headed west looking for the next two. By the time I spotted the third arrow the pack was already following. It always feels good when an old slug like myself can occasionally solve a Check. But leading was short lived as Hooch B4 Cooch finally passed me. We then headed south past this park for a few blocks and the most of the rest of the pack passed me. Another Check or was it a Split and we were heading east and under some tracks. Now here things got confusing. Suddenly hashers were returning towards me and then heading north on some side street. Someone was calling Hooch B4 Cooch back but then he saw something and headed east. Hmmm. I followed him and sure enough, there was a mark coming from the north and heading east. We stumbled onto a short cut and were heading on to Western. Here was an arrow heading south and I took it. A block later the trail went back west and I looked and no one was following me, Huh!! A long story short, I ran a long block west, further south, a long block back east and across western. Further south and east and a Triple check. And all this while I kept looking for someone to follow and on one was following. Huh!!! So I worked the Split and finally going north in an alley with an S turn I see some of the pack, way the hell to the north and looking like they were Checking. They were. It was a Beer Near Check. As best as I can figure from others, Lifa ranged across Western, found the Beer Near and the pack followed while I did a whole loop that they missed. I finally came into the finish and apparently just beat Lower Wackoff and for that long stretch I thought I was in front. Damn. Shit happens. So we held circle and laid back and cooled off in the shade and an occasional breeze.

On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Aug 13, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Steps In Shit laid trail from 1606 S. Allport. We had a pack of 9 hounds including 3 virgins thanks to J. James. Do that again and we'll definitely have to get you a name. The virgins were Just Alyce, Just Trisha and Just Mo. And I heard they did a good job sniffing out scent on trail. To bad Horn-E didn't or he could have witnessed all of that. Yeah, as usual I got a slow start and fell behind even faster. But shortly after the first Check, Garmin had to pass me for the second time. When an FRB has to pass a DFL several times on a trail, the hare must be doing something right. And from what I saw, the hare was mixing things up good. Anyhow I lost the pack at the second Check. From a block behind I misjudged where I thought I saw the pack go. Meanwhile they went down an alley and two blocks later they had a Triple Split that was giving them fits. I might have caught up there.  For your information. At Checks the first mark is often across the street and down a block and not easy to find. Don't like that myself, but that is the way it is being done. When there is a Split and marks point down the block on the same side of the street, it is an arrow and the arrows say the only directions possible. But never across the street. That is a separate trail and needs an arrow pointing across the street. It is just the way we do things here. The hare now understands and all is good. Anyhow, while I was running in circles at the last Check, the pack finally found that one and moved ON. Then I got there and went through the same things they did. only I had to do all of the options and more then once before figuring out what happened. From there the trail went to the plaza of statues and not a rioter in sight. But another Check. I didn't really figure this one out and eventually ranged east and north and suddenly I was at another Check. WTF. Well, I didn't really solve this but found myself on marks again and came to a Split. Again guessing wrong I came to 19th Street. I figured that the real trail had to go east from that last Split so I headed east for a few blocks. Nothing. Crossed the street and there was an arrow pointing west. From here it was a short way On In. And I was almost first, but Just Parth twisted an ankle and beat me in. About five minutes later the pack came rolling on in. Others on trail were Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Lifa who led a good circle from his perch on high.

Sat. Aug 15, 2020 The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail for nine Hounds from Cumberland and Irving Park. Even when I arrive earlier then normal, I still run out of time and I did again. but more on that Hare f*ck up later. Stashed the beer in the woods and returned to the start to lay trail. Headed south into the woods and through a tunnel of tree branches into a field of prairie grasses some over seven feet high and thick. Trail was laid in TP tied to higher branches. As I was laying this, I was walking down a barely there path with one foot + grasses overflowing the path. Suddenly about ten feet in front of me I see a fox running away on the path. Closet encounter I ever had in the woods with a local meat eater. But on through woods until a Check on what used to be a long wide path, now over run with fallen trees. Laid a long False here that they missed at first, and the pack sort of regrouped. Meanwhile Stiffy 4 Stiffies was long gone on the correct trail. The next adversity was two large trees blocking a path and requiring the pack to do some crawling under them for about 20 feet. We're now running along the gold course. with Lower Wackoff pulling up the rear. And there was a Back Check that worked perfectly for him as he joined Magnetic Muff, J. Kelsey and Just Do Me Slowly and they headed into this huge area of wide open forest with great options to run while jumping over logs and such. At the far end was a Check and the FRBs, were there struggling over the Falses. Worked great and the pack headed south and eventually west and finally back to a path, with another back Check. I finally caught up to a bunch of the pack at a Check they were struggling with. Good. Regroup again. They kept going in the right direction, left, and left, but not far enough. I finally gave a hint to Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin and they were soon off and running. Some nice path and then back into some fairly open woods. This came to the local creek and when I laid trail through the tall grasses I found a big log over the creek. So it would be easy, And then came along Lower Wackoff followed by Just Do Me Slowly. And the chivalrous bastard stopped and waited for her to cross, giving her a hand. If the women have the Balls to run with the Bushman, they can handle water crossings themselves. Part of out founding principals. Anyway, it was path running on in. At the local bridge there was a mark pointing across the bridge and along a narrow path, but Lifa ran down the wide path seeing marks on trees. Eventually he figured out that they were old marks. Love it. And last month I tripped on a root on a path along here. Banged my knee and drew blood. Lower Wackoff found that same root and bit the dust. Along here I figured I had enough time to get in to the finish on time when I was laying trail, but then forest overgrowth got in the way and I had to tie on a lot of TP that put me behind. Then I over ran the beer stop and had laid an extra mark before going back and finding the beer stop. My error. I didn't correct for that, but just put up some more TP for the turn into the beer stop. Stiffy 4 Stiffies found that flour and kept going and completely missed the beer stop. "Hang the hare." But I was already late and as I ran towards the start, I was met by the pack that had already taken off. Good, but I couldn't let them know about the fucked up mark. Damn. We had a nice short circle and then returned to where the cars were parked and found Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Another circle and then left just as the downpour hit. Also on trail were Steps In Shit and Some Crappy Name.                      
Sun Aug 16, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Dickens Cider hared for 11 hounds from 2809 W. Logan Blvd. We took off in dribbles and drabs, or short packs of two or three. I was off in the first dribble of Styroporn and Pony Pounder and Zone 2 was DFL as the last drab. In between were Hooch B4 Cooch who passed me Just before Logan Square Circle and Soul Taco just before the finish. Also in the middle were various groupings of Steps In Shit, Cockholm Syndrum False Advertising, Garmin and a returning new comer, Just Allysa. So, what happened. We headed west and north with a nice twisting course with just enough Splits and Checks to give a challenge to small packs of 2 or 3. Along the way I was following our little group and saw a Split where Styroporn went straight and Pony Pounder went right. I didn't see him again until just before the alley trail on in. But I followed along until I got left behind and did some more checking on my own until Hooch B4 Cooch finally caught me. There was one part where the on out trail and an on back trail were literally across the street at an alley. As I was approaching this for the second time, I managed to see Hooch B4 Cooch heading into the first pass of this section. To far away to call out to him. After the trail we all circled and hung out scattered in the Parkway on Logan Blvd on a nice day, not to warm and an occasional breeze. False Advertising led us in a liad back circle.                
On On
Horn-E


Thu. Aug 6, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Dvorak Park at Cullerton and Carpennter. Would Son Of Spam come out of hiding. Well not for the hash, but he did stop by to mooch a few brews after the hash. As for myself, a series of CTA screw ups and yet I somehow managed to get to the Red Line stop at Cermak at 7:05. A bus was due at 7:10. It never came. The next one was due at 7:26 and I would only be a few minutes late. It never came. Finally after several screw up the next bus arrived at 7:41 and as fast as he was, it was still 7:46 before I got off of the bus. Bus tracker failure. I could have walked it that fast.  The pack was long gone. I found the start and no hare and I had a back pack and a chair for the circle. Ain't running with that shit. So I found some on in marks and started walking the trail backwards. No No instead of On On. But at least I was sort of on trail. I just kept going until I ran into the FRB and then I turned around and short cut back. Sucks, but you do what you can. After we all got in, we sat around for a few beers and a laid back circle. There were a total of nine hounds on trail including my short aborted effort. Meat inside Her, False Advertising,Its Too Soft, Garmin, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Some Crappy Name. J Parth, and Steps In Shit.

Sun Aug 9, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly hared from under the El at 937 W. Wrightwood. I was the first to arrive along with Just Brad. Soon we had a virgin, Just Alyssa and then the pack grew to nine hounds with J. Parth, Hooch B4 Cooch, Soul Taco, Steps In Shit, Garmin and Ball Cock Dumper. then the hare arrived. She soon had us off and running at about 2:15 or so. Within blocks the rest of the pack disappeared and a lot of the marks were marked leaving Horn-E and Ball Cock Dumper just plodding along on a simple trail through the local streets, We did manage a little bit of hashing with an unmarked Back Check and a Check that was marked in the wrong direction that gave us an opportunity for a little bit of checking. We finally came on in and stood under the noisy El tracks trying to carry on some conversations between trains. Eventually Feather came running in, from the direction of the On Out trail. I guess he got there after the premature start and never caught us and finally gave up and ran back on in.

On On
Horn-E

On On
Horn-E
Sat Aug. 1, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Stab 'em & Slab 'em & Reverend Shut The Fuck Up hared from 6530 S. University. We started out, late as normal and from the alley heading south. About 20 hounds but a large section of walkers. This is about those that ran. At least what I saw. We headed east past a few blips and finally under the Metra tracks. I was running second behind False Advertising and we headed north. Then he headed east into an alley. Great, we're heading towards the park. Not. I was running parallel and after a block he had no marks. So he went a half block north and looked like he headed east again. So I did. Last I saw of the pack or him for a while. No one showed up at Stoney Island. So I headed north and nothing, no arrows, block after block. I finally headed back west looking for the pack at the south side of the Midway Plaisance. About three or four blocks later I find an arrow heading north so I'm back on trail, behind as usual. I cross the Midway Plaisance and the trail headed east. And back to Stoney Island. If I stayed on Stoney Island I would have been FRB. But now I am ahead of damn few, but Stuffin Muffin. We head into the park and met up with others and finally headed into the island by the Chinese Garden. But no Beer Stop there this time. So we do get into a dirt path with many side trails and nice running through thick vegetation. We emerge at the far south end and a BN that was about a hundred yards west. Nice trail if I only made it all. Back at the back yard we settled into a very wide circle. It was so wide we had to mail Just Do Me Slowly her down downs. After that we had some good Brats burned to perfection by Reverend Shut The Fuck Up if you don't like them that way. Not really, they were good. And we settled into a laid back party shouting to each other as we were so far apart.

Sun Aug 2, 2020, The Chicago Hash. I Eat Dick & Gay Dancer hared from 4645 N. Magnolia in the back yard. I'd like to say how many hounds showed up, but that number would only be a guess. As I was walking to the start I bumped into Hooch B4 Cooch and he told we they took off at 2:10 and he was heading to a Check and maybe catch them. I had a chair and back pack with me. So I go on and there ended up being a few hounds who arrived counting on a normal 2:30 hash time, like last week. We finally took off at the NORMAL HASH START TIME. There were 6 of us. Stiffy 4 Stiffies took off and blew the rest of us away. That was easy because the trail was already swept by that first pack and so this would be mostly a run instead of a small hash. Should have been a decent sized hash of about 15. But we ran on and I fell behind. Suddenly I found myself just ahead of Just Parth and Steps In Shit. A block later and we had a Check at Montrose. Last I saw of them. Maybe with a larger pack I might have managed to stay with them and not miss the On call from Steps In Shit. So I circle and circle trying to solve that check. I finally did and it was just following marks and Splits and Checks already marked. Like a 5 mile trail. I'd have had as much fun staying home and running around the block 20 times. Definitely not hashing, just running a prescribed course. About the only thing different was running past the graffiti mob and their false propaganda and other B. S. I finally manage to run on into the finish and there is the whole pack, hanging around. Well, now at least I can finally have some fun conversation with friends. I poured myself a drink and about five minutes later a few sprinkles came and the whole hash disappeared. I haven't seen a disappearing act like that since the last time I watched a magician. Yeah, back in Vaudeville. There was nothing left to do except pack my bag back up, and leave. I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer, I'm sure that the trail was nice to run as a pack of fifteen if we were all able to start together like back in the old days of hashing. Alone it sucked. And then to have everyone leave so quick and suddenly, not your fault, but the worst hashing experience I've had since March. We really need to get back to one start time and sticking to it. The hash doesn't run as a pack, but solves trails as a pack and that is the fun of hashing.   

Mon Aug 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Garmin hared from Clarendon Park at Clarenden and Agatite for a pack of 10 hounds. It would turn out to be a nice trail with almost everything in the parks. Only a bunch of experienced hounds could possibly screw this up. And that is what we had for a major fucked up start. Thanks Horn-E (Also the hare and some drizzle in the area causing a relaying of trail and no sweep). As Horn-E is arriving from a bus stop, he spots an arrow going south in the park. Hmmm. Looks like an On In mark. It was. So he crosses the street and sees another mark going north. Hmmm. Must be an On Out mark. It wasn't. Ooops. What happened is the hare laid a trail about a block in the park, like an On In and then crossed the street and went back north. A nice little loop to fuck over the FRB. Here is where the mistake was made. As he turned the trail across the street, Instead of a turning arrow pointing back north, he laid a straight arrow, like crossing a T. Then a block away to the south he had a Split on the On Out trail. The part of the Split, pointing north went to that straight arrow and looked like we were on. And since Horn-E had seen that arrows, when Meat Inside Her couldn't find a mark, it only made sense for Horn-E to yell out to her to keep going, he had seen a mark earlier. Another thing for hares to consider is never having On In trails near an On Out trail, especially near a check or split. So she soon was on trail and we get to a Triple Split, the last Split before the finish. Hounds wander. And we check north and east, but not south because that would take us back to the start. Instead of running around like a pack of hounds we were running around like a flock of chickens with out heads cut off. Well except Its Too Soft who guarded the Check. Horn-E finally ranged very far north and finally found a mark, pointed south, the On In trail. WTF. So, to far away to get the pack, three blocks, he decided to run the trail backwards. Past Lawrence homeless village and into Lincoln Park, past Dogs Beach and eventually ran into Garmin relaying trail. Well, we finally figured out what happened and he ran off to find the pack and Horn-E continued running on a No No trail. This led to the bird Sanctuary where he lost trail, Running around it, he finally found the rest of the pack, finally on trail. Horn-E went on backwards. Hell he has been backwards all of his life so this is good. They ran on and eventually though the bird Sanctuary scaring birds everywhere nesting for the night as they followed Its Too Soft and his mega flashlight. We all ran on and finished our trails and settled into a laid back circle and some nice relaxation. And all was good.

Tue Aug 4, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Meat Inside Her hared from 2225 W. Campbell Park Drive. Another nice pack of 8 hounds for this trail through the hospital district. Who could possibly get lost here. False Advertising, an ideas? We take off and ran through a small residential area I never ran through before. After a quick Back Check, we regrouped at a Check and then scattered. Finally Garmin calls out to me that they went east and I follow to Damen and north and back west where I was able to short cut through a field of scrub and it looked like another Check and the pack was scattering. I ended up following Berts Special Friend to Damen and he headed south. Then across the street I see Garmin heading north and I short cut. I did see False Advertising heading that way at one point, but not again. We did get on trail and we eventually headed east as I followed Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Lifa and Lower Wackoff was right behind me. On east we went towards Arrigio Park. Just before there was a Check and that screwed a few FRBs for a bit and I caught up and we went to a Triple Split at Arrigio Park. Naturally I was a block to the south as they find the trail to the north. I return and they are gone. So, I make a few calculations with my slide rule and compass and T square and headed north and didn't see any marks. So I work my way north and west looking to cut off trail somewhere. Nothing. Finally I am at the expressway and figure that the hare had to cross over somewhere to my east so I head over the Expressway. Still nothing. I head west and there is a turn arrow. I'm On. I ran on and back over the expressway. Now heading west I finally get to a quad split at a little park. I pick right, through the park, and now I'm heading west on Harrison. And at Damen I find a Split, marked west. Damn, I'm behind again. I head west and finally no marks. But that is where I got off the bus and saw a mark. I head for that and run on west and it is On In. And at the finish, there is False Advertising who got lost early and marked that Split\. I was in front. A few minutes later in came Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin and finally the rest of the pack. And there we held a nice laid back circle with Stiffy 4 Stiffies leading the circle. And all was good. Also on trail was Steps In Shit who I don't think I ever saw on trail but he came in with the pack.

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

Thu Jul. 23, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, in the back yard for a pack of 8 hounds. I started out with the idea of getting to this hill in Warren Park. Little did I know that it would add up to 6.3 miles with all of the Falses. But I tried to put in several loops that the back of the pack (Lower Wackoff, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff) might catch and save some time. And they caught them and did stay close to the FRBs. And they were Lifa, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Garmin and Some Crappy Name. Managed to get them on four checks along Clark where they were supposed to think trail would cross. Not. Trail managed to get to Warren Park and managed to run up the hill. At the top is a fence and I believe only Lower Wackoff and Lifa climbed it. Good. Somebody did. The pack managed to come in fairly close together and we settled into the dark corner of my yard while we held a laid back circle and just hung out on a quiet peaceful night. A few hounds said the trail was good, but you know how hounds lie. But I let them use the bathroom anyway before they left.

Sun Jul. 26, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Glory Hole laid trail from Arrigo Park under the shadow of a Statue of the person who discovered the Americas. Unfortunately the statue was removed a few nights earlier. But that didn't stop the hash and we had 14 hounds gather in the sweltering heat of 105 heat index. We took off to the east and the hare wound us around Arrigo Park before we headed east and I started to fall behind. So what else is new. We finally came to a check and it looked like all of these people that left me behind were just standing around. I could see Garmin off in the distance going around this little park. I got there and headed east and Garmin came out of this park ahead of me and he was soon on. Then everyone took turns passing me as we ran through the University Campus. We emerged at the Northeast corner and headed across the Expressway. As I hit the top of the bridge I could see the whole pack running west on Van Buren. And now it was Garmin at the back of that pack and there was no way I would keep up with him. Well, he missed a turn and as he returned I was able to point it out to him. He might catch that pack, but no way I would. So I just kept going west on Van Buren and finally crossed the Expressway and headed over to Ashland. And just as I get there, another short cutter came running by. Yeah, that's you Double Meter Beater. And there was a Check. He headed east, but I was pretty sure the trail went south. Love prelaid trails. I saw a Triple Split on Ashland as I got off the bus and that turned out to be the correct trail. I kept looking back for Double Meter Beater, but again he short cut into the finish and I got stuck with a Back Check before coming on in, a few minutes after him. And there we stood for well over five minutes before we saw half the pack short cutting on in. It seems that while we were at that last Check, we had a few sprinkles. Not even enough to get the pavement wet. Well, those others found them selves in a roaring downpour about three blocks north of us and had to find shelter. Shit happens. Eventually the pack was complete as Cockholm Syndrome finally came in, DFL. Hooch B4 Cooch eventually led us in a laid back circle and then the pack just hung out in the shade drinking beer and all was good. Welcome to our virgin of the day Just Parth, and a transplant who will be here on occasion, Just Anthony. And Steps In Shit, I hope I got your email right this time.

 On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

Sat . Jul 18, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. I headed out to lay trail with a cooler and flour. Decided to change early plans and drop off the cooler early. Big Mistake #1. This would make the on out and the on in to close together. So I opted for heading into the woods instead of the tall grasslands. Big mistake #2. I got into the woods and it was thick and couldn't find my way out. Head for daylight and then another almost impenetrable section. Finally emerged at some tall grasslands and wasn't where I thought I was. Went the wrong way and soon back into thick woods again. Big mistake #3. Now climbing over logs, ducking under fallen trees, and squeezing through wherever I can. Eventually daylight and a path. I went the wrong way and came out at a place I wouldn't have chosen, but at least I found out where I was. Damn, these woods change every time I come out and I've laid well over 50 trails out here. So, I quickly re planned a course in my mind and gave the pack a long section of running on paths. It is about running and not crawling through overgrown woods. So the path goes west along a muddy stagnant stream. Stream on the right, woods overgrown with sticker berry bushes. Really impassable. At the end of the path is a bridge over the stream, but I don't want to go that way, Needed to go left and started that turn early so the pack wouldn't get confused. Remember this point. Then it was a nice 6 to 10 foot wide path. At the first junction in the path I laid a Check with a looong False to the left. Trail went right and towards the west. Again a junction and check with another looong False to the left. Trail went to the river which was just breaking flood stage. Wanted to do a quick back loop into the woods for a great short cut for the slower hounds. Not. Turns out as I headed north I found myself surrounded by water and kept going until I found an easy crossing on logs. Now for some open woods running where you can really actually run. A quick Check and the trail headed downstream from that bridge and a place to run through some deep grasses and leap over that little stream and start to head back. More easy path running and we come to that bridge again. Remember that. Well a second pack hit that area, mis interpreted an arrow pointing to the left of the bridge and instead went over the bridge. Guess what. They found themselves going around the same loop again. As screwed up as this start was, ya gotta laugh at that point as about 5 did that loop again. Real trail paralleled that stream again with a short loop over a hill and back to the path. This eventually led to an attempt to cross the stream to get to where the beer was. Mistake #4. Looked like a safe log and I leaped to the other side, but not far enough and lost my shoe in about 8 inches of deep muck. Had to walk back in my stocking foot to retrieve my shoe. Damn. From here it was a nice narrow path to a point where trail went into tall grasses and a menacing looking bunch of woods, that wasn't all that bad once inside with a path and BEER, Then I had to head for the start, about exactly on time and see if more then the usual numbers actually showed. If anyone. Wow. A pack. 11 Hounds. Would turn out to be more then CH3 the next day and this under heat warnings. WTF. We should have this all the time. Including two Bush Virgins, Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction Whats Your Function. Fast hounds, half fast hounds, frequent bush hashers and the infrequent. Just enough beer for a quick circle. And the pack was off. I tried to sweep, but to damn slow and then I did a header tripping on an exposed root on a path. When I got to the circle, some had already left for the cars and their snobby beer selection, and some were off doing that loop a second time. But we eventually all ended up in the picnic area for a longer larger circle and all was good. It was Lifa's 100 Bushman Hash. Others on trail included Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff, Slit Digger, False Advertising, Just Kelsey, Some Crappy Name, Garmin and Glory Hole.

Sun Jul. 19, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from 2849 N. Southport for a pack of 10 hounds. Being banged up from the Bushman I didn't think I could run, So I got a course from the hare after the pack left and missed the first turn. That put me at the last mark on in. So I decided to just follow the trail backwards. Actually fun as I had to do a little reverse checking. Trail really went in a big loop to the south and east. I finally hit a Check after crossing a flooded intersection. Went a block east, nothing and so I looped back on the next street to the south. Nothing. So now I am back at the street I was running on when I hit the check. Going back a block to the check, nothing. Actually this was the real way the trail entered the Check, but the trail went a block and a half without a mark and I was a half block short. Damn. So I headed west and go around another block without a mark. As I return I find the middle of the pack looking for a mark and coming from the south. So eventually they found a false mark on the corner and didn't see the Check. Gone, east. Just Adam came along and headed right for the true trail and I followed him. The rest of that part of the pack finally figured out their mistake and followed and soon we were back in the alley for circle and drinking. Three front runners, had to pass me at that Check while I was out checking and blew right through it. That was I Eat Dick, Garmin and Silent But Deadly. And eventually Chicken Stifer wandered in DFL What I saw of the trail was a nice twist of trail and mix of Splits and Checks, but far to few marks and the hare admitted that she was running out of flour.
The Tale of the Trail

Sat. Jul 11, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. False Advertising laid trail for 10 hounds from Hubbert Woods in River Grove, North and 1st Ave. That had to be about the worst, MFU start of all time. He lived up to his name, False Advertising. First he had a wrong location for this hash. Then he tells us to go to the road and turn right. We found exactly one mark and we had to go back to find it. Fifteen minutes later we were still within a hundred feet of the first mark when the hare came along and told us there were marks all along, but even he couldn't find a single mark. So, he directed us to the south and a mostly abandoned mall area where we found two marks and then struggled again. Horn-E played Mister Smarty Pants and guessed he was heading to the Gay Bridge in the woods, an abandoned railroad trestle. And he was right and soon on marks. Yelling on he tip toed over the rainbow to the other side and found marks heading into woods and a Check. That led to an easy False and returning he could see the pack finally arriving.  We headed east and spread out before Just Kam finally picked up on trail and Horn-E and Lifa, and Stuffin' Muffin  and Just Kelsey led us out to North Ave and a Check. Here is where we ran into Crotch Fire hashing on a bike and he did pretty good in the woods too. A short time later Just Kelsey found another Check in this school area. Naturally I was in the wrong Direction when this was found and I found myself falling behind. Trail worked its way south and west and eventually over to another Forest Preserve Parking lot. And there was another Check. The pack was scattered and the only one who found the real trail was Lower Wackoff. Which explains why he came in DFL. Horn-E almost went the right way and that is when he last saw Lower Wackoff. Horn-E ranged along the edge of the woods looking for anything. And below was this beautiful wetlands area, now mostly dry and full of razor grass. Had to try it and ranged into the razor grass. At the other end he went up a hill and found a small deer trail. And following that he came to a mark. ON ON. But no one was within ear shot. Following this winding trail he came out to a wide path and saw Just Kam returning from a False. The rest of the pack wandered from that last Check, beyond normal checking range and found this Check. So we headed south and trail was found and we wandered in nice woods without paths and finally Horn-E led a small pack including Magnetic Muff, Its Too Soft and Just Do Me Slowly to a BN. Right at a bridge. Across the bridge was another Check we missed, and we headed right down the sucker False following Just Kam. Well, it was eventually found and we were all soon in the parking lot. And eventually the hero of the day, Lower Wackoff arrived, DFL. But at lest he found the whole trail. Laid back circle was held and all was good. We talked about naming Just Kam and why he hadn't hared. He said if he hared he'd probably just get Some Crappy Name and so we named him on the spot, thanks False Advertising. He will now be known as Some Crappy Name.

Sun Jul. 12, 2020, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck hared from 6749 N. Lakewood. I got there about 5 minutes before normal hash time, just in time to watch the pack leave early. Can we get back to normal and stick with a standard Hash Out Time so those that arrive at the normal time can hash with the others instead of just following a swept long boring trail, The point of hashing is trying to resolve the trail together, and not necessarily running together, which seldom happens anyhow. So I am off alone and hoping to catch the pack. Not happening, And then I come to an early T and E Split. Well, the pack is long gone and there is no point trying to catch them on a long eagle trail, so I take the turkey. (Apparently it was a damn long eagle trail). I get to the beach and there is a Triple split. I didn't think so, but I checked over towards the sand and to the north. Nothing. Going south I'm soon on trail and that finally comes to a Check. True trail went west on city streets, but I had high hopes for the sand. Not. And that is when I ran into the sand police. She came at me yelling something, probably about my not wearing a mask. Sorry stupid, but there is no way I can pass on, or catch Carona viruses all alone, on a wide sandy beach, while jogging on a very windy day. And I can't breath with a mask on while jogging. Breathing takes precedence. From here I quickly picked up trail and it was a series of long straights with a few Splits already marked by someone. But who else would be on the Turkey Trail. Well, I was soon in to the finish and there was Just Adam, a fast runner who opted for the Turkey trail on his first trail back, and I Eat Dick who somehow went the wrong way and picked up on the Turkey Trail instead of her preferred Eagle Trail. It was quite a long wait before the Eagles and a few late coming Turkeys finally made it on in. Eventually Lifa held a short circle and we soon departed. We also had the return of Pony Pounder. And a newbie, from Paris, (Now I know I got this screwed up) Chateau Margalls. She is an experienced Marathoner and the day before actually started working with a group of new potential Chicago Marathoners. Then this week they canceled the Chicago Marathon. So, come on out to the weekend hashes.

 On On
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail

Tue. Jul 7, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash ran from Oz Park with Lifa haring. We met at the tin man statue and ended up west of Dorthy. It started to he north through alleys and then worked its way over to Lincoln Park. Would we finally get into the park and some lake breezes. Yes and no. We got about fifty yards into the park and right out and no breezes. But some nice twists throw Old town and then apparently the trail got a little tricky as some struggled at the back end. Hooch B4 Cooch was FRB, Stiffy 4 Stiffies came in late but finished next. Soul Taco was FBI. Horn-E came in lame. Just Do Me Slowly wilted in the heat and finally walked back. Lower Wackoff kept chugging and came in DFL. The rest of the pack came in somewhere in the middle with Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Its Too Soft, Garmin and Just Kam rounding out the pack. The toughest part of the trail was the downpours caused by the humidity. Really. a cloudless sky and the rain kept coming. Almost got the whole sidewalk wet. Another laid back circle with Hooch B4 Cooch leading and Horn-E yelling "What did he say?"

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Fri . Jul 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.  Just Wylli and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys hard from the picnic area on the north side of Foster at Kilbourn, at the field house. Unfortunately, there was no field house there and I went to the field House in Gompers Park. By the time I found the start, they were gone. But quick directions from SMFTBG and a little local knowledge and I found them just after the Cicero Bridge crossing and a hi-jack. How were two visitors to know that they were going right past Roofie Ragu's house and the marks were spotted. In the heat it was appreciated. We then ran on and I was with them this time. A few city streets and a nice little run on in on wooded paths. At least it should have been. I think my eyesight is now going, but in the darkening woods, I was having trouble navigating the  roots and stuff on the forest floor. But soon we were out and running across the grass to the beer. I followed Garmin and Berts Special Friend. Meat Inside Her was already working on her acceptance speech for being FRB and Lifa was also in. Behind me came the rest of the pack, Lower Wackoff,  Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin. We had to  move the beer and circle to Gompers Park to avoid the Tree Police and Forest Preserve closing. There we circled and after a brief circle we got to naming Just Wylli. He shall forever more be known as Scent Of A Man.

Sun Jul. 5, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from 933 W. Wolfram, for a smaller then normal pack of just 10 hounds, but we were off in a staggered start and a typical Lifa trail with just enough Checks, Splits and Back Checks to keep most of the pack together. Well. Lower Wackoff and Horn-E fell back but were able to slowly stagger in in the heat. And it was hot. The idea these days in the Chicago Hash seems to be staggered starts so the pack isn't running together with this nasty bug going around. But when does the pack ever really run that much together.  And remember, the idea of a hash is to not run together, as such, but to work the trail together. This trail offered that.
The Tale of the Trail

Tue. Jun 16, 2020, The 4X2H3 Hash. Lifa hared from Churchill Park with a nice pack of eleven trail hounds. And I soon lost the leaders as the pack got split up pretty good. That included Double Meter Beater, Just Kam, Just Zach and Meat Inside Her. But there was a back pack and I found myself taking off after Garmin thinking he was on. Not. And we returned to the first Check and head east and finally get on. And then we started getting into the crazy mix of alleys and angled streets that would be the course for the day. I was now running with a back pack, following Garmin. Then he started disappearing and I was following False Advertising. Then he started disappearing and then out of no where comes Berts Special Friend. And again he soon disappears. WTF. I can't keep up with anyone. But I'm not last and the back runners disappeared as I kept looking back for them. I finally hit a Split and went the right way, but not far enough. Looping back towards the other option I actually ran into the real trail also looping back and I'm On. As I pass that alley I was heading for, there is Lower Wackoff heading my way, on the wrong Split. I called out ON and he got a little short cut. I ran on and eventually got another Split that I read wrong. Circling back, Lower Wackoff finally catches up and we stated running trail together. We finally got to a Check and I found trail and ran to a Back Check. I think I screwed this up, but we spent an extra 5 minutes on that before I found the correct trail out and from there it was On In. Lower Wackoff was about 2 minutes behind me. And the missing Just Do Me Slowly and Mudsucker eventually couldn't keep up with Lower Wackoff and short cut to the finish. And the pack was whole at a diamond finish. 

Fri. Jun 19, 2020,  The Forty Second Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago. Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard. Two old time hashes stopped by before the hash, Bloody Thighs and Special Head. Both retired teachers that are now working for FEMA and spent the last several months manning phone banks and saving our lives. I didn't sweep so just hear say. There was a six pack of trail hounds. I gave Menage A Twat a short cut because she was just walking. The rest took off and headed down an alley and a Check. And I got them going the wrong way. But after that they wandered the streets and hit a section with all sorts of crooked streets and alleys and managed to stay together most of the way before finally running on in. We held a laid back circle and 69 Cent man gave us a few songs that most never heard before. And it was on. Only 8 more years to the 50th Anniversary. Start planning now.

Sat. Jun 20, 2020, 2:00pm, A Bushman Hash #181 This is the 15th Anniversary of the Bushman Hash and Horn-E's 35th Anniversary. Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul woods in Morton Grove. At least the local protesters haven't burned down the woods demanding a name change because it is a Christian name. And the woods were beautiful, lush and green and not to over grown. Not to brag, but I thought this was my best trail in a long time. Just a great combination of great and varied terrain in the woods and it mostly worked. We had a six pack of hounds. I enjoyed laying the tail so much I decided to sweep and of course did a piss poor Job. It was a quick chalk talk. I warned everyone that there was a height check point on trail and that everyone had to keep an eye on Just Do Me Slowly. We headed off to the north and a Check at the river. Lifa went left and naturally the right trail was right. And quickly down to rivers edge and a crossing on rocks. That is when I realized I forgot to tell the hounds about all of the TP on trail. So I headed off on an end around, hoping to get ahead of the FRBs and let them know. Especially with one virgin (Just Willi), one new to the area hasher (Saving Myself For 2 Black Guys) and one relatively new hasher (Just Kam) streaking off to the front. SMF2BG & Just Willi came to a river crossing right by a bridge. They ran right on through it. Just Kam took the bridge. When I got there, Lower Wackoff was half way across the river fishing for river trash. JDMS was still navigating some woods. Lifa. I have no idea. I then headed off on paved bike paths trying to get ahead of the FRBs. Damn, I'm sweeping to enjoy running through the field of flowering Iris plants and great woods. Not the damn asphalt. I finally get to where I thought I'd cut them off. Not. There they were, past there and running through knee deep soft prairie weeds and such towards a small section of woods. Run on you damn amnesic hare. They hit a gully and were just crawling out of that when I arrived. Whew!!. It took a bit and they finally found the first TP and soon were off and running through over a hundred yards of knee high or higher soft weeds and mostly white, prairie flowers. This field used to mostly be knee high Scritchy Scratchy, What happened? But still fun running. I caught them at the end at a Check and they finally came to the bike path and a Triple Split. Looking back, I saw Lifa shortcutting across the field and almost catching up. Now, the trail went into a spider trail along the river or narrow dirt path twenty feet over the river. Nice running. Half way along here was a log jam in the river. Been here for at least five years. Several big trees going all the way across. I do something I don't normally do. I had put down a Split here with SC for Short Cut pointing across the river, Remember that. From here it was a race for the three FRBs as they ran this path and a short sweep into woods before coming to the road to the south of the woods and a bridge crossing. Lifa is following and I'm way behind and falling back and still wondering about Lower Wackoff and JDMS. Not to worry. I saw the FRBs heading north as I headed south. good. No Lifa, but he knows what he is doing. I make the same loop over the bridge and head north. From here I just followed my trail alone, correcting a few things for Lower Wackoff and JDMS. Yeah, like they were really behind me. Remember that log jam and the Short Cut. It was laid as a False Trail. But Lower Wackoff and JDMS came by there just as the FRBs did on the other side of the river, They were told that it was a long way, so they crossed on the logs and followed the FRBs. Actually, worked great. These trees are wide enough to easily walk across. But I was told that JDMS straddled the trees and slid across. What she did when she came to the raccoon shit on the trees, I have no idea. From here it was a lot of nice woods running and something else that was knew to me. Looked like a section of newer plantings of some real skinny trees, almost shrubs that are planted within about a foot or less of each other and eventually reached a good ten feet high. JDMS alert area, If she got lost in there we might never find her. From here it was on in on nice paths and just good lush woods.
Circle was laid back and I got a spare chair and sat in a section with some very active tics. Yeah, tics, Total of 5 of the little bastards. They get on you and just crawl for a bit before setting in for a good snack of fresh blood. I caught them all while running up my legs. Safe as long as you get then moving. Just Kam was FRB, Lifa was DFL. SMF2BG was a former Korea Hasher and Lifa hoped he would know a bunch of Korean songs that Lifa knew. Not. but he had different songs then Lifa. All was good and no rain. A great 15th anniversary.

Sun Jun. 21, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Mommy's Little Accident hare from 4902 N. Magnolia. I thought I would get there plenty early and as I walked up the street the pack ran by me going the other way. This included a virgin hasher that I didn't get a chance to meet, Just Bradley I was told later. So I got there, set down my gear and got my GPS going and was off and running. By myself. I could have done that at home. But I ran on. And things were marked so even the rest of the trail left no chance for actually hashing, just running behind a large pack that left way to early. About the only good thing was the T and E Split, which I was told was just a veeerrry long back check. Saw absolutely no one on trail. I thought hashing was a social way of running. Finally came on in. And the pack was all in the back yard. And that was okay, at least as we are trying to do with social distancing. Eventually Cockholm Syndrume came in, alone. And then Skull N Boner comes in, alone. And then Steps In Shit comes in, alone. And then Back Door Bizzle comes in, alone. I'm sure we would have enjoyed running with the starting pack of 7 hounds. Might have been more like hashing. Not a criticism of the hare. Trail was okay as a short trail. Just the current process. If we are going to run in ones and twos, do so and don't mark the trail. We did this at CH3's first hash back. It worked. But if we are going to have a big pack start off and sweep the trail, then wait for all of us like the old days. We'd like to hash too. Not just run a marked trail. Just saying. Now peace out.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

Sat Jun. 13, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend set trail from Schiller Woods West for the annual Around the World in 80 Beers Hash. We had a nice turnout of eleven trail hounds. About a hundred yards into trail Horn-E found the marks and ran up to a Check. He and Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed down a path to the Northwest and found only one mark. Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned to this parking lot while Horn-E checked a little further northwest. Meanwhile the trail was found to the west and Horn-E wasn't seen again and Horn-E didn't see or hear the pack again. I eventually found a mark, a Split and headed south because I hadn't heard the pack yelling On to the north where I previously was. That led to Irving Park and I spotted an On In arrow. So I knew they were going to cross the river. Stow that in memory. So I headed north and found trail but as soon as it left the path I wandered around in a zone of now marks, or maybe marks, but I sure couldn't find them. Eventually I found about six more marks and then nothing. I mean nothing. So I wandered over to the bicycle path and headed north. And north and north. I finally found a mark and trail went down to this little feeder stream, under a bridge and back to a main path. And a Split. Again nothing and nothing and nothing. So I ran on to Lawrence and the bridge over the river. Hallelujah, a mark. Over the river and into the woods again and again, the marks were there and not there and straight lines on the ground didn't really mean straight ahead. I finally got to another feeder stream, muddy and about fifteen feet across. Didn't see foot prints into the stream so I headed west along the stream and found a large log jam and an easy dry way across. Back to the marks and a Split. But the Split was marked into the woods and not towards this little path. Opps, that is where the trail went. And out to a big grassy field with tall grasses and almost impossible to lay marks much less find them. The pack of ten did. The pack of one didn't and I ended up running through the field along the woods edge instead of through the middle. At the end of the field I found a path back to the river and a nice section for running but I couldn't run that fast as I was constantly looking for marks and of course, there weren't any.  Finally I had to leave the rivers edge and climb up a hill and guess what. Marks. And I followed these to a road and shortly On In where the pack was laying about drinking beer. Actually, I had fun running most of it, but it would have been a lot more fun if I didn't loose the pack after three marks. We held circle and they sampled many different kinds of beers. The pack included Just Kam and Just Kelsey, virgin Big Dog Hashers, and Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Zone 2, False Advertising and Stiffy 4 Stiffies.

Sun Jun. 14, 2020,  The Chicago Hash. Garmin laid trail from his alley and we had 11 trail hounds. When we finally took off, Horn-E led the trail to a quick check and found the trail. And he managed to lead until we crossed Broadway where Lifa took the lead and soon Followed by I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer and our Virgin of the day, Just Kiersten. And they were soon out of sight. But Just Kiersten managed to keep track of them and made it through her first Hash trail. Meanwhile Horn-E fell back to a slower pack including Styroporn, False Advertising and Zone 2. We ran together through Loyola and came to a Check and headed across Sheridan and northwest. Eventually I found myself falling back and their was the Devon Market where I went for something to drink after trail. When I came out I was soon passed by double Meter Beater and followed him back, sort of and finally headed straight to the finish. Eventually J Kam, Sandy Syphilis and Cockholm Syndrome arrived. False Advertising led a short circle and we hung out in the alley, drifting along with the sun. We're slowly coming back.

On On
Horn -E
The Tale of the Trail

Tue, Jun 6, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her laid a trail from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard for 6 trail hounds. They were Lower Wackoff, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa, Garmin, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Horn-E who ran much later. Nice little trail through the neighborhood with just enough tricks and traps to keep it interesting and Horn-E finally got lost after trail crossed Clark. Can't say much else. About 3.5 miles. There was a laid back circle moon style after. This was the first Moon hash in Chicago that was ever held in the mid afternoon, due to concerns about the Covid virus and the tyranny of our Governor

Sun Jun. 7, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Little Trojan Annie hare from 2335 W. Medill Ave., in the back yard. The trail headed north and I followed Silent But Deadly outon trail. At fist I was sort of with Dickens Cider and Garman, Then it was Just Kam and Just Kelsey, and we wee joined by zZomme 2 aand False Advertising. We eventually saw and joined up with Soul Taco and lifa at various points. We finally returned to the hares back yard. There were the earlier hounds including 69 Cent Man, Gay Dancer, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, and a new hasher to the area, U S S R.  Later we were joined by Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Cockholm Syndrum and Just Jenny. There was no circle, but we all hung around for a bit and reacquainted ourselves with old friends

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Sat. May 23, 2020, 2:00pm, The Hashers Not Trashers Hash from the Whore House in La Grange Park. A Rotton Whore laid trail from the red light district in La Grange Park for seven hounds. There were three that didn't make it, but showed up to make an appearance, False Advertising and Zone 2, just as the pack was leaving and some old man, late again, and blaming the CTA, RTA, Metra, the Internet, his cell phone, and he would have blamed his Mama if she was still alive, for getting there late, and just as the rain started. Meanwhile a pack of seven trail hounds were out running city streets and working there way to the woods for some real serious shiggy, wet lands and whatever else the evil hare could come up with. And by all reports, it was a good trail for a hare who hadn't laid trail in ten years. Garmin and Just Kam were the FRBs, or the only ones to do the whole trail at 7.27 miles. What, and I missed all that shiggy. Lower Wackoff finally came in as the DFL. Well, hell, Horn-E wasn't on trail. He finally emerged from the woods as the rains hit and the marks disappeared. But he made it back. A short laid back circle was led by Stupid Is As Stupid Does and then the hare brought out some Rotton grub. Good time on a nice opening day of the Memorial Day weekend.

Sat. May 16, 2020, The Bushman Hash. With the Governor still forcing all of Illinois into Lock Down, the Bushman Hash said no. The Governor said we can go out jogging. That is what we do and most of the time we are well separated so why not. The plan was to take the hash through one of the local golf courses that we seldom get a chance to run. They are closed to golfing so why not. Well, the weatherman said WHY NOT. Ooops. About 4 inches of rain on Thursday. It would be flooded. When Horn-E got there he checked out the river. Overflowing the normal area we finish in, when hashing here. That probably meant that the golf course was flooded. It was and would have made any attempts there to be boring and/or futile. So trail headed Northwest. I had to go down one street for a long block before I really got into the woods and it was less then a foot deep in muddy water, and a hell of a lot of ground clutter buried under water and sight, or just floating. But the trail went across Devon and into more muddy water until I reached the Northwest end of that sector. Then it was back and forth over ravines with multiple water crossing, back across Devon and along the flooded golf course. So, that was the plan. As I finally got back in to the start, I saw a hasher we haven't seen in some time, Slit Digger. I went to finish off the start and saw some guy and some girl heading into the woods, right where my trail started, but I didn't recognize them from the distance and so I forgot about them. Surprise. It was Just Kam and a virgin Harriet, Just Kelsey (sp). I probably screwed that up. Soon Its Too Soft showed. That is two hashers that didn't know that those that RSVP'd said they all wanted to BYOB. So, they had no beer. And I didn't expect them with this iron fisted rule of the other hashers about not hashing. But I did expect False Advertising, Lifa and Lower Wackoff and when they arrived we were set to go. They started out into the woods between the tracks and the entrance to the parking area. Lower Wackoff spotted the marks and took the lead. By the time we got to Central, Slit digger was seen almost a block away and running strong. Didn't see him again until the finish as he blew away the trail in 59 minutes. After that long block, next to protected wet lands, we headed down a sidewalk and into the woods, Like I said, deep water, well, over the ankles at the worst, well most of the time. Trail came out after a hundred yards or so at Devon. I was sweeping and right behind False Advertising, Slit Digger was long gone. I crossed and waited for Lifa, Its Too Soft and Lower Wackoff. I was supposed to sweep and not lead, but they seemed to be worrying about the water to much, and I long ago just got used to it as inevitable. After we crossed Devon it was more water. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Not if you valued your life. Trail headed north west through the bayous and swamps and bogs of Caldwell Woods. But they ran on, or mostly walked through the maze of water and possible water crossings on logs and whatever they could find to avoid getting wet. They were going so slow that even this old gray hare could have laid a live trail and stayed in front. And then suddenly Lower Wackoff starts following trail towards two people in the woods, It was Just Kam and Just Kelsey struggling along on their own through all of that muck. Well done Kelsey. Real well done. And soon Its Too Soft and Lifa caught up and continue sweeping right and left and any way they could go to avoid the water, We finally got to the Northwest end of the trail and a Check. Just Kam went off on one False and Lifa managed to pick south and got on the real trail. He soon left the back pack behind. The trail made three more sweeps across the ravine and up and down the hills on each side. Then we headed back east and they did one more ravine crossing. They then avoided the trail that went right down the middle of the stream. Two inches of cleaner water was to much for them at that point. Cleaned my shoes though. Finally they headed across Devon and a section of nice path above the swollen river where you could actually do some nice woods running. This came out at a road and we had to run along the edge, yes again, swollen river. I know, it is the Bushman Hash and no roads. This came to the golf course where we all got a good look at the swollen fairways. We couldn't get out on the golf course, but there was a bit of a path on the edge of a hill all along the golf course and then along the last edge of swamp land. Some chickened out and just jogged the road, but I did follow Just Kam and Just Kelsey and she even led some of this last little bit. Well done Kelsey. Screw the wimps. After we cross Central it was about a hundred yards of soggy woods until the B, looking over the swollen river and where it over flowed the land. Those that had beer brought it out. Those that didn't have, got one from Just Kam and Just Kelsey who had a few extra. We held a big wide short Bushman circle and everybody had to shout all hare down downs so Horn-E could hear them. We all had a good run and a chance for some real face time and showed that we can hash in these lock down times. Just try to respect others and get out there hashing. It is what we do and this is how to do it.
On On
Horn-E


The Tail of the Trail
Sat. May 16, 2020, 2:00pm, The Bushman Hash.

I got a late start due to the CTA. Apparently they are running a restricted bus service and I had to wait over 30 minutes for my bus. But it was free.  Got there and started laying trail. Managed pretty much what I had in mind and came to the start at 2:00pm. And there were hashers there. Stupid Is As Stupid Does from Atlanta and Rotton Whore took off immediately with this large black and white bitch on her virgin hash trail. And later we forgot to sing the Rover song. Anyway, they got so far and lost marks and eventually found the On Back trail. Damn. And they got there before I got there with the beer. So they went back to there car and sat there drinking beer and spilling beer all over each other. At least they can prove they were on  trail with their muddy knees from falling. Hey, they fell for my trail. Lower Wackoff came later and also headed out on trail and got lost. Again, he found the On Back trail and stuck with it and found the beer, about ten minutes after I got there. A beautiful spot with several trees fallen down making a huge square of seats, socially far enough apart for a pack of ten and filled in the middle with beautiful flowers. Yeah, the flowers were out. But, depending on where you were, 10 to 20 % of normal to maybe 60%, but mostly not as large as usual. Record snows last week stunted their growth. But in a week or two they might be spectacular it anyone had a mind for a walk in the woods. Then there was the mystery Hasher(s). Apparently after Stupid and Rotton got to the beer stop, couldn't find beer and left, and before I got there with the beer, some hasher(s) stopped there. Left two empty cans and a plastic garbage bag and a note. "Thanks Horn-E. Missed you and any others, can't stay but enjoyed the trail and the beautiful flowers. Prettiest trail we ever ran and the best trail we ever ran. Will see you again soon. Miss Teri and Mist Erie Hounds.

Stay safe and see you on trail as soon as you are comfortable with it.

Tale of the Trail

Sat. Apr 18, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail out of Forest Glen Forest Preserve. Temperature was about 35 degrees, but you would think it was the fourth of July and 80 degrees. Bikers, joggers, couples and singles, families with kids and dogs. Everywhere there were people re introducing themselves to family. I could barely find a hidden spot behind a tree to pee. Never saw such crowds. I must have told about 30 groups what I was doing so they wouldn't think I was spreading anthrax in the middle of a pandemic. We had three hounds, Lower Wackoff and two Bushman virgins, Rotton Whore and a visiting hasher from Atlanta, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. The pack got separated at the first Check at Cicero. SIASD found trail and was off and walking. Yeah, he doesn't run, but led from there until almost the finish where he went wrong on a Split. Lower Wackoff meanwhile came back from a False and tried to play catchup the whole rest of the way, getting nailed at the hares many nasty Splits, Checks, False and Back Checks. Trail went mostly along the river heading east into La Bagh Woods, around the swamp, and over the old RR bridge and back on the other side of the river. Relatively simple and as nice as we could expect before the spring bloom. Meanwhile Rotton Whore also doesn't run and missed my directions for a short cut, but eventually found it after I went by. WTF. She now does trails with a huge plastic garbage bag cleaning the woods of trail trash. Well done. She filled the whole damn bag to overflowing, mainly thanks to the kids and graffiti so called artists under the Edens bridge. And as she and I came out of the woods on Forest Glen, I pointed her to a short cut to her car with the garbage. Meanwhile I ran ahead on trail not knowing that SIASD got that last split wrong and was heading for the golf course. But we finally gathered at the beer stop in the woods, up on a fallen tree in the woods, (We've done that spot before) sitting on various branches and drinking beer. We brought out several relatively new local songs and some from Atlanta for some good entertainment. Then we headed up to the shelter and brought out a grill. Omaha Steak burgers and some Brats. A quick grill and then off home. And the woods were still full of people having fun in nature.

On On
Horn-E
Tale of the Trail

Wed Mar 11, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.  False Advertising hared out of the Cobra Lounge for an A to B Hash. I missed it, but they had a small pack of only four hounds, Lifa, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her and Its Too Soft. I was told that there was a five mile trail but the marks were so close together it amounted to only about 2.5 to 3 miles ending at the home of the GM.

Thu. Mar 12, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Ice Princess and Soul Taco hared out of Weathermark for a pack of 11 hounds, TH3's second biggest pack of the year. This was a very short run followed by a Ragnar promotional stuff. We headed north towards the loop and then suddenly east into Grant Park. The hares teased the pack with the possibility of running towards the Museums and Soldier Field, but then did a quick loop back towards the city and a quick beer stop in the usual park. Hashers kept putting beer cans in front of Meat Inside Her and she kept turning them into Hockey pucks, a talent we started at the Bushman Hash, See, we are good for something. Back at the bar we all huddled on couches and appetizers were provided by Ragnar promotion and we all chowed down. Then in that tight circle we held a laid back circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. So far, no reports of Carona Virus from that tight gathering.

Sun Mar 15, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Sanding Ovation was supposed to hare with a surprise co-hare from Celtic Crown. I arrived at 2:20 and was the first hasher there. At about 3:00 I was the only hasher there. The bar never knew we were coming and was never told them we weren't in case someone showed up. Surprise, the hash was canceled. I finally looked it up on my new cell phone that I am still trying to learn how to use, It was still listed on the CH3 Calendar which came up first. WTF. Later I found out that all of the "other" GMs had a meeting and decided to cancel hashing for March. WTF.  Unheard of. And I have been around for a long time. Safety? Emergency?They even have a Hurricane Hash in Florida. Apparently the regular Sunday patrons at Celtic Crown weren't aware of this. Either were the hashers at TH3 just 64 hours earlier. I left Celtic Crown and went to Barrelman on my way home. More of the usual Sunday patrons that were unaware of and unconcerned with this paranoia. Hoarding TP was the big joke. We then heard that the Governor was closing all bars and restaurants at 9pm on Mon. If this is an emergency, why not right away. And why not close the Tues. elections where all of those vulnerable senior citizens would be working. Will anyone vote, or just those brave enough to leave their homes. Just asking. I went home at 6pm and finally found a long list of people who tried to let me know that the hash, and all of the hashes except Bushman, were canceled for March. WTF. But the CH3 Hash was still listed on their calendar. Hmmm!!! My thanks to Dick Hermonica, Meat Inside Her, Gay Dancer and Lifa for attempting to let me know. But the earliest message I got was at 12:13, well after I checked things and planned my day around the hash that wasn't to be. Let me be clear about this. Last minute changes by the "IN CROWD" has been going on since I started hashing in 1985. It was never an emergency, just a decision that somehow doesn't get to everyone, like me this time. This was not a last minute emergency. If the hare needed to back out, we could have had a last minute "Pick Up" hash. No one is forced to come if they don't want to come. Then we would have had enough hashers for a decent trail. We could have had a hash to a park for a beer stop and a quick mini-circle and then go home. It works for 4X2 Hash. And no one, like myself, would have gotten screwed. If change is necessary, really necessary, you always try to make the hash work as close to the original Hash location and time as possible and always take EVERY venue to let EVERYONE know of the changes. So, yes, I have a right to bitch. Now my rant is over.
On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail
Tue. Mar 3, 2020, The 4by2 Hash. Berts Special Friend hared out of Estelle's for nine hounds. After a long walk to the shag wagon, we held chalk talk there and then ran past the bar and on into trail. Just your usual piece of shit trail except this one actually had a lot of twists and turns and a good chek at Western where everyone thought the trail had to go west. Not. Back east on the other side of the street and into an alley. Remember, at checks trail can go anywhere within 369 hash degrees. But we finally found it and the trail went on through a lot of twists and turns and a few cheap circle jerks. Good. We finally ended up in Wicker Park where the hare waited with beer. And for once this year we had a large contingent of Harrietts on trail. And they kicked ass, coming in 1,2,3,4 while the old fart wankers came in 5,6,7,8,9. Bunch of old worn out slugs. Lifa led a short circle in the park and everyone returned to the bar where there were several versions of $2 beer available. And most of the pack drank on.

Thu. Mar 5, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Antique Load Show with a stealth co-hare to help screw things up, Ritilian Cum Bubble laid trail for 12 trail hounds from Burwood Tap. This was by far TH3's biggest hash of the year. They even got 3 Harrietts to show up. Yeah, just more Bimbos to embarrass Horn-E and SnatchSquatch, the DFLs. And they short cut too. The trail started out fairly good, if you forget that first Check under a locked gate. The marks were fairly good, except when they weren't there. I ended up falling behind eventually and finally saw SnatchSquatch disappearing through Oz Park after a Check. Trail went straight south from the hill and crossed Armitage. The last mark I saw was a true trail mark just after I crossed Armitage. And that block, Mansion Manor, is two long blocks long, like a quarter mile. And I never saw a single mark. Apparently at the end of the block the trail went east, but I never saw any marks. So I returned on the other side of the street. Still no marks. Now I'm entering serious ranging. I cross Oz Park towards Lincoln and there is SnatchSquatch running straight north. I caught him and he was On. We skipped a loop to the east and suddenly the back of the pack was just passing us. Two blocks later we were at beer in a little playground. To her credit, the hare did sweep. But I don't recall her marking anything, especially that quarter mile block where she swore there were marks but that tiny little sprinkle of rain wiped them out. Only on that block. SnatchSquatch led us in a short but lively circle. We met our virgin, Just Ely and a visitor, Deaf Gurl. Then the party carried on and on into the night, the way TH3 used to be. Well done TH3 hashers. Let's keep it up.

Sun Mar 8, 2020, The Chicago Hash. RumpleStealsKids and Crash Test Blow Me hared from The Mouse Trap, the tap room for Off Color Brewery. There were 19 trail hounds out there for the biggest pack yet this year. I got there just after the pack left but was able to put my bag in the bar and run on out after them. I quickly got to a Check at North Ave. Someone marked the trail straight east. After one block and at the busy intersection of North and Clybourn, there was another Check on the SE corner. Someone marked the trail pointing straight NW on Clybourn but after a block there were no marks. I returned and checked the local alley but no marks there. Then I saw a mark, a pack arrow like the last two and just off the NE corner. This one was pointing straight east on the north side of North Ave. Guess what. There were no more marks in that direction. The trail was sabotaged yet again. If I kept going I could have ended up in Lake Michigan a mile away. Instead, after two blocks I headed back and started working the intersection of Halsted and North Ave. Nothing north but I finally found a mark on the SW corner pointing east. So the true trail went straight east on the south side of the street, not the north side of the street as some asshole indicated with a pack arrow. A bad mark can be worse then no mark at all. But two on one Check is inexcusable. The trail finally headed north across North Ave and of course there were no marks from that false pack arrow that would bring the trail back to the one that the hares laid. After that sabotage of the trail, I ran a few more blocks and decided that I was so far behind and I surely couldn't count on pack arrows or true trail arrows to help out. So I headed west hoping that I knew where the Beer Stop would be. I was right, over the bridge and on Goose Island. Eventually the pack came on in and on a beautiful day of wqarm full sunshine. Circle was held outside and the pack drank on with 3 casse and 2 30 racks. Welcome to three virgins, Becca, Trace, and Jean and the visitor, Deaf Gurl.

On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail

Wed. Feb 26, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Meat Inside Her and Glory Hole hared from Ph. D for the usual crew of 4 hounds. That would be Horn-E, Berts Special Friend, Lifa and Son Of Spam. Start was easy until the first Check. After that we seemed to get stretched out. Hell, there was only four of us and Horn-E picking up the rear as usual. Lifa seemed to disappear and managed to come in FRB. Meanwhile Horn-E was suddenly passed by Berts Special Friend. Then Son Of Spam showed up. How did they get behind Horn-E. And that happened again and again. Finally on 18th St, Berts Special Friend headed north and that was the last we saw of him. Meanwhile Son Of Spam and Horn-E weaved back and forth as they headed north looking for trail. They finally ran into Meat Inside Her on a rescue mission. We had just found the trail and it went past a now locked fence. She came to show us the way around it and to the Whiskey Stop. A quick circle and back to PhD for a last brewski.

Thu. Feb 27, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Damen Tavern. Another small pack including Horn-E, J. Adam, False Advertising, and Garmin. Famming Flaggott was walking trail. Wow, five of us. We headed west and managed to find trail, sort of, on and off. Actually the marks were in bright colors, but not always were we were looking and sometimes not so obvious even when standing on them. Trail did a little loop west of Western and then back north on Western to a Check. False Advertising found it and was off after alerting Just Adam. He marked the Check and ran on. GArmin and Horn-e arrived and didn't know they were at a Check and ran all over looking for marks, mainly east and any direction that didn't have marks. They finally started ranging far and wide and to the north and east before Garmin cheated and checked Facebook. Beer Stop two blocks east of us. We got there just as False Advertising arrived. But no hare. And no beer. It seems as if the hare posted the beer stop as Superior Park and even indicaveted it on a map. But we were a block west of the bar and he was at some school yard with Famming Flaggott a block east of Damen. Ooops. Meanwhile Just Adam was still working the trail and staying on marks and finally found the east location, after the y left. Shit happens. Horn-led a shitty circle that fit this shitty hash.

Sat Feb 29, 2020, The Rag Time Hash. This was snot the best of times for this hasher. Sorry I didn't post this hash and location. Apparently they only allow Facebook users to know about it. But I got late word and for once they weren't conflicting with the Bushman Hash so I went to the approximate location for my first Rag Time Hash. Snot what I expected. First, I found the right building but the wrong address and of course no markings anywhere showing which apartment or buzzer. I finally found an arrow heading out. Good. Now I waited, hoping someone would show up and I could find out where to go. No such luck. So, eventually I decided I came to run the hash so I might as well. Snot the best trail but all right for a nice run on a beautiful day, snot a bit to difficult, and a bit of running in Lincoln Park. I finally finished the trail and found evidence that someone was running the trail. So I hung around and soon the pack came in one at a time. SnatchSquatch who walked a lot, then the real FRB, Lost Her Pussy. Pony Pounder, Garmin. Lifa, Its Too Soft. Since it was the ladies hash there should be some ladies. Sandy Syphillis was the hare and Sanding Ovation and The Dark Kunt ran trail. So there we were standing around in this empty lot passing around a bottle of Champagne and it was snot a pretty sight. Seems like it was just cold enough to account for some excessive nasal discharges and a generous snotty dripped into the open chanpagne bottle as it headed for someone's mouth,  who will remain unnamed, but it definitely was snot a pretty sight and ended the champagne circle. The pack ended that snotty mess and headed inside for grub and endless champagne.

Sun Mar 1, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly and Feather hared from Redmonds for another all male hash of 11 hounds. All right, we did have a bimbo hare. False Advertising was so anxious to run that he started before chalk talk. Zone 2 called him back and he listened to the chalk talk and then after the pack took off, he showed me a short cut. Of course it didn't help much. I was still DFL. Under 3 miles and basically a big square before we ended up under the tracks for the beer stop. There was some confusion on trail with blue and pink flour. Now who used what. We did have one virgin, Just John who will be moving here soon. Trail was less then three miles and we were soon in the bar and Silent But Deadly kept a steady stream of beer flowing. False Advertising ran the circle and we were soon done with nothing to do but drink beer.

On On
Horn-E



Tale of the Trail

Thu. Feb 27, 2020,  The Thirstday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome with the help of Just Jenny laid this trail out of J & M Tap for 7 hounds. That was good because it was about 7 miles long according to GPSs results. And five actually made the trail. It started out good with a twisting course and maybe a bit to many Splits. But I was managing to keep the pack in sight until I ran into another of all to many swept Splits with a true trail marked the was the trail didn't go. There were no marks in the direction of the true trail. Why? The wanker who marked the true trail heard On On from that direction, but the trail went the other way and around a building and across the street and into an alley. He heard someone yell who wasn't actually ON but relaying an ON call. There were no marks in that direction. When this is done, another mark or marks are required to bring the trail back to the actual trail the hare laid. Anything less is sabotaging the trail for anyone following. Others besides myself have been burned by these kinds of False/True trail marks. A bad mark is worse then no marks at all. By the time I found the true trail the pack was now long gone. After a few unmarked Splits and resolving them and I finally called it and went back to the bar. There I found SnatchSquatch who also gave up on the trail after getting almost to Western, That would have been less then half way. So, there we sat by ourselves until the pack finally came in a hour later. We then held a short circle and I took advantage of a ride home and left. 

Fri, Feb 21, 2020. The First Crack of the Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared out of Nightwawk for an A to B trail. This time we had 8 hounds including a visiting walker.  Trail was similarly designed to the trail from the previous TH3 hash with less Splits and shorter. Nearing the halfway point there was an impromptu beer stop. Lifa missed it. I was last in and the place was to hot for me and I took off first. From here I managed to find the correct trail after each Split and Check right away except for one. And here is when Pony Pounder caught up with the rest of the pack and passed me. About 5 blocks to the finish. Lifa managed to also catch me at one point and immediately went the wrong way at a Triple split. He heard me call ON but ranged and found marks ahead of me and came in first. I think. At one point I hit a Split by a hole in a fence. Now, I knew SnatchSquatch couldn't do it. Hell, I barely made it, and it was wrong, but the true trail met up right away. Meat Inside Her also tried that hole. At the finish we met in the basement for circle and then upstairs for pizza.

Sun Feb 23, 2020, 2:00pm. The Chicago Hash. Roofie Ragu and Silent But Deadly laid trail from the Bridgeport In after a late venue change. I'm not sure of the attendance on trail because I didn't have I. D. to drink at that bar. Yeah, another stupid stunt by a bartender. Seventy nine years old and she wants my I. D. Even though I wasn't drinking. So I missed the circle. But I believe there were 4 virgins and a total of 17 hounds. Good. And a nice day for a trail. Warmest this year. Trail started out okay with a few twists and turns. I was near the back when we hit a Check at 35th St. It was already solved and the pack was mostly long gone. Another strung out pack. From here it was a loooong straight past Ashland. Mudsucker dropped out and went back. Zone 2 and myself and False Advertising finally joined up at the back. False Advertising finally looked up the beer stop on Facebook and we headed that way. We found a lost virgin on the way and got her to join us. Then False Advertising ran on and at Archer headed east and ahead of the pack. They were on a looooong loooop as far as 38th St and Leavitt. Then Zone 2 started power walking and left the virgin Just Jada (?) alone with Horn-E. How dare they do that to a poor innocent virgin. Fortunately she made it to the beer stop okay. I think they lost one virgin, but it was a nice day and everyone enjoyed a beer before heading off to circle up and I went home.

On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail

Thu. Feb 13, 2020, The Thirstday Hash was set out of Miskas by Soul Taco, The Dark Kunt and Silent But Deadly for four hounds. Unfortunately five showed up, Horn-E. And late as usual. So I took off a few minutes after the pack. At the first block there was some sort of decision point, marked off but indicating east. I went east and after a block there was a Triple Split, unmarked. I chose right and was right. A half block later thee was a Split with straight ahead marked out and the other direction to the right, wrong, and down a long alley. So went any chance of catching the pack at the upcoming park. Anyhow, after running a long block in the wrong direction I went south to the next corner and headed back east for another long block. And there was the arrow I should have been on if that Split was marked correctly. So I  enter this block square park following trail and miss the mark pointing east in the middle of the park. Actually the only mark I had a problem with that the Silent Dark Taco's laid. So, exiting the park at the south end I checked the SW corner. Nothing. Then worked my way around counterclockwise until I found their Check. Not marked, I headed east for a long block. Nothing. Returning I found trail to the south and east and west until trail came to a six corner intersection at Diversey and another Check. I picked Clybourn and was wrong. Checking the time I decided that there was no way I would catch anyone in the pack so I guessed on a possible Beer Stop and headed there. Wrong choice. I went back to the bar and there were the hares, bundled up and cuddled up and staying warm in the bar. The pack soon came in and the beer stop headed to the alley behind the bar for a quick shot and back into the warmth of the bar. Hey, ladies, it wasn't that cold. Circle was called and a 30 rack of PBR was bought and a laid back circle was held and then everyone gathered around a table and drank on into the night.

Sat, Feb 15, 2020.. The Bushman Hash campout weekend. Horn-E, Son Of Spam and Berts Special Friend hared this trail through great woods, a few water crossings and tunnels and few injuries. We only had one injury while laying trail. How would you like a sharp stick in the eye. I didn't like it either. About at thick as a toothpick. I was stopped and trying to remove a dead branch so no one behind would get hit by the falling branch. It was solid however so I turned my head and right into this tiny branch. Just missed the pupil but got the eyelid. "Spam. Spam, come here. I need help." But it looked okay. Just a little red, and I had a red eye even through Sunday. Eleven hounds, Grateful Dick, False Advertising, Meat Inside Her, Cums On All Bases, Garmin, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Mommys Little Accident, Gay Dancer, Hooch B4 Cooch, and Just Gus took off on trail that lasted about 60 to 70 minutes in a winter wonderland. All right, they also had to endure crossing frozen streams and not so frozen streams, as Gratefull Dick demonstrated with legs wet to the knees. Ice Princess didn't believe it was icy under the first tunnel. Apparently he kissed the ice for disbelieving. Just Gus managed to come in first followed by Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer. Ice Princess came in DFL. Well, someone had to and Horn-E was a hare. Hooch B4 Cooch was MIA, missing in action and didn't make the finish. Berts Special Friend toasted our two bimbos, Meat Inside Her and Cums On All Bases. Her highlight of the weekend. And everyone got at least one down down, especially the hares. Back at the bunkhouse we got into snacks and warming up dinner, then ate unlimited amounts of food and beer. After dinner games were held as we all sat around in Onezies and PJs. Finally False Advertising and Son Of Spam laid a night trail. Yes, we ran again. This time it was Horn-E, Grateful Dick, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Cums On All Bases, Garmin, Its Too Soft, Mommys Little Accident, Gay Dancer, and Just Gus.
>>>>>I'd like to tell you about this trail, but I never finished. No, I did not have another accident. but as we were going down this road in the campground, suddenly I was almost hit with a falling body. Cums On All Bases looked like she was sliding into home so she could cum on all bases. Slipped on ice and a full belly flop right next to me. I pulled her up and she looked okay. So I pointed out the direction of trail, but she started to walk sideways. I grabbed her and took another look. This time the blood was coming out from under her hat and I called it for her. Good thing. I just talked to her and she still didn't know what happened to her, except that she remembers me calling it and grabbing her and starting back to the bunk house. Back at the house I grabbed some paper towels as I went by and took her to the bathroom. I took off her hat and she got a good shock as she looked in the mirror. There was about a two inch wide stream of blood from hairline to lip line. Bleeding had stopped but there was a lot of cleanup. Finally I took her to the party room and looked for some ice for the developing swelling. No ice, but I found a bag of frozen onion rings. Yes, you can laugh, but I used it. Finally Meat Inside Her, a nurse by profession, took over. I found some antiseptic cream in my shower kit and False Advertising found some bandaging material and then we got brilliant. Forget the onion rings. We found a plastic bag, filled it with snow and used that. Basically she remembers none of this and only knows what I am telling her. By morning she was gone. Drove home. We were worried and were planning on driving her home. But, beyond pain, she felt fine. She saw a doctor and got X Rayed for her sore shoulder, negative. She tells me that the swelling is still there and spreading and her eye is partially swollen shut. She looks like a raccoon. But she hopes to make it out to a hash this weekend.<<<<<
Meanwhile we partied into the night playing games. Just Robbie introduced a game on his cell, like charades, that had us going for a while. Other games were played and we were all in jammies and onesies. I finally went to bed and woke up next to Soul Taco. Now that is a lovely sight to wake up to. Love those bunk beds. See Sandy S., not everyone is terrified of being with me in a bunk house. In the morning we had scrambled eggs and baked bacon by Son Of Spam and then he laid another trail with Just Gus. After we were standing around a warm fire for circle in the warm sun, and in T-Shirts with the warmth of the sun beating down on us. Then we named Just Gus. It was close with Frozen Cum Scouts and Cum Scouts cuming in right after Moulin Couge. Spelling might be wrong. No, it is wrong. Whoever named him. lets get a correct spelling. Shortly after we headed out. Good time.

Sun Feb 16, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Le Shartiste hared from Parrots. I got there just after they left and I was told they went west. Yes, they did. About 20 feet and then they went south on Halsted. Meanwhile, they also told me there would be a beer stop at Oz Park. Since I found no marks west, I headed south looking for the beer stop and then I could follow it backwards. Not. They were already there and they had a little trouble finding trail into the park and the hares were late, or so I heard. Apparently the trail was mostly straight there. Hey, its is hash not a race. Anyway we were soon off on a mostly straight course right back to the bar. Sandy Syphillis played at being an R. A, Silent But Deadly fetched beer and One Fuck Chuck shouted over the R. A, constantly as he played beer wench, But we got through it and then everyone hung around the bar until the beer ran out and then some, especially Just Brad, bought more beer and continued drinking.

On On
Horn-E



Tale of the Trail
Tue Feb 4, 2020, The 4X2H4, Lifa will hare the 4X2H4 hash from the Shamrock Club. Lifa set this trail and chalk talk was at a parking lot nearby. I counted on my new cell phone and bus tracker and again arrived late, just after the pack took off. Damn. And I never saw them on trail. Nine bloody hounds and not a trace. Some Splits were marked and others I had to find on my own, but mostly predictable as we wandered over towards Michigan Ave and then north and west to La Salle and Division. Here I lost the trail for a bit but picked it up as it headed south. Then after some little park I lost it again. So I headed on south and through what was left of the old notorious Cabrini Green housing project. Mostly abandoned. Finally I saw the local security as I hit the populated area. Chicago PD. Felt a little more confident of getting out of there in one piece. Then I saw the local pimp come walking by. How did I know? He was wearing the prettiest damn full length fur coat I ever saw. Strutting along like he owned that town. And nobody lives there and wears clothes like that. But I just innocently jog on by and head south. Eventually I heard a whistle and shouts of On On and there was the pack under some trees in a little park, I flipped this fence, yes, this old man, and ran up to not drink beer as the circle was on going. Shortly after we were back at the bar where a few had a nightcap and the rest went on home. 

Thu, Feb 6, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Gay Dancer hared from Big Joe's and Mommys Little Accident co hared a live trail as it just snowed. We had eight hounds for this trail and with those two hares, you just knew someone would get lost on trail. Yes, of course Horn-E and the transplant. Big Long Thang. Hey guys, TH3 attendance is to low to lose transplants. But back to the trail. A Check at the first block quickly dispersed the pack and it was actually Horn-E who found the trail. We headed over to the local high school and park and that is where Horn-E fell behind again. But with bright marks on fresh snow, it was mostly doable and Horn-E plowed along following trail past unmarked Splits. Hmmm, Look right, go left, be right. The next one was go straight, be wrong, go left, be wrong, go back straight again and muuuch further and be right. Yeah, I'm falling further behind. I finally hit a Check and again go left and be wrong. Go straight and hit a triple Split marked right. After a long block with no marks and slowly checking all the way back I finally called it and headed back. Yeah, someone marked that Triple Split the wrong way. Sometimes/often a wrong mark is worse then no mark at all. On the way back to the bar I ran into the transplant, also lost. He had to leave early. Probably expected an actual 7:00pm hash and back by 8ish, not a 7:45 hash back well after 9:00. Usual big Joe's circle and a group hung on for quite awhile after circle. Good.

Fri, Feb 7, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Mommys Little Accident hared from Driftwood and we had another live hare. And red chalk on concrete which was hard to follow. The pack of nine was quickly dispersed at the first Check and the pack or parts of the pack missed many parts of trail and even the hare missed part of what he originally planned. Unfortunately that caught Double Meter Beater as he ran on almost to the lake front while the rest of the pack caught marks going back under the same bridge and we were soon at the beer stop under the El Tracks. After we went back to the bar and hung out there drinking Sam Adams Ocktoberfest beer and PBRs. We had a virgin sent by SnatchSquatch who wasn't even there. But welcome J. Adam. And a transplant who didn't get lost blown away on a windy night, Blown In The Wind. After the hash cash was spent, six of us ended up next door for Mex grub.

Sat. Feb 8, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Stiffy 4 Stiffies will hare from the Bar On Buena. We had 9 hounds waiting for this hash. There was a last minute change of time, to Noon, and two hashers, Just Gus and One Fuck Chuck showed up late and although they ran some, they really missed the hash. Maybe that was good. So, eleven overall. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was well worn out setting this trail with turkey trails and the overall length, the Idiot A Rod. We took off and worked our way to this tunnel to Lincoln Park. Actually Horn-E led us there due to a lucky short cut. But after the tunnel he took the Turkey trail and most went eagle. Looking back, Horn-E was joined by Son Of Spam and Its Too Soft. At Irving Park we headed into the park further south to find a Back Check. So we returned to Irving Park and Its Too Soft found trail. Yeah that Its Too Soft. Meanwhile Son Of Span found a mark he thought was heading south along the outer drive. So He and Horn-E followed that and found nothing. So we decided to keep going south to the next tunnel and return north there. But we found a mark coming back to the park and followed that south to Belmont. At Belmont, there was a Split with south being crossed out. But who? We thought we were ahead at this point and couldn't see how anyone passed us, but apparently the Eagles short cut something somewhere and they were ahead. But nothing else was marked as we headed west and struggled at the next Check. Here Son Of Spam ran into a police incident. Heading north from the Check he found a Triple split and headed west. He came to some strange letters on trail. YBF. That means You Be Fucked. But while trying to figure out what it meant he encountered some tough looking thugs. CPD. Next he is being questioned and tells them he is with a running club. Yeah sure. So they have him pinned to a fence and are frisking him and getting cuffs ready when Horn-E comes by. "Hey, whats going on. We're just with a running club, following a trail. It is all just a game we play to make running fun." "You mean he wasn't kidding. Alright, get out of here." And that is when Son Of Spam sees the trouble. It was the Mayor's security team. We got the hell out of there. I swear it's true. The rest of the trail was uneventful until suddenly all of the marks are marked. The pack is actually ahead of us. So we run on into the finish, the same beer stop as the night before and they were done waiting for us. We then went on to Michael's for pizza and beer. That is when the late comers finally contacted us and joined us for beer and pizza.
                                        
Sun Feb 9, 2020, 2:00pm. The Chicago Hash. I Eat Dick hared from 4645 N. Magnolia. More snow, wet and nasty so another live hare. The third live hare in four days. No one was going to catch her, but she still got 15 minutes. The trail was just a big, or maybe a medium circle going clockwise to the beer stop at the back alley of Mommys Little Accident. Eighteen hounds took off. I fell behind and tried to keep SnatchSquatch in sight with his big orange shirt. But I finally lost him on Broadway and suddenly I'm joined by our virgin from Sweden, Just Andre, and we walk of until we find the trail and then lose it at a Check. So we circle back going south to Lawrence and then west towards the beer stop. And just before we got there we saw the pack leaving and heading to the finish for warm grub and cold beer and a circle in the living room. Here we were introduced to our visitor, Little Willie from Phon Penh. CH3 is getting the best attendance this year. And we haven't seen the GM this year. Did we even see him in December. Maybe that is the solution. Dump the GM and attendance goes up. Quick, cancel the CH3 GM erections and lets get attendance back up. All hashes, throw out your GMs.

Tale of the Trail

Thu, Jan 23, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Silent But Deadly and Just Christian hared from Parrot's. When I got there the pack was already gone. If you can call that a pack. More like date night. Three blocks later I went the wrong way on a Split. Circling back I found a barely visible, (rain, snow, general wetness), Check. As I headed north I found the pack looking like two lost tourists looking for boys town. Later guys. We're at a check. Ooops. So I went south and worked a Triple Split. Upon returning they were gone. So I headed east a long block. Nothing. Finally found trail heading north and then east of Broadway. Soon back to Broadway there was a Split. Working alone here I headed north. Nothing. West and on into an alley and missed a turn. Nothing on Belmont so I ranged west and eventually found a Check at an alley. Soon Garmin ran up. "There are arrows everywhere. Finally found Its Too Soft. Arrow west on Belmont. Apparently a turn arrow was missing. So we ran on together, west and north past missing marks and Splits. I finally got the lead and at Clark I waited for the others. We regrouped and found a Check across from Redmonds. That was the last of the pack. Garmin went south and was not seen again until the bar. Horn-E went south and then west and ranging on a Split and kept going, hoping against hope to find trail again. Actually found an arrow by Masonic Hospital and was at the beer check a block later drinking a beer with the Hare, Just Christian and Its Too Soft. Yes, he was FRB. You can find trail if you leave the Check, and he did, Back at the bar there were two groupies waiting and we held a Moon Style laid back circle and all went home. Early. Miss those late night Thirstday bashes after hashes.

Fri Jan 24, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her were going to hare from the Wise Owl Drinkery. It was raining. Light but steadily on icy streets and side walks. Berts Special Friend took off on a live trail. Meat Inside Her drove the shag wagon home and started out cooking for this annual Asian New Year Hash. There were seven hounds and as usual, we were lost and Split up at the first mark, a Check. Son Of Spam finally caught up just before the shot stop. The King Of Bedbugs caught the hare just before the shot stop. Just Trevor saw him also near there and was second to the shot stop in a park by Lake and Ashland, about half way. Son Of Sam and Horn-E ranged from the last Check and found the trail On In to there. About five minutes later The Foam Queen, Its Too soft and Lower Wackoff finally came on in. We were also joined here by Ice Princess. On the second part of trail there was a Check at Lake and Ashland. The Foam Queen and Horn-E found that trail and we were off and running. Well, a few of us. Most just walked back to the finish, the hares house. The Foam Queen ran on to a Split and went the wrong way. Horn-E found the right way and yelled on and ran on and ran into a streak of correct guesses except once and stayed in front, yelling On until someone was seen behind. The one time he guessed wrong The King Of Bedbugs found it and Horn-E paralleled and was soon back in front and led on in to the finish behind the hares house. Finally inside, we found five groupies and held a circle. Finally Lower Wackoff showed up. No one marked trail and he ran the wrong way time after time but he never quits. Well done. Eventually suspended circle for Cafe Meat Inside Her. Damn good grub. Thanks. After circle we got into singing long songs for a while. Good time.

Sun Jan 26, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Lifa and Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up hared from the morgue at 6530 S. University for the annual snow hash and there was still some left. When I got there I found a mob. Well over 25 in attendance. About half just walked over to the park for a beer and then back. The rest of us, fourteen by my count, had a good trail. Start sucked as we ran around for a half mile to a mile and then back into their back yard. But then we were off and fairly straight towards Jackson Park. Then the trail got real good for the limitations of the local parks with some actual woods hashing and running across the golf course and such. We were scattered all over but mostly insight of each other for most of the trail. After that it was just a mile walk back to the morgue. Circle was held in the basement led by False Advertising. Then Hooch B4 Cooch took over and we held a naming ceremony for Just. Christian. He shall forever be known as Cockholme Syndrome. After that is was upstairs for good grub and more good grub. Hash elections have started for CH3 and ballots were passed out. Then we all quietly and slowly dressed and headed home.

On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 2, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from the Barrel for the second time. Last time it rained the whole trail and no one really found the whole thing, but a nice turnout that far south in heavy rain. This time we had nice weather and there was a great pack of damn good hounds. But the finishing order was all to predictable. You knew from the start that False Advertising would be FRB. And Horn-E would probably show up DFL again. That left the middle of the pack for everyone else. That's you SnatchSquatch. Yeah, only three hounds at the start. We took off to the west and followed False Advertising. But at the first Check, that old man took the lead. Yeah, like that would last. One Split and he was behind again. But it went from one to the other throughout the trail as short well placed and bright marks were everywhere. We finally got to her back yard for a beer stop/circle. Why outside? It is cold. After a few Down Downs we got to DFL and before the song finished The King Of Bedbugs arrived. He got to The Barrel late and ran on his own and since we didn't expect anyone else and had no chalk, we didn't mark most of the Splits and Checks. But damn it, he found us anyway. A few more DDs and I was cold and needed to pee and so after only two beers, everyone just went home. Huh. Why not go back to the bar, where it is warm, and have another beer or two. Really, the bar has a nice back room that looks great for a short circle.
 
Sun Jan 5, 2020, The Chicago Hash. This was another renewal of the Justs Hash with a new Just, Just Oriole. The other hares were Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam and Crotch Fire. We ran out of the Drum and Monkey. What a surprise. The largest regular hash in months. There were 22 hounds on trail. We even had 3 groupies show up at the On In. Did my rant last week help. Probably not. But a nice day for a hash anyway. We did a loop, so what else is new, that took us to Ashland, then through empty fields south of Roosevelt, (I remember when that area was all homes and such. Then there was this shooting in Memphis and all hell broke loose and it looked like the second coming of WWII or the Chicago Fire. I was there that terrible night and have about 80, 35 mm slides to prove it. Burning buildings all around us. But that is another story.), and over towards the U of I for a tour of the campus and back to the usual two block park for a beer stop. Mainly we held together pretty well. Of course, this was a Just Justs Hash so there were several shot stops where we regrouped. Back at the bar we circled around the usual shuffle board were Hooch B4 Cooch played at being a Religious Advisor. Then we had a naming for Just Oriol. His new name will be forever more, Double Meter Beater. After we hung around and slowly, well not to slowly, drank up all of the beer money. But Horn-E managed to sell a sweat shirt for beer money to our visitor, Mums The Word, for $20 and that bought us two more pitchers.

On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail

There were four hashes last week. Didn't make two because of a damn cell phone and missed CTA bus, and dual scheduling on the same day. That always sucks and hurts attendance, maybe, probably at both hashes. As I've said like forever, we need to avoid these things to maximize attendance all around.

On Sat 21 Dec. 2019 there was a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from Edgebrook Woods. We had an attendance of Seven Hounds. With the beautiful weather it could have been more, but for the scheduling of another hash on the same date. Trail headed straight for the tracks and a Check. but Lifa was right on the trail and we went south and into the lowlands along the river. After another Check the trail went over the foot bridge and then headed towards a Central crossing. Could have been a great Back Check here, but Lifa saw around it and the pack was soon headed east along the river. Several hounds looked far and wide to find a short cut and missed this part. We get too few chances for a good woods trail, why try to short cut around the hares planned trail. It was planned to give you a good run in nature. Enjoy it with the few checks and such designed to try to keep the pack together. So as I watched from across the river, the pack came by one at a time instead of close together. And then they drifted out of sight in the woods. About a half hour later Lifa led the pack into the finish, unmuddy but thirsty. We held circle right near were the beer was found, guarded by a dead, smelly raccoon. And here we pounded the perma frost until our shoes were good and muddy and we ran out of beer.
Then it was off to Lower Wackoff's were we held our anal Bushman Christmas Party with some good Korean food and snacks and Whores de Ovaries.  Good beer was also available and we were joined by a trio of Harriets who didn't run and all was good.

Sun, 22 Dec 2019, was a trail set by Its Too Soft and Soul Taco for the Chicago Hash out of the Hidden Shamrock. This was supposed to be a repeat of his original Santa Hat trail that led to the big Anthrax Scare. He was extremely hung over and late when he laid the original one and because it was getting dark, he laid it with huge amounts of flour. Ooops. Through the zoo. Ooops. I was on that trail and got lost like almost everyone. I got lost again. Three times this time. Either he hasn't gotten any better laying trail or I got worse following trail. Definitely slower. Then throw in the fact that there was another trail zig zagging through his planned course, using beautiful white marks, he had to use colored chalk. Blue still doesn't work in the daytime.
At the first check I followed Pony Pounder into an alley and saw marks. Ooops, they were white marks. Damn. And as soon as I realized that I emerged from the alley and there were colored marks. Great. Then at Broadway I saw what I thought was a hasher with a dog up ahead. A long block later there were no marks. So I ranged south looking for marks and finally gave up and headed for the park. This was supposed to be a replay of the first trail. At Diversey and Sheridan I found a Check. Whoppee, I'm back on trail. Finally. I searched several False trails and found many white arrows yet again. I finally ran into Dirty White Idiot from Boise leading the pack to the Check. Told him and others what I already checked and ran back to check another direction. I ended up following Kahl Drunko the Turd straight East and he yelled On. But it turned out to be another white mark, a check. Damn. So I spread out my search and headed in a big loop south, around the hill and by the Lagoon. More white marks and suddenly there is some runners from the pack yelling On to the south. How did they get there? I searched that area. But we were soon at a shot stop and there was the whole pack. How did they get there? From here it went south towards the Zoo and crisis central. I got caught by traffic and after that I lost the pack and saw  no marks into or in the zoo. I finally headed east and at Lincoln I found a very faded pink arrow. I'm back on trail and Gay Dancer flies right by me. and a few other hashers. What? We ran on to Sheffield and an eventual beer stop in a park at Wrightwood and there was most of the pack. Again, how'd they get there? After that stop it was over to Its Too Soft's roof deck for a very frigid circle I wasn't dressed for. Weren't we supposed to be re-running the original Santa Hat Trail. Indoor circle. Thankfully False Advertising didn't make this an hours long circle and we were finally warm and inside. Its Too Soft did his usual good job of hardy grub, Ham, Cheese Mac and corn. Beer flowed and all was good.

On On
Horn-E

HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer. Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done. 
I can't be held responsible for last minute changes. If you see something you might like to do, always verify at their web site for last minute changes or confirm with the hare

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all, and remember, there are many who won't be off visiting family and friends during these holidays. Well, many of our friends are hashers and this Wednesday, Christmas Day, Soul Taco and Hooch B4 Cooch are hosting the Whiskey Wednesday Hash, on it's regular date and offering those hashers and maybe some visitors, a chance for a refreshing run in warmer then normal weather and a chance to gather with friends. Join them.

Any visitors in town for the holidays and want to get out for a good run and some beer, check our schedule and come on out. We'd like to meet you.

Wed. 25 Dec  2019, 7:00pm, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch and Soul Taco will hare from 1353 N. Noble. This is Christmas Day and if there are any hashers not off visiting family, cum on over and enjoy a Christmas Hash instead and visit with your hash family. $? Hash cash. Thu, Dec 26, 2019, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Two Girls One Cupcake will hare from Twisted Hippo at 2925 W. Montrose, $10 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com

Fri. 27 Dec 2019, 7:00pm The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Pony Pounder is haring from Redmonds in Wrigleyville at 3358 N. Sheffield. $8 Hash Cash  
Sun Dec 29, 2019, 2:00pm. The Chicago Hash. Just Christian is listed as a hare, but no location. We may have visitors in town over the holidays and they would like a timely notice on where this hash might be. As would the rest of us. Please get your locations to the Hare Raisers in a timely fashion so they may do their part to increase attendance by letting hashers plan their schedules. $10 Hash Cash. ChicagoHash.com

Tale of the Trail

There were four hashes last week. Didn't make two because of a damn cell phone and missed CTA bus, and dual scheduling on the same day. That always sucks and hurts attendance, maybe, probably at both hashes. As I've said like forever, we need to avoid these things to maximize attendance all around.

On Sat 21 Dec. 2019 there was a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from Edgebrook Woods. We had an attendance of Seven Hounds. With the beautiful weather it could have been more, but for the scheduling of another hash on the same date. Trail headed straight for the tracks and a Check. but Lifa was right on the trail and we went south and into the lowlands along the river. After another Check the trail went over the foot bridge and then headed towards a Central crossing. Could have been a great Back Check here, but Lifa saw around it and the pack was soon headed east along the river. Several hounds looked far and wide to find a short cut and missed this part. We get too few chances for a good woods trail, why try to short cut around the hares planned trail. It was planned to give you a good run in nature. Enjoy it with the few checks and such designed to try to keep the pack together. So as I watched from across the river, the pack came by one at a time instead of close together. And then they drifted out of sight in the woods. About a half hour later Lifa led the pack into the finish, unmuddy but thirsty. We held circle right near were the beer was found, guarded by a dead, smelly raccoon. And here we pounded the perma frost until our shoes were good and muddy and we ran out of beer.
Then it was off to Lower Wackoff's were we held our anal Bushman Christmas Party with some good Korean food and snacks and Whores de Ovaries.  Good beer was also available and we were joined by a trio of Harriets who didn't run and all was good.

Sun, 22 Dec 2019, was a trail set by Its Too Soft and Soul Taco for the Chicago Hash out of the Hidden Shamrock. This was supposed to be a repeat of his original Santa Hat trail that led to the big Anthrax Scare. He was extremely hung over and late when he laid the original one and because it was getting dark, he laid it with huge amounts of flour. Ooops. Through the zoo. Ooops. I was on that trail and got lost like almost everyone. I got lost again. Three times this time. Either he hasn't gotten any better laying trail or I got worse following trail. Definitely slower. Then throw in the fact that there was another trail zig zagging through his planned course, using beautiful white marks, he had to use colored chalk. Blue still doesn't work in the daytime.
At the first check I followed Pony Pounder into an alley and saw marks. Ooops, they were white marks. Damn. And as soon as I realized that I emerged from the alley and there were colored marks. Great. Then at Broadway I saw what I thought was a hasher with a dog up ahead. A long block later there were no marks. So I ranged south looking for marks and finally gave up and headed for the park. This was supposed to be a replay of the first trail. At Diversey and Sheridan I found a Check. Whoppee, I'm back on trail. Finally. I searched several False trails and found many white arrows yet again. I finally ran into Dirty White Idiot from Boise leading the pack to the Check. Told him and others what I already checked and ran back to check another direction. I ended up following Kahl Drunko the Turd straight East and he yelled On. But it turned out to be another white mark, a check. Damn. So I spread out my search and headed in a big loop south, around the hill and by the Lagoon. More white marks and suddenly there is some runners from the pack yelling On to the south. How did they get there? I searched that area. But we were soon at a shot stop and there was the whole pack. How did they get there? From here it went south towards the Zoo and crisis central. I got caught by traffic and after that I lost the pack and saw  no marks into or in the zoo. I finally headed east and at Lincoln I found a very faded pink arrow. I'm back on trail and Gay Dancer flies right by me. and a few other hashers. What? We ran on to Sheffield and an eventual beer stop in a park at Wrightwood and there was most of the pack. Again, how'd they get there? After that stop it was over to Its Too Soft's roof deck for a very frigid circle I wasn't dressed for. Weren't we supposed to be re-running the original Santa Hat Trail. Indoor circle. Thankfully False Advertising didn't make this an hours long circle and we were finally warm and inside. Its Too Soft did his usual good job of hardy grub, Ham, Cheese Mac and corn. Beer flowed and all was good.

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

On Tue, 5 Nov, 2019, Lifa set a trail from First Draft for the 4X2H4 Hash. We had a large crowd, well, for 4x2, of six hounds. We headed north and to a check on Harrison and Wells. Trail was found by Berts Special Friend to the north and Horn-E was in hot pursuit. Yeah, like that kept up. Meat Inside Her quickly passed me and Pussy Up was right behind her. I never saw False Advertising and Its Too Soft again until the beer stop. I also lost the front group due to traffic lights. I crossed Wacker Drive and missed the Split on the other side. Now, as I headed north on Wacker Drive, It would have been nice it the front runners called ON so I could follow the pack going back south on the other side of the street. Maybe they did, but we all know I can't hear. So I went straight west to Canal. No marks. They were one block south running west to Canal and heading south. But I made a fatal decision here. Thinking that I must have missed a Split (I did), I assumed the hare would go north and eventually through the loop. So I ranged. Big mistake. I finally found that Split I missed and headed south and followed a fairly predictable trail that eventually crossed the Dan Ryan and through the U of I area and back east on Roosevelt. I finally found the pack at a beer stop in a little park just south of the bar. Back at the bar, the pack quickly dispersed and three didn't even stop for a drink. I thought we were a drinking club with a running problem.

Then on Sun 10 Nov. 2019, we had a double header. It started with a Big Dog Hash set by Gay Dancer from his house to near the start of the Chicago Hash. I understand about 8 were there and they had a long circle. Don't know anything else. 

But the Chicago hash came next, Sun 10 Nov 2019 and we had 10 on trail. The trail was set by Dr. Cockvorkian and a visitor, Thomas the Drank Engine. Thomas the Drank Engine then swept trail with Drill In My Box. The Miskas was cosed, but with fainr weather we met outside and took off. It started with a Check at the corner, but true trail sent south and east in the alley behind the bar. That had the pack really split and scattered everywhere. But we all finally got on trail and headed east and north. But with a scattered pack I quickly fell behind everyone but the sweeps. Then I missed a turn and ranged up to addison and over to Lincoln and didn't find a single mark. Because the trail didn't go that way you dummy. Finally back on trail I was now way behind even the sweeps. So as the trail headed north I made a good calculation that they would head over towards the river and the little strip of park along the river and just north of Belmont. And I was right. Unfortunately I still didn't see any marks andwas there before the pack arrived for the beer stop. Damn. So I ran on and eventually a found trail into a park and a B. Unfortuantely, that was the B from the Big Dog Hash. Damn. So I returned to the bar and some non runners were already gathering and eventually the pack arrived. Circle was led by Hooch B4 Cooch and the hares got there due. Then most left and there were about 20 more beers to finish. It is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. 

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

On Tue, 29 Oct. 2019, Lifa laid a trail for the First Crack of the Moon Hash from Christiana's for a nice moon pack of 7 hounds. I was late and trailing from the beginning until I used a porta potty. Then I came out like superman and found trail without finding the Check and found myself ahead of the pack until I got caught by a one block loop and I was soon back in the back of the pack. We were now near Taste the Rainbow and R2DoMe's house and an impromptu beer stop where we all shared a cup of a good beer. But it was then On and I was off ahead of everyone and didn't get caught until Berts Special Friend popped out of an alley behind Target. We ran on together until a Check. I picked wrong and off on two different Falses before I ended up following the right trail and near the back of the pack. Finally Tub Dumper passed me and now I was last. Then as a crossed a street, I was almost hit by a car. Yes again. I waved him on and he didn't move. So I did and suddenly he hits the gas and shoots right at me. WTF. I don't need another of those. But I ran on until a Check and saw the trail going further away from the finish and me way behind again. So I retreated, sort of and headed in the general direction of where the beer stop was supposed to be. There I picked up marks and a few blocks later I found myself running behind a super market where the hare was hiding in some trees with a cooler. A few minutes later, the real FRB came running on in, Meat Inside Her. Others on trail included Just Daniel, I Eat Dick and Its Too Soft. We held a quick circle and returned to Christiana's where we drank on.

On Halloween night, 10/313/2019. Sandng Ovation hared for The Thirstday Hash from Beaumonts, $1 domestic beer/$2 Craft beers. We should have a great crowd for this. Unfortunately we had the snowiest October day in history, Heavy wet snow. all day. I walked into the bar with Its Too Soft and Sanding Ovation knew she had to go lay the trail live. Sandy Syphilis also soon arrived and SnatchSquatch was already there. Four hounds. That is one fast hound, two slow ranging hounds and a check hanger. This isn't good. We took off north following Sandy Syphilis to a quick Check. She found trail to the north and a block later a Triple Split. I believe she went west. The trail didn't and we didn't see her until we returned to the bar after the beer stop. SnatchSquatch heaed east and found a Split at Oz Park, NW corner. He went south and found one mark. A block and a half later he got to Armitage and still no marks. He ranged and eventually found some trail and somehow eventually found the beer stop. Meanwhile I eventually followed Its Too Soft to the east and that same Split. I went north and he followed and no mark. So we returned and headed south. I found that one mark and nothing at the next intersection. DAmn. Its Too Soft went on and got to Armitage and no marks. I returned and found a missed turn into Oz Park. In the middle of Oz Park, a field of patchy snow and foot prints everywhere, there was a turn to the south and a Check at the hill. We never saw that turn. At the next path there were no marks and we spread out looking. I finely found a Split at an alley near the SW corner. We ran on in the alley and we were ON. At the end was another Split. I headed south and nothing. Returning I found Its Too Soft waiting at a Check at Armitage and Larabee. We worked the hell out of that corner and only found one very short arrow to the east and nothing else. We finally had to call it and checked Facebook and found where the beer stop was. Hate to have to quit. Sanding Ovation was laying her first trail in those kind of conditions and a larger pack might have found it.Her marks were mostly good, but there were some we just couldn't find, and that is the way it works. Back at the bar we held our small circle with probably the best beer we've ever had in a circle. Lauganitis. 12 pints for the four of us that were drinking. And the hash still made a big profit. And Sandy Syphilis and Sanding Ovation were the only two incostume well done ladies.

Then on Sun we had the Chicago Hash, Pumpkin Chunkin Hash from Chunder County with Chunder Pussy laying trail for 14(?) hounds. The CTA really screwed me. Three buses and two transfer and about 75 minutes of waiting time. I did manage to head to the beer stop and do a last minute loop of about aa half mile before the pumpkin chunkin. After we had the smokiest circle I can remember, and that wasn't Chunder Pussy's smoked meats. A fire that smoked more then burned. After circle there was good grub, as usual and then just hanging around in the back yard until I got a ride almost all the way home. Thanks wife of Back Door Drizzle.

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

The Bushman Hash was on 19 Oct from Caldwell Woods, recently declared an alcohol free zone. F*ckem. Horn-E laid trail for once. Like that never happened before. As I headed over to the start, I started laying trail along Devon, about a third of the way through the planned course. If there is ever a plan in the woods. Woods were relatively dry and I ran to a good Check Point. A big high False to the east caught Lower Wackoff later on, especially since he missed the Check. Lifa was already out of sight. But I get ahead of myself. Trail then went right down a small creek, mostly dry and a few up and downs. Finely out to the north and a Check. This one went back to that stream bed and where it meets another stream bed and straight up hill. Gotcha, a short distance later and back down to a check in the stream bed. Two good, obvious Falses to the north and the real trail headed east into some good woods running with another Check and a general counter clockwise loop and back to the west and into a newly planted prairie section with tiny spider trails everywhere. Great. From here trail crossed the bike path and a small loop along the river and back up to a large picnic area. Here I encountered a group of about 7 drunks bragging about being the ones who caused Caldwell woods to get closed to alcohol. But this was Bunker woods and it was legal here. And as I talked to them two cops drove up and sat there watching them. I decided to quit laying trail for the moment before they got on my case about marking trail with flour. I wet to the start and laid the first part of the trail. This gave the two hounds a great section of running on wooded paths. From here we crossed the river and along the south side of Devon along the river. Then I returned to the start and there were the two hounds. Damn. This would have been a great trail for about 6 to 10 hounds. But two it is. So they took off and I went out to finish the finish. The drunks and the cops were gone. Hmmm!!!. I laid a short trail down to the river and about 50 feet from the illegal Caldwell Woods on the other side of the river. Here we held a short circle when Lower Wackoff finally got in.

On 20 Oct. there was an Octoberfest hash set by Lost Her Penis from his house. I got there late and the pack was gone, but I found marks and followed trail. I'd like to say how good this trail was, but I'll plead the fifth. That is Fifth Ave. Almost a straight trail all the way to Garfield Park. By now, some of the marks were getting quite predictable and I headed north on the west side of the park. And most of the Splits were straight and I ran on to a Shot Stop in the middle of the park by some field house. Following trail after this was a failure. Real trail went further north to the end of the park and then back east to a beer stop and On In. Meanwhile I lost trail around that building and headed east looking for marks. Nothing, but I did find a nice trail to run to the east and finally out of the park on Lake. I followed this west and finally south and to the On In. And the beer was cold, buried in enough ice to last all fall. A few moments later the pack arrived. Good thing I didn't follow the true trail. Brats were put on the grill and a short circle was held and then more pretzels and brats.

Thu. 24 Oct. 2019 we had a Thirstday Hash set by Gay Dancer from Celtic Crown. We had 9 hounds on trail. Trail went east for two blocks and then south for about three short blocks. I was already way back and the pack was out of sight. They had a Split and headed west. After a block they crossed the street and there was another Split. Unfortunately someone marked the true trail to the east. Thank you. A bad mark is often worse then no mark at all. By the time I returned to that Split and headed west, to find the true trail, the pack was hopelessly out of sight. I managed to follow trail south past Irving Park and then west in an alley to a Split. I assumed trail went south, it did, but I headed north. Hey, I'm hopelessly behind. I went to Irving Park and then west. At the bridge over the river I checked both sides of the street for marks. None. So. assuming the pack went south to Addison and crossed the river, I crossed the river hoping to find marks at this big park. Bingo. I found a mark into the park at California. This was a False. but heading back to California there was a Triple Split. East was already out, so I headed north. Nothing. So I headed west and came to marks back into the park and on to a Check. I already ran Irving Park so I knew it couldn't go that way. So I headed north and came to a False. But trail still had to leave the park to the north so I kept going north and sure enough, there was a mark heading east and over the bridge. Over the bridge was a BN Check. From here I knew of three possible good beer stops and headed north. Finally On after two blocks I headed east and went a loooong way between marks before finding another mark and eventually On to the Beer Stop at the Gazebo. FRB. And about a minute later I Eat Dick and Silent But Deadly came running on in. A few more minutes and the pack arrived. So, hey, I short cut the trail a bit, thanks to a mis-marked Split. Then I Eat Dick admitted that she and Silent But Deadly also short cut some trail between Addison and Irving Park. So, we're even. SnatchSquatch led circle and Lifa brought out an oldie song and we had some good poetry getting a few laughs.

On 27 Oct, 2019, La Shartisie laid trail from Redmonds for the Chicago Hash. Costumes of course and he came as Lady Gaga. Maybe we should rename him. He looked so lovely. Trail headed north and kept going north and north as a small group of 10 hounds spread out. I was following as usual. I hit a check at Clark and Irving Park and it wasn't marked. but SnatchSquatch was about a block to the east so I followed. Following SnatchSquatch can be dangerous. Anyhow, there were no marks on the south side of the street, but apparently there were marks on the north side. So I missed the Split and turn heading under the El tracks. So did SnatchSquatch who headed north at the next block. I decided that I was not on marks and legitimately ranging looking for marks and kept heading east. Smart move. At that Split I missed, trail went north to a shot stop and then east and through a pedestrian tunnel to Lincoln Park. From here it went straight south. Now here is where I got lucky. I found no marks but was assuming trail went to Lincoln Park and when I got to the Outer Drive I saw Lifa in the park at Irving Park and heading south. He also missed the beer stop and was leading, well, no one. They were doing shots. So I paralleled Lifa and with his bright yellow shirt I was able to see him across the Outer Drive. At Addison there was a Split. Guessed right. I headed south and Lifa came through a tunnel and was soon following me, and passing me. We got to Broadway and ran into a mob of tiny little curtain climbers in costume blocking the sidewalk from any semblance of running as they did their trick or treat thing in every shop, restaurant and bar on Broadway. At Belmont the trail went west and got predictable as it headed to a familiar beer stop. And there was Lifa over a garage with two beers. It was about 10 or 15 minutes before the rest of the pack arrived. Back at the bar Lifa led circle and we were joined by some of the usual groupies.

On Thu, 10 Oct, 2019, Hooch B4 Cooch laid a trail from Beaumonts for about 10 hounds including 3 visitors from  Taipai in town for the Chicago Marathon. Trail was set with flour due to the impending rain. At the first Check the pack got split up and I finally found trail for some in the back heading down an alley. At the end of the alley was a Split and I missed the next arrow to the west, with flour on a wall. Headed east with Its Too Soft and found nothing. Returning, Its Too Soft finally found that turn mark. After that we struggled missing a lot of marks until the rain finally started. I woosed out and Its Too Soft managed a few more marks before quitting himself at a dead end. But we all managed to get to the beer stop okay. After, Hooch B4 Cooch ran a nice circle and everyone settled into Lite beer. Yech. I just went and bought my own, Lauganitas pints at $2. A good beer is worth it.

Sat 12 Oct 2019, was the Big Dog Hash. After over ten years, Its Too Soft set his first Big Dog Hash as a seasonal closing of his roof deck. All set for a nice sunny day and a large pack. Its Too Soft laid his best trail ever. But apparently the unseasonable chill was to much for the younger hounds as they hadn't gotten there thick winter coat yet and the only ones who managed to show up averaged 64 years young. No walkers there. And as long as they keep running they'll avoid walkers for some time. But will all of those young hashers who were to afraid of the cold. Nah! Well maybe not. We did manage to sort of stay together until Horn-E really screwed up the finish. FRB was Lifa and Pony Pound Her came in the middle. We held a nice circle on the roof before settling down inside for a few more brews.

Sun 13 Oct 2019 was the annual Chicago Area Hashers Marathon Beer Stop at the Chicago Marathon at mile 23. Those that arrived early enough saw a women on course for a world record marathon. And our own speedster, I Eat Dick came by for a quick beer on her way to getting a sub 3:00 hour time. Well done. We had about 30 hashers contributing beer, time, pouring, handing out and cleaning up. We are well appreciated by the marathoners including Chicago area hashers, other hashers and  countless marathoners who really love us and what we offer them. Thanks to all that helped. I did hear that Bi Holer had to cut short her attempt due to some sort of injury. Hope she is okay.

Then when we ran out of beer, we headed two blocks west for the Chicago Hash, 13 Oct 2019 out of Turtles and set by Mudsucker. I was to damn tired and didn't run, but 8 hounds did and Lifa was FRB. Again. Over achiever. There was a beer stop at Mudsucker's back yard. The circle was on the side walk right next to some entertainer, just inside the bar, trying to sing. We did our best to out sing him. That is, until he sang Ring Of Fire and the hash joined in with 'Bushman is the greatest hash'. I finally headed home and got on the El eight hours after I got off for the marathon. And I was damn cold the whole time. About 45 to 50 degrees and over 35 mph winds all day.

We finally finished the week with a Chicago Full Moon Hash on Mon 14 Oct 2019 at Barrelman's and set by Horn-E for 5 hounds. Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Its Too Soft, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend. I took off with Wanky Wonky for beer and headed to the beer stop. Meanwhile the pack had to run my devious trail. How did they do? They didn't complain and I saw Lifa's GPS. He bragged about scoping out two Back Checks before doing them. Yeah, but I caught him on almost every other trap and trick I tried so all was good and the pack sort of came in together. And now Lifa is bragging about coming in first three times in a row. A good sign. The beer stop was in this narrow section of shiggy along the Metra tracks. This might be the last time for that spot as they are planning a Metra Stop there starting next spring with construction. Well, we had one more time. We circled up in the bar and did our best to out sing the footballs fans cheers as we held a nice laid back Moon Hash circle.

On On
Horn-E

On Mon 30 Sep 2019, Chicago Hash set its last Mon hash of the year. Set by Sandy Syphilis and Drill IN My Box from Local One. We had about 12 hounds set for this trail on a beautiful night. Everything was perfect, except the hares got a late start and decided to set separate trails, with Drill In My Box setting the first half to a beer stop at Soul Taco's house and Sandy Syphilis setting the second half to a beer stop a block away. Drill In My Box decided to start her trail about two blocks away so hashers wouldn't see marks on the way to the bar. Sandy Syphilis would bridge that gap just before the hash. Ooops. One hares marks stopped just across the street from the other hares check and no marks pointing that way. It had to be 15 minutes before the pack figured that out. After that they struggled on the first half with marks they couldn't find. I got as far as North and Halsted and left the pack looking for the On In marks. I was successful and found my way back while the pack had about 6 miles to the halfway point. It was over two hours before the pack all came on in. Then back at the bar they couldn't find a willing hound to act as Religious Advisor. They finally dragged our some old fart named Horn-E, the third regular R A for Chicago Hash from back in the eighties. Was that 1880 or 1980? He held a perfectly shitty circle and the hares drank a higher percentage of down downs then I can remember. But all shitty circles eventually come to an end and we drank on. 

Then came Tue. 1 Oct 2019. Lifa resurrected 4X2H4 and False Advertising hared from Jefferson Tap. Would anyone show. Six hounds. Wow. We took off at exactly 7:00 and struggled a bit until we finally passed through a hole in a fence and tried to find marks on the Metra tracks. Not. So we ran on to the next road and the late arriving Meat Inside Her found an arrow and ended up leading us most of the way around the area just N. E. of the loop. We were now six and managed to stay close together until we hit a Check at Grand. I was last in and first heading east. Not On, but right across the street as Meat Inside Her finally found a second mark, a Split on the north side of the street. I joined her and headed east and found the third mark. We yelled ON, but about two blocks back, at the Check, Its Too Soft and Just Do Me Slowly didn't hear us. So, they sort of got left behind. Yes, Its Too Soft, it happens when you go out and Check and return and everyone is gone. Part of the game and it happens to us all the time. Enjoy looking for trail. We ran on to the next Check and I naturally headed the wrong way. When I returned, the other three were gone. But I struck out and eventually found trail heading east and eventually picked up on trail and next found Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend checking near the tracks on Grand. I headed over the bridge and eventually found the trail and Berts Special Friend followed and when I came to a False, he found the on out trail. We were soon joined by Magnetic Muff and the four of us struggled on marks and worked out way to Orleans and Wacker Dr and eventually back to the bar. There was False Advertising waiting with beer just past the bar and out of his trunk. About five minutes later Just Do Me Slowly and Its Too Soft came on in. We held a short circle and everyone was soon on out.

Then came Thu TH3 Hash on 3 Oct 2019 from Archies Iowa And Rockwell Tavern. The hares were Just Gus hoping for a naming on his virgin trail and Horn-E who would try to show him how to lay good marks after the last two trails. Actually that part did work. By the end of setting trail, Just Gus was looking up constantly to see if his marks would be under street lights in the dark. And the marks were white or near white, chalk and drywall. We laid a zig zag trail over to Humboldt Park, past alligator Cove and back south through the park and finally city running back to the bar. Initially set to be an A to B, I was going to set the last mile while Just Gus followed a great pack along trail so as to learn how the pack found our marks and reacted to them. The best way to learn how your marks work. Meanwhile, I would set the last part f the trail and return to the beer stop with a ton of beer. Nix that. I disappointing pack of only three hounds showed up. They took off with Just Gus following according to plan and finished between 45 to 60 minutes with little difficulty running trail, but staying relatively close together. They didn't bitch in circle. So I guess we did okay. The beer stop was in Just Gus's back yard and then we headed back to the bar for a laid back circle and $2 cans of Hamms. For those of you that missed it, this was a very friendly bar that many of you would hang out in if it was in your neighborhood. Well Done hares. Wait, thats me. Shitty trail assholes.    
                          
Well, now we come to another Chicago Hash, on Sun, 6 Oct, 2019 set by Pony Pound Her from the Pony Inn. Wow, just four days ago we only had 3 hounds and now we had 22 hounds on trail. But, back to marginal marks, red chalk. It doesn't work anyway near as well as white. But we struggled on and eventually came to a beer stop at G & L Tap. I ran on and found trail right away, at an alley a half block west. First alley, okay, Next alley, no marks. Returning I found a mark off to the side in a driveway before the second alley. Okay. A half block west and a Triple Split. I guessed right and three marks leading into the next alley. I never saw another mark in that alley and I went over it three times. WTF. Red chalk??? I finally went a half block west to the street and again, no marks. All of a sudden the pack finally left the beer stop and caught up with me and Silent But Deadly was making some white marks including where I saw no marks. Kind of lets the air out of the balloon of enthusiasm. From here on I just followed and managed to stay in front of the walkers. This led to a Check at Western. The pack again missed marks but eventually found trail south on Western and we just ran straight for six blocks to across the river. (To much Western), A hundred yards later was a shot stop. After this it was over to Diversey and east and south east to Wrightwood and under some tracks. From here I ended up walking and walking straight east for a mile to the bar called Tapsters. (To Much Wrightwood). A nice bar I found a few months back where you buy beer by the ounce and try whatever you want. We were on PBR and it as about a dollar a pint so the beer really flowed. False Advertising led us in a circle where we met several virgins and visitors. And then we kept drinking. Eventually Hash Cash paid for a few samples. Then it was back to PBR. A few week ago Lifa gave me over 25 hash shirts he wanted to just give away. I suggested selling them for hash beer. So, I'm bringing them around, about 5 at a time, mainly for newbies that need a hash shirt. The idea is, if you see a shirt you like, pay what you think it is worth and I will put that money into hash beer. And just as I sold one for $10, we ran out of hash cash and we quickly had another 10 beers on tap. Hey, it works and really recycles. These are either new or lightly used. Check them out. When I left there was still about 10 hashers drinking on.

On On
Horn-E
On Tue, there was a 4X2 Hash from Monks Pub. Actually a decent short trail set by Snotcho Mama with a lot of Backchecks and Falses and Checks to keep the pack together. Unfortunately there was only one hound, Horn-E and so there was no need to keep the pack together. And Horn-E found almost every False and Back Check and wrong directions at Checks turning a 3 mile trail into over 4.5. Damn. Then we stopped into Ogilvie Station for a quick beer so the hare could catch an early train. I looked at the taps and ordered a Founders. The hare ordered a Pinball. I tried to pay for my own, but he insisted on buying me a beer. He then got the bill on his credit card and it was $27. Unfreaking believable. Then the bar tender said that was because I got a large glass. It was only a freaking pint. We looked at the menu (provided after we ordered). Unbelievably Founders was listed at $17 for only 12 ounces. And I was poured 16 ounces. I sat there looking for the gold flakes floating in the beer. It was a stout and I've had three different ones since them and they all tasted better. WTF. If you ever have the urge to order a Founders beer. beware and make sure you get the price before ordering.


Tue had Lifa laying a trail from the Shamrock Club for the 4x2H4 hash. A turnout of only three hounds, but we managed to stay together for about a half hour. Then Snotcho Mama found a Check and was long gone before I even found we were at a Check. A little bit of snow and occasionally darkness and a few marks were missed. I missed the one to that Check. But Its Too Soft and myself eventually got back on trail and ran and checked, yes, Its Too Soft had to also, and the two of us ran on and on until we lost trail at a Check on Milwaukee. We ranged back towards the bar and I finally suggested that the trail might go to this little park along the river. There we found Snotcho Mama and Lifa. A quick beer and we were gone, back to the bar where no one even went in. Damn, I needed another one. One Hour and fifty minutes on trail for only four miles.  Check.

Thu was a virgin lay by Just Wendy and a co hare, Fetus Envy. Yeah, trouble there. Eleven hounds as we took off from Galaway Arms on an A to B trail. Mostly south at the start and I ended up behind with Son Of Spam and suddenly I spotted a T n E mark. Not mentioned in circle, but since the pack already left us behind to run around the lagoon by the zoo, we headed north. Eventually the trail came out of the park about a block north of the start and we found a Check at an alley. Also was a SN mark. I headed north into the alley and after going around a turn I found the third arrow and blow my horn. By now the main pack was catching up and Roofie Ragu ran on by me followed by the strung out pack. Unfortunately the Shot Stop went to the south in the alley. Lesson learned. The shot stop needs to be on true trail. Ooops. I heard only one person found it. We ran on with some difficulty due to turn arrows around corners causing us to miss a lot of them. We finally ended up in an alley for a beer stop and then a long walk to Galaway Bay for the B. We finally held a circle and the hares got there due.

Sat was a trail out on Woods on South Harlem for the Big Dog Hash, set by False Advertising. WE actually had 18 hounds. Instructionms were that we would be following little flags on the end of wire and every mark was a Check. We, they weren't and mostly easy to see the next mark and the pack was soon stretched out. I was running in back with Lower Wackoff and eventually three late comers passed. Well, two of them. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was running slow and hung over and even Horn-E beat him to the shot stop. From here we had to find the next flag and dig under neath it for something pointing the way of the true trail. It was a dirty skanky used and sticky dildo. And someone actually carried it back without a hazmat bag. Trail back was then relatively simple and straight forward. But Lower Wackoff still got lost and ended up following the flags backwards to find circle going when he got in. Good circle, Big Dog style. Then we had some quick grillables before the cold pack headed for warm kennels back home.

Sun was set by Rumple Stealskids and Ritlin Cum Bubble setting trail for CH3. Started alright and we were together for three blocks until the fist Check. Most of the pack was checking to the east when the trail was found to the south. Unfortunately the four of five of us that did that were left behind because the rest of the pack wandered east and picked up on trail and were gone. By the time I got out of the Target parking lot, I could see only two hashers in the distance headng east and then north. So I headed north and eventually was able to spot both Lifa and TampOn TampOff because of their green and red jackets. I followed the red jacket and headed north on California. Somewhere I lost him but found myself following another red jacket just jogging around this park. Ooops. But this did lead me to an On Back Check. After finally solving that, it was relatively straight back to the beer stop. Lifa, also running not on pack came up behind me and ran on. We got to the beer stop only to find SnatchSquatch waiting. He also was off trail, but had seen the Beer Stop on the way from his house. Sneaky bastard. And there we stood for about forty-five minutes before the pack arrived. Back at the bar we held a quick circle. The best entertainment was watching Its Too Soft fall asleep sitting on a chair three minutes into circle. After Circle the pack was gone quicker then a work force during an ICE raid in a meat packing plant. WTF.

Last Week: 
On Tue, we had a First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Ice Princess and Jizzy from Weathermark Tavern. We had nine hounds on trail as they wound us around the south loop and into Grant Park and finally the usual park near the bar. Then we had a sitting circle in the bar and got around to naming Just Wendy. I was hoping for Ecuahor but we finally settled on, and I hope I have this spelling right, Delta Ten Freakquency. No I don't know why.

Thu, brought us our weekly Thirstday Hash from Irish Eyes and set by Furry Spice and Soul Taco. We had 15 hounds on trail and we ran to a quick shot stop within two or three blocks. From there it was north along Clark and then to the west. A big loop to the south and the usual park a block away for a quick beer stop. Then it was back to the bar for a quick circle.

On Sat morning Sandy Syphillis hosted and hared a Rag Time Hash from her apartment. Don't know who, what or anything else, but I'm sure it was a good time with lots of Champagne and brunch thingies.

The Bushman Hash was on Sat and Horn-E laid trail from Leckowitz Woods. This was to be the usual flower hash, but with the cold spring, I could barely spot a few hundred buds as compared to the usual millions of yellow flowers. So I set off to lay a normal Bushman trail. As I walked the trail I came near Caldwell Road. I try to avoid being near roads whenever possible, but trying to avoid wetlands for the pack, I came up to the road and along comes a car. Someone yells On On, but I don't recognize him in the shadows of the back of the car. I yelled out something to me, but I couldn't understand him with the traffic noises and he wasn't speaking English. He was speaking Australian. Duh. Somehow he found the start and at 2pm, with no one around, he took off on trail until the local tree police showed up. He then came back to the start and there was the pack forming. Two non runners, bad knees and hips, The Gas Stop Bob and Or G. But we had R-Tard-E, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising waiting to actually run. The Aussie is Just Steve and he will be around in the next several weeks. So the pack of four was soon off and I headed with the beer for the B stop along the river with the non runners. Eventually we saw the pack on the other side of the river while we were bird watching. Several hawks, either looking for lunch of feeling the warmer spring weather and looking for a comapnion. We had a cooler of beer and a nice easy going circle before heading to the Nil for a few more pitchers. And False Advertising took off quickly with the visitors bag in his trunk. Ooops. And we didn't have his phone number. But Gas Stop Bob managed to locate Lifa somewhere around the world and he came up with the number and False Advertising had to return to the bar and have another beer. Poor boy. 

Now Sun was a way out of the normal range of the Chicago Hash as we ran from Rainbow Beach at 77th St and the Lakefront. Almost two hours for me to get there by pubic transit. And I barely made it before the pack was off. SnatchSquatch and Hobo Piss were the hares and Hobo Piss did a good job of sweeping for 14 hounds as we entered unknown territory. South through the park and then into old factory zones, now looking like a war zone without a building in sight, but many old roads and fields of shiggy. And the trail went on and on to the south and I was barely able to keep the leaders in sight and occasionally caught a little bit of a short cut. Eventually I saw the pack heading west and over Route 41 at 87th St. Another huge field and I found myself with a bit of a short cut and chasing FRBs across the field and near these huge concrete walls. I mean thick like fifteen feet at the base. We went towards the lake and finally around one of the walls and to a beer stop. Here we had a beer as hashers climbed over the no climbing signs and enjoyed the view. Then we were off again around the next wall and into the rape tunnel. Actually a long tunnel in the wall with many openings. This was all part of the old abandoned U. S. Steel plant and this tunnel had a purpose, but for us, it was something different to run through. At the end we ran along a slip from Lake Michigan. Probably for the old ore boats. No, not whore boats. Then we had to climb over the slip and past the dead birds floating below in the polluted water. From here it was back towards the lake and then long fields like we already ran with high weeds and abandoned roads to a final beer stop. Then a short run back through the park to the finish. We got out a grill and started cooking dogs and burgers and held a freezing circle in the cold winds off of the lake. From there I got a ride with Stiffy 4 Stiffes to the north side and saved over an hour travel time. Interesting historic hash. Someday it will all be sterilized housing and fancy parks and same ole same ole city running.

On Thu 12 Apr, 2018 we had a Thirstday Hash set by Putt Putt In The Butt from Dickens Street Pub. We had a nice pack of 14 hounds as he headed east on Dickens. A block later was a triple Split. The true trail went right to Armitage, around the block and back to Dickens Street. I believe half the pack went straight east at the Triple Split and found that short on back trail and the pack was now split up a bit. By the time I got there, the pack was mostly gone and I saw two hashers disappearing into the park on the north side of the street. I followed, but found no marks. As I headed back. Lifa came along and yelled he was on one from the Check. Check? I followed and we headed into the park. Trail went around the lagoon and suddenly became blue chalk in the dark, and shadows and on asphalt. The larger pack might have been able to see that last Split where I lost Lifa, but I didn't. More pink and blue marks on through the park and a check. Swept to the south, but no more visible marks that I could find. So I abandoned the attempt and headed into the city and down North Ave. After a few blocks there was suddenly a hidden arrow. Back on, I managed to follow the rest of the trail without problems, despite some mysterious marks and suddenly I was at B in Oz Park and there was the pack. Back at the bar we drank PBR tall boys and held a nice circle. 

Sat. Apr 14, 2018, was The Big Dog Hash set Crotch Fire. We had eight hounds. Well, six running hounds and two walkers under a big yellow umbrella, Zone 2 and Let Me Blow. Unusual trail. After the first right turn arrow, there was nothing but Triple Splits and Checks and all were left turns or straight as the trail was an ever widening spiril from the start until a final right turn and a left turn to a straight run of three blocks down an alley an On In. We ended up in the garage, heated with a wood buring cast iron stove and we were soo  holding circle while our hare cooked two deep fat fried turkeys. Delicions. . Eventually cums On All bases arrived with some desert for us. Thanks and Cum again.

On Sun, Apr 15, 2018, we had a Chicago Hash set by False Advertising from Burwood Tap. Injured, yes again, I followed the pack of nine other hounds, walking as they headed south on Halsted. That was about all I saw of the trail. Went through Oz Park and then the Zoo and who knows where. I managed to walk that part not on trail, but on the word of the hare. First time I ever went through the zoo and didn't see a single animal. Not even a sparrow or a squirrel. The beer stop was in the nearby playground and then back to Burwood for a fun circle and plenty of pitchers of beer.

Tue Apr 3, 2018, was another 4X2H3 Hash. Snotcho Mama hared for a wild pack of Horn-E and Lifa. And there were enough twists and turns and back checks that even Horn-E led on occasion. A few quick beers and we were on home.

Then on Thu, Apr 5, 2018, Stiffy 4 Stiffies laid a hash for his birthday from Celtic Crown for TH3. Two in bar beer stops and an outside bourbon stop and about 6 miles. The first one was at Christina's, home of the $3 Guinness. Damn inflation. Used to cost $2. But the bar is rehabbed and looking really nice. We had 13 trail hounds and a few who rode along with the hare to the various stops. Celtic Crown was upstairs for once and we had a nice circle.
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....

Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird n was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle BirdSun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffysand a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. The trail was laid by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....

Wed 28 Mar, 2018was a Whiskey Wednesday Hash and Glory Hole and Bi Holer laid trail from Haymarket Brewery for 9 hounds. We headed towards the loop and then north towards Lake and over the river. I was heading further east when the trail was found on Orleans over the river and north. I followed and somehow missed an arrow pointing down some stairs to Kinzie St. I'm not only getting slow, now I going blind. I looked for that mark and somehow didn't see it. Five to 10 minutes of searching and ranging and I get back to that arrow I missed heading down the steps. I bent over and asked some cute girls to give me a swift kick in the ass for being so damn blind. Damn, they did. The last one almost sent me flying down the stairs. But I ventured on and followed trail until I caught the pack at a Check at Milwaukee just north of Grand. We had one virgin on trail, J. Tiffiny, and she was the one who finally bailed out the hash and found trail in virgin territory between two buildings. From there it was a relatively easy trail heading south to the west loop area and over to the hares Condo for the On In. In his Condo we held a short, laid back circle and let the hares know what we thought of their trail. And their whiskey which the pack devoured.
 
Thu, 29 Mar, 2018, we had a Thirstday Hash with Silent But Deadly and Loin Dick II laying trail from Redmonds for seven hounds. Silent But Deadly Gave me shit in the circle for criticizing her trails in the past as long straights and few marks. Well, this one really started out good. Lots of marks, bright and white. Splits and Checks and turns. But for some reason the pack got quickly strung out. Hmmm. Then as I was running along trying to keep the back in sight, I got stopped by some young lady who ran up behind me and asked me about my horn. Her parents, Icelanders, got a bigger one for their 25th Anniversary, all engraved and such. Well, now I'm five minutes behind. I run south from Addison and then over to Lake Shore Dr. Now the nice twisting trail get back to form. Long straight, four blocks without  a turn including one entire block without a mark. Finally just before a Check, Just Wendy came up behind me. Wrong way on a few Splits. The Check was marked right and then crossed out. So we went south. When in doubt, go straight. Two marks and then another block without a mark. So we figured we had to miss something and went right to Broadway. Nothing. We ranged north on Broadway and still nothing. J. Wendy finally went back to the Check to try further. I was not going to keep up with her so I ranged back south thinking the trail had to go south and I never saw another mark. meanwhile, J. Wendy found the trail over to the park and another long straight all the way to north of Addison. Then around Wrigley and south to a school yard where the hounds found a beer stop with no beer. Then the hares arrived with beer and took off for the warmth of Redmonds leaving the pack standing there in the cold. Back at the bar Gay Dancer eventually led us in a long circle. Then Silent But Deadly pressured me to okay the new price increases to $10. For the record, I suggested $8 exact change or $10 over the summer to get everyone used to the idea. Normally I prefer the lower costs and passing the hat for those that want to keep drinking well into the night. Light drinkers or those that have to leave early shouldn't have to pay for those that never quit, like Horn-E. And I've been last out more times then you've hashed.

30 Mar, 2018, Good Friday meant a good hashing Friday and Lower Wackoff would lay us a good trail from Yackoo's for the Chicago Full Moon Hash. We had seven hounds heading out through a maze of city streets before a Check at a park that would hopefully lead to the local golf course to run in the dark. By now, Son Of Span was already a hero. He found a senior citizen collapsed on the sidewalk from a fall. No, not Horn-E. He helped the old man up so he could continue his monthly walk to his girlfriends house where they could pray for a glorious raising of a member of past glory. When laying trail, Lower Wackoff found that the local border security agents had repaired the fence. So he had to plan a course around the course before finally getting into a bit of short woods running that led to the beer stop on a cliff over the river and under a beautiful Blue Moon. And it was ably guarded by Bingo and her new friend. Meanwhile Horn-E knew Lower Wackoff wanted to run the golf course and ran/walked to the usual hole in the fence. Damn. repaired. But the local wet backs, or just local neighbors had already set up some logs to aid in climbing the border wall. So, he did. He wandered around the golf course looking for marks and enjoying the peaceful solitude as he worked his way to a hole in the fence they didn't repair. From there it was under Devon along the river and a nice jog on forest paths and such along the river until he also made it to the beer stop. After a couple of beers we headed back to Yackoff's for good pizza and beer and a second circle. We then named Bingo's new friend. She passed the questions with many surrogates answering questions in her behalf. Several names suggested were Queen, Spelling, Quilting, Busy and the final two, Ada and Honey. She will forever more be known as Honey and she will guard our beer with threats of stinging and cross pollination.

31 Mar 2018, Now we come to Marathon Training, I mean the Chicago Hash, Easter Sunday preview, now known as Passover hash. Three Jews, no, not three wise men, three Jews, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie and Roofie Ragu had a great idea. The Jews left Egypt and wandered around in the desert for forty years or whatever. So they were going to have us wander around Chicago for forty miles. Well, not actually. Lifa clocked only 11.5 miles. Then Moses, I mean Roofie Rago laid most of it. Twenty three hounds took off on this great adventure. Some actually finished. There were four beer stop where beer might be available, but there was also a bottle of Maniscevitz to consume as well. There were also games to be played at each stop. I managed to get to the first beer stop after being slowed down by an unmarked back check, a Split that had me going the wrong way in an alley (really one of the best alley treks in Chicago), and four Falses withing a hundred feet of each other after. By then they had taken off on the second leg of trail. It was already 50 minutes for me. Since they were already gone, I grabbed a beer and settled in with the other quitters. But I did beat Zone 2 who also fell back and got stuck in the falses. Must have gotten them from the Dead Sea Scrolls. The hash was set to end at the TrojanJew B & B for circle and some good kosher grub. I had to leave just as they all got there. I'm sure it was a good circle and good time. But 11.5 miles. That cost us one virgin. But welcome to J. Alex. They all aren't that long.

We started with Horn-E Mar 20, 2018, laying a short trail from Big Joe's on Tue for the First Crack of the Moon Hash. Expecting the usual small crowd, I was surprised with nine hounds, a bigger pack then the following CH3 and TH3. WTF. But anyway, they were off through the close by tunnel and along a strip park by the Metra Tracks. And this pack was moving. I circled ahead and saw Meat Inside Her leading after the Second Check. Then I retreated to that strip park where I found a great little beer stop. They wandered around on trail until they headed back to that tunnel where I corrected one mark heading the pack back into the tunnel and back to that strip park. I also added a B at some evergreen trees that had a slight gap between them to an inside teepee type of area. Perfect for the beer stop. Hobo Piss ran right by it, but Berts Special Friend spotted the B and came in as FRB. Lower Wckoff was just a few minutes behind as DFL. The pack was together and we eventually held a pre-circle in that evergreen tent. But it was still a bit windy so we retreated to Big Joe's for a second Circle and more beer. Thanks to Cock Whisperer, we had about 20 beers donated for the beer stop. Warm, but I quickly spread them around on the ground and they were cool enough for the pack.

Thu Mar 22, 2018, was a TH3 trail and a last minute hare stand in, SnatchSquatch, haring out of Nesai Lounge. Lame again, I couldn't run so I eventually walked over to the beer stop where I counted seven hounds on trail. First in was Just Jenelle followed by Fetus Envy, andeventually the normal FRB types, Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck who both ran amok and added up over seven miles of trail as they came in DFL. There was a total count of seven house puppies, the lame and lazy and those that just don't run. Half non runners. WOW. Circle was held in this strip park by a cemetery and ended abruptly when two squad cars came by with lights flashing.

Sat Mar 24, 2018, was a Rag Time Hash set by RumpleStealsKids from her house. Missed it and don't know what happened.

Sun Mar 25, 2018, was a CH3 Hash set by Fetus Envy and Ball Cock Dumper from Weathermark. This was after the annual Beer in the Box. That means, many hashers ran the morning 8K Shamrock Shuffle and then got free beer tickets from any non drinking runner they could find and drank ON and ON. A bunch ended up at the start, but weren't running. Finally three hounds showed up. I was still lame, thank God. They took off running and ran and ran and ran. Well Lifa did. One visitor, a walker who walked along with the hares to the beer stops. That left two runners and a T and E trail. WTF. Lifa managed the Eagle alone and did 9.73 miles. Two hours to the second beer stop. Menstrual Casserole and I walked over, about a mile, and apparently got there just after Lifa. I handed over the Hash Cash to the hare and they started Circle. I sure wasn't dressed for an outdoor circle and soon left the freezing hares and hounds. Furry Spice was also there, I don't think he ran, but he did have on new shoes and in the cold, he took off both shoes and drank out of them while standing in bare feet on the cold ground/grass. Well done.
On Thu, Mar 15, 2018,  Loin Dick 2 laid her virgin solo trail for TH3 and 9 trail hounds. It will live on as a trail from hell. Well, not really. The course was nicely planned, map and all. The execution was off. The marks were good, when you could find them and when they actually pointed the right way. To put it simply, more marks, closer together, each mark points to the next mark, and you can't go from one side of the street to the other and back again without indicating such. I probably ran about three miles and was only a mile or so into the course when I decided to let it go. On the way back to the bar, I decided to check the usual park where we hold a lot of beer checks. Yep, there she was, all smiles. It was 20 minutes before Silent But Deadly arrived and she admitted to short cutting a big section. Another 20 minutes before Fetus Envy and Just Ben arrived. But eventually we circled at Danny's Tap Room and she took the criticism with all smiles. And beer. Hey, it was her virgin attempt. We'll set her up with a co-hare and look forward to her next attempt. 

Sat, Mar 17, 2018 was a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from Forest Glen Woods. I'd like to say it was the best hash of the year and we had forty racing hounds, but I'm not that big of a liar. The trail was reasonable for the area. The marks were questionable in parts, (later) or good marks. But the pack was only four. And there was no running there. Just Do Me Slowly isn't really running much or at all lately. The Gas Stop Bob is a walker, but loves the woods trails. Or G has had leg injury issues for years and he couldn't run. That left our visitor, Pied Piper, stopping by for a quick trail before heading to the airport. Street clothes and no intention of running. I spent over two hours laying a trail for running and now they would walk it. About 90 minutes with walkers doing all the checking. But a nice circle in the woods as usual. Then everyone got cold. We retreated to Aunt Edna's bar for a quick beer and everyone had to leave. At least I got a ride from The Gas Stop Bob to my bus stop. LATER: I tried something different for marking flour on trees. It sort of works and sort of doesn't. I filled a sock with flour and banged it against trees. Sometimes it made a nice mark, other times I had to give it several wacks and some were probably to light. And if you were downwind from the tree when you wacked it, you got a face full of flour. In the interest of experimentation, I'll try it once more, in an area where the trail is fairly obvious. This time I'll use ladies nylons, knee highs, and see if they give a good mark. It that works, we'll try it more. If not, well, I tried. Back to the old bare hand or cotton glove. 

Sun, Mar 18, 2018 was the Chicago Hash with The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundle laying trail from Cleos for an A to B trail for 11 hounds. Thanks to the CTA giving me bad information and not realizing it until it was to late, I was to late. But so was Hooch B4 Cooch and I had a place to store my bag in his car. It was now 2:55. No way I'd catch up but Hooch B4 Cooch did. The trail was nicely swept with only one Check not marked and I found that right away. Actually most marks were sort of obvious with the exception of a Split in an alley, just before the trail got to Augusta. Both directions had no mark. But the trail was quickly found around two corners on Augusta and we were off and running. I got to the beer stop after the pack left, but there was a cold Hamms sitting on the ground waiting for me. And a message on where the Circle would be, Damen and Caroll. Yeah, like I ever heard of Caroll St. So I abandoned trail, not running with a full beer, and headed for Damen. There some couple was nice enough to give me directions, way south on Damen. And as I took off, there comes Hooch B4 Cooch on the other side of the street, heading for his car. So I rode back with him. Circle was in the railroad area, up a weed overgrown path and back from the road. Tons of cold beer, warm sun and three visitors. All was good.

Tue 3/6/2018 had Lifa laying a trail from the Shamrock Club for the 4x2H4 hash. A turnout of only three hounds, but we managed to stay together for about a half hour. Then Snotcho Mama found a Check and was long gone before I even found we were at a Check. A little bit of snow and occasionally darkness and a few marks were missed. I missed the one to that Check. But Its Too Soft and myself eventually got back on trail and ran and checked, yes, Its Too Soft had to also, and the two of us ran on and on until we lost trail at a Check on Milwaukee. We ranged back towards the bar and I finally suggested that the trail might go to this little park along the river. There we found Snotcho Mama and Lifa. A quick beer and we were gone, back to the bar where no one even went in. Damn, I needed another one. One Hour and fifty minutes on trail for only four miles.  Check.

Thu 3/8/2018 was a virgin lay by Just Wendy and a co hare, Fetus Envy. Yeah, trouble there. Eleven hounds as we took off from Galaway Arms on an A to B trail. Mostly south at the start and I ended up behind with Son Of Spam and suddenly I spotted a T n E mark. Not mentioned in circle, but since the pack already left us behind to run around the lagoon by the zoo, we headed north. Eventually the trail came out of the park about a block north of the start and we found a Check at an alley. Also was a SN mark. I headed north into the alley and after going around a turn I found the third arrow and blow my horn. By now the main pack was catching up and Roofie Ragu ran on by me followed by the strung out pack. Unfortunately the Shot Stop went to the south in the alley. Lesson learned. The shot stop needs to be on true trail. Ooops. I heard only one person found it. We ran on with some difficulty due to turn arrows around corners causing us to miss a lot of them. We finally ended up in an alley for a beer stop and then a long walk to Galaway Bay for the B. We finally held a circle and the hares got there due.

Sat 3/10/2018 was a trail out on Woods on South Harlem for the Big Dog Hash, set by False Advertising. WE actually had 18 hounds. Instructionms were that we would be following little flags on the end of wire and every mark was a Check. We, they weren't and mostly easy to see the next mark and the pack was soon stretched out. I was running in back with Lower Wackoff and eventually three late comers passed. Well, two of them. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was running slow and hung over and even Horn-E beat him to the shot stop. From here we had to find the next flag and dig under neath it for something pointing the way of the true trail. It was a dirty skanky used and sticky dildo. And someone actually carried it back without a hazmat bag. Trail back was then relatively simple and straight forward. But Lower Wackoff still got lost and ended up following the flags backwards to find circle going when he got in. Good circle, Big Dog style. Then we had some quick grillables before the cold pack headed for warm kennels back home.

Sun 3/11/2018 was set by Rumple Stealskids and Ritlin Cum Bubble setting trail for CH3. Started alright and we were together for three blocks until the fist Check. Most of the pack was checking to the east when the trail was found to the south. Unfortunately the four of five of us that did that were left behind because the rest of the pack wandered east and picked up on trail and were gone. By the time I got out of the Target parking lot, I could see only two hashers in the distance headng east and then north. So I headed north and eventually was able to spot both Lifa and TampOn TampOff because of their green and red jackets. I followed the red jacket and headed north on California. Somewhere I lost him but found myself following another red jacket just jogging around this park. Ooops. But this did lead me to an On Back Check. After finally solving that, it was relatively straight back to the beer stop. Lifa, also running not on pack came up behind me and ran on. We got to the beer stop only to find SnatchSquatch waiting. He also was off trail, but had seen the Beer Stop on the way from his house. Sneaky bastard. And there we stood for about forty-five minutes before the pack arrived. Back at the bar we held a quick circle. The best entertainment was watching Its Too Soft fall asleep sitting on a chair three minutes into circle. After Circle the pack was gone quicker then a work force during an ICE raid in a meat packing plant. WTF.
On Wed. Feb 28, 2018 Son Of Spam laid a Whiskey Wednesday Hash from 50/Fifty. Five hounds started trail and only 4 finished. Horn-E, where are you? We started working our way south with a lot of back and forth. Finally Horn-E found trail heading south from a Check and to another Check on Chicago. We then went about five long blocks straight west on Chicago. A couple of Splits let the hash pass Horn-E and after Western Ave, Horn-E was alone. DFL again. The next Check he never found a mark after the third mark. After another mile or two, he gave up and got back to the bar and waited for the pack who were holding a whiskey circle in an alley. Eventually one hound and the hare joined Horn-E for one drink and the rest went home. WTF.

Thu Mar 1, 2018, had a Grateful Dick laid trail from O'shaugnessys for an a to b trail for 11 hounds. We had a few hard to find checks in two blocks and the trail finally led up to the Ravenswood tracks. Fetus Envy went up there and couldn't find a mark. Meanwhile the rest went around under the nearest trestles hoping for marks coming down the other side. Nope. So the pack just headed north and found the On In, two blocks away. So they headed backwards on trail and eventually had to call the hare to find the beer stop. Meanwhile, Horn-E, yep, off trail again, ranged south. No marks after several blocks coming down from the tracks. So he returned to where the trail went up on the tracks and there was a mark that Fetus Envy never saw. Back and forth and left and right, trying to find more marks got three whole tiny marks all the way to Irving Park, in the dark, on live Metra tracks with high fences on both sides. The hare said trail came down at Irving Park, but no marks were found so Horn-E returned to the bar for a Guinness and waited for someone to return. The finish was a hundred yards north in a parking lot where some good hot dogs and burgers were grilled. Well, at least something worked well.

Fri Mar 2, 2018, was a Chicago Full Moon Hash set from Aberdeen Tap. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail for five hounds. I never saw anyone after the first block. Yep, lost again. Well, not really lost. I quickly found trail but the small pack was long gone, It was a nicely laid trail with lots of twists and turns and through the West Loop area. I finally made in into the finish in an alley as the circle had just started. After circle the pack split and four of us walked over to Twisted Spoke for a beer.

Sat Mar 3, 2018, was a Second City Hash from Weathermark. Crash Test Dummy laid trail for five hounds and after a short loop in alleys we headed into the park and north. Back and forth we managed to stay together until the fire department, and police department and a burning car and Horn-E fell behind again. The pack somehow managed to find the shot stop just south of the Are Institute. Horn-E managed to find the whole trail and came in dead last. So what else is new. Just wait. The Bean was mentioned and somehow we found a Check there as some marks got wiped out. I never saw SnatchSquatch there, but he was around. Lifa headed west and north to Randolph and found trail. The last I saw of Furry Spice and Hooch B4 Cooch was them heading east. I went north and found a Split. I went east and that was wrong. I think that is when Lifa was blowing his whistle and the rest gathered on Randolph and headed west. Meanwhile I came back and headed west and found the trail. I blew the horn many times and no one came. They were already gone. Damn. So I Triple Split got me with looping and missing the true trail and going all the way to Lake. Finally found trail and headed west to State and a split that was barely visible. More aimless running around until giving up and heading south on State and there was a mark. The turn mark got wiped out. From here it was zigging and zagging through Checks and Splits and faded marks to west of La Salle and south of Congress and a BN. That took over another mile of checking before stumbling on the third arrow. From here I ran on without much difficulty except going long stretches without marks all the way to 16th St and an eventual On In. I got in about 170 minutes after the start. All the way alone and without a single true trail mark so I didn't know if I was in front, behind, or the only one on trail. Sort of gave me the drive to continue. That and beautiful weather and a decent trail if the marks were something of a problem at times. Back at the bar. the pack was already doing circle.

Sun Mar 4, 2018, had Tell It To My Nipples laying a birthday trail from Double Bubble. Biggest brightest arrows in memory. Take note hares. The trail was a big loop through the area and from my perspective, near the rear, it looked like a simple trail and with a fast pack they really blew through the trail and faded in the distance. And they marked every Check and Split. Well done. I followed False Advertising until his hangover over took him and he faded back past me to the following Zone 2 and W Jew 40. Now, all I had to do was stay on trail and I wouldn't be DFL. Planned worked as I arrived at the B in an alley where all the pickers were going through the possessions of an eviction. We also had a visitor, Just Patty from Guatemala who might make some more hashes this week. Welcome.

On On
Horn-E


On Thu, Feb 15 the TH3 hash was held at Danny's Tap Room. Lucky I heard about in in advance because there was no update on the TH3 web site. The hares were W Jew 40, Foamy Discharge, O'Shitty Discharge, or was it Foamy Runch, and finally Riot Me This Riot Me That. All of those hares and no sweep. We started out with 8 hounds and were immediately scattered and all confused with a starting False and an immediate Check. By the time I got through that, everyone was out of sight to the east. I managed to catch up with Loin Dick 2 returning from a False. We couldn't solve that Check and started ranging in a big loop before finding trail. After that the trail wasn't to bad and even though there were no sweeps or hounds marking rail we ran on okay as I tried to keep her in sight. I finally lost track of her, probably at a Check that I found right away. Ran on and finally had a Split marked, and crossed out and remarked so that you couldn't figure out which way they tried to point out. Looked straight to me, even though I thought it would be left. So I went straight and it was left. Finally ran over Logan Blvd and up to a triple Split. This time I didn't believe what looked like someone marked for the true trail. I used my instincts and was right, going right. Soon I was at the beer stop before everyone left. And somehow I got in front of Loin Dick 2. We finally left and two blocks before the bar, One Fuck Chuck got an email. Yep, Loin Dick 2. At the beer stop and no one there. Back at the bar Furry Spice led us in a circle and then the Sausage Man arrived. Good stuff, but I almost died on that horseradish.

Fri, Feb 16 2018 was The First Crack of the Moon Hash Asian New Years hash. Meat Inside her and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooked and 16 hounds followed a Lifa trail. I was near the front as we ran past the United Center and found a Check. No one went north so I did. After a block i looked back and no one was there. So I ranged east and after a long block I saw Fetus Envy entering a parking lot.Yeah, I'm back. Feather leads the pack out of the parking lot and a loop right back towards me. Boom. I'm running second behind Feather to a quick Split. He went west and I went right and I was on. two short blocks late I was still near the front at a Check on Ashland. Fetus Envy went north. Just Trevor and I crossed the street into a park. He choose north east in the park and I headed east and I was soon ON. Crossing Ogden was a Split and I picked wrong, but loopoing around I found myself running up to Fetus Envy at the next Check. I went south and was wrong. Heard no one calling, but the trail went right back the way I came, but on the wrong side of the street. Damn. So I ran on, alone, through two back checks and eventually crossing the Expressway on Ogden to a Check. Lower Wackoff had marked it with a tiny bit of chalk, but it was a short cut instead of actual trail and his attempt to get me back on true trail failed as I didn't see the sticks he marked it with or they got moved. Anyway, I was suddenly off trail and poor prospects and near the finish so I ran back to the start and got there about five minutes before the pack started to arrive. It is always more fun near the front or in front and I managed for a short bit of trail so, I had fun. Back at the start, we had a circle and then started into some great Asian and Korean food and of course some good beer. And I just made it to the last bus of the night.

Sat, Feb 17 2018 was the Bushman Hash set by Horn-E  from Lechowitz Woods with five hounds. I was able to sweep and follow the pack. The woods were covered in a few inches of snow. The goal, the golf course, also had a few inches of snow except where the cross country skiers had made trail that melted faster. Great for the trail. The first section of woods led to a path and a great Back Check and Lower Wackoff who was running last was suddenly first to a Check in the golf Course fairway. He headed off on the correct trail and somehow missed the first mark and the rest were scattered all over the fairway, getting close to the return trail. But we got back on trail and False Advertising led us into the woods and a bridge and the next Check. Lifa and R Tard E went down a road to the NW. No marks, but they kept going. Lower Wackoff found trail to the south and yelled on. Great. And he found the False. So when they returned they headed down that same road, again missing the very obvious true trail. Damn. Then at the fairway they headed south along the east edge while Lifa and R Tard E were on the far opposite edge of another fairway running a False trail from the next Check. Like I say, no marks and Cums On All Bases runs on and eventually finds the On Back trail. Shit. So I head into the woods after them as they get to some melted wet lands and circle around and finally get on trail as designed. From here it was just trail up a steep hill, over a bridge, slippery icy path and woods to the finish. R Tard E was first to the B and Cums On All Bases found the beer. Best beer stop of the year. In the hollow of a huge dead tree. We have pictures of five of us inside of the tree and room for more. And the snow was just getting started and we circled up and had a few beers each before heading out to the On In at the Nil. That tree was like standing inside of a huge chimney with two entrances. I'd been by there, withing fifteen feet, dozens of time and never investigated it.

Sun Feb 18, 2018, was the Chicago Hash set by Lower Wackoff with some lame assistance from Horn-E from The Booze Hound. Horn-E was supposed to get there at 2pm to help set the beer stop and then wait there along with Bingo for the pack to arrive. But a last minute phone call that I couldn't break away from and just missing three buses and it was 2:30 before I got there. I even tried catching a cab, but with Lyft and Uber, there just aren't many for flagging down on the street and the only one wouldn't pick me up. Anyway, the pack of nine hounds got going. The trail was to show some previous hares in that area, how to run the various abandoned tracks and live tracks and how to set trail on them. But they didn't show, and the pack got split up on some disappearing marks and a long dead end alley and struggled on in two packs before finally finding the Beer Stop between an abandoned factory and some abandoned tracks in the warm sun. SnatchSquatch led the circle, Soul Taco was beer wench and the hares drank a lot. And Slap Dat Ass finally came out of hibernation.


On Thu, the TH3 hash was held at Danny's Tap Room. Lucky I heard about in in advance because there was no update on the TH3 web site. The hares were W Jew 40, Foamy Discharge, O'Shitty Discharge, or was it Foamy Runch, and finally Riot Me This Riot Me That. All of those hares and no sweep. We started out with 8 hounds and were immediately scattered and all confused with a starting False and an immediate Check. By the time I got through that, everyone was out of sight to the east. I managed to catch up with Loin Dick 2 returning from a False. We couldn't solve that Check and started ranging in a big loop before finding trail. After that the trail wasn't to bad and even though there were no sweeps or hounds marking rail we ran on okay as I tried to keep her in sight. I finally lost track of her, probably at a Check that I found right away. Ran on and finally had a Split marked, and crossed out and remarked so that you couldn't figure out which way they tried to point out. Looked straight to me, even though I thought it would be left. So I went straight and it was left. Finally ran over Logan Blvd and up to a triple Split. This time I didn't believe what looked like someone marked for the true trail. I used my instincts and was right, going right. Soon I was at the beer stop before everyone left. And somehow I got in front of Loin Dick 2. We finally left and two blocks before the bar, One Fuck Chuck got an email. Yep, Loin Dick 2. At the beer stop and no one there. Back at the bar Furry Spice led us in a circle and then the Sausage Man arrived. Good stuff, but I almost died on that horseradish. Fri, was The First Crack of the Moon Hash Asian New Years hash. Meat Inside her and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooked and 16 hounds followed a Lifa trail. I was near the front as we ran past the United Center and found a Check. No one went north so I did. After a block i looked back and no one was there. So I ranged east and after a long block I saw Fetus Envy entering a parking lot.Yeah, I'm back. Feather leads the pack out of the parking lot and a loop right back towards me. Boom. I'm running second behind Feather to a quick Split. He went west and I went right and I was on. two short blocks late I was still near the front at a Check on Ashland. Fetus Envy went north. Just Trevor and I crossed the street into a park. He choose north east in the park and I headed east and I was soon ON. Crossing Ogden was a Split and I picked wrong, but loopoing around I found myself running up to Fetus Envy at the next Check. I went south and was wrong. Heard no one calling, but the trail went right back the way I came, but on the wrong side of the street. Damn. So I ran on, alone, through two back checks and eventually crossing the Expressway on Ogden to a Check. Lower Wackoff had marked it with a tiny bit of chalk, but it was a short cut instead of actual trail and his attempt to get me back on true trail failed as I didn't see the sticks he marked it with or they got moved. Anyway, I was suddenly off trail and poor prospects and near the finish so I ran back to the start and got there about five minutes before the pack started to arrive. It is always more fun near the front or in front and I managed for a short bit of trail so, I had fun. Back at the start, we had a circle and then started into some great Asian and Korean food and of course some good beer. And I just made it to the last bus of the night. Sat, was the Bushman Hash set by Horn-E  from Lechowitz Woods with five hounds. I was able to sweep and follow the pack. The woods were covered in a few inches of snow. The goal, the golf course, also had a few inches of snow except where the cross country skiers had made trail that melted faster. Great for the trail. The first section of woods led to a path and a great Back Check and Lower Wackoff who was running last was suddenly first to a Check in the golf Course fairway. He headed off on the correct trail and somehow missed the first mark and the rest were scattered all over the fairway, getting close to the return trail. But we got back on trail and False Advertising led us into the woods and a bridge and the next Check. Lifa and R Tard E went down a road to the NW. No marks, but they kept going. Lower Wackoff found trail to the south and yelled on. Great. And he found the False. So when they returned they headed down that same road, again missing the very obvious true trail. Damn. Then at the fairway they headed south along the east edge while Lifa and R Tard E were on the far opposite edge of another fairway running a False trail from the next Check. Like I say, no marks and Cums On All Bases runs on and eventually finds the On Back trail. Shit. So I head into the woods after them as they get to some melted wet lands and circle around and finally get on trail as designed. From here it was just trail up a steep hill, over a bridge, slippery icy path and woods to the finish. R Tard E was first to the B and Cums On All Bases found the beer. Best beer stop of the year. In the hollow of a huge dead tree. We have pictures of five of us inside of the tree and room for more. And the snow was just getting started and we circled up and had a few beers each before heading out to the On In at the Nil. That tree was like standing inside of a huge chimney with two entrances. I'd been by there, withing fifteen feet, dozens of time and never investigated it. Sun was the Chicago Hash set by Lower Wackoff with some lame assistance from Horn-E from The Booze Hound. Horn-E was supposed to get there at 2pm to help set the beer stop and then wait there along with Bingo for the pack to arrive. But a last minute phone call that I couldn't break away from and just missing three buses and it was 2:30 before I got there. I even tried catching a cab, but with Lyft and Uber, there just aren't many for flagging down on the street and the only one wouldn't pick me up. Anyway, the pack of nine hounds got going. The trail was to show some previous hares in that area, how to run the various abandoned tracks and live tracks and how to set trail on them. But they didn't show, and the pack got split up on some disappearing marks and a long dead end alley and struggled on in two packs before finally finding the Beer Stop between an abandoned factory and some abandoned tracks in the warm sun. SnatchSquatch led the circle, Soul Taco was beer wench and the hares drank a lot. And Slap Dat Ass finally came out of hibernation.
8 Feb 2018. On Thu we had a Thirstday Hash set by the Dark Silent Taco team. Trail was set from Miskas with about nine hounds on trail. Because of snow conditions, a live trail was called for and then they didn't take off until about 7:50. We finally got out on trail a little after 8pm. A half block later was a Check and we struggled on that one. I was out Checking when the trail was found. No On On call, or whistles or horns or marking the Check and they were gone. Meanwhile Horn-E and Children Of The Corn Hole, a visitor, come back to find nothing and they ran on for another mile or so looking for any sign of a mark. Nothing. Finally, back near Miska's, they spotted Silent But Deadly, a hare and she told them were the Beer Stop was in a park. There was another hare, The Dark Kunt and several non runners waiting there. Eventually The lead hare, Soul Taco arrived. She ran out of powder and had to mark the trail with her finger in virgin snow. Some how most of the pack found that part of the trail and finally arrived at the beer stop. Back at Miska's was the usual good Miskas circle and the party ran on. 

10 Feb 2018. On Sat, The Son Of Spam and The Foam Queen laid a Big Dog Hash trail from Lo Rez brewery. Nice place. Most of the trail was running on clean sidewalks, snow covered side walks, streets and rutted alleys. The pack sort of stayed together as we did a loop of the area and missed a looong False trail. Good. Beer stop was at the bottom of the stairs to Son Of Spams condo and then we went inside for a circle, pizzas, chili and snacks. Good time. 

11 Feb 2018. On Sun was The Chicago Hash set by Feather and Silent But Deadly from his house. We had 8 hounds on trail including one visitor, Finger In My Ass. Trail started down a snow filled gangway and there was some more like that, but mainly just streets and rutted alleys and sidewalks, shoveled and not shoveled. We headed east across the expressway and looping back over the bridge at Augusta. And as I was about to cross the bridge, I passed a little wooded section, virgin snow, trees covered in snow, quiet and peaceful, and all I could see was one of the nicest possible beer stops, but no beer. Actually there was no beer stop. The hares might have had to go out in the cold. Best beer stop?/no beer stop?/stay warm? But we eventually had a good circle with Fetus Envy leading and some good home made soup and fresh baked good bread and a good variety of beers. 
On On Horn-E

Jan 30 2018, We started out the week on Tue with a Blue Moon, Eclipse, Super Moon Chicago Full Moon Hash and only Horn-E could f*ck that up. Cloudy night and the moon only gave us faded images through the clouds at the beer stop on a tropical beach along Sheridan where we were hiding from the sub zero wind chills. And then Horn-E ran out of Dry Wall and had to settle for sheet rock. Similar, but sheet rock is much harder and lays lighter marks. Dry wall is softer and lays good marks. Lifa's GPS and tales of the trail indicated that the trail was run like designed, except when it wasn't. Eight hounds braved the cold night air as we ran from Double Bubble. Lifa was FRB followed closely by FBI Pearl Vision. About five minutes later came Its To Soft and Tell It To My Nipples. And there we stood, drinking beer as quickly as we could before it would freeze, as we watched the gently rolling waves and stomped out feet trying to keep warm. Finally it was decided to wrap it up and as we left we ran into the off trail wandering hound, Fetus Envy. But he wasn't drinking anyway so he just walked back with us. At the bar we found the wimp of the night, Cums On All Bases, warm and cuddly. But where was One Fuck Chuck. He fell back at the Check at Clark and Ridge where there were many possibilities for Falses and he checked them all, but no Falses were laid. Trail ran through the park by the High School. Two checks later, also with only one way out and the trail then came to Ridge again with six Falses laid. And One Fuck Chuck ran on true trail but missed the third arrow, with sheet rock (bad) under a lamp post (good) on bad asphalt (bad) and went back to check out all of the other Falses before giving up and running to the hares house hoping to find beer. (Bad). He returned and finally found that check and got to the beer stop after we left. And as for Lower Wackoff. He's like the energizer bunny on weak batteries. That is, he runs slow like the hare, but he just keeps going no matter what until he finds his way to the finish. Also after we left. Short circle as three hounds weren't drinking. But the hare got his share. Damn hare.

Jan 31, 2018,Wed was the Whiskey Wednesday fourth Anniversary Hash, and set by Lifa from Twisted Spoke. I arrived 3 minutes after they left and took off to never see a single hasher. At the first Check I spent over ten minutes before finding true trail. After here, everything was marked well and I followed south of the tracks and east and eventually heading towards Grand and Halsted, over the expressway. At this point, I'm so far behind I decided to play it smart and range towards a bridge back over the expressway and pick up trail there. I never found it and missed the shot stop, but I was so far behind I would have missed it anyway. I went back to the bar where I found three House Puppies drinking beer and joined them. Eight hounds on trail including myself who wasn't often on trail. Damn.

Feb 1, 2018. Thu, was a Thirstday Hash set by Gay Dancer for his birthday and set from Celtic Crown. What a f*ck up. Well, sort of. Almost no one showed up. He had as few friends as Horn-E at his birthday hash. WTF. Four hounds. But all four hounds did a great job running trail. Well, they had to because they all ran 100% of the trail alone and found the beer stop. Silent But Deadly walked out the door and immediately took off north towards the T and E Split. Horn-E was the only other hound at the start and he took off heading for the T part of the trail. One Check and three or four Splits, but the trail was just straight East on Montrose until it turned south for a block to a beer stop in a kiddie play ground. And he was FRB. WTF. And there he stood with the hare drinking good beer for about ten minutes before Silent But Deadly finally found the B. As usual, still full of energy, but not dressed for the cold. She was so cold her nipples were hard enough to cut glass, She didn't want to stand around in the cold drinking beer and when she found out she was only half way, she quit and asked for directions back to the bar and was off. And just as she left, she ran passed Its Too Soft. Where did he come from? But he saw Roofie Ragu near the start and found out we were already running and he took off on the T trail and found all of the Checks and Splits like Horn-E and he was thirsty, and dressed for the cold. He looked like he could have found the North Pole in all of that clothes. A short time later Roofie Ragu arrived. He did the Eagle and also didn't want to drink beer. Finding there was still another half of trail he took off and got back to the bar just after we did. We got beer and held a low key circle before they headed for tacos and I had to head back to the B. Dummy me, I left my horn there. I wasn't worried about finding it. It isn't as if there would be a bunch of kids in the playground in the dark with below zero wind chills. Yep, it was there.  

Feb 3, 2018. Sat was a Second City Hash at the home of Cums On All Bases. in  Palantine. I couldn't make it, but heard they had seven hounds, a pick up at Metra for Lower Wackoff, and hamburgers after the trail. Seven hounds were on trail and Zone 2 actually was leading trail for awhile before Stiffy 4 Stiffies found trail. Where was False Advertising? Off trail again. They also had a returning Second City Hasher who hasn't been seen in quite awhile, Buffalo Nuts.

Feb 4, 2018. Sun, was The Chicago Hash's anal Super Bowl Hash set from the Trojan Temple of W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie. Hares were Gay Dancer when they finally got his head out of the chunder bucket and Sandy Syphillis. I didn't run but hear 20 on trail for long straights and auto hashing and some games in the snow. Back to the Trojan Temple there were well over 20 hounds for a circle run by Fetus Envy followed by grub and football.


A short Tale of the Trail for a long hard trail
The Chicago Hash June 30, 2014 by Horn-E
.....It rained at hash start time and there was no trail from Roses and SnatchSquatch was just sitting there. It rained harder as tornadoes swept into Illinois. It rained on and on and the hare just sat there. Finally the hare took off with a ten minute head start into rain. Not a down pour anymore, but not a drizzle. And the pack was 15 hardy water hounds. Well make that 14 hardy water hounds and one old near dead water hound (Horn-E) that was wrapped up in rain gear. The trail went into an alley and came to a Check right away. Dr Cockvorkian went right, wrong. Somebody went straight and into an alley and a pack of fools followed on only two marks. Dumb hounds. Trail went left and west and soon another Check. Horse Fly (from Houston) was a block north and off. Damn., Trail went into an alley, turned right and at the next street it turned left and into a park where the hare was waiting with a cooler of beer. Roofie Ragu was the first and we all know who was last. Damn old hound. So there we stood in a playlot. The rain was almost over. Beautiful lightening strikes over the loop to entertain us. So there we stood under trees waiting for the next lightening strike. No one said hound were smart. But One Fuck Chuck got smarter and led a bunch of hounds out from the trees into the playlot. Now that was reeaally smart. Metal fence and metal structures everywhere. That will never attract lightening. And then the playlot sprinkler system turned on. Yeah, the park district is watering the playlot in a storm. But at least it fascinated Hoosier Daddy and Soul Taco. We soon finished the beer and headed back to the bar. About three looong blocks back which was just about as loooong as the on out trail. Taste the Rainbow led a circle and and one house puppy arrived, Its Too Soft. The other brave hounds who ventured out into the raging storm included Drill In My Box, Ginger Snatch, Epi Penis, One Fuck Chuck, Ice Princess, Just Taylor, Just Mike, Just Slobhan and Just Laura. And then the rains returned with more tornadoes and we were stuck in the bar watching cars floating down the street until it finally slacked down. Couldn't even get a cab, but the gondolas were out in force. With sails. x
The Tale of the Trail
The Thursday Hash, 3 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was a Rhotan Trail out of Ravens and rain was expected. It never came. So we had a trail with flour and some nasty tricks. We started right across the street and into an alley the pack ran. It is a dead end. That left that slow old fart Horn-E in the lead as trail actually went south on Clark. But at the first street, another missed mark and trail was found to the east. Now it was back and forth for a bit. We ran one block and then north to Fullerton where the trail went right back south on the other side of the street. And he caught everyone. Back east to the alley and then south and finally into Lincoln Park. And back north right away. I followed Hoosier Daddy on a short cut and we rejoined the pack at the Shakesphere Statue. Now here the pack got screwed again. There was some sort of Split just across the street and Lifa found it. One trail went around the park and the other into a few trees next to the observatory and back out to the path heading north. I followed a few front runners and we were off. We crossed Fullerton and headed south in the park, west of the lagoon. I was just getting to a Check at the Gazebo when trail was found to the north and over the hill. A I ran along, following the pack of FRBs way ahead, the missing back of the pack started to arrive. We ran along the jogging path and at the turn at the north end, I could see a gathering in a playground. Beer Stop? I ran on and Hoosier Daddy and the new to Chicago Hasher,Rolo (new to Chicago from Toledo Mud Hens H3) raced past me to beat me through the gate. And there was beer. Many varieties. And all was good. But finally we had to head back. Trail went back along the lakefront and only four managed to head that way, Feather, Lifa, Dr. Cockvorcian and Little Trojan Annie. Damn show offs. As slow as I was running, I wasn't going to try to keep up with them. I walked back with the rest of the pack. 
.....The pack was eventually called together in a circle by the Dark Kunt. Many down downs were given to our hare. Rhotan. And he deserved them all. We also had several returnees. Tinkle Trotskie and the Hasher Of A Thousand Names, whatever he is using now, visited from Portland. And all old favorite, surprised me as I was getting pop corn and I almost spilled it all, Corn Star showed up after the run. Welcome back and come back often. Foamy Discharge was also a House Puppy this night. And the rest of the trail hounds included Hooch B4 Cooch, O'Shitty Runch, Menstrual Casserole, One Fuck Chuck, W Jew 40, and Its Too Soft.
x
The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash, 6 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....We ran this out of Just Dan's House, not a hasher, but a friend of Crotch Fire a hare along with False Advertising. And there was a large turnout of one house puppy, Dickens Cider who can't walk much right now and stayed behind at the fire with Just Dan. We had Bloody Thighs who just planned to walk as she is also in recovery. Partial joggers included virgins Just Katy and Just Danny And we also had Sugar Nuts and Zone 2. Then there was Specklebird who jogged and walked with Spawn Of Speckie. As we speed up, there was The KGB traveling with Just Allie in a stroller and walking a lot and Son Of Spam who fell back with The KGB. Now I didn't see much of then on trail, but they all beat me to the beer stop. And then they walked along with False Advertising who quit sweeping after the beer stop and just walked a short course back with the walkers. 
.....Then there were those that actually tried to run the course and left me behind. The real trail hounds and one old mutt, Horn-E. We took off to the east on Randolph and then Washington and across Ridgeland for a block and a Check. This seemed to take forever as no one was finding anything. I found myself ranging south to Madison when trail was found in an alley. I followed east until the leaders came out in front of me and a Check on Madison and Taylor. Various hashers were scattered when Snotcho Mama found trail to the south. I followed Lifa with Chippendale on the other side of the street. After one block, Lifa picked up trail to the east on Adams and eventually to a Check. Again we scattered. I finally found one, then two marks to the east and Lifa was already way out there. He found another mark, a Triple Split at Austin. Lifa went south and eventually was on going west on Adams along Columbus Park. Meanwhile I was almost a block north and I paralleled for two blocks before heading south and joining the pack in pursuit. From here I'm not sure who was where, but there was a bunch of FRBs in the distance and out of sight. I tried to keep Just Do Me Slowly in sight, eventually joining her as we went over some water and around some small wooded section.The KGB, pushing Just Allie and Son Of Spam were still in sight behind us. We ran on and eventually we were alone as we ran around the east end of the park and to the south end. We now head south on Central going under the Expressway and emerging at the south end on the east side of the street and at the top of some stairs. Here is an arrow and the last arrow, pointing west. We cross over the street and enter an industrial area and seeing no more marks, I yell to Just Do Me Slowly that I'll go back and see if we missed some marks going around the buildings. As I step out of sight, Just Do Me Slowly sees the head of the pack, drinking beer at an unmarked beer stop. Huh. Meanwhile I run on trying to go around the buildings and pick up Just Do Me Slowly at the far end. Not happening. Nothing but fences. After three blocks I loop back, crossing Central to check that out and finally coming back to that last arrow. It is still straight, but there was nothing ahead. So I run on again checking that area and this time I go far enough to see what Just Do Me Slowly saw, now the whole pack including the walkers. Damn.  
.....So after a beer, we head west along some tracks and past a bunch of bee hives. I'm talking 30 or 40. Probably a winter storage area until planting season. Anyhow, we go around on a wide loop and climb back up on an old pallet and head west. I'm with Chippendale, Lifa and Snotcho Mama as we go south and find a Split heading west and a Check at an alley. Well, typical of the marks of the day, often hard to find, Hooch B4 Cooch is also here and he is south in an alley. He doesn't return. But we are all scattered, looking for marks and no one is yelling on. Apparently Hooch B4 Cooch was On. I range to Austin when I see Lifa, a block further west, heading south towards Roosevelt. I head that way and see Snotcho Mama coming out of an alley. He was On and now not On. He missed something. Eventually Berts Special Friend was then coming down the alley and he found the missing arrow that led to trail going a block south of Roosevelt and then west.Snotcho Mama and I followed to the south and in the distance we could see Berts Special Friend and Lifa far ahead. Trail finally headed north again and we could see the leaders, about two long blocks ahead, going west. When we got there, it was a Split, but the trail didn't go west. Damn. Now here is where we really needed the sweep. But he was busy being not busy and walking along with the walkers and not sweeping the trail. So we were on our own. But we are hashers. We'll find it. Eventually. Won't we? So Snotcho Mama returns and heads south and finds the trail and a Check a block later. I am paralleling him. We are now at a little park and he comes my way and two blocks further. Not On. So I head south around the little park, on the east side of the street. Unfortunately we found the trail was on the west side of the street after six more blocks of running a large circle around the park. Actually trail went into this little park and up a big sledding hill. The third mark was hidden under some leaves. At the top of the hill was an arrow pointing down to the north west. But where. Certainly not in the grass anywhere we could see and I already ran that sidewalk. Finally I cross the street and there is the trail. Damn. Now where was that sweep? From here it was fairly easy trail sort of left, right, left, right. Of course there was that arrow marked as on and then crossed out. What did that mean. And then there was a time Snotcho Mama was heading north, definitely on, gets to a corner and no marks. Must be straight ahead. Right? Wrong. As he looks around for the trailing Horn-E, he luckily spots a mark on the other side of the street going west. Huh. Any way, we run on and eventually back to the back yard and again, the whole pack including walkers. Damn. Well, you know who is getting DFL. 
.....Lifa led the circle and we had a nice little circle singing one long song and such. The hares got many a deserved down down and so did Horn-E for trying to hard to follow trail. I mean coming in last, twice. After the circle, Crotch Fire brought out a roasted turkey and I walked away with a big leg to gnaw on like a starving dog. Food was good, good home brew, good bottles and cans and Just Dan kept the fire going while burning off old Christmas trees and scrap lumber. I finally left for home with a grateful ride from Snotcho Mama. 
On On
Horn-E


 The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, 1 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....Our hares were Snotcho Mama and Just Genna and we ran out of and around the Cork. We had twelve trail hounds with two of them, Just Tim and Just Brit, virgins. Trail headed straight west and at the first block was a Triple Split. For some reason a bunch of the hounds headed south, but Horn-E knew the trail went west because he got off the bus at Damen and a Check and trail right to there. But it is April Fools Day and who can trust a hare even under normal conditions. So Horn-E just headed straight and to the Check. Going north was False so he headed west and was on a block later. Trail then went north and after a long block there was a Back Check. Damn hares. And no one is behind Horn-E. On the way back looking for the Back Check he finally ran into Just Do Me Slowly, Just Brit and the hares. Trail went west at the alley and again north after one block. And Horn-E is still running alone. A block north was a Triple Split and Horn-E ran west for a block. And there was another Triple Split, but coming from the south. Obviously missing a loop, Horn-E heads north but didn't see any marks. Heading back, he finally sees Dr. Cockvorcian returning from the west part of the Triple split. Welcome back to the hash. But he also had nothing. So we traded trails and searched again and he was On to the north and it went all the way to Irving Park, leaving Horn-E paralleling and still alone. Anyhow, Dr. Cockvorcian found a Check at Irving Park. He checked north and found nothing. Horn-E was already to the west and not On. So we returned and Horn-E headed east on the north side of the street and almost a long block later he found a mark in a parking lot. We were soon on and heading west in the alley. A little confusion along the way but we ended up at another Check to the north west. Lifa and Horn-E went west and found nothing. Berts Special Friend found trail in a hospital zone and led the pack to the south west. Horn-E saw the direction they went and headed south to a Check at Western and Irving Park. He and Berts Special Friend headed west. A big park in that direction. Had to be. Not. Trail was east a block and then south. But the pack finally converged on a section the sweep, Just Genna told us was now a live trail. But Snotcho Mama was back already. Trail, being live, went back over old marks to Addison and straight east to the bar, past many Triple Splits and all the way past the bar and into the alley and a beer stop. Damn hares. But we finally had beer. Well, sort of. A shade better then O'Douls. And a lot more potent. Olde English 800 16s. Damn hares. Now that is just cruel. But soon Lifa showed up with a keg of Langunitas IPA. Now that was better. 
.....Finally we went back to the bar and $7 large pitchers. Horn-E got the beer flowing and the Moon Hash circle started and everyone was soon into various charges and penalties for the hares. We formally met our Virgins, Just Brit and Just Tim, and it took Lifa three tries to give them a proper demonstration. Eventually all circles must end and the last two hounds out were Hooch B4 Cooch and Horn-E. Other hounds on trail were Son Of Spam, Lower Wackoff, Meat Insider and the return of Caught Red Headed. 
On On
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
The Whiskey Hash, 26 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa from Rocks in Lincoln Park. We had 10 Trail Hounds as we took off to the east. We did the usual array of streets as Horn-E fell behind as usual. But I could barely keep the pack in sight until shit started to happen. We headed east to another Check and the sweep was standing on the Check a block west of Halsted on Webster. A yell was heard into an alley and Hooch B4 Coochcalled it just as I arrived. At the alley the pack was disappearing at the other end of the alley and trail went into the De Paul Campus. They did a little loop and I was just catching up as they headed out to Fullerton and east to Halsted, Lincoln. Now here things got really screwed up. As I arrived, Snotcho Mama was saying something about them being On to the south and there were several hounds running south. So I never saw the Check. Ooops. At the alley was a Split and Son Of Spam and The KGB were down the alley. Berts Special Friend andMeat Insider and others were just south on Halsted. I ran the alley and found nothing. At Dickens no one seemed ON. Well, just west was old trail, so it had to be south. Son Of Spam and Horn-E headed south to Oz Park. That was all that was left. And Son Of Spam searched the park while Horn-E went back to Halsted. No marks were found. We headed north to find where the pack disappeared. No marks. We again searched the alley. Nothing. Damn. So we returned. And there at the corner of Lincoln and Halsted we saw the Check, that I never saw as Snotcho Mama was marking a south arrow. And that arrow was now marked out and another arrow added going west.
..... Lesson: While we in back appreciate people marking Checks and Splits on many trails as they are solved, when there is a sweep, it is his job. Let him do it. Also, for everyone, the idea is to call out what is happening, like Checking, Split, etc so the newly arriving hounds no what is happening. Whistles and horns are nice, especially in a noisy city, but please yell also, so we know, even if you are just ON ON. 
.....So Son Of Spam and Horn-E followed the trail, now marked by the sweep and we eventually went just west of Halsted and north of Diversey as we headed to a roof top finish and Whiskey stop. 
.....Here Berts Special Friend led a mini circle before we headed back to the bar. At the bar we settled into some tables, ate food, drank a little whiskey and a little bit of beer and then headed home. Other hounds on trail included Glory Hole, Crotch Fire, Just Sean, and our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 27 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by, Helen Keller Facial, Rump Springa and Hooch B4 Cooch out of Big Joes. Rain happened and might again, so Helen Keller Facial and Hooch B4 Cooch laid a live trail while Rump Springa went to the beer stop. We headed north and west with a pack of fifteen trail hounds. About two blocks later we stalled at a Check before it was found down an alley heading west. Now I'm not exactly last, yet, but I sensed a short cut over to Foster with this huge park at a school to the south. But no one is in sight. Finally, two blocks west I see the usual FRBs, Roofie Ragu, Dr Cockvorcian, Taste The Rainbow, Feather, etc. heading south across Foster and into the park. I was at another entrance and so I paralleled the leaders as they ran through the park. By the time I got to the far south end of the park, I was now paralleling the back of the pack as they were a street to the west of me. A block later I see Dr Cockvorcian coming my way yelling Check or maybe he was only checking his drawers or something. Anyhow, I crossed the street and there was an arrow and then another and I'm ON. Yes, me. And I'm ahead of the FRBs. We run to Damen and a Check. First there, first choice and I picked east, across Damen. At the alley I get a Split. I pick the arrow into the alley and was almost all the way to the end before I spotted a mark of flour on a pole. I hadn't been looking there. I looked back and no one is there. Finally I spot Dr Cockvorkian and I blow my horn and take off. Trail headed further west in the alley for another block and several Splits and I'm still ahead and heading over to Lawrence. East on Lawrence and I'm really tiring now but when you are ahead, you try to keep going as well and as fast and as far as you can. I finally hit an entrance to a parking lot where there was a little loop and Feather and Dr. Cockvorcian finally passed me. Relief. I can walk a little and the main body of the pack is soon passing me. Two blocks later is a Split into an alley. The mark going straight looked more like just some wind blown flour and everyone was heading into the alley. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama is returning to that mark saying something about a mark on the corner. It must be a loop. No. That is the correct way and those in the alley are wrong. Ooops. He did get called out for that in the circle. Anyway, by the time I got out of the alley, the whole pack had now passed me. Damn. From first to last in less then two blocks. So I follow Mudsucker and soon he was out of sight. I was really winded now, but there was a BN. So I followed on as the trail went north, east to Ashland, North to Foster and then back east. Are we going to the usual tunnel under the tracks about two blocks north. Naturally and there was the whole pack including some house puppies. 
.....Back at the bar, The Dark Kunt called the pack into a circle after the beer started flowing. Drill In My Box poured beer like the cute little beer wench she is. Feather was beaten constantly in circle with a spatula. I was waiting for the RA to flip him over and start beating him on the other side. The hares got many. Down downs that is. no beatings. We had several House Puppies, Hoosier Daddy who was too busy having a chit chat with President, Jimmy Carter, to hash with us. Glory Hole just showed up late. O'Shitty Runch showed up late after running over a civilian in the rain on his bicycle. O'Shitty Runch was on the bicycle that is and the civilian was running for shelter in the rain. And Mount Schwiiinga arrived just in time to present Horn-E with a horn she found in the twin cities at a hash. Thanks. After the circle we finally had a naming for Just Steff. Honey, you will be forever known as Menstural (sp) Caserole. (sp) I'm sure someone will correct me. After that a cake was brought out for the birthday boys and then we drank on into the night. Trail Hounds also on trail included Bi Holer, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie, and one more time, our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink. 
x
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 30 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Streeters by Just Eh and That Thing That Vibrates. He swept the trail and she escorted a litter of house puppies including Rhotan, and old Lab, Drill In My Box, a chihuahua, Back Door County, a standard poodle, Menstuarl Caserol an Irish Setter, Vincent Van Ho a visiting Afgan Hound from Portland, and three little virgin puppy schnuddles, Just Sarah, Just Katy and Just Dani. While I'm on the House Puppys, Ice Princess a Pit Bull and our GM, Soul Taco, a Rottweiler showed up after the hash. 
.....Anyhow, back to our hares. Just Eh did a Eh so so job of sweeping. Kidding. a good job. A That Thing That Vibrates did a great job of walking that bunch of House Puppys to a shot stop along the Chicago River where she had a treat for all of the Trail Hounds. Then she walked them north to a little park along Franklin where there was a beer stop. But all of those puppys were getting tired, especially that little Chihuahua, and they arrived late with the refreshments for the Trail Hounds who were waiting with their tongues hanging out. 
.....But lets get to the trail for those trail hounds. There was fourteen of them off on trail and the usual array of fast runners. Like Lifa, who barely beat Mudsucker to the shot stop. All right, he got drunk last night and ran a race this morning and then drank at beer in the box. But lets talk trail. After circle we were pointed across the street to the south and west. But TampOn TampOff ran straight west and a bunch followed. I ran across the street and didn't see a mark so I sort of followed and Roofie Ragu crossed the street and ran ahead of me. But no marks. So I back tracked and followed Snotcho Mama as we headed south and there was a small pack ahead of us with Just Eh. Two blocks later was a Check. To the west was TampOn TampOff and Roofie Raguand I signaled to them that we were at a Check. They had nothing. so I headed west and found nothing. As I was returning I heard an ON ON call from Mudsucker. He was On to the south on Rush. I blew the horn and followed and soon the FRBs were passing us. Two blocks later we turned west and up some stairs to Wabash and south. As I went along R-Tard-E was running with me and suddenly the pack returned from a Back Check and went down some stairs to Hubbard. At State St they headed south and as I and Mudsucker got to Kinsie, the pack was returning again. Dr Cockvorcian found marks on the upper level and headed towards Michigan through the Wrigley Building complex. I ran below contemplating a turn to Lower Level Michigan. Not. Snotcho Mama was following me and as we got to Wrigley Plaza we ran into Smell Like Twat Sweat who let us know we were at a Check and it wasn't to the south. Big mistake on her part. It was and the hare had to finally point us on the way. Meanwhile we were scattered all over. Dr Cockvorcian to the east, just as Roofie Ragu returns from the east. We checked to the north and nothing. I went west. Nothing. Finally returning, we were pointed ON and Jizzyalmost ran me down on the crowded bridge. We gathered at the Wacker light and on green we ran south to a Check at South Water. TampOn TampOff was to the east and I yelled we had a Check. But someone had already found trail to the west and he was soon passing me. At Wabash we ran south for two blocks. Just before Washington I saw the leaders heading west so I did an alley with R-Tard-E right behind me. And we get to State St. Just as Glory Hole is running by, On from a Split. This has us heading west on Wacker and Glory Holefinds a Check at Dearborn. I cross heading north and TampOn TampOff is already heading north on the other side of the street. He finds trail and I cross the street and blow the horn for the following hounds. Jizzy passes me and misses a turn to the west on Kinzie. Meanwhile Dr Cockvorcian and Horn-E follow TampOn TampOff. At the next corner we have a Split. But Glory Hole joins us and I follow him west and we are ON. This runs straight west to Orleans and SSN. And Horn-E might have been near the front, but the usual FRBs are soon passing him. He can't even keep up with the bimbos. Well we all knew that. No, I mean running. And Smell Like Twat Sweat goes flying right on by. And she was the only bimbo on trail. Where are all the bimbos? It was finally warm and they can come out of hibernation in their nice tight shorts and tops. Yeah!! Come on out. I digress. We hit Orleans and we head south to a shot stop at the river. Well, at least Horn-E wasn't last this time, as Its Too Soft, Just Dan, R-Tard-E, Dick Hermonica, Epi Penis, R-Tard-E all followed with Mudsucker and LIfa coming in last. But I'm glad that Mudsucker followed way back. I lost my shirt along trail and he found it. Thanks. And I got it back in circle with the usual down down.  
.....After the shot Stop the Trail Hounds took off to the west and over the Chicago River. Checking there had us going north and then back across the river several blocks north. Now Horn-E is back where he belongs, picking up the rear. Just can't get going after these damn shot stops. But I run on and finally north on Franklin as I pass the House Puppys at Chicago Ave. A block later the Trail Hounds are sitting around in a dog park waiting for refreshments. Cold beer. 
.....Back at the bar we finally collected Hash Cash thanks to Glory Hole getting it started. Check that money and make sure none of it fell into a Glory Hole. Finally we had enough and we were drinking beer. Lifa called the circle together and many down downs were given to all. We met our virgins and our visitors showed why we will always welcome her back. Nice girly bits. After circle we drank on until the last of the pack finally left. Those two old hounds, Horn-E and Rhotan outlasted all of the young pups.  
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 20 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....A new hash bar, The Bar Below and we had Snotcho Mama and Son Of Spam haring. We had 18 trail hounds on this trail as we headed west through the loop. Snotcho Mama was sweeping and did a decent job that allowed this old fart to keep the pack in sight until we turned back east. Hey, I made it half way. Anyhow the trail was mostly straight east occasionally going a block south. We finally got to Adams at Union Station. I thought I was dead last, but a block south and I caught up again. We ran on to Van Buren and then west to Canal where there was a Split. And apparently a bunch of hounds were a block west and not on trail. The sweep hinted and that old fart Horn-E found a hidden mark to the south. Blowing the horn, he was in front of a bunch of hounds. But after a tunnel under the Expressway, I was back in back. We headed east and I saw Hooch B4 Cooch crossing the street to the south. With no traffic I crossed also. Big mistake. Trail didn't go this way and now being out of sight, I had to backtrack as the trail again went down under the Expressway. Here we had to climb a fence and cross a grassy hill. Yes, a grassy hill downtown. More zig zag as trail went south and into the La Salle Street Station, and out the other side. Up and down and I'm just far enough behind to not catch a short cut. Trail goes west on Harrison and further and over to State Street. Now we go north and with a series of alleys and streets we almost go into Grant Park and back into alleys and finally we loop back towards the bar and there is an arrow into a doorway of a garage and a note to go to 12. And there was the pack at a beer stop. Nice spot. And thanks to Foamy Discharge, who arrived late and tried to catch the pack and didn't, I wasn't DFL. 
.....Back at the bar we had a back room and One Fuck Chuck led the circle. And the beer was Lite bottles in huge buckets. The hares drank often for that trail. Others on trail included Bi Holer, Dr. Cockvorkian, O'Shitty Runch, Crotch Fire, Roofie Ragu, Feather, SnatchSquatch, Berts Special Friend, Puzzled In The Sack, My Hard Will Go On, Meat Insider, Little Trojan Annie, Drill In My Box and The Dark Kunt. We had Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and Sugar Nuts for House Puppies. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....Another part of the birthday tour of Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of Carol's. And this one had some surprised thanks to Rump Springa inventing more beer stops. Apparently the first two were T and E splits where the E might lead to beer. Huh. Trail started north in an alley and we eventually had 16 Trail Hounds including one walker, a visitor, Bringing Up The Rear. Okay. So she hung back with Hooch B4 Cooch and apparently immediately fell. Boom, bang, no hope of running. Meanwhile the pack is running east on Lawrence then south at a Split. Now that was fun. As I got to the Split, I could see TampOn TampOff to the east and not on. Feather was a long block south and now returning on the other side of the street. We finally get a call to the east and it isn't TampOn TampOff. Somehow he missed a turn alley into the first alley. Why would that happen? Oh, yeah. Trail laid the day before and a bit of snow overnight. Hmmm. Meanwhile we headed south and I'm in the alley with the back of the pack, Just Tina and Zone 2. We come out one long block south and finally Feather catches up having run that distance three times. We're now heading east and then south again. Coming out at Wilson we head to the college area at another Split. And a block later I think there was a Back Check and suddenly a bunch of hounds were following Dr Cockvorkian to the east and under the tracks. We finally came to another Split under the tracks that led to a Check at Broadway. We weren't getting anywhere. Horn-E finally went south past Target and found a third arrow, a Triple Split at Montrose. And as he is about to start south, there are Dr. Cockvorkian and Feather. Where did they come from. Anyhow, south is False. So Horn-E goes west and it is a False. By the time he returns, he is dead last again with Snotcho Mama and the hare sweep. We eventually head south and east to Sheridan and back west towards Broadway. Here we spot a T and E Split. We're behind so we opt for the T so we can catch up. At the corner we find a Check and False Advertising returning from a False. Now is that a real False or false advertising from False Advertising. So Horn-E heads south and is eventually on and it leads to a Split at Irving Park. He goes right, wrong and the other two arrive and go left, right. This is a short loop and we are soon heading west a block south of Irving Park. This leads to a series of Splits, with true trail going west. At the cemetery we have another Split. Snotcho Mama finds trail turning west at Irving Park. Now this is a solid RED CHALK TURN, just like the marks the hares used. But they claimed they didn't do it. It had to be old marks by Snotcho Mama. But he didn't run trail there and it was fresh. Hmmm. Anyway, we are about to head west when the rest of the pack arrives, led by TampOn TampOff. That is when we find out that the previous T and E Split led to beer and we were leading. Anyhow, we run on to Clark and no marks. Finally Roofie Ragu goes further west and finds marks and we are On to a Check a block later. Meanwhile, the back of the pack arrived at that Split at the cemetery with the hare sweep and he points them south where they eventually went to a beer stop. WTF. We eventually solve that Check and head on a few blocks north to a B in a little park. The real beer stop. About fifteen minutes later Hooch B4 Cooch arrives with those missing hashers from beer stop number 2. Another five minutes later Rump Springa and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob arrive with the B-E-E-R. From here it was about a mile walk back and after waiting so long for beer, no one was ready to run back.
.....At the bar we found several House Puppys including Soul Taco, Hoosier Daddy, and eventually Dick Hermonica, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Sugar Nuts and Foamy Discharge. Dr. Cockvorkian was volunteered to be the R A. First time and not to bad. All right, not to good. Whatever. We did meet our visitors, Bring Up The Rear and Asscott To Mouth. After circle we hung until the beer money ran out, then about ten hashers went to a Mexican Carry Out and another dive bar to finish off the night. 
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 13 Mar 2014 by Horn-E 
.....Frequent Flyer, Snotcho Mama and Just Bill set trail out of Durkins. Just Bill was a virgin and therefore a virgin hare. He is from Nittany Valley and will start hashing out there. A pack of 16 total, with the late comers, headed east and south at the second Check the pack was just disappearing as Son Of Spam and Horn-E arrived. We headed behind a school and into a slippery, ice covered alley with a Split at the end. We went east to Clark and missed a tiny arrow along the way, squeezed between patches of snow. But at Clark, we didn't see an arrow. We crossed Clark and went through McDonalds. Nothing. Returning to Clark we split up and Son Of Span finally found an arrow heading north. Well, by now we are way behind the pack. Trail went into a westerly loop and back to Clark at Diversey and the usual check. Son Of Spam went east towards the park and found nothing. Well, not nothing. He found Rump Springa. Meanwhile Horn-E found trail to the north. The three of us zigged and zagged between Broadway and Clark and finally a Check at Halsted. We finally found a mark coming out of an alley and heading west on Briar. Another Check at Sheffield split us up as Horn-E finally found trail to the south and blew the Horn for the other two. Two blocks south and the trail looped back east and a block later we found the pack in a playground with a keg of beer. Suddenly Berts Special Friend came in DFL. He showed up late and somehow found the trail without sweep marks. Why can't he find trail when he runs with the pack? 
.....Back at the bar, the beer started to flow in the back room and Lifa ran the circle. We did have one visitor from the Hog Town Hash, Half Wit. Welcome to Chicago. There were several House Puppies, in Helen Keller Facial, Sugar Nuts, Just Steff, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob. There was a long list of Trail Hounds also on trail even if I didn't see them on trail. They included Poultry Fucker, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, W Jew 40 (Glad to see you running again), O'Shitty Runch, Just Preston, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, Drill In My Box, One Fuck Chuck, and Dr. Cockvorkian.  
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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash, 15 Mar 2104
.....Overnight I got an email from Lower Wackoff. He couldn't make the hash or On IN, but asked if he could set a beer stop for us. He would provide the beer and meet us at the shelter in Edgebrook Woods. He's a Bushman Hasher and bothered to ask. We don't normally do this at the Bushman Hash because we finish in the woods and circle there. But we could do this one time and trail was going to go that way anyhow. 
.....Trail was set out of Lechowicz Woods by Horn-E. The rat bastard. Before starting, Meat Insider was running around looking for some hand Lotion. What? This is the Bushman Hash. So off we went with trail going down the ice covered sledding hill. There was a Check at the bottom and the hare already had to point things out to the pack.Son Of Spam and Or G went straight and managed to find trail skipping a big loop along the river. Meanwhile Lifa found it and called On On. And he found a Split from two months ago, finally coming out of the melting snow. Meat Insider and Berts Special Friend followed Lifa and they did a nice loop along the river. Meanwhile the other two are heading east, up a hill and around a field of tall prairie grasses and another Check. Or G found that and ran on and was just out of sight when Lifa managed to climb the hill to the prairie grasses. He leads the back pack and right onto trail at the check. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E tried a short cut and almost found themselves in deep water.There was soon another Check at the drop shaft for deep tunnel. And Or G and Son Of Spam were still working that Check. The pack is back together. After a hint from the hare, Or G finally got on the trail along a fence and heading to a railroad track crossing. And the pack emerged through the woods and followed. This led to the dirt bike hills and another Check. Somehow Meat Insider ended up leading the pack out of there and to the railroad trestle where Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E were waiting. She kept leading across the tracks and finally to a turn down the embankment and across some narrow water. She just showed up the guys by butt sliding down the hill and running on. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Span followed. Or G did a wider loop and Lifa even farthur around the water. But back to our FRB. She came up to a big gate into the golf course, locked with a chain. But she slipped her tiny body on through and was off across the golf course following marks and footprints. Berts Special Friend squeezed through the fence and followed. Next was Or G and just as he got through, Meat Insider yelled Back Check. Those old bastards, Horn-E and Gas Stop Bob are watching and laughing.Lifa meanwhile finds the Back Check and leads the pack north along the tracks, as the rest of the pack squeezes back through that gate. A short time later they were back into the woods for a real nasty Check. The real trail actually looped around trail already run and off to a Back Check. But in the woods, it is easy to lose track of where you are and after the Back Check the trail went right past a False from the Check. Makes sense. NO. But they were running around and eventually found the trail out and across the tracks and into Edgebrook woods.
..... And there was Lower Wackoff waiting with some attempts at Black and Tans and other beers. Berts Special Friend and Meat Insider were off tackling Son Of Spam in the wet snow and rolling around. They finally came to the beer and all was good. Almost. Berts Special Friend was covered in burrs. Yes, in the snow. These burrs poke through his pants and were pricking his skin underneath and well into his crotch were the little pricks were pricking his prick. So he is trying to drink and plucking little pricks from his little prick. Finally Meat Insider came to help and there she is, bent over into his crotch plucking little pricks from his little prick. Meanwhile the rest of us are just listening to Lifa sing us another long song about being 'As drunk as I could be'. Lower Wackoff finally told us why he wanted to set this beer stop for us. He was turning 60. Couldn't stay long as he has another party to go off to, but wanted to spend a little time on this momentous day with some good friends. Thanks for taking a break from your other party and joining us for a little while. Good luck.
.....And back into the winds we went. Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E went over to Central and crossed the bridge to watch the pack in the woods and wait for them at the beer stop. The pack went across Central and into woods on what was a wet, and then snowy loop in that section of woods. Finally coming back along the river until a bend in the river and there was flour pointing across the cold swollen river. Horn-E is a rat bastard. And on the other side is a Check. So the pack followed the rivers edge only to find the river had overflowed the bank and they would have to loop back around this section of water and then head east to the bridge. And as they crossed the bridge we were waiting with the cold beer. 
.....We crossed Central and went to this huge mound of hot embers. The Forest Preserve District was there earlier with volunteers gathering ground cover to burn and cutting down invasive species. It was warm. Meat Insider was designated our official bottle opener and given the bottle opener, a little opener on the end of a little wooden prick. And she fondled it throughout the circle like it was the biggest wood she ever handled. And the hash scribe picks on everyone. We circled until that old man hare got cold and sang some good songs like Mobile. The younger hounds headed off to the city to partake in St. Patrick's Day drinking and the old farts headed over to The Nil for a couple of pitchers of good beers. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 16 Mar 2104 by Horn-E
.....A small turnout for all of the special things the hare, Epi Penis had for us out of O'Donnell's. As we took off, there were only five regular hounds, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer, Its Too Soft, and Horn-E. We did have two visitors, Suxxxs 2 B U from Tucson and Bud Wiper from Phoenix. We also had a new hasher in the area, from Uganda, Just Dan. Welcome to Chicago. Trail started to the east and hit the goofy angled streets between Pulaski and Milwaukee. Our visitors started out well and led withJust Dan, but it was short lived. At a Check at Pulaski, Lifa took the lead and we followed from there on. As we worked our way through the neighborhood streets, Epi Penishad us twisting all over in direct contrast to his last trail. But little help as the leaders, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer eventually worked through a series of easy Checks and Splits leaving the rest behind. Just Dan and Its Too Soft finally made a middle pack and Horn-E was back with the visitors, finally walking into the beer stop withSuxxxs 2 B U. There was a bottle of Jameson and green good jello shots. After here the pack took off on more twisting trail that led to a predictable tiny little park near the Expressway for another beer stop. All right, we've been here before. Horn-E and Suxxxs 2 B U finally came walking in only to see two House puppies, Soul Taco who rode along with the hare and Ginger Snatch who somehow found the beer stop. A few minutes later we all started walking back to the bar. 
.....Back at the bar we were greeted by two more house puppies, or just drunken mongrels, Smell This and Humpty Dumpty. Shit happens and it did. Chaos would rule the day. We were let into the back room and Soul Taco soon had the beer flowing. Epi Penis had several pizzas there along with various chip varieties and a couple dozen cupcakes for St. Patrick's Day. Well done. Lifa bailed us out with starting a circle, but excessive loud talking, shouting and interrupting turned it into chaos, as Lifa tried to get in the basics of a circle and introduce the new visitors, Bud Wiper and Suxxxs 2 B U and our newest transplants, Just Dan. Pied Piper also showed up, a frequent visitor from San Francisco. But there was no control of this circle and Lifa immediately started to sing Swing Low along with everybody else except Smell This who tried to out shout us throughout the song. Done. Thanks Lifa. After this, some left soon. Then our visitors started a game that was a cross between pong and who knows what and a lot of drinking and more chaos. After that those that were still there settled into nice conversation circles. Thanks Epi Penis. 
.....
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, 17 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Babe's by two hashers trying to set everything in Mar to celebrate their birthdays, Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa. Horn-E arrived late after a long walk from the end of the bus line at Central and Caldwell. And as he was walking in the woods he found two binders full of sports cards. Strange, Where they stolen and abandoned there. Did some kid just forget them after a trade session. But whatever, both hares wanted at those cards and are card collectors. So they divided them up after the hash. Whatever
.....We started up into an alley and a quick Split. Lifa as On to the west and we basically followed him west through a series of Splits. At our first Check, Lifa tried straight and was already coming back when Or G and Horn-E arrived. Lifa then went south, found a new bar to try out and finally returned as Horn-E was following Or G to the north and through a hole in a fence and into a cemetery. We finally got to the roads in the cemetery and at the first Split, Or G headed north and Horn-E was On to the east. This took us through three more Splits and finally to the corner of the cemetery and a fence climb. Beer near. We crossed Milwaukee and there was the beer in the parking lot behind some elderly housing. Or G and Horn-E felt right at home. Lifa was desperately trying to appear younger. After the beer we headed north along the rivers edge behind a row of buildings and finally into a parking lot and a Split. And the south on the Split pointed us right back to the same beer stop. With beer in hand we went down to river level and held circle as the full moon rose in the east.
.....After circle we headed back to the bar and shortly later a house puppy, Son Of Spam showed up. Beer was cheap, we had pop corn and cookies and settled in to drinking beer. Barely over 2 miles and 30 minutes. Damn short but nice. 
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 20, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by O'Shitty Runch and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob out of W Cut Rate Liquor, a real great dive bar. Horn-E, Just Graham, Four Score In The Back Door, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, Just Steff, Rofie Ragu, Hooch B4 Cooch, Drill In My Box and Panic Vaginatum. House Puppies were W Jew 40Sugar Nuts, 10 Dix With Wings, Soul Taco, Glory Hole, and Furry Spice. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Feb 23, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Epi Penis and Hood Whorenament out of Irish Eyes.
Horn-E, Back Door County, R-Tard-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Just Graham, Dick Harmonica, Uploader, Chunder Pussy, Son Of Spam, Berts Special Friend, Meat Insider, Taste The Rainbow, Lifa, The Dark Kunt, Soul Taco, Its Too Soft, Just Preston, Just Bobby, TampOn TampOff, Mommy Strangelove.  
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Whiskey Wednesday Hash #2, Feb 26, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Glory Hole out of Cobra Lounge.
Horn-E Puzzled In The Sack, Just Graham, Feather, Snotcho Mama, Rhotan, Son Of Spam, My Hard Will Go ON Forever, Lifa, MHooch B4 Cooch, Crotch Fire, Rump Springa, and one House Puppy, Meat Insider.  
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 27, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hoosier Daddy out of Cork Lounge.
Horn-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Epi Penis, O'Shitty Runch, Foamy discharge, Chippendale, Roofie Ragu, Just Steff, Panic Vaginatum, Just Graham and a lot of House Puppies with Its Too Soft, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Frequent Flyer, Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Four Score In The Back Door.
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Mar 2, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by SnatchSquatch and Soul Taco out of Moe's.
Horn-E, Rump Springa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Back door County, Chunder Pussy, Its Too Soft, Snotcho Mama, Epi Penis, Lifa, Feather, False Advertising, Dr. Cockvorkian
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The Tale of The Trail 
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Mar 3, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of the Jefferson Inn and despite a nasty tweet, it was not to bad with two great beer stops in neighborhood parks. Horn-E, Or G, Son Of Spam.
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Mar 6, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Sugar Nuts and Snotcho Mama out of Wrigleyville North. We went outside and found several large marks for the Chalk Talk. And then off we were with 14 hounds and no sweep from the two hares. And that killed things for three of us.
.....Trail went south and then east into an alley. North from there under El tracks and finally east again in another alley. Horn-E was again trailing way back and I have no idea who was leading. Meanwhile I still haven't seen a mark yet and I'm just following way back. At the next street I finally saw a mark heading south. The pack was a block ahead, disappearing into another alley. I knew this alley and paralleled it, trying to catch up with the pack. I could see the pack to my south. They hit a fence and several crossed the fence and looked lost. Then I saw a bunch of hashers heading back west in another alley and so I backtracked trying to get back to the pack. Here was my first real screw up. If I had waited, The trail actually went over that fence and over to Broadway and a mark heading north and another and I never know where after that. And I would have been near the front. But like I said, I back tracked, running into Its Too Soft at the next corner. We were off course and I yelled that I could see the pack returning in another alley and heading south. From the distance I could recognize at least Drill In My Box. They emerged from that alley, headed south to the next corner and then east to Broadway. As I got to that corner I thought I could see the pack crossing Broadway, a block away. That was the last I saw of the pack. I ran to Broadway and there were no marks. The problem with following a distant pack is that you aren't always sure what they were following. Not always on marks, but running to try to get back to the pack. So when you get to where they were, you have no marks to follow and real guessing begins. Often wrong. I was. I thought they crossed Broadway and so I did. No marks. I headed north on the opposite side of the street from where there were real marks. Damn. But I'm not on marks. So I guessed wrong again and thought the trail might be heading over to Lincoln Park. And so I headed there, hoping to cross trail somewhere. Not. Damn. I entered the park at Irving Park, ran south to Addison and the pedestrian tunnel. Nothing. So I tried to find trail as I  slowly worked my way back, finally going north on Broadway. And guess what. I found the marks I should have been following a half hour ago. As I went along I found a stash of drywall, slim three foot strips. I salvaged them and returned to he bar. Following would have been useless at that point. And back at the bar was our visitor One Trick Dick from Syracuse (Come visit again) and the virgin he brought, Just Amy (Definitely cum again). They also lost trail. Eventually a bunch of hounds arrived. Also lost. They went back out, but didn't find the Beer Stop. Eventually I was told that it was near Damen and Grace. 
.....After the pack finally got in, The Dark Kunt took over the circle and gave many to the hares. We met our virgin and visitor and Chippendale took up another collection for pizza. About nine square feet of it. Anchovy pizza was good. The circle ended, we ate and Just Amy and Sugar Nuts joined the band and showed us how poorly they would do at Karoke. But the band was kind and let them up there. What they didn't know is that the band cut off there mics. 
Other hounds on trail included Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, One Fuck Chuck, Dr. Cockvorkian, Feather, Just Steff, and Roofie Ragu. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Big Dog Hash, Mar 8, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Or G for his birthday out of The Original Dugans, with an assist from Gas Stop Bob. Taking the Peterson Bus to the end of the line and then walking, I stumbled onto marks. They were right in the middle of a work crew, trimming trees and cutting down trees. Two lanes were blocked and often the other two lanes were stopped as cranes moved trees over to the road and loaded onto logging trucks. They were working on the north side of the street and I walked on the south side as I crossed the bridge at the river. And there were the marks. After the bridge I lost marks but picked them on on Malvina, the street I headed south on. Two marks. What you discover when coming to the hash can save your ass later. Would I die like on that last hash, or would it all pay off this time. 
.....We had 11 paying hounds taking off on trail. We ran around the local streets and alleys, and the usual confusion of angled streets and confusing intersections. We were to the east of Milwaukee when the FRB came to a Triple Split. Horn-E was directed to Check left and I did. ON. Crossed MIlwaukee and there was a Check. Knowing the trail eventually had to go up to Devon, I went north a block and nothing. Checking the local alley and the pack was called ON to the west. Still north of the pack, I decided to parallel in an alley and when I came out, no one was in sight. Finally I saw Berts Special Friend heading south, but looking to the east like he was paralleling the pack. South. (?) He was paralleling. And as he headed back east, I also headed east and got to Milwaukee and no one was in sight. Damn. I'm running too slow these days and there is no way I was ever going to find and catch that pack. So I headed to known marks and decided to follow the trail in reverse to get back to the pack. The trail went east along Indian Road and into the adjacent alleys. I followed to a little park and found a Check. So, where did the trail come from that led to that Check. Going east along the south side of the park and I saw a red flour mark in snow, going north. But there was no turn marks towards this mark and so I decided this was some part of trail before the Check, not leading directly to the check. Returning to the Check I looked west and found a False. As I was about to check out the last remaining direction, I saw the leaders of the pack heading past that red mark I saw. What they did was go into a big, well laid loop and back to this Check. Only thing possible. 
.....So, I'm essentially back with the pack and I headed west on Indian Road. They would surely catch me eventually. Really. Wouldn't they? Not. I followed the trail across Devon and came up to the co-hare, Gas Stop Bob who was driving to the beer stop and took a detour. He had with him the injured Just Do Me Slowly who fell on trail. Hey, at her height, she couldn't have fallen far enough to hurt herself. But really, she banged her knee and was down for the count. Gas Stop Bob pointed me straight into this big parking lot where there was a Check. I never found it, but found a mark heading into the woods. I followed this, knowing that it would only take me into a big loop along the river and eventually to those marks I saw on Devon. I wasn't On for most of this loop, but eventually came to marks. I now thought that the pack must have finally passed me while I was on this loop. Not. They were still behind me. 
.....Crossing Devon and crossing the bridge, I was back on marks and slipped down to river level where I found only one set of footprints, the hares. Hmmm. I guess I'm still ahead. I ran on in deep snow, all right. Mostly walked. I tried to walk in OrGs footprints. Faster and less work and then the pack wouldn't know I was ahead of them. Horn-E is a rat bastard. But why spoil the trail for the real FRBs, just because I caught a short cut. The main pack deserves a chance to really hash instead of just following a short cutters footprints. 
.....Trail again crossed Devon and into pure woods hashing. There were several crossing deer paths and paths with one or two previous walkers. OrG followed these and put Splits at many intersections. I could see he was trying to hide his footprints and walk backwords over sections to confuse the pack. And that is what I did, almost as if I was laying the trail, while actually trying to run and solve the trail. Several times I would loss my balance and that single set of footprints would become two and then back to one set of footprints. Trail dropped into a shallow revine and then a field of tall grasses and burrs. Finally it came out at the bike trail. A short bit later, there was another dip towards the river and back up to a huge field and picnic areas. And there was the hares, the auto puppy Meat Insider and Just Do Me Slowly. I tried to run in and the deep snow kept me going slow, but eventually I made it to the No Peek Beer Stop. 
.....Damn, I ended up with Steel Reserve, 24 oz. About ten minutes later, the true FRB came out of the woods and fell flat on his face in the deep snow. Way to go, Berts Special Friend. He was soon followed by the pack, Lifa, Crotch Fire, EZ On The Ass, Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam, Snotcho Mama, and one hound who arrived late with his dog, and found the pack on trail, Double Fister. 
.....Lifa started up our usual Big Dog circle and we finally finished our circle just before dancing to keep warm, Meat Insider turned into Frozen Meat Insider.
We then walked back to the bar and settled into more beer. We did a few long sings and Horn-E did an Alloutte on Meat Insider. Finally we all headed on home, tired and satisfied in good trail and good beer. And I never said that. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Mar 9, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Feather and a first time hare, Dr Cockvorkian out of Chipps. Well, when you have two fast hares, expect a long trail and we got one. We headed straight east and through a narrow passage on a bed of wet ice. And there was a Check entering a park. Just Steff and Soggy Deposits were heading straight in the wet and ice field, leaning to the right. Horn-E headed into the field heading left. Uploader was heading around the park and was soon ON. We soon were heading over the Kennedy and northeast through some side streets and up to a Check at Elston. Trail headed north and after a quick loop through a fence, we had another Check at Division. Trail went over the river and was beginning to look like the first Whiskey Hash. Lifa led some hounds over the safety rail and around a building and right back to Division. This time we went north into Goose Island and around some factories. I followed the pack and it went towards the north of the island and a beer stop. And as I was arriving, so was security. Bad bad bad hashers. That dumpster was private property. Naughty naughty naughty. So the pack wandered north towards the bridge and drank their beer. But I didn't get one. Damn. 
.....So I went over the bridge looking for trail. There was a Triple Split. I checked to the west and found nothing. I checked across North Ave and onto the tracks and again, found nothing. As I look back, the pack is following me, but I'm not ON. So they turn back. And just after they turned back, I spotted the true trail across the street and coming from another direction. So I run back to the tracks and blew my horn, but no one heard me with the noise of the traffic. Anyhow, it was a Triple Split and I set off working the trail. Straight was False. and as I returned, the pack was arriving led by Uploader. We headed east and we were soon ON and headed over to Clybourn and another Check. I dashed through traffic and headed east and was soon ON. This led to a Split and then north and another Check. By the time I returned from a False, the pack was On north in an alley and into a back yard and up a narrow spiral fire escape to a beer stop. That's number two and I got a beer. Poultry Fucker tried to leave early and The KGB was bombing her with snowballs. And beer was tossed to our DFLs, False Advertising and Zone 2. 
.....Now we headed back west on Armitage and eventually south. First a nice loop to the south and then over to Cortland and straight west to Elston. Now this could have been straight south except for a little loop to the east and crawling under a fence. Only Uploader and the hares did that bit and we ran on to North Ave. Here we headed west under the Kennedy and wound our way to Division. On Division I managed to get ahead of a few hounds at a Check and headed south. On one, On two, Ooops. So I ran around the block and the rest of the pack was gone. Damn. The sweep had marked the trail the way I went. And Dr Cockvorkian did a good job all day as a sweep. Please note sweeps. Again I went back and finally found that third arrow just through a gate and hidden by the gate itself. So I ran on and finally caught about eight hounds walking down an alley. A few blocks later and we were climbing up to a deck for another drink stop. Hot cider and hooch. 
.....Back at the bar we got into a circle in the pool room. Lifa led the circle and the hares drank and drank and Snotcho Mama bought some fruit on trail and presented it to the pack. Good circle. Good singing. Others on trail were Its Too Soft, Skull N Boner and Drill In My Box who showed up late and had to run the whole course carrying a back pack that was twice her size. House Puppys included Hooch B4 Cooch, Bi Holer, Soul Taco and Just Tina.
On On
Horn-E
    The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 2/13/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Taste The Rainbow out of Ravens. I'd like to tell you how this trail went, but I missed most of it. After the hash I asked Taste The Rainbow where the trail went in the park. He said he learned from me to make marks and then loop around in the snow so the pack couldn't just follow footprints in the snow. It worked. I couldn't follow his, or the packs footprints. But I did manage to find three marks that were heading in the wrong direction and didn't have a beginning or an ending. WTF. 
.....So, what happened. We left to the south and a quick Split that left me in front for half a block heading west. But the trail just looped around and headed back towards the park. I could barely keep them in sight. At the park they headed south and I saw them in the distance working a Check. Just after I got there, there was a whistle to the north. We all ran off and eventually we saw Helen Keller Facial heading south again and back to the check. No one was saying anything, but in the distance I could see the leaders heading west into the city. I followed with a few from the back and we got stuck with a red light at Clark. We finally crossed the street and at the next street we got fucked. We had crossed the street and were on the south side of the street. The trail went on the north side of the street and had a turn mark heading south on the east side of the street. Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis headed south on the west side of the street, with no marks. About four Check Hangers including Drill In My Box just stood there and didn't Check. So I headed west and found nothing for over a block. I looked back and the Check Hangers were heading east and back towards the park. Huh. So I did a loop to the south and Armitage and then towards east towards the park. Somehow I missed a few marks heading into the park. Horn-E you old fart. You're not only slow, you're going blind. At the park I gave up, sort of, and headed back towards that last Check. Start from the beginning, damn it. And there were the marks, plain as can be. I followed them the way you were supposed to and had no trouble, even going over were I had already been and this time seeing the marks. Damn. These headed into the park at Armitage and a turn at a museum, heading south. Over some bushes and a mark on a tree, straight south. Great. But I couldn't find anything directly after that tree and not enough footprints to even follow the pack. Going right, on the path, nothing. Going left, I found a mark just off the path, next to a tree, but no footprints from that last marked tree to this tree. WTF. So I assumed the mark went south and I did. I came to a three way mark, pointing north. WTF. I went further and found another mark, going south. Or was this a trail heading north. I headed south and never saw another mark, in the snow cover grass lands or any of the paths. And I tried everything. I finally headed back on those three marks and again checked the snow and the paths and found nothing. Damn, WTF. Shit. So I decided the pack was now drinking beer, probably in Oz Park. (and that is where the BS was.) I walked back to the bar and the FRBs were already in and coming in. Damn. 
.....After the pack got in, we held circle and it was led by Furry Spice and Four Score In The Back Door who didn't run. Damn House Puppys. Speaking of House Puppys, include Just Max, Reverse Muff Diver, Slippery Fingers and Sugar Nuts. The bar brought out a bottle of hooch and cups to pass around. Thanks to the most generous bar in town with the freebies. Urine Love was back in town visiting. Welcome, now go home. Others on trail, 26 hounds total, included Lifa, R-Tard-E, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Just Graham, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, TampOn TampOff, Feather, O'Shitty Runch, Hooch B4 Cooch, Foamy Discharge, W Jew 40, Hoosier Daddy, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Mommy Strangelove, Just Preston and Just Steff. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 2/14/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Horn-E from Gamblers. We had three hounds in Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly and Snotcho Mama. Don't know what they did on trail, but they did manage to stay together and had about an hour run into a section of streets going north and south, next to angled streets, guaranteed to confuse the pack so they wouldn't know what direction they were going. Everything went just as I planned in on a map except one little section where I found a good mound of ice and snow for the pack to climb over and squeeze between a pole and building at the top. Great. Meanwhile, Dickens Cider, who can't run, and I walked to her house where we had the beer stop. Dickens Cider and Horn-E walking alone on Valentine's Day. Don't believe it. She's not that old and he's not that young. He couldn't even catch her when she's injured. 
.....Eventually the pack arrived and we stood in her kitchen and finally turned the beer stop into a circle. Three six packs of good beer, and Dickens Cider had her own bottle of wine. Word is that Or G wasn't going to run, but wanted to join us at the bar after the run. He sat alone, watching the Olympics until the men's figure skating came on. Valentine's day and he's watching men's figure skating was to much for him. 
.....After we finally returned to the bar, we all headed home. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 2/15/2014, by Horn-E
.....All right, it is winter and we can RUN through the golf courses in the area. So Horn-E picked Cumberland and Irving Park where we could get into a Golf Course. Trail went through the usual tunnel with frozen water under Irving Park. Then I followed paths, at least what might be considered a path of worn down snow in foot paths and then into virgin territory. The paths were hard, The virgin territory was even harder. Back to a wide path and get to the Golf Course. On the way I saw two men and a boy of ten, heading into the woods, pulling a sled with a grill on it. Remember this. I entered the golf course through one of two large holes in the fence, about thirty feet apart. In and out, but pull it off so they wouldn't see the out. Worked fine. Headed into some deep woods with only deer tracks to follow. Finally came out into a fare way and laid a Check. There was a few deer trails in the snow and two paths down the middle of the fare way. Individual footprints. I tried to hide marks in footprints and back track in the footprints. Finally worked my way south to the end of a section of trees that defined the fare way. I'm already worn out trying to navigate this deep snow. Just after this is some rough with small hills around a green. Got to climb up to the top of the hill. Damn. Now that was tough. All virgin snow and there was a deep snow drift just over the hill were the wind really built up the snow. This got to be mid thigh deep. RUN? Forget it. Walk? Forget it. Crawl? Maybe. And Just Do Me Slowly was coming. I had to warn the pack that if she disappeared, reach down and pull her out. Actually, only Cliff Hanger did this part. It was like hanging off a cliff and then falling in over your head in deep snow. As I struggled into this snow pack, it was 12 inches at a time, if that. You'd pull out your right leg and try to move it forward and set it down into the next step. Then you'd shift your weight and go another 12 inches deep into a hole. Then repeat with the other foot. And try to keep your balance. Finally I got to the top and was thinking Everest. In the distance, where I wanted to go, was nothing but more virgin snow. I needed snowshoes for this trail. I was beat and time was running out. There was no way I could do that trail. So I laid a Check and headed around that section of trees. This would be easy. NOT. A foot deep, some times deeper and all virgin snow. I finally had to give up on the fare way and head into the woods. Snow was less deep in the trees. I finally came out and paralleled the fence heading towards that hole in the fence and back into the woods. Now I had to go west in the woods to avoid the trail I came in on. Fine. This was just on a wide path with worn down snow. Running time. And running out of time, I needed to stay on the path and just get back. And the path just went on and on and on. Finally I found a path going north and followed that, on and on and on. And eventually this led to the beer, deep in woods and buried under snow, and snow cold. The pack followed this with Chicken Stifer the first into the beer stop. 
.....How did the pack fare? Fair. We started out with seven trail hounds and immediately lost Beer Stop Bob. I had given him a short cut and wanted him to follow me to the short cut. He assumed differently and spent over an hour walking all over the Forest Preserve, only to finally join us in the bar, "A Second Time Around" for the On On On. Meanwhile the pack headed south and I saw Cliff Hanger leading into virgin snow territory. I asked Chicken Stifer where Gas Stop Bob was and he said he was coming. So I waited. Finally I saw someone way back I called and finally retraced myself only to find a cross country skier. He will never make the Olympics. So now I can't follow the pack. Who else was there? Snotcho Mama who short cut Just Do Me Slowly around my deep snow in the golf course. And Lifa and Or Gwere also out there running hard. Well, I headed towards a wide path, hoping to catch the pack in the golf course and watch their demise. Along the way I saw that original group of men in camo, and stopped to chat. They had a nice fire going. They wanted to know if I wanted a hot dog and a beer. I ended up with a steak and a beer and we were shooting a pellet gun at beer cans hanging in trees. Meanwhile the pack is running through the golf course and woods. Hey, I did all right. I finally finished and thanked these guys and headed back to my beer stash. 
.....And the pack was there. We held circle and got to know our newest Bushman, Cliff Hanger. After a few beers and several times around the circle, it was starting to get cold. Well, hell. Gas Stop Bob had our fire wood. So we left and went to the bar. 
.....At the bar, a Polish bar, we had $10 pitchers of Okicim beer and hung out for about four pitchers and warmed up. 
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.....Finally it is time to go. Just Do Me Slowly invited us to a party at the home of Bloody Thighs. I went and Cliff Hanger showed up later. For those that don't know,Bloody Thighs recently had some back surgery and she is doing fine. Here's hoping she has a great and full recovery, And thanks for the beer and good grub brought by others. Many other hashers were there celebrating her recovery. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2/16/2014, by Horn-E
.....Mount Schwiiinga set this trail from Rocks Lincoln Park and we had a pack of 16 hounds with fourteen there at the start. Again, I'd like to tell you about a trail but do to a hare mistake at the start, I missed most of the trail. The on in was a block from a Split.
.....We were divided into four teams and at certain Checks, we had to wait for our entire team to show up. My team, Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis got screwed from the start because I missed the trail. 
.....So what happened. We headed north and I led the pack into the nearest alley. Towards the end of the alley was a cross alley and a Triple Split. Chicken Stiferwent left and found a mark heading south. Most followed and Horn-E went straight south in the same alley. As he came out of the alley, Chicken Stifer was at the corner to the east and yelled to Horn-E that it was a Check and I should head west. Well, at the next corner, a short corner I found a mark. I ran on and found three more and blew my horn. No one was coming. I crossed the street and again blew my horn and saw someone at that corner, coming my way. It wasn't a hasher. Meanwhile I ran on, straight west. After several blocks I came to a corner with a park on the far side. As I crossed the street, I saw an arrow pointing at me. Huh. This is the first I had a clue that something was wrong. I went a little past this and there was a B in the entrance to the park. WTF. I had been running the trail backwards. But there was a trail right from that mark Chicken Stifer was on. So I returned and found a Split, not a Check. And it wasn't swept. So, to follow the pack, I was now over a mile behind. I would never catch up to the pack or my team. And along comes Dick Harmonica. He had arrived late and tried to follow the pack a little and then quit. So I told him I knew where the Beer Stop was and we walked there. Then we followed the trail backwards on a No No trail until we found the pack. And that wasChicken Stifer who apparently had paralleled the course somewhere and missed the shot stop and was ahead. A block later came O'Shitty Runch and then Featherwho wouldn't believe us when we pointed out the course. As soon as they were out of sight, we ran back to the Beer Stop. And the hare was there and about five minutes later the pack came on in. From here it was a walk back over the same trail I now was doing for the fourth time. 
.....Chicken Stifer led the circle and we soon called out our visitor, who wasn't drinking, or doesn't drink. We gave her a short beer, introduced Eva, Sang to her, she finished her beer and left. Hope she returns so we can get to know her better. And she can get to know us better. After circle we were standing around drinking beer when the lights went out. The taps were working, but no light. Hell, if the house had bought a beer, we might have stayed. But that was the end of it. Who were the other hounds on trail? Just Jenna, Foamy Discharge, Hoosier Daddy, Bi Holer, Just Do Me Slowly, Its Too Soft, Wet Up To Here and False Advertising. 
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On On
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 2 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was an A to B hash set by Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 from the Blue Line Tap. Something about a football game and so we had a game about caring a football and passing it off. Well, sort of worked. Anyhow we took off to the south for a Check at Wicker Park and I was handed the football by Wet Up To Here. WTF. I'm always last to the Splits and Checks where we were supposed to pass it off again. Whatever. Trail went east on the north side of the park and then south before heading north. I was following and saw a short cut, thanks to Lifa and I followed until Milwaukee where there was a Split. Everyone was already gone and I just followed. I finally saw SnatchSquatch trying to out guess the pack and head straight as the pack went south towards Milwaukee. I followed the pack and it was straight to a beer/shot stop in a playground. SnatchSquatch eventually made it in. When the booze ran out, we were directed to the south and the first mark, pointing across the street. I headed that way and I was On running behind a strip mall and with a fence on our left and a street there. Remember that. By the time we hit Ashland the FRBs were already past me. And there was a Check. I tried east and it was False. South and it was False. I finally figured that it had to be west on that street on the other side of the fence. And as I headed that way, there was a call to the east. And that turned out to be False, like we already determined. And some had already gone west on that street, but the pack didn't hear them call On. Now I headed that way and soon I found one, two and three marks. I blew my horn and LIfa was behind me relaying the call. Horn-E ran on across Milwaukee and heading south until Lifa passed him. No one else was in sight and Lifa suggested we old farts better slow down for the young kids. Really, it was him and not me. But we ran on and pretty soon the rest of the pack was gaining on Horn-E and as he came out of an alley at Damen, there was no one left behind except the visitor Childern Of The Corn Hole. We crossed Division and headed into alleys and streets behind the pack. Several Splits were marked, but not clearly and we lost more time before figuring out what they were doing. We walked and ran on until we saw the finish in the garbage dump for the hares Condo and a beer stop. Eventually the real DFLs arrived and we went upstairs for the On In. Circle was led by Taste The Rainbow and eventually we settled into good grub and a massacre as a swarm of seahawks ripped apart a bronco and ate the remains. 
.....Other hounds on trail included Epi Penis, Feather, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Hermonica, False Advertising, Snotcho Mama, Hooch B4 Cooch, Drill In My Box, Rump Springa, Chippendale, Speckle Bird, Dickens Cider, Bi Holer, and Just Graham. Some house puppies included Salty Gash, Hidden Panda, Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Just Preston, Hoosier Daddy and Just Vickey.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 5 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....W Jew 40 was setting this out of The Tap Room for his birthday. Unfortunately snow reared its ugly head and this would be a short course. I can still fall behind. It was relatively simple as we headed west and through an alley and finally heading south on slippery, not fully shoveled sidewalks. I was following Lifa down the street when suddenly the leaders are coming right back at us on the side walk. I get up there and with my slow pace, I managed to block about five hounds until we hit an area where someone bothered to shovel the whole sidewalk and I could move aside for the pack. They ran ahead and we could see the FRBs heading east on another street. But this only went to an alley and back north. This allowed me to short cut but I was still in last place. So what else is new. They went into an alley just before Fullerton and I went straight to Fullerton. From there I could see them crossing Fullerton and it was a Check. Lifa was coming my way and so I followed to a Split, heading north. but we never found the third mark. O'Shitty Runch yelled that they were On to the west and we headed north a block and then west to intercept them. We were mostly running in the street as the walks were to slippery and not shoveled. We ran On to Fullerton where I paralleled the trail on the east side of the street. Lifa came to a Triple Split and I checked out the alley and found nothing. So I was now following the pack with only Epi Penis behind me and that didn't last long. Ahead I could see the pack crossing Logan Blvd and a Check. I crossed Logan early and Just Graham was coming my way and he was On. Good, and I followed as we now headed north. A block later the was a Split and the pack was now heading west to California. Hmmm. If I go straight, they will probably return on Diversey. Bingo. As I got to Diversey, Just Graham was passing that corner and about to be On after another Check. I followed and soon more hounds starting passing me. We hit three Splits in a row and no one took the bait and headed north. Finally at that third one, I had just headed south at the Split when Lifa called On, a block away. I now followed and was joined by Just Steff and we ran over to Western and south. At Logan we turned and there is a skate board park under the Expressway and there was the pack at a beer stop. 
.....And this was some beer stop. As I got there I could see this 24 Oz bottle sitting on the ground with foam pouring out the top and freezing. WTF. I grabbed a can and opened it and foam started to bubble out I took a drink and the beer was coming out in chunks. WTF. After each sip I could see the beer flowing out the top and had to quickly sip again. All alcohol. The water part was frozen. Finally liquid quit comiog out the top. I tried to drink and nothing was comng out. Just frozen inside. So I threw away what was left and joined the parade back to the bar. 
.....Back at the bar we had more bad news. The bars domestic beer taps were down. WTF. So they offered us cider as a replacement. Not here. Several of us ended up buying our own beer. Lifa found a good micro for $4.75 and we drank that. Meanwhile the pack is snarfing up on that cider. The circle was a bit chaotic and down downs were flowing. Roofie Ragu was called out for running in shorts and so was Four Score In The Back Door. Where did he come from. So who else was on trail. Snotcho Mama, One Fuck Chuck, Taste The Rainbow, Foamy Discharge, The Dark Kunt, Drill In My Box, and Hooch B4 Cooch. The house puppies were really out this night as we had Its Too soft, Just Max, Slippery Fingers, Just Dave and Soul Taco. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 7 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was the anal Idiotarod Hash set by Happy Ass Grabber from the Happy House and with a fresh coating of snow falling that morning, Happy Ass Grabber had to set a live trail. We started out with a pack of fourteen and finished with a pack of fifteen. Huh. We headed north through various streets and alleys and I struggled to keep up. Finally arriving at a corner on a parallel course, Just Graham passed across in front of me and found a Check. He went left and couldn't find anything. Everyone else was to my right and straight ahead and finding nothing. So I headed left and went a little farther. I finally found a first mark and ran on to find the third mark. ON ON. A block later I led to a Split and went right. Right. And I ran on to a Back Check and beyond thinking it looked like an arrow. Lifa called me back and we looked around before someone found fresh footprints leading to a fence climb. I ran to my right and paralleled the pack as Just Graham was streaking along in an alley. This eventually led to another Check and then to the park in the distance. Naturally we had to go there, but which way. Naturally I went the wrong way and I'm behind again. At the park the pack was long gone and apparently on a Back Check as they were returning on their path a little. I was now with Snotcho Mama and we ran along this road as the pack was on a parallel course in deep snow. They finally came up to a monument where there was a six pack of rot gut malt liquor. While there. Lifa got a call. Hello, this is a hash, not a call center. But it was Lower Wackoff, lost on trail and that missing link, I mean hasher from the start. He followed as best he could and then just headed to the park. Good move. With a few hints from Lifa, he was able to join us just as we left the Beer Stop. We left the park on a road and ran along the outside until we headed right back into the park and under a bridge and more park land until we finally hit the streets again. I was walking along with Berts Special Friend along here until I had the sudden urge to write my autograph in the snow. He left me behind. I guess he had to many eletters to write. The trail headed into city streets and worked its way east. I kept following green as in the shirt of Foamy Discharge. Every time I started running again, she did too. Damn. I just followed. Finally crossing a busy street I saw her go left in an alley. So I tried to go around and maybe finally catch up. Wrong time. She was standing in this field with the pack as I almost missed the Beer Stop. I had to plow through fresh deep show to get there, Just as Lower Wackoff andIts Too Soft got there for the last beers. Damn, I didn't know they were behind me. But we are soon off again on city streets and down an alley, almost at the hares house when we turned away through an empty lot and into an alley. And there was a turn into the backyard of a house. Abandoned. And full of bushes and trees and at the very front of the yard was the beer. Kool stop. 
.....From here it was a short walk back to the hare's house, warmth and cold, good beers and warm pop corn. Lifa got the circle going. And we went through everyone taking a turn leading the circle in Big Dog style before Horn-E ended it and we fell into Swing Low. 
.....Now we settled into some good home made chicken soup. Remember those chickens we played with last summer. They weren't pets. After this we got into singing some long songs with Happy Ass Grabber playing the piano. 
.....Who else was on trail? Son Of Spam, Drill In My Box. Hooch B4 Cooch, O'Shitty Runch, EZ On The Ass, Or G and coming out of retirement,Rusty Grundle. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 9 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was an A to B trail set by Just Tina, Bi Holer and Snotcho Mama out of Edgewater Lounge. Never go to Farraguts. There were to be many competitive drinking games along the way. Hey, maybe even some hashing. Seventeen trail hounds started out just around the corner into an alley for some grape vodka shots. Then we headed east to Clark for a Split that no one could find. So Horn-E went a little further east and finally found the mark and we were on for a long block and our first Check. We really stalled here. Never go to Farraguts. Three marks were found to the north, but nothing else. Oooops. Finally the pack wandered back and found marks to the south and a block south of Bryn Mawr and through some streets and alleys and another block south and we had a Check at Broadway. Helen Keller Facial went almost two blocks north and trail was found to the south. That had the pack going south and into an empty lot used for piling up snow. And a BN. Horn-E was dead last as the pack was playing some izzy dizzy and Hoosier Daddy was falling all over. And SnatchSquatch was falling all over trying to tackle him. Never go to Farraguts. While everyone had to bend over with their head on a bat that was touching the ground and spin 5 times. In the case of Drill In My Box, she is so short, it was more of a matter of just standing there and spinning around five times. Then Its Too Soft and Horn-E finished the game. The pack was soon on and south a block, over to Broadway, south one block and west a hundred feet to a playground for another stop for a simulated luge competition, drinking Malort at the end of a twisting course through the ice. As we left, we ran into Lifa coming from the wrong direction, but the pack was on to the end of the block. Never go to Farraguts. This was a long stretch of long straights and I fell way back along with Hoosier Daddy. We went south for 4 blocks, then way west to another stop, this time doing competitive chugging. I skipped that. And apparently so did Chunder Pussy and Hooch B4 Cooch. Hooch B4 Cooch noticed some marks on his way to the hash and just ran straight there with Chunder Pussy missing all of these stops. Never go to Farraguts. Anyhow, we are now heading north and back east and eventually to the final stop in a playground where hashers were trying to pitch pennies into cups and the pack had enough hooch in their bellies to be scattered all over the playground playing like Miss Quickfinger's class of five year olds. Finally we left for a short walk to, Farraguts. Never go to Farraguts. We eventually got the beer flowing and Feather acted like the RA. Not bad. Suddenly we were all to soon doing Swing Low. Never go to Farraguts. Apparently some prissy guys at the corner of the bar were offended by our singing and complained to the bar tender. So we were asked to stop and we did. No problem. Right? Not. Never go to Farraguts. Suddenly this old lady comes in, apparently the owner, and throws us all out, apparently for cooperating and stopping our offensive songs. Never go to Farraguts. 
.....So, the nice people we are, most of us went a mile south to Carols where they appreciate our money and good time crowd. We continued circle and swore to never go to Farraguts. And it really looked like a nice dive bar. Who would have ever expected the swill that hangs out in that dive could be upset by anything that didn't include puking in their own beer. Never go to Farraguts. 
.....Who else was on trail? The too loud, R-Tard-E, Epi Penis and Poultry Fucker, And don't forget the offensive Just Graham, Back Door County, Roofie Ragu, and the super quiet Hermonica. 
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On On 
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
The Inaugural Whiskey Hash, or Whiskey Wanker Hash, or Whiskey, Wankers and Wenches Wednesday Hash, Wed Jan 29, 2014 by Horn-E. 
.....Not sure whether it is W2H3, or W3H3, or W4H4. But Rhotan was our first hare for this Whiskey Hash out of Twisted Spoke on half price whiskey Wednesday. And we had a nice turnout, of wankers and one wench, Meat Insider, who loves these sausage hashes. We started out with a chalk talk fromRhotan. We already knew we are on trouble. Light blue flour. Arrrgh. Will they never learn. Anyhow it must have taken over ten minutes to get past that start with a Check. Somehow we ended up going west and north and slowly learning just how invisible these marks would turn out to be. Finally we are heading north towards Chicago Ave. Running in back, like that never happens, I got there and only saw The KGB and the hare walking east in front of this park field house to a Bad Whiskey Stop. I followed while the pack went west and then north around this park and a Check at the far end. While we waited and waited, Rhotan led the three of us in a name writing contest in the snow. Rhotan managed a Rhot;.... The KGB managed to get The Kg;.. Horn-E managed ;-'-,;'- Finally we saw the pack get to the end of the block and a Split. Naturally they all went the wrong way. Some ventured through the park and got closer to where we were. But horns and whistles meant nothing to that confused mob. Finally they spotted us and came on in. All but two. Guess. Yes, Lifa who ranges a lot and might have ranged around us and be long gone. Then there is Berts Special Friend with his reputation for going the wrong way. Finally we hear some hashers coming from, 'the wrong way'. And they brought the late coming Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and two virgins, Just Stephan and Just Jake. 
.....Finally we take off to the east and a Split that led us over this bridge to the east as we followed Hooch B4 Cooch and Lifa. This led north and a Check. Now we really struggled, again and again as somehow the trail found its way north on Milwaukee and then through some back streets and alleys and tunnels and missed and missing marks. We eventually made it to Elston and Division and another Check. After one returning hasher, we got a clue to retry going to the east over the bridge and soon we were on over the bridge. Here the pack had to climb a fence and down to river level. Now Horn-E knows better. There is no way trail can go along the river and has to come out on the next street. Besides his weak bladder was calling and there was no way he was climbing that fence. Well, sure enough, the pack comes out on that street and Horn-E finds a Check. Running south he finds, one, two, and the third mark in a snow drift. Glory Hole is right behind and we head on, to another Check. Several went straight including Horn-E who knew there was only one way out of that area in that direction, and Berts Special Friend. I should have know better. He is always in the wrong direction. And we were. But we ran on as Horn-E was still looking for a non windy corner for relief. And there was one, by a locked gate. Hate locks. Piss all over it and freeze the lock, leaving yellow icicles hanging from the key hole.
.....The pack went back to Halsted and then over to Division again. Now Rhotan was being a little guttsy here. Last time I remember hashing here, the police redirected the pack because there was a shooting ahead. Bad neighborhood housing project to their left. On their right was condos and town houses for the rich yuppie set. The police patrol this area 47.3 times an hour with left over armed Humvees from Afganistan with machine guns on top. Now in this cold, there weren't many gang bangers out, but the yuppies could be seen walking back and forth trying to get some more nose snow, and some were seen trying to sniff blue flour. At Chicago Ave there was a Check and some were stupid enough to keep going east and past those gang bangers at the drive by nose snow service station. But trail went back west over the bridge to a Check at Halsted. 
.....Meanwhile, Horn-E and Berts Special Friend had long ago hit that intersection and that Check. Berts Special Friend went south. Knowing he is always wrong, Horn-E went west. Damn. He was On and I was behind again. Then another quick Check. Horn-E pulled another False before heading west past another mystery mark and on to MIlwaukee.This went straight north on Milwaukee until a true trail across the street and there was this tall lanky guy on the far corner looking  like a rooster with his multicolored Mohawk hat. Soon Rhotan arrived. This was a beer stop in the narrowest bar in Chicago and it was packed. The path in the bar was narrower then a path through an unshoveled gangway. And Rhotan was buying shots here. Don't know what that costs for over 15 shots of whiskey. Horn-E doesn't do shots so he waited outside, directing the soon to arrive pack into the bar. After their shot, they went around behind the bar and waited in this wind tunnel in the damn cold and now we are talking wind chill factors here. The pack passed around a bottle of belly warmer and they were all indulging and indulging the melodic ramblings of Son Of Spam. Don't leave your day job. But he did attempt a W2H3 hash song. Keep working on it. Finally we were all assembled, except the missing Glory Hole. We all hurried back to the bar or shag wagon where we waited for the slowly strolling Son Of Spam. 
.....Inside the bar we found the missing Glory Hole stuffing his face with nachos and chili. There was also two House Puppies. Well one House Puppy, Hidden Panda and a cute little Puppette, Drill In My Box. Speaking of little House Puppys, Roofie Ragu showed up later. Anyhow, the pack eventually went to tables in the back to stuff their faces with good grub and WHISKEY. Good start. I heard that Glory Hole volunteered to be the next hare. I'm guessing Feb 26, but we'llkeep you posted. Other hounds on trail included Snotcho Mama, Just Graham, Feather, EZ On The Ass and Crotch Fire,  
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Thu Jan 30, 2014 by Horn-E. 
.....What happened to Chippendale? This hash was set by SnatchSquatch from O'Malley's West. Dark red marks. Good. Now we need just more of them. We took off to the south and a Three Way Check. South again for a block and our first Check. A bunch of hounds seemed to go west and never returned. Didn't call back to the pack either. And while the rest of us started to work the Check, the late arriving Chippendale ran up. We never saw him again. Finally some of us headed west including Just Steff, Foamy Discharge and Horn-E. Horn-E did blow the horn and waited until he saw someone coming. We came out of Oz Park to the north and down a side street. By now, Hooch B4 Cooch and Just Graham were also with us. We ran through a parking lot were the mark was ridden over by a car. But we found it and ran north through some alleys to Halsted and then south a block and west, and through De Paul. By now I could see the back of the pack heading west though the campus and I paralleled. They didn't come out where I was running. Circled back to Fullerton and east and there they were inIts Too Soft's condo front yard. Eventually SnatchSquatch led off from there with the walkers, Dickens Cider, One Fuck Chuck and Sugar Nuts, Eventually we followed, led by Just Steff, across Fullerton and under the tracks for a block and then west into more De Paul area and their little mall and a Check. By the time I got there, they were scattered everywhere to the north and west. Finally O'Shitty Runch went further north while the pack returned to the Check and someone headed south and they were soon On. Remember, 369 degrees. The bastard hare really got the pack here. Horn-E blew his horn for the disappearingO'Shitty Runch and we followed a block south to another Check. Damn hare was getting cutsey here. Another 369 degree On trail through an alley and the pack was everywhere but there. Again. Finally we are On and we headed south and west on Webster and another Check. Don't know where the pack went, but I headed south and found a mark in an alley, a Split and I headed way south. Eventually Foamy Discharge followed for a while before returning. Anyhow, at the next corner I saw Just Steff running east from Halsted, into Oz Park. I followed and was soon at the warm beer buried in snow, and about half the pack. Eventually almost all of us found it with Hooch B4 Cooch arriving just after we left. 
.....Back at the bar, One Fuck Chuck led the circle and did almost as many down downs as the hare. Drill In My Box did her usual good job of keeping our glasses full and Sugar Nuts kept the pitchers full. Hoosier Daddy got a down down for hashing in shorts in the cold. Who else was on trail? R-Tard-E, Epi Penis and Its Too Soft who joined us at the beer stop at his condo. Roofie Ragu was the lone House Puppy, arriving during circle.  
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash, 18 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This was set from the former Indian Road Woods, now known as Lechowicz woods by Horn-E. Just two days ago on the TH3 Hash, we had a slight bit of snow wipe out the trail. So, just asHorn-E hit the woods another snow started. He laid heavy red marks throughout the area and even found many marks from over two weeks ago when Lower Wackoff laid a trail through here in orange marks. Surely these heavy, wide, red marks would hold up for the fantastically laid trail through woods over streams and through a golf course. WOW, what a trail. But time was running out, so Horn-E returned to the start to get the pack off before returning to finish the trail of the year. 
Yeah sure. He didn't learn a thing from Thu. night. He found just one tiny little strip of red left from a huge wide mark. Nothing else. A waste of time. Totally. But what else could he do. It  was snowing. So Horn-E would have to lay a live trail. Yeah, that slow old man. 
With a Taste of Tecate from Chicken Stifer, he was off and running in snow that was about 6 inches deep and crusty from previous freeze/melt cycles. Who else would show besides those already there. Just run like hell and try and get as much trail in as possible before they got to the fantastic finish. Thirty minutes and thirty eight seconds according to Lifa. The others includedHooch B4 Cooch, Or G, Lower Wackoff and Snotcho Mama. Trail went along the rivers edge and up a little hill. Somehow Lifa's GPS had him running a big loop along the river that Horn-Edidn't relay. How did he do that without marks? Whatever. Trail went up to the tracks and a Check on the other side. Sucked them in here before they finally headed north on the tracks. Horn-E had picked up his shaker box and was now laying wide red marks again. Trail finally went into the woods on the right and a Check. And I was told that they fell for that False Trail. Good. Two hounds emerged from the woods just as the rest got there. Now the trail went to the west/south and into deep woods. A big loop down by the river and then back up to the top before another big loop towards the river and Central. Crossing Central Horn-E spotted the following pack heading into that last loop. He laid a Check along the road hoping they would head into the woods again. It stalled them just enough to get the trail past 30 minutes. Trail actually headed over the river on the bridge on Central, to the right for a nice little loop and then under the bridge where a case of beers were waiting, hidden under huge ice floes along the now dry bank. Or G finally found the beer, we were out of the snow and the beers were just cold enough. Or G got a little fire going, but the wood under the bridge was frozen and really couldn't get started. We held circle with about 20 good down downs of beer from the well over 10 selections. After the circle we headed over to the usual Nil tavern for a few pitchers of Spaten. 
The Tale of the Trail
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The Chicago Hash, 19 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Roofie Ragu out of J Patricks. I'd like to tell you a fabulous story of this trail, but I got a late start, was tired from yesterday's hash and running slower then normal. and that is slow these days. Anyhow, I followed the distant pack until they disappeared. Along Randolph trail had gone west a for a block. As I went along here, I could see some runners crossing Randolph about three blocks ahead. I thought I saw Lifa. So I decided to shortcut and try to catch the pack. Big mistake. Why does this city allow other joggers to run during our hash times? Anyway, the pack now turned east and I was heading west. All the way to Union Park. Trying to out guess the hare can get dangerous. I returned back towards the bar and never found any more marks. I kept looking around the area for a B for a total time on/off trail of about 75 minutes. Meanwhile the pack went almost down town before returning to the area for a beer stop just south of the bar. My beer is still supposed to be out there. 
Who else was there on this cold day running that trail? Hooch B4 Cooch, Snotcho Mama, SnatchSquatch, Epi Penis, Its Too Soft, Just Graham and O B Where's Art or something like that, from Oregon. 
On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
 11 Jan 2013, The Big Dog Hash, by Horn-E 
About eight inches of wet, heavy snow from the recent rains and above freezing temps. And that was in the woods. The  paths were more about six inches of wet slush. And it didn't get any better as the day worn on. That was what the hares, Ass Capades, Two Hairnets and Horn-E found as they took off. We each had containers of blood, I mean red flour. We also had back packs with 36 cans of beer. This was the Eight Beer Stop Hash in Catherine Chevalier Woods. Laying trail we spread out the duties of leading and laying marks and change the way the trail went. The other two hares sometimes followed in exact footprints and other times just wandered all over to confuse the pack. It mostly worked and the hounds mostly stayed together. All right, Lifa was off trail between Beer Stop one and four and SnatchSquatch skipped the second beer stop and, hell, I don't know who else missed what. 

The pack took off over a very high mound of snow surrounding the parking lot and into the woods to the south. I was staying behind to run back sweep. After a stretch of woods, Two Hairnets set a Check right after a shallow stream. Horn-E took over to the west laying true marks in the stream. At a Split, he took off to the south to confuse the pack with wrong way footprints and Ass Capades laid trail further south and across a path into a big loop. I think I wasted my time and the pack was scattered all over in the woods. After that loop, I saw Berts Special Friend running east on this path and into the woods with a lot of low hanging branches. The pack was soon behind them. We finally came out to a big wide path and another Check. The hares planned a real long False down that path and right past a dead turkey. Really. No, not a wild turkey but a 22 pound butterball dressed and frozen and already for a good thaw and a fire. But no one brought the turkey back. Maybe the coyotes got it. And who got caught on this long False. The FRB, Berts Special Friend. And that is what it was there for. Meanwhile the pack headed over the barbed wire and into the woods to the south following an Ass Capades section of trail. This led to a loop in SnatchSquatch tall grasses and back into woods for a Check. Hounds were everywhere and I have no idea who was on, if anyone, and who was just running around looking for another hound that looked like he was on. At this Check, the hares had a nasty plan. Three separate trail into the grasses. Two would go about two thirds of the way trough the field before coming to a False. The other was On and to the first Beer Stop. The idea was, even if you came to a False, you could see the other hounds on true trail and run to them through virgin sections of tall grasses. And hashers were scattered everywhere. Meanwhile the lead hound on the true trail found B and Soul Taco found the beer. Well done.

We emerged from the tall grasses and into the woods, heading towards the road at the far southern end on the woods. This would lead to Beer Stop number two. But on the way, SnatchSquatch, who was wandering on trail, came to the On Out marks from Beer Stop two. With only one set of footprints, he know he had to be On and headed off towards Beer Stop three. Meanwhile at Beer Stop number two, Jizzy and Hooch B4 Cooch found the beer up in a tree and it was Hooch B4 Cooch who retrieved the beer.

At beer stop three, I found a bunch of hounds gathered and finally moving off. Berts Special Friend and Or G and Just Jeff were left behind, drinking beer that they had to retrieve from the middle of a thorny bush. Bastard hares. 

From here we had some more trail running with a fork in the trail up ahead. Lifa had finally got back on trail and hit the fourth beer stop. But thinking he was so far behind, he ran on by. The hares have got to love that. Meanwhile the pack did arrive there at the rivers edge and EZ On The Ass actually found the beer in the hollow of a tree. Now it wouldn't be fair to mention that EZ On The Ass let the others drink and run on so he could spew. So don't read that last sentence. 

Meanwhile the pack ran on along the rivers edge on the slushy path. If you think that was easy, you weren't there. The hares tried to be sneaky and dirty. Damn rat bastards. Well, at least Horn-E. We finally headed into the woods and Two Hairnets was laying the true trail and Ass Capades and Horn-E were wandering all around laying false footprints. And we had the beer for the next beer stop. There was a fallen tree against another tree and a broken branch a hundred and fifty seven feet up. Horn-E had to hold Ass Capades so he wouldn't fall off of a branch while he used a stick to get the beers as high as we could. Then we told Two Hairnets to lay his B about fifty feet away with no footprints directly to the beer. Then he went on laying trail off through the woods. When I got there, there was a large pack gathered around that tree and sharing beer and just enjoying a rest in the peaceful woods, surrounded by a white winter wonderland. Beautiful.

We now continued to the north while the pack followed the trail of Two Hairnets. This finally came out at a big cross section of paths at the rivers edge. Any thoughts of heading off to the west in the lower levels was spoiled by the high waters and the wetlands full of wet slush. We're crazy and nasty, but not stupid. So we held the sixth Beer Stop right there. The pack found the beer before we got there and they were near the slush of the lower levels were Horn-E hid the beer and a maze of branches and roots and fallen trees or whatever.

And the trail goes on north on the wide path before heading into the woods again. The hares got nasty again. Ass Capades was laying marks while we wandered everywhere crossing tails and trying to confuse the pack. Then we had him lay a turn mark towards us with no footprints. We took over laying marks. Then we did it again as Two Hairnets laid a turn and Horn-E took over. The pack was running in a bit of confusion but managed to finally emerge on the path again. About a hundred yards later the trail headed downhill towards a stream of pure slush. And there was a B with an arrow across the slush. We're crazy and nasty, but not stupid. Two Hairnets had gone to a bridge and crossed over to lay out the beer, in the form of a seven, and visible from the other side. Damn Hares. But the hounds already mostly had wet feet and found logs and such to cross over the slush filled stream. 

From here the pack emerged at the end of the parking area and back into the woods. And eventually they would find the eighth Beer Stop. From there, the last peaceful stop in this winter wonderland, the trail came out of the woods and back to the cars. 

Meanwhile the hares decided to just walk through the parking lot area and we ran into THE MAN. You know, the tree police. Cook County's finest. Where was EZ On The Ass when we needed him. He works at County Jail. Maybe he could have gotten us off the hook. Hah. Anyway, THE MAN was worried about the red marks in the snow. Looked like blood. Yeah, in the form of arrows and B and N and Circles with x in the middle. Can't imagine a bleeding man doing that. He thought we should use yellow. I tried to tell him about all of the yellow snow out there, but he didn't catch the point. And we needed a permit and we needed to call them every time we do this. All right, he just doesn't get it. But we finally walked on. As he drove past us on the way out, he told me that we needed a permit for groups of over 25 and to just send in $75. Like we know when we will have over 25. Should I call them about next weeks Bushman Hash. We might get 6 or 7 hounds.

But he was gone and we headed back into the woods, out of the wind and held our circle. Three hares and sixteen hounds, three of them virgins. The hares got there share and we all got at least one. Then we headed over to a bar called Northwoods in a strip mall on Cumberland. $10 pitchers, but close to the woods. Only about ten of us made it there and we drank up the hash cash. Good time. See you all again next year. The virgins were Just April, Just Matt and Just Arlan. Come on back. They aren't all that wet and cold and hard. We also had Just Preston, Son Of Spam, Its Too Soft and EpiPenis.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 12 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
Little Trojan Annie set this trail out of Independence Tap. It was her birthday and she was all decked out in pink tutu and multicolored tights, etc. We won't lose her on trail. We finally took off heading north like every hash out of there. Almost. At the corner the trail went east and north through an alley and finally up to Montrose where we had a Check that really stumped the pack for a long time. I saw Lifa head north and then east after a block He didn't return. Hmmm.  Meanwhile I finally headed east on Montrose and then north for a long block. Still no marks. Headed back west and at the alley there was a mark and Hooch B4 Cooch running at me. True trail and we headed north in  the alley slipping and slidding everywhere. At the next corner there was a Triple split. Still in front, I chose east and I was on. This led to a school yard and a turn I missed and a Check. But at the corner was a Split and I kept going east. False. Damn. But no one was on. I found out later that Lifa was indeed ahead, and saw me heading towards the False, but he was far away and checking another route out. Anyway, I crossed the street and there was another False. So I lingered waiting to see where the pack would go. I turned away from the pack and headed towards the next corner, past the Falses. When I looked back, the pack was gone. Damn. Did they go north or south? I crossed the street to the north and there was a SS mark pointing into a park. Duh. That was why there were Falses on both sides of the street. Meanwhile the pack ran on north to Lawrence. From there the trail went three blocks east, two blocks south and back west two blocks to here I was waiting with the hare and SnatchSquatch who didn't run and was helping the hare on the beer stops, Finally TampOn TampOff came into the field. Then came Foamy Discharge. Finally the whole pack. It was funny watching them cross the park. Some went through the middle trying to dodge around the slush filled areas and others looping around the slush in deeper snow. After this we headed south and west and this time I fell behind to my usual position. Finally joining up with EpiPenis, Mount Schwiinga and W Jew 40 as I led them into the beer stop. From here the pack didn't seen to be finding the trail so I ranged west a block and then north. Not a mark and now totally seperated from the pack. Somehow Lifa and Hooch B4 Cooch found the second beer stop. Meanwhile I walked my lame ass back to the bar. Here was Pussy In Boots and New York Cock Exchange who quit earlier then me. Hidden Panda was also there although he didn't run. As far as that goes, we also had Drill In My Box not running the hash and Snotcho Mama stopped by after haring the Second City Hash. Eventually the rest of the pack came in. SnatchSquatch led the circle, and we gave many a down down to the hare for haring and her birthday. To many 'When one GM drinks all GMs drink.' Finally I got called out for a special gift from Little Trojan Annie. It was a horn, similar to the horns I use. It had a name on the plastic wrapping that said horn-e. What? While a bunch of hashers and her, were in Michigan, they got bored one day and they wandered into an adult toy store. And there it was. Now I don't know whether it was a nice gift, a good joke or an insult. It is a hand held self gratification device. Soft foam in side with a hole in the middle and a hidden compartment with some lube. But thanks. Really a good laugh on me. Now excuse me while I take a long low break. So. who else was there and on  trail? The Dark Kunt, Rump Springa, Mommy Strangelove, Its Too Soft, Just Graham and Foamy Discharge's brother Andrew and his girlfriend Morgan. And the beer flowed on. 

On On 
Horn-E





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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 23 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Slippery Fingers from Four Treys. It was a nice trail also. To bad the marks sucked. It just goes to show that Slippery Fingers is getting rusty not hashing because of his injuries. He forgot how it is looking for marks. Here's the deal. He used light pink flour. This could have been workable, but they were placed on slushy side walks and some snow banks where they were virtually invisible in the dark. There was a lot of fresh virgin snow on the sides of the side walks where the pink would have been more visible. It started with the first block were Taste The Rainbow turned right and went almost two blocks without a mark, because he didn't notice in the slush that it  was a Split. Without Hooch B4 Cooch sweeping, we'd still be out there. And we had a real small pack looking for marks. Where was everyone? It was a nice night. Anyhow, the trail worked its way south and east as we took turns spotting marks and managed to stay together for the most part. And who was this mighty pack? Epi Penis, Taste The Rainbow, Horn-E, Foamy Discharge and Famming Flaggot. As we worked our way south of Belmont, we got a little confused with a Back Check in a strip Mall. But again, the sweep led us around the mall and south on Ashland. From here we headed west and around the mall where we had a Check. We lost Taste The Rainbow here and the rest of us headed into a section of town homes where Epi Penis found Slippery Fingers and Fire In The Hole manning a shot stop. From here it was west on Diversey to Damen where we found the missing Taste The Rainbow working a Check. This went around the abandoned Public Housing and then north were we slowly got spread out. Hooch B4 Cooch gave Horn-E a hint to go east on Belmont and he ran/walked to the little park at Belmont and Damen where he beat Foamy Discharge over the head, pushed her into the street on the slippery ice and managed to get through the gate first as FRB to the beer stop. And here was everyone except Taste The Rainbow. Back at the bar we met several house puppies including Sugar Nuts, W Jew 40 and a future hound, Just Joanne. We finally finished off the beer money and headed out into the cold. I got as far as the corner bus stop when a cab came out of the gas station on the corner. He insisted I get in because it was so damn cold. He was done for the night and heading home. He gave me a ride right to my door, which was right on his way. Well, the ride was free, but I did give him a real nice tip. Thanks Mr. T. Cabby. 
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash & Second City Hash, Jan, 26, 2014 by Horn-E
This was a snow hash out of the home of Stab 'em and Slab 'em and it lived up to its reputation with another good covering of snow. Lifa and Stab 'em & Slab 'em laid the first part of the trail as hares for CH3 and Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 laid the second part as hares for Second City Hash. Or was it the other way around. But it was short and in a lot of ankle deep thick snow. We had 16 hounds on trial. It started with a Split and trail was found to the south right away. Not. Horn-E came by way of the bus on 63rd St. and saw a few marks going into this field by a school. So he headed north with Snotcho Mama and Rhotan. At 65th, Rhotan headed east, but Horn-E led Snotcho Mama into the field and we found a Check. Snotcho Mama headed north and found nothing. Horn-E headed east and picked up trail heading north on the next street. after a block there was a Triple Split and Horn-E headed north. The pack was gaining and TampOn TampOff headed east and was on. A virgin Just Michael was also running north on the other sidewalk, but we had nothing. So I headed east in the alley and at the next corner, I was back on trail. But there was a Back Check. So I headed east again in the alley and found nothing. I headed north to 63rd and here was Rhotan and Just Michael coming my way. But the pack was on to the north. We paralleled as they crossed 63rd and at the alley they headed back towards the pack. I went on north and at the next corner, there was Just Michael again coming my way. I looked around and there were marks going east and I led until Just Michael passed me. At a corner we had a Split and Just Michael headed north. I headed east and as I turned around the next corner TampOn TampOff was right behind me and there was W Jew 40 waiting with a shot stop. Hooch B4 Cooch was coming up from the south and soon the whole pack was there, except Just Michael. WTF. 
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After the shot we headed north to a Split and Snotcho Mama took the lead with Horn-E right behind. We headed into the Midway Plaisance. There was a Check at this statue in the middle and Snotcho Mama led to there. And a lot of younger, faster hounds passed Horn-E as they blazed trails through the deep snow. TampOn TampOff went NE following marks on trees, but he couldn't find that damn third mark as he entered the tunnel. Horn-E followed and found that damn mark, crossed the street and entered the tunnel. TampOn TampOff soon passed him and led to a Check at the park. While we both checked south, trail was found to the north and a good False behind the hare's old condo. I thought it might be there. But we were back Checking again. I returned to the mark I saw and looked for some smart hare ranging that didn't follow footprints. Wrong. The ON call came from the east and I now new where we we going, The Japanese Garden. Snotcho Mama and Horn-E headed that way through deep snow while the rest of the pack looped around on the road and we were DFL into the beer. All right, I was DFL. Or so we thought. But Just Michael was still MIA. WTF. Apparently he ran on to the north, out of Hyde Park and north to the Loop where he circled the Loop, checked out Navy Pier and finally headed back south along the lake front. As he got to the museum, he circled it and crossed a bridge were he spotted the pack and came in DFL. Or maybe it was something different. I know when we finished he went back out to put in a few more miles. He likes to run. 
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After this beer stop the trail went south on the island, crossed the bridge, and then did a loop in the park before we had another beer stop, just before leaving the park. Again I was almost DFL. And there was Dickens Cider, first to a beer stop. Well, she helped carry the beer there. Damn injuries. From here it was a long walk back to the house. 
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Inside we held circle in the basement where SpeckleBird led the circle. Was it good. Lets just say he used to be good and he showed some flashes of the past. Many where were called out, especially the hares. But just another shitty circle. We met our virgins, Just Michael and Just Lindsey. We then went upstairs for Italian Beef sandwiches, soup and many other tastes. I finally left when Snotcho Mama offered a ride. I'm not stupid, Take the ride when you get it. Other hounds on trail, Berts Special Friend, Chippendale, Epi Penis, Just Graham, Feather, Its Too Soft, Mommy Strangelove, False Advertising and Roofie Ragu. Mudsucker was the only House Puppy and Squeeze These took her kids sledding with Just LIndsey. 
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 9 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
What happened? Hell I don't know. I can only tell what I do know. One Fuck Chuck and Chippendale were going to hare from the Tap Room for Little Trojan Annie's birthday and get her good and fuckedup. I hope they succeeded. 
I checked the cta web site for bus times and schedules to get there. I had two options going straight south on Western. I went for the earlier one and the backup would get me there just in time. I left home early and got to the bar forty-five minutes later then scheduled and 25 minutes after hash time. WTF. Traffic, late and missing buses. Hoosier Daddy was on the same Western bus. He said that the Facebook site mentioned an A prime finish. What is A prime? I know A to B. Anyway, we are both slow runners and would never catch the pack that late in the game and especially in the snow and slush and dark. So we went for the idea that it was A to B and finishing at W Jew 40's place. We could go there and find the beer stop and then work the trail backwards. Well, we scoured the area and never saw a single mark. We went to his door twice and no one was there. Finally we headed back to the bar near 9PM. Since the pack apparently wasn't coming to W Jew 40's house, we could go there and wait for their return. Furgetaboutit. We got there at 9PM and saw one tiny mark just south of the bar. Its Too Soft arrived at the same time, not to run, but enjoy the ON ON in the bar. Horn-E checked the area around the bar for a beer stop. Like that park a block east of the bar where we have had so many beer stops. Nothing. In the bar, we found out that the pitcher price was $6. Worth the pack returning for that price. We all ordered a Sierra Nevada pint at only $2. The bar tender said she was told that the pack was returning to the bar. We finally left at 10PM. WTF. What happened? If it was an A to B, it should be announced as such and the general rule is to leave an address as to the finish for anyone who might have arrived late. Not tell the bar tender you will be back. Little Trojan Annie, I hope you had a blast on your birthday. Don't know how much time Its Too Soft wasted in coming there. As for myself and Hoosier Daddy, it was about five and a half hours each, round trip, wasted. 
So, what is the point. Shit happens. If plans change, or are different from the norm, make an effort to make the hash work for everyone and not just those in your immediate presence. If the pack actually came back there for circle, after 10pm, what happened? Two and a half hours. Hope nothing bad happened to anyone to cause such a long hash time to get back to the bar. Looking forward to the next several hashes to hear what happened.
On On
Horn-E  


xThe Tale of the Trail is back, but shortened stories for a while. 
Jan 2, 2014, The Thirstday Hash by Horn-E
We ran out of Wrigley Ville North and our hares were Just Lauren and Rump Springa. It was a nice turnout for the snowy weather leading into a weekend of hell and snow and realllllly cold temperatures. We took off to the west and ended up with a big loop around the cemetery north of Irving Park and all the way to Montrose. That left me hopelessly behind with two long straights. The trail then went a block or so north of Montrose as it headed east and then south under the Red Line tracks. Now I'm completely hopelessly behind and at that point I had only seen three marks. WTF. But I occasionally could see someone in the distance. Lost the trail as it went south of Montrose. But as cold as it was supposed to be, I was comfortable and kept ranging looking for marks. Finally picked up trail as it went east of Sheridan. This turned out to be just a loop around the block and then on south to Irving Park. I'm now two blocks from the bar and already missed one of the drink stops. Trail went east on Irving Park to a WN mark into a big lot. That is Wine Near. But again, the pack was long gone and I checked a little of the perimeter of that lot and figured, hey, I'm now only three blocks from the bar. So I ran on in and found the pack waiting in the bar. Shit happens. After a circle led by Happy Ass Grabber, and all to many views of Happy Ass Grabbers ass and One Fuck Chuck's moose knuckles in tights. We finally got around to naming Just Lauren. Little Trojan Annie took over and we had a great Q and A session with Just Lauren. Then she headed into a corner and many great names were submitted. And that damn old man proved to be a dirty old man as he submitted three names that got onto the list including some not fit to be mentioned. The elimination process took over and she was finally called out. She was on her knees and actually crying at the thought of being named. And forever more she will be known as Sugar Nuts. Congrats. Then Chippendale opened up six pizzas and we settled into a long night of eating and drinking. 

The Tale of the Trail
Jan 3, 2014, The First Crack of the Moon Hash by Horn-E
We ran out of Gladstone again for Lower Wackoff's anal weekend winter classic. True to it's historical record, the weather was shit. Snow came down during the whole time he laid trail and the whole time we ran. The first mark was buried and even the hare couldn't find it. We actually did manage to see a few hints of marks at certain corners as they appeared as a slight pink glow under the snow. But Or G and Horn-E pushed on until we finally talked the hare into going live. He did and we managed to follow trail from that point on. Well, we struggled, but did follow the trail. We really struggled at Central and Elston and when we finally entered the woods. I was tromping in knee deep snow looking for marks. The hare finally pointed out an orange mark on a tree. From there on we sort of followed the marks on trees, even though they were often only the size of a handprint. That is a new born babies handprint. We worked our way to the river and ran and stomped through the deep snow until Or G froze. No, not from the cold, but the sound of an owl hooting. So there you have three old men standing in the woods hooting at an owl while all the young kids in the area were off at Hooters, hooting at hooters, looking for some fresh meat. From here we finally came to a clearing. I don't know if the younger hashers saw any hooters, but we finally saw our hooter flying just over the tree tops and following the river looking for meat. Here we headed over to a shelter and found the beer. Good beers. We stood in this wonderland of snow covered ground and trees while we enjoyed our beer. 
After the beer stop we walked back to the bar were we found a corner to ourselves. The bar was packed with a bunch of revelers celebrating a  birthday with their own disk jockey and loud music. I really don't think they heard our singing at circle with all of that noise. 

The Tale of the Trail
5 Jan, 2014, The Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
We had tree hares trying to replicate their first trail of a year ago. Now named, it was Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam and Crotch Fire out of the Drum and Monkey. Two hares were out laying a live trail while Son Of Spam got us started. We ran all of three blocks before he had a shot stop in a park. After this stop, Feather took off across this park to a Check. And again he headed into a field where he found trail coming out on Taylor. Crossing Taylor the trail went east and south as Snotcho Mama and Horn-E fell behind and occasionally out of sight. The front of the pack solved trails and Splits and Checks as we barely kept them in sight. We finally went under a railroad tunnel. From here the trail climbed up to a railroad spur. At the top we headed along the tracks in deep snow. The trail was wearing out Snotcho Mama who finally had to sit and catch his breath. Fortunately there was a lounge chair in the snow and after a quick dusting he had his break. Now the pack is out of site. But local knowledge came out to rescue this lame pair of hounds. At the next street the trail went east. But the hares had done this before. Their apartment is south and west of here. Hmmm. Lets go south and see if we can pick up trail. After a block we saw Lifa, Feather and finally the rest of the pack emerging from a field to where we were. We then ran on to the hares house where we found the hares and an extended indoor beer/mystery drink stop.  
When we left we found trail to the west. Finally at Racine, trail headed north. I was in back already and could see the pack ahead. False Advertising was waving left, then right, then left and finally the pack was gone. From there I couldn't find another mark. But I was on Racine and the bar was just west of Racine. So I headed into the strong cold headwind and back to the bar. Meanwhile the pack ran off to the west where they had a river crossing in the cold. But TampOn TampOff used his river crossing expertise to lead them across without getting wet. They finally came to a 17 story water tower and Mommy Strangelove was posing about 47 steps up. Then she led to to the top where Meat Insider was waiting with 3 30 packs of Ice House beer and a case of Malort. After a few hours of drinking and warming their insides, they returned to the bar just after horn-E arrived looking like Roalf Amundsen after crossing Antartica solo in a bikini. Our House Puppies inncluded Its Too soft and Sugar Nuts, sitting there warm as toast in front of the roaring fireplace.  Our visitor Mr. Hanky was blubbering into his hanky while reminising about the tropics back home in Corpus Christie. And EpiPenis came in holding two bodies over his shoulders, wearing fourteen layers of clothing and shivering like a pair of six foot vibrators. After undressing, well a few layers of clothes, we found Hooch B4 Cooch and Rhotan.  We soon got into a circle and the beer was flowing. Lifa led things and soon it was over and we could get into the great food and more beer. Then we had to head back into the cold to the nearest pubic transportation. 

On On
Horn-


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Oct 3, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We ran an A to B trail from Half Acres tap room with Furry Spice and O'Shitty Runch as hares. I'd like to say this was a good trail but I'm not that good of a liar. Maybe it worked from the stand point of the pack. But I followed trail with One Fuck Chuck. He was a bit under the weather and we know Horn-E can't run for shit these days. So they walked and jogged the whole trail. Actually most decision points were marked and we kept the pack in sight for about 3/4ths of a mile. From there on we just followed along. We got stuck a bit at Lincoln and Irving Park. The Check was marked, pointing across the street and south. But there were no marks on that side of the street. Ooops. We looked around a bit and finally found an arrow by the hare pointing south on the west side of the street. But the real trail went south on the east side of the street, only going to the west side of the street after over a block.
.....Just a note to sweeps. If you mark things in the ultimate direction, bypassing a bit of trail, make more marks in the new, slightly changed direction or you just confuse and possibly loose those that are following from way behind.
.....Anyhow, we plunged on to two blocks west of Western and then turning back as trail wound its way back to Welles Park where we found the pack at a beer stop in the Gazebo. Beer, at last.
.....Then we went to the On On at O'Lannagans. So far, so good. Then they started to pout beer from both taps. Unfortunately, the beer out of the Coors tap was skunked. Really bad, even for Coors. I mentioned it to Little Trojan Annie and a short time later I saw Drill In My Box with several pitchers lines up on the bar and tasting them and rejection several. The owner also tasted them and finally they were officially rejected and dumped and we got to the good beer. Well, Budweiser, but at least not skunked.
.....Meanwhile The Dark Kunt was leading circle with a electronic Megaphone. Please don't. Just shout. But otherwise, a good circle. And we all were now on good beer and the party went On and On and ON.
.....Some trail hounds in attendance included Ass Capades, Roofie Ragu, Lifa, Four Score In The Back Door, Frequent Flyer, Urine Love, Taste The Rainbow, TampOn TampOff, Glory Hole, Ass You Wish, Just Sean, Just Mark, Just Ted, Just Steph, and visitor Pretty Pittsburgh from Philadelphia. Some House Puppies included the visitor Virgin Bloody Mary from Memphis, Its Too Soft and the injured W Jew 40 with stress fractures in both legs. Hey, good luck on your recovery and hopefully it will be soon.
x
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Oct 6, 2013 by Horn-E
.....Laid from the home of Its Too Soft, with Lifa haring. We had about 24 hounds at the start, but a bunch of them were walkers heading straight to the beer stop. Meanwhile the rest of us started off to the east and then south working our way towards a big Check at Wrightwood, Sheffield and Lincoln. No one was getting anywhere until we got an On call into and through the park. Damn False on the end caught Chicken Stifer, Horn-E and a few others. Some of us wandered west and then north. Finally we had an On call a block north on Lincoln. Poultry Fucker and Horn-E were following as the trail went east and north towards Diversey. Horn-E managed to blow the horn and got EpiPenis following. Running down Diversey I saw Poultry Fucker crossing the street to the north at Racine. When I got there, now with EpiPenis, we interrupted a sweep arrow as going north on Racine. So we did. After a block we found no marks. Crossing Racine, we found an arrow (actually a second arrow after a Split) heading north. One more block. Nothing. Making a calculation we headed over to Lincoln. Big mistake. If we went east, we would have picked up trail at the alley, about a hundred feet away. Damn. Meanwhile at Lincoln there were no marks. Heading back towards the Check, Horn-E was determined to check out trail going through the gas station. That is when we saw that Split, with the other arrow pointing to the alley behind the gas station. Damn. Horn-E checked it out and was soon On and blowing the horn. Followed by Mudsucker, Chicken Stifer and Mommy Strangelove, EpiPenis soon passed Horn-E and then the rest of this mini pack passed him. Chicken Stifer took the lead and got caught by a quick one block long loop back. Horn-E yelled out to Mudsucker and saved him that loop and we soon headed east. And soon they left me and Mommy Strangelove behind. Horn-E led her into some alleys and eventually to Wellington by the hospital. That's when Mommy Strangelove yelled out to Horn-E, I'm quitting this shitty trail. I hate it. I'm going back to the warmth of Its Too Soft's living room and drink beer. So there." And so I ran off alone. About a block later I saw Mudsucker disappearing to the north, the last hasher I saw. I ran/walked on. Halsted, Briar, Broadway, Belmont, Sheridan and finally heading south and back. Yeah, sure. A few blocks later trail went into an alley. I ran to the end and no marks. Searched around, no marks. finally returning in the alley I confirmed the marks were there. At the entrance to the alley I finally found a mark heading south. It was all a back Check. Not bad if you see the Back Check, but I didn't. Damn. So I followed trail to Diversey and an unmarked Check. Trail went west and then south and finally a BN. BN means beer near. But it never is. At the next Split, I picked wrong, again. This left me in the position of going back, and following trail to the B, probably in the park or at Its Too Soft's old condominium. Either was looking to far and they might not even be there when I got there. So I called it and went back to the warmth of Its Too Soft's apartment. Not. Locked. Damn. On the roof were seven freezing hashers sitting in the wind, drinking beer. And there was Mommy Strangelove, shivering. Fortunately within five minutes, the hares returned and we could go inside. And there was Drill In My Box, on the couch, under a blanket and sleeping, alone. Shortly after the pack started arriving. Back to the roof where Chunder Pussy ran a circle and we froze in the wind. The worst case of frost bite came from Meet Insider, shivering in short shorts. Hey, your legs look great, but you need to bring some warm clothes for after. Your name id Meat Insider, not Heat Insider. But I ramble on. After circle, EpiPenis did the grilling, hot dogs and burgers. Back Door County did a lot of cooking inside in the kitchen. Food was good, beer was good and finally, those that managed to stay all moved inside.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Sept 30, 2013 by Horn-E
.....SnatchSquatch and Chicken Stifer laid trail out of a bowling alley, Lincoln Lanes. Cool too. They had an upper deck where we could circle and not bother the bowlers below. And after circle, many hashers did some bowling. Anyhow, lets get back to hashing. We had about 25 hounds for this trail at the start. Trail basically headed west starting with the usual alley. Running almost dead last, I was about to be passed by Son Of Spam when he suddenly stopped for some impromptu dumpster diving. What was that all about? At Rockwell there was a Check and just as I got there, trail was found to the south. At an alley just before Lawrence we headed east and found ourselves a hundred feet south of the start. Trail went through an alley and everyone regrouped at Lawrence waiting for traffic. Finally we barged right through the traffic and into an alley and then west under the El tracks. At the next block trail went south and then around a school and into a small nature garden section. Another Check here had the pack confused. Caught Red Headed and myself just caught up as trail was found through the garden and south in an alley. At the end of the alley, trail went west on Montrose and some hashers got sucked into crossing the river. Don't know what that was about, but I saw some hashers including Jizz Limit and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob heading west in the alley just south of Montrose. This leads to a nature path along the river and it was very dark. Trail was just not evident at all, but at each block we could see some chalk arrows at the roadway. We finally headed east in an alley, and after a few blocks we were at Western. By now I think I am dead last and just following trail. Go left, go right, go left, go right and so in went. I headed north in an alley and turned to the east and suddenly no marks. A block later I still didn't see any marks so I headed north to Welles Park and as I cross the street, there is the pack just heading across a ball field. They were heading towards the far northeast corner and a Check. I could see hashers heading south on Lincoln. Gotcha. Trail went east and I was passed by Taste The Rainbow and Berts Special Friend who were out ranging. And the rest of the pack is disappearing again as I barely saw SnatchSquatch in the distance, marking Splits and such. More left right left right and finally we cross under the El tracks and a whole pack of hashers catches me. Where did they come from? Reverse Muff Diver was leading them and included Son Of Spam and The Dark Kunt and a few others. We finally get to Lawrence, just east of Damen and a left, left. Change of direction. This led to an alley paralleling Damen and north to Ainslie. Destination, The Chicken Coop for a beer stop. And so it was, straight ahead for 6 short blocks. And just before I got there, R-Tard-E came racing past me so he wouldn't get DFL.
.....Behind the building the pack gathered. Beer was being consumed. All right, a heads up here. After years and years of Chicken Stifer beer stops of crappy Lite beer, he has been regularly coming out with a great supply of different craft beers at has beer stops. Well done. After the Beer stop we headed back to the bowling alley.
.....Just a side note. Back in 1988, the Chicago Hash came up with hash shirts that were bowling shirts. Pink. Yech. And expensive too. I managed to get three good shirts in Malaysia for mine in a good swap.  
.....Taste The Rainbow called the circle together and the beer was flowing. They had some idea of Retro night for this and oldest shirts were called forward. Definitely won with a shirt I got in Malaysia in 1988. After circle several hashers got into bowling and I took an early ride home. Other hashers I saw in trail were EpiPenis, Glory Hole, Back Door County, Drill In My Box, Poultry Fucker, Lifa, Ass Capades, O'Shitty Runch, Just Colin, Hoosier Daddy, Just Buddy, Just Brian, and Just Kate. Its Too Soft and Bloody Brown Castle were both House Puppies.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 26 Sep, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We started out of Jefferson Inn at the Jefferson Park Blue LIne stop and Rump Springa was our hare. All right, he got his training in Waukesha. What could we expect. But fifteen brave hounds set out on trail anyway. The trail headed straight Northwest for a block and a Check. This had us going west for two short blocks to a Triple Split. By the time I got there, someone was already coming back from Northwest on Higgins. You guessed it, the trail went Northwest on Higgins. I believe Lifa was already long gone before the rest of the pack headed off on Higgins. It went a long way before Horn-E finally found a third mark for the rest of us. And on and on we went. There was a T and E Split and the Eagle apparently only went to the first alley and paralleled the Turkey trail in the alley for three blocks and back on the main trail again. And On and on we went on Higgins to Austin. Seven blocks later. This was a killer Check. No one apparently saw the first hidden arrow on Austin. I know, I tried and missed it. But after much checking, the trail was finally found, straight north on Austin, about four blocks to a foot bridge over the Kennedy Expy. After this, trail kept going north to Bryn Mawr and another Check. Again the pack couldn't find marks, but the pack eventually headed east on Bryn Mawr. Whistles, calls of On On would really help. The last of us finally followed including Foamy Discharge, Roofie Ragu and myself. And another long straight of about four blocks to Milwaukee and a Check. This one was easy and trail went one block south on Milwaukee and then to the right to the first street where we found the hare with a beer stop by a park. Home brew too. About here, SnatchSquatch decided to go straight and missed the beer stop. He found marks a block later, and ran on. We never saw him again until the finish. But he was On trail. After the beer stop, trail came back to Milwaukee and headed south to a Check at Foster. This led straight south for another two blocks and then to the left. We somehow lost Lifa here. Following some city streets to the east, we came to another neighborhood park and another beer stop. After here, there was trail south to Ainslie and then over the Expy, and back north to the bar. Or you could follow Horn-E on the shortcut straight east and through the tunnel under the Metra tracks and back to the bar. No one did. Local knowledge. Anyhow, Horn-E did manage to find Lifa running in circles looking for trail and directed him to the beer stop.
.....Back at the bar, we ended up in the smoking room, a very narrow blocked in walkway where we could all squeeze in. And someone was cooking and offering some half sandwiches and finally some good, hot drum sticks, right off of the grill. Little Trojan Annie ran circle. Drill In My Box played beer wench. Other hounds on trail included, String Theory, Urine Love, Frequent Flyer, False Advertising, O'Shitty Runch, Chicken Stifer, W Jew 40, and our visitor, Three Men And A Horse. We did have two House Puppies, Its Too Soft and Ice Princess.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 Sep 2013 by Horn-E
.....Hoosier Daddy was setting trail out of The Lincoln Tap Room. And he had a drink deal, any tap, free. And there were a lot of good beers to pick from. 9pm to 11pm. Wow. Should have been a great turnout. I walked in and looked at the pack. There were less hounds then at the Bushman last weekend. I stepped back out and the weather was beautiful. What gives? And only two Harrietts. And they were virgins. I had to tell them later that we really do have ladies running with us. Eventually with last minute runners showing up, we had one more hound then the Bushman to save CH3's Hash Cred. Hey, let's get out there and hash.
.....Trail wasn't all that long. We headed north through two Checks to Belmont Lincoln intersection. By the time this old fart arrived, the pack was scattered and no one was yelling On. Finally the hare gave a clue to the two virgins, that the person who went east, never returned. Hmmm. So they followed and they didn't return. So I followed and sure enough, three marks. I blew the horn and the rest of the pack was able to finally follow. Hey, it is a group effort. Yell On, blow whistles, whatever, but let the pack know when you are On. At any rate, we kept going straight east now. Suddenly the leaders were seen to the right at a cross street. A big loop, or was it two loops. Finally I'm back with the pack. We are now heading east again when the leaders again are lost. Lifa returns and sees a mark pointing across the street. How could anyone miss these marks. He must have used about 20 pounds of Coke, or was it Anthrax, or maybe Gold Medal. Anyhow, Lifa interpreted the mark as going into a nearby alley and several followed. But there were no marks. Meanwhile, Horn-E, following in the back, crosses the street and sees a loop back mark that everyone missed. Hey, I found one. And we are now running back to the west. Two blocks later, I'm hopelessly behind again. And trail went south on Southport. Following along, I thought I saw the pack ahead, (To many non hash runners in that area. Damn.) after another loop back. Well, the trail did go east, but it didn't loop back and now I'm way off trail. So I parallel, I think, looking for anything coming south. I make my way all the way to Sheffield and there I spot Vote For Pedro coming towards me and then heading south on Sheffield. I followed and when the trail went past the home of Its Too Soft, the hare was on the roof calling me up for a beer stop. And on the roof was the FRB, SnatchSquatch. All right, he knew were it was and when trail got near there, he went there. Finally the whole pack got in.
.....We held a brief circle on the roof in the nice weather and clear sky, led by Taste The Rainbow. Finally the 30 pack was finished and we walked back to the bar. After a bit, the band took a break and we had another circle where we were finally, formerly introduced to our two virgins, Just Devon and Just Elise. Welcome to hashing and cum back often. Others on trail included Roofie Ragu, O'Shitty Runch, Jizz Limit and Epi Penis. We also had several House Puppies, Its Too Soft, Slippery Fingers, Cupcakes, Hooch B4 Cooch and Just Lauren.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash #100, 21 Sept. 2013. by Horn-E
.....There were a lot of times when we never thought it would get this far. But we made it, and many thanks to Lifa and Or G for signing up to hare so often. Lifa told me he is now at 57 trails. And I my self have made all 100, sort of. As a hare too. I had a Co-hare in EZ On The Ass for the first, which was also my personal 20th anniversary of hashing. I was having personal medical issues for Number 96 and Lifa suggested I plan the trail and he would lay it while I guarded the beer at the finish. Alright, a weak claim to co-haring, but we're calling it that. And at Number 97, Or G also volunteered to help me get through laying the trail and he them swept the trail for me. I'm back laying them on my own now. 
.....Lifa mentioned returning to the start of the Bushman for the 100th and so it was. I was out setting trail for three hours and I managed to find some territory we've never been through before, despite hashing here so many times. We started out with Son Of Spam leading the pack across the grasslands and up the big hill for a Check. From there they had a short section of deep woods and then a long sweeping path around a big field of tall prairie grasses. Well, we had to do those and they were about ten feet high at the end. Then some nasty weed covered forest land before a Check at a parking lot. Trail then entered a small section of woods, between a wide path and a road. All virgin territory, finally coming out to a path with some low prairie grasses. Heading west we came to a Check in a grove of trees. Trail then back tracked a bit with a wide loop that brought us to a path near the road again. This came out to a wide field of picnic land and another Check. Only one trail out of here, hugging the north end of the field and finally along the river on the west end. This led to a creek leading into the river with a Check on the other side. Not sure who else, but Or G leaped over this muddy area and took off on the obvious long False. Meanwhile the real trail headed into a section of woods and out to a trail heading southeast through a narrow path of thorny bushes that are fast overgrowing the path. We followed this to another parking lot and another Check. This led across the grasslands and picnic areas until we headed into deep woods again. And another Check. Damn hare. From here trail headed straight south, out of the woods and across picnic areas before heading to a trail leading under Irving Park and a Check on the other side. Don't know what happened here, but there was another long False with the real trail clinging to the east side of the area and eventually a path into the deep woods. They ran on paths from here on as trail headed back to the finish with a series of Splits and one Check at the bridge.
.....After the pack took off, Bloody Thighs and Gas Stop Bob joined Horn-E as we headed into the woods to set up the beer and circle in the woods. And did we pick up the burrs on the way. Damn. Gave us something to do while we waited for the pack. Gas Stop Bob hid the beer and eventually the pack arrived, led by Lifa. Always Cums First was the first Bush Babe in, leading our other Bush Babe, Just Do Me Slowly. Within five minutes we were all in. Beer was flowing with a variety of over twenty beers to choose from. And who was in this pack. We had two virgin Bushman, Cunt Put and EpiPenis. Son Of Span, who wrote the Bushman Hash Song. Two Bush Babes, Always Cums First and Just Do Me Slowly. SnatchSquatch, R-Tard-E, Rumpspringa, and Sir Poops A Lot who earned his bandanna. Two non runners in Bloody Thighs who was witnessing our traditions for the first time and The Gas Stop Bob who wrote the song for the Grand Poofta, about all of his ailments and such. Damn! And of course, Lifa and Or G.
.....After our circle we returned to the cars where Lifa brought out his grill and sausages. Always Cums First did the cooking. Many other contributions included salad from Bloody Thighs, rice balls from Just Do Me Slowly, salsa and chips, And Horn-E had a special cake made up with camouflage frosting and Bushman Hash #100 on top. And they said it was good. Horn-E also brought out a half gallon bottle of Altenmunster beer for all of us to toast the Bushman Hash #100. We ate, we drank and had a little more circle. All was good and finally, unfortunately, it was time to end it. A good #100th.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, 18 Sep 2013 by Horn-E
.....The start was out of Big Joe's with Horn-E haring. If anything can go wrong, it will. Horn-E was about a third into laying trail when the rain stated. Going home to get flour, he barely made it before the deluge happened. He headed back out in a lull and by the time he got to the bar, it was pouring. So much for that drought. He set out on trail in the rain and laid marks in whatever sheltered spots he could find, or on telephone polls and trees and in corners, etc. Would they hold up. Would anyone come. It was a little over a two mile trail when flour ran out, and Horn-E got to the sheltered beer stop.
.....Back at the bar he found Bloody Thighs waiting and she told him no one showed, but Lifa was on the way. This was a bit special for Lifa because about fifteen years ago he attended his first hash in Chicago out of this bar. Well, he finally arrived and dressed, or undressed for the hash. He took about 25 to 30 minutes to run the trail, with little difficulty finding only one spot where the marks were questionable. The marks held up even though it poured the whole way. Horn-E and Bloody Thighs walked to the beer stop and Horn-E was just opening a beer when Lifa arrived, looking like a drowned rat. The beer was Judgement Day Ale from The Lost Abbey, and with the rain, it looked like Judgement Day was upon us. We were about to consign Lifa to the Lost Abbey. Imagine, beer with a cork at a beer stop. We finished the beer about the time of a short lull in the rain and headed back to Big Joe's. We drank beer, held a short circle and finally everyone left. And I actually was able to walk home without any rain.
.....If it is scheduled, you make due with the adversity thrown our way, and carry on. Hopefully the next trail will have better weather. But hash is hash.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 19 Aug 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Berts Special Friend and Meet Insider out of Liars Club. And if you listened to their chalk Talk, you'd agree that they were. So what happened? We had 20 trail hounds raring to go. We headed across the street and a Split that led into an alley. After another split we were heading down Clybourn and to a Check. This had us going further south on Clybourn and the pack was soon heading all over a parking lot. Horn-E followed Rusty Grundle as he headed up and along the tracks looking for marks. But it was Horn-E who spotted the Back Check that no one realized they were at. From last to first as Horn-E headed back and under the tracks where he found trail heading east. Just like Back Checks are supposed to work. A block later Rusty Grundle passed him and that slow old man was finally able to walk. And the whole pack passed him when Super Stuffer finally ran by. Across Ashland and at the entrance to a park, there was a Triple Split. And the pack was stalled. Finally the trail was found through the park and east to a quick loop and then south towards Fullerton. I was following Hoosier Daddy at this point and trail went east in an alley just before Fullerton. Two blocks later, we crossed Fullerton and east in another alley. I finally caught up to the pack as they were really stalled at a Check. On on was finally called going south on some tracks and then east towards De Paul. Here they did a little loop to the south and then through that little mall space in De Paul. By now the pack was out of sight and Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly headed though the mall. At the far end, there were no marks. So we ranged through the mall and found a massive Split. Horn-E went west and found nothing, just missing the true trail. We ran around a bit and suddenly I Lean and Panicum Vaginatum were following the same path. Horn-E circled back and still never saw where the trail turned. So he ventured out and across Fullerton and finally saw marks going east and was soon joined by the other three. We headed down an alley and then through a parking lot to a Triple Split on Sheffield. The four of us checked each direction, alone and with others, twice at least, and never found another mark. We finally called it and headed back on Fullerton. And now, the hare comes by on a bicycle. He tells us where the Beer Stop is, On Webster off Ashland. And off he goes. Just Do Me Slowly, Panicum Vaginatum and I Lean finally decided to run over there. Horn-E just went back to the bar.
.....And there I sat, with a glass of water, for about a half hour. Finally the House Puppy of the day, Its Too Soft arrived. When I told him the pack was still out, he grabbed his phone and walked off. I guess he was afraid he might have to talk to Horn-E. But the pack soon wandered in. It took quite a while before the beer started to flow and Just Erin volunteered to be the beer wench. She had to carry many cans of beer on a tray as she wandered the circle. And if you think this was a set up for disaster, it was. Twice she almost lost it and many cans spilled onto the tray. The first time, our virgin Just Kate took the tray and did a massive down down. Well done Just Kate. Our other virgin was Just Glen and they were both brought to the hash by Just Buddy. Well done. Taste The Rainbow led the circle and it was definitely difficult with Karaoke going on right behind us. But with all that noise, we still really nailed the hares and many others. There was one returning hasher, Big Head Little Balls. He had been somewhat under the weather. Was it West Nile Virus, Bird Flu, Spotted Fever, Dengue, Gangrene, or just something he caught while walking around Wrigley? And was it worse then a pit bull attack?
.....Others on trail included Crotch Fire, My Hard Will Go On Forever, Roofie Ragu, Ginger Snatch, Son Of Spam, Hoosier Daddy, Mommy Strangelove, and Frequent Flyer.
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 17 Aug. 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Horn-E and 11 Trail Hounds signed up to hound from St. Paul Woods. Wow. All right, it was a perfect day for running. We do these woods often enough and Lifa and Or G know the woods very well by now, so it is hard to plan a different trail. Then Chicken Stifer arrives and finds a way to short cut a huge block of trail and take a bunch of hounds with him. And I warned everyone in advance to not follow him off trail or they would miss the circle in the woods. Well, despite shortcutting trail, there was enough Hare trickery at the half way point to regroup the pack.
.....So, what happened? We started off to the south and immediately they seemed to be bogged down. Then after a little loop through short, tall grasses they finally headed west following Taste The Rainbow on his virgin Bushman trail. Right behind him was Snotcho Mama, another Bushman Virgin and they both were called FRBs. Well done. Came out to run the woods and actually ran the trail, mostly as designed. Anyhow, Taste The Rainbow ran right past his first Check. You have to both look for marks on trees and on the ground. But he was soon called back. Or G was thinking last time and headed north, but it was Gas Stop Bob who first headed in the right direction, north and quickly joined by Chicken Stifer who actually found trail. This led to running near the east end of the Forest Preserve until a Back Check. From here they headed straight west and into some tall grasses following Toilet Paper (TP). Then we headed towards an isolated narrow section of trees and the pack was all ready starting to try to out guess the hare instead of going through the trail as planned, with Chicken Stifer heading around the wooded section. But the true trail went straight through this section and across some more grassland, across the parking area and into some woods. We were soon at the river and headed north a bit to a big fallen tree over the river. And across the river went the trail. Apparently Cums First and Rump Springa managed to cross on the tree keeping their toes dry while the rest went through the cool river to the other side. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob headed south on the east side of the river, avoiding the river all together. Good guess. All right, the hare gave him a hint. Anyhow, back of the main trail we reversed direction again, heading south along the river and in a thin wooded section avoiding any marks on the paved bike path. A hundred yards later the trail went back to the river and into it. Taste The Rainbow headed in and across, but there were no marks. The hare had to remind him to look for TP and there it was, hanging on branches over the river. He charged straight south in the river for another hundred yards or so before the trail came out on the east side of the river. Well done. Lifa quickly crossed and eventually a few others. Some went on south, following Chicken Stifer, Including Rump Springa, Sir Poops A Lot and Cums First. Others finally entered the water as the trail headed east and was disappearing into the woods. SnatchSquatch headed down a sharp embankment and entered the water to quickly, losing his balance and falling. But one hand was straight up in the air, clutching his cell phone. Now, just who were you going to call in the woods? Anyhow, recovery was made and this great pack of eleven hounds was down to about six who were still following a simple, back and forth trail. At the next Check, the pack was nailed by a False, back over by the river. Gotcha. But they were soon on heading south in nice running woods and left me behind. It was hard to run with shoes full of gravel and burrs. Damn. I found myself back with Gas Stop Bob and Just Do Me Slowly. He headed over to the bridge on the nearby road while Just Do Me Slowly followed trail through a swamp area with some good, real shiggy. Of course she is so light, she almost floated across it while the Wankers sunk in about six or eight inches. We then came to the river and another Check. False to the north and over that road bridge. Some of the short cutters had done that in reverse and were at the Check. There was an obvious mark straight across the river that led to a quick False. The true trail went north along the river for a hundred yards, over a little creek and eventually across the river again. And on the other side was a Check, hopefully hidden so any short cutters would miss it, like the crew that followed Chicken Stifer. Apparently it worked. And this had an obvious trail straight west that went to a long False. Taste The Rainbow said it smelled False, but he had to do it. Gotcha. Now that we were all regrouped, trail was found going north along the river in thin woods, but not on the asphalt bike path. Hidden marks so that any of the short cutters would miss them. They did. Yeah!! But now we were on and the runners were leaving me behind as they did a loop over to a parking lot and back through some trees to the bike path where we hugged the edge for a very short distance before heading into woods and about waist high Scritchy Scratchy. Get used to it. This went through trees and a tiny path and into a hidden grassy area before getting to the real Scritchy Scratchy, a huge field with dozens and dozens of native prairie plants and tall grasses, some about eight feet tall. A hundred yards from the bike path and we couldn't see them or them us. There was one Check in the middle of all this. They actually missed the Check itself. But they were slowed by the turn in trail and marks seen in other directions. They finally were on and through and around a section of thick eight foot grasses. As they emerged and headed for the next section, I saw Taste The Rainbow leading. Some might have been ahead, but we couldn't see more then fifty yards. Trail ended up at this little stream bed that twists all around and naturally we ran right through this. It ended up three downs and ups before that last one over debris from flooded fast rushing waters. This was all loose and I heard that Taste The Rainbow stepped on some and it flipped almost hitting him in the face. Now we go through a little wooded section and through the last bit of Scritchy Scratchy. This led to flour on trees, that could be only seen from the Scritchy Scratchy. Then across the paved bike path was another bit of flour, well into the woods on the other side. Any short cutters that missed the Scritchy Scratchy would have missed the short trail from here, over a tiny, muddy creek and along the river to the beer cache. Here we gathered about 65 minutes after start, but only about 3.1 miles, or so I was told. Everyone made it. We held circle along the river until the beer was gone. Damn, if we keep getting packs this large, I'll have to get co-hares, just to help carry the beer. Well, maybe not.
.....After we finished the beer, we headed across the river and through woods to the cars. Lifa planned a grill and had another cooler full of beer. Some brought food. Damn, are we getting like Second City Hash. Well, not quite. We have nothing but white men and Asian women. More like a tour through south east Asian hashing. We did reconvene the circle and got into some long songs again. Great. Eventually the pack started to thin and we headed towards cars and rides out.
.....Upon finally getting home, I got into that nice warm shower, washing off my shoes and trying to grit my teeth as my legs burned from all of that Scritchy Scratchy, twice. Well, not that bad.
.....Can't wait for that next one, Our 100th Trail, We will BBQ in the woods, so be prepared for bringing food, and let us know in advance if you are cummng so we make sure to have enough beer for the circle in the woods. We might even have a Camo cake to celebrate. It is our thing.
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On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash Aug 15, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of O'Malleys West and was supposed to have three hares. But One Fuck Chuck was a no show and didn't even tell his co-hares. Oh Oh. And he drank a lot of Down Downs for that. But Glory Hole and BarBack MountHim carried on without him. We had 29 hounds at the start and Hoosier Daddy came in late and followed trail. Or so he claims. We also had three House Puppies that went back into the bar, Chicken Stifer, W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie.
.....Trail took off to the south and a quick Split had the pack heading north in an alley and then east on Belden. After a quick loop we had a Check at Cleveland. This was called to the south just as I got there. Heading south to Lincoln I finally caught the pack again as they were waiting for traffic. Since when does the hash wait for traffic. But the pack was soon heading east on Dickens and as I approached Larrabee, our sweep, Glory Hole gave me a short cut, straight south. As as I headed south, False Advertising and then Berts Special Friend came out of a gangway, but there were no marks. Hmmm! So I headed across the street and into another alley, but no marks. Heading over to Armitage, the pack was suddenly heading my way, but there were still no marks. Apparently a mark was finally spotted on Mohawk, heading south, but from where did it come. But then again, it is a Glory Hole trail. At Wisconsin the trail headed east a block and then returned through a little playground. Horn-E spotted the mark coming out and called to Snotcho Mama to check across the street. We both missed the arrow to the north and the pack was soon on that and around west to the first alley heading south. And through another gangway and back on Mohawk. Damn hares. This brought us to a quick loop to the east, south to Eugenie and back west. The pack was now out of sight. At Larabee I found a mark north and then a Split. Picking right, I headed left and into an alley. This led to a Triple Split that slowed me down. West was False. North led to some orange flour. WTF. Running on and there were no more marks. Returning I tried the third split arrow and finally got back on trail that eventually led me south on Orchard to a little park just before North Ave and a Shot Stop. Rofie Ragu was there with the hare, BarBack MountHim. I don't do shots so I was right on to the east on North Ave for a long stretch that led to a Back Check. I came back two blocks before running into the sweep who informed me I missed the turn arrow on the wall. Yeah, about 8 feet up a brick wall covered in ivy. Kind of like a visiting ball player trying to find a fly ball in the ivy in Wrigley Field. But I was now On and a few blocks later I came to the second Shot Stop at a sunken park off of Willow. I was passed by Roofie Ragu and Berts Special Friend just as we got there. I don't do shots, so I was off and right on trail. At Lincoln there was a Split. The obvious was straight, but I couldn't find anything. Going the other way,and again nothing. I finally ranged to Armitage and Clark and there was a Check, just as Snotcho Mama arrived ahead of the pack. I headed into the park with Berts Special Friend right behind me. We split and I headed further into the park, seeing nothing, including never seeing another hasher on trail. Damn. After wandering for some time in beautiful running territory in the park, and seeing nothing, I headed through a tunnel and back towards the Check. Here I found an arrow that only led to a False. So I ran on towards Clark, looking everywhere for a mark crossing my path. And it did, somewhere. Finally at Clark, I called it. Getting really dehydrated, I needed to head for the bar and get a beer. Meanwhile the pack was a block north of where I had been, enjoying a beer in the park. Damn.
.....Finally the pack returned to the bar and the beer started to flow. We headed upstairs and Little Trojan Annie called the circle together. It went on for quite a long time as the hares were constantly called out, including One Fuck Chuck. After circle we hung out upstairs and I finally left around 11:30 with the party still going on.
.....Other Trail Hounds included TampOn TampOff, Its Too Soft, Slippery Fingers, Lifa, Meet Insider, Frequent Flyer, Four Score In The Back Door, Furry Spice, Ass Capades, Poultry Fucker, Urine Love, Just Erin, Just John, Helen Keller Facial, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Jizzy, Panic Vaginatum, My Hard Will Go On Forever, and Canine Fixation. Some more Couch potatoes include Specklebird, Ice Princess and Fire In The Hole who led a trio of beer wenches.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Fri, Aug 8, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was Lower Wackoff's annual summer hash to the woods in the dark from Yacko's. We had 5 hounds baying at the moon and waiting to get started. The trail headed straight west, away from the woods. (?) But this was just a Triple Split to split the pack and bring us to a big loop and into the woods. and we immediately had a fence climb to get in. Horn-E opted to avoid this with his damaged wrist and went around. By the time he got there, there being a river crossing on a huge fallen tree, Lifa, Fire Crotch and Rump Springa already sprinted across and were out of sight. Or G was stranded in the middle of the tree, about 57 feet above the raging rapids below, or so it seemed. He suddenly froze. WTF. He seemed to lose balance, or that was his story. Even Horn-E was waiting to cross. And the hare. Finally he managed to regain balance and made it across as did Horn-E and Lower Wackoff. We entered a short section of woods and into a huge section of picnic areas and large grassy fields. The front three ran to a shelter and found a Check. From here they were spread wide in a forward direction, looking everywhere for trail. So Horn-E headed south and found one, two and damn, he couldn't find that elusive third mark. Meanwhile Or G, with both feet firmly on the ground, wisely decided that this was a Lower Wackoff trail and marks were not always one after another. Ranging after that second mark, he finally found a mark heading into the woods. He was followed by Fire Crotch and Rump Springa. They noticed poison ivy and backed out and ran parallel. Horn-E and Lifa followed into the woods. Horn-E opted for a possible short cut into the, now dry, wetlands and running through some amazing prairie grasses full of flowers and about eight feet high. Really cool stuff. And if he went on with his course, he would have come out at the Short Beer Stop. But he finally came out, into the woods and back on trail. Finally he found the Short Beer Stop. But where was the rest of the pack. Coming off of the Short Beer Stop was a short trail to a check. Or G and Lifa were scattered in a forward direction and Rump Springa and Fire Crotch were off in the reverse direction on the Turkey Trail. Or something like that. Horn-E and Lower Wackoff blew whistles and shouted out and finally got everyone back to the Short Beer Stop, even if not all at once. After this, we somehow got out looking for trail and it was Lifa who got on the right trail over a bridge and to the east into woods along a nice path. And Horn-E was soon following. We came out in a parking lot and another Check. We had to go into the woods, right. Lifa headed north along a path that would eventually go along the rivers edge. Beautiful out there. False. Horn-E ended up climbing over a 57 foot pile of wood chips and into the woods. And just then, Rump Springa found marks heading out of the woods. WTF. Lifa followed. Fire Crotch was seen waving to Horn-E and Or G, but Or G found a Split arrow going into the woods. He wasn't ON. Then Horn-E found a mark into the woods and a BN soon after. He came out into a big field and ahead he could see three hounds at a picnic shelter ahead. But they weren't On. Meanwhile, Or G, DFL out of the woods, found the real trail and ran into some more woods and found the beer. The first shall be last and the last shall be first', to the beer. It was guarded by Bingo, and we all heard the tale of Bingo. Felt like hearing the Tale of the good ship Minnow, with Lower Wackoff being the Captain. And no, Horn-E was not Gilligan.  We soon gathered around the beer and after some cold amber fluids, we decided to hold circle right there with so much ice cold beer. And we did until the beer was gone and with good direction from the Captain, we escaped our beautiful island in the woods and walked back to the bar.. "And that's the way it was...3.15 miles for Lifa.  And fun it was indeed!" or so Lifa said.
.....We walked back to the bar and Magnetic Muff was waiting for us there. And you think the fun ends here. Not. The pints were $2 and $7 pitchers. But the voluptuous bar tender just decided to give us $5 pitchers, without even asking. Then she told us those pizzas on that other table were ours to enjoy, a large with almost everything and a small with just cheese. Then Horn-E brought out the pretzels and Lower Wackoff brought out a huge bag of salted peanuts in the shell. We got the circle going again and were entertained with 20 to 30 good limericks, mostly from Lifa and Lower Wackoff. We finally ended when several hounds had to hit the rode. Magnetic Muff drove Or G home and Horn-E to a bus and we were all good.
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On On
Horn-E
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 3 Aug 2013 by Horn-E. That doggone dog bite story. Damn Dog, be gone.
.....This was set out of the usual Happy House by Happy Ass Grabber and was one of the better trails of the year. I didn't say that. We had 18 hounds at the start of this trail. We set out of his back yard and to the north as we worked a few alleys and streets to go north on Lake Street for a few blocks. From here we worked our way to the Green Line for a trip on unknown duration. Look for marks on the El platform. Horn-E, Lifa and Chicken Stifer headed to the first car to scout for marks on platforms as the train pulled into the station. Finally Horn-E spotted some marks below on Lake street before we came into the Cicero station. We headed out of the train to marks heading west and down to street level. Horn-E led and turned towards Cicero where we had a Check. Meanwhile Chicken Stifer just headed to the marks seen on Lake street from the train, forget trail, jump ahead. And most of the pack followed. As we headed east, there was a turn mark down what looked like a dead end. Actually a great Back Check through a hole in a fence. But Chicken Stifer just ran on east and found the marks from the back check and headed east. At the next street, there was a turn north again. This was true trail, but Chicken Stifer just ranged on east and wasn't seen again until just before the finish. Hooch B4 Cooch followed and wasn't seen until we finally crossed the Eisenhower Expy, much later. Meanwhile, the hash headed across some tracks just before a freight train, with the engineer blowing his horn at Horn-E. We then entered into some good thick woods, following flour. Saw Rusty Grundle on overhead tracks looking for marks, but they were clearly below. Came to a building and trail went around it in deep bush. Here I saw Son Of Spam coming out with the cache of beer. We were in some long ago abandoned building with huge piping inside. Cool spot. Great find Happy Ass Grabber. After a quick taste of beer, Lifa led us north with Horn-E right behind. At a Check, Horn-E headed over a little hill to some more tracks. Heading north, that blind old fart missed three marks. But Chunder Pussy was following and spotted the marks and they turned east over another little hill and into deep bush. Horn-E followed with the pack coming right behind. But trail was elusive and Horn-E managed to pick up on the trail and led to some more tracks and finally out to Kilbourn and a Triple Split.
.....Horn-E went north and the trail went south as Rusty Grundle led. He then got caught by a Back Check at the first street, regrouping the pack somewhat and there were now runners and walkers. We headed south, over Lake St. and a bit of Zig Zag in local streets. I found myself following Chunder Pussy as we returned to Kilbourn and saw three walkers, Salty Gash, Fistful Of Pricks and Taste The Rainbow. Taste The Rainbow (?) walknig along with an ice cream come he got at an ice cream truck. Yeah, they still have those and it was still  playing "Turkey in the Straw". Meanwhile we went on to the west a bit and found trail through an empty field and along some elevated train tracks and another mini beer stop. We were now nine. Two missing and seven walkers on short cuts. We drank the beer and Chunder Pussy and Horn-E then led us under the tracks and to the east. Here we found a Split. Horn-E went south and Chunder Pussy found trail to the east. Horn-E paralleled and rejoined the pack at Kostner and a Check. Trail went south just after Son Of Spam lost his usual cool and cussed the training pack of the local gang bangers causing some shit. Across the Expressway we came to a long loop to the east that Berts Special Friend managed to get caught on. We kept going south until we found the walkers and a Check at 5th Ave. Trail ended up being found to the south and under some mostly abandoned tracks. Back to the east for two long blocks and then into some deep shiggy, across those tracks at ground level and into more deep bush filled with garbage and whatever. Salty Gash was staying out of the shiggy calling to the late arrivals. That would be Horn-E. This section came out at 5th Ave where Its Too Soft looked to be On to the west. He wasn't. Trail went north and back into deep bush. This section was chest high prairie grasses. Half the pack or more was ahead as I entered this section. Taste The Rainbow was seen running to the right of the pack with wild abandon. Horn-E did the same to the left of the pack passing R-Tard-E. In the distance we could see TP on the tall grasses. We finally came out at Kilpatrick, just south of Polk and a Triple Split. 
.....Taste The Rainbow headed straight west in an alley. Berts Special Friend headed north to Polk and found a turn arrow west. Horn-E waved Taste The Rainbow on to the west. Then he went to the side walk and walked along this fence around a home with three dogs running around and barking like crazy. The fence was a strong head high iron fence reinforced with a mesh of tough plastic to keep the dogs from reaching through the iron bars. Now here is the big ooops. Apparently the owner of the property bough two large sheets of this plastic to attach to the fence. Unfortunately, it didn't cover the hole fence. As Horn-E passed the gap in the plastic, a Pit Bull leaped as far as possible through the fence and grabbed him on his arm. Shit. Horn-E yanked as hard as possible, ripping his arm from the jaws of death. There was a three inch gash on the top of his wrist where the dogs tooth dragged through flesh as Horn-E pulled back. Grabbing his wrist, he found blood pouring out from a deep puncture wound on the inside of his wrist. Damn. Rump Springa, who wasn't wearing his shirt, volunteered his T-Shirt to wrap the wounds. Several of us walked around to the front of the building where several kids were hanging out. Like 4 or 5 year olds. We asked them to get their parents, 'someone had been bitten by their dog.' Then another girl came out, about 9, and she had a cell phone, apparently calling daddy. Meanwhile Horn-E started to get a little light headed and we went across the street to some shade on a lawn where Horn-E could lay down. Salty 'Florence Nightingale' Gash held his arm up to minimize bleeding. Happy Ass Grabber eventually asked one of the locals, actually probably the owner of the dogs, for a ride to Happy Ass Grabber's House where we could connect with a hasher with a car for the ride to the VA. And he did.
.....Hey, I was hurting, but the ambulance bill is about $1000 and they would take me to the nearest hospital. More bills. I wasn't impossibly bad off and it made good sense. At the Happy House, Son Of Spam was there and volunteered to drive me to the VA. I got my back pack and we were off. At the VA, I finally got a VA cop to get me straight into ER without the usual VA procedures. Eventually X-Rayed to check for bone damage. Negative. Cleaned up and wrapped with gauze. They don't stitch up dog bite wounds because of the chances of infection. Chicago Police came by and took the report. Lifa showed up at the VA, after the Hash party ended, to offer a ride or whatever. I was okay and was able to take the bus home. Not pleasant, but I managed. I'm on antibiotics for a week. Special thanks to Son Of Spam, Rump Springa, Lifa, Happy Ass Grabber and especially my hash nurse, Salty Gash.
.....As for the rest of the trail, hell, I don't know. They got back, drank beer, held a circle, ate food, and went home. Others not yet mentioned included Bi Holer, EZ On The Ass ( did he actually run anything or did he just hang out with us before the trail. I know he works on Saturdays), Back Door County and Meat Insider.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash, 29 July 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set from Montrose Saloon by Magnetic Muff and Just Do Me Slowly, the first annual Cougar Hash. We had a dozen hounds ready to take off on this trail, thanks to two visitors and ten healthy local hounds. O'Shitty Runch was there, but not healthy yet, not running yet, not riding his bike yet. He looked like he slashed his wrists, his ankles and knees were in bad shape and he could barely talk out of the left side of his mouth. Victim of a bike/auto crash on the way to POP. We all wish you a quick recovery.
.....But meanwhile, we still hash and the two Cougars sent us off to the north across Montrose. And no marks for a block. Fortunately Horn-E came by Brown Line and saw two marks on the way to the bar. The first was a three way mark coming out of an alley. The pack scoured the area around Blagos House. Yeah, he still owns the house, even though he is currently living in subsidized Government housing out west. Meanwhile Horn-E headed east to the alley and called On to the pack. He quickly found a mark going north and led the pack until Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and the visitor, Panicum Vaginatum (I hope I got that right) passed him in the street. By the way, she had a great hash shirt. In back it said, "Ouch, that's my butt". We hit a Check a block later and she led us north and through a little play park. But Horn-E knew better having seen that other arrow as he got off the El, pointing across the tracks and heading north. So he headed that way and was soon passed by Poultry Fucker. We ended up following her to Lawrence and a Check. This led to a little park across the river and a well laid arrow pointing to a real nice wood chip path along the river. Nice shiggy and comfortable running. I followed Lower Wackoff through this. Meanwhile, half the pack missed this and short cut through the park to Argyle and by the time I got there, the pack was disappearing to the north with Magnetic Muff following and sweeping. We ran around this park, over a little foot bridge and west along the river. This led to a T and E Split. T went north to Foster while the E went straight through some shiggy and to a fence climbing at Kedzie. By now everyone was out of sight and I was dead last. Or so I thought. Lower Wackoff interpreted the T and E Split to meant the trail went down to rivers edge and west. Sorry no marks there. Trail did a little loop north of Foster, back under Foster and through a park to the far southeast corner. From here it was just east and south as we ran city streets and alleys, working our way to Rockwell and a point where we could cross the El tracks. During this interval, the following Lower Wackoff finally caught up to me, passed me and led me to the Beer Stop, behind Magnetic Muff's old apartment. Now the way I heard the story, SnatchSquatch followed past BN, no more decision points, somehow missed the beer stop and followed the rest of the trail back to the bar. Meanwhile, we drank our beer and headed back, hitting Montrose and just walking west to the bar. Well, at least SnatchSquatch ran the little loops on the On In trail. Back at the bar we had $7 pitchers for everything and drank some good beers. Taste The Rainbow called circle together. We met our visitors, Not A Real Cop, (NARK) and Panicum Vaginatum. He sang us a short song and she shared one of her female body parts. Chicken Stifer was FRB for missing half the trail and Poultry Fucker was FBI for running the whole trail, faster. Rump Springa got the grill going and we all had some good wienies to stick in some buns. The pack then drank for a bit with the usual House Puppies, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Its Too Soft and Mudsucker, and the injured O'Shitty Runch. The rest of the Trail Hounds included Four Score In The Back Door and EpiPenis. By about 10:30 we herded the remaining pack out the door and got some rides out of there. I needed that.  
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 25 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....As I walked down the street towards Four Treys, I saw Clark Kunt taking off on the live trail. And since he was going off alone, why wasn't his co-hare, The Dark Kunt, sweeping. All right, I heard that complaint on trail. And Lifa did try with a tiny piece of chalk.  We soon gathered outside and I counted 40 hounds gathered, most running, but I heard there was a walkers trail while I was lost on trail. Not. Keep dogging it. And I did. Anyhow, we took off to the northwest and after running an alley a block north, hounds were returning saying something about a Back Check. Well, even though I can't run for shit these days, I started looking to the west. Naturally the trail went east and I could barely see the last of the pack disappearing to the south. Ooops. I ran after them and eventually saw what I think was EZ On The Ass paralleling the pack and heading south. I followed him and there were no marks, but eventually he headed east. I followed and eventually came out at Lincoln with no marks. But I saw about two hounds heading south, around a corner again. And again, I wasn't finding marks until I hit a Split, back at Lincoln. I headed east and ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, also lost. We headed east and I saw a mark behind a post heading north and then east. About here, Taste The Rainbow climbed over a fence and joined us. Through a few more Splits and they both left me behind as they went through an empty parking lot just north of Belmont. Across the street was a trip arrow. Taste the Rainbow went east and disappeared. Hooch B4 Cooch went south through an alley and didn't return. I went west to the big intersection, expecting a massive Check and found nothing. So I headed south on Lincoln to try to intercept the other two. At the next corner was nothing. Damn. Then suddenly the whole pack came running out of an alley. I think I missed the shot stop. But then, I don't miss shot stops. But I'm back with the pack. We headed east to a Check. And suddenly the trail was found on the other side of the street, heading west and I'm damn near in front. We eventually head south in an alley and cross Wellington and into a gangway. Very narrow so I went around and saw hounds heading west towards the church. I think that it was in that narrow gangway were the arrest took place. Ice Princess ducks under an air conditioner and there is a man standing there with an AK 47 pointed at him. Well maybe an A K 46.5, or was it just his finger. He yells, "Your under arrest." Well Ice Princess has been under a lot of things, but never arrest. He puts up his hands as another 17 hashers come pouring out of that narrow gangway. With only a lacquered nail pointing at Ice Princess, he suddenly turn and ran the other way and all of the arrestees, headed west. Meanwhile I'm on the north side of the church and suddenly Taste The Rainbow comes around the church and heads west. Weren't we just last and lost recently. Well we're in front now. Well, he was. The pack is soon passing me and we head south for two blocks in an alley before crossing Ashland. The pack slowly passes me as we head west, under some tracks and towards Damen. And suddenly Hooch B4 Cooch comes up behind me. Weren't we last a long time ago. Well we are again. But he leaves me behind and I end up DFL in a back yard behind Clark Kunt's apartment. Big yard. After retrieving bags, we gathered and proceed to drink, well over 40 of us, with the usual array of House Puppies showing up. One Fuck Chuck led the circle. And he is getting better. Well, maybe not. But we got through it with only one Chinese Fire Drill. Virgins were introduced, Leslie, Barney, Mike, and Marty. I think. Welcome. Now come back. After circle the pack held on as the beer bucket was constantly replenished from the liquor store around the corner. All right, I got some of the names that were there on trail besides those already mentioned. , and a few of the house puppies. Jizz Limit or whatever his name is. Check his necklace and pick one. Back Door County, Sandy Syphilis, W Jew 40, Chicken Stifer, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Poultry Fucker, Hoosier Daddy, Foamy Discharge, Hidden Panda, TampOn TampOff, Drill In My Box, Frequent Flyer, Epipenis, Roofie Ragu, Rump Springa, Mount Schwiiinga, That Thing That Vibrates, Soul Taco, Glitter Spitter, Just Brian, Little Trojan Annie, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob (in a tiger outfit) Cuntputt and Pull My Pork. Their were others too.  
 
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
Mon 22 July 2013 A Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
.....Ass Capades laid trail from his place and had a pack of about 23 hounds in his alley as we started out. We ran north and I was running behind watching the last of the bimbos pass me by and run on. We crossed Lawrence and went into an empty lot. Everyone seemed to headed towards Broadway and so I ran along Lawrence and followed Chunder Pussy to Broadway. As I crossed the street, I saw Lifa coming from the north. It was a Check and he was soon On heading south on a side street. I yelled for the pack and followed. We ran to Wilson and then east to the tracks. Here trail went south into an alley. And dummy Horn-E, thinks he has local knowledge and the trail has to come out on Broadway between Aldi and Target. Hey, I've been to both and I thought it was a dead end. It wasn't. And a bunch of hounds followed me. Nothing. They went behind Aldi and found the trail heading into the campus area. Meanwhile Horn-E still thinks he knows best and the trail would have had to go behind Target, so he runs on to Montrose. Dumber and dumber. No one's there. So it is a long run back through that alley until Horn-E finally found the trail heading west. And everyone is long gone. Trail runs west for several blocks and then goes through a loop to Montrose, and back over trail. Well laid. A perfect spot to catch up, but Horn-E is so far behind that everyone was already long gone. After a slight detour for the pack, Horn-E finally catches the pack. Hey, follow trail. We now head west and south for a block, only to head right back north. Here Horn-E followed Back Door County and Lifa in a slight short cut. A block north and the trail crossed Clark and enters an alley going south. Only a block and over to Ashland. But again, Horn-E misses a short cut and follows finally passing Tell It To My Nipples, The Dark Kunt and Just Lauren. Running on, the trail finally goes to Lawrence and several blocks east of Clark before heading into an alley and The Beer Stop.
.....We finally headed back to Ass Capades and up to his roof for the On On. Circle was soon started and run by Chunder Pussy. Well done too. There were many more then ran the trail and the roof was very crowded. Ass Capades started the grill and unfortunately, the smoke all blew right through the circle. But a good time was being had and after circle there were more then enough hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone.
.....And suddenly I saw our old friend and a former Chicago Area Hasher who single handedly put together some really great hashes with great trail and more great food then the pack could eat in three hashes. Brisket, Deep Fat Fried Turkeys (in the woods and bars of Chicago) salads, bread, corn on the cob, whatever. He was fantastic and will always be missed. Peterbilt. And for the record, with no access to the Internet, he called the hotline to find the hash. He just wished there were also directions on the phone line. He had some difficulty finding the place.
.....We had some visitors including Bridge Over The River Twat, and Crouching Dragon Hidden Jacob. We also had a virgin, Just Matt. There were others, but in the crowd I didn't get to meet them all. Other hounds on trail included Hooch B4 Cooch, R-Tard-E, Urine Love, O'Shitty Runch, Ice Princess, Drill In My Box, Foamy Discharge, Jizz Limit, Chicken Stiffer, Poultry Fucker, Barf Fly, EpiPenis, and Four Score In The Back Door. I'm sure there were others. And all to many House Puppies to mention here. Actually I didn't get their names.  
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The Tale of the Trail
Tue 23 July 2013 A Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
.....This trail was set out of Double Bubble with Horn-E haring again. Beware. With laying so many trails, I sometimes think of trying something new. The idea was to see if I could lay a trail that could be run in either direction, because I wasn't sure if I could hold a beer stop at the lakefront with all the weather reports citing 8 to 12 foot waves. Actually wasn't that bad, but a nice fast wind from the north east. Anyhow, I laid trail with nothing but long straight lines instead of arrows. And no Splits, but lots of loops to regroup the pack.
.....So the trail actually headed west through some alleys and streets and through my back yard, the alternate beer stop if I had to reverse trail and plans. From here it went a little west and then to the south winding through streets and alleys. Our second Check was at Clark and Ashland and apparently Lower Wackoff lost the pack here. Trail went east through some side streets and finally another Check at Ridge. While there were several trails to the south, the true trail took one of them, and looped back past the Check into an area just north of Ridge, with streets and alleys going in multiple directions. Short cut once and you might end up on a trail going the wrong way. And that was the game of the day. Somewhere along the way, probably before here, Hooch B4 Cooch got way in front and was leaving the pack behind. That left 5 other hounds running in circles and loops like a plate of spaghetti. Meanwhile Horn-E got beer and chips and was waiting at the lakefront when Hooch B4 Cooch finally arrives at about 40 minutes on trail. It was five minutes later when Just John came along leading Just Erin, Berts Special Friend, Ice Princess and Caught Red Headed. We drank for about 15 minutes before people started to get cold in that stiff breeze off of the lake. And even that beautiful Full Moon rising over the lake couldn't warm them. So we started back, going straight along the On In trail in case Lower Wackoff showed. And he did, just after we passed the El tracks. So, it was a complete pack heading back to the bar. We got a circle going, Full Moon style and had a good time with our group of eight. We're growing again. Come on out to a moon hash and join us.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thristday Hash 18 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was set by One Chuck Fuck and Bi Holer from SoFo. Bi Holer told me she had a nice plan. Then One Fuck Chuck told her how to implement it and everything went to hell. It was to be an A to B. We started out with the usual chalk talk and headed across the street into an alley. We were soon heading north and over to Ashland. What happened here I still don't know, but by the time I got there, people were returning from the west and acting like they were at a Check. They weren't. Apparently the trail headed north in an alley and the trail seemed to head back and forth in the alley between Clark and Ashland as we headed north. I found myself following Hoosier Daddy and for some reason, other hashers managed to pass me, like Lifa. Now how did I get in front of them, I don't know. Finally I followed Hoosier Daddy through the Jewel Parking lot, north to Bryn Mawr and then east. Half way down the block a bunch of normal FRBs passed us. Where did they come from? Taste the Rainbow, Urine Love, Drill In My Box, etc. We soon headed across the street, south a bit and into an alley. From here the trail seemed to go just south, back and forth between the street and alley. I emerged from an alley and saw some hashers, including Little Trojan Annie, to the west, heading south and obviously getting a short cut. I followed and we had another right turn at the next corner. Now here things were definitely screwed up. At the alley, there was a left turn arrow crossing the street. But there was about ten hounds at the next corner milling around like they were at a Check. I crossed the street and saw an arrow coming from were the pack was, also heading into the alley. Now this makes no sense. I yelled out RU and they were checking. But over a long block away, I saw hounds in the alley heading south. I yelled to the pack and headed south with them following. I only found one more arrow, but at the next street, there was another turn arrow coming from the west and into that alley. If this doesn't make sense, it doesn't to me as I write it. We then ran on to the south, somehow missing the beer stop and going all of the way to Lawrence on Magnolia and then west to Clark. At Clark was a Check, but we could see the pack continuing north and back to the start. On an A to B? But the finish B was actually across the street in a pizza place, Pieholer or something like that. Apparently it was BYO and the hash brought in much beer from the liquor store across the street. Hash pizza's were ordered and the Dark Kunt called the circle together. As part of the circle, our GM came out with a few announcements, and then declared that our hare One Fuck Chuck would not be allowed to hare again unless he was with a very experienced hare. I guess it was declared a Very Shitty Trail. There were the virgins and visitors and transplants, including Canine Fixation, Vaginarian, Rump Stumper, Just Steph. Or whatever. After circle they took up another collection for more beer and pizza and I took advantage of a coming bus and headed home. I'm running again, and wasn't DFL. Whoopie. Others in attendance on trail were EpiPenis, Tell It To My Nipples, Snotcho Mama, W Jew 40, Happy Ass Grabber, Hidden Panda, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Berts Special Friend, TampOn TampOff, Ice Princess, Just Lauren, O'Shitty Runch, Chippendale, Meat Insider and if I missed you, what do you want from an old drunk. Some house puppies included Are They Real, Bloody Brown Castle and Slippery Fingers.
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The Bushman Hash 20 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was set from Cumberland and Irving Park by that rat bastard hare, Horn-E. The woods are very overgrown with all the rains this year, and often impassable. We had five hounds and taking the hares advice, Just Do Me Slowly took the lead as the only one short enough to get under the trees and bushes while upright. But right after that she twisted her ankle. Overly ambitious taking the lead for once. But Son Of Spam brushed right by her as she lay in the prairie grasses moaning in pain. He led as we ran along a stream bed full of nasty smelly shiggy, After a long run in a narrow path we finally headed south into thick underbrush to another path and a Split. Son Of Span was already lost and directionally challenged and went the wrong way, allowing Meat Insider to take the lead to the west and along a narrow path until the marks went right. Right over that stream. Fortunately there was some small branches to keep your feet dry. Unfortunately Meat Insider can't balance herself and fell in the putrid mess. But the pack showed no mercy as even Berts Special Friend left her laying there as he finally got the lead. A short loop and trail went up the big hill for the mandatory Check. And wrong way Berts Special Friend went the wrong way. Lifa now managed to take the lead as trail headed north to a parking lot and then in thick brush. No poison ivy in sight, but that 22 foot long Boa Constrictor got in the way as it fell on Lifa. But, just about then a coyote came along and saw the Boa Constrictor as meat. Well, it is. When last seen the Boa Constrictor and the coyote were in a death match and we dragged Lifa to safety. So the pack was now regrouped and we headed west until the woods just got impassable and trail headed over to Irving Park and after a Split, Berts Special Friend found the marks and led across a parking lot, past a three ring bouncy circus and finally to another parking lot and a Check. And Berts Special Friend ran right past it, seeing a mark on a tree and finally to a Triple Split on a paved path. The options were three directions, not three hours looking for False Trail. Finally Berts Special Friend, Meat Insider and Son Of Spam gave up and returned just in time as Just Do Me Slowly  found the trail to the west and north and back across Irving Park at a Bicycle Trail. And, damn that hare, another Check. Now last time we were in this picnic area, trail came from the other direction and led to a False, right where the Check was. And Lifa caught that one. So this time he is prepared and headed off where that other trail went. Lifa, Horn-E's a rat bastard. You know the 360 degree rule. Well, at about as the 350 mark was a small path that went right back across Irving Park. But this time under the road along the river. And they all followed Meat Insider as she found a small path and saw a pretty butterfly. And she followed it right to a thousand flys, feasting on the carcass of a not so fresh pile of deer road kill. The smell was overbearing and she tried to hold her breath, almost passing out as Berts Special Friend grabbed her and carried her past the fumes. She quickly recovered and even quicker was Berts Special Friend as he dropped her and took off on trail. "Gotta win the hash." And now was a long bike path with a few turns due to all of the trees knocked down by Friday Nights storms. And he ran on as fast as he could with his pants around his knees. Finally a check and he could see two separate paths, right into the woods. By the time he returned from those Falses, even the gimpy, limping Just Do Me Slowly had passed him on the bike path, ON TRUE TRAIL. Hey, Berts Special Friend. That is what Checks are for. To nail you front running bastards. But at the next Check we headed east on a narrow path and right under the rib cage of a brontosaurus that was unearthed by the last rains and floods. And right after this was the sticker bushes. There used to be a mishmash of narrow paths in the area. But the hare couldn't find them and ripped a lot of flesh off of his legs trying to get out of there. Only Just Do Me Slowly fared okay with long pants to spare her legs. Finally the trail came out into a picnic grove. At the other end was a path, wide enough to really get in a good run and Berts Special Friend was streaking to the front and leaving the pack behind. This trail goes on and on and there is no escape. Surrounded on both sides by a solid wall of those damn sticker bushes. It finally ended up at a check by a little steam heading into the river. And Son Of Spam headed right across the stream to follow the obvious marks on trees on the other side. False. The hare lies and there was a False on trail. Meanwhile the trail went over a bridge and along the stream and then to a path going around a huge picnic area. Nice running area as it eventually headed into a area with a different type of tree. Not as tall and clearings here and there. We finally came out to a path along the stream bed and a turn right across the stream. Everyone managed to cross this one dry, except Meat Insider again. Can't she walk on small logs. From here it was somewhat open running with Berts Special Friend and Lifa leaving the rest behind. Finally a narrow path with prairie grasses over running it and making marks almost impossible. This looped back to the west and along another stream bed. The leaders finally came to the easy path across the stream and the trail now was on a wide path going east and right past the following pack on the other side. So, they tried to outsmart the hare and just cross the stream. You guessed it, Meat Insider again fell in. And this time Just Do Me Slowly also fell in and was sinking fast in the shiggy and quick sand. But Son Of Spam came to the rescue and pulled them both out. From here is was a nice easy run on to the finish on a narrow but clear path to where they found the hare, relaxing in the shade of a tree with 24 ice cold beers. Make that 22. Lifa was so glad to get in, he raced to this shade tree and hugged it. I thought he was going to give the tree some wood, but his thirst brought him back to his senses. Eventually the whole pack made it is and we moved the circle into a cluster of trees where Horn-E started circle. Great fun and a good song by Lifa, and Son Of Spam was presented with his Bushman Bandanna. After circle we found a table and those with cars went for them. Son Of Spam brought out some peroggies. Lifa brought out a grill and we had some fantastic steaks and fresh lobsters and some fresh sail fish that Horn-E caught from the pond while they were running trail, and the usual pretzels, and of course more beer and we partied on for another two hours. They finally decided it was time to leave when Horn-E headed into the woods, supposedly to pee, but holding that fawn by the two rear legs was questionable. Hey, he's old. You get what you can get and after, you can eat the evidence. Fresh venison.
.....Well, that might have happened. Actually it was a 90 minute run through some beautiful woods and green nature with actual deer sightings. Food and beer were great and we did hang out late.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash Number 300, May 25, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We did this one in coordination with a Chicago Hash in the afternoon. First they had their hash around 2:30 with multiple beer stops ending in the backyard of Chunder Pussy and Back Door County. A circle was held and then grub was served. We held back on the Chicago Full Moon Hash until 8:00 so that the hounds could get a little grub. Burgers were promised for after our hash.
.....Being medically handicaped and not really able to lay trail, Horn-E asked for a volunteer hare and Son Of Spam stood up and laid a trail for us. Then he went and got us some beer for a beer stop. Thanks, Son Of Spam.
.....The pack took off at 8:00 after a short chalk talk by Son Of Spam with 12 hounds. Somewhere along the way Hooch B4 Cooch dropped out. All right, he is coming off an injury. The rest ran on while the co-hare, Horn-E, walked over to the beer stop under I 94. And that was the best we could get out of that old fart. Can't say what happened on trail , but I did here one story. SnatchSquatch and Taste The Rainbow were watching some hounds running off to the east. They weren't On and SnatchSquatch turned to Taste The Rainbow only to discover Taste The Rainbow just ran off leaving SnatchSquatch scratching his nuts.
.....Meanwhile Horn-E gets to the B and stands around. Getting tired, he sits on the twelve pack, pulls his hood over his head and leans against the barrier holding up the highway. Suddenly, along comes 59 Minutes Left Wanna Talk comes running under the Expressway, seeing Horn-E, he panics and climbs over the concrete wall to avoid disturbing some possible deranged homeless person. He proceeded around the Beer Stop before Weird Al Spankovich calls him back. Its only the hairy hare. And all was finally good. Beer cures all. And the rest of the pack comes in one at a time, Just Jinson, Late Cuming Prick, Snotcho Mama, Mr. Ed, Mrs Ed, and Berts Special Friend. Oh, and SnatchSquatch and Taste The Rainbow.
.....We held a quick Chicago Full Moon circle in Moon Hash style, introducing the visitors to our special circle. As we finished the beer, we headed back a block to the On On On where we could grab a hamburger and get back into the on going party. And this old fart headed on home.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash Apr 26, 2013 by The Son Of Spam
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On Friday night, Son of Spam laid a damn fine trail out of The Beaumont for the 299th Full Moon Hash. The weather was gorgeous and there was excitement in the air.
Bert's Special Friend arrived at the bar with Just Mary and Just Chris, his sister and brother-in-law from Philadelphia. Inside the bar was a nice, cold pitcher, a beautiful sight after a full day of drinking. Just Sean, Just Jinsun, Just Michelle, Just Rachel, and Self-Satisfier were already inside partaking from the lovely beverage.
Just Paul, Just Do Me Slowly, Snotcho Mama, Are They Real, and Crotch Fire ended up filtering into the bar prior to the start of Chalk Talk. Typically, trail commences at 7:30PM, but we all felt like someone was still missing - Horn-E. With a pitcher of beer still on the table, we figured there was no harm in waiting until 7:45PM for the Grand Moonie himself. Unfortunately, Horn-E was unable to show - he just had surgery on Tuesday and was still recovering. However, the hash continued.
With six virgins and one transplant, we needed a good, thorough chalk talk. Well, we didn't get it. If trail was going to suck, it was off to a good start. The sidewalk outside the bar was narrow and with the weather being so perfect, many pedestrians were using the sidewalk, causing Son of Spam to be interrupted often.
After about five full minutes, chalk talk had finally concluded and we were all on on to the east, towards Oz Park. Trail led straight over the hill, always a joy to run. Crotch Fire, Just Paul, Just Sean, Snotcho Mama, and Bert's Special Friend took turns leading the pack through Lincoln Park High School. Despite Bert's Special Friend promising to stick around with Just Mary and Just Chris, he left them in the dust in the back of the pack. Just Jinsun, Just Michelle, Just Rachel, and Self-Satisfier stuck together in close little pack, seemingly timing each stride with synchronicity. Just Do Me Slowly wasn't far behind and Son of Spam and Are They Real walked trail short-cutting along the way.
After Oz Park, trail led south through a nice little neighborhood in Lincoln Park. We zigzagged north and south, proceeding slowly to the west, seeing many beautiful little homes as we ran. A circle jerk had kept the pack together for a while, but the pack was starting to string out, when the front running bastards (FRBs) came across a well placed check. Just Sean, Snotcho Mama, Just Paul, Bert's Special Friend, and Crotch Fire scattered in hopes of finding true trail. Bert's Special Friend proceeded due north, calling out one, two, but never finding a third mark. He turned around letting Just Sean know that due north was a false trail. Most of the other runners sat at the check waiting, hoping others would fine true trail. Most were new to the game and were afraid of losing the pack or getting lost. Bert's Special Friend retreated back to the check and proceeded west. He saw one straight, two around a corner, and found Crotch Fire. Crotch Fire was on on. Since he was a two blocks west and one block north of the check, no one could hear him call On On. Bert's Special Friend went back to the corner to let the pack know to follow, then sprinted ahead to follow Crotch Fire.
Still headed west, the hounds found themselves under the L, in an alley at a split. Crotch Fire headed left and Bert's Special Friend headed right. As Bert's Special Friend continued north, searching for a mark, he heard on-on. He turned around and saw most of the pack ahead of him. However, Just Mary and Just Chris were not in sight. They probably were with Son of Spam and Are They Real.
Under the L, the pack ran through some patches of shiggy and found themselves at another check. The runners scattered. Bert's Special Friend noticed a white glop on the sidewalk across the street and went to investigate - nothing, just some off-colored concrete. He then proceeded west. One-Two- On-On right by Epic Burger. Trail then headed north down an alley that led to an old industrial park. There was an old train track that was partially paved over. There was a shortage of decision points and Bert's Special Friend started to distance himself from the pack. Trail continued north adjacent to a scrap yard and an industrial plant. On-left through the scales of the scrap yard. The garage doors were open and the pack was able to see some of the machinery used to carry and crush the scrap. A couple of flour marks were needed through the scrap yard. It turned out the trail through the scrap yard was a circle jerk, but we right next to the river. It looked like an appealing location for a beer stop.
Back on trail, we were headed northwest over an old steel bridge when we found a check right on the bridge. Bert's Special Friend continued northwest, but found nothing. Crotch Fire and Just Paul checked the east side of the bridge and found marks headed southeast. Bert's Special Friend inspected an alley to the northeast, but nothing. On-on to the southeast. Still no sign of Just Mary and Just Chris.
Trail led due east for a while and the pack was running together. Just Do Me Slowly was running well. Now headed south, the trail led across the street. The pack timed the cross together and followed southeast to a split. To the right was a neighborhood, to the left was a dark grocery parking lot. Bert's Special Friend took a shot at exploring the grocery parking lot and found an arrow right behind the Redbox vending machine. On-On. On-Right behind the store. It was so dark. The pack then emerged to find themselves in a neighborhood and proceeding down a neighborhood street. Split - continuing straight on the neighborhood street or to the right down an alley? Bert's Special Friend shot down the alley. On-On. It was like him and the hare shared a house or something.
Trail continued down a few more alleys until it came across a check. About four miles into the trail, more runners lingered at the check than usual. Crotch Fire headed south. Bert's Special Friend headed for an alley. Just Sean and Just Paul headed north. Bert's Special Friend, Just Sean, and Just Paul returned to the check with nothing. No one had heard an On-on either. Bert's Special Friend raced south and found a mark. After a far distance, he found another. After another far distance, he found the third. On-on. He also saw Crotch Fire ahead in the distance.
Crotch Fire then found a Beer Near (BN). The pack was reinvigorated and raced towards the ice-cold beverage that they all love. Bert's Special Friend and Crotch Fire ran together east on Armitage and then south. A playground was up ahead with a nice, big Beer (B). They walked in the playground and found nothing. Then on the ground they saw an On-Right arrow. Son of Spam and Are They Real were sitting on a bench enjoying some whiskey. They were eager to greet Bert's Special Friend and Crotch Fire with a beer. Bert's Special Friend shotgunned his beer and Crotch Fire had a beer and a shot. Discussing the trail, they waited for the rest of the pack.
The pack came back and enjoyed beers of their own. Bert's Special Friend did not see Just Mary and Just Chris though. They were not at the beer stop with Son of Spam and Are They Real. They were not with the rest of the pack. They were not coming down the street. Where were they? He ran off on reverse trail to see if he could find them. About a half mile back, he found nothing and ran back to Beer Stop.
The crowd was still enjoying the Beer Stop and Just Mary and Just Chris were still not there. Son of Spam offered his assistance in finding the DFLs. Together, Son of Spam and Bert's Special Friend went back about a half mile and heard a whistle. Weird. Just Mary and Just Chris didn't have a whistle. A little further down the alley, they saw a hasher. If it wasn't the veteran mooner, Lower Wackoff. And behind him, Just Mary and Just Chris were walking. Bert's Special Friend went to go hug his long lost prodigal sister and brother-in-law. Son of Spam greeted Lower Wackoff. Just Mary and Just Chris had no idea Lower Wackoff was a hasher. And Lower Wackoff had passed Just Mary and Just Chris three times, not knowing they were hashers.
Together Bert's Special Friend, Son of Spam, Lower Wackoff, Just Mary, and Just Chris went to the beer stop to find Snotcho Mama laying trail back from the Beer Stop to the bar. The stragglers went back to the beer stop to enjoy a beer. Son of Spam went with the pack back to the bar and promised the pack a gift. After their beers, the stragglers wandered back to the bar to join the crowd.
Back at the bar, the hashers had begun pouring pitchers and ordering food. Outside of the hash, the bar was empty. Sparing the excess head in the pitchers, the bar provided the perfect hash environment. Crotch Fire had his right leg up on spare chair, apparently keeping his leg elevated as he injured his ankle on trail. Circle opened up with the hare passing out "Full Moon Hash" pins to all participants, a true token of appreciation for the hashers having run his shitty trail. With a young, inexperienced crowd, Are They Real, Snotcho Mama, and Lower Wackoff took the helm in the circle and led the hash in song.
Next, the hashers called out the hare for laying a shitty trail - too many decision points, not enough alleys, and too short of a trail. Then the "Justs" were called into the circle and we found out a little more about these new hashers. Only Just Paul and Just Do Me Slowly had hashed before. We quickly found out the Self-Satisfier had no qualms making others come and that Bert's Special Friend liked to come with a nice crowd, including family members. Incest is best after all.
After a couple more down downs, the hare was back in the circle. Crotch Fire was calling him out for laying such a shitty trail that it caused him to injure his ankle. Crotch Fire even had his own special down down drink for the hare - a nice quart of milk. The hare struggled, but eventually finished the quart after three entries into the circle.
Just Mary and Just Chris traded down downs with Lower Wackoff for not recognizing fellow hashers. The hare was called out for looking like Jason Segel. Bert's Special Friend was recognized for being a supposed co-hare, but backing out at the last minute. Horn-E, who was not present, was called out for not attending - the hare drank in his absence. The hare was called out, again, for misleading the hounds into believing that trail would be only three miles. Trail was closer to five miles. Just Rachel, Just Paul, and Self-Satisfier were given a down down for wearing new shoes that were all of the same design.
Then came the down down of the night from Lower Wackoff to Just Mary and Just Rachel - for having a strange obsession with Horn-E, a hasher that neither had ever met. It was truly a deserved down down for these two and a true deserved down down in honor of the Grand Moonie himself. Hopefully these two hashers will be on trail with Horn-E in the near future.
As circle concluded, debauchery continued. Just Mary, Just Chris, and Bert's Special Friend made repeated trips to the juke box, playing Local H and the Eurythmics. Just Mary and Bert's Special Friend also made their way to the dance floor for some good old fashioned family bonding. Other hashers started telling tales of previous trails in hopes of luring the virgins back to future hashes. Slowly hashers left and went their separate ways. The hash left in peace.
Just Mary, Just Chris, Just Jinsun, Son of Spam, Bert's Special Friend, and Doug (a friend who met at the bar after circle, but non-hasher) piled into Son of Spam's five-seated Pontiac Vibe. Just Chris made his way to the trunk and Bert's Special Friend hit Lake Shore Drive to make it down to the southside. During the ride home, all lauded Son of Spam's trail and thanked him for providing a hell of an evening.
As all hashers prepared for a deep slumber, the beautiful full moon was exposed in all of its glory. The next time it rears its exquisite glow, it will be Memorial Day weekend and the 300th Full Moon Hash. Here's to wishing the Grand Moonie a speedy recovery so that he may lay trail.
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thristday Hash 18 Apr, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was laid from Double Bubble by Reverse Muff Diver and One Fuck Chuck. We had 18 trail hounds for this run with rain threatening and the rain came as soon as Chalk Talk was over. Damn. But it didn't last long. Just enough to get everyone wet. We headed west and then north and a Check at a Church. I followed Chippendale into a gangway behind the church for a very obvious trail. Not. But almost everyone followed. SnatchSquatch and Horn-E went back in front of the church where One Fuck Chuck was yelling On On for the opposite direction. We joined Are they Real, Famming Flaggot and Just Bof (a virgin) and Horn-E led to the east and north to a Triple Split where the following pack ran past Horn-E as he picked the wrong direction. Around the corner and at the end of the alley was a wine stop where everyone was already whinning about the marks. Horn-E and SnatchSquatch went on right away and Horn-E found trail after a Check into Loyola Campus. Trail headed right into the center of the campus and then headed to the lake and right, south along the lake where it exited the campus at dead man's curve on Sheridan. Horn-E is now all alone heading south on Sheridan, and south on Sheridan, and south on Sheridan with strong headwinds and then tail winds and they a little spray with the head winds. There was one short loop through a little park and along the lakefront before more southbound running on, Yes, on Sheridan. Finally there is a Triple Split at Thorndale and, and Horn-E got down on his wet knees and prayed to the hashing gods, long departed from these miserable city trails, that the trail would finally leave Sheridan Rd. He then got up and ran a block west and no marks. Damn. Returning on the other side of the street he saw the rest of the pack arriving. Chicken Stifer followed the way Horn-E went and he yelled that there were no marks. Naturally Chicken Stifer didn't listen and actually went further and actually found a hidden mark, across Kenmore and hidden on the handicap ramp behind the curbing. Damn. So we ran to Kenmore and south and Chicken Stifer was out of sight. Never saw him again, even at the On In. Horn-E was now passed some more FRBs Chippendale and Taste The Rainbow and a few others. And about then his ankle went out again. Damn. Even SnatchSquatch passed him as he managed to hang with these fast runners and leave Horn-E behind. We ran west to an alley and on south to Hollywood. Here some of us managed to spot the local wildlife. Damn coon. No, not that kind. A raccoon, running the alley and checking out the local garbage cans. There must be some real cheap garbage pickings because that was one real skinny coon. At Hollywood we headed west until a block past Broadway. Here was a Check and the trail was marked to go NW on Early. This went for two blocks and then a south turn and a Split. As Horn-E was returning from the wrong direction another group of hounds caught up. We looked for the other direction on that Split and Horn-E finally saw a mark well into an alley. Half a block and trail went through a fence and beer. About 5 minutes later, the back pack of hounds arrived and all were drinking.
.....After this we headed back to the bar. Chippendale took up a collection for three pizzas. Biggest damn pizzas I ever saw.
.....The Dark Kunt started circle. She changed her outfit from Crotch Candy to Nipple Candy and drank for that and the weather. That old Crotch Candy must have really smelled like twat sweat after two years and we asked Smells Like Twat Sweat to verify that, But that was one smell that Smells Like Twat Sweat wouldn't smell. We also gave the hares many a down down. And we met our virgins, JUST SARAH and Just Bof. And this was I think the first time we didn't give Famming Flaggot a down down as a visitor unless they did while I was disposing of some beer. Is he now accepted as an official TH3 hound? After the circle, the pack hung on for a bit. We did have two House Puppies, Hooch B4 Cooch and Snotcho Mama. The other Trail Hounds included Helen Keller Facial, Jizz Limit, Hoosier Daddy, W Jew 40, Just Brian #3, Roofie Ragu, Four Score In The Back Door, and Sir Fuck Wit.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash Apr 12, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We had two hares for this trail with Caught Red Headed and Just Do Me Slowly as we hashed out of Dino's again. As I entered the bar I was met by Soaked Arse from Copenhagen. Interesting. I mentioned two European hashers and he knew them. Then he mentioned one and I knew him. Our world of hashing is a small one indeed with friends all over the world. Finally the rest of the pack arrived, Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff. The hares held Chalk Talk and revealed that they don't remember where the hell they set trail, so they would be useless as sweeps. Good. We took off to the north for a couple of Splits and a loop and finally through a little school yard as we followed Horn-E. Then we had a Check and Soaked Arse took the lead to the north and it led to a Back Check and regrouped the pack. A block later we had a Triple Split. This time it was Horn-E who took the lead and led to a Check at Pratt. Horn-E went east and found a turn arrow to the north. Now these hares were already inconsistent with their marks, close and far apart, so Horn-E headed north a full block without any marks, but seeing a mark coming from the west. On. Meanwhile the pack did a loop before getting to this point. Heading west on Morse, Horn-E found another Check and after solving this, he returned to mark the Check and then he ended up following Soaked Arse in another loop and then east for a block. Here there was some confusion and Just Do Me Slowly pointed out the trail to Magnetic Muff who ran to a Split and went west. Not sure what happened here. Magnetic Muff was On, but didn't know it. Horn-E was off and did know it. Lower Wackoff didn't know what was happening and Soaked Arse finally found Horn-E two blocks away, while he was checking out a False from a Check on Sheridan. Trail went east to the beach and south. Horn-E went into a dead end alley and was fucked. No, not that way. This is Loyola, not Halsted. We finally reunited and after running an alley for two blocks and another Back Check, we got to a Check back on Sheridan. Now Horn-E is a smart ass and thinks he knows the trail has to go through Loyola. Fucked again. Returning to Sheridan, he joins Soaked Arse and Magnetic Muff on two marks to the south. But no more. So Horn-E heads into Loyola and finds a hidden arrow. I told you. This leads to a Split and another and we finally find Lower Wackoff returning from the second Split with nothing. He then leads us along the lakefront and as we exit Loyola, Soaked Arse takes the lead heading west on Sheridan. At a Split he heads straight and Horn-E heads south, only to find a BN. One split later we are heading west, across Broadway for a block and to the hares house. Damn, Horn-E got lucky at the end and is FRB again. Remember, we all led here and there. It is often a matter of just getting lucky at the last Split or Check.
.....Inside the house the hare was waiting with two six packs for the six of us and hot, hot dogs for the hounds and a horny male cat rubbing up on Lower Wackoff. From here we just walked back to the bar.
.....Circle started Full Moon style with ever flowing pitchers of Amber Bock beer thanks to the pouring of Just Do Me Slowly and we partied on for the latest On On of the year in Chicago as we didn't quit until almost 1:30. Small pack, good hash. Now, 'Stick your finger in your ring, tastes good', or 'Put a hot potato up your arse'.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash Apr 13, 2013 by Horn-E
.....Or G and Gas Stop Bob were our hares out of Dugans. Now if you are familiar with the area you know that there are a lot of EW streets and NS streets and then many of whatever angle necessary to meet up with two angled streets, Milwaukee and Elston. We're definitely going to get fucked unless we stay on trail. We didn't. We had nine hounds, sort of. Two were given a walking trail to the beer stop. A virgin, Just Cary, and a visitor, Ice Box who knew the Ice Box that hashed in Chicago in the past. Meanwhile Horn-
E led the seven trail hounds across the street and through a parking lot. A quick change of leads with Happy Ass Grabber and Horn-E was back in the lead after several Splits into alleys and streets. We finally headed across Milwaukee and Elston. Chicken Stifer was heading north and completely off trail. We headed across Elston and into some alleys and Chicken Stifer rejoined us as we came to a Check. I'm not sure what happened here. Chicken Stifer and Horn-E were to the east and not On. Horn-E headed into an alley on a mark and when he returned, the pack was gone. The Check was marked in the opposite direction and so it was now all about catching up. Somehow we headed back across Milwaukee and into more angled side streets. Every Check and Split was marked, but I still had to do every one of those damn little loops. We headed west of Nagle and finally north of Devon. A short time later I spotted some of the pack in front. Several blocks away. Damn. Just keep running. More back and forth and good Checks. Damn hares. Finally I ran past Yacko's, a Moon Hash hang out. Later EZ On The Ass said that was as far as he got. Apparently behind everyone from that damn Check. Trail went west down an alley and the pack was now only a block and a half ahead. Suddenly Chicken Stifer passed me. Apparently he was doing what I did, but further back. We now went around an area of several cemeteries. Berts Special Friend was now a half block ahead after a Split. Ran west to Newark, a NS street going right through the middle of the Cemeteries. About 3/4 mile long road. Just Chris was leading along here. We finally hit a Triple Split and Just Chris headed east into the Cemetery. I could see Chicken Stifer ahead as he also headed into the cemetery, but before the spot were Just Chris did. A short cut? Nah!. Just Chris returned after not finding any marks. Chicken Stifer didn't and we didn't see him again until Sunday at the Chicago Hash. Bye. Meanwhile I kept plugging along and slowly gaining on the pack. I finally passed Just Do Me Slowly and the hare, Or G. At the end, we crossed Milwaukee and headed east on Touhy. They crossed Touhy and through a parking lot and finally into woods. I was now right behind them and at a biking path I was right behind the lead, Happy Ass Grabber. Then he seemed to get lost in the woods and we came back out on Touhy at a Split. Returning from the Split I was last again. Just Do Me Slowly was given a short cut to the beer stop and was gone. I followed the hare into the woods and was soon running through a dead body The poor deer thing. All deer bones. I grabbed a trophy thigh bone and ran On and soon passed the pack and led us out at Harts Road. Now we had to cross the river and here I took off into the woods over and through and around wet lands and over logs and such. We came out at a picnic area and a Check. Heading across the road through the picnic area, Horn-E found one mark and Happy Ass Grabber found more and we were On but at a split. Happy Ass Grabber was On to the right and Horn-E was coming towards him when he spotted marks going south in the woods. This came out in a large picnic area and a Check. Horn-E was On One. On Two, And Berts Special Friend was On Three. They ran south along a bike path and passed a picnic shelter, and the beer stop. But we didn't recognize anyone there and ran on in a big loop around the beer stop while they all laughed at us. This led us into wet lands, still dry, as Horn-E led through tiny paths and such, On into woods, and we finally lost it. Berts Special Friend found it and out into picnic grounds and a Split. Berts Special Friend headed west so Horn-E headed east and there was the short cutters and hares waving to us. So we both walked in together. Shared FRB and Horn-E made it three hashes in a row. Damn tired.
.....We dipped into the no peek beer stop and I ended up with Steel Reserve. As thirsty as I was, it wasn't bad. Just Chris got stuck with the Clamato. Ugh. And some got some good ones. Eventually, the hare gave us all nice bright yellow Big Dog long sleeve shirts as his birthday gift to us that made it. After we got cold, we finally headed back to the bar where EZ On The Ass was waiting. We held a Big Dog circle and all was good. Bloody Thighs turned up in her walker and joined us. We managed to get around to naming Just Chris and he shall forever be known as Son On Spam. And Bloody Thighs was finally my ride home were I could collapse. Good time and "It's About The Trail".
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash Apr 14 , 2013 by Horn-E
.....That Thing That Vibrates and Just Brian #3 laid this trail out of Parrot's. There was fifteenTrail Hounds at the start with Jizz Limit just arriving to make 16. And we were soon off to the west after the worst Chalk Talk this year by Just Brian #3. After a Triple Split we were heading west around the north side of the hospital. After three days of being FRB, there was no way it was happening again. Running dead last after just a few blocks and getting tired already. Hey, I'm old. So who was leading? I have no idea. We went south on Sheffield and then to the west a bit. Crossing Diversey I was right behind Just Mike as we headed into an alley going south. Suddenly Chicken Stifer goes running by, bitching because I wasn't blowing my horn. Huh. If you weren't ranging all over, you'd be in front of me like everyone else. But whatever. At LIncoln and Sheffield we had another Check. I always head out on Checks and I headed into the park. Meanwhile trail goes west on Wrightwood and soon the trail is found heading south through the same park and I exit the park running second and blowing my horn for the pack. Rusty Grundle immediately passes and so does a lot of others. We head south to Fullerton and east to Kenwood. Now it gets interesting. Going down Kenwood, the trail goes through a campus building and out into this mall between buildings heading south. I'm almost dead last again, already. This goes south to Webster and the pack is disappearing again, going west. A short block to the west and the pack heads into a small park. Thinking it would go through to the other side, I run to the next street to see if I could see where the pack went. Screw up. They didn't cross the park and go to the next street. They just made a little loop and back out and heading north. Meanwhile Chicken Stifer follows and passes me. Just Mike is following. At Racine and Belden we have no marks. So I head to the east to check if they did the little loop that they did. They did. I see an arrow to the south, pointing north. I blow the horn for Chicken Stifer and Just Mike and head north, just missing a turn mark to the east as I was blowing the horn. Ooops. So they go east on trail and I go north off trail. Finally I return and find the missed arrow. Damn. From here, the trail successfully looped the previous trail (well laid) and they hid the marks well to fuck up short cutters. But with that, I kept missing hidden marks while navigating the afternoon crowds. Back and forth and finally On again heading east to Bissell and south to Webster. Now here I screw up again. Heading east there is another Check with a BN on it. But the sweep, Just Brian #3 marked the trail straight west on the north side of the street. But it actually went straight west on the south side of the street. Another loop around the block before I'm on again and this is right into Oz Park where the pack is waiting. DFL. Not. Actually, Jizz Limit showed up after we left and that made him DFL.
.....The pack then ran on for the second beer stop. All of them except me. I sort of walked and ran with Just Brian #3. At the first Check we had to hold off marking the Check for Berts Special Friend, in the wrong direction again. Then through some neighborhood streets and over to Clark at Deming. Up Clark and eventually to a Check at Diversey. We don't see anyone so Just Brian #3 marks the Check and as we cross the street we see Taste The Rainbow returning from north on Clark. We point out the correct way and he is gone. Yeah, really gone. One Split and he is behind us as the trail goes straight north on Broadway. Now here it gets screwed up. Just Brian #3 doesn't remember exactly where the trail crossed Broadway and he eventually sends me straight west on Barry where their was a turn mark. Well, this also screwed up Taste The Rainbow and he ran back and forth trying to find trail. So I run On to Clark, north a block, west to Sheffield, south a block and there is the pack in an alley under the EL. And shortly after, Taste The Rainbow comes in, DFL. I got lucky twice on this trail.
.....Back at the bar we ran into a few House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Clark Kunt and Glitter Spitter. Taste The Rainbow leads the circle, we are drinking beer and all is finally good. Others on trail included Dr. Fudge Knuuckles, Specklebird, Sandy Syphilis, Reverse Muff Diver, Hidden Panda, False Advertising, Its Too Soft, Just Brenden, and Roofie Ragu.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 4/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....We had nineteen hounds at the start of this trail set by Slippery Fingers who then went home sick after laying this sick trail. He had a co hare in Fire In The Hole who tried to drag this trail out of the hole by going over it and relaying parts with some fresh flour only to be waiting for us at the beer stop. Well done. All right, it wasn't as bad as I'm alleging, but there were a few touchy spots along trail that had the pack stuck for a bit. We headed south and into an alley right at the start and a Check at a T. But Rusty Grundle proved that all that time he wasn't running this year didn't leave him rusty as he found trail to the west on Belden. This led into an alley and through some housing complex and finally breaking out into Oz Park for a Check in the grass. Horn-E was pulling up the rear as usual and found the pack scattered as he entered the park. While the usual Check Hangers were on a path in the middle, some were seen along Webster and not finding anything. So I headed south through the park and a few bimbos followed. Suddenly we heard On Two, but I didn't know where it came from. Then we hear On On and the bimbos lead me out of the park down Howe, through an alley and west on Armitage. Then the pack is heading south on Orchard. This is one of those long blocks that is two long blocks long. The pack found one more mark and then nothing. WTF. So Horn-E goes back to Armitage and confirms that there is a turn arrow there. Meanwhile everyone is just hanging around talking to some residents. No way to find trail that way. So Horn-E heads on south. Someone had to go to the end and check for a mark. He passes the returning Jizz Limit on the way and he says he went to the end. Well, we aren't getting anywhere, so I go on and find a mark in an alley near the end of the block. Blowing the horn, the pack takes off and so do I. At the next block is a check. Heading into the next alley I find, one, two and finally a third arrow all the way over on Larrabee, across the street. WTF. Turning to blow the horn I see Roofie Ragu heading south and blowing the horn stops him and the pack is soon following. One block west on Menomonee is another Check. I went west without any marks. But looking back, I could see the pack heading south. So I parallel south and there is suddenly a False. Going further south I find the Split and head through a gangway to another Split. Headed back north, but didn't see any marks. Headed south to Eugenie and again, no marks, but the following pack is one block over and I blow the horn, but no one follows. So I return to the north and see someone running by yelling On, followed by That Thing That Vibrates. So I follow and we have another check at the next corner. I head east across Sedgwick on Menomonee. It was two more blocks before finding a third arrow and blow the horn. Now there is a Triple Split and I pick right, right. Then there is a turn arrow onto Willow, but I can't find the next arrow after going a whole block to the east. Returning on the other side of the street, the pack is now following in my footsteps. I yell that there are no marks, but no one wants to believe me until I find a hidden mark, behind a post and heading south. We now head south to Eugenie and then east. Definitely On, but a long way and no marks, I cross Wells and finally our visitor Hair Country passes me with several others right behind him. I get a break from leading for a half a block and we finally find another mark and head to a Check at LaSalle. And here is the park. Hair Country heads north, but I'm thinking that we have to go into the park across the street. I head into the park on the north side of W. LaSalle Dr. and find nothing. Lifa is on the south side of the street and yells On One. I head for the tunnel in case he is on a trail that goes through the tunnel. No marks. I look a little farther and miss a mark because of the glare of the wet paths. Heading back along the road I see Hair Country heading my way and let him know I have nothing. Then someone is yelling On or whatever and I see the pack heading west and on the south side of the street. Hanging around by the road, it is obvious no one is really on anything. I'm thinking, Lifa headed that way and the trail could have gone to the lakefront and then back over the pedestrian overpass so I head through the grass a little and there is that mark I previously missed, coming from the eastern tunnel under La Salle Dr. I blow the horn and I'm on. I find another mark and all is good, but there is a Split in the path and no marks there. WTF. I pick the wrong direction heading to the monument on the hill. Nothing. Heading back I run into the following Lifa. We head back towards the other paths to the west a little and I manage to spot a mark on a lower path. Running through some shiggy I'm back On and pass a T and E split. Heading on E, I follow along slippery board paths past another Split and along the waters edge. Nothing. So I range up about fifty feet to the path along the Zoo and here comes Lifa blowing his whistle. He then spots a BN. Heading across a bridge I spot a Split and I get lucky picking the right path. Again I come to a fork in the path that is unmarked, but after that last one I keep going and soon I found another mark. This headed north on paths and after a hundred yards is a B into a tunnel and there is Fire In The Hole sitting on a cooler. And right after me comes the following pack.
.....Now we all know I'm not that fast anymore, if I ever really was fast. But the real thrill in hashing is finding the trail and leading, if only until some faster hasher passes you. As such, I almost never stand around at Checks or Splits. You will never find trail that way. It is about taking a chance. Sometimes you win and solve a Check. Often you end up in back playing catchup or looking for a short cut to get back with the pack. But finding that mark is the thrill. Finding two in one trail is really good. The faster runners, and/or more adventurous runners are out there all the time, like Sandy Syphillis, Lifa, Roofie Ragu, and our visitor, Hair Country. But there is no reason some of the others can't get lucky once in a while. But it is seldom when taking a chance works so well, so often, for a slower runner like myself as it did on this night. It really felt great. And who was DFL. Roofie Ragu. He got caught struggling, looking for a mark on the south of LaSalle Dr and never really found it. But he gets out there and tries, and often is FRB. So, get out there and try. Maybe next time it will be you that gets FRB. It feels good for an old slug like me.
.....Back at the bar Little Trojan Annie was waiting with a cup of beer as we arrived. She soon held circle and finished with the seven days of hashing. In between we welcomed our visitors, Hair Country, Canadian Raper Leaves, Kibbles And Shit and Lapizon My Face. I probably butchered that. Other hounds on trail included Urine Love, Mommy Strangelove, Reverse Muff Diver, Keyless Entry, Just Brian #3, and Drill in My Box. Other house puppies included Its Too Soft, Ice Capades and W Jew 40. Now, get out and hash and take a chance.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Ho Hash Orphans Hash Sun 31 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We set these things to make sure those who won't be off visiting family on a holiday, this time Easter, and have there hash family to spend time with. We used to get about 18 hashers in the past when we actually hashed on Easter, so that would indicate that a lot of hashers might be around. Well, I'm glad to hear a lot of you had somewhere to go and friends or family to spend Easter with. But for two Orphans, we had trail and a great beer stop. Horn-E laid this trail out of Atlantic and it was an easy trail for a pack of ten or more, but a little harder with a small pack. Just Mike did a damn good job of finding trail most of the time with one rough section when we crossed the river on Lawrence and had a Check by a little park. He searched everywhere, not knowing about the nature trail along the river's edge. But he had no trouble after that until another Check be a river. He did find trail to the BN, but that pointed across the river with no bridge in sight. Going back to a bridge he found more trail along the river where we had to scale a high wall, clinging to a fence, and edge along towards the river junction. About a hundred feet past the junction we had a beer stop, the longest in Chicago's history. We were there in the warm sun, telling tall tales and drinking beer for two hours while we watched the geese and ducks floating by on the river. We consumed most of the beer Horn-E got from what was found on the TH3 hash last week.
.....Back at the bar we settled into several pitchers of the good House Beer and dinner, finally leaving around eight.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash Thu Apr 4, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was laid out of Beaumont's by Hooch B4 Cooch. I'd like to say this was a well laid trail, but I didn't run it when he laid it on Wed. By Thu, there were areas where marks were missing or very light. Like the first turn arrow. We had 22 hounds at the start and two late arrivals Barf Fly and Bare Back Mount Him that managed to find the beer stop. Something that not all starters managed. I almost missed it myself. We immediately turned west on Armitage and then after one block we headed south to Willow. Here we headed west to the El tracks where we did a little loop around the tracks and across Sheffield and over to Kenmore. Here we ran four, yes four, long blocks, a half mile straight north with two short Splits near the end. This put us at Belden in the De Paul area. The leaders missed the Check there and at the next corner, with no marks, they returned to the south where Lifa spotted the faded Check just as I arrived. I heard later that Chunder Pussy and SnatchSquatch just headed east thinking Oz Park and never looked back. They were soooo right. So I headed west on the south side of the street and Back Door County was on the north side. We saw nothing. I even went another block on both sides and saw nothing. I returned to Kenmore and headed north and found one mark. Then I saw Chicken Stifer cross the street and head to the corner ahead of me. At the corner he didn't indicate anything and suddenly headed west. Never saw him again until we got back to the bar. So I headed over to Sheffield and found nothing up to Fullerton. Returning I found a turn mark heading south on Belden. Nothing more on either side of the street all the way to Webster. Returning I found everyone gone, but the Check was marked very carefully with an absolutely straight arrow west. Three blocks later I didn't see a mark. On either side of the street and at all intersections. I quit about here. Apparently the trail went through De Paul and there was another Check near the El and I'm not sure what else. I figured I'd just head to Oz Park, do a loop and see if there was a beer stop there. If not, I'd just go back to the bar. Well at the far east of the park I hadn't seen anything and headed into the park. Spotted Roofie Ragu who said he was On. What he was On was a False from a hidden Check behind a statue that he missed. So we spread out and Roofie Ragu found a mark at the SE corner of the park heading south. A real clear mark. WTF. From here on we found marks that looked freshly laid. At Armitage there was a Triple Split which allowed Horn-E to take the lead heading south. After a block there was a turn onto Wisconsin and there was the pack waiting at a beer stop. And we weren't last as another 6 or so finally came on in.
.....Back at the bar Horn-E got beer flowing while Drill In My Box kept collecting money from the late arrivals and the House Puppies. Then One Fuck Chuck started circle. All right, not bad bad, but not good. But he is learning and getting better, and kept control for the most part. He didn't repeat a song, but messed up a few. He'll get better. Hooch B4 Cooch got plenty of Down Downs. And the De Paul Field Hockey team or whatever they were, got out shouted by the hash leaving them wondering if they would be like us when they got older. There was finally a six pack of us finishing off beer after midnight, so a good party. Who were the rest of the hounds on trail? O'Shitty Runch, Mommy Strangelove, TampOn TampOff, Reverse Muff Diver, Hood Whorenament, Jizz Limit, Mount Schwiiinga, Sandy Syphilis, Poultry Fucker, Urine Love, Just Robert, and Foamy Discharge. the House Puppies were R-Tard-E, Slippery Fingers, Rusty Grundle and Its Too Soft.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 27 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Carys by Horn-E. We had 5 hounds show up and they got a good run through streets and smells that were something out of the Middle East. We headed through an alley and to our first Check at Western. As usual Berts Special Friend was off in the wrong direction when Lower Wackoff found trail in the opposite direction, north on Western. One block west of Western is the next Check and a very obvious set of two marks heading to this huge park. Got the bastards. Trail went the other way and finally Berts Special Friend found trail and it led back north towards Devon. Just Chris was following and finally Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and Caught Red Headed casually walking along. And they walked most of the damn course, or so it seemed. From here, the trail went through an alley where Berts Special Friend got off in the wrong way again on a Split. So Just Chris led to the next Check on Western and got stuck on a long False to the south. So we are now off to the east running side streets and we nailed Berts Special Friend on a Back Check where he ran off on the wrong street with the walkers following. What? But they were soon back on course and heading east where Lower Wackoff solved the next Check through an alley. From here we had several Splits and caught several front runners before trail went over a fence and through a park and still east to a Check. Is this heading to the hares place for a beer. Not likely. Trail reversed course here and headed to another Check at Devon. Lower Wackoff really got off trail here, but the rest were soon on course west to Ridge and then north. The next Check caused them a bit of trouble, but eventually they were in a park running around a golf course. But all beautiful trails have to end and they were soon heading north into city streets and a Check. That bastard hare got them again and finally they returned to that beautiful park. And another Check. Lower Wackoff found this trail and had everyone following him when he found that dreaded F. Damn hare. So off they went into the park and the hare is hearing calls in the park below while drinking on a high sledding hill. Finally Berts Special Friend comes up to the hill and starts up. Let me tell you, he is no Walter Payton. I thought I'd have to throw him a rope to pull him up the hill. But all was soon good as a six pack of hashers finished off a six pack of PBR 16s.
.....From here we walked back to the bar. There was an uninteresting basketball game on the TV between La Hot or something like that and a battered Los Bulls who were kicking ass on the bigger better team. And then we almost had a WWF mixed tag team match, featuring two fat guys defending to fat bumbos. In between we managed to finish off about four pitchers of beer and hold a nice circle and have a good time singing and telling tall tales about short Harrietts.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 28 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was out of The Dark Horse hared by Bloody Brown Castle and virgin hare Helen Keller Facial. We had 17 hounds start out on this trail and were soon at a Check about two blocks away. Horn-E headed west as One Fuck Chuck was already returning saying he only had two. Well, no one else had anything so I yelled to him that we should go back and find the third arrow. We did and we were off with the pack about two short blocks behind. Horn-E was trying desperately to keep One Fuck Chuck in sight through a couple of turns. Finally Sandy Syphilis passed Horn-E and he got a break and almost the whole pack passed him and ran to the second Check. This time Horn-E was off in the wrong direction as the trail was found to the west. Upon returning, the slowly chugging W Jew 40 came along saying he was desperately trying to keep SnatchSquatch in sight. We walked a bit and suddenly the pack was out of sight. All right, I'm not that fast and I didn't see my catching them so I just walked and talked with W Jew 40. Trail was being swept and we were able to follow along okay. We had one Check that was marked east, sort of, and wasn't. But at Southport we decided to range north and there was a mark. Back on again. Finally the Checks and Splits weren't marked anymore and every time we got off course, we would stumble right back on. Finally at Irving Park we said, fugetaboutit. That was more north and we figured we were so far back it was time to return. We followed along the El tracks and figured out that there would probably be a Check behind Bloody Brown Castle's place, as usual.
.....Not. But yes. Now this is hard to believe. Suddenly we see on one of the El pylons, about six Guinness cans, full. And two twelve packs and a case, ripped open. And full of beer. And a lot of good beers. So now we are figuring that somehow we beat the pack to the beer stop. But no B marked. And they weren't there before us because there were no empties, just about 50 full good beers. We opened a couple of Goose Island beers and waited for something, anything to happen. Finally a few texts and phone calls and we found out that the pack was back in the bar. This was not a beer stop. And we weren't leaving fifty good, cold beers behind. So we brought them back to the bar. We intended to split it up, a case and a half for CH3's Sat trail and a half case for the Orphans hash beer stop on Sun.
.....Back at the bar we were hearing of how horrible the trail was from everyone. Well, it did seem to have a lot of long straights and we missed a lot of trail. The Dark Kunt went and found two bottles of milk for the hares in the circle. Helen Keller Facial got his, and reluctantly started to drink and finished it. Just don't stand in front of him or you might get a spontaneous Helen Keller Facial. Bloody Brown Castle absolutely refused to drink his. So the RA cut him off from hash beer. And the circle went on with the usual shit. Mid circle, Berts Special Friend and Just Chris arrived. They arrived a half hour late, ran the course that was swept and on into the part of the course that wasn't and finally made it in. After circle was over we drank on and on and on. Suddenly Bloody Brown Castle is over by our beer stash and I thought he was giving W Jew 40 a ride home with his case and a half. I took my share and suddenly Bloody Brown Castle was gone with the beer. And W Jew 40 came by and wondered where was the beer. Well, Bloody Brown Castle, where is his beer? After that we drank on into the night. It was at least 1AM when I left and there was still five hounds drinking beer. Well, the trail might have sucked a bit, or a lot, but the party was good.
.....Others on trail included Just Mike, Hoosier Daddy, Mommy Strangelove, Urine Love, TampOn TampOff, Cunt Put, Drill In My Box, False Advertising, Hood Whorenament and Just Brian. There were several house puppies including Ginger Snatch, Ice Princess and Barf Fly.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 16 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....Set by Just Brendan and Clark Kunt out of Moe's. We had nineteen hounds set to chase these two on a live trail. After the Dark Kunt gave a chalk talk, we were off to the north on Milwaukee to a Check in a block. We could already see we would have trouble finding marks because of instead of big arrows, we had little chalk lines. But Chicken Stifer found marks on a angled street heading south west and then eventually south to Diversey and a Check. Horn-E and Chicken Stifer headed south checking and trail was found to the east. We ran parallel in an alley. After two blocks we saw Jizz Limit heading south from a Split. But trail was called east again and I again headed east in the alley with Jizz Limit following. Never saw Chicken Stifer again until the beer stop. Trail eventually headed north and then over to Milwaukee and back to Diversey for a Check. This took quite a while before trail was finally found to the south. I was east with Sir Fuckwit who didn't know NSEW from SEWN, but I directed us in a shortcut into an alley and an angle street and soon we were running south and the pack came out of an alley in front of us. There was a Split here, but I saw TampOn TampOff running south and then east yelling On. We followed. It led to Logan Square and I headed to the monument while hashers ran around to the north doing a loop around the monument. I had no marks so I checked with One Chuck Fuck. He said we had a Check at the entrance to the Blue Line subway. But no one found anything after that. Someone finally said that TampOn TampOff had a False coming out of the subway. Meanwhile about six of us are running around looking for marks. We ran through the subway and found arrows but no Check. We ran in circles some more. Finally someone saw that False. So everyone finally figured out that we had to go back to that last Split. Back in the old days, with Chicago's traditional marks, False always meant go back to Check. Back Check meant go back to a Split or look along trail for a mark we missed. Somehow, over time, hashers started turning False into go back to Split or Check. The old way might have been less confusing here. At least for this band of hounds. Whatever. We were soon back On trail and heading south for a block as I followed Sir Fuckwit, One Fuck Chuck Fuck, Sandy Syphilis, Chunder Pussy and a few others. Trail then headed east across Kedzie Blvd. Running last, I got caught by traffic and Chunder Pussy was the last hasher I saw on trail. I ran on and on never quite getting to a point where I might see the pack ahead. Ran through two Shot Stops and they were gone. Thanks to Drill In My Box for taking a tiny bit of drywall and marking almost all of the Splits and Checks I was able to keep going until I finally spotted the beer stop, just as some were already leaving. Dead last. I grabbed a beer. Suddenly I saw W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie coming along the street. They must have been about two or three blocks behind me. But they did better then Foamy Discharge. She was told where the beer stop was and still missed it.
.....Back at the bar we found a crowd. So we headed into a back storage room and held circle there. Shows that it doesn't take much to keep a hasher happy besides beer and songs. A lively circle was held and then we named Just Brendan. Usual questions and stuff and finally we came up with Bar Back Mount Him. And so it will be, for ever more. After the beer ran out, we headed down the street for $1.50 Margaritas and Mex grub. Well after midnight there was still over ten eating and drinking. Good time. Others on trail included, False Advertising, Urine Love, Poultry Fucker, Back Door County, Monkey Seman Monkey Do, and String Theory. The House Puppies included O'Shitty Runch, Fire In The Hole, Slippery fingers, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Hidden Panda, Just Grace, Hooch B4 Cooch and Ball Cock Dumper.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 16 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....Beautiful day for a hash out of Cumberland And Irving Park. And I got there early for once. Good thing because weather pulls its tricks, especially in the woods. Like slippery paths to slick to run on at the beginning and end of the trail and a river over flood stage. But the weather was in the low 30s. Not bad.
.....I had hinted that this trail would go in a different direction then normal, meaning the north section of the woods. Or maybe not. Maybe the golf course that is only accessible during the winter. So I was running trail fairly west in the south section of woods towards a goal of the far Northwest end of that section for a good False for anyone who might be thinking North. On the way I laid a Check in deep woods with a two mark False going south to a lowland, wetland area. This was almost my downfall. After the next Check the idea was to take the trail along a wide path along the river and over a bridge. Unfortunately, the river was up. Oops. Shit. The bridge was underwater. Cold water. Back Check. Now I have to find a path along the wetlands area and right past that False I mentioned. As I'm going along the trail, there it is right ahead of me. So I skipped marking for a long bit on the path and returned to that two mark False. People hit a two mark False and what do they do? Range. So I made three marks and then an F. Hopefully they would just go right back and they did. But later on that. It worked.
.....Later I had other problems at the golf course. Water again. First hole in the fence led to cold water about mid calf deep. Skip that. Go south and around the pond to near the entrance. After many marks I again hit a section where the river over ran the path. Back Check. Had to go east to a section where we could climb the fence.
.....Now to the hounds running the trail. I guess the weather and St. Patrick's day drinking and hangovers kept a lot away and we only had the real Bushman, Or G and Lifa and our Bush Babe, Just Do Me Slowly. We headed into the woods to the south and after a bit of slippery trail we came to an open field, heading south following Lifa. Then we hit a main path going west and it was solid ice, caused by people walking on snow, melting and refreezing to an uneven slick mess. As soon as we got to a clearer area for running into the woods, trail went right into the bush. And there we found mostly solid ground or soft snow and Lifa was running away with the trail. We came to a little stream and crossed on the ice with wet edges that were hard for Just Do Me Slowly to get across. We're going to have to get her some stilts. On the other side of the stream, trail still headed mainly west to a Check at the bridge. Lifa was already long gone to the west and Or G was following so I had to blow the horn for Just Do Me Slowly so she could catch up. And that was easy because Lifa and Or G ran right past a Check without seeing it and couldn't find trail. Finally letting them know they were at a Check Lifa immediately headed south to that previously mentioned False. Worked great. He called On and then False and then returned. Meanwhile Just Do Me Slowly ran north and found trail and was off and running, leading the pack to the next Check in this big snow covered field. Or G went south into woods and a False. Just Do Me Slowly went west, found marks on the true trail but only got to two when Lifa called On. He had headed right to the long False near Irving Park. Naturally they all got there together. So they returned to this long wide path and headed south along the river and to my previously mentioned Back Check. So they looped back and found that path and right past that False. Damn, I got lucky and it worked. We now headed into the lowlands and jumped a small creek of running water and off to the south and along the main path I wanted to do all along. It was down a hill and under about eight feet of water. Finally we hit a dry spot and ran south to a Check. Just Do Me Slowly was again On and this time she led to the golf course where I had trouble laying trail. Meanwhile Lifa was ranging parallel and in the woods and came to the golf course fence. He found the hole. Leave it to Lifa to find a hole. He climbed over the fence and was off over some hills and across the fairways to the next Check. By the time I got there with Or G, Lifa was already checking to the south and then going in a big loop. Just Do Me Slowly followed him and then turned south on a shorter loop, looking at the trees for a mark. Just before she hit the first mark, she looked away. You just can't count on human nature like that. So they struggled until Lifa ranged far enough to find some marks and we were off and running. This went near the club house and across some more fairways and hills and rough until ten minutes later they entered some woods after a Split. Meanwhile Horn-E is short cutting across the fairways towards a herd of deer grazing on a green. He was just enough to scare them into the woods where the hounds would be coming. Meanwhile Lifa went right at the last Split and scared the deer back deeper into woods and Horn-E finished the job before some horny stag chased down Just Do Me Slowly. After here it was another hole in the fence and straight, sort of, to the beer on that same uneven slippery ice. When we got there, Lifa was already enjoying a Guinness. Yes, three different kinds of Guinness. We had several before we got cold and headed to that old standby, Heeney's. I had been out there about six hours and I know I was getting cold. We had a few more with some snacks and finally headed out into the night at about 6:15. Good days hashing.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We hashed out of Double Bubble with Snotcho Mama haring and his co hare Bloody Brown Castle recovering from a hang over just walked to the beer stop with a virgin, Just Kathy. Nice choice. We had fifteen hounds at the start and picked up One Fuck Chuck on trail. So we took off to the east and down an alley by the tracks, through a gangway and north to a Check at Granville. The pack scattered and enough bought into the trail going north and were long gone. Someone found trail to the south in an alley and I followed Mommy Strangelove south. This led to going under a four plus one and further south to our next Check at Ardmore. This trail went east past dead man corner and out onto the beach following flour now. Unfortunately, windy days and flour on blowing sand don't mix. We found no flour. So Horn-E started running south on the beach and headed for a hole in a fence looking for pavement where there might be a drywall arrow. None all the way to Bryn Mawr. Looking back he saw runners heading towards a pedestrian tunnel under the outer drive. Somehow, around here, Horn-E missed the shot stop. Good, he doesn't do them anyway. Heading west on Hollywood he finally saw arrows going the way he just came from. Hmmm! Checking. Right. At the corner of Sheridan. So he headed west and found marks on the south side of the street. At an alley was a Split. going south he found nothing so at a parking lot he ran through it and west all the way past the El tracks. Nothing. Returning to that section of the alley just as Chicken Stifer was arriving, Horn-E found a mark a little further in the alley. We're off. Trail went south to Catalpa and west to Broadway for a Triple split and On west to Lakewood. By now Horn-E spotted a back pack arriving, being led by The KGB and blew the horn for them. Then we headed south for a block, a block west and back north to a Check at Ridge. By now Horn-E's old feet gave out and he lost the pack and had to walk back to the bar. About ten minutes later they started to wander on in. Beer started to flow and a circle was started. The virgins's, Just Kathy and Just Joe were introduced and a new transplant, False Advertising. After circle the beer continued flowing and the pack stayed for quite a bit. Finally Horn-E took advantage of the food in the bar, Corned Beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes. Let me tell you it was great. Other hounds on trail included Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Reverse Muff Diver, Just Lizzy, Helen Keller Facial, Crotch Fire, Just Mike and Berts Special Friend.
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On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 12 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....What could go wrong? The old favorite hash bar, The Piano Man. Around 30 degrees with occasional light flurries and heavy winds so the snow, if any, wouldn't settle and cover marks. Use Drywall.
.....Upon arriving at the Piano Man, the bar was closed. Only open on Thu through Sat evenings. Huh. All right, make it work. find another bar. $12/Pitcher, $15/pitcher, $18/pitcher. WTF. Finally, four blocks south was another old hash bar, Blarney Stone and $8/pitcher. Great. Now to put a note by The Piano Man as to the new start location. Simple, run the hash by The Piano Man and put down a note then.
.....Back at the start, I grabbed a beer and waited. Finally Lifa arrived, just as the snow arrived. It looked like a hail storm coming through and everything melted as soon as it hit the ground. Marks? They wouldn't be good. Hell, they were out right bad. The worst I ever laid. There is no excuse, just bad reasons like I expected blowing flurries not melting snow. Then Berts Special Friend and Just Chris also arrived. And we were off. The marks were there, to barely there, to no freaking way could we see anything. What wasn't going to be a great run, but only barely adequate, turned into real shit. Thanks Horn-E.
.....I will say that the hounds tried hard. Very hard. They all took their turns leading, running past light, barely visible marks, running back to where the hare was waiting and cussing him as they ran by. We worked out way north through the Addison El Stop and through alleys and streets to the Piano Man. Around back and north to Irving Park and Southport and then south through some more alleys and to a bar called Newport for a beer stop. then a walk straight back to the Blarney Stone.
.....Circle was started Moon Style and we all got Down Downs especially that damn hare. Shit happens. when it does, you try to make the best of it and when something goes wrong that can't readily be corrected, you do your best and take the deserved shit for it. I stand accused. That were the worst marks I ever laid.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 14 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Weeds by Mount Schwiiinga on her birthday on 3.14, pi to all you mathematicians. And there would be many pi Checks on trail, whatever that meant. She took off on a semi live trail and we were to take off at 7:45. After an attempt by Chunder Pussy to hold a chalk talk. we took off to the south with a pack of 25 hounds. Several blocks later we ran into another hound, Roofie Ragu who already ran trail. he arrived just after we left for the shag wagon and thought we were already gone. All right, it was a short trail. Anyhow we had a Check at Kingsbury. Lifa was on to the south and at the next street he found a Split. Horn-E got lucky here and spotted the mark in a parking lot and we were still going south on Kingsbury to another pi Check. We were scattered and someone called On to the south, but I saw Lifa and One Fuck Chuck heading east across Halsted and not stopping. Were they also On. I followed and there was a mark coming from the south on Halsted and crossing Halsted. So the trail was to close together and we were On while the main pack was off to the south. We entered into a community of homes that were dead end. I love prior knowledge. I saw Lifa running around this loop and so I checked the other side of the street and there was a mark coming back and heading north on Halsted. Damn, I'm in front. I blew the horn, but no one heard. I checked a Split through a hole in a fence, but nothing. Then on north and I'm On again to another Check at Clybourn. I spot an arrow to the south on Clybourn and checked it out with nothing. Upon returning I see the pack now heading for the Check. I then head into an area behind some stores and this is where trail actually went. But as I get to North Ave I turn and there is a False. Damn. So I head back and we start over running in all directions. I finally head back to Clybourn and that first arrow I saw. I ran about a block and a half with nothing. About then, I get a flash in my addled brain. Could that False I saw actually have been a pi on its side. Think about it. I ran back and sure enough, it was. Damn. Donny The Retard. By now I think a few hashers had gone past this to the east and were On to the beer stop. But I head across the street and under the El tracks and I find four hashers in the alley at a shot stop. I went back and blew the horn for the rest of the pack and some of us took off to the north without waiting. Sandy Syphilis led us out of the alley and to the east. A block and a half later at Orchard we had another Check. By now someone had found a huge inflated exercise ball and it was now more of a game of kicking the ball around. Horn-E and Just Robert finally headed off on the Check in the wrong direction and naturally the On call was the other way, back south to North. And they were kicking that ball all the way in the middle of the street. As I approached North I heard a bang. No, not a gun shot. A car crash. It seems as if the Man of Steel, Clark Kunt was running across North Ave, in the cross walk when a car stopped for him. Then a cab hit her and another car really back ended the cab. Ooops. I headed east and Bloody Brown Castle was on the other side of the street yelling On. From here we did a little loop into an alley and then straight east for a few blocks to the beer top. Mount Schwiiinga was waiting and buying bottles of Budweiser Black Crown beer. At $2 a pop she was a bit overwhelmed by the crowd of 26 hounds. After our beer it was a walk back to Weeds and past the car wreck. Then One Fuck Chuck and The Dark Kunt held circle and gave our hare her share of down downs. Then we met out visitor, Disco Ass from St. Louis. We also had two virgins, Just Robert and Just Lizzy from Philadelphia. Other hounds on trail included Back Door County, Drill In My Box, That Thing That Vibrates, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Jizz Limit, Chippendale, Foamy Discharge, Helen Keller Facial, String Theory, Glitter Spitter and Mommy Strangelove, There were several House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Fire In The Hole, Slippery Fingers, Its Too Soft and Just Noga.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Mar 2012 by Horn-E
..... Set to start out of Irish Times in Brookfield at the Metra Stop. Hares were Just Chris, Berts Special Friend and Horn-E. Just Chris was all up for this trail that would run around Brookfield Zoo and the local woods. As a special thing he had a ton of good beers and cheap down down beers ready to go. The special beers were all animal related as we would hash around the zoo for the first time in years. Scape Goat, Moose Drool, Tusker, Werewolf and many more. Then along trail he drew pictures of animals everywhere. Well, they were supposed to be animals. We were ready for this zoo run. To bad no one else was and on a beautiful dry day with weather just about 32 degrees so melting snow wasn't a problem, even in the woods. But only Lifa showed. Pity. This was a good trail. And Lifa as usual is up for it. He ran about 8 miles and he likes long trails, so we were off. Lifa had a sweep following him everywhere, Berts Special Friend. Streets, tracks, woods, cross tracks, park, woods, streets, long False into the zoo parking lot, another Check from hell, streets, woods, streets and finally a beer stop. A good mix of trail. The beer stop was at the home of old time hashers, Dr, Chernobyl and Moon. Over twenty years since they had hashed. Horn-E ran into Dr. Chernobyl at the vets hospital last week and they live in Riverside, right next to Brookfield. They were glad to have a beer stop on their back porch. And we tasted some good beers. After that, Dr. Chernobyl and Moon who still run a lot, joined us as we ran another mile and a half to the finishing beer stop, in some more woods with a final circle. To get there we ran over to the Riverside Train Stop for a massive Check with about seven Falses and we could have laid more. Dr. Chernobyl and Moon finally left us to put on some more miles and we drank on in the woods. After this we walked along the tracks to a bar called At The Tracks were we had $7 pitchers and half price pizza. Good time. If you missed it, you missed it.
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 10 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We had a surprising turnout on a cold wet day with more rain expected. Twenty Hounds, two scheduled hares Mudsucker and Barf Fly and two last minute hares, Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up. Mudsucker always seems to need extra help. Hey, it is a short trail.
.....As we left, the weather was nice and trail headed straight south. Unfortunately everyone ran next to this park instead of through it for a big loop. But the loop came out right were the main pack ran. But then they couldn't find a mark and started running west, Nothing there. Horn-E arrived about then and started to look to the south east and spotted a mark just as the ranging KGB was almost on it and he yelled On and Horn-E blew his horn and hashers came from everywhere converging on a gate to a street and then we headed south to 37th St. I was plodding along here with a visitor, Shamcock. Here we had a Check, I think, and we all seemed to regroup until someone found a mark under the tracks. This led to the next street and then straight north to 35th St. Here there apparently was a mark going west and everyone ran over to Mudsucker's for a beer stop. But there wasn't a beer stop there. At least not yet. Trail was supposed to go straight north passed 35th St. Lifa returned and finally found this and he and TampOn TampOff ran on with Horn-E following. Then came a T and E Split with E going straight into and across a lot. But apparently there were no more marks. Meanwhile Horn-E ran on north on the Turkey Trail with R-Tard-E following. At 33rd St there was a turn east and at an alley was the next mark, going straight east. But we saw Berts Special Friend heading down the alley yelling On. apparently there was a Back Check that we didn't see. From here things seemed to go to hell. Turn marks with nothing following, etc. We finally managed to approach a Check at an alley from the south. Hounds were off to the north on the street, Some went into the alley at a T and found a turn mark heading north. Okay so far, but no one is finding a third arrow. Horn-E finally goes through the alley over to the next street. As he gets there, Rhotan is seen running north on the other side of the street heading north and blowing his whistle. He was On, but how he got there is beyond anyone else. At the next alley was a turn and another at the T in the alley heading north. But nothing was found at the end of the block. Lifa did find a turn mark into an alley but nothing after that. We ranged a bit and at the next intersection Sandy Syphilis finally spotted a mark across the street and we were off again. From here we wandered over to Halsted and 30th St. Here is a park with many ball fields and the pack headed into the park. Unfortunately some missed a turn out of the park and came to another exit with a Back Check. Unfortunately the Back Check was coming from another direction. Ooops. And they were wandering around there, lost. Just Chris, Its Too Soft and Horn-E had just arrived at 30th St and Halsted about then. and the rain was just starting and eventually came down fairly steady. We started off on what we thought was a short cut to the west. suddenly the pack is heading back to the east and Its Too Soft was running on in an apparent wrong direction. The pack continued to the south on Halsted and about then the back pack of walkers was now heading north in Halsted. Just Chris and Horn-E followed and as we got to 29th St., Berts Special Friend came over this hill yelling he wasn't On. According to the visitor, Saigon Sally, apparently this part was well marked by Barf Fly and went to 27th St and then around a land fill park and back to that mysterious Back Check. From here we ran on Poplar street to the south, through a lot and eventually over to Throop and back north. Along here, Barf Fly, Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up were sweeping and mainly directing everyone still out there towards Mudsucker's. Just Chris, Horn-E and Menage A Twat were pulling up the rear and while she ran on, the other two said fugetaboutit and just walked back to the bar getting soaked all the way. And as they arrived, the FRB from the beer stop, The KGB was already arriving.
.....We had a few House Puppies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein and Visitors Nearly Castrated and Just Patty. Calvin Klein then led the circle. A small bar with a lot of locals so it was quite congested. The hares got many and many a down down. Lifa kept the beer flowing. We met our visitors. Other hounds on trail included Monkey Seman Monkey Do, Foamy Discharge, Just Julie, Rhotan, Poultry Fucker, O'Shitty Runch, and Helen Keller Facial. After the circle, hounds slowly left until there were about 13 hounds left and we drank until the beer ran out and we appointed, Foamy Discharge as GM of Second City Hash and Barf Fly was the late night R. A. We did have two really late arriving House Puppies, Taste The Rainbow and Ice Princess.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 3/7/2013 by Horn-E
.....The trail was set from the House of Jew and Furry Spice and Urine Love set the trail. I've seen less marks on trail, but it is hard to remember when. Actually that is because the trail was only a block or so long. It ended up in a field under the Blue Line El tracks where Urine Love was waiting with three 30 packs. Not a beer stop, but the finish and the start of a Beer MIle. Okay, not actually a hash but a fun run with lots of beer. It was to be a three legged race with random partners. While TampOn /TampOff and Just Roger had the best pit stops, they were beaten on the course by O'Shitty Runch and Helen Keller Facial. Coming in third was Back Door County and One Fuck Chuck. The most mismatched pair was Hoosier Daddy and Roofie Ragu. They finally ripped the fragile Duct Tape on their legs and there was no more, so Hoosier Daddy just picked up Roofie Ragu on his back and ran a quarter mile. For some reason Roofie Ragu refused his turn. Another pair that didn't do well was Pussy Foot and Mommy Strangelove as she refused to do a beer after her first loop. Ahhh, WTF. There were two other pairs pulling up the rear, Chunder Pussy and Jizz Limit and the two Harrietts, The Dark Kunt and Little Trojan Annie. There were four house puppies dragged out into the cold and made to stand around through it all and then the outdoor circle. They included Horn-E, Drill In My Box, Sorry I Swollowed and Just Grace. After circle that included many down downs for the winners and hares, we headed over to the House of Jew and settled into warmer beer. Well, not warmer, just in a warmer enviroment.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was the 8th Annual Idiotarod Hash set by Happy Ass Grabber, this time out of his house. We had nineteen hounds (probably a Big Dog Record) ready for trail as we took off on a live trail through the Get Toe and abandoned factory zones and parks. In addition to a final beer stop, we were going to get about four or five mini beer stops of about two beers to pass around. A regroup for the pack before leaving. Yeah, like that works. We started out in the usual direction, NW, and got an immediate Check at Madison and Sacramento. After some effort, trail was found in the south in an alley. Soon we were heading east on Jackson, through a quick Check and On east. I was following along with the others in back, Its Too Soft, EZ On The Ass, (sweeping) Steve the Train Killer, Ice Princess and SnatchSquatch. And we did a lot of following all day until SnatchSquatch got lost and EZ On The Ass short cut some to the beer stop at the end. This led to a Check at Washtenaw. We went under some tracks and had another Check in this large empty field. To the south was out first beer stop, but we didn't find it. Meanwhile with the pack scattered everywhere, Lifa looped around this other empty field to the south and found a mark coming out of it. ON. This led under the tracks to the west and a quick Back Check that slowed down Lifa. Trail went over a foot bridge over the Eisenhower Expy. Another Check but quickly found and we headed south and then under the tracks to the west. Again, the damn hare caught the pack in a Back Check and Horn-E looked at the tracks and saw a mark leading the pack up to the tracks where Chunder Pussy took over the lead. A block or so later and trail went into a huge snow covered field and another Check. Local knowledge and a view of this slag hill by the tracks and I headed south along the tracks, Jizz Limit was ahead and he found marks at the next street, crossing the street and right up the hill. Beer Stop. We all gathered for the beer and view except SnatchSquatch who couldn't get up the hill. So he headed out looking for trail and didn't see trail or hashers for about an hour, going in circles over and over again looking for marks that the hare hadn't laid yet. He finally found a mark going in the wrong direction and was able to rejoin the pack. Meanwhile we started looking for trail. Lifa, Steve The Train Killer, Horn-E and Barf Fly were down on the nearby rail spur finding nothing. Finally one mark. Then a second leading into some nasty bushes, etc. But nothing. Barf Fly jumped over a fence and into a parking area to the south. With no one looking, Horn-E decided to stand like a man and while otherwise occupied, damn if he didn't spot the elusive third mark. Yelling on as soon as he was done, what was left of the pack converged on the rails above this nasty shiggy and while Horn-E climbed out of the shiggy, they were On to the south along the tracks. So there were the usual DFLs running and walking behind. We finally came out at 16th St. and a quick Check. Horn-E could see runners to the west and followed. At California we ran into Douglas Park and I could see the pack standing around at another beer stop. As I arrived Just Chris brought me a can to help finish. Needed that. And as the last three DFLs arrived we took off with everyone heading NW except Lifa and Horn-E who went around some low area with obvious water under slush. Staying in the snow didn't work and suddenly Horn-E was flat on his face stepping knee deep in a hole of freezing slush. Duh!. Learn to stay away from deep slush. But we went On and Lifa was soon On leading across Ogden and around the lagoon. I avoided the water this time and by the time we got half way through the park I could see TampOn TampOff and coming up behind me. While the trail weaved a little, we just followed Lifa and soon came out of the park at 12th Pl. and California. There were now a bunch of us and I headed east on 12th and after a block found marks heading north across Roosevelt. Several hounds were already ranging and ahead and now coming back. Another Back Check that worked. I followed Bert's Special Friend and Just Chris to a fence at California where some climbed the fence and Horn-E slid under with the Harriets. A block later and we were at a Check on Taylor. I'm guessing west and naturally trail went east. This is where SnatchSquatch finally rejoined the pack. Two blocks later and we're back at that damn hill for another beer check. I followed Back Door County up the hill and then back down and we headed east again to the next street and a Triple Split. We could see Mommy Strangelove and Barf Fly to the north and followed. This led us back to a Check just before the footbridge we previously crossed. I believe this is where a good portion of the pack Split off to the north over the footbridge thinking that on a live trail you can go back over former trail. We fucked up. Some meanwhile went west and found a Check at California just before the bridge over the Expressway. This led to the Beer Stop in a little park. Meanwhile the rest of us were lost. Horn-E checked to the west and never saw the pack again, running into On Out marks and going over that Check on Jackson all over again. Finally saying, 'I'm done', he walked back to the house and found Chunder Pussy waiting. Meanwhile those other lost hashers stumbled onto the first beer stop that was missed. Then they ran back to the house arriving a few minutes later. And right after that, the real beer stop crowd arrived. The hare waited a little longer at the beer stop before giving up on us. All that was missing was Taste The Rainbow who was still out working the trail. He arrived about 15 minutes later. The pack was now whole. Wild tales were being told. Trail averages were 7+ miles. Chili was being served and a Big Dog Circle was held. All was good and there were many good beers to be had along with cheap down down beer. Then as she left, Foamy Discharge found she had a flat tire. Much thanks to Chunder Pussy for changing her tire. I finally left getting a ride back to the El from R-Tard-E along with Furry Spice.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 10 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was out of Ravens and set by Sandy Syphilis and Foamy Discharge. It rained. Would there be any kind of good marks. Well, the girls gave everyone a lesson on how to lay marks in the rain. Piles of flour or thick strips. Every mark was there and very visible. And they used white flour mostly well placed with snow still everywhere. Well done. Beyond that, it was the usual shitty trail of pavement pounding for about 2.5 & 3 miles. There was a Split to start things, pointing into an alley and everyone went there. Naw. Next mark was at Fullerton heading west where Horn-E and Mudsucker found the mark. Soon we were following the FRBs for a block and then south on Cleveland, past another Split and on south. We then worked our way over to Lincoln and Webster for a Check. The pack was scattered and Horn-E headed south on Geneve Ter. Finding one mark he was soon joined by Just Seth and we found a second and then a third, a Split at Dickens. Just Seth led us west to an alley and south to Armitage. Here was another Check and Just Seth was On to the west and headed south on Howe, one of those reeeal looong blocks that doesn't end. We followed and at the end the trail went through a school yard and I could now see Its Too soft and Mudsucker checking out the mark. As I got there I saw Fire In The Hole up on the next cporner, an obvious quick loop and a short cut. Another Check. Trail was found to the east and we ran on to Larrabe where trail headed south a little and then around north into an alley and to the back door of Sandy Syphilis. Now that is a nice back door. Heading up a big back stairway to the roof for a beer stop on her deck. and we all gathered, including the rest of the pack, Just Mike, Just Daniel, Jizz Limit and SnatchSquatch. But where was the sweep, Foamy Discharge. About five minutes later she finally came up the alley. We're all here and we stayed on the deck in the fresh breeze for two beers, finally joined by three House Puppies, Ice Princess, Barf Fly and Rhotan. Back at the bar we were met by more House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Slippery Fingers, R-Tard-E, Chicken Stifer, Hoosier Daddy and One Fuck Check. Beer started to flow and the circle was started with a ragged tag team of hares that all needed to be retired. Suddenly, just into the circle, Chicken Stifer left with the hash ballots. Huh. I didn't know there was a time limit to vote. And the party ran on and on.
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The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 12 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Cork and Horn-E was the hare. Drinking a beer I waited and suddenly Lifa showed up, followed shortly later by Just Chris and Bert's Special Friend. Well, after a quick chalk talk we headed out for Fat Tuesday Hash, on Lincoln's Birthday. And three out of five Checks were on Lincoln. I'd like to say I planned it that way, but so it turned out.
.....Trail took off to the north through some alleys and they arrived were led to the first Check at Grace by Just Chris. But trail was not that simple and finally they headed east and Just Chris was ON. We went east to Ravenswood and then south and east to a Check at Paulina. By the time I got there I saw Berts Special Friend heading east for a few little loops as they worked their way eventually to the south and another Check at Paulina and Roscoe by the Brown Line. Lifa went south on Paulina, Just Chris had second choice and went south on Lincoln. That left Berts Special Friend to take the next choice and he went east on Roscoe and found trail through some alleys, finally coming out on Ashland, across and then south through some more alleys. He finally missed on a Split and Lifa took the lead and led us to the next Check at the NE corner of Lincoln at Belmont Ashland. Here things finally got screwed up. Somehow Just Chris found marks to the west on Belmont that wasn't supposed to be found yet. All right, the hare tried something and it worked for two out of three. The hare put another Check on the same intersection, but on the opposite corner, SW. But shit happens. Meanwhile, I believe Lifa went east and found trail through some alleys and to the south and went on to follow the whole trail. Bert's Special Friend meanwhile went south on Lincoln and managed to pick up on trail that was to close. Damn hare. He disappeared. What? Horn-E ran south on Ashland to the next Check at Wellington. No one. I believe Lifa was already passed here. I waited for a long time and no Berts Special Friend. Shit. So I ran north towards Belmont and On towards the beer stop to be ready for that. Berts Special Friend finally came up behind me. WTF. So I told him where to pick up on the trail and left him. And he believed the hare. So I ran on and got to the beer stop at Pellys Liquors. There were Lifa and Just Chris peeking in the window of the Treasure Chest. They were about to go in and buy some gags, whips and lube for Valentines day when I arrived. We got some beer and walked the trail backwards finally finding Berts Special Friend on Belmont. So we walked back to the bar on a walking beer stop. Back at the bar we managed to kill three large pitchers before everyone had to leave, holding a relaxed Moon Hash style circle.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 2/7/2013 by Horn-E
.....I'd like to say this was a great hash, but I'm not that good of a liar. But in Chicken Stifer's defense, the conditions were really shitty. Rain all day, turning into snow about 4PM, left ALL side walks full of slush, cross walks at the curb were several inches of water and slush. And snow everywhere. We ran a lot in the streets and leaped over slush at curbs. Marks were almost invisible, even looking right at them with pink flour partly covered with fresh snow and then the snow shovelers wiped out many marks. A tricky trail might have been almost impossible to follow. And even at that, we ran past many marks and not finding anything we returned to find the missed mark, usually a Split.
.....We ran out of Gio's with a six pack of trail hounds, while five House Puppies stayed back in the warmth of the bar. Wankers. We took off to the east and soon had our first struggle with the almost invisible marks, a Split. Finally we were On to the north and a Check. This took a bit of time with even our virgin Just Daniel running everywhere trying to find trail. Finely we heard a whistle to the east and soon we were climbing up to the Metra tracks, just after a train went by. We ran down the tracks and over a bridge and about another block before coming back down to earth. By now I'm falling behind, but I could see the pack heading up to Foster. As I approached Foster, there was another whistle under the tracks and heading north on Ravenswood. This went a block north to the Pedestrian tunnel under the tracks and as I emerged from here, I heard another whistle and we headed west. I was finding it easier to run down the middle of the street with ground down and packed snow while the side walks often were full of slush. After a block trail dipped south to an alley and I saw Just Mary disappear at the end of the block heading south again. So I ran to the next street and down the street again finding Just Mary and O'Shitty Runch running around lost. We finally found a Split as they came out of the alley that they missed. Again down an alley to Damen and another Split. We headed south to Foster and again, I didn't see any marks but everyone was heading west around the school. Trail was found around the back of the school and a Check about a block later. The Check was found by Just Mary and it led to a path through a nature area as we all swept through the park as I followed One Chuck Fuck and Just Brendan. Eventually the pack came out at the SW corner of the park. By the time I got there they were a block west and heading south. So I paralleled for a block and there the pack had lost the trail. But the Chicken Coop was right there and after checking the entrance from the alley, we headed around the other side and finally found marks through a very wet gangway and into the basement where the hare was waiting with a twelve pack of good beers. A little over 2 miles.
.....Back at the bar the litter of House Puppies was growing and even during the circle they arrived until we had a litter of 10 House Puppies out numbering the Trail Hounds of only six. The House Puppies included our GM, Little Trojan Annie, our Religious Advisor, The Dark Kunt, the lame, Snotcho Mama and Slippery Fingers, the teacher correcting exams at the bar, Hooch B4 Cooch who couldn't even spell right (It is yellow not yeller), W Jew 40, Reverse Muff Diver, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Taste The Rainbow, and Roofie Ragu. And The Dark Kunt finally held circle ending with a naming and it was a good one. Just Mary, tell us your sins. The left tit is bigger and her favorite. She had a taxi ride that ended in Whoopie and they made the driver wait until they were finished. Cash Cab, Cunt Cab, Taxi cab transgressions, idle me off, park and watched, are we there yet, back seat bang her, idle tip her, leave the meter on, taxi cab cuntfessions, Taxi Trixie, Taxi Tricks and Meat'er Made. Wow. Some good ones there. Then we heard about how Slippery Fingers and Just Mary were cooking and he cut up the jalepeno peppers. Then later his Slippery Fingers became hot fingers. Whoops. Burning Bush, Burn Rub Her, Some Like It Hot, Burns To The Touch, Hot Box, Flushed With A Hose and finally Horn-E came up with Fire In The Hole. There was a unaminous yeah and we didn't even have to get to the other names. Just Mary, you will forever be known as Fire In The Hole. Congratulations.
.....It was a little after midnight when the last of the pack left and Horn-E headed for the door. Waiting for the bus, twice, just to get a mile and a half didn't sound worth it. So I decided to walk. A block later I headed into the empty streets and jogged all the way home. First time I ever did that, but after a short trail, why not.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2/3/2013 by Horn-E
.....Let's just say this was out of the corner bar at Damen and North since the original bar wasn't open. It was set by W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie and Back Door County. I was arriving late, 2:45 and thought I would have to follow alone and hoped the trail was marked. And they were just setting out the chalk talk marks. There were 17 hounds on trail and we took off to the east on North, And Horn-E streaked to the lead. Actually, he was just closest to the corner when they pointed out the direction. And for a whole block he managed to stay in front. Probably because it was to slippery to pass. But at the corner, Uploader took over the lead. We ran to the north from North for a block to a Triple Split. It was taking a while to find this when we had a call to the north. Under the tracks and into a ball field to Damen where the pack died. Apparently they missed the False. Uploader and Horn-E where already back checking when W Jew 40 came running up to bail out the pack. So we raced back to the Triple Split where Lifa went west, Uploader to the east and Horn-E stood there to blow the horn. Finally Uploader found the trail and was off in an alley and to the north This led to some north, south, north zig zag before heading to the intersection of Cortland and Ashland for a Check. I don't know who found this because I was in the east of Ashland, having followed Chunder Pussy across through the traffic. But trail went over the Metra station and to the west on Armitage. I found myself back with the hare, Back Door County as we followed. Finally catching up to W Jew 40 and Taste The Rainbow, walking. Yes, Taste The Rainbow, walking. that was the first time I ever passed him as we crossed Armitage and ran through an alley before coming back across Armitage and heading south. At an alley, trail went west to a Check at Damen. W Jew 40 pointed out the correct direction thinking the pack was long gone. But suddenly a bunch of them were returning from the north and Taste The Rainbow got a short cut and really started running and left me behind with these back packers, Stab 'em & Slab 'em, Mudsucker and Reverand STFU. At a short cut I found myself running in back and my ankle started acting up. Yeah, walking time. So I followed on through some town houses and finally out to a Check at Milwaukee. Already marked, I followed across the street, under some El tracks and across a long empty field where the pack was seen at the far end by the Bloomingdale Trail for a beer stop. This was about some drinking game with teams representing the two teams in the Super Bowl. Drink a six pack and then set up the empty cans on two tables. Then each team had to try to throw a football at the cans and dump them. Those guys were never in a kick pass punt competition. I'd say they threw like girls, but the girls threw better and they'd kick the shit out of me. But all bad. Finally one team missed the cans and hit the table knocking it over and claiming a win. The next toss actually hit the cans and didn't topple the table. I'd call it a draw, the cheaters were first, but the other team legitamitely hit the cans.
.....From here the pack was off to the south and then east on North. That was the last I saw of them, walking along with W Jew 40 and The Dark Kunt. And as we passed the empty lot where the beer stop was supposed to be, he let us know and we headed straight there. About five minutes later Little Trojan Annie arrivred with a pack of House Puppies and the beer. TampOn TampOff, Just Mary, Slippery Fingers and Snotcho Mama. While waiting for the rest of the pack we listened to The Dark Kunt telling tales from the puke side. A few minutes later the pack started to arrive in groups with Chunder Pussy coming in DFL after the pack and SnatchSquatch coming in the other direction, DFL. Other hounds on trail included Just David, Urine Love, Drill In My Box, Just Preston, Just Seth, Jizz Mayonnaise, and Cunt Putt. After a quick beer and some tennis, we headed over to the home of W Jew 40 for a Super bowl Party and a circle. Circle was led by Taste The Rainbow and the pack really grew as there was over 30 for the party with a huge amount of fans.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 31 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was to be the coldest night of the year. With the hare Glory Hole just returning from a vacation in Mexico and Horn-E the co-hare not being able to get together before the hash, we had to make it up as we went with a rough map, designed to keep the trail mostly within a 3/4 mile by a mile area. Maybe five miles at the most. Apparently we got nailed by a six to seven mile trail. Never trust two mischievous hares with an unplanned trail. Fortunately, once we got running we were mostly dressed well enough to not really being cold. Well, Just Larissa and One Fuck Chuck were complaining about cold hands. And the bearded hounds did accumulate enough ice under their nose from frozen exhaled breath to chill off three six packs. But the trail got set and several hounds said the trail was good, so I know it was a really shitty hash.
.....We took off at 7:30 from the Gallery Caberet after a quick circle and off to the west with a small pack of only eight hounds. Eight? Horn-E gets small trails no matter when he sets a trail. Are they afraid of that old man Horn-E, or was it Old Man Winter, or was it Glory Hole? All right, I'll blame it on Glory Hole. It can't be me. I mean we must have had about five whole degrees when we left. That isn't all that cold.
.....We did head through alleys to the corner of Armitage and Western with about 126 different possibilities for trail. And almost everyone followed Dickens Cider to the north, even though she wasn't On. Meanwhile O'Shitty Runch and Snotcho Mama returned from the south only to be told by the hares that Dickens Cider wasn't On. So they returned to a Triple Split on Milwaukee. O'Shitty Runch headed in the right direction, across Western to a turn south on Western and On. But he missed the turn and kept going to a False north of Armitage on Milwaukee. Ooops. Finally the pack got on and took off to the west and into an alley. Horn-E laid back while sweeping to mark short cuts for O'Shitty Runch. Meanwhile O'Shitty Runch somehow heard the pack on trail (since when do Chicago Area Hashers make enough noise for others to hear and get back on trail). But the pack ran on through an empty lot, some more alleys and came to California for another Check. I got there just as the pack found trail to the south and a T and E Split. And about half took the Eagle Split which led to them squeezing through a fence and then having to climb over a rickety chain link fence, into an alley and then to the south. Meanwhile the Turkeys ran south on California and into an empty lot and then back to the north in the alley, to an almost invisible fence and a Back Check. Gotcha. Upon returning they found trail through a gangway and onto the Eagles Trail. We then ran into an alley to the west and then a quick loop over to North Ave and back into the alley going right back towards the pack coming from the east. Gotcha. Meanwhile Horn-E took a short cut trying to catch up and suddenly Snotcho Mama is the first to emerge from the alley, smiling as he out guessed the hares. We'll get you yet. He ran on towards Humboldt and the sneaking bastard hares latest trick. Trail headed north along the sidewalk for a block and then under Bloomingdale Trail to the parkway. Here we pulled out our flour and went straight South for two blocks with marks on trees. This enabled the whole pack to get back together. At North Ave. we crossed Humboldt Blvd and that damn trail now went right back north on the other parkway with marks on trees. Now the pack was really cussing the hares. At the end, at Bloomingdale Trail, trail went west a block and right back to the south to North Ave. Gotcha. Dickens Cider and One Fuck Chuck arrived first and their was a Check with Humboldt Park lying ahead. There were three trails into the park. Dickens Cider headed onto the left False. One Fuck Chuck headed west on North. Drill In My Box headed east on North. But it was O'Shitty Runch heading southwest into the park that was soon On. This led to a big loop past the lagoon, around a field house and down by the frozen beach. That ice was tempting, but a little creaky with only 24 hours of sub freezing temps. So the trail headed over to Humboldt Parkway along the lagoon and to a four leaf clover crossing over the lagoon and under the boulevard. And somehow the pack missed something and was going all the way around again. But they self righted themselves and ran to a Triple Split at a big parking lot. Now when I got there, the Split was barely visible. I know that drywall we used made good marks in the past. So I'll stand by this until proven wrong. Frozen drywall doesn't make marks as good as warm drywall on a windy night. It is my defense and I'm sticking to it. Anyhow, the pack found trail to the east and along the lagoon until a right turn. This led to an island. Unless we crossed on the ice, it had to be a Back Check and we had another gotcha. We then ran out of the park through some tennis courts and to a Check on California. One Chuck Fuck ran right onto trail to the north, but somehow couldn't see it or find it. East was a False. So suddenly the pack is again following Dickens Cider to the south on a False Trail. Just because she is fast, doesn't mean she is On. Just Checking. Get out and Check yourself. We finally had to give a clue to Snotcho Mama and the pack got back on trail. From here I fell back with Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 and finally W Jew 40 as trail went north, east, north, east through turns and Splits until we crossed Western. Here we ran through an empty lot and into an alley to a street with so many possibilities for a Check, we had to do it. Apparently the FRBs made it through here, as O'Shitty Runch finally crawled into the beer stop at the Corner Bar along with Dickens Cider and One Chuck Fuck. Meanwhile, Horn-E and W Jew 40 come to that Check, Assuming everyone had found the trail, Horn-E marked the On and about three blocks later the rest of the pack, that we somehow passed at that Check, came up behind us. And so we ran on to the Corner Bar. We never made it back to the Gallery Cabaret as we were never gong to get that pack back out into the cold.
.....We had two House Puppies at the start, Slippery Fingers and Just Mary, and they came over to the Beer Stop and got the beer flowing for the pack. One Fuck Chuck started the circle and Little Trojan Annie finally took over. He needs more trailing. Get him a beer. The hares got about six well deserved Down Downs. And during circle we were joined by another whole litter of seven House Puppies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Ice Princess, Frosty Discharge, Taste The Rainbow, Jizz Mayonnaise, Barf Fly and Soul Taco. After the circle the bar had Karaoke and the pack stayed late. It took me three buses to get home and I just missed each one and didn't get home until a frosty, wind blown 3;00AM.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 25 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....The weather was cold and there was a fresh coating of snow on the ground. Perfect for Lower Wackoff's annual winter classic out of Gladstone Inn. Unfortunately, the cold weather or the Fri date kept all the hounds gathered around the fireplace while only one old hound showed up. Filled with memories of past trails on this annual event, Horn-E wouldn't miss it. And it lived up to all that was expected, aided by rainbow chalk, drywall and blue flour in the dark. Horn-E fought that trail for two hours and twenty minutes before we finally returned to the warmth of the bar. And during the whole trail, that nasty old hare just stood there watching this old hound struggling on missed mark after missed mark and some real nasty Checks in the woods. Damn, could Horn-E have used some help there. And when we returned to the bar we met Or G who couldn't make it and we enjoyed some good pizza.
.....It took a while getting used to some of the marks but after a while most of the marks were there. A few Checks and turns and Splits caused some problems, but we made it. Then we hit a park and Horn-E was right on the marks heading into the park and in the middle of the park. But he drifted right a little and missed a mark to the left a little and on a pole. That led to a loop around the park and finding the On In trail. Then getting screwed up on a shadow from a sign that looked like a turn mark. The hare finally came running after Horn-E and rescued that half blind old mutt. From there, things worked sort of okay until Horn-E missed a Triple Split behind Super Dog. This soon had Horn-E heading into the woods and the first killer Check in a shelter. And there the hare stood while Horn-E worked that Check. First a False on a paved path. Then looping back towards the sledding hill, checking shadows everywhere that looked like blue flour in the dark and finally veering back to the shelter at the base of the hill with so much chewed up snow do to evening sledders. And Here, Horn-E was almost on the true trail. Damn, the hare. So he now headed west and north and found a mark on a tree and only one set of footprints in the snow. Yeah, sure. Soon there were other footprints and Horn-E could never find another mark, even going to the river where there were footprints going across the river. There were several False trails in this direction, but Horn-E could only find that one mark. Finally the hare showed a little mercy and pointed out the correct trail. Good, we're now On again and heading into woods and soon we hit a parking lot and that damn hare had five trails going off of that Check. Down a path, return, towards the log pile, around the piles of gravel, into shiggy, along the river, finally heading south Horn-E spots footprints going to the east. One mark, Two marks, dead end. Damn. The footprints ended. And this was the correct trail. That damn hare was one smart son of a hare. He looped back then around and placed a mark entering the woods at a trail. Damn, just the kind of dirty trick I would have done. And with five hounds helping, we'd have gotten through both of these Checks with some difficulty, but through them. Again, the hare had to bail out the hound. From here we were on paths in the woods and came to a Split. Right, wrong, right again. Now Horn-E is following marks on trees and a single set of footprints. Then the footprints disappear. What? What the hell? Finally the footprints were found veering off the path and eventually back to the path. From here it was a short distance to the bridge and the beer stop. PBR and a beautiful winter wonderland scene looking over the semi frozen river and the snow covered woods drifting off in the distance. Worth the trials of the trail. From here we headed on back with little trouble and finally got into the warmth of the bar where a birthday party was in progress and the bar was crowded. Good time.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 27 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was Lifa and Stab 'em & Slab 'em's annual winter snow run from her house in Hyde Park Area. And we had snow with freezing rain on the way. It took me an hour and forty-five minutes to get there, just as they were in the middle of chalk talk. Nice crowd for the upcoming bad weather. We took off to the north following Dickens Cider. Trail went north of the school and across 65th St. So far it was open field and alleys and it would continue like that as I tried to catch the front of the pack. Yeah, sure. I passed Reverend STFU and he was running without socks. And they wanted to give a down down to those of us in work socks. At least we could afford them. But the pack ran on heading in the general direction of 60th and Cottage Grove where we entered Washington Park. The pack was heading behind a monument and there was a Shot Stop. Well, Horn-E doesn't do shots and wanted to keep going so he headed west and found a mark on a trail heading over a little bridge. He never saw another mark, but being on the SE corner of this huge park, the trail had to go into the park. Right? Wrong. But he crossed another bridge onto an island and found the center of the island had a gate locked. Screw that. The lagoon is forzen. We should be running on this stuff. So he crossed around the end of the fence and crossed the island only to find a locked gate. Back onto the frozen ice and in the distance, on Cottage Grove he could see the last of the pack, Mudsucker being dragged by a dog, heading into the University of Chicago Campus. But we have this beautiful park to run. Well, forget that. So he ran out of the park and arrived at Cottage Grove just in time to see hounds heading east through the campus. Horn-E passed a hospital where there were cops everywhere. The paper the next morning said it was about a bunch of protesters demanding that this particular hospital take care of adults in their trauma center. But meanwhiile, Horn-E ran on trying to catch the pack. I could see hounds heading north a few blocks down. When I got there they were in confusion having missed a turn somewhere. O'Shitty Runch, W Jew 40 and others. Finally we were called On by the sweep, Reverand STFU and we headed into the campus Square for a Check. I ran east passed Mudsucker and EZ On The Ass and got to the end only to see some hashers heading south. I finally got back on trail on the Midway Plaisance where I saw a bunch of hounds heading further south. But the trail headed into a low spot and then across the road and straioght east along a path. Finally the trail went between some buildings and there was the beer stop up ahead just were 61st St ends in a little curve, Why there? There was this tiny little awning that sheltered about four hounds from the steady freezing rain. From here it was a long mile or so walk back to the house.
.....We went into the basement for a circle and Happy Ass Grabber led it. Yeah, with his pants down again. And again and again. The hares got their share of down downs and we met our virgin Just Welder from Brazil. He was the first hairy Brazilian most had ever seen. We also had a bunch of other trail hounds including The Dark Kunt, TampOn TampOff, Just Mike, Its Too Soft, Chippendale who spent most of the trail being dragged along by a dog, Just Do Me Slowly, Bloody Thighs, Special Head, Just Dan, Just Ted and Coxswain Cocks Out with her kids and dogs. We had one house puppy who would rather go around kicking balls and giving headers then hashing with us, Frosty Discharge.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 17 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was laid out of Manhattan's by Clark Kunt and Sandy Syphilis. We had 15 trail hounds at the start and three ran up at the last minute. 18 hounds on a live trail. Trail went past the jail where those prisoners escaped, but no dangling bed sheets this time. At Chalk we had a Check and everyone was North, South, and West. Naturally the trail went east into a parking garage and out on Dearborn heading north to a Split on Jackson and again we headed east following TampOn TampOff to another Split on State. I followed Bert's Special Friend to the north so naturally the trail went east and into the park on a south west course and over a footbridge to a SSN and a SS behind a monument. That allowed Bert's Special Friend, Snotcho Mama and Horn-E to catch the pack. Next was a Check on Columbus and some of the pack were seen going towards Buckingham fountain, but there were only two marks. Trail did go north in Grant Park to a SS at the band shell. Finally Horn-E headed north and found trail as Just Ernie and Roofie Ragu ran on by with trail heading down a ramp to a bathroom and back up the other side where Horn-E was already short cutting and he spotted the mark heading north. At Monroe was another Split but Just Chris was already On trail and heading east and down steps towards the parking garage entrance and back up to street level to a False. That would say go back to Split and so Horn-E headed across the street and headed east from the last Split. But there was nothing. So Horn-E again crossed the street and started to go up stairs to another section of park when he looked down and saw a mark. That was ON, but the logic of how it got there and we were supposed to find it is beyond me. But we were On and it led into the lower lever parking garage and another Split. Just Chris was right behind Horn-E ahead he ended up on the right trail, but after a loop Horn-E led a small pack of five to the north. After another Split, the pack found another SS. Here Horn-E, who doesn't do shots, ran On and found trail going north and out of the garage. Trail went north of Randolph and Columbus and then to the east on the upper level and to a T and E Split. Taking the E, trail went over to some swooping stairways to ground lever and into Lake Shore East Park and a Check. Sweeping through the park Horn-E was only on one, but the pack was closing and Roofie Ragu found trail on the north edge of the park heading east and out of the area, Running through the park and grass I came to some thorn bushes. I got one good long scrape and about a dozen little punctures. I wasn't the only one. Running out of here we crossed under the Outer Drive and headed south to another SS. Horn-E headed along a path to the north looking for marks. Nothing. Finally the pack of about four headed south and lower level Randolph and found marks. This led to a Split by a stairway and we searched for ever around here before finding the On mark, straight east. I understand the hares were caught around here. Never saw them. We finally came to a stairway and trail went up to the upper lever of Randolph. Just Chris was seen leading the pack across Randolph and eventually into Millennium Park, west of the band shell. This trail came out by the Bean and Just Chris again found trail and a Check. We headed south and Horn-E headed over towards Michigan Ave. And there was a Split. Across the street was another mark and Horn-E blindly, 'get that old bastard some night vision goggles,' past a turn and into an alley. Meanwhile Horn-E runs around the entire block before getting back behind the pack. Through the alley and there is a Triple split. And everyone is standing around waiting for someone to find the trail for them. And Horn-E runs across the street and finds it, through another parking garage. At the end Snotcho Mama takes the lead and leads towards Wabash for a Split. Horn-E picks wrong and heads south with no marks. At the next corner he heads west on Jackson and finds himself behind Chippendalee as we run On to Plymouth Ct and a Split. From here there was a Check to the south at Congress and the BN was at the condo of Ice Princess on his roof. And eventually the whole pack made it there, grabbed a quick beer, and a few then hid from the cold in the stairwell. Here Barf Fly dropped her beer and was seen wiping all of those hops and hopping thing from the inside of her thighs. It's only beer.
.....re only here a short time and we walked back to the bar where there was a whole lot of House Puppies waiting for us, including Hoosier Daddy, Chunder Pussy, Calvin Klein, Odor Eater, bring his nasty pussy back to Rotton, Hood Whorenament, Two girls One Cupcake, Mommy Srangelove, SnatchSquatch and Gaping Panda Hidden Homo. Little Trojan Annie got the beer flowing with six pitchers at once and kept it flowing until the money ran out. Two Girls One Cupcake and Drill In My Box played beer wenches. We had one virgin, a friend of Bert's Special Friend, Just Ray. Welcome to hashing. Now lets name him Bert. The Dark Kunt ran circle and Chippendale took up a collection and made a pizza run. And when the pizza and beer ran out, the pack ran on. Good time and a fun trail. Damn I hate to admit that where the hares might read it. They'll start to get swelled heads. Other hounds on trail included One Fuck Chuck, Jizz Mayonnaise, Back Door County, Glitter Spitter, Ginger Snatch, Frosty Discharge, Just Brendan and Ice Princess.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 14 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
x
.....We had a small turnout of three hounds after a long weekend of hashing. Trail was out of Dino's and Horn-E was the hare. The hounds were raring to go but the hare was moving slow after this weekend of hashing. We headed west and into an alley and then our first Split. Cunt Put was off and running and Lower Wackoff and Snotcho Momma were dragging behind. Back and forth across Devon until we came to Ridge and a Check. Cunt Put stops to take pictures, damn tourist, and Lower Wackoff heads off to the north and On trail. Snotcho Momma stood there trying to stretch out his shins. He isn't going to last. They did a short loop through some neighborhoods to the north of Devon with one Check and numerous Splits as the hare walked parallel on Devon keeping check on the hounds. Finally they returned to Devon for a Check. From here we went into some real shiggy in the city. All right, it was short, but it was shiggy. Then we headed to the south with Snotcho Momma giving in to his aching shins and walking with the worn out hare. The other two hounds managed to walk and run through loops, Splits and Checks as we kept them in sight. As we approached Ridge we lost track of Lower Wackoff. WTF. Meanwhile Cunt Put also was ready to drop out. Trying to run in the cold was causing issues with his recent dental issues and his jaw was throbbing. So Lower Wackoff is on his own and we have no idea where he is. At Ridge we had a Check and thinking Lower Wackoff is ahead, we move quickly through this Check so as to catch him. As we are leaving the area, we spot him coming up behind us. WTF. Apparently he needed some relief and all I can suggest is don't go to Dunkin' Donuts for some lemonade. So now we run on and Lower Wackoff takes a lead and runs to Horn-E's apartment looking for a beer stop. Not tonight folks. A phony NOT Beer Stop mark was found and we went on, again thinking Lower Wackoff is ahead and the lame hare is walking along with the lame and disabled. We crossed Clark heading east and wandered a few streets before Horn-E gave a lead to the lame and disabled and went to mark a Check for the hare. Then he couldn't find the lame and disabled. WTF. Somehow in searching for them, Lower Wackoff again came up from behind and was now leading the others on a trail to the east with a lot of Splits. And the hare finally caught them in time to enter an alley where Caught Red Headed was waiting with a surprise beer stop in the alley behind his condo. From here we headed back and lost Snotcho Mama who went straight home to nurse and ice his strained shins. Back at the bar we had an abbreviated circle as Cunt Put had to get going with a 90 minute drive ahead. That left Lower Wackoff and Horn-E guzzling some good Amber Bock beer and watching the bartender shot pool. Hey, she was better then some fucking sports. That would be some good sport.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog 8 Beer Stop Hash 1/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....Set by Two Hairnets and Horn-E out of Catherine Chevalier Woods. We started out with 20 pounds of flour and 36 beers including 312, PBR and Coors. We were off on trail about 10:15 for three hours of working our mystery or fucking up this course. Well, some of each. Trail started out with a quick loop into the woods and back out to some grassy parkland. The pack was stretched out and somehow not following marks and no one seemed to see the first Check. We did point it out to Gas Stop Bob to prove it was there. But what got the pack was seeing marks on trees that were False trail marks off of the Check. Especially SnatchSquatch. Where was he going? Anyway, they did manage to get back on trail past a shelter and into some narrow spider trails behind it and into the woods. And a Split and a Four Way Split slowed down the FRBs and we regrouped. This led to a E/W path and an immediate turn south on a narrow path that is surrounded by thorny bushes everywhere. Because Gas Stop Bob is a walker I gave him a short cut to the third Check. We did have several Splits along here, but we mostly stayed on the same path until near the end. This was a short loop to the south and back north to a Check. By the time I got there while sweeping, the On call was heard to the West on a path. And off they ran. Gotcha. False. Lifa was soon on trail to the north and after a split trail he ran on to the next Check with the pack following. This was at the long E/W road into the woods to the river. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob already checked out a looong False to under the Expressway. And seeing the whole pack heading his way, he slipped into the woods and let them go right on by to the False. Sneaky bastard. And several hounds including SnatchSquatch and Furry Spice and ??? headed over to the river at the last split before the check and actually walked backwards on the real trail. Love it. Gotcha. So finally everyone returns to the Check. Lifa is off in the woods going who knows where. Bert's Special Friend heads east on the main path. Hey, its another False. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob is now heading south along the river and on the real trail. This headed along this path and a quick fourth Check that had a False previously found from the other direction on the second Check. Gotcha. And on we go as I finally pass Gas Stop Bob and that left SnatchSquatch and Just Chris walking alone in the back. R-Tard-E was ranging on the main path to the east and Ice Princess was also missing. Finally we head inland and into the woods. after a bit we came to the first Beer Stop and I saw Glory Hole walking along with a beer. First. Further on into the woods we came to some flooded wetlands and there was the Second B. And the beer was on a log over the water. Or G got there first, but no one could find the beer. Finally R-Tard-E finds it and talks Happy Ass Grabber into going out on the log for the beer. Well, rather then falling in, he finally just stepped into the water and got the beer. But, On goes the pack and I follow. We now get to an elevated wide bike path going south and finally back into the woods. I paralleled south on the path and eventually the trail crosses the side path and to the rivers edge for Beer Stop Three. And there was Barf Fly leaning against a tree leaning over the river drinking a 312. She was joined by Ass Capades and EZ On The Ass and they all looked as casual as possible drinking beer along the river like it was a sunny summer day. On trail was now back to the east on a wide path, and most of the pack came back from a False to the south and eventually into the woods they went and now heading south again. This finally led to an illegal fire pit in the woods and Beer Stop Four. And here is Lifa(?) and Ice Princess(?) for the last ten minutes, finding nothing. R-Tard-E runs up, yeah that R-Tard-E, and spots the beer right away. By the time I get there, SnatchSquatch is already heading east looking for trail. Yeah, he is On, but him and a bunch of hounds miss a turn and finally return and headed Northeast through thick woods and into an open field. Often wet lands here, the brush is in little mounds. They had burned out the weeds here in a normal procedure of controlled burning of prairie lands. This leads to real treacherous running. And right in the middle of the field in a thicket of skinny trees is the Fifth Beer Stop and Just Eh managed to crawl into the thicket and retrieve the beer before I even got there. And already, three of the drinkers are gone looking for the next beer stop. And they all ran right on by it. It was a bit off of a straight course and hounds saw the next marks off of the Check and just ran right on by. They didn't know they missed it until they found the Seventh Beer Stop. Meanwhile Two Hairnets and Horn-E managed to call back a bunch of hounds and they searched the area for the beer. And searched and searched. Finally I look at O'Shitty Runch and his eyes light up like a teenager at his first Gentleman's Club visit. And where was this beer? About fifteen feet up this old white dead tree. So he climbed up the tree and passed it down to the waiting Or G. Just Do Me Slowly swooped in for a beer. Along came Ass Capades and Barf Fly pulling up the rear of the pack and Gas Stop Bob also got one. I then ran on to find the FRBs. They were already gone from the Seventh Beer Stop in a thicket of skinny trees that you can barely get through. So I ran on and found a large pack of hounds around the Eight Beer Stop. And that was the most fun beer stop of all. While walking in a dry stream bed, looking for a spot to hide the beer, Two Hairnets looked under these two logs and saw an animal. Horn-E went around and there was a possum. Poking it with a stick confirmed it wasn't playing possum. RIP. So we put the beers between these two logs and right at the snout of the possum. Apparently there was a lot of fun as various hounds arrived and looked for the beer. Someone grabbed the bag and it split and all of the beers fell onto the dead possum. Want a fresh cold beer? They all managed to get one, One Chuck Fuck, TampOn TampOff, Drill In My Box, Furry Spice, finally Bert's Special Friend, Ice Princess again and many others between seven and eight. We finally all gathered and headed on in to the finish.
..... Here we got more beer for a circle and went looking for this fort in the woods. Apparently the tree police removed it as we couldn't find it. So we just settled into the woods for a good Big Dog circle. Ice Princess and R-Tard-E were called out for being greedy and getting four beers. And what was that about Ice Princess upchucking? Never mind. We were havinv so much fun that even the deers were joining us. When the beer was gone, we headed out to the On On On. Damn, about time. I was getting damn cold.
.....On On On was at Gladstone Inn on N. Milwaukee where the bartender gave us many free pitchers and we ordered some pizza and some just went next store for good sandwiches. We were eventually joined by Bloody Thighs who gave me a much needed ride home after we ran out of beer money.
x
The Tale of the Trail
The IHOP Hash, 1/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....Yes, IHOP. We met there among the usual Sunday afternoon crowd. A few of us got something to eat, Drill In My Box, Barf Fly, Horn-E, Snotcho Mama and Hoosier Daddy. Then the hares, Caught Red Headed and The Dark Kunt arrived. We held a circle in the parking lot and were soon off to the north. All right, they tried a loop and a Split, but it was about four blocks north and then through a parking lot towards the lake. Looks like they went through some building but I followed a few over the top and we were soon heading along Lake Shore Drive to the south. At Irving Park they headed under LSD and to a T and E Split. By now I was behind due to my ankle acting up and not warming up well. I heard that Its Too Soft waited until everyone was out of sight before picking the Turkey Trail. Meanwhile I missed it and just headed south along the path. Then I saw the pack heading north through the golf course. Short Cut. Yeah, sure. Over a chain link fence. And it had just enough early freezing rain to make it to slick to climb. But I persevered and finally found a log, cut off in the fence, and was able to get over it. Running towards the pack they were running around in confusion. Apparently there was a Check and a Split. Not sure what they were On, but finally someone called On to the north and we ran on through the golf course and eventually climbed out over a part of the fence broken down. We now head north towards Irving Park on the jogging path. Trail went under a bridge and was supposed to go over towards the lake for a Shot Stop. But the pack seemed to be scattered everywhere. Some went over Mount Montrose and some around and some towards the lake. Eventually all I saw went towards the lake under a bridge. I headed that way and under the bridge I saw a mark. Looking back, there was two obvious marks on trees, but everyone was running the other way and missed those. And somehow SnatchSquatch and Its Too Soft went by the shot stop. Or so they claim, but The Dark Kunt didn't call out. She claims she did. I call bull shit somewhere between those stories. Meanwhile Horn-E is following those three marks up Mount Montrose and there is a Check on the top. Heading north there is one, two and finally three marks at the bottom, a Three Way. Heading north again there is another Three Way in the road. Looking back the whole pack is now following. Heading north again didn't work and the trail was found to the west. This went on for several blocks until Clarendon. We then went north several blocks to Leland and and west to a Beer Check. We walked over to this little park and had our beer, 312. and some lite stuff. And they brought out about three bottles of hooch that wasn't used at the shot stop. From here we walked back to the On In at the Spot.
.....In the bar were two House Puppies, EZ On The Ass and Chicken Stifer and we soon had three more House Puppies, Ginger Snatch and Ice Princess. And Barf Fly was there at the start, but didn't run and somehow made it to the finish. Hmmm, riding with the Dark Kunt. No wonder they didn't see the hounds go by the shot stop. The other Trail Hounds were Just Seth, One Fuck Chuck, Cunt Putt, Lifa, and Jizz Mayonnaise.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 1/10/2013 by Horn-E
.....This was out of Time Out Sports Bar and we had three hares, Urine Love, The Dark Kunt and Ass You Wish. And at least one of them sweeping might have saved the trail for Horn-E and Glory Hole, but more of that later. We had 23 hounds on trail and it was raining more and more as the trail went on. But that didn't stop the pack. We took off to the south and then east and finally under the El tracks. Rumor was that TampOn TampOff was scared by some dirty rat along here. I mean the four legged kind. Doesn't he feed them to his snakes. But trail headed south in an alley and finally over to a parallel street. We had our first Check at Sunnyside and it wasn't sunny at all. This Check really baffled the pack for quite a while. We were scattered in all directions and starting to get into serious ranging. Finally I followed a bunch of hounds down an alley and at Artesian, Little Trojan Annie said she thought she heard a whistle in the direction of those hounds. I went that way and that was my doom. They were out of sight and so I assumed they had to go into a gangway and across Western to the park there. So I searched that area and a bit around the park. Nothing. Coming back to the Check, I saw what appeared to be a mark pointing back on the original trail, but on the other side of the street. Normally we consider both sides of the street as separate trails. That being said, there should have been a turn mark pointing north on the west side of the street. At least, that is how I mark them. So, now I'm On, but the pack is long gone. At the next alley the trail headed west and a Split at the T. I went straight and wrong. Returning I headed south in the alley and through a gangway and came out on Campbell. There is this big natural garden there and perfect for trail, but no marks entering. So I return and finally find a Triple Split in the grass next to a parked car in red flour. Now that was easy to spot, especially since they did have some white flour. Anyhow I head south and around the park and there is a mark coming out of the garden. Across the street is a turn arrow and nothing for a block and a half. Returning I find a mark in the shadows, but nothing until I crossed the next street, over a block without a mark. And that was a Split. Heading south, another block and a half before a mark, another Split. This must have been where the hares were walking and talking and forgetting to mark trail on a rainy night when it is already hard to find marks. A curse of three vampires on the hares. Finally I found a mark crossing the river at Montrose and there is a hound running my way, Glory Hole. He also had been way off course when the trail was found, and over on Lincoln. Yes, way over there. But we were finally not alone and so we headed on. There was a turn mark to the south into Horner Park. And we saw another mark on a tree. About 2 hours later we finally saw another mark coming out of the park on California, a Triple Split. What happened in between? Well, somehow we missed a turn mark in the park, heading west. Was this in Red Flour in the grass where it would be practically invisible? Who knows. We didn't, that's for sure. We kept going and looking at light spots on trees that turned out to be just light colored bark. We finally got to Irving Park. Nothing. We ranged on both sides of Irving Park heading west and Glory Hole found a mark on a tree, but nothing after that. At California we headed north and Glory Hole found another mark on a tree. This was just paint. (?) So we ran on to the north. There is a time when hashers that are so far behind and off trail might and often do say, 'fugetaboutit.' We were a block from there when we found a real Triple Split. From here it was just a relatively easy trail north with a few back and forths before we got to Argyle and the river and found the last of the pack at a beer stop in a park. From here it was a simple west and south trail back to the bar as the rain was really starting to come down. I managed to run the last bit with One Fuck Chuck as we headed on in.
.....Back in the warmth of a dry bar we found a huge pack of eleven House Puppies including Just Eh, Slippery Fingers, Wang Chunks, Ass Capades, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Its Too soft, Salty Gash, Back Door County, Ginger Snatch, Just Grace and Tell It To My Nipples. That made a total of 37 hounds for a real lively party. But back to the trail hounds. The Dark Kunt called circle together and the hares got a few down downs, no way near what they deserved. Little Trojan Annie was called out for her birthday and we couldn't forget that it was also the birthday of that wonderful woman who introduced so many women into how to please a man, Linda Lovelace. And thanks to the flashs and I don't mean the flash from W Jew 40's camera. And we had two virgins to introduce, Just Geoff and Just Robert. Welcome to hashing. And for all the rest of those soaked hounds that I mostly didn't see on trail, Chunder Pussy, Reverse Muff Diver, Furry Spice, Just Julia, Bloody Brown Castle, W Jew 40, Jizz Mayonnaise, Roffie Ragu, Happy ass Grabber, EZ On The Ass, Chippendale, Just Mary, Ass 2 Mouth, Caught Red Headed, Drill In My Box and Just Brendan.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
1/6/2012 Just a short little tale by Horn-E
.....There was just a little trail by the fabulous four justs, Just Jay, Just Ernie, Just Chris and Just Nick from the Drum and Monkey with a little assist from Lifa who just walked along and played momma just. All right, the overall trail was okay. But just okay. And there were just four stops along the way with just a little hot cider, just a little hot Sake, just a little spiked hot Chocolate and just a little ham and Rye. Just to much for me as I just waited for a beer at the last stop. That was just to many stops for me, but the justs were having a ball and I was just about the only one who just wanted to run. Just not to fast for this old man who is just a little to old for all this.
.....So, what happened? There was just 18 hounds as we took off on trail. We took off to the west and then north to Roosevelt and a Check. Trail was found to the east and after a quick loop that was just a half a block we headed north. But this was just a short distance and we again headed east, for just a few blocks. Trail now veered to the south for just a short block or so and a Back Check across Roosevelt in a parking lot. This slowed down the pack for just a little bit as Dickens Cider emerged back on Roosevelt and headed to the east. Horn-E followed, but just to the next intersection where there was a Check. Horn-E headed south for just a block or so before finding the third arrow. But he led for just a short distance as TampOn TampOff took the lead and headed west on Taylor. But again this was just a short distance and a Split and just a short loop before heading south for just a block. We then looped around a small park and then headed west again for a short block. From here we just had a little loop before we came to just the first stop.
..... It was supposed to be a grab and go, so I just went. The trail headed south for just a few blocks before heading across the Expressway for a five way Split. Well, I headed out on the middle one and I just checked two before I saw the following pack with Dickens Cider following the trail I took and Chippendale heading west and just a short time later he called On. We just went two blocks to the west before heading north. From here I would like to say we just went two blocks north but it was three. And there was a Check with many possibilities. But it was just a short wait as trail was found to the east for a just a block and then south for two blocks. Here was this park and just a short distance later we were at the second stop. And since this was a Sake stop, Just Do Me Slowly was getting just a bit stoned.
.....But it was just another short stop and we didn't even wait for the DFLs. But there were just three of them. We then took off on a Turkey Eagle Split. Us Turkeys were led by Mommy Strangelove who ran just a short distance before deciding to just play for a while in a playground. And most of the rest of the Turkeys followed her. It was just Horn-E who headed south and found trail and led us to the south for just a short spell before Mommy Strangelove passed him. But there was a Split and after just a short distance to the east, Horn-E found trail. It was just a small pack and Horn-E managed to stay in front for several blocks finally going into a Target parking lot for just a short bit and at the other end Snotcho Momma finally joined him. We headed on to the east and finally after a just a short distance there was another Split. Horn-E saw a bridge and headed that way for just a short distance before spotting a Back Check. So he followed for just a short block before coming to the next block and another bridge across the Expressway. It was just a short distance on this path before Chippendale came running along from the Eagle trail. But with his speed, it was a short time before he was out of sight and passing the leaders of the Turkey pack. Just a short time later we ran through the northeast corner of Circle Campus and crossed the street for just another stop under some trees.
.....Just a short time later we were off to the south following Dickens Cider. We then headed into the campus through a building for just a bit and came out in the campus. About then, trail went north for just a short distance and Just Nick was seen coming my way and saying we should go west and several of us did for just a short bit. Meanwhile I heard Mommy Strangelove yelling On with the rest of the pack. We that were off course took just a little loop around a building and by the time I got there, they were disappearing down a side street to the west. Just a short distance so I followed, but there just wasn't any marks to follow. Just where did they go? So I headed west for just a short block. No one still in sight. So I figured that they had followed the rest of the pack on a parallel course for a short bit and then joined the pack. So I went just a short block to the south before finding trail. Then along came Lifa, the sweep. So we just teamed up and followed the trail to just another stop in an alley behind Just Jays house. This was just to much and I needed a beer. Just a short time later the DFLs came on in, Just Jeff walking along with SnatchSquatch, Cunt Putt and Hoosier Daddy. After just a short time I was ready to head back and I headed out for just a short walk back with Uploader.
.....Just a short time later we were all back in the bar and headed to the back room for just a little bit of circle time. And we just called out the four justs, just time after time. And they deserved it. Then after just a short bit we reconvened the circle and Just Ernie and Just Jay were called out for just a short question and answer bit and then just sent off to the front of the bar. I'm not sure, but I believe it was Berts Special Friend for Just Ernie and Just Jay was something like Spider In Spider Out. I just had no idea why, but it is just going to have to do until they just can't stand their names and we just rename them. For the record, there were three other Justs present, Just Paul and Just Mike on their second trails and Just Steve, the house puppy with the camera who just joined us at the last stop. All I can say is that there were just to many justs today. Just don't ask me to count them.
.....Other hounds on trail included One Fuck Chuck, Taste The Rainbow, and Six Degrees Of Penetration from Nittiny Valley. The other house puppies included Drill In My Box, Its Too Soft, Rotton and R-Tard-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 12/29/2012 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Just Chris out of his apartment in Chinatown and we never saw Chinatown. We had five hounds on this windy cold night. So windy, the hare went out again to relay, if necessary, the part of the trail that was in flour. So we finally got going, fifteen minutes later. We ran out of their complex of town houses. From here we headed west and south and into an industrial area. After a Check or two, it was getting obvious where we stood. Hooch B4 Cooch was leading, Just Nick in second and Just Ernie and his friend from Houston, Just Andrew running in tandem. Picking up the distant rear was that old fart, Horn-E. We got over to Halsted and south of Archer heading south and into Mount Trashmore park. Here I really fell behind as I was in the wrong direction at a Check. We ran through the park and out to the west. I saw then disappearing through an empty lot as I climbed a fence. But I was right behind them as this trail was as well marked as the last trail in Chicago wasn't. So well marked that at Splits, we could just look and see the next mark. And I barely kept them in sight as we finally approached a little park where the hare was waiting with a shot stop. And a few beers. The shot was supposed to be a premixed Eggnog thing. Well, it was mostly frozen and Just Ernie finally coaxed some out of the bottle. Like slow moving pudding with a kick. After this we headed on to the south and finally turned back towards the north and east. At Halsted I was still with the pack. About three blocks later they were gone as I followed the trail on to the beer stop that wasn't. The bar was closed. So we marked for the hare that we were there and headed back to the apartment, arriving just before the hare with more beer. We decided to muster up our circle in the tiny kitchen and we were joined by various room mates and friends until we had ten at one point. As for the circle, it was fun as everyone got into the idea of accusations. But as for songs, I was about the only one who really knew many. But we got through it and finally settled into a drink or two. When Hooch B4 Cooch said he was leaving, I gratefully took a ride to the north side rather then walk back to the Red Line and freeze on the platform. Fun night
x
Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 1/3/2013 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Moe's, with four hares. Yes, four. EZ On The Ass, W Jew 40, 10 Dix With Wings and Riot Me This Riot Me That. As best as I can figure it out, we had 19 trail hounds for this shitty trail. And we had 14 House Puppies. Fourteen? This is a hash. Then we get off to a real late start, 7:54. What else would go wrong? Then we had an On In trail to close to an On Out trail. That led to about five hounds who were at the beer stop in about ten minutes and didn't leave. At least the hares kept two six packs of good beers for us that did the trail. So, how did it go? We took off to the north and around the corner and into some angled neighborhood streets. After a Split we came to our first Check at the head of an alley. Someone was yelling On right away, and it looked like he yelled On with only one mark. But that was the trail. And we ran on to the north and across Belmont to another Check at an alley. I was in back with the two sweep hares at that point and as we got to the Check, On was called and the pack was off streaking east in the alley. 10 Dix With Wings started to put down an arrow at the Check when Riot Me This Riot Me That stopped her. "Are they On?" "I wouldn't go that way" Hmmm. So I head west and I'm on two at the next alley and at a Split. Naturally I picked wrong and I could see the pack returning to the Check. Someone was calling On with only one mark, twice now. Well, I took the wrong direction at the split and they were On to the west. So I went in a parallel course and sure enough, the pack came my way and this lucky bastard was now in the top five with Ass You Wish, Roofie Ragu, Bloody Brown Castle, etc. At another Split, the trail went south towards Belmont. Now here is the screw up and again, someone was calling On when they weren't. WTF. There was a turn west at the alley and just as I got there, someone yelled On going east on Belmont. And there was a really big arrow there. So I follow and sure enough, after two blocks, Dickens Cider is returning telling me there are no more marks. So I head to that turn into the alley and sure enough I am On. I blew the horn, but no one was following. Here is where a bunch left the trail and found marks across the street that led right to the Beer Stop. I run on and finally come to a play park with a high fence. As I go around I run into Foamy Discharge and she informs me that there was a Check in the middle of the play lot. Apparently there were several hashers that didn't fall for that last bad call. So, anyway, I head for an alley and see Just Chris along here, also looking. At the end of the alley I loop to the north and find marks and I'm On and blowing my horn for those behind me. Again I pick a wrong turn at a Split and I get back to the trail just ahead of Bloody Brown Castle. But we are at another Check. Then we spot Dickens Cider yelling On. Or so I thought. By the time we circle back to Milwaukee I am now behind all I can see. And in front of me is Little Trojan Annie, The Dark Kunt and Back Door County. From here the trail went back and forth across Milwaukee and into a parallel alley and back out again. The next time they did that, I stayed on Milwaukee and figured they would return to Milwaukee. Ooops. Was I wrong. They were running off to a Shot Stop. Fortunately I don't do the shot stops, Malort. Unfortunately, I'm on a real long block that finally ends at Addison. And no one came my way, so I have to head east to find the pack and trail. Well, I never did find the pack, but I did find trail. Apparently, after the shot stop, the trail came my way. All I knew is I'm on trail. There is no obligation to wait for the pack to arrive. Hell, they might never even find that part of the trail. So I run on, alone. A lone hound on a trail to who knows where. Trail did go west on Addison and under some tracks to a Triple Split at a park. I managed to pick right, left, and ran on to a Check in the park. Here I picked right and ran to the ball field for a Triple Split. I think that whatever direction I picked, I would have been On because I finally came to a mark showing three trails merging. From here trail went east and at the tracks, trail actually headed up to the tracks. Couldn't see any marks here so I looked over the edge and those bastard hares took the trail right back down. Okay, keep heading east. Much later I heard a Metra Train blowing it's whistle. Apparently that was the pack following me. Little Trojan Annie was going over the tracks when she spotted the train coming. She got down quickly and warned the following pack to not go over. That didn't stop Just Shawn, but that damn train engineer wasn't stopping either and let his horn speak for him. Anyway, I digress. I ran on through a series of left and right shit and a Check or two with some Splits thrown in to slow down this old fart. I finally crossed Belmont heading south and to a Check at a parking lot and school. Picking left, right, I was again On and climbing a fence by a health club. Coming out at Pulaski I picked straight, right at another Split and came out in some slanted streets. I only made one mistake here, at a Check. I went through some gangways and came out on Belmont before finding trail. Now I'm heading east on Belmont and come to Milwaukee. Another arrow pointing to who knows what. There were a lot of those all trail, going from chalk to flour making it hard to follow. But I finally find the trail and head east. At the next Split I picked wrong and as I go around the block and return to Belmont, I could hear the baying of the trailing hounds. Are they following the scent of the hare or this old hound. But two quick arrows and I'm heading down the alley by Soul Taco's house and there are W Jew 40 and EZ On The Ass waiting with good beers for the hounds that did the whole trail. And just as I open one, the rest of the pack comes running on in. If I got this right, it was Just Shawn, Just Mark, Just Aza, Just Ted, Just Chris, The Dark Kunt, Back Door County, Little Trojan Annie, Dickens Cider, Roofie Ragu, Bloody Brown Castle, Foamy Discharge, and finally Chunder Pussy. Those that missed most of the trail, again if I got it right, were Hoosier Daddy, Drill In My Box, Just Caroline, Soul Taco, and Just Jay, I hope I got that right,
.....Back at the bar we moved tables and made a section in the back of the bar for our circle and The Dark Kunt got it going. It was a good circle and thankfully with that crowd it wasn't to long. This left us with a lot of post circle beer for the socializing. When I left, about 11:00, there were at least 25 still there and not looking like they were leaving anytime soon. Who were the House Puppies? Four Score In The Back Door, (alright, we'll give him a break here. He's still on crutches), Ice Princess, Hump Me Dump Me, Wang Chunks, Jizz Mayonnaise, TampOn TampOff, Tell It To My Nipples, Mommy Strangelove, Two Girls One Cupcake, Caught Red Headed, SnatchSquatch and Its Too Soft.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
30 Dec 2012 by Horn-E
.....This trail was set from Joe's on Weed and hared by SnatchSquatch and Just Preston. We had 12 trail hounds as we took off that included two visiting hounds Just Emily from Ohio and Gecko from NYC and one old timer not seen in years, TransFrancisco Treat. We did have a bunch of fast hounds so I knew it would be fast. We headed out to the east through the usual alleys and had a Check at Halsted. And just as I got out of sight in a parking lot, trail was found to the south on Clybourn. By the time I got on trail I was quickly being passed by One Fuck Chuck and I followed to the south. After a long block we headed to the south and west and finally across a huge field. I'm now ahead of only two, the sweep, Just Preston and TransFrancisco Treat who isn't running these days due to bad knees. We crossed a side street and as I ran through this large field, there were runners in every direction on Division. Must be a Check. As I got to Division and Halsted, On was called to the south. We wandered through the factory zone and I finally passed R-Tard-E and Its Too Soft and we came out back on Division. Trail now headed straight west and over the river to Elston. Trail went along the rier for a bit, But I could see the lead hounds far ahead and I was sure the trail had to come back to Elston. Got that one as I spotted Roofie Ragu heading north. A block later was a Check and Roofie Ragu kept going straight. Actually trail headed straight north and I managed to get Roofie Ragu's attention with my horn and pointed out the correct trail. We ran north for about two blocks and then to the east and over the river again. Right after this is the rail bridge over the river and to a beer stop. That's it, a simple little trail. We then headed back to the bar where SnatchSquatch held circle. Other on trail included Ginger Snatch, Hooch B4 Cooch, Ass You Wish, TampOn TampOff, and O'Shitty Runch. We did have two House Puppies, Just Mary and Slippery Fingers.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 12/28/2012 by Horn-E
.....We ran from Carol's Pub and we ran and ran and ran. Over 1.5 hours. One Fuck Chuck and Hooch B4 Cooch laid this trail and I heard one visitor say his GPS was almost 8 miles. It seemed to go On and On, but the hares claim a much shorter course. That would be on dry land with good marks. Unfortunately, it snowed. And they had white flour and white drywall. I've seen this work. I've made this work. But this didn't work. Why? The $69,000 question. While some marks were fairly obvious, some on walls and trees and such had us looking everywhere, while still trying to not fall on the icy areas and trying to pick out the difference between snow and marks. Then they hid marks behind posts, etc. so we ran right on by them. And some marks seemed to be to far apart, making checking at Splits and Checks harder.
.....So, what happened. I believe we had 20 Trail Hounds on this course. We headed out to the north in an alley and found a Split at Lawrence. This took forever with the first mark past Clark in a doorway. But we ran on to Ashland and a Check. From here we headed several blocks to the south before heading east off of Ashland. Trail went past some abandoned home with a mark on a telephone pole. We missed that and finally Glory Hole was On by ranging south in an alley. And On to the south we went. The trail then had a Check and as I got there, they were On to the east and then south again. Finally I find myself heading south on Southport heading towards Addison. Here the trail headed east and all hounds are out of sight by now except SnatchSquatch. But the sweep is there, trying to mark everything and I ran On ahead. More east and south and finally I go past a school and On for two blocks without seeing a mark. I'm now at Belmont, and the sweep is out of sight. I finally spot him through a parking lot, running south without SnatchSquatch who he gave the address of the B finish. So I tried to catch him as he headed east on Belmont. At Sheffield there is a Check and the sweep marked it to the east. So I headed east. Little did I know that the pack had gotten to that Check and headed south, when they weren't On. So now, I'm ahead until the ranging Lifa passed me and told me what happened. At Clark we head south for two blocks and lost trail again. Apparently it went through a parking lot. At the exit it headed west and by now a bunch of the pack are here and running west on Barry, missing a turn mark at the alley. That's two misses in a hundred yards. That is what it was like. Coming out of the alley we are by the hospital and no marks, so we are ranging. Glory Hole yells On to the south and then someone yells On into a parking lot. At Halsted I run into Chippendale and he didn't see any marks. Suddenly someone yells On to the south on Halsted, but it didn't go far. Then Glory Hole yells that we are at a Check. Ooops. Eventually Lifa returned from the south and we all did. Then someone is yelling On to the east on Wellington and south on Clark. False. We wandered north, Glory Hole, Urine Love, Just Julia and others. Nothing. We aren't getting anywhere. Finally the sweep indicates the trail went south, where we first went. Damn. So now it is off to the south for four blocks without a turn. At Diversey we head west and after two blocks, they are all heading back again. What? We missed a Split, hidden behind a pole. While on trail you don't hide marks. That is for after Splits and Checks, and only so much. So we are back together, a small bunch of us and we head south to an alley and west a block to a Split. This leads us south two more blocks to Wrightwood and another Split. While trying to solve this, Bloody Brown Castle runs by yelling that the beer stop is in Oz Park, over a half mile south. So off we went and finally found the rest of the pack in the middle of the park and BEER. A little over 90 minutes. After a quick beer we headed further south to Beaumonts for the On In.
.....The Dark Kunt held circle and the hares were brought out. Let no bad trail go unpunished. The were each given a quart of eggnog to chug. It took two attempts to finish it, but I'll give them credit for doing that much. Unfortunately they got several more down downs and now with beer. Figure, beer and eggnog, spells upchuck and Hooch B4 Cooch spent a lot of time in the men's room after that. Ooops. We had foru visitors, AC DC from Reading, Do Me More from And Arbor, Bed Master and Certified Pubic AcCuntant from NY. We also had one virgin Just Nate. Welcome all. And then we drank on into the night with at least about 13 hounds still in the bar when I left at about 12;45. The other Trail Hounds, as best as I can figure, Slippery Fingers, Just Mark, Just Kyle, TampOn TampOff, String Theory, Just Shawn, Just David and Just Mark. The House Puppies included Just Grace, Little Trojan Annie, The Dark Kunt, Monkey Seman Monkey Do, Just Mary, Reverse Muff Diver. If I missed you, sorry.
On On
Horn-E
On OnThe Tale of the Trail,
The Thirstday Hash, 20 Dec 2012 by Horn-E
.....It was a dark and stormy night when we met at the Lock Down for this tribute hash to the band Anthrax. No, I don't know why, but the bar was a heavy metal bar. Our hare was W Jew 40 and Drill In My Box and a group of hounds met out in the blowing wind with rain and snow threatening. Never happened. After a chalk talk, about ten of us headed off on trail down an alley. Actually this trail laid with flour was not to hard to follow even in this wild wind. I don't remember much of this trail but we headed south and most of the time I was desperately trying to keep the pack in sight and then we'd hit a Check and I could catch up. We did get as far as Grand and I was thinking, tracks ahead, but we headed east on city streets until we dipped south of Grand and into an alley. This was the best part of the trail and well worth mentioning. The alley was a block long and solid shiggy. By this I mean, fallen or torn down small trees, the kind that grow next to a building and in the cracks between building and the alley. They were pulled down from both sides of the alley making a difficult maze to traverse as the branches were perpendicular to our way of trail. Fun. I'd like to do that in daylight. But after here we worked our way north with a few zigs and zags to the trail until we tail enders finally came up to the pack in an alley and a beer stop.
.....Back at the bar we had to meet in the back yard of the bar, in the frigging cold and wind and it was. But a circle was held and the bar brought out a case of 16 oz PBRs. When that was consumed, we quit. Horn-E ended up in the bar with Chippendale and we got several tables together. We ordered food and beers, (cheap with half price good pints). Unfortunately, for some reason, the whole pack never came into the bar and went somewhere else, I know not where, leaving just the two of us in the bar watching heavy metal concerts and trashing on TV until we were done eating.
x
The Tale of the Trail,
23 Dec 2012 by Horn-E
.....This trail was laid by Chicken Stifer out of Atlantic and we had a total of just nine Trail Hounds. The trail headed out to the usual alley and all of the usual hounds headed north and the trail headed south as we followed Prick Of The Litter. We came to a quick Check a block later and the pack was scattered everywhere and no one was finding anything. Suddenly Prick Of The Litter from Memphis found a mark in an alley and as we followed he yelled "On two". But was he? The pack ran ahead and Horn-E was following with another visitor, Do Me More from AAMH3. Suddenly he saw an arrow through a gangway. But that was only two. At the street we found a Triple Split and Horn-E blew his horn and we struggled with that Triple Split. And then another as we headed south. Finally Lifa was seen to the rear as the pack was now back on trail behind us. Trail headed into an alley just before Lawrence and Horn-E went wrong at a Split. Then Do Me More at the next Split and Lifa took the lead. And R-Tard-E was coming up behind us. At the end of the alley there was a big loop through parking lots and the rest of the pack finally caught up. We crossed Lawrence and had a Triple Split, again, in an alley. Trail headed west and further south and into a school yard and some actual shiggy. But we were soon on trail and heading further south and then we worked our way through some alleys to Western, just north of Montrose. Trail now headed into the park across the street where trail headed into a tennis court and Bocce Ball court by going over tall fences. Nah, we didn't. As we exited the last court we ran into this open field where we saw what definitely looked like a Back Check from a trail coming from another direction. Confusing, but it turned out to just be a overly drawn turn arrow. So now we head further to the east and into a few streets and alleys and Checks and Splits and as usual, we saw no marks anywhere out of the Checks except the true trail. Beginning to look like a lazy mans checks without Falses. We finally headed back to the north and across Lawrence and to the Chicken Coop for a beer stop.
.....Chicken Stifer had some nice beer waiting and he brought out some jugs of good hooch and Prick Of The Litter cracked open the Jameson and they were off and sucking shots. After the Beer Stop we headed back to the bar where Chicken Stifer held circle.
.....Other hounds on trail included Urine Love, Hooch B4 Cooch, Just Ernie and Just Chris. The Black Widow walked to the Beer Stop with the hare and Just Grace held down a bar stool becoming the House Puppy of the day.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 29 Nov 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was set up at the last minute with Little Trojan Annie, Urine Love and Sir Fuckwit, and we ran out of the Tap Room. This trail had 29 hounds lined up and ready to run on one days notice. After a long story about what went wrong while laying the trail, and you need to hear that one, we finally headed off to the west about two blocks. This led to a Check and we were soon heading north and across Fullerton. Two blocks later we had a Check on Logan Blvd. Trail led east on the parkway and then I ended up following hounds cross the street and head east through a skateboard park, but I saw no marks. Suddenly we are heading back across the street and a Check at Western. Horn-E was second crossing the Western and we had a Split. Second gets second choice and naturally, running along the expressway in an alley was the obvious choice. So he's following now and ended up following O'Shitty Runch as he ran into a chain across the alley. But we soon came out at another Check just before Elston. Trail headed southeast and looped through a huge parking lot before we headed across the street into a driveway and a Shot Stop. I don't do shots so I wandered around and finally found marks towards the river and I was On. But I just walked along waiting for the pack. I heard them coming and headed on to the Damen Ave. bridge. Hear was a T and E Split. Turkey was over the fence, a high steel fence. Eagle was along the edge of the fence on a narrow concrete strip about eight inches wide and heading out into the river. About thirty feet out was a right turn going along the river. Here I see that the concrete wall is broken and falling away. Hmmm!. But I hang on and keep going. Past the bad area I see that I have a fellow Eagle following me, Drill In My Box. I keep going and after another forty feet, we have another turn heading back to shore. Finally I'm on land and meanwhile just about everyone is leaping, crawling and climbing over the fence. But I won't have to. Yeah sure. When the steel fence ran out, there was a ten foot high chain link fence with barbed wire on top. There were now five of us eagles and we still had to climb over the fence, and by now, the pack was gone heading south to Fullerton. Bastards. So I look around and there is a pallet on the ground. I lift it up to use as a ladder and climb over. Then Drill In My Box follows and I catch her as she jumps down. Next is O'Shitty Runch. As he gets to the top of the pallet, the rotten wood starts to collapse and the makeshift ladder broke one board at a time as he slid back down. Life is real shitty when your O'Shitty Runch. But we finally all get over and we're off and running. At Fullerton we headed east and then into an alley and back to Elston. From here the trail was On In pretty much. Into a side street and over to Webster and straight west to Leavitt, south to Shakesphere, west to a park at Oakley. North two blocks and there was the pack in a Senior Citizen Memorial Park. Hey, that's what the map says. And I'm a Senior Citizen and I don't mind a park for us, I'm just not ready for the Memorial part. And at the beer stop the Hare, Little Trojan Annie was bitching about having to show her I D to get two bags of ice at the liquor store next to the bar. I've heard about people looking to young to buy beer, but to young to buy ice.
.....After the beer stop we headed back to the bar. We had four House Puppies on this night with W Jew 40, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Grace and The Dark Kunt and she held circle around the pool table.Their were many virgins and many many down downs for the hares. Those that were also on trail included, Just Brian, Just Mark, Just Ted, Just Aza, Ass You Wish, Snotcho Mama, Slippery Fingers, Just Katy, Back Door County, One Fuck Chuck, Chunder Pussy, Hoosier Daddy, Bloody Brown Castle, Caught Red Headed, Reverse Muff Diver, Happy Ass Grabber, Chippendale, Just Audrey, Just Julia, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Ginger Snatch, String Theory, Glitter Spitter, Monkey Semen Monkey Do, Just Shawn, and Just David.
The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash, 2 Dec 2012 by Horn-E
.....Specklebird came out again to set his annual Idiots Day Hash from the Speckle Bird House. SCH3 is a family hash and their were 7 future harriers running around, but we still had a good hash. Several Harriets, Coffee Tea Or Me, Squeeze These, Buffalo Nuts, Poultry Fucker walked along to the beer stop with the kids and under the protection of Rear Guard. But we had a nice pack to run the trail. Well, two packs. For some reason Chicken Stifer, Taste The Rainbow and SnatchSquatch left before circle started. WTF. What was that about? But we held circle and five minutes later we took off around the block and up to the abandoned tracks. This led us south to a point where two sets of tracks cross each other. At this point I'm running along with the hare and Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off. The hare says something about the pack going in the wrong direction. So I cross this bridge, looking for marks and when I look back, the pack is gone at street level and running along behind some building. Horn-E is DFL and we just started. WTF. Thanks Specklebird. So I get to street level and run after the pack finally catching the hare and Just Do Me Slowly at Montrose. And we just walked along to the east crossing the expressway before I started running. I leave those two behind as I run down some alleys and small streets until I see some hashers ahead at a Check, trying to catch the pack. One was Chippendale and they ran under the expressway on Kostner and head west. As I get to Berteau, Chippendale is disappearing several blocks to the west and heading south. I follow and hit a turn in an alley heading back east for one block. I'm now thinking, Specklebird is giving Just Do Me Slowly a two block short cut. I head further south across Irving Park and two blocks later I get another turn to the east and there is Just Do Me Slowly and Specklebird walking ahead of me. He gave her about a four or six block short cut. Moments later we go around a corner and half block down into a back yard for the beer stop and Horn-E is DFL again. But I ran it all and started with the whole pack.
.....After a beer, we wandered back in small groups to the Speckle Bird House and the house is locked. It is now getting cold from that warm 70 degrees at running time and standing around in tank tops was getting cold. But we had beer. Finally the walkers arrive and we get inside for some food, good food, turkey chili/soup, sausages and buns, and sandwiches, etc. We eventually get to a circle back outside led by Yer Anus. Then it was back inside and warm and more beer. Others in attendance, included Juggles My Balls, Snotcho Mama, Rhotan, Virgin Banger, Just Steve, Just Brenden, & Paddle Yer Anus.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 10 Nov 2012 by Horn-E
.....This trail was out of Gamblers and our hare, SnatchSquatch had a family emergency so he finally found Dark Side Of The Poon to lay trail for him. I did see a map, but don't know who planned the trail. Basically, a little south and north of Foster from Pulaski to Kedzie. I got there late, damn CTA again. This time detours. So I took off after them and it wasn't to hard to follow. Some things were marked, but relatively simple, back and forth trail. There was at least one loop with a short cut that was marked. Finally I crossed this neighborhood bridge and a few blocks later I caught up to Just Grace, and Little Trojan Annie returning from a fence climb. Around the block we ran into Urine Love waiting for them. They were walking after doing a race earlier in the day. About two blocks later, as we approached Kimball we saw Just Ernie, and Just Chris trying to run and two other walkers, EZ On The Ass and W Jew 40. Just Chris and Just Ernie and Horn-E ran on across Kimball and into the campus area. A block or so later we saw Lifa coming towards us. He wasn't On at the time, but I think he was in or near the front. But we had marks over a bridge and he didn't correct us so we ran on. This was just a big loop over to Kedzie and back through the northern area of the campus and that is what Lifa was on. Hey, thanks pal. You could have saved us that loop. W Jew 40 and EZ On The Ass came along behind us and managed to catch a short cut there. Meanwhile Just Chris is leading us in circles and soon we hear an On call, from W Jew 40 and EZ On The Ass. A short time later we passed them and left them behind as Just Chris and Horn-E tried to keep Just Ernie in sight. Trail ran along Foster and into a little loop into a park, then back west on Foster to Pulaski. Here is another little park and the rest of the pack was waiting at the other end, drinking beer.
.....Nice spot for a beer and the weather was still nice out and the sun warm. But things move on and we soon headed off to the bar.
.....Back at the bar Lifa got the beer flowing and we started a Big Dog special circle. And at the Big Dog circle, we all get a chance to lead a bit. The other hounds on trail included The Dark Kunt, Taste The Rainbow, R-Tard-E, 69 Cent Man, O'Shitty Runch, Ass Capades, Just Eh, and Cunt Putt from Indiana I think. We also had two hashers who left before circle, Clark Kunt and Glitter Spitter. We had two house puppies in Gas Stop Bob and Or G who showed up just for circle with Or G's two visiting sisters. Welcome. After circle, we sort of all left real soon. But a good time. And no CTA troubles on my way home.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 11 Nov 2012 by Horn-E
.....This trail was out of Foster Glen Woods and set by Chicken Stifer and about half of the trail was in woods or on tracks and the rest in city streets. Trail headed off into the woods and Horn-E took the lead right off. Down a hill and right into off trail running for about 75 yards until a path. Trail went right on the path for another 75 yards and a Split. Horn-E headed back into the bush and found nothing, but kept ranging and finally saw a mark that led right up to Forest Glen Road. Heading to the left he found a Check at the bridge. He kept going straight and found a mark heading to the left and into the woods and bush again. Great. And he could see at least three trees in the distance with marks on them so he blew the horn and led into the woods. Finally losing trail, SnatchSquatch spotted a mark and we were back on a side street. This led to another Check at an intersection. Now I'm a woods runner and I'm looking for the woods again. I saw what looked like marks in the woods, but light patches on trees can be deceiving. Just Vaughn yelled On but I thought he was referring to something that would head back into the woods. When I got back out, the whole pack was gone. I never heard a quieter pack. That is because I didn't hear them at all. I followed the road back to Forest Glen Drive and eventually found marks into the woods and to the waters edge. And everyone was running back and forth on the other side. But I saw marks to the left and followed them. They led past two splits and back to where the pack was. I ran up to the street, another neighborhood, and started checking for trail. I followed trail through unmarked Splits and Checks until we got to a Check at the train station. Here I guessed right and headed down the tracks and was On trail. Eventually I headed into the woods and followed the simple trail until I got to the dirt bike hills. Suddenly Lifa and One Fuck Chuck came at me from the direction of the tracks. Yelled something about where did we go wrong and headed back. I was pulling burs out of my socks and when I looked up, they were gone. Alone again, I picked a Split and basically kept following trail through the woods while the silent majority are less then fifty yards away on the tracks or real close. Trail eventually crossed the tracks and into the woods for a short stretch and another Check. Second choice and I was back on to a little light stretch of woods and back to the tracks. Here is where Lifa and One Chuck Fuck missed the turn south on the tracks. A short time later I could finally here the pack, at the beer stop.
.....After the beer stop; we headed back to the starting parking lot and brought beer into the woods for a circle. The hare was called out, often. The Veterans were called out Cumma Slutra, Just Vaughn and Horn-E.. And virgins Just Kyle and Just Selamu and returning hashers including The Black Widow. And some good songs were sung. Hounds on trail included Mount Schwiiinga, Jizz Mayonnaise, Just Katy, Just Julie, and Its Too Soft.
.....After circle we headed over to Rabbits where we drank buckets of beer. Finally everyone left except Horn-E and as he was finishing his last beer, a couple arrived and joined him at the table. Next thing he knew he was heading out into the rain after midnight, looking for a bus. But we had a great time.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 8 Nov. 2012 by Horn-E
.....Ass You Wish and Bloody Brown Castle laid trail out of Joe's On Weed. I couldn't run, but I saw about 17 hounds take off on trail W Jew 40 took off for the shot stop and beer stop. Chunder Pussy and Horn-E stayed in the bar, eventually joined by Its Too Soft as the only House Puppies on this day. The Dark Kunt held circle after their return and the hares did one hell of a lot of down downs. What that means about their trail, I don't know. Good time and $6 pitchers.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 1 Nov. 2012 by Horn-E
.....Just Jeremiah, Drill In My Box and Keyless Entry laid trail from Fat Cats. This was Just Jeremiah's virgin trail and there only three real problems I saw. Virgins tend to lay long trails The Turkey was over five and the Eagle runners probably did seven. Then there was the long straight trail on Ravenswood for the Turkey Trail. Generally two blocks in one direction is enough. Three is extreme. Checks and Splits can make a long straight trail more acceptable, but even then, should be limited if possible. All right, now for the one that split the pack. This was done by Keyless Entry, an experienced hasher, who hared before coming to Chicago and this is the way they did it there. So No fault to her, She did what she knew. At the end of a long alley she laid a F on the ground. In Chicago that means going back to the previous Check and some also make it mean back to the previous Split. Some did. Some wandered around that area and eventually found the trail. This split pack with hashers strung out. I think it was here that we lost several virgins. For those interested, I have an explanation based on the historical Chicago Area marks at the web site HHHinChicago.com under the subtitle Standard Chicago Area Marks.
.....But what really happened? We took off to the north with 21 trail hounds including the virgins whose names I never got, and west and north until we approached this alley where the F was. We were strung out a bit and I was in the back near SnatchSquatch and the sweep, Just Jeremiah. Suddenly hashers were coming out of that alley just before Foster, and looking all over. Then someone told me that it was a Back Check. So I immediately headed back to that last Split into another alley. A bunch of others were also heading there. I saw a bunch head into that alley and so I paralleled following Ass You Wish, and Reverse Muff Diver. Just Ernie and Just Chris followed. After a long block we got to Broadway and nothing. No other hashers. I ran around that entire long block and finally got to the Split just as Reverse Muff Diver got there. No one in sight. So we ran back to that other alley and ran down the alley. Nothing, but an F. Damn. So we circled the block and finally found marks of Foster. That is when I realized that the hares really meant that to be a Back Check. At least the way we do it here. So we ran on working the trail north in an alley and west, past Ashland, more alley and finally at this tunnel under tracks on Ravenswood. There was a shot stop. And the pack was long gone. I was last in and the virgins never made it there. I talked with Keyless Entry and Drill In My Box about what happened and hopefully we all now understand. Hopefully it won't happen again. I ran on heading south of Foster alone and finally ran into the sweep. We ran to a Turn heading west. As far back as I was, I asked for a short cut. Just head south. Okay. At Wilson I found a turn over to Ravenswood. As I was checking out a Check I saw Just Ernie and Just Chris coming up behind me. They ran on to the T and E Split and couldn't find the E. So we were alone on the Turkey trail heading south. And we headed straight south to Berteau were the T and E came back together. We ended up going one more block south and then straight east. Finally back to the north where we saw other hashers, Ice Princess and Caught Red Headed walking along. It was only a few more blocks before we hit the beer stop. And then we discovered we were in the top half. The Eagles were still out on trail. They soon came wandering in, tired and thirsty. They went all the way over to Western. Glad I missed that.
.....Back at the bar we finally got a circle going with The Dark Kunt presiding. Good job. Okay, I lie. The hares were called often. And then again and some more. We ended up with about 33 in the circle, meaning a long list of House Puppies including Little Trojan Annie, W Jew 40, a transplant Chug Life and Barf Fly, Chunder Pussy, Mount Schwiiinga, Its Too Soft, Four Score In The Back Door. The other hounds on trail included That Thing That Vibrates, Slippery Fingers, a new transplant Wet Up To My Thighs, The Dark Kunt, String Theory, Poultry Fucker, O'Shitty Runch, One Fuck Chuck, Happy Ass Grabber, Chicken Stifer, Bloody Brown Castle, Furry Spice, Hoosier Daddy, Just Jay, Just Sean and Just Mary.
.....Then after circle we got around to naming Just Jeremiah. After many questions, shouting, suggesting names and then eliminating names, we got Just Jeremiah out on his knees and he was named Hooch B4 Cooch. Well done.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash 4 Nov. 2012 by Horn-E
.....We hashed in Aurora from Two Brothers Brewery at the Roundhouse. I got a ride out from Dickens Cider and we were there in time for a drink. Then it was out to the shag wagon and off to the circle. Two hares I Prefer Ribs doing the beer stop and Paddle Me Harder sweeping and that was good because I had someone way in back with me to bull shit with as we walked and ran at the back. We had two virgins, Just Nick and Just Kyle with us, but I couldn't even keep up with them. We ran into the parking lot after a Split and struggled a bit before trail was found to the north. This led us to a area where a lot of steel beams were kept and trail went through them to a bicycle path. From here we headed north across a road and along more path to a Split. There was a False after this and those front runners blew past it. But the sweep gave Horn-E a clue and he was off on a parallel course separated by a lot of shiggy. Most of the pack came back and followed Horn-E but after hitting some tracks for a long stretch. And as Horn-E ran along he saw the front runners, Dickens Cider and Anal Assault short cutting to the tracks ahead. Hey, I'm slow. Can't you at least pass me on trail instead of short cutting in front of me. ;) So we follow on until a Check that just went straight ahead to a parking lot. Here I found The KGB running around this parking lot looking for trail. We finally headed straight through the parking lot and over a set of bridges where the FRBs missed a short loop around the bridges. Then around the corner on the other side we found I Prefer Ribs waiting with beer. Good beer.
.....After the beer stop Horn-E got to the path down to the bike trail ahead of everyone. And then everyone passed him real fast. Just Nick was the last to pass him and from there on, Paddle Me Harder and Horn-E just walked and ran behind with the pack barely in sight. Finally at a little park, they blew past a turn in a path and were running around in circles. So I almost caught up and blew the horn to show them the real trail. And off they went again and on to the finish behind a paddle boat shop. It must have been the boat that named the hare. Dickens Cider led us in a quick circle and we drank all of the beer. Then we headed back to the brewery for an On On On where we got some free sides from the brew master and enjoyed some good Micros.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 30 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was a Halloween Dress Up Hash and Horn-E laid trail from the old favorite Dress Up bar, Fullers. We slowly gathered and drew names out of a hat and headed over to the Village Discount Center to get something for someone else to wear on trail. And we did good. I shook with fear in the checkout line as I saw Just Ernie holding a Halloween Cows outfit hoping he didn't have my name. He didn't. And he looked at what I had and hoped I didn't have his name. I did. Finally, we were back at the bar, with a pitcher of beer for courage, and a bar full of patrons waiting to see what we'd have to wear. Horn-E started by presenting Just Ernie with a Red Bra, a white sweater with pink flowers and black skulls all over. The bartender fell in love with it and got it before we left for the night. And he also got a pair of long purple pants to go with it. So now Just Ernie had his turn and nailed his room mate, Just Chris with that damn cows outfit. Some of you have seen these. Full length pants and top in black and white spots with a huge pink udder in the middle. And a pink Princess hat. We're getting nasty tonight. But funny, I hope. Next Just Chris gave Lower Wackoff a black and orange sort of spectacled long top with buttons he couldn't get buttoned right. Then he got the perfect purple pimp hat to go along with it. Pimp of the night and the most reasonable outfit. But he wasn't as nice when he gave his to Bloody Brown Castle. A long button down top in black with designs and webbing and spiders all over it. All right, not bad, but then he got a black half slip tp slip over his usual long white shorts with then sticking out the bottom and barely able to run in it. Now add on the bright orange fuzzy scarf. So, that leaves one left and Bloody Brown Castle was nasty. What did I ever do to him? A PINK POODLE SKIRT. Damn. And I had to take off my sweats to get it on. So, now I really just in a skirt. Then a sweater top to go along and a pink scarf. The bar tender judged my outfit best, so Bloody Brown Castle got free hash cash.
.....We headed off on trail and after a few blocks down Irving Park, we entered neighborhoods and I had to stand there alone as they searched out checks. In the freakin' pink poodle skirt watching the passers by as they watch me and gathered their kids together. We finally got to a strip mall and ran around Target and then some neighborhood streets with angles and alleys everywhere. Again I end up standing on a Check waiting as people walking around avoided me and headed another way. This one was funny as it was a block away from where they already were before a loop. So Lower Wackoff and Bloody Brown Castle head right back that way and screwed around for several minutes before Bloody Brown Castle retraced their steps. Meanwhile, Just Ernie heads south and stops a few feet before he could see the first arrow. He returns and he and Just Chris wandered around a Triple Split at an alley for like forever before taking off to the north and finding them selves a block off with Lower Wackoff. Really funny watching ineptitude. Finally Bloody Brown Castle returned to the check and headed south and found trail a hundred feet away. Several blocks later was a Check with countless avenues out. Bloody Brown Castle found trail and did a loop around the entire area with Just Ernie following before passing a White Castle and another Check, less then a hundred yards from the last one. Meanwhile some cow and pimp are wandering around the parking lots and back alleys scaring the hell out of the local shoppers. So Just Ernie heads north at the check, the only trail out, and goes around the White Castle past the drive thru window and on north on Elston. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and Just Chris caught up and got a good short cut back to the pack. But only Bloody Brown Castle could get lost at a White Castle. Finally we spotted him, no not the spotted cow, The Bloody Brown Castle, and they were off together. Meanwhile Horn-E took his Poodle (No, not that poodle. Well, yes that too, but really the white poodle on the pink skirt) and headed to buy beer for the beer stop. So there I am running and walking along and hiding behind trees and cars as I traversed the local dark streets with muggers and gawkers and laughing everywhere. Now I still had to go into the liquor store all alone. Thank God for high counters. Now it was off with the beer and to the beer stop, in a dark alley with some homeless guy wandering around checking dumpsters for goodies and I'm there in a pink poodle skirt with a six pack. Now I'm thinking a mugging and that R word and I even have to provide the beer. Where are those dam hounds. That last check wasn't that hard. Finally they arrived and I'm saved. Damn, that was a long five minutes. Saved by a pimp, a cow, a walking skull in a red bra and spiderman in a black slip.
.....I'll leave it at that. We held a circle in the bar and finally got back into our regular clothes. Four of us finally drove off together and the night was a lot of laughs and well worth it. And I have an outfit for next years Pink Dress Hash.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 25 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....It rained right up to the start and lightly throughout. This was our annual Halloween Zombie Hash and the hares were there without costumes. Shouldn't the hares if they sign up for a costume hash, at least have one themselves? We ran out of Claddagh Ring and the actual hare, Poultry Fucker laid a live trail for us and did eventually change into a costume at the beer stop, while Chicken Stifer just went to the Chicken Coop and got beer ready for a beer stop in the basement. Meanwhile we took off following her trail with I believe about 19 hounds as a whole bunch of hounds stayed in the bar, dressed like House Puppies. At the first block to the north we were at a Check and struggled on this for a bit until the trail was found down an alley. I ended up paralleling and following Bloody Brown Castle as we ran to Western. Trail went across Western and through a housing project. As it emerged, Horn-E found himself at the right location to temporarily take the lead, but south in another alley and they were past him as usual. After a block was a Check in the alley. Horn-E followed TampOn TampOff to Lincoln where Horn-E ended up on true trail after a Split, but didn't know it. Anyhow, TampOn TampOff found it and we were off to the west and eventually south and over to a Hospital and its parking lot. Here was a Check and we struggled with it for a long time. Finally a few hounds wandered around the whole parking lot and over to a park, Still nothing. Then we heard a whistle coming towards us. Horn-E looked around and there was a mark heading into the park. Soon passed, the FRBs led us out of the park and another Check. We found this soon and trail went across the river, past a ball field and then south across a small bridge and through a park. Trail now went straight east. If we ranged a little farther from the Check at the hospital, we'd have found this and missed a bit of trail. From here the pack got really strung out and we just followed along. We could just see Hoosier Daddy in front of us and Horn-E was running back near the two virgins, Just Jessica and Just Janaan, Trail kept going east and south and eventually we came to an unmarked Check at Western. After finding this we suddenly came upon about four other hashers including Sir Fuckwit. By now, I knew we were heading to the Chicken Coop and we ran on into an alley and we were herded into the basement. Good beer stop with good beers. Poultry Fucker must have picked those because she doesn't like the cheap beer. And it was her birthday and she came out in costume. Happy Birthday. When we finally left, it was pouring again and we were all going to get wet for sure in the three blocks back to the bar.
.....The Dark Kunt finally got the circle going and it was good. Our virgins, Just Jessica and Just Janaan were called out along with their friend whose name I didn't get, and she didn't run, but was waiting for them in the bar. High and dry. We also tried to name Just Katy, but it didn't work. We'll get her later. So, who else was on trail? Dr. Fudge Knuckle was visiting along with a friend Just Courtney. We also had Drill In My Box, Ass You Wish, Roofie Ragu, Bloody Brown Castle, One Fuck Chuck, Slippery Fingers, Jizz Mayonnaise, Hidden Panda, and Taste The Rainbow dress as the late J. C. The House Puppies included some great Zombies in Soul Taco and The Dark Kunt and a slew of others, some in costume and some not including Smells Like Twat Sweat, Sandy Syphilis, Mount Schhwiiinga, Tell It To My Nipples, Snot Yo Mama, Ice Princess, Little Trojan Annie, EZ On The Ass (dressed as John Wayne Gacy as a clown) and W Jew 40. And to all that bothered to dress up, some pretty good that I failed to mention and some like myself who barely made the dressed up stage, thanks for helping to make the party great.
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 28 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....Well we did get a few people to get dressed up for this hash and one of our hares was clearly the best as a swordsman from the days of yore, as one of the Three Musketeers of hares, Taste The Rainbow. The other two conspirators were Hoosier Daddy and Hood Whorenament and we ran out of Dark Horse. As we went outside we were met with two rats engaging in 69. Yes, the 69 Cent Man was there. No, The 69 Cent Man didn't do it.
.....We had about 16 Trail Hounds for this one. Horn-E took off leading to the north and then a quick turn and a Triple Split. Horn-E and several others went east and just didn't see any turn arrow to the north. It was finally found and at Addison was a Check. One of many, almost every other block. Actually this was good but we got strung out anyway. So, there I am a block to the east of the Check when Two Hairnets comes running my way informing me of the Check. We had nothing. Returning to the Check, Lifa suddenly called On from an alley and we were off to the west and north and another Check. Again, not sure who found it, but we got an On call from the north for one block then we headed west and down an alley south and another Check. Just as I got there and started to the west, an On call was heard through a parking lot for Wrigley Field and it was along here where I, we lost track of the pack. It ended up being Horn-E, Just Jeremiah, The 69 Cent Man and our hare sweep, Hood Whorenament. We followed trail across Addison and at the next block was a Triple Split. While searching it out, I stumbled onto marks going the wrong way. Huh. Well remember them because later trail came that way. Meanwhile trail headed south in an alley and eventually to a Check, across the street from the Dark Horse. Huh. But we ran on and found trail to the south on Sheffield and then under the tracks to a Beer Stop where the pack was waiting the late arrival of Just Jeremiah and Horn-E.
.....After a beer, about 6 hounds went on to the south ahead of the pack and to the west. The rest of us finally followed and the trail was easy, west a few blocks. Horn-E found trail along here and then through a school yard and a few twisting blocks later we came to a triple Split. Horn-E found this trail in an alley and we quickly saw those early leaders at a Check. Just Jeremiah found this trail under some tracks and at a Split, Horn-E finally found the third arrow. He led to the west until Ass You Wish finally passed him and eventually about 8 other hounds. We headed north and then east, right past those marks I saw earlier. From here, Taste The Rainbow altered the finish a little, but it went to that same Beer Stop location. And there was the rest of the pack, way more then the 8 who passed me, so some had to find a short cut back.
.....After the beer stop we headed back to Dark Horse and circled up in the cold in the back yard. Taste The Rainbow led the circle and did a lot of Down Downs himself as a hare. We were introduced to four virgins, Just Julie #2, Just Patrick, Just David, and Just Spencer. Welcome to hashing in Chicago. We also had one visitor, Cuntpot from Indiana. And he led a nice version of Hasher Boy to the tune Danny Boy and it was new to us. Great. Others on trail included The Dark Kunt, Little Trojan Annie, Chicken Stifer, Just Ernie, Keyless Entry, and Just Brian. The House Puppies included Furry Spice, his virgin Just Spencer, W Jew 40, Bloody Brown Castle and the late arriving Tell It To My Nipples who got a down down for coming late and tried to do half a pitcher. Didn't even dent it.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 16 Oct 2012 by Horn-E
.....Horn-E laid trail out of G & L Fire Escape and was greeted by a grand total of only two hashers from Georgia, and they were visitors in town for business. Major disappointment for them as that was their only opportunity to hash. But at least the trail was short, fun and tricky so they had a good time and we ended up at the bikini bar. Now that they enjoyed.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 18 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was a walkers trail set by Little Trojan Annie from Lottie's to celebrate the Pink Dress Hash Charity Hash with free left over beer. 312 beer. There was about 10 walkers and four actually ran a short live trail set live by Clark Kunt and Glitter Spitter for four hashers. Then about another eight showed up later and a nice party was held at the apartment of W Jew 40.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 20 Oct 2012 by Horn-E
.....A great day to lay trail in the woods. We ran from Cumberland and Irving Park with the usual hare, Horn-E laying trail. Trees were in various shades of color and the summer had left us with some real thick growths of woods and some sparse areas were we could really run. At the start, I was again met by only two hashers and they were two marines passing through town on leave from Afghanistan. Both had hashed in Baghdad and Kabul and were really set for a good woods trail. Just not alone. We took off across Irving Park and into the woods were the Buckthorn was really thick, almost impassable. Like running through a maze with thick walls of bushes and trees and a low overhead in parts. We finally came to a clearing. Well at least on the ground. There was an overhead of trees surrounded by the thick brush. I hid the beer here. But we ran on to a bigger clearing with waist high or higher prairie grasses. We stayed on paths and managed to miss most of the burrs as we ran south to a Check on a path. This stumped them for a bit with two Falses and they checked them both. then we back tracked a bit and into some more paths and little clearings until a dead end. Bingo, a back check. Then they almost didn't find their way back until they found the true trail. This led through some thick growth, but a somewhat apparent deer path. Finally we came out to a section of widely dispersed trees and low ground cover allowing us to really run. This is where they left the Horn-E sweep way behind. Just Dan was leading along here and really heading out finding the well marked trail until we hit another path. Here was a Check and Just Dan guessed wrong, but before Horn-E got there, Just Bill was already on trail. This ran on to another Back Check and Horn-E was just arriving as they found the On trail. This led to a sweeping trail off path and in good running woods full of multiple colors that wove back and forth allowing Horn-E to short cut and keep them in sight. Barely. Just Bill made it through a maze of sticker bushes to a path by a creek and a Triple Split. No body wanted that middle Split as it pointed to a moldy deer carcass in the creek bed. Just Bill headed west and was on right away. They ran the path past a bridge and finally back into woods. I lost track of them along here, but a sneaky hare always knows a short cut. They had run on to a Check and Just Bill picked right, left, and was right On trail, but a long way over a bridge. Just Dan arrived and could see Just Bill heading back on the other side of the low lands and short cut across and joined him as they now were running on paths to the east. These paths ran past the first bridge were Horn-E was waiting. They then kept on to the east and past that decaying deer. We were now downwind and for about twenty yards, you couldn't breath. They made a comment about how it was like running through some neighborhoods in Kabul. We then ran over the local hill and on the other side, the locals had built a large dirt track for remote control race cars and they were racing when we ran on by. Stopped and watched them for a bit. Then we crossed the creek bed and ran on along the creek until we hit a right turn. This crossed our original out trail and they then had to find trail in the overgrown buckthorn woods. This time the paths were almost invisible and Horn-E finally caught them just as they got to the beer at that original clearing. Great trail running and now we had great beer, Modus Hoperandi and Dales Pale Ale. We hung around in that clearing, where it was nice and cool and did an abbreviated circle and sang some good long songs. But all things have to end and they had to move on. I told them about Sundays trail, but even though they loved the trail, they were disappointed by the turnout and weren't coming all the way in from Northbrook for another small turn out. And unfortunately, that was prophetic as CH3 only had 11 on trail the next day.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 10/21/2012 by Horn-E
.....We had a trail by TampOn TampOff from Jacks Place. With a small turnout of only 10 hounds on trail and one hound, Glory Hole who walked to the beer stops. Trail headed east for a block and then north through a little park were the pack somehow was heading right back to the start. Huh. Horn-E was off trail having seen Taste The Rainbow heading north out of the park and so he couldn't figure out what was going on. But they returned and went through the park again and headed east this time in an alley. From here it was weaving back and forth as we headed southeast and then back to the west. More back and forth as the trail worked its way to the Dan Ryan. At this point I was in back and saw Just Jeremiah and Chicken Stifer heading under the highway. But they weren't on trail apparently as I got there there was a mark to the right side of the street. Huh. And all the time I am hearing whistles on my left and a block away. I went straight a bit further and suddenly I saw the pack coming out behind me. Huh. And they ran on to a Check. Taste The Rainbow headed north and found trail while the pack was scattered looking for marks. I saw Chicken Stifer on Halsted, but he disappeared somewhere. I found out we were at a Check so I checked to Halsted and saw nothing. Then I heard a whistle and saw hashers led by Taste The Rainbow, heading across Halsted to the north. I followed as he ran into an alley and over a fence and on to the west. We then did about a two block loop and entered an alley and to TampOn Tampoff's back yard and a first beer stop.
.....I arrived last, but Just Jeremiah and Chicken Stifer were missing. Finally Chicken Stifer arrived and stopped for only a minute before heading back on trail.
.....We finally headed out and to the south and then west. Again we were going back and forth when Drill In My Box went by saying she was running slow and much slower. Well, Horn-E was running even slower then that. We finally came to our first Check. This one held us up for a while before we found trail heading straight west. We headed on to another Check and this trail had us going northeast for a block and then straight east with a few loops. Suddenly Chicken Stifer passed me. Apparently he had trouble finding trail by himself and we passed him along the way. A few blocks later I saw Just Jeremiah and the pack was whole again. Just Jeremiah apparently got lost and ran and ran until he found a trail that had already been swept and joined the pack. A few blocks later the trail did a loop back and up onto some tracks. Hmmm. Last time up here we got chased by the cops. And this will probably head to this railroad spur on an overhead bridge. So I headed straight there and climbed up through the woods just as Taste The Rainbow went flying on by. I joined the pack and he headed south on the track and at 18th, I had it all figured out.
.....Back to the same beer stop where the FRBs were waiting and beer was flowing. this time Just Jeremiah was able to join us and I met out two virgins, Just Chris and Just Megnan. A beautiful day and we all hung around for two beers. Again Chicken Stifer didn't show and went back to the bar.
.....Back at the bar we were greeted by a litter of House Puppies including Just Do Me Slowly, Keyless Entry, Its Too Soft, Batteries Not Included, and Calvin Klein.
.....Taste The Rainbow started circle and we were drinking 16s of PBR. Much beer flowed and TampOn TampOff got the most. We were introduced to out two virgins. After circle we hung around for a while drinking PBRs until a bunch of us climbed into Just Do Me Slowly's car and headed on home. The other trail hounds included Just Ernie, Reverse Muff Diver, Ginger Snatch, Poultry Fucker.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash The Pink Dress Hash for charity 11 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Piano Man and we had two hares, Taste The Rainbow and W Jew 40. There was about 43 hounds at the start, but a lot of un, including myself, couldn't run. I hurt my foot. Four Score In The Back Door hurt his knee and Glory Hole is still recuperating. And a few others who were already on the sauce. The run was almost two hours with two beer stops at the Hidden Shamrock and the home of Bloody Brown Castle. After the hash we were treated to some good light food and then a rousing circle. Following that, we partied until the bar tender made us leave the back room and we went to the front bar and kept going. And when it was all over, we doubled the take from last year. Well done to the committee and all those that got contributions on the street, before hand and just paid to be there. And special thanks to Trojan Annie who busted her butt putting it all together.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 13 Oct 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was Gas Stop Bob's annual birthday hash and he laid a pretty good trail. twice. Damn rain. The location was Edgebrook Woods and most of the trail was in the bush. There was a TH3 Brunch before the hash and a bunch of hounds showed up to pissed to hash, Ice Princess and Hoosier Daddy, and two injured to hash or stand, Four Score In The Back Door and W Jew 40. And then there was Bloody Thighs whose running days are over, but they managed to get to the beer stop, the infamous no peek beer stop where Furry Spice got the 24 oz can of Clamato. Trail took off towards the tracks following Chicken Stifer into a wooded strip were Horn-E Found the way out and unto the tracks. Trouble was, the trail didn't go into the woods on the other side of the tracks. Instead it went about a hundred yards down the tracks to the left before entering the woods. I caught them in the woods and followed along trying to catch up, finally working my way to near the front as we exited the woods and crossed Caldwell. A block later was a Check, our only Check. Chicken Stifer found the trail to the left and we worked our way towards the railroad tracks through city streets. That was the last we saw of Chicken Stifer until he came into the beer stop last. Apparently he found some marks in a parking lot that weren't ours and then was lost. At the tracks about half of us had to wait for a train, but soon we were off and running back into the woods. Somewhere around here we lost Bloody Brown Castle. We ran on until suddenly we came out at a road. Trail followed this road along the golf course almost to the end when there was a sudden turn into the woods and out onto the golf course, Here we back tracked and headed west across the golf course and into the woods and a bridge into another section. More running in the woods here as we followed Or G and finally came out at another fairway. I headed towards another bridge and Lifa got there before me spotting another mark. Across the bridge and we followed a path along the golf course until we again got a chance to run into the woods. We did lose track of trail a few times in the woods and as we came to the river, Or G said he thought he saw a mark on the other side. O'Shitty Runch immediately headed across the river and found nothing. So he returned. And damn, if he went a little further he would have found marks. Meanwhile we headed east in the woods and eventually came out on Central. We crossed the bridge and headed into one little last section of the woods before coming to the beer stop.
.....After the beer stop, only five of us ran off on the rest of the course. Yeah, only five. Or G, Lifa, and Furry Spice led Little Trojan Annie and Horn-E through some city streets before entering the woods at Indian road. This gave us a short run along the river before we had to climb up to the tracks and cross the trestle. We kept going along the tracks until we finally headed back into the woods, just below the finish at a shelter. Good finish.
.....Gas Stop Bob got the grill going for some good hot dogs, and Lifa got the circle going in Big Dog style. We had one visitor, Riot Me This Riot Me That from Memphis and he ended up using a crutch. We did notice Hoosier Daddy sleeping on a chair during circle. Ice Princess has the picture. But he was woken up. Bad move. Never wake up Hoosier Daddy after he passes out. I'll leave it at that. Towards the end of the circle we were joined by Just Do Me Slowly who just came to mooch food and drink our beer. Who else was on trail? R-Tard-E and his father, SnatchSquatch.
.....Several of us hung around drinking beer until the cop came by to close the forest preserve. We then all ran towards the cars and were gone. Four of us, Lifa, Or G, Horn-E, and Gas Stop Bob ended up at the Nil.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 10/14/2012 by Horn-E
.....Lifa and Chippendale laid a trail out of Independence Tap on a beautiful day. Yeah, sure. They had a downpour just after they started laying trail. But then, all was good. And we gathered in the bar, including a mob from a TH3 hangover hash and flour fight. And they looked it. And just as we finally left, the clouds looked threatening. But we're hashers. At least half of us were. And after a block, it was SnatchSquatch who took the lead through two Triple Splits. The pack quickly came back to Irving Park and the rain was starting. A few of us, including one hare, Chippendale stood under an awning as the first quick gale came through. As it settled down, I took off across Irving Park with two visitors, Lost In My Rabbit Hole and Our Dirty Bitch from Memphis, and Its Too Soft and Mudsucker. Horn-E finally found trail at the far end of a park and led down a path to a Back Check. Damn hares. So we checked back and down a street to the SE. About two blocks later we started to catch up with the pack as they struggled through some splits. A few blocks later we ran through a park and across Addison to a Check. Everyone was checking to the east, so Horn-E headed west. Spotting Ball Cock Dumper and SnatchSquatch, he yelled for them to check it out. They found a Split and headed across the expressway. Horn-E tried the other direction and it led to the On trail, up a slope of grass and a very high chain link fence. Marks were spotted and the easy way seemed to be to crawl under the fence. Already wet, why not. At the other side was a Split and Horn-E headed SE on the tracks. On again, he led to a switch on the tracks and further SE. Finally Horn-E came to a trestle and the marks disappeared. Urine Love, a transplant to Chicago from San Diego and Horn-E crossed the trestle and found nothing. Meanwhile Little Trojan Annie found marks heading to the street below and a Triple Split. And the rain is really starting to pick up. We headed north to Addison and then east a block. We finally headed north. Back towards the bar? Hardly. A block later was a short sucker loop to the NW before returning to the same corner allowing Horn-E, Our Dirty Bitch and Lost In My Rabbit Hole to take a short one block lead. Triple Split again. Again, hoping against hope, Horn-E heads west. Nope. Trail headed east and then north. A block later we had another Triple Split. Horn-E was already to the west and he found nothing. Finally I could see Lifa making a mark to the east. Damn.
.....I had it and Chippendale was giving directions to our two visitors back to the bar. So we joined up and headed west and up to Irving Park and still 3/4 of a mile back to the bar. Meanwhile our visitor started to have some low sugar issues and we stopped for an emergency Sprite in MacDonalds. After she felt better we walked the rest of the way in like two soaked little homeless mutts.
.....Meanwhile the rest of the pack ran/walked on and finally SnatchSquatch realized they were two blocks from his house. So they held an impromptu beer stop. Then they headed back to the scheduled beer stop at Chippendale's garage. Finally they came trickling on it led by the Memphis hasher, Riot Me This Riot Me That leading those that did it all, SnatchSquatch, Its Too Soft, Just Jeremiah, Little Trojan Annie, Urine Love, Ball Cock Dumper, Mudsucker and the hares. Well done.
.....And who were all of those that were in the bar, high and dry. Well, Bloody Thighs and Just Do Me Slowly did try walking trail for a few blocks and quit when the rains hit. Then there was W Jew 40 and Four Score In the Back Door, still in need of crutches. Then we had the real house puppies Dark Kunt, Chicken Stifer, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Ice Princess and the late arriving Uploader who got there after the pack took off.
On On
Horn-E
 
.....Sunday was a big day with The Chicago Area Marathon Beer stop. And I want to thank all of the volunteers. My pen ran dry and I didn't get all of the names and I donb't want to exclude anyone so I won't list names. But the effort was fantastic with 25 to 30 hashers out there. Most brought something to share, many 30 packs and at least one 36 can donation. About 4 or 5 hashers helped continously with the opening and pouring aqnd they know who they are and how much the whole operation depends on their selfless efforts. And several spent a lot of time doing the dirty job of trying to sweep up OUR mess afterwards. Special thanks to them. And many spent time doing the most fun part, handing out beers to our frineds and, now get this, about 2600 to 2700 (best guess) marathoners and filling their faces with smiles and relief. That is the front line and what it is all about. We and 2700 marathoners thank you all.
.....Special note: I now have a contact and we might get sponsorship next year. I'll update when things get set.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was supposed to be laid by Batteries Not Included out of Cork & Kerry, but she conned Lifa and Mudsucker into haring an A to B hash from there, ending at Mudsucker's house. The location was three blocks west of the Marathon beer stop and there were 20 hashers outside the pub. But only 10 actually ran the hash, or parts thereof. The rest walked over to Mudsucker's house. We took off around this little park where SnatchSquatch answered that age old question, if a SnatchSquatch falls in the grass, does it make a sound? *U&^%TRY$#(*^@GFY Allah Damn pipe. I think the answer is, yes. Meanwhile the trail went on to the north through neighborhood streets. Finally at a Check, Lifa, sweeping on a bicycle, informs me that the trail is 6 to 7 miles long. WTF? I told him I would run until my tired ass and legs gave out and head to Mudsuckers. About a mile later, just after a False at a former dump site, now a park, and about three blocks west of Halsted, I made that decision as the trail was still heading north and away from the finish. I walked, jogged back. It was loooong. Finally after a Count Back, the pack got confused. Why not? Just stick to Check Backs. Hashers can't count. Anyhow, SnatchSquatch suddenly lost the pack as they rounded a corner. So he also quit. Somehow the udder 8 managed to finish and the one comment that stood out was something about long straights. And in circle, we sang "Shitty Trail" with enthusiasm. After we had great dogs on the grill with many condo mints. Only thing missing was the Ketchup. After eating 5 of us headed to the El and home. What happened after that, I have no idea. I know I was so tired, I came home and crashed. A full day.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 1 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
This hash was out of Burton Place and our hares were Sandy Syphilis and Just Katy. This was started like a typical race with Sandy Syphilis congratulating us for all of the training we did. But we're hashers and most of that was in bars doing aluminum curls. The trail was set to be exactly 2.62 miles a tenth of a marathon for all of these hashers not in shape to do much more. Everything was perfect and then it rained. Flour marks were to be mostly smudges with a few barely there, but mostly well marked with flour under overhangs and on dirt. There were 23 trail hounds at the start, but some did their trail to shot stops and beer stops while the rest of us fools ran that shitty trail.
We took off straight north to a Check at North and Wells. And there we stalled for a long time until we finally ranged past a two way Split that should have been a three way Split. From there on things worked a little better as trail headed south and west until we hit a Check at a strip mall on Division. This really stalled us until someone found trail through a park to the south. I have no idea who was in front, but Horn-E was definitely holding up the rear. Several blocks later we hit the first beer stop just after going under the El tracks heading east. And always, just as Horn-E almost caught up, the pack was off again. The next shot stop was in Bug House Square. But there was no mark out of there, at least in the direction the pack was ranging. So Horn-E finally ranged north to the NE corner of the Square. Still nothing until Glory Hole ran past him spotting a mark across the street, a Split. Glory Hole went north and Horn-E went east and found a mark. Bloody Brown Castle ran right past Horn-E and found a Check at State. He chose going north and was wrong. Horn-E went east. On one, On a Split, Off heading south, Returning just as Just Jeramiah arrived at the Split. Again Horn-E headed east and found the third mark as that damn Bloody Brown Asshole passed him again. And so did R-Tard-E, Ass2wish, Just Jeramiah and the whole pack was right on our ass as we hit Michigan and a mysterious mark. Horn-E went east across Michigan and that was the end of him. Trail went north then running west on Oak St to Rush. We ran north on Rush and State and east to Astor where the trail headed north for a block and a half to the beer stop and the finish. Back Door County and TampOn TampOff were the winners and One Fuck Chuck bailed out Horn-E by coming in five minutes after everyone. We all got solid gold medals as we were all winners for just finishing.
Back at Burton Place we got a slow start before we were finally allowed up stairs. Then we waited and waited until the beer finally got a steady flow. They tried to turn on the TVs for football, but Horn-E got them to turn the TVs off besides one at the far end. We're there to party and not watch TV. And The Dark Kunt didn't need any more distractions to her circle besides all of the private parties. The hare got their due, and their due, and when they couldn't finish any more, we gave them more. When beer ran out, we passed the tits and Soul Taco and Sorry I Swallowed collected a bundle. I was hoping they would make a second round. Recommendation, bring singles to every hash from now on. But even this ran out in short order and I finally left, much earlier then normal. That beer must of been high priced. But a good time was had by all.
Other Trail Hounds included Sir Fuckwit, Rusty Grudle, Chunder Pussy, Slippery Fingers, Reverse Muff Diver, Cock Whisperer, Hoosier Daddy, Drill In My Box, Snotcho Mama, Just Jas, Roofie Ragu, and Clark Kunt. House Puppies included Caught Red Headed, Its Too Soft, Tell It To My Nipples, Keyless Entry, Barf Fly and Mount Schwiiinga.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 1 Oct. 2012 by Horn-E
Their were 20 hounds for this trail from the roof top of Its Too Soft and hared by SnatchSquatch. This included two visitors and four virgins. And off we went to the west and an immediate Three Way Split. This went south on Sheffield and then west on Diversey and into a gangway. But there was no mark in the alley. Being the second one here, I know that. So what happened. We both went around the block and I was joined by Taste The Rainbow as I re ran the same course. This time there was a turn arrow to the south and through a parking lot. Huh! But we ran on and west in an alley where suddenly the whole pack was right in front of us. We then headed south a block to a Check at a convergence of two alleys and a turn in the road. Horn-E followed R-Tard-E and Uploader into one of the alleys and we were on. Horn-E blew his horn, but no one was following. Uploader led us in and out of a T and E and around a hi-rise. Here R-Tard-E took the lead and they both ran on to a Check at Wrightwood and Lincoln. Horn-E ran south on Sheffield to this same intersection. Checking. So Horn-E ran east on Wrightwood and was On. Returning, he got the attention of Uploader and we were off. This led us in a twisting path of alleys and streets and Splits as the three ran on and through a gangway and across Diversey. Trail went straight through another gangway behind a high fence, we the three amigos ran around to the alley and on to the east and behind Durkins. We re emerged from the alleys on Diversey and headed west to the first street and then into alleys. Here the rest of the pack was finally catching the three amigos and we ran past the fire station to a Check on Diversey. Horn-E ran south and found only one mark. Someone else found marks to the north and past the Walgreens on the corner. This led through an alley and north on Burling and west on Oakdale. Here Horn-E was running behind and while looking for the trail, he saw the pack returning to that corner from the west. Bingo. as he headed north there was an arrow pointing right at him and he was now leading the pack back east on Oakdale and through an alley loop and to a Check at Clark. This one had the pack stumped for some time. The trail went east on Oakdale and into the first alley and then east at the T in the alley. But this was missed the first time through and we ranged all over. Horn-E ranged east on Oakdale to Broadway and found nothing. Heading north to Wellington, he returned to the west. Meanwhile the pack was finally On and heading the opposite way. Ooops! At Clark, no one around, Horn-E ranged north a bit and spotted a mark coming from the north and heading past the Gold Standard. Once On, On. He headed west, through some construction and a parking lot. After a Split, he found himself heading west on Barry to a Split at Sheffield, ran north and was off. Heading west, back On to a Check. This led south, through an alley and gangway and almost back to that Split on Sheffield and finally through a empty lot and alley and into a parking garage. Having passed BN, it was looking like a BS on the roof. Ran all the way up, loop after damn loop to the roof. Here was a true arrow pointing southeast over the edge. Looking down for an arrow on the ground below, there was some shouting. It was SnatchSquatch, and two House Puppies escorting the hare so he wouldn't get hurt in the dark, Two Girls One Cupcake and Its Too Soft on the next garage on the 5th floor roof. Damn hare. Down the elevator and across the street and up 5 floors to a beer. Here we waited as eventually the pack arrived on the other roof in small groups of 2 or 3 until almost everyone made it in.
Their were two virgin bimbos who made it this far. They were last seen by me as they poured the last of their beer into a drain. Never did get their names and they weren't at the finish for circle. If you ever read this, come on back.
We eventually left and went back to Its Too Soft's roof where a lively circle was held with many down downs. We had two visitors, Homo Global from Houston and Stunt Boobies from Toronto. There were two virgins who stayed, Just Ernie and Just Taylor. Welcome and cum on back. Sandy Syphilis was FBI and Horn-E was FRB. And you all ought to be ashamed to admit that old fart came in first. All right, he did miss part of the course. Taking advantage of return trail to close to a check is one of the advantages of not Check Hanging and being aggressive at Checks. Others on trail were Lifa, Mount Schwiiinga, Slippery Fingers, Jizz Mayonnaise, Sir Fuckwit, Just Kevin, Just Eh and Just Jay. The other House Puppies besides those at the Beer Stop were Mudsucker, Glory Hole, and Just Katy.
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On On
Horn-E
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 30 Sept. 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was out of Dino's, a real north side dive bar, but a nice place. Good beer with Amber Bock for $6.50/pitcher. The pack was waiting as the hare, Horn-E ran up. And we were soon off and running. Or G warned the pack that with a small group, we stick together. He didn't mean hold hands, but they stayed so close together they almost could have. And then they weren't able to take advantage of all of the loops and shortcuts built into this trail. We headed to the north and over to the tracks before our first Check. Snotcho Mama was leading and picked the right trail, which led back to last Monday's trail in this area. But we went passed those marks, still there, but crossed out. We looped that old course twice, around the bus turnaround and back over the trail we ran in the first two minutes. Then we crossed Devon heading south and a Check at an alley. Or G went right, wrong. Just Do Me Slowly went straight, wrong. Snotcho Mama just stood around picking snot. When he finally saw them returning, he took off to the east and was On. South a block and back almost to the previous Check's False before heading south in an alley. And after two blocks we had a series of three quick splits and always the FRB to the split, picked wrong. This is where Or G yells, "'Horn-E's a rat bastard.' And then a quick Back Check. Got Just Do Me Slowly on that one, and as we followed, some plain clothes cop, standing behind a bar having a smoke, flashed his badge and wanted to know what we were doing. Finally, after much bitching about how far they had to go on the
Back Check, (two arrows) we headed back to the west and then south in another alley and finally out at Peterson and Ridge. We headed west and just before the tracks we headed into farm land. Crops everywhere, in this narrow field with family plots. We then crossed Peterson and more alleys and streets and Splits. But we were still together. Finally Snotcho Mama took off and actually did a loop on his own, coming back just as Or G went by. So I direct Or G to follow Snotcho Mama who now headed south and towards a second loop. But Or G is worried about Just Do Me Slowly, doing that loop. I told him to go on and I would watch for her. So Or G misses that first turn, under a light and goes off in an alley and gets lost, off marks. Snotcho Mama meanwhile misses a turn arrow for the next loop, under a light, and goes straight, passed where he should have been worried about no marks, ranges just far enough to find an on back Check. Meanwhile I short cut Just Do Me Slowly to that second loop where the other two should have been. Where did they go? We had no idea and finally Just Do Me Slowly took off to the west and south for three blocks and just off on her own doing the whole trail by herself. This led back over to Clark and a Check. She found this straight away and headed north, eventually to that Check that Snotcho Mama found at a fountain between Clark and Ashland. Horn-E stopped for some beer and followed her in the distance as trail dipped into an alley and through the Senn High School playing fields, through a little park, playground and to Horn-E's back yard for the beer stop. And there were the other two lost hounds. So we had a six pack under a beautiful full moon before walking back to the bar.
.....Back at the bar Just Do Me Slowly brought out some snacks and Horn-E got the Amber Bock flowing. a short casual circle drifted into some good conversation. Good low key end to the weekend.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 28 Sept. 2012 by Horn-E
.....Great turnout with 24 hounds at the start as our hares EZ On The Ass and Happy Ass Grabber set trail out of Grace St. Tavern. And this pack was moving fast as we headed north on Western. After a long block we had a Check and headed east. After two blocks there was a Triple Split at an alley and no one was On until someone hit the far north end of the alley. Fortunately I was already heading that way, but almost everyone passed me before we hit a Check at Irving Park. Now we knew it had to cross the street, but there was a solid wall of cars blocking us. Horn-E went west a bit waiting for the traffic to open up and when he crossed the street, he was on the first mark on the true trail. Finally he found the third mark and blew his horn again and again before someone started following. And it was just enough time to get caught at the light at Western. Damn, just when you get a break and are way in front, you get nailed by traffic and are right back in the pack. After the light changed, we headed west in a full pack and there was a turn back across Irving Park after one block. But only a few made it across before we got stalled by traffic again. Meanwhile the leaders were heading west in this park, so Bloody Brown Castle and Horn-E headed west without crossing the street and after two short blocks, Chicken Stifer crossed back and ran to a Split. He chose wrong heading into a dead end alley while Bloody Brown Castle grabbed the lead and led us north a few blocks to the entrance to the river path. By then the pack was back with us as we entered this path. But trail went only one block before heading back east and a Check after a block. The leaders found trail to the north and we were off. Trail went east in the alley just before Montrose and by the time I got there, the short cutters were already anticipating the trail going north at the end of the alley and headed north and across Montrose. And guess what. We had trail. So we ran west to the street just before the river and headed north where we found a Back Check. Horn-E went back to Montrose and checked out to the west and was ON. This led across the river and for two blocks before again heading north. At this point Chicken Stifer was on the south side of the street, running parallel. That was the last I saw of him until the beer stop where he was waiting. Sandy Syphilis passed Horn-E saying, 'I finally caught up'. Caught up? She blew right past him and took the lead to the north and a Split. Taste The Rainbow grabbed the lead and it was just a quick loop and back on the other side of the street, allowing Horn-E to grab the lead for just a bit as the pack soon blew past him, through an alley and back to Montrose for a Check. We wandered some local streets before hitting the park where the trail led to a Back Check. This allowed the whole pack to regroup. And we looked everywhere until the trail was found behind a ball field with a game going on. So we headed across the field where Taste The Rainbow was leading and finally heading south in the grass at the far end. This allowed several hashers heading across the field at different locations to range towards the obvious lead. That meant Horn-E for a few moments and then Poultry Fucker who led through the gate and to a Split. She chose correctly and headed west and in the middle of the block the trail headed across Irving Park. And we again got caught by traffic with some already heading west on trail to a Check at California. So Horn-E headed into this little park looking for marks and finding nothing. But all of a sudden the pack is following. Actually, trail did go that way, sort of, and around the swimming pool. Meanwhile Poultry Fucker wandered on this path and found an arrow pointing the wrong way. Horn-E back tracked on that arrow and found a BN mark. Running back, he spotted EZ On The Ass hiding behind a tree and laughing his easy ass off watching the pack in confusion, thirty feet away from the BEER. I'd laugh at that too.
.....After a very warm beer, we headed out again. Some were running on ahead and I hung back with Happy Ass Grabber and a small pack, walking along. I didn't realize that there was an actual trail going on from here and we walkers actually got to the beer almost a mile later, before the runners. And some of them ran past Lane Stadium during a game and found some beer some kids hid. Damn hashers stole their beer. Serves them right for trying to drink beer illegally. Not like us hashers drinking beer illegally on private property and outside.
.....And that is where we ended up, behind a factory, under a surveillance camera, circling up. And after a beer or so, we did circle and with our normal RA missing, that absent Kunt had to be replaced. And Little Trojan Annie stepped up and did a really shitty job. Well, that is what I am supposed to say. Actually a real good job, directing circle and coming up with songs and leading 'Today is Monday'. Well done. We also ended up with one last down down featuring Drill In My Box as she ended up, up ended with her box being drilled by ice cubes as she was set in the ice filled ice box, bare box.
.....Then we headed off to the bar where cans of PBR flowed on into the night. I spent a lot of time talking politics with Snotcho Mama. Now EZ On The Ass, get off my ass on how it is spelled. I wasn't there when he got named and only heard it once before. I also spent a lot of time talking to 6.9 Andy, or is it 6.9 And Y? I finally left at 12:45 and almost half the pack was still there.
.....Who else was on trail? W Jew 40, Just Do Me Slowly, SnatchSquatch, Just Jeremiah, One Fuck Chuck, Roofie Ragu, That Thing That Vibrates, Ass2wish, Slippery Fingers, Just Kate, Hump Me Dump Me, Tumbleweed Of The Pubes, Glitter Spitter and Clark Kunt. We had just two house puppies, Glory Hole, still injured and Mount Schwiiinga, working late.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 9/24/2012 by Horn-E
 
.....A small turnout of only 10 trail hounds as Caught Red Headed and Hoosier Daddy laid a trail out of Red Line Tap.
.....Short comment here. Just because the trail isn't in the normal comfort zone, or close to your home, doesn't mean you can't come on out. These hares, living on the fringes of the normal TH3/CH3 comfort zone, go down south to your hashes within the comfort zone. Give them a chance when you can. They lay good trails also, and would like to showcase their neighborhoods. This one was less then a hundred yards from the Morse Red Line stop. Not inconvenient. Even Lifa made it from the far west suburbs.
.....After a short chalk talk with many complaints of no blue chalk, the hares demonstrated their marks in white DRYWALL. Then we were off and running with Slippery Fingers immediately heading the wrong way. He spotted some marks while he parked his car. Lucky bastard. Meanwhile we headed west through a school yard and eventually west to Clark. Then we found ourselves heading south in a zig zag pattern west and east of Clark with frequent checks. Poultry Fucker was turning into the real FRB of this trail as she found a lot of the checks along the way. As I was falling behind we headed to the corner of Clark and Devon for a Check. Hoosier Daddy was sweeping and told me of that Check. As I approached I saw one of the hounds heading east on Devon so I took advantage of traffic and crossed Clark. At Devon I spotted a arrow hidden in the shadows of a post, heading north. So I followed it and encountered Chicken Stifer as I yelled 'On Two'. He said there was one ahead. That made three. This is why we sometimes follow other hashers on paths. Sometimes they miss a mark and he missed that hidden arrow in the shadows. So we were On and heading into a playground. We had a bit of a problem finding the mark leaving the area and by then the whole pack had arrived. We headed west for two blocks and then worked our way south towards Granville and east towards Broadway. Caught Red Headed lives around there. Beer Stop? Yeah! But not in his place. In an alley just off Broadway. And Poultry Fucker was first in, again leading the pack. And somehow O'Shitty Runch ended up as DFL. Something about stopping in a gay bar along the way for a impromptu beer stop. Yeah sure.
.....From here it was about a mile walk back with Lower Wackoff and Horn-E taking the alleys while Four Score In The Back Door led everyone north on Sheridan saying we would get lost. We were there waiting for them at the bar. Who else was on trail? Keyless Entry, Furry Spice, and Lifa.
.....We had a litter of House Puppies including SnatchSquatch who led the circle, Glory Hole still injured, Its Too Soft, Just Jeremiah and eventually One Fuck Chuck wandered in. And we ended up the circle with Swing Low and the Crazy Lady Version since this was that all started.
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On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 9/17/2012 by Horn-E
.....This was a farewell hash for Cum In My Ass Fault out of The Dram Shop. She had two co-hares in Caught Red Headed and This Feels Wong. And it rained right up to five minutes after the hash started. Would the white flour marks still be there. Yes and No. And don't fall behind like I did or you will really struggle. It is a lot easier to find a faded out mark or skip ahead to the next mark with 25 people then it is with one. Thank God for a loop or I might still be out there.
.....Twenty-four hounds took off to the east and after a half block we had a shot stop. WHY? Lets move on. It is still raining. And we quickly did and looped around in an alley where we ran the length of the alley without a mark. Somehow, on returning there was a bright dry turn arrow heading south. This eventually led to a side street Check at Surf. Trail headed south on a side street and almost got into the loop I found a half hour later. Huh. To close and the pack missed a turn arrow into an alley that could have really blown the hash. But Caught Red Headed called out and Horn-E saw the turn arrow and made a quick twist and somehow strained his back. Yeah, it is still strained, lower back. Look, what would a write-up be if this old man wasn't bitching about one pain or another. So we ran on through some twist of alleys as we crossed Diversey and into more alleys. This is where I lost the pack as I was removing my rain gear. Yeah, rain stopped. By the time I got to where the pack turned, I couldn't see them and couldn't find a mark in the alley, or when the trail headed out of the alley. I tried to back track and look around for the marks and meanwhile the pack somehow silently slipped behind me and headed back to Diversey. Whistles? Horns? Calling out On On? So I finally finds the mark over to Clark and am searching for another mark, a turn somewhere. Suddenly I hear Grateful Dick yelling On On at Diversey and Clark. Going a block north I saw nothing and so I assumed the yell was just a siren mixed with horn honking and some loud farts or maybe an air raid. So I run on and finally find the mark into Mac Donalds. At the end of the parking lot is a Check. Going south and east found nothing. Trying north I spot a pile of flour behind a post. So I go north to Diversey and see nothing. No turn mark on Diversey to Clark where I thought I heard a yell. Crossing the street and heading west, I spotted a fresh mark. Looking across the street I could see a mess of flour on the other corner. A Check. Damn, if I went one block further when I heard Grateful Dick, I would be back with the pack. So I head east and after two blocks of hidden, but still there marks, I find a turn arrow south. Remember where Caught Red Headed yelled for the pack so they wouldn't run into another part of trail. Well, here it was. And just as I'm about to cross the street, I see runners ahead. This time I caught the short cut as I saw Bloody Brown Castle heading my way. As Sheridan I rejoined the pack as they headed north, through a parking lot, a parking garage and into the park. And there ahead is the pack standing near the tunnel drinking beer. And I wasn't even DFL after all of that shit. Damn!
.....After the beer stop we headed back and Lifa and I were leading the walkers when the rain started up again, and hard. We ran on into the Dram Shop. We were supposed to circle outside in their back yard, but with the rain, Taste The Rainbow circled us up inside in the small tight back part of the bar. And it went fairly well. Then we headed out into the back yard after the rain stopped for burgers and brats. Good time. Farewell, Cum In My Ass Fault.
.....Other hounds on trail included String Theory, Sandy Syphilis, Slippery Fingers, Reverse Muff Diver, The Dark Kunt, Just Dan#1, Just Dan #2, O'Shitty Runch, Flying Hooters who is moving on to Houston, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Mommy Strangelove, Hoosier Daddy, Barf Fly, Just Jay, Just Jeremiah, Furry Spice, Packer Mache a visitor from Memphis, Rusty Grundle, and Drill In My Box. We had a large litter of House Puppies including Just Kate, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Brian, Glory Hole, Just Do Me Slowly, and R-Tard-E.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 9/20/2012 by Horn-E
.....We had 30 hounds for this trail out of Big Joe's Pub with Drill In My Box and Just Dan #1 laying tail and dancing us all over the area looking for light and faded marks. Drill In My Box did sweep and helped a bit as we went along trying to find those light marks. Damn sidewalk chalk. Or was that chalkboard chalk to celebrate the teachers going back to work. So, after a chalk talk, the pack took off. But where. About 20 went north and another 10 headed east. Huh. Did I miss something. I ran north following that pack, but not seeing any marks until I saw the pack at a Split. I looked and there was the Split, barely visible and in the shadows. Alright, it did get better as we ran, but we still struggled for quite some time. We had another Split and then headed under the tracks to a Check at an alley. I headed north and the pack suddenly ran east. At an alley the trail headed south and I was paralleling when the leaders came over to the street I was on. They were lost again and suddenly there was a mark heading south. At the next alley there was a Split and the trail was already marked. Must have been that portion of the pack that went the wrong way at the start. We worked our way over to Ashland and Foster and the trail turned south again. We're now in back and trying to catch up. Two blocks later we headed across Ashland and south on Clark. At this point I am leading this small pack in back. And I'm finally spotting marks consistently. Then I hear and see the front pack on the east side of the street heading south. They are yelling On and I'm definitely On, on the west side of the street. What gives here. After several blocks we hit Lawrence and I have an arrow turning east to the other pack. Huh. And they are still heading south and over to the west side of the street where I was. Huh. A half block later I come to a Split, but the pack ran straight. Back Door County, running alongside me, notices that they seem to be stopped. So we figure they were not on trail and we headed into the alley. And we were On. What we didn't know is that they were at a Check. Actually, the hares shouldn't have had a Split here, because Back Door County and I were on the course the hare wanted us to take. We flipped a fence and ran around this park to a Split, checked it out and eventually circled back to that Check were everyone was standing. Only they aren't standing there anymore. We were the only ones sucked into that loop and the pack was now gone to the east. We zigged and zagged a bit and then hit a long straight heading east to the college and past some gang members yelling out at us. Where we going to have to fight our way out of this? At the college there was a Check and as some of the back pack were starting to Check this out, they heard yells on Montrose from some FRBs. So we headed straight over there were Drill in My Box was yelling to those FRBs including Taste The Rainbow and Chicken Stifer to inform them they missed a shot stop. When I got there I figured, I don't do shots so why stop much less back track. So I ran On to the west on my own. And from here on in, I only missed one of many Checks and Splits, and that one came right back to me anyhow. And I just cruised On, heading west and north until I got to the beer stop. Unfortunately, Just Dan was still at the shot stop and I had to wait for 12 thirsty minutes before the pack arrived and beer was flowing. But that is what happens when you skip stops. After this I headed north for four blocks to get back to Foster and the bar. And the pack gathered soon.
.....The Dark Kunt got the circle going and we had a rowdy good time in that tiny back room. Of course those damn hares got plenty for that trail of mystery. And we also got our virgin, Just Amy. Welcome to the hash. When she was asked in the circle for her favorite aquatic animal, she said shark and suddenly there was this shark circling her with its fin out of water. No wait, that was Horn-E with his hand in the air. God Damn ham. And we also met Three Men And A Horse, a visitor. And the circle went on and on until we had a sudden stop for four pizzas. All right!!!
.....When we reconvened the circle, it was for Just Dan's naming. And what a questioning session it was. That man had more good excuses for a bad name then about any other naming we ever had. We finally compiled about 20 possible names, and many were good choices. But slowly we eliminated then until we were left with One Fuck Chuck. And that will be his name forever more. He'll never get that second fuck with that resume'. Then there was a sudden proposal to remane Just Roger/Udderly Hipster. And one look at him and you'll agree with our new choice, Clark Kunt.
.....Other hounds on trail included Just Jeremiah, Chunder Pussy, Furry Spice, Little Trojan Annie, EZ On The Ass, Reverse Muff Diver, Slippery Fingers, W Jew 40, Poultry Fucker, Just Kate, Just Jas, O'Shitty Runch, Bloody Brown Castle, Glitter Spitter, Ass2Wish, Just Lauren, Hoosier DaddySnut Your Mama and Tumbleweed Of The Pubes. We also had a large litter of House Puppies including Rusty Grunch, Tell It To My Nipples, Way To Much Jism, Its Too Soft and Sandy Syphilis.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 9/13/2012 by Horn-E
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.....It was a dark and rainy night to be running a live trail out of Lincoln Tavern. But Just Roger and Happy Ass Grabber somehow managed to pull it off. And even in the rain, the marks were great and not hard to follow. As for the trail, all planned by Just Roger and he ran over it three times. Then he texted the trail directions to Happy Ass Grabber. It took a ream of paper to print out. And so they took off in the light rain. We finally followed with 22 hounds and a late arriving Lifa to make 23 in the rain. An excellent turnout considering. And the pack really preformed like a blind pack of hounds with their noses plugged up. At least at the start. Horn-E finally spotted an arrow in an alley pointing back to the start. We finally figured that this was a three way split going the other way. And off we ran. This trail really twisted back and forth with never a straight of more then a block. We finally hit a Check at Damen and North. Six corners. I saw Ginger Snatch heading south on Damen and I did the same on the other side of the street. I never saw her again until the first beer stop. How she got back to the pack and ahead of me, I'll never know, but with that zig zag trail, she could have really found a short cut. She was FBI. Meanwhile I came back to the Check and the pack was gone. I was soon on the trail but never saw anyone for the longest time. Thankfully most Splits and Checks were marked. I finally ran through this park and Lifa came up behind me. We rounded the corner into an alley and there was the pack. At last. And at a Check. So I'm out checking and some idiot in a car, backs into another car, serious damage, and drives off. Lifa is meanwhile recording his license. Gotcha you bastard. Then we were on to the south and soon another Check at Division. And half the pack is missing, having already found the trail. Meanwhile the rest of us are running around lost until Horn-E finally spotted a small dollop of flour in a playground. Bang, we're on and after a quick little mess up on a wrong marked Split, we were in Happy Village, Lifa's favorite bar, for a beer stop. Four were missing, but Drill In My Box finally led them into the bar as DFLs. Including some virgins. Don't lose them. I need 23 more to get into Allah's heaven and at my age, I don't have much time.
.....We were soon back into the hunt running side streets and towards Ashland and Division. I was back with four others and Hoosier Daddy led them in some crazy loop in a parking lot. Horn-E managed to see the way out and blow his horn, but they didn't follow right away. Trail headed up Milwaukee and into an alley. Coming back out onto Milwaukee it crossed the street and through a ice cream place. At the exit was a Check. We went around and found marks coming back to Milwaukee and took off on them, not even knowing we were on a Check. Well, we scattered through out the K Mart parking lot for far to long. We finally exited on trail and to a Back Check in a playground. Horn-E found this and yelled to Keyless Entry to head down the alley and we were off. From here is was more alleys until we crossed North with a BN right ahead. Horn-E got caught by a red light and came in DFL. There was the pack, standing in the rain, drinking beer. Those soggy mutts would do anything for a bone(r) or a free beer. From here is was straight back to the bar where we found two dry House Puppies sitting around the fire, or whatever. TampOn TampOff and The Dark Kunt.
.....The Dark Kunt soon had us circling and we drowned the hares in numerous down downs. We were introduced to our virgins, Just Jas, Just Jackie and Just Rich. Welcome.Where was Just Jodie? And Just Jackie beat the two guys in down downs, twice. We have a keeper. We also get around to naming our hare, Just Roger. He will forever be known as Udderly Hipster. The other hounds on trail were Just Jeremiah, Taste The Rainbow, That Thing That Vibrates, O'Shitty Runch, Jizz Mayonnaise, Just Dan, Just Matt, Glitter Spitter, Malort My Ass, Just Dave, Ass2wish, and Little Trojan Annie.
On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 9/10/2012 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Jury's and had a pack of 20 trail hounds at the start. Out hares were Glitter Spitter and Jizz Mayonnaise laying a live trail and That Thing That Vibrates handling the beer stop and shot stop, which I'm told were the same spot. Out injured GM, SnatchSquatch accompanied her there. I looked at colored chalk in the chalk talk and was concerned. With reason it turned out. We headed south through a series of alleys just east of Lincoln with some Splits along the way. We came back to Lincoln and headed further south after a Check. We had another Check at Irving Park and Lincoln. No one seemed to find this for a while. Finally we were On, apparently further south on Lincoln. On what I didn't know because I didn't see any marks, but they kept going south on Lincoln. Finally trail headed directly south on a converging street. That is when I saw my first Blue Chalk mark. Oh Oh. When I next caught the pack they were coming back from the west. Apparently they didn't find any marks that way. Going backwards we saw a Split coming out of an alley. All right, west isn't it. So we headed east and were scattered all over the next corner looking for a mark. Finally Taste The Rainbow went back a bit and saw a blue turn arrow down another alley. All right, back on white, we headed down the alley coming out at Addison. Back over to Lincoln, again. The pack was scattered and suddenly yelling On to the north on Ravenswood. On what? Then Pied Piper pointed out the Check. In blue. I was standing on it and didn't see it. So we followed on Ravenswood for a bit and the two of us decided to blow off this trail and head back. About a block later we managed to spot a blue arrow in the dark. We only spotted it because Taste The Rainbow had remarked the trail with white so we could see the two arrows next to each other.
.....Back at the bar we found the House Puppy, Two Girls One Cupcake drinking a glass of wine. We ordered a pitcher of beer and relaxed. We were half through that when Chicken Stifer arrived. Apparently he quit the trail after the shot stop/beer stop and walked back. Another quarter of the pitcher and Taste The Rainbow arrived, not happy. He said he quit after 6.9 miles and just came back. It was another ten minutes before the pack arrived.
.....So, we're back and we head for the beer garden and start the circle with Taste The Rainbow running the show. This went on for some time until we were warned by the waitress that they were getting complaints from the neighbors. That and some nosy woman looking down at us from her window. It was just a little after ten. Legal time. So we went inside and quickly finished our circle, mingled a bit and I left at about 11pm, with only 7 hounds left behind.
.....The other hounds included Just Roger, Just Jeremy, Sir Fuckwit, Soul Taco, Poultry Fucker, R-Tard.E, Monkey Semen Monkey Do, Master Debaiter, Just Dan #2, Just Dan #1, Just Jeremiah, Lepvacaun, Just Daniel, Bloody Brown Castle, This Feels Wrong, Reverse Muff Diver. We also had one other House Puppy, Its Too Soft.
On On
Horn-E 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
.....The Second City Hash, 26 Aug 2012 by Mr Ed from Minneapolis H3

Hey you old backslidders,

Mr & Ms Ed came to Chi-town to tip beer (we did a lot of that); and to do trail with you guys. We were told Horn-E was on the disabled list and Soar Balls got run out of town a year ago (didn’t see him at Bungle either). Anyway, both were missed at 2nd City’s trail on Sunday. We elected to skip the post-POP to do the Naperville event and are very glad we did. So what, happened? Well here’s my write-up

It drizzled, it rained, and then it poured a bit. Temps in the 80s and lots of off piste trail (McDowell Grove Preserve & the DuPage River trails) made for a fun afternoon. Whoreo & Bubbles, The Sad Beer Clown set a 5 mile live hare adventure; with things marked surprisingly well in chalk and globs of flour. The pack did a great job of “team breaking & marking the trail” (the front found trail & the middle marked). Gracias to Lifa, Little Trojan Annie, etc. from this Turkey. I missed the last third, when WJew40 offered me a “Chevy Shortcut” ride. I heard there was a loooong Backcheck on the Eagle trail after the Beverage Stop. We returned to the hares abode and cleaned up. A feast was prepared and the dozen-plus of us indulged. The Eds were invited to guest-RA the indoor post-trail circle and did a good job for a half an hour or more. We had great singing, flashing (thank you again Annie), and a Tidy Whitie check. Everyone (except the co-hare dog) got at least two or more Down Downs—including SpeckleBird and his “Dino-joke” kids. Then the hosts suggested we adjourn over to the clubhouse/pools for more On After there. So we sang the hash hymn and the partying continued across the complex.

Unfortunately that is all reportable from this end as we had to leave. Thanks to all for a great time and especially the Texas-headed hares for the truly memorable afternoon. Remember always: Hashers don’t waste beer – it’s the other way around.

On On,

The Eds

ps Horn-E: How do I get a FMH3 jacket Patch? Ask me. I have patches for both Moon Hashes.

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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Sep 1. 2012 by Rhotan

moon went well- was little disappointed by the turnout- great night, good beer, hurricane stop....


Full Moon Hash Saturday, September, 1, 2012

Hare: Rhotan and Bloody Thighs

Start location: Sheridan stop on the Red Line

The Great Blue Moon and Hurricane Moon Hash!

Two fantastic events came together at the same time to provide a dramatic backdrop for this “hash of the year”…. The second full moon in August, makes it a “Blue Moon” even though we actually ran on the 1st of September and the remnants of Hurricane Isaac were spilling into the Chicagoland area. The trail was set with the promises of hurricanes and Blue Moons by the esteemed hares, Rhotan and Bloody Thighs. The hounds started to assemble underneath the “el” , Dicken’s Cider, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, LIFA, Just Josh, and Mudsucker. Pre-trail hurricanes were offered up by the hares, bags were stashed, and the chalk talk commenced. The hares offered a “eagle” trail and a “walker” trail and surprisingly, due to injured hashers, only LIFA and Just Josh opted for the “eagle” trail. The walker trail meandered through the lovely neighborhood north of Irving Park and then across LSD towards the first stop- the “hurricane” stop. The foolish eagles were treated to a crazed ass trail through Wrigleyville, down to Belmont, with an awesome circle- jerk just south of the harbor, shiggy was found behind Belmont Harbor and the hounds finally met up near the golf course at Addison for hurricanes. The walkers Bloody Thighs, Dicken’s Cider, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, and Mudsucker arrived slightly before the eagles and headed down to the waterfront to watch the awesome waves crashing in and suck down hurricanes. Following closely behind were the overachievers, LIFA and Just Josh, grumbling about the marks, the circle jerks, and other high praises for the hare! At this point the walkers had done about 6-7 miles and they opted for auto-hashing to the Blue Moon stop, so they piled into the truck for the ride to Montrose. The hounds LIFA and Just Josh, with a hearty” high ho”, headed (who said “head”) out on trail. They claim that they lost trail 100 meters away from the hurricane stop, but found it again as it wandered to the lake and back to the golf course. Meanwhile the walkers and the hares headed to Cricket Hill (that huge hill near Montrose Harbor) where the Blue Moon beer stop was located. The cooler was breached, Blue Moons distributed, and the chips were wrested from the hare’s hands while all eyes looked into the darkness in anticipation of the hound’s arrival. A hearty On-On and a whistle or two announced the appearance of the rest of the pack. The evening was warm, the rain stayed away and the moon was starting to peek out from the clouds, perfect for the hare’s plans to circle up on the top of the hill under the “Blue Moon” Beverages were opened and circle convened with the first of many calls for the hares into the circle. The claim from LIFA was a trail of 9.01 miles and Dicken’s Cider claimed 6.5 for the walkers. So, Rhotan and Bloody Thighs were cited for the “short” trail. Dicken’s brightened the circle with an additional “moon” and got a down-down for that. Mudsucker was called in for numerous infractions including “mr tiny bladder” for pissing numerous times on trail and being a perv and peeing on a playground. The “injured” hashers- Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Dicken’s Cider, and Mudsucker were called in for doing the grueling walker trail and auto-hashing to the beer stop. LIFA was nominated numerous times for various infractions on trail, including FRB and doing the honorary down-down for HornE who was away molesting children or beer cans or some such nonsense. Just Josh stepped in for his first Full Moon trail and getting LIFA lost on trail. Much fun ensued and two hashers, Little Trojan Anne and W Jew 40 were delayed on their trip form Indiana but texted that they would try to make circle. The full moon finally cleared all of the cloud cover and the hares ordered up a display of fireworks from Navy Pier. Great fun was had by all and the hashers retired to the Holiday Club for on-afters and to meet up with Little Trojan Anne and W Jew 40.

On, On-

Rhotan

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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 9/6/2012 by Horn-E
.....This was a real big turnout for a regular hash, about 42 on trail, and we ran out of Rebel. We had three hares, Cock Whisperer, Slippery Fingers and Bloody Brown Castle. Just after arriving I ran into Steve The Train Wreck, a new transfer to Chicago. Welcome. Soon we headed out and across the street to an empty lot and a chalk talk. Then we were off to the west and after two blocks we had our first Check. And the bastard hares got us all on a False Trail. Well done you bastards. We then returned to the Check and wandered for quite a while. Some hashers returned from the south without finding anything. So Horn-E headed south to give it a second try. He found a flour arrow half imbedded into the weeds under the El track. At the alley he found a Triple Split and yelled On and relayed that he was on a Triple Split. He chose right and correct, and came out at the next street to the south, but still not at the next arrow yet. Suddenly three of the faster hashers came running down the street and into the alley ahead of Horn-E. Chicken Stifer yelled On right. Unfortunately, the next arrow after the Split wasn't found yet. All right, they were eventually On, but they didn't even know there was a Split, If the trail went one of the other ways, they would have screwed up the pack really good. Just wanted to show that shortcutting to the head of the pack can occasionally cause confusion and wrong calls. This one got lucky. Then at the end of the block we crossed the street only to find a Split Arrow coming from the west. But we were coming from the north. apparently those leaders missed a turn arrow somewhere. Within blocks this had us at a shot stop. We barely got running and we were stopping already. Well, Horn-E doesn't do shot stops so he took off and found trail that required a climbing of a fence and the trail was soon on to the east and the pack was right behind him and soon past him. So, what else is new. This led to a Check in the middle of a parking lot. Several of us headed southeast and the trail went northeast. Poultry Fucker and Horn-E headed on anyway and the pack headed to a Check at the six corner intersection on Halsted. Since we were to the south, we covered that. As I headed north, the pack suddenly headed east on Barry. This led to a Split and through a gangway into an alley. We almost lost it here, but someone found trail behind a building and over to Wellington. Here we stalled as a pack and couldn't see the turn arrow to the east. But the pack eventually ran on to the east and north on Broadway. We then ran down Briar and into the back alleys. As I caught up to the pack I could see them standing around like they were lost. Suddenly they started running straight again. Somehow they couldn't see a mark about 40 feet away. A bright arrow. But that was the pack on this trail. Some FRBs and a group that didn't seem to be able to see anything. From here we ran over to Belmont and the entrance to the Park and Belmont Harbor. Horn-E and R-Tard-E were running together here and near the back. This was the last I saw of Just Ericka. I believe that was her name. She did seem to disappear until she arrived with Caught Red Headed, half way through our circle. But meanwhile we ran on, and Poultry Fucker was back there with us and we ran through the park. This ran on to past Addison and through a tunnel. We finally saw a few hashers up front as we caught up to the back of the pack. From here it was a few more streets to the west and then several blocks under the El Tracks to the beer stop. Here I ran into the transplant from Jakarta, I Koilom Bollocks. I'll leave the interpretation up to you. Nice Harriet, who left halfway through the circle. Hope she returns. Back at the bar, The Dark Kunt took over and led us in a circle, with many calls for the hares. We had many hashers on this trail. Hope I got most of them listed here. Jizz Mayonnaise, Just Mary, Just Kate, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Hoosier Daddy, Back Door County, Sandy Syphilis, That Thing That Vibrates, W Jew 40, Glitter Spitter, Cum In My Ass Fault, Malort My Ass, Just Roger, Mommy Strangelove, Sir Fuckwit, Roofie Ragu, AssUWish, This Feels Wrong, Monkey See Monkey Do, Rusty Grundle, Sorry I Swallowed, TampOn TampOff, Just Sammy, Just Jeremiah, Just Mary, Just Dan, Just Erik, Just Lindsay, Just Megan and Just Noga. The House Puppies included String Theory, Mount Schwiiinga and Little Trojan Annie. If I get any of these names wrong, remember I drink. See you tonight for a few more beers.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9/8/2012 by Horn-E
.....Well, I'd like to tell you about this trail, but I never saw it. Oh, I was there all right, just minutes before the start. We were standing around in La Bagh woods, drinking beer and waiting for a late start to get off. A few minutes before Lifa said we'd take off, nothing was happening. You know, like a circle or something. So I walked about a hundred feet to the beer pavilion for a last taste before leaving and as soon as I returned, minutes, the pack was gone. I rushed back and Bloody Thighs indicated they went south. And south was an entrance to the woods. So I headed into the woods and saw no one and no marks. Apparently they moved the circle to the end of the parking lot. Why, I can't imagine. So while they are talking about the marks, I'm ranging further and further into the woods, and constantly looking towards the parking lots and into the woods. Nothing. So I ran on to the railroad trestle crossing. No Marks. I ran over and west, constantly looking for marks. Nothing. I ran to Cicero and a return bridge crossing. Nothing. I ran back through the woods towards the Beer Society Picnic. Nothing. I ran over the start again. Nothing. WTF. So I went and got a beer. Meanwhile, as I heard it, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker laid a trail from the end of the parking lot, through another parking lot and mainly through a bunch of local streets. City Streets? We're in the woods. Well, maybe a little woods. TampOn TampOff was the first in with Or G and Lifa. Back Door County, Chunder Pussy and R-Tard-E lost trail and returned early. The KGB arrived well after the trail and ran the trail alone. The Camp Puppies included Bloody Thighs, Just Do Me Slowly, Sir Poops A Lot, Always Come First, Magnetic Muff, Just Bob, Gaping Panda and Just Nicole.
.....As for the picnic, when I arrived, everyone was well into the Salsa competition. After the trail I got into the chili's. My apartment smelled like it the next day. We finally ended up with the rib competition and deserts. And when the voting ended, Back Door County took Second Place for her Chili. Well done. Chicken Stifer was seen going around picking up ballots from the ground to stuff the ballot box. He made some comment about, 'How do you think I was GM for four years.' Well, we know that, but her Chili was good enough to make it on its own. Didn't need ballot stuffing, just more tasters. It was damn good.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 3 July 2012 by Horn-E.
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.....Licker leash laid this trail out of Simone's at 960 W. 18th St. The last time the hash was in here was after a Chinese New Year Hash when we ended up playing Truth or Dare and Crop Duster ran around the room without a shirt and Come In My Ass Fault ..... put smiles on our faces. We expected a few more to take advantage of this great opportunity for a good hash and great fireworks. We had both for this short trail. We took off to the south and east as we snaked around TampOn TampOff's house and neighborhood. Lifa led us until he got off on a Check and Lower Wackoff led us through an alley and further south to another Check. Here Lifa took over and we went south and then west to a Check by some tracks. That sucked Horn-E onto the tracks, but it was Lower Wackoff's turn again and he headed south towards a factory zone. Here the hare laid a long Back Check behind the factory in their parking lot. Horn-E finally got in front as he headed around the factory and the others squeezed between fences trying to catch up. And they did at the next Check where Horn-E led through a locked gate and to a well manicured path along the river. But this beatuiful path disappeared into river scrabble and junk and weeds. Trail followed the river for a bit until heading through a parking lot and out to Halsted. Lifa was now leading and got stuck on a long loop over the bridge to the south only to have to return and regroup the pack. Lifa and Lower Wackoff ran on ahead and into an alley and through a parking/docking area behind a factory and out to a street. Checking. They both headed east towards Chinatown. meanwhile Horn-E and Licker Leash slowly came out of the empty lot. Horn-E noticed this van in the lot, but thought nothing of it. He ran north under the exit ramp from the Dan Ryan and found the On trail. Returning he found Licker Leash and heard his tale of woe. That van in the lot had two large (about two doughnuts short of a gigantic muffin) cops (At least that is what their T-Shirts said). But when they stopped Licker Leash, it wasn't about directions to the nearest all you can eat Chinese buffet. Guns were drawn. The usual dumb questions about running through some property that wasn't posted and that dangerous piece of drywall he had in his hand. One made some comment about that was his property which makes the cops on duty seem quite suspicious. Anyhow, Licker Leash went back looking for the others while Horn-E ran on to the beer, hidden in a dumpster. He didn't find them, but the ranging Lifa did manage to eventually find trail. We ripped open the garbage bag holding the beer and water. Then we were attacked by a vicious dog, snarling and barking. Lifa backed of and Horn-E froze. The dog walked around Horn-E and pissed on our bag of beer. Obviously making a statement that this was his corner. Meanwhile the owners came along with their other dog, the big one, on a leash and as quiet as a puppy. It is the little ten pounders that are vicious. Halfway through our beers, the missing Lower Wackoff finally showed up. All was good and the beer was both good and cold.
..... Before we left, Licker Leash called to let us know the area we started at had cop cars and fire engines all over. What's up? We walked back that way and found the fire engines leaving. Apparently some fireworks landed on a roof and started a small fire.
.....The On In was at the apartment of Licker Leash and Five Hole Failure. We soon had cold beers and were out on the balcony enjoying the night area and slight breeze. The grill was started and we started a circle. Well, a long line on the narrow balcony. We had to frequently stop for the fire works behind that building that had the small fire. These were so big as to rival small town displays. And with our position on the balcony, we had a ring side seat to that and many distant displays. It is to bad that with the record tying heat today, we didn't have a hash party somewhere to watch more displays and drink more cold beer. Well, at least we will have another hot run tomorrow.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 26 Apr 2012 by Horn-E
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.....Well, I arrived late again at Chip Inn for our first hash in this neighborhood tavern. The pack was just leaving. We took off straight east and into a school yard chasing after Dr. Fudge Knuckles on a live trail. Hell, who could catch him. After two blocks we had a Split and here is where the pack got strung out right from the beginning. And this is what I don't like the most about live hare trails. They tend to be more about the hare fearing he'll get caught and the pack mind set of doing whatever possible to snag the hare. Unfortunately these two goals often led to strung out packs and the rear of the pack get forgotten. At that is what happened At the first Split, the leaders were already two blocks away and running out of sight when I got to the Split and we finally decided that the course to the right and through this park was the On trail. But I ran on with Drill In My Box trying to catch up or keep them in sight. We crossed Chicago Ave and managed to catch about five hounds debating about climbing over a high wall. I followed Flying Hooters as she opted to run around and down the alley. Several followed. At the next street we could barely see the last of the pack in the west, disappearing in a turn north. We ran On and came to a Check, already made. We ran on towards Chicago and Ashland. Now it was down to Chunder Pussy Horn-E and Lifa in the rear. At Chicago Ave, Lifa passed us and headed north on the east side of Ashland. Chunder Pussy said, "Fuck this, I'm going back to the bar." Horn-E ran across the street and encountered the House Puppy, 10 K Tika Ho on her way to the bar. 10 K Tika Ho got together and headed to the bar. Horn-E headed north after Lifa, who he thought went straight north. But Lifa ranges, maybe in sight of others. There were no marks and after two blocks or more, Horn-E retreated to look for the missing marks. He finally found a mark on a curb into an alley, a Split and the trail headed north in the alley. So Lifa was probably paralleling some other hounds. But now there are no other hounds in sight. After several blocks and through a school yard, the marks suddenly changed. WTF. But he ran on, down an alley and through an empty lot and across Ashland to an unmarked Split. East proved to be wrong. Returning he went north and was back on. There was an arrow pointing to an alley across the street. This was the last mark Horn-E saw. Finally after a long, long block with no marks, he decided it was time to call it. Hopelessly behind the pack and no chance of even getting to the beer stop before it was over. Wasn't fun anymore.
.....Meanwhile, apparently the pack ran on trying to snare the hare. But it was the local cops who snared the hare, delaying him enough that Lifa while ranging spotted him and yelled for Furry Spice to snare him, and he did.
.....So we finally ended up back in the bar and the House Puppy, Happy Ass Grabber led us in a circle in the pool room.
.....Who else ran. As best as I can figure, Roofie Ragu, The Least Interesting Man In The World, W Jew 40, Brian #2, Hoosier Daddy, Two Hairnets, Glitter Spitter, Caught Red Headed, Slippery Fingers, Back Door County, String Theory, Three Men an A Horse, Just Jay, Just Dustin, Just Rick and Just Garcia. The House Puppys included Mommy Strangelove, Ass 2 Mouth, Fistful Of Pricks, Four Score In The Back Door, Are They Real and Little Trojan Annie who did a hell of a job as beer wench, keeping the cans of beer coming.
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The Tale of the Trail
.... SnatchSquatch and That Thing That Vibrates laid a decent, but short trail from Its Too Soft's place. And Its Too Soft did a good job of making sure the beer was cold and plentiful and there was plenty of grub after the circle. And when it started to rain as the circle started, we quickly got two canopys set up on the roof. It actually worked well. And I didn't say any of that.
.....Trail went west in the alley with about 25 hounds. After a few Splits and a Check, the wrong direction story had me way in back trailing the pack. We finally headed west and I was running along with Just Do Me Slowly. We hit this one corner and we could see the pack to the south, standing around. Check hangers. I had see Lifa heading west towards Lincoln so I headed that way as the pack headed west. But the pack wasn't in sight. Here we go again. But I managed to see some hounds heading west so I ran over to Southport and south and there was the pack about two blocks ahead. They headed west at a Split and suddenly there was Chunder Pussy heading south, trying to parallel the pack. I followed him and we ran south of Diversey for a block. I then followed him heading east and a block ahead I saw Just Do Me Slowly, following the tail end of the pack. But as I crossed the street, Roofie Ragu came my way yelling On ON. I managed to get there just as he made a loop in the trail. Suddenly DFL to third following Roofie Ragu and Chunder Pussy. Meanwhile the pack is out of sight, probably behind us. We ran on a few more blocks and a few of the pack started to approach us as we hit another Check. Roofie Ragu was two blocks south and returning, so it didn't go that way. I went east and didn't see any marks. Suddenly Chicken Stifer runs by on the next street and yells On. But he wasn't yet. Maybe the second mark off of a Check. this is a problem with hashers who range. They are calling On to things that aren't necessarily On. but this one managed to finally get to a third arrow and we were on heading south. And the pack started to merge on us. At a Triple Split, at an alley just before Fullerton. Roofie Ragu was seen to the far west and not On. Chicken Stifer was the same to the east. So Horn-E led a few to the corner and nothing. Then, just as the light was about to change, Horn-E spotted a mark across the street. He raced across the street, just before the cars and was off, down an alley and through a gangway and into the big square in the De Paul campus. Suddenly the free range Chicken Stifer showed up in front and there was a Check. He had first shot and headed south. There was a quick Three Way and Horn-E followed, figured this was the best odds of being true trail since Chicken Stifer did come from the north. Wrong. apparently the trail did go to the north and to a different exit then the one Chicken Stifer used. Meanwhile a big loop with no marks and an On call to the north sealed Horn-E's fate and he ran north only to see a large part of the pack heading east on Fullerton. apparently there was a Split at the corner that led to a False at Its Too Soft's old condo. At least it got Fistful Of Pricks. Not sure who else. Meanwhile we headed north, through a parking area under the tracks and across Lincoln, under the El was the beer stop.
.....Only just do me slowly managed to miss the beer stop. Conversation was bad as the El was really going overhead. We finally headed back and On In.
.....Chicken Stifer held circle and after we got the tents up, it actually got pretty good and we held several long songs. Many virgins. Welcome all, Just Lexi, Just Sarah, Just Dan, Just Stephanie, Just Daniel and Just Nick. And we had one naming, Just Brian #1. something about a Panda tattoo crawling down into his ass, or was it crawling out. Anyhow, it became Gapping Panda, Hidden Homo. The rest of the pack included Glitter Spitter, Just Greg, Are They Real, R-Tard-E, Just Brian #2, Just Eh,Two Hairnets, Ice Capades, Just Cynthia, Slippery Fingers, Hoosier Daddy and Taco Balls. We had three house puppies show up, Dark Side Of The Poon, String Theory and Cock Whisperer. I think that's it.
On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 6 Apr 2102 by Horn-E
.....I got an email from ex CH3 hasher, Stupid Man about setting an impromptu hash on Sat. afternoon, 7 Apr. It was one of the Moon Hash optional dates and I told him I wouldn't advertise against myself. Well, we worked it out and he promised himself and several visitors for a Fri Moon Hash, so we did it. Worked great too. We had Stupid Man, and Rump Springa, Last Hole and Eaten Alive from Waukesha waiting when I got there. Shortly after Lower Wackoff arrived and to start things off, we got a close up of a landing strip. Obviously an out of town Harriett. Then we were off. Stupid Man was running a little lame but sort of kept up with all of the loops and such on trail. Last Hole was off and running and I had to race ahead of the others to relay a short section. We decided on a beer stop in my apartment and I had to relay about a hundred feet of trail. And I missed Last Hole. He managed to run into the marks from the trail on the day before and was momentarily MIA. But he suddenly reappeared and we all headed into my place for a quick beer. After this we headed into some new territory I haven't seen hashed before. I had the pack, at least the runners, weaving back and forth while I walked and swept with Stupid Man and Eaten Alive. This worked great until they hit a check and didn't return. We were right around a corner and heard them. Then they suddenly disappeared and caught a False that was much later in trail. But they didn't quit and returned to the Check and finally found us waiting at another Check. By now we had been doing enough running and the visitors still had some driving to do, so we headed back to the bar and held a lively Moon style circle. And a nice flash or two. All right!!!. Finally they had to get going and Lower Wackoff and I finished off the night over another pint. Good time.
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The Tale of the Trail
A special hash by visiting hashers for a visiting hasher passing through town. 7 Apr 2102 by Horn-E
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.....When I got there, the hare, Rump Springa was already off on a live trail. We were soon off in hot pursuit. Yeah, sure. A Check at the first corner and disaster at the start. True trail went west a block and then a Split at the next corner. We eventually headed north and there were no marks. Sphinter Grease had already checked out the south. WTF. So I went back and continued checking where I had left off. Nothing. I returned to where I last saw the rest of the pack. No one was in sight. And no marks in sight. Somehow we missed each other and they were out ranging, trying to find marks. Meanwhile I had gone to a corner that was right across the street from a mark and trail. I ran on and they ranged until they found that mark and they were gone. Meanwhile I went back to the Check and that trail to the south and sure enough I was On and at another Check. Well, I ran off in all of the wrong direction, looking for marks. Finally found another mark and another immediate Check. From here I ran right past that missed mark and trail sort of headed towards Jackson Park. Anyone who has ever found themselves alone on trail knows it can take twice as long to solve Checks as with a pack. And the pack was, unknown to me, way ahead. It seemed like I was never not Checking. I'd no sooner find a second or third arrow and there was another Check. And don't forget Splits. Finally in the park things went well and I ran on to the Japanese Garden and they had a beer stop there. But they were already gone. So I ran on and struggled from there. Back out of the park it was back to the constant Checks. Ran on through the U of Chicago area eventually into the big square and a Triple Split. Never found anything there and so I had to range towards the outer part of the square and there was finally a mark leaving the area. A few hundred yards later I saw a BN. And there was the pack, Spincter Grease, Last Hole, Eaten Alive, Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Mudsucker on a bike. Where did he come from? And get this, no beer. Stupid Man handed me a freaking bottle of water. All right, I needed it, but water. They only brought 11 beer for two beer stops. The hare was already off setting the last part. We didn't follow him. Good thing too. He planned a massive Check and ran into the local gangs. Seventeen seventeen year olds wondering what he was doing in their hood. Good thing he could run fast. We just beat him into the finish.
.....Finally a beer and the beer did flow. We ate some tacos to settle us down a bit before the Venison steaks for later. We headed into the basement and held another Moon style circle. We were joined by a friend of Spincter Grease, Just Annie. Eventually Stupid Man's son showed up and saw his first circle and got a few down downs. A small turnout of three Chicago Area hashers and a nice turnout of four visitors from Waukesha who drove all the way down to see off an old friend and fellow hasher. Good trail, shitty marks, but we all got to the beer eventually.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 28 Mar 2012 by Horn-E
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.....This was to be set by Caught Red Headed, a hasher with limited experience as a hare and a virgin Hare, Drill IN My Box. Sounds dangerous. Well, they surprised us with about the best hash in town this year. Well laid. And I didn't say that and I'll swear on a stack of Biborans and Koribles. Really, a shitty bar also, Jimmy Figgs. The owner stood around all night wondering why he let this unruly mob into his back corner. But then he kept looking at the waitress selling pitchers of beer by the handful and the cash register rolling on on.
.....Did I just say on on. Well, On On. We had a big pack. 27 hounds at the start and we headed south. Horn-E was off in the lead with Head First from L. A. At the first split Horn-E was wrong and Head First was right, going right. But the whole pack missed a turn through a hole in a fence and the trail came right out to where Horn-E was and we ran on to another Split at Wacker and Washington. Trail went west and another quick Split. Keeping the pack together and they did most of the way. Trail went over a gate and down to river level but we shortcut around this and another Split. This time we headed north along the river, upper level to a Check at Lake and Canal that kept the pack screwed up for some time. Hoosier Daddy went north and was On and long gone, but no one knew it. Horn-E headed that same way and saw nothing. Finally the sweep was heading north and still Horn-E found nothing. Damn light marks. But Horn-E kept trying to keep with the front runners and finally found a mark, a split, at the bridge. Hounds headed west and north so Horn-E headed east and was soon ON. Another Split and he went east and found nothing for a block. But at the next intersection, Barf Fly had caught up and they were about to return when Horn-E spotted a mark coming from the south. We caught a short cut and we were off after blowing the horn for the pack. Again we hit a Split and we were about to check to the north when Hoosier Daddy, the real front runner returned from checking out that False trail. So we headed on east to a Check at La Salle. The FRBs scattered. Nothing. Horn-E went south to the bridge and finally saw some runners heading east again. So he headed east along the river and at Clark he returned towards where the pack should have been, only to find O'Shitty Runch heading his way. He also didn't know where the pack was. Suddenly we heard whistles and looked down at the tracks below and there was Head First leading the pack on the tracks. Apparently the real trail didn't cross La Salle, but headed into the underground parking area between the N and S lanes. Well done. Damn hares. So we ran over to Dearborn and where they would have to resurface and soon they were there being led by Head First and W Jew 40. But they couldn't find another mark. Horn-E finally spotted a hidden arrow behind a parked car and we ran on over to another Check at State. Horn-E and O'Shitty Runch were upper level tracing out False Trails when Barf Fly found trail down below and heading east again. We followed this through Splits and over to Michigan Ave and Wacker, level 2 and another Check. I could end this right here saying we ran up and down and left and right until the visitors didn't have the slightest idea of where we were. Hell, most of the in town hounds didn't either. And then we hit BN and all was good. That was the T version. The E version had O'Shitty Runch following an arrow down and up to the south and a Triple Split. He went straight and Horn-E's horn finally rescued him from a dead end. Trail went right and up to Level 1 Michigan. This went south a block and east to another Check. Roffie Ragu was off to the south and off trail Horn-E was about to go up a level when O'Shitty Runch was again yelling On 1, On 2 and I think it was Pull My Pork who found trail to the east and Level 1 Columbus. Confusion here, but the sweep hare finally headed south and we followed to Randolph and down one level to another Check. Happy Ass Grabber went north and found nothing. Roffie Ragu went south and found nothing. Horn-E was going west and found nothing but some nasty traffic that thought they owned the road. We all found nothing and neither did the rest of the FRBs ranging wherever. So Happy Ass Grabber again went north and this time he found that third arrow under a homeless guy settling in for the night. Horn-E was right behind and blew the horn for the pack. We went to Wacker and up to Level 1 and another Check. Happy Ass Grabber went west and was soon on and down to level 3 and another Check. Pull My Pork and Horn-E were heading north past some dumpsters that smelled of six day old rotton pork. No, not Pull My Pork. Probably raw and sliced and diced. Meanwhile the On call was heard at the river and the trail went east along the river. We followed. Trail came out of this section a block past Columbus and headed south into this lower lever park filled with yuppies walking there pampered pups. Definitely not Turbo Dogs. Again a Check. The pack was mostly south looking for Grant Park. So Horn-E, last to the Check, headed east and only found one mark. Then suddenly the pack was heading his way with the sweep. Looking further he spotted BN and we were off to the races. But Roofie Ragu and Pull My Pork soon ran right on by Horn-E and we found a little passage out into the park. Following the path we were soon at B and Drill In My Box. Short cutters PlattyPussy and Sweet Ho Alabama from Indiana were already there. The pack was soon all accounted for. Just Brian, our virgin was already looking for a name. Dead Homeless Guy came up. Hmmm. He looks the part. Oh wait, that was Horn-E.
.....We finally headed back, a straight walk all the way to Franklin. The Dark Kunt got the circle going and it was lively and a bit of chaos, but we got through it. The beer kept flowing and after circle we actually got into a bit of singing. All was good. Other hounds on trail included Just Frances, Momma Strangelove, Fistful Of Pricks, Suck A Cock Save A Smile, Slippery Fingers, String Theory, Sandy Syphilis, Way To Much Jism, Glitter Spitter, Dr Fudge Knuckles, Two Hairnets, Little Trojan Annie, and Furry Spice. House Puppies included Taste The Rainbow, 10 K Tika Ho, Ice Princess, Hood Whorenament and Four Score In The Back Door.
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The Tale of the Trail
An April Fool's Day Hash. 28 Mar 2012 by Horn-E
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.....This was a Crop Duster special and he was listed as the hare. But he moved. Was that the April Fool's Day joke. Suddenly Glory Hole came in, dressed like Crop Duster, bald head and all. He had a co-hare in Taco Balls and we ran out of J & M Tap. I counted 26 hounds. We took off to the north and the inevitable first Split. Trail went west in an alley and Lifa and I were already at the next street and we paralleled and suddenly Lifa was in front as we headed north in another alley. We finally had a Check at a high school and they were on to the north by the time I got there. We headed over to the hospital parking lot for a loop and then west. This basically went straight west until we came to the park. Here trail headed north west through the park and then back to the south and a Check. I was far enough behind that I was only running to the lead hound and off trail, so where there Checks and Splits, I don't know. But we soon crossed Division Ave in the west end of the park and I followed Lifa through the middle of the park. Lifa eventually came on to marks and we headed to the southeast corner and a Check. I think it was Lifa who found trail to the south and then into city streets. I was way behind and barely able to keep the pack in sight and not even that at times. Happy Ass Grabber and turbo dog and I ran along together as the pack headed east and somewhat along Chicago. We managed to catch at least one short cut by looking at corners and eventually the pack misread a turn arrow thinking it was an angle across the street. It was a hard right. And so, suddenly the pack is coming right back at me. We headed south and a Triple Split. True trail went down an alley and O'Shitty Runch and myself ran parallel. At Western, O'Shitty Runch crossed the street and was joined by Roofie Ragu. Suddenly I was third on true trail. Yeah, forget that. Within one block I was suddenly about 12th or 15th or 87th or something and they were leaving me behind. And soon it was Happy Ass Grabber and me again. Like that lasted. And then I was alone. But there was a BN. In that little park ahead where we've had so many Bs. Not. Right through it, but a hundred yards later I turned a corner and there was about 2/3rds of the pack in a driveway, drinking. I went into the garage and found a fancy, large bottle of beer and poured a full glass. Turned out I was one of the lucky ones. It was 312 beer. Later I helped finish the remnants of another large bottle and let me tell you, it tasted like liquid Cracker Jacks. Talk about bad. No, lets not talk about it. A few more hashers finally arrived. Horn-E beat Taste The Rainbow? What happened? Was he mugged on trail?
.....We finally left and as we walked out of the alley, SnatchSquatch was leading a small group of the lost and thirsty asking where the beer stop was. Sorry, you missed it. but don't feel to sorry. That shitty beer wasn't. They poured near beer into growlers and had everybody thinking they were drinking real beer. Glad I found the one bottle of real, good beer.
.....Back at the bar we waited until SnatchSquatch finally got in and then the beer really started to flow. And Salty Gash and That Thing That Vibrates really kept it going. Circle was held and many were given down downs especially those damn hares. PlattyPussy and his father were called into the circle just for being there. And that is when they finally revealed the mystery of the beer at the beer stop. We also had two Just Brians at the hash. We called the first one Just Brian No 1 and the other Just Brian No. 2. I preferred Just Brian the little pisser and Just Brian the little shit. No. 1 and No. 2 is just so grade school. After circle the pack drank on and on. Others on trail were Cumma Slutra, Just Cynthia, Just Julie, Momma Strangelove, Molort My Ass, Feather, The Least Interesting Man In The World, Slippery Fingers, Its Too Soft, Hoosier Daddy, Chicken Stifer, Blows Fags and Return To Gender from Madison. The House Puppies were String Theory, Ice Princess, Fistful Of Pricks, Cock Whisperer, 69 Cent Man and Way to Much Jism. x
The Tale of the Trail
Mar 7, 2012 The Chicago Full Moon Hash by Horn-E
x.....This was one of the Moon Hashes creations, a dress up Hash. We meet in a bar, this time Fullers, and we draw names out of a hat. Then we go over to the local Village Discount Center and try to buy some outrageous clothing for that person whose name we drew, to wear on the hash. We've had some outrageous outfits in the past and we lived up to that again this year. We had high hopes for a larger crowd, but unknown to the hares, another hash had a meeting at the same time.
.....Our Hares were That thing That Vibrates and Horn-E. We did have three courageous or adventurous hounds with Caught Red Headed, Roofie Ragu and Lower Wackoff. So, what were the outfits. I got off easy having to wear a XXL suit coat that looked like a zuit suit on me. And a visor that said Princess in front. But then we went down hill. Caught Red Headed got a multicolored skirt that would make a drag queen proud. It had more colors then their flag, all mashed together like scrambled eggs, hash browns, brocolli and blueberriies with catchup smothering it all. And with this was a red sleeveless dress. Roofie Ragu got a light green nightie with pink elephants all over. Then we have Lower Wackoff. He had on a pink bra with polka dot cheeries all over it. Was he cheery, I mean cherry. Not really. He also had on a pair of light blue, XL silk grannie panties. they were so large that even with his sweat pants underneath, they still fluttered in the breeze. And That Thing That Vibrates just looked cute as usual. All right, I'll tell the truth. She looked like a Mad Checkerboard. The pants were red and white small checks, but the top rivaled Caught Red Headed's skir for colores, arranged, make that not arranged it small checks.
.....And so we headed out into the dark night. well, not really. We found every busy street we could to have this little pack run down. There were a few side streets to get them to the main drags and they were in drag. We hit one Split early on and Caught Red Headed ran right. Roofie Ragu ran left. Suddenly Roofie Ragu thought he heard a whistle and streaked after Caught Red Headed like he was running the Olympic 100 Meter finals. I knew he was fast, but he wasn't about to be left alone out there in his nightie. And so it went as the pack stayed together, in fear of getting lost like that. We finally ran past a Jewel where That Thing That Vibrates went in for some beer for our beer stop. When she went to the counter to pay, the clerk thought she worked there. If that is how they dress their help, I'm going to find a new super market. Meanwhile the pack was left on their own as they headed into a neighborhood with all sorts of angled streets and weird alleys. We headed over to the beer stop and waited, drinking Heinekens. None of that cheap PBR at the Moon Hash. Suddenly the pack came into sight and we started drinking in this empty lot behind an abandoned truck. Then two guys started to come our way. One had something in his hand. A badge or a gun? Neither. A freakin' Bible. They were these born again type Bible freaks, about 25, and they wanted to pray for us. We're a freakin' hash. We're drinking good beer on trail in great weather. What else is their to pray for? Our soul? We're hashers. Hashing and beer is heaven on earth. And so they prayed and we drank beer and listened to his sermon. The Full Moon Hash has another first on a trail. As soon as they left, that irreverent bastard Horn-E sang a Hash prayer song. After alley services were over, we headed back to the bar were the bartender had water and beer waiting for us. And free beer later on. And all was good. Two Hairnets played House Puppy that night and so we gave him Lower Wackoff's stained blue panties to pose in. Now, how good is that.
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The Tale of the Trail
Mar 8, 2012 The Thirstday Hash by Horn-E
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.....EZ On The Ass got together with a returning 10 Dix With Wings to put together this mess from Moe's. We had a nice turnout coming to see 10 Dix With Wings return. The return of the Jewish Princess. Actually this trail didn't live up to EZ On The Ass's usual shitty qualities. It was worse. We had 27 trail hounds ready to run and we did. I'd like to tell you where we all ran, but I won't embarasses the hares. Well, not to much. I do remember running south at one point where there was a Split. Lifa went south and I thought we lost him. Trail went east and then north. but he was soon back with us and we mostly regrouped at a park until the trail was found, right through the middle. Hey, FRBs, where do you think it went. And we headed over to Pulaski and past there. I heard 10 K Tika Ho actually was in front around here. when I saw her, she was now in back with me. Those damn Splits. We went under the tracks and under a closed gate and behind a factory. I'm now behind with The Hasher Formerly Known As Pretty Foreskin and 10 K Tika Ho. We went through a little park and back under the tracks. At this point we saw the pack for the last time. We thought we were DFL for sure. But we ran/walked on. We finally climbed a fence by some homeless guys and lost trail. They probably swept up the flour for pink pancakes in the morning. But Horn-E found trail at Belmont and we headed to a Check at Milwaukee. We split here as Horn-E found trail and they fell behind. But within 17 miles, or was it blocks that seemed like miles, we arrived in an empty lot to cheers from those fast bastards. And beer. About five minutes later, about four more hounds wandered in. We weren't last after all.
.....Back at the bar, the beer started to flow thanks to That Thing That Vibrates. The Dark Kunt started a circle and we went On and On. What do you think this is, a Chicago Hash. But all was fun and eventually it ended.
Others on trail included Tampon Tampoff, Just John, Happy Ass Grabber, String theory, Roofie Ragu, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie, Back Door County, Malort My Ass, Ginger Snatch, Hoosier Daddy, Momma Strangelove, Pull My Pork, Soul Taco, Just Kara, Silent But Deadly, Drill In My Box, Dick In A Box, Chippendale and The Least Interesting Man In The World. We had several House Puppies in attendance, Furry Spice, Hump Me Dump Me, Rotten Whore, Fistful Of Pricks, Way Too Much Jism and Its Too Soft. Eventually we left here and many of us went on for $1 Maragarita's and breakfast. All right, it wasn't worse.
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The Tale of the Trail
Mar 15, 2012 The Thirstday Hash by Horn-E
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.....Mount Schwiinga laid a trail from Tai's 'til four. Technically, a fine trail for 21 trail hounds. Trouble is, this is a pack of hashers and something always goes wrong. But what? Right after the start there was a Check and Chicken Stifer and Horn-E headed east in an alley. Trail went north. At the next street we saw the pack still heading north and Chicken Stifer went east. This is sometimes were we lose Chicken Stifer. Horn-E went through a gangway and saw O'Shitty Runch checking out a Split. Meanwhile the pack found trail to the west and they were off. A few blocks later as Horn-E emerged from an alley, Chicken Stifer ran by. We didn't lose him after all. and we continued weaving east and west as the trail headed north. At Irving Park I found myself caught in trafic and couldn't really see were the pack went. Soon Roofie Ragu arrived and we took off towards Ashland and north were we spotted the pack. Then I made a fatal mistake. I stopped to remove my long sleeve shirt and put it into a back pack and the pack of hounds disappeared. When you fall behind and the trail is swept correctly, you can catch up, sometimes. But when the pack is sweeping, sometimes their arrows are a little off and that really screwed me a few times. First, there was a Check on Montrose. Whoever swept this part, followed along the south side of the street and marked a turn to the south on Damen. Trouble was the true trail went on the north side of the street and there was a Triple Split at Damen. At the Triple Split I asked some civilians which way the pack went. They said some went north and some went west. Trail went south and a half mile of Checking later, I found the turn sweep mark. Ooops. A few blocks later there was a Check at Lincoln. Again it was marked and looked like it pointed south on Lincoln. Actually, after another two blocks off trail I found the trail went south across the street and into a parking lot. Ooops. The last Ooops was at Irving Park and Damen. A six corner Intersection. First a quick Split just before, marked to the south. Then another arrow, but crossed out. Hmmm. Then across the street, another arrow pointing south on Lincoln on the east side of the street and crossed out and an F added. So I return to that previous Split and check it out. Nothing. So I cross Lincoln and find a Check I didn't know I was at. I headed south on Damen and then crossed over to Lincoln and saw an arrow pointing south on Lincoln, on the west side of the street. Ooops. And this led to a quick run to the beer stop, just before they left.
.....Back at the bar The Dark Kunt called a circle together and it went on and on. We were joined by a minipack of house puppies and the bar kept buying us free pitchers. And I couldn't drink because of the Meds I'm on. Damn. Other hounds on trail included Lifa, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Cheeze Eating Surrender Monkey, Poultry Fucker, Glitter Spitter, Hoosier Daddy, Too Much Head, Two Hairnets, Cockpit, Tampon Tampoff, Secret Squirel, The Hasher Formerly Known As Pretty Foreskin, House Of The Rising Sun, Just Mel, Just Mac, Holiballs, and Clifford The Big Red Dog. the house puppies included Erin Go Buff, R-Tard-E, Fistful Of Pricks and SnatchSquatch.
On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Thirstday Hash 23 Feb 2012, by Horn-E
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.....Well here we go again. Another killer hash. All right, it wasn't meant to be that long, time wise. But a long hash with a very light but steady rain combined to wipe out a lot of marks, especially at the end. We ran out of Burton Place with two Jar Heads, PlattyPussy and Chippendale laying traillike then were still in training. All right, it wasn't that bad. But we were out there for about 2:25. Yeah, almost 2 and a half hours.
.....We took off to the south with eight hounds, a small pack even on a rainy night. And it was barely a light spray. Two blocks and one Split later we had our first Check and PlattyPussy eventually had to indicate the correct direction and we followed Happy Ass Grabber. And that happened often. Over to Division and Clark, through an alley, into a garage and another Check on Clark. And again, we are scattered. I don't know who found this, but we headed east to LSD and another Check in the cold lake front wind. This was found to the south and eventually we went around the Hancock Center and through Water Tower Place to a Split that we simply couldn't find a mark off of. I was way west when somehow the pack went east and south to Chicago Ave. Unfortunately I saw Roofie Ragu heading east or I would have had a good excuse to return to the warmth of the bar. But we were at another Check and again the hare, Chippendale had to start walking in the correct direstion to help us out. We just couldn't find more thenone mark. This led to another Split, through a garage and finally another Check. This time Taste The Rainbow found the third mark at the far end of a parking lot. The first two marks were MIA. We ran over to grand and east to another missing mark. This time Horn-E got lucky and found the marks on walls under a construction tunnel. We then headed over to Navy Pier. That figures, two Marines had to show their connection to the Navy. But did we have to run all over it. We finally came out following Pull My Pork who eventually led us to a beer stop just under LSD. We needed that. Now lets head bacck to the bar. Oooops, not. We headed over the Chicago River and headed along the river to another Check at Michigan and Wacker. This one took us quite a while and we really ranged all over before we finally headed north on Michigan and into the lower level. From here I could see the pack disappearing, but barely kept Hoosier Daddy in sight. We Checked at State and somehow I ended up running in front with Hoosier Daddy and PlattyPussy as we kept going west. At La Salle we ended up with Malort My Ass, The Dark Kunt, Happy Ass Grabber, and Horn-E watching the hare try to figure out where in hell the trail went next. Even technology wasn't helping. Finally roofie RAgu came sprinting up like a desperate wet hound glad to find someone he knew. Finally the pack was called by Platty Pussy and we headed north, following him, as we worked our way over to Wells and over to the B location, a block from Burton Place. As Horn-E finally just quit running and started walking, along came Pull My Pork and Taste The Rainbow came out of no where, also lost.
.....We sat in the bar about 15 minutes before someone arrived with hash cash and we finally got some beer, about 10:10. Then all the cuddly little House Puppies arrived, including Strring Theory, Barf Fly, Furry Spice, Glitter Spitter, Drill In My Box, Four Score In The Back Door and The Least Interesting Man In The World.
.....Happy Ass Grabber led a relaxed circle, because we damn well weren't going to stand up. We didn't let any of the House Puppies participate for quite a while as we punished the hares over and over with the same song, "Off We go." Finall we let the rest into the circle andlet Four Score In The Back Door led the circle. Then we kept giving him down downs. Finally six of us left about 1AM. We drank the bar out of Bud and were stuck with Bud Light.
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The Tale of the Trail
26 Feb 2012. by Horn-E
.....SnatchSquatch was going to lay a trail out of Ollie's, but he had a family emergency and Lifa pitched in and with a map from SnatchSquatch, he laid the trail with an assist from Chicken Stifer. We had 21 Trail Hounds on this trail, and immediately started out with what looked like a real hare fuck up, but we finally saw SnatchSquatch waving to us a block behind. I'm still not sure what went wrong, but we started south and had a Check on Sheridan. Back Door County headed east and Virgin Banger and Horn-E were close behind as she found the trail. It led to a Triple Split at the park and I ended up going north while the pack headed south and east through a tunnel into the park. I ended up going under LSD with Pussy Chunder and saw the pack do a small loop near us with Roofie Ragu leading the way and the pack short cutting to him. And so we headed south to another Check and then another by a big parking lot. Now the pack got screwed up. They headed for a tunnel, but the trail didn't. Add in the mix of small dots of flour that were sometimes there in the wind and nice dry wall marks that were there. But the pack was off, none the less. So Horn-E headed over towards the lake and eventually found three arrows on a brake water that led nowhere as a few marks in flour disappeared in the stiff wind. But it did lead to a Back Check and Horn-E was already heading back anyway because of the missing marks when Lifa, sweeping on his bike, pointed out a mark on a rock where some fat lady was sitting and blocking it. Ooops. So he headed inland to another mark and Roofie Ragu and Just A Dan passed him and we were soon heading to the Montrose hill. At the top we found nothing. apparently we missed the T and E Split and Roofie Ragu and Horn-E ran down the hill looking for any mark. Roofie Ragu found a BN and they led the pack to a B at the entrance of the harbor. From here we headed east on Montrose and a little loop by a few hounds ahead of me led me onto the second Eagle Trail. I followed Virgin Banger on this trail and then saw Pussy Chunder taking a short cut straight south and there was soon Roofie Rage. Well, that worked. But after another two Splits, Horn-E and Pussy Chunder found themselves a block west when the pack went east. So, they looped around and that was the last they saw of the pack. They Split and Horn-E headed towards the Turkey Trail and followed it until it headed back south. Screw that. I don't need a beer that bad and the trail wasn't fun anymore and I headed straight back to the bar, arriving just before the pack. When I told the virgin what I did, his response was, "Good call." Hmmm.
.....Beer was soon flowing and SnatchSquatch led a circle. And the hares, all three of them, drank a lot of beer for that shitty trail and weather and everything else we cound think of. we did get introdused to our visitor, Just A Dan, brought my just Carissa. We also got quite a few down downs for the two visiting sisters, Just Mel and House Of The Rising Sun. After the circle we really learned a lot about the two sisters. They both have motor mouths. And the owner of the bar started offering everyone a plate, full, of some damn good pub grub. Well done and thanks. And of course we had all of the peanuts we could eat. And again, I closed the bar with the sisters and Hoosier Daddy and Its To Soft this time. Others on trail included That Thing That Vibrates, String Theory, Two Hairnets, Cumma Slutra, Cum In My Ass Fault, Poultry Fucker, R-Tard-E, Just Mike, Taco Balls and The Least Interesting Man In The World. We had two House Puppies, O'Shitty Runch and Two Girls One Cupcake.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Ho Hash, Valentine's Day, Feb 14, 2012 by Horn-E
.....Valentine's Day. Who would show? Horn-E walked into the bar and there was one beautiful Harriet, Ginger Snatch, sitting there. He immediately asked her to be his Valentine and she accepted. Proof was when she stuck her freezing hands in his arm pits at the beer stop to warm them up. Eventually five more Harriets showed up in this Fantasy. Lucky horny old fart. Only four headed out on trail and the hare, International Virgin and two Harriets, Anal Assault and We'll Banger headed to the beer stop. Horn-E headed off to the south on Elston with three beautiful Harriets, Ginger Snatch, Just Do Me Slowly and Drill In My Box chasing him. Yes, chasing him. We then headed south on Pulaski after Horn-E solved the first Three Way to his satisfaction. Three ways were everywhere on this trail. And Horn-E with three Harriets. Yes!!!. We had another three way in two blocks and this time Horn-E ended up chasing three Harriets around. One block later was another three way. The Harriets missed the true trail and Horn-E found it and led the Harriets west through several more Splits and three ways until the dreaded three way from hell. Horn-E went left a block and didn't see anything. There was ice and snow and apparently some pink flour that blended in. And Horn-E missed it. He saw Just Do Me Slowly heading north and ran parallel to catch up. That was the last he was seen on trail. Only a slow old man could lose three beautiful Harriets in the dark. And all to himself. Two blocks later Horn-E was stopped the police. Why were those women running around blowing whistles? Where you harassing them? Fifteen minutes in the back of a squad car, shackled by two bimbo cops (damn bimbo bullies, picking on a dirty old man) and a check with head quarters when he was finally released. He then ran a total of 12 blocks before finally getting back on trail. Now where were those Harriets? Well, the trail went On and On through Checks and those damn Three Ways with no one to share them with. Finally Horn-E crossed the Expressway and into a little park and there were six beautiful Harriets. And just in time to catch Ginger Snatch returning from the bushes. Now where are those warm sweaty arm pits. But it was a nice location and we had a real load of beer.
.....We also had a couple of Fosters, the favorite beer of the missing Bloody Asshole. And we toasted him. He is a good friend, his mother hash is the Chicago Hash, and he is missing in the wilderness around Las Vegas. And hope is running out. Bloody Asshole, you were toasted by six beautiful Harriets. And by coincidence, Drill In My Box pointed out that Horn-E was the first hasher she met. And it was on a Day when Bloody Asshole was going to hare for a Moon Hash and lost the directions to the bar, so she never met him. That was his last trip to Chicago. We'll miss you old buddy.
.....We then headed back to the bar where there were three more Harriets, 10 K Tika Ho and a Rotton one and Cum In My Ass Fault waiting the Horniness. And yes. there are pics of Horn-E surrounded by all of them. Beautiful ladies. This can't get much better when Mudsucker walks in the door. Damn. But we moved on to the next part where International Virgin had a list of our names we had to pick from, and we were to make a Valentine for our Valentine. I drew International Virgin and she got a pic of Marilyn Monroe, displayed on red velvet, and the words, "How I always dream of You" Isn't Horn-E sweet. What a ham. And he got a Valentine from Drill In My Box, "nude, sexy, Loose Lips, Bunny, Winner. and how Horn-E would like too. Horn-E won best dressed guy. Well, the only one. A box of Chocolates, with cheeries. After circle we were eventually joined by EZ On The Ass and all in all, another successful Ho Hash. Let me sum it up this way. A Horn-E old man walked into a Fantasy and found an International Virgin with a Ginger Snatch wanting a Drill In My Box as long as You Just Do Me Slowly. Later we got into some Anal Assault with some beer as long as We'll Banger. The we returned to the Fantasy for some more action with two Hoes, a Rotton one and a 10 K Tika one and all was good as long as he Cums In My Ass Fault. Then some Mudsucker came along and spoiled the odds. But it was all good in the end and EZ On The Ass.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 9 Feb 2012 by Horn-E
...This trail with its hares was about honoring Sphincter Grease, just returning from Afghanistan, for his tour of duty. Well done. The other hares were Return To Gender from Madison and EZ On The Ass. The bar was the Atlantic, and there was about 30 trail hounds at the start. Well done. We took off to the south with a quick Check. I saw Hoosier Daddy flying down Lincoln like he knew something. Like maybe seeing the marks on his way to the bar. He never returned, while everyone else went off on a False. So upon returning, Horn-E led us south and the FRBs soon passed him and we were on to the east and a quick beer check. Huh. But off again to the west on a zigzag course that led to some real easy shortcutting and Hoosier Daddy and Horn-E did just that and came upon Happy Ass Grabber a few blocks later checking out a Check. And we were On and leading to the west until we got to a park and Happy Ass Grabber and the pack soon passed us. From here we came to a Check at a bridge. Now normally I would think, over the bridge and all of the parks there. Wrong. It was north through the east side park and I spent the rest of the night playing catchup as the pack went north in the park, under a road in a tunnel and on to the northeast. We DFLs struggled to keep each other in sight and the rest of the pack. I almost caught up to Ginger Snatch as she was checking out a Split, but the pack went the other way and she was soon gone. We got back to the pack as they came south on Western and we missed the turn north. We finely got lucky. We crossed Western and headed east on an angled street. Hmmm. The front of the pack is missing. That means a turn to the south and Horn-E headed for an alley and saw some front runners ahead. Blowing the horn, a bunch of us caught a short cut and we ran on and south to a big park where the pack was gathering for a beer stop. Beer? Coors Light? Finely someone showed up with some PBR. But it was getting cold and we soon filtered off to the west and the bar.
.....The back room had some trivia game going on so we had to take over the front of the bar. Actually drove a large table of civilians out of the area. Sorry guys, but when the Dark Kunt takes over circle, she takes no prisoners. And a hearty circle was held. We could finally quit listening to the visitors bitching about a four mile trail being to long. I know everyone calls it a drinking club with a running problem. Well, run. Actually it is a running club that has no problem drinking beer. Finally the Dark Kunt put on her edible candy thong and was attacked by hungry hounds eating away at her crotch. I was wondering, was she farting all over that candy. Eat away guys and girls. I'm sure there will be pitchers posted. You'll have to check that out for yourself. Circle finally ended and the pack settled into eating and drinking. I know I left well after midnight when Just Mike offered me a ride part way home. Good time. Hounds on trail, as best as I can remember included Chippendale, Fistful Of Pricks, Drill In My Box, Dick In The Box, Little Trojan Annie, O'Shitty Runch, Bubbles, from Waukesha, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown, Whoreo, W Jew 40, Just Vincenzo, Glitter Spitter, That Thing That Vibrates, Glory Hole, Just Mike, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off (yeah, she's still around. Summer must be just around the corner), Furry Spice, Silent But Deadly, Just Lilly, Two Hair Nets, Pecker Mache, Dick Licker, Eaten Alive. I also saw a litter of House Puppies, Rotton, Cock Whisperer, String Theory, Its Too Soft, and Salty Gash.
The Tale of the Trail
12 Feb 2012, by Horn-E
.....That Thing That Vibrates and Ass Capades laid trail out of Ravens. We had about 31 hounds at the start and were soon off to the north and down an ice covered alley. I was in back as we took off and along with Salty Gash, we were trailing SnatchSquatch as he slid on his ass for about forty feet. Or was he just showing off his slip and slide technique. We ran on and were soon at a Check on Fullerton at the edge of the park. Hounds were everywhere and the On call came from the south. This lead to a another quick Check and just as I was looking to the Zoo Entrance, SnatchSquatch was relaying an On call from within the zoo. Passed the Polar Bear, the only one out, and he was just sitting in front of his door waiting to go inside. We tame and train these animals to much. This is Polar Bear weather. He should have been swimming. Whatever, we ran on and the pack did a big loop through the zoo. SnatchSquatch spotted them returning and heading towards the main entrance so he and Horn-E took a short cut around the Lion House and we headed out the main entrance. Somehow the pack was scattered and as I headed over to the edge of the park, I saw a hasher heading south on Clark blowing a whistle. We headed that way and saw Lifa heading across Armitage and then Clark and we eventually found our way to a shot stop. Some missed this and were already off at the next Check on Wisconsin. Not in Wisconsin, on Wisconsin and Lincoln. Saw two hashers returning from the south so I headed east. After one block I saw a hidden arrow. Clue. This might be it. A block later I yelled On two and O'Shitty Runch crossed the street right in front of me and saw the third arrow and we were On. The back was soon right behind us and headed into an alley, north and across Armitage into a section of town houses. Horn-E headed north on Lincoln knowing they had to come out up ahead. I love local knowledge. The pack did and at the next street, they headed west. When I got to the corner I saw them disappearing to the west and heading north. Meanwhile I saw Chicken Stifer walking north on Lincoln. Did he know something? Apparently not. At the next parking section I saw the pack heading into Oz park. I'm thinking, beer stop. I headed that way and it was. The front pack was converging between a few trees at the beer. And Chicken Stifer didn't make it. Meanwhile, most of the pack didn't make it either. Finally we saw them hanging around the tennis courts. It only takes one set of eyes to spot us and eventually we were spotted and the back pack came racing across the grass to the beer. Weather was nice, the sun was out and we had beer. And finally Salty Gash arrived declaring she was with the pack and suddenly they were gone. Yeah, we've heard that before. Well, at least she made the beer stop. Not all did. From here the pack eventually headed back to the bar, on trail and off as some headed over to see where the St. Valentine's Day massacre took place.
.....Back at the bar we were greeted by our bartender who watched our bags, soon gave us some free pitchers and a bottle of whiskey to pour around, and at another time a round of shots. Well done and thanks. Lifa got circle going and the hares drank plenty for that shitty trail. We called in the visitors, The Bible of Sex and Daddy Pucker, names changed to protect the guilty, and Help Me I'm Wet. And they sang a song for us. Damn, no tits. Then there were the visitors, Just Cynthia, Just Katherine and Just Penny. We brought out Its Too Soft to demonstrate how to do a down down. And then he had to do it twice. SnatchSquatch and O'Shitty Runch were called out for falling on ice. And of course the usual 37 other violations of hash tradition. Finally we closed the circle and settled into drinking. And we went On and On watching Just Vincenzo knocking over blocks until we thought the building was coming down. So, who else was there? Well we could start with The Least Interesting Man I The World, but that wouldn't be interesting. So lets just list the rest of the Trail Hounds. Just Ehh, The Dark Kunt, PlattyPussy, Back Door County, Pussy Chunder, Barf Fly, Feather, Sandy Syphilis, Two Hairnets, Just Katy, Mount Schwiinga, Glory Hole, and Taco Balls who is new to Chicago, We also had a few house puppies, Hoosier Daddy, Momma Strangelove, and Cumma Slutra.The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dogs Hash Hash, Sat, Jan 14, 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was the annual 8 Beer Stop Hash set by Horn-E with Two Hairnets giving a good assist on his first time haring. We buried beer in the woods near the Indian burial ground and then headed over to the north end of Catherine Chevalier Woods, our usual start. We were in luck with over five inches of fresh snow. We had a long stretch of woods trails and off woods stuff before we got to the first beer stop. From here it was just looking for good hideouts for the beer and finishing trail.
.....As we got in to the finish, there was a solid pack of thirsty hounds waiting. 14 hounds were soon off on trail. I waited back to direct the injured Or G to the 8 beer stop so he and Gas Stop Bob could walk over there. We had two late comers, EZ On The Ass and Happy Ass Grabber who arrived late and met us around the 4 beer stop. And the co-founder of the 8 beer stop hash, Rear Loader showed up to run but he had his Big Dog with him. Not a runner and he dropped out early. So, 13 hounds did the whole trail.
.....As I tried to catch up, I found the pack still struggling at the first Check. Damn, was it that hard. I headed towards the true trail and suddenly O'Shitty Runch was coming backwards on the true trail. He was soon off in the correct direction and running out of sight yelling On On. The pack swept in from all directions and were soon right behind him as we hit a little stream. Stream. Stagnant slush sounds better. Some jumped over it and some tried to go over on slippery logs. Uploader was struggling with the whole concept and Horn-E finally directed him around and several followed, including Just Do Me Slowly who would have drowned in that slush. We soon came out at a path where there was the usual Check. O'Shitty Runch and SnatchSquatch were off on the east false trails and the west false trails got more then a few. But Asscapades was on to the north and into the woods for a big loop and another crossing of River Slush. This is the last I saw of Rear Loader and his dog. Bull Mastiffs aren't trail hounds. But don't fuck with them. Meanwhile the trail led to another Check in the heart of the woods. It does a hares heart good when the hounds fall for both Falses. Lifa to the left and O'Shitty Runch to the right. Straight was On and the pack soon followed. We crossed a path and headed to another path in the woods for our fourth Check. Again we regrouped as the trail went the simple way, to the right and down a long path. Now I don't know why and I don't intend to ask, but up ahead, someone was dragging That Thing That Vibrates down the path like a sled. No, not a chain saw or a vibrator. That Thing That Vibrates. Hmmm. Macho man, beautiful Harriet, wild woods all around. Hmmm. But somehow, they ran off. And so did the pack to another Check. Got Uploader on that one. We went straight to a Back Check. From here we went east to the burial ground and the 1 beer stop. But they never found the beer and the mark was messed up. Damn. someone found the beer. Must have been the injured beer using it to kill the pain. Yeah, we did see an injured deer when we laid that part. Limping and a section of leg, like between the shoulder and elbow was completely devoid of fur and just raw meet. She won't last long. But that is nature at its rawest. So they ran on past the den of the Great Hairy Vole. Actually we did see a tiny little Vole in a hole in a tree, about five feet off the ground. Shivering and eerily watching those damn scary humans taking pictures. Yeah, I got one too. Just ahead was the 2 Beer Stop. That Thing That Vibrates and O'Shitty Runch were first at that one, at the top of a little hill. The rest of the pack ran on and the next lucky hounds were Just Katy, Just Rich and Uploader who found the beer in a hollow log. They ran on and O'Shitty Runch and That Thing That Vibrates again scored with some beer in a tree, eight feet up in the air. I believe EZ On The Ass and R-Tard-E also scored on this 4 beer stop. Five was then funny. Hidden in some tall grasses, Asscapades found in and the laid down with in the grasses, trying to hide from the others. Worked too, for a while. They finally charged him and got the other four beers. 6 beer stop was across a bit of frozen water, that looked like slush from before. Whoreo and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown were on that one and finally shared what was left. Seven was at a crossroads and SnatchSquatch had the last two. O'Shitty Runch and R-Tard-E slid into him and under him trying to get that last beer. Lifa and Ball Cock Dumper finally got some beer here. From here there were two Falses and they caught them both. And Whoreo and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown were seen sitting and cuddling on a log in the woods while they finished a beer. We ran on to the 8 beer stop and there was Or G and Gas Stop Bob waiting with the 8 beers and some more.
.....From here, Horn-E went after some down down beer and met the pack on the return for a few quick down downs. Then we all got into cars and headed towards Rabbit's where the bartender made a mistake and gave us $7 pitchers for the first 14 before realizing the mistake. Hey, most of us ate food and really made the bars day. We deserved a break in price. And we held another circle and all had a good time. We finally finished the last pitcher and Two Hairnets finally offered me a ride home. I went home and collapsed.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash, 1/1/2012 by Horn-E
I counted on the CTA again. I looked on the Internet and they told me to take a bus that doesn't run on Sun. Bastards. So, there I am at the end of the Peterson route and the wind is howling. Walk. Not hardly. It was freaking cold and I would have to walk right into that blast. So I waited in the shelter for the bus. When it was late I looked further and noticed that the sign had no Sunday service. But that blast of wind died down and I took off for about a mile and a half of jogging/walking as I headed west on Devon and north on Milwaukee. I finally passed the On In mark and there was the pack, just starting out. Well, the trail wasn't south. I was there. So we headed north and we were soon ON. A small pack with three walkers, W Jew 40, Just Do Me Slowly and Dickens Cider. Huh!!! But the runners were off and running, through some side streets and into a brief section of woods ending at a Check. I think this is where the pack fucked up. I heard an On call from across the bridge from Yer Anus. It really wasn't. But the last mark was pointing north and the pack headed north. Actually the trail did head north, but on the west side of the river. And it went to a beer stop near Howard and in a gazebo. And the only one to find this, and verify it was the usual late comer, The KGB. Since not a single Check or Split was marked, he found the true trail where we fucked up. Meanwhile, Yer Anus finally found a mark heading east and to a Check. It was Erin Go Buff who found this and then lost it at a Split. But Golden, yeah the hasher we haven't seen in who knows how long, found the trail into the woods. And off we went. Yer Anus finally found the trail out of the deep woods closely followed by Horn-E, Erin Go Buff and Little Trojan Annie. We quickly came to a BN. But no beer. The hare was back at the first Beer Stop and no one was coming. Since B wasn't actually marked, we finally found a mark on the east end of this open grassy area and the four of us were off and running. Some runners followed in the distance, and the walkers were way behind. We ran on and into woods again emerging at a bridge and a Check. Erin Go Buff found this to the east and we did a small loop through a small section of woods before Horn-E grabbed the lead and led us up towards Devon. Here Yer Anus grabbed the lead and led to another BN. Again, no beer. We eventually all gathered here with the arrival of the walkers and Lower Wackoff, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown, Whoreo, and the new guy. What is his name? Is he Rhotan's son? Last time we saw him was at another Rhotan/Second City Hash, on Marathon day. Erin Go Buff was really freezing. this isn't Hawaii and it isn't even cold yet. We hid out of the wind by a building and suddenly Rhotan showed up with all of his usual excuses on how we missed the best trail ever. Well, if it was the best trail this year, if that trail was so fantastic, the beginning that we missed must really be great, because the rest was Rhotan's usual shitty trail, and so we sang it in the circle.
Since the original bar, Capone's Hideout wasn't open, so we moved over to Yackoos, a Moon Hash favorite bar. The bartender new us and gave us a buck off on pitchers. We brought in food and had a good party and shitty circle in the back room. The KGB finally found us, and our one house puppy of the day, Bloody Thighs finally arrived with the chilly chili. But Rhotan soon had that warming up and all was good.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Tue, Jan 10, 2012 by Horn-E
.....On one of the last beautiful days of the winter before the snows really come in, Horn-E laid a trail from Rabbit's. Last time here, a month and a half ago, we had about eight hashers in the rain. Only Lower Wackoff took advantage of the beautiful weather and some fun running in the woods under the full moon. While we had an easy run to the edge of the woods, there was a Check at Cicero that only teased the hound. Trail went along Cicero on a side street and finally entered the woods by the river and another Check. Running alone, Lower Wackoff continually found the wrong directions, but running in these conditions, it was fun and who cared.It was beautiful and calm and peaceful in the woods under the full moon. Finally we ran a loop over to Forest Glen, across the river past three deer in the dark and back to Cicero. We were Checking here and Lower Wackoff found trail along the north of the river to a long False. Hey, sometimes you get lucky. He didn't. We finally headed east along the south side of the river where the hare really fucked up. Who, Horn-E. Yeah. He refuses to use flashlights and headed off into the woods, further along the trail then he thought, trying to loop some wetlands. But being further along trail then he thought, and not being able to see shit in the dark, he found himself running in a big loop. He didn't know where the hell he was until he came out on a path and saw his previous Check. Damn. Shit happens. And Lower Wackoff made the same loop only to loose it towards the end and actually pick up on the marks from the last Bushman Hash, over three weeks prior. Like I said, Shit happens. So we finally found ourselves in the now full light of the moon and ran on to the beer stop, on a trestle over the river. Moonlight shimmering on the gently rippling river from the now high full moon. A great and familiar spot for a beer stop. From here it was on back where we found the injured Or G waiting for us, some damn good Smithick's Beer and good burgers.
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash Fri Sep 30, 2011 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Stocks and Blondes and our hares were The International Virgin and 10 Dix With Wings. We only had four hounds on trail and a sorry bunch at that. SnatchSquatch, R-Tard-E, Horn-E and Uploader. And Uploader was running slow enough to cum in Dead Fucking Last. Horn-E managed to be FRB only because he guessed right at most Splits and Checks near the end while Uploader kept taking the wrong course. Maybe after teaching 10 Dix With Wings how to lay trail, he new most of her tricks.
.....It rained earlier so the hares went and laid real wide, long marks that made it easy to follow. And we all tried to stay together and make sure we relayed the On call to other hounds. Trail went north and east with all hounds getting in front on a few occasions. And the regular DFLs were enjoying the chance to find marks themselves. We finally had a loop back towards the east and the hares nailed us with a loop back west. Damn hares. At the next Check Horn-E finally got his turn in front checking out the only avenue left to check. This led them over to Clinton and we started to the south. We went back and forth a bit until we finally went around the south end of Union Station. Another block south and we had another Check. From here on Horn-E really got lucky as he led us east, over the river, back north past Sears Tower, or is it now the Big Willie, and another Check. Uploader headed north towards the bar and Horn-E headed east and we went past Wells. Sneaky hares. We now ran over towards the Board Of Trade and the protesters, protesting others' successes while they did nothing to succeed themselves. Strange. Horn-E kept waiting, to keep our little pact of togetherness in tact, until he saw the following threesome. Blew his horn and ran on. We went north on Clark and finally headed back towards the bar. We hit one intersection, Monroe and La Salle with no marks. Uploader finally caught Horn-E and headed straight, again picking wrong. So Horn-E headed west and after a block he found a mark heading On In. That street was the only street on trail were marks disappeared and it had just started to rain. So we came in, relatively dry, and settled into some high priced beer.
.....Actually it was cheap beer, priced high. A whopping $12/pitcher for crappy Lite. They ran out of the $10 stuff. Then SnatchSquatch did a strip in the middle of the bar to put on dry clothes. About ten minutes later, an ambulance arrived to tend to the three bimbos stricken with sudden blindness.
.....We conducted a casual circle, Moon style, and no heavy down downs due to the prices of beer. Suggestion: always try to consider cheap prices with smaller hashes as we can't get any special deals for small hashes. Down town beware. But the larger groups can still do those and work deals. We did have a big contingent of House Puppies arrive. Its Too Soft arrived in circle. Then as we were finishing, Crop Duster and Goat Flow Opa arrived. Shortly later Salty Gash and Glory Hole arrived, and finally Lifa arrived. So we had a nice social group at least.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Fri, Aug 12, 2011 by Horn-E
Some interesting things on this trail. We hared out of Ola's and our two hares were Just Do Me Slowly and Magnetic Muff, two experienced and long time hares. And they did surprise us. Before the hash, Magnetic Muff said that while laying trail she almost called me to help get her out. Get her out." Oh, Oh.
We had a grand total of two hounds for this trail, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E. Not slow and not fast. More like half fast. And we took off going right and left, back and forth as we took turns at almost every Split or Check taking the lead. The trail even went underground at one point, into the narrow passages of urine stained dirty tunnels. Ha. I missed that part. After that we caught Horn-E mounting some pussy in a dark street. He really is Horn-E. Will one of you Harriets help him out? Finally Horn-E led the pack, okay, Lower Wackoff and the two sweeps under a tunnel and along a street with ten foot weeds growing over the fences. And suddenly there was an arrow pointing to a hole in a fence and into the weeds. Urban shiggy at its best. There was concrete patches everywhere and the weeds growing out of the concrete were over 3 feet high. The rest got up to six and seven feet high. If you like this, you'd love the Bushman coming up next week. Read that as a cheap plug by the hare. We finally came to what looked like the end. And the hares were taunting us from beyond the fence. Look for the hole. Hell, we have been looking for the hole our whole lives. We finally did find the hole in a tangle of weeds so thick they could strangle your first born. We needed a weed wacker with an axe. And Lower Wackoff forgot one. Hell, we are in the city. Where did these to bimbos ever find this shiggy. I don't often give praise, but they had real balls to come in here alone. But all good things come to an end and we finally, with some difficulty, crawled through the fence at a gate and went on into the dark dingy streets and alleys of Chicago. With death around every corner. Well, not really. But death had been there. We went down one dark alley and into another looking for a mark. Nope. So we checked back and Horn-E saw this tiny glow in the dark that we missed as we ran forward. Just after a dumpster and nestled almost behind a telephone poll was a little box. It had about 18 red carnations in a vase above it, with about a dozen candles in glass containers burning away inside it. Behind them was a small picture of the Virgin Mary. Damn Horn-E will always find a way to get virgins into the story. But apparently someone died there and this was a shrine for him. Imagine, a shrine buried behind a dumpster. Sorry dude, but that is a hell of a place for your shrine. But Lower Wackoff did finally spot an arrow and the hounds were off. And a few blocks later we were in another liquor store bar enjoying a cold beer. It was about a mile back to the bar where we settled into some more beer and a laid back circle, juke box mostly off and no damn rap music when it was on. Pitchers were $7 and we only had two paying hounds. But with excess money from the Bizarre Bazaar into our beer fund, we drank several more pictures. A damn good time for such a small group.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash #73, 18 Jun 2011, by Horn-E
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.....This was set in St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove, and we had the usual hare, Horn-E starting off on his seventh year of haring every Bushman Hash. Lifa and Or G signed up to hound and we had a surprise hound in Chicken Stifer. We finally took off to the north and into the woods. At the river, which was way down from what was expected, we had a Check. Chicken Stifer was on to the east, but missed the turn down to the rivers edge for a river crossing on slippery rocks. We didn't loose anyone and headed into the woods and up to the tracks. We crossed the trestle and right back under the tracks for a Check. Or G was on along the river and we finally came to a small stream and a log crossing. Chicken Stifer was first to it and over it and he led us west to the next Check. Or G and Lifa went to the right and inland, which would have gotten them into a long Check. But Chicken Stifer found that third arrow and this led to a Split just before another stream crossing. No log this time and the pack worked their way upstream looking for marks and the inevitable Back Check. By then Chicken Stifer had crossed the stream and as they worked their way back down stream he found the On Trail. This led through another muddy area and up a hill to the bike path. Left along the bike path and into the woods, over another stream and up to the field of scritchy scratchy. No problem as the hounds followed Chicken Stifer into the field and eventually after over a hundred yards of thigh high scritchy scratchy. More bike trail and then along the river bank to another Check. Lifa found this across the bike path and off through some woods and waist high grasses, a picnic area, more woods and finally a bridge crossing. The pack ran on along the river to a Split, just before a nasty stream crossing. Lifa was already on the alternate course and across the stream with the sweep following. They ran on along the river and into high weeds and deep woods to a Check. Then after this, it was back to the river and finally through deep woods and into a picnic area and another Check. From here, trail went along the top of a small hill and then into a swamp area. The ground was a soft as one of these new kiddy playgrounds, but you had to swing on trees instead of swings with mommy pushing you. And this was a Back Check. Gotcha. They then ran on to another Back Check and finally into a picnic area. And at the far end, Horn-E was waving with cold beer. The hounds ran on in. Chairs were brought out and pretzels and more cold beer and we all sat around, covered in a bit of mud and bug spray. The bugs never came and we sat for an hour or two, alternately giving each other down downs and casually drinking some good beer and telling tale tales. What it is all about, good trail and good beer.
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